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When a man hesitates to hug male friends in public or sweats at the mere thought of carrying a female friend’s purse for her, it makes you wonder how come this is such a big deal. But while we all bear different perspectives on the world around us, some of these unexplainable behaviors can reveal a way bigger picture.

People say it has to do with some men being insecure about their masculinity. How come? Well, it’s the fear of losing one's status as a “real man” in other people’s eyes, which makes the guy think he would be looked at as tenuous. There’s an old-fashioned belief that a man has to earn his status through proof of action, or a test of some sort, that makes him the man he really is. And although many men are aware of the fact that this is not how gender works, some still follow this ancient notion of manhood.

So when a TikToker @richtiktoxic asked people “What is something that men do that lets you know their insecure about their masculinity?” his video went viral with 1.1M views. “I’ll go first. As soon as a man refers to himself as an alpha, you know he’s insecure,” said Rich and passed the baton onto other people on social media who had a lot to say on the topic.

@richtiktoxic

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#1

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

basicminiwheats Report

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    #2

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    richtiktoxic Report

    Bored Panda reached out to the author of the video named Richard, better known by his TikTok handle @rich.tik.toxic. Rich is a successful online content creator and journalist with 333.7k TikTok followers who was happy to answer some questions for us. When asked how Rich got the idea to ask people about the signs of insecure masculinity, the author said that “the video that sparked this entire debate was one created by my good friend Brittany Guzman (@_brittguz on TikTok).”

    “It was a reference to a study done in the UK regarding the prevalence of sexual harassment. She encountered an incredible amount of hate comments simply for referencing a study. Men made it known they were unhappy with her bringing this data to light; so much so that at one point I think her video had 100 likes and 1000 comments,” Rich explained.

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    #3

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    toxicatok Report

    Brendan
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love that my wife earns more; it means we have more money. Who cares you which of you has the higher paycheck?

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    “In comparison,” he continued: “most videos have five to ten times more likes than comments. If you are not a man who sexually harasses women, why would you be triggered by this study? I realized it's because 'being a man' has become the defining characteristic of men’s self-identity.”

    Rich also said that “Pointing out how problematic typical male behavior has become is perceived by men as a personal attack.” According to him, “until men can realize that their biological sex is no more than a scientific category, they’ll be unable to truly define their self-identity.”

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    #5

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    basicminiwheats Report

    Dana Dara
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel like this question does matter. There is a lifestyle/personality difference between a woman who’s slept with a couple of men and one that’s slept with like 100. If you answer and the guy shames you, that’s one thing. If you ask him and he says his number being high is different than yours being high, that’s bs. But asking in itself isn’t toxic.

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    #6

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    jasiah.official Report

    Jo Choto
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, that's been the story of my life.

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    Speaking of the answers he received, Rich said a few of them caught him by surprise, “more so because of how accurate and detailed many of the responses were. Just about all of these behaviors are the manifestation of outdated societal norms that men are told to abide by.”

    “Things like driving a lifted truck, unnecessary assertions of dominance, and disliking anything feminine were common responses. Those behaviors seem so ridiculous when looked at from an objective standpoint.”

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    #7

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    xaviertainment Report

    Donkey boi
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me and my wife blame each other for everything as a... sort-of-joke (I don't really want to use 'Joke' but can't think of another word that fits). She farts, then says 'Babe that's disgusting!' and I say 'sorry'. I'll forget to put something away, then say, 'Oh Darling, you've left this stuff everywhere!' and She'll say 'Sorry. Can you deal with it for me now?'

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    “The beauty of the time we live in is that you get to be whoever you want,” Rich said and added: “Don't do yourself the injustice of using outdated gender stereotypes and norms to create your identity. Stop putting value in the contemporary ideals of what is masculine and what is feminine.”

    “Masculinity is defined,” he concluded, “as having the traits of someone who identifies as a man. If you identify as a man, you are already masculine. You get to decide what masculinity means for you.”

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    #9

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    nazcanukagirl Report

    JXXXF
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Everyone who has ever played team sports and had to have a communal shower knows the foot/p*nis size thing is a myth... in fact, its more of an insecurity from those who have big feet but are ashamed of the size of their manhood...

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    #10

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    reggieherold Report

    Queen Jackson.
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also, if you tell a friend you’re bisexual and the first thing they wonder is if you like them or have a crush on them, think about that. Not telling you what to do, but just think about it.

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    #11

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    vikingwerewolf Report

    Sue User
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sadly, this article is proving this statement.

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    Rich’s TikTok audience is expanding rapidly, but he assured us that he never wanted to be an influencer. “Even calling myself an influencer feels so ridiculous. I was always the person behind the camera. I worked with a few social media celebrities when I was starting as a photographer and videographer creating viral content on platforms like Snapchat and Instagram,” the author confessed.

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    #12

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    jasiah.official Report

    ravina nimje
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe they are and too scared to come out.

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    #13

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    reggieherold Report

    Mojones
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Isn't this when they don't want to date trans girls, only born girls? Makes sense for me to give it a name.

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    #14

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    basicminiwheats Report

    Deborah B
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Speaking as someone currently on her period, I can confirm that periods are gross. And man, woman, or other, any one is entitled to be grossed out by used sanitary products or menstrual blood left on the loo seat. That said, unused sanitary supplies are not gross, and a man secure in his masculinity should not hesitate to buy them for the women in his life if requested to do so.

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    “However, my life's goal has always been to do everything possible to save the planet. As I got older, I started to realize that without copious amounts of money, the only way I could have a substantial impact would be to put myself both behind and in front of the camera. That's when I started utilizing everything I had learned in the years creating content for influencers for my own content.”

