When a man hesitates to hug male friends in public or sweats at the mere thought of carrying a female friend’s purse for her, it makes you wonder how come this is such a big deal. But while we all bear different perspectives on the world around us, some of these unexplainable behaviors can reveal a way bigger picture.

People say it has to do with some men being insecure about their masculinity. How come? Well, it’s the fear of losing one's status as a “real man” in other people’s eyes, which makes the guy think he would be looked at as tenuous. There’s an old-fashioned belief that a man has to earn his status through proof of action, or a test of some sort, that makes him the man he really is. And although many men are aware of the fact that this is not how gender works, some still follow this ancient notion of manhood.

So when a TikToker @richtiktoxic asked people “What is something that men do that lets you know their insecure about their masculinity?” his video went viral with 1.1M views. “I’ll go first. As soon as a man refers to himself as an alpha, you know he’s insecure,” said Rich and passed the baton onto other people on social media who had a lot to say on the topic.

@richtiktoxic

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#1

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

basicminiwheats Report

Marianne
Community Member
1 year ago

I would even call that abusive.

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#2

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

richtiktoxic Report

Edward Shaw
Community Member
1 year ago

I believe the word "Alpha" has just replaced the word "Arsehole".

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Bored Panda reached out to the author of the video named Richard, better known by his TikTok handle @rich.tik.toxic. Rich is a successful online content creator and journalist with 333.7k TikTok followers who was happy to answer some questions for us. When asked how Rich got the idea to ask people about the signs of insecure masculinity, the author said that “the video that sparked this entire debate was one created by my good friend Brittany Guzman (@_brittguz on TikTok).”

“It was a reference to a study done in the UK regarding the prevalence of sexual harassment. She encountered an incredible amount of hate comments simply for referencing a study. Men made it known they were unhappy with her bringing this data to light; so much so that at one point I think her video had 100 likes and 1000 comments,” Rich explained.

#3

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

toxicatok Report

Brendan
Community Member
1 year ago

I love that my wife earns more; it means we have more money. Who cares you which of you has the higher paycheck?

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#4

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

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Bobert Robertson
Community Member
1 year ago

What is a simp?

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“In comparison,” he continued: “most videos have five to ten times more likes than comments. If you are not a man who sexually harasses women, why would you be triggered by this study? I realized it's because 'being a man' has become the defining characteristic of men’s self-identity.”

Rich also said that “Pointing out how problematic typical male behavior has become is perceived by men as a personal attack.” According to him, “until men can realize that their biological sex is no more than a scientific category, they’ll be unable to truly define their self-identity.”

#5

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

basicminiwheats Report

Dana Dara
Community Member
1 year ago

I feel like this question does matter. There is a lifestyle/personality difference between a woman who’s slept with a couple of men and one that’s slept with like 100. If you answer and the guy shames you, that’s one thing. If you ask him and he says his number being high is different than yours being high, that’s bs. But asking in itself isn’t toxic.

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#6

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

jasiah.official Report

Jo Choto
Community Member
1 year ago

Yeah, that's been the story of my life.

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Speaking of the answers he received, Rich said a few of them caught him by surprise, “more so because of how accurate and detailed many of the responses were. Just about all of these behaviors are the manifestation of outdated societal norms that men are told to abide by.”

“Things like driving a lifted truck, unnecessary assertions of dominance, and disliking anything feminine were common responses. Those behaviors seem so ridiculous when looked at from an objective standpoint.”

#7

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

xaviertainment Report

Donkey boi
Community Member
1 year ago

Me and my wife blame each other for everything as a... sort-of-joke (I don't really want to use 'Joke' but can't think of another word that fits). She farts, then says 'Babe that's disgusting!' and I say 'sorry'. I'll forget to put something away, then say, 'Oh Darling, you've left this stuff everywhere!' and She'll say 'Sorry. Can you deal with it for me now?'

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#8

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

leap.of.hope Report

ravina nimje
Community Member
1 year ago

you forgot "Nice booty"

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“The beauty of the time we live in is that you get to be whoever you want,” Rich said and added: “Don't do yourself the injustice of using outdated gender stereotypes and norms to create your identity. Stop putting value in the contemporary ideals of what is masculine and what is feminine.”

“Masculinity is defined,” he concluded, “as having the traits of someone who identifies as a man. If you identify as a man, you are already masculine. You get to decide what masculinity means for you.”

#9

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

nazcanukagirl Report

JXXXF
Community Member
1 year ago

Everyone who has ever played team sports and had to have a communal shower knows the foot/p*nis size thing is a myth... in fact, its more of an insecurity from those who have big feet but are ashamed of the size of their manhood...

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#10

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

reggieherold Report

Queen Jackson.
Community Member
1 year ago

Also, if you tell a friend you’re bisexual and the first thing they wonder is if you like them or have a crush on them, think about that. Not telling you what to do, but just think about it.

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#11

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

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Sue User
Community Member
1 year ago