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    #15

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    jasiah.official Report

    Viviane
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I need one of those insecure men as a referee this morning. Hubby and I are fighting over who gets to wear the forest green sweater in the Zoom meeting.

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    #16

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    cwelz_ Report

    Viviane
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "I'd share with you, but I know tough guys don't eat chocolate." Yum, I get the whole box to myself.

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    #17

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    fullstripe Report

    Brendan
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have to admit that, in my teenage years, I denied liking anything feminine (such as rom coms and soppy love songs). I now look back and laugh at the old me.

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    Rich believes that as much as virality hinges on luck, “the only people that get lucky creating viral videos are the ones actively trying to create them. Fight to get to the front of the line so you have the highest chance of actually getting what you want,” he concluded.

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    #19

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    jasiah.official Report

    Donkey boi
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm on the fence. I understand who this is targeting (the same people that say 'all lives matter'), but the phrase doesn't belong to one group and one subject matter alone. A girl at work has just split up from her boyfriend, she says 'All men are arseholes' I say, 'most of them, yeah', But when she asks me why all men cheat, I will say, 'Not all men, just the ones you've dated so far.'

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    #20

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    four_eyed_yeti Report

    Donkey boi
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a former heavy drinker, I can quite happily say that the best alcoholic drinks are the one that don't taste like your drinking alcohol. If you like the taste, drink it! But please drink responsibly.

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    #21

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    mmdvg40 Report

    Adam Belaire
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To quote an joke from a comedian I forget the name of; "You'll notice I talk about women a lot, because let's face it. If I was hungry, I'd talk about food."

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    #22

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    four_eyed_yeti Report

    Lauren Caswell
    Community Member
    4 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've had that tried on me, but I have a killer grip strength so they only try it once :) still hurts tho! (Edit: my legs are ok-ish for walking and not much else, So I do most chores purely on arm strength where possible, hence crazy grip. One of my only physical strengths ^-^)

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    #23

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    jasiah.official Report

    Jaekry
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Men can wear whatever they want; nice clothes, nice shoes, nice haistyles, nice rings, nice jewelry, nice nails. You know,... like ALL ppl... ;)

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    #25

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    jasiah.official Report

    JXXXF
    Community Member
    4 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    European here, unpopular opinion here... I just don't get the US obsession with trucks full stop... they are ugly, slow, poorly made, a massive waste of space, drive awfully and almost everyone who has one just uses it for their commute or to pop down to Walmart...

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    #26

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    guncledann Report

    Bobert Robertson
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wait what? People don't like when a woman compliments them on their appearance? It's nice to hear from anyone, male or female, that you look good today

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    #27

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    guncledann Report

    Anthony
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That has to do with individuals! We're all different

    Autumn
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He means when a guy refuses to wear pink cause "that's gay" rather than not wearing pink because it's not their colour.

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    Sven Devestele
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This one makes no sense. I won't wear certain colours because they don't suit me or I simply don't like them. Anyone else can wear whatever the f**k they want

    Bobert Robertson
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think this is referring to a man who won't wear pink because he thinks it's "girly" and not because he doesn't think it looks good on him.

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    Laura Craig
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I just posted up on another thread that Panda had made it a couple of days without the usual ragging on men posts..... I stand corrected

    K Witmer
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People saying this isn't a big deal. Cmon you know what this meant. Men won't wear certain colors bc they don't want to appear gay. They consider some colors female. Like pink and purple.

    Mark Jaress
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You mean like Jason Momoa, whose clothing line is pink or black, and he wears the pink? That man kills it

    Bianca Saville
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Depends why he won't wear certain colours. They may not suit him or he may have prejudices. Don't dismiss someone till you know the facts.

    elStiJneriNO
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i don't wear salmon as i'm a vegetarian

    dev mehta
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't ever want to see a straight dude wearing pink or purple.

    Celtic Pirate Queen
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My husband is a very fair redhead & looks horrible in burgundy, so he doesn't wear it. Has absolutely nothing to do with his security level.

    Marvin HeartofGold
    Community Member
    4 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm just in love with this guy's cardigan. Where can I get it?!

    Mickie Shea
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Society uses colors to sell different use products to differing genetics.

    InfectedVoice
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What? I only wear dark colours because I like wearing dark colours, doesn't make me insecure, just means I wear what I want, nonsense.

    Josh Tall
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    maybe those colors aren't part of his palate....

    HooowlAtTheMoon
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know guys who won't wear a certain color. They might be insecure, who am I to judge, but this part of it is not because they are insecure. They just don't like the color.

    JXXXF
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wear pink but I don't wear black... I wear grey but I don't wear red... I wear what I want, you wear what you want... everyone is different...

    Deborah B
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    Not so. It can be as simple as a colour not looking good on him, or he hates orange, or always spills stuff so he refuses to wear white. Or it could be "No, I won't wear black and that shade of yellow, I don't want to look like some asshole white supremisist." Or "Three piece suit and fedora all in pink? that looks a little pimp-tastic to me." Colour opinions don't have to be about his masculinity.

    Dillon Hughes
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    What is wrong with that! These libtards will come up with anything to bash men! Women are super picky about their colors. It's like bashing overweight people that won't wear stripes!

    K Witmer
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Knock it off. No one is bashing men. It seems the men are calling out the insecure men. Don't make this post any more truer than it needs to be w your comments.

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    #28

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    multistan79 Report

    JXXXF
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am sorry but stating their opinion is fine, taking it further by trying to belittle them or make fun of them is where the line is crossed...

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    #29

    Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

    jxdahparker Report

    J. F.
    Community Member
    4 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's a small line between pride and arrogance

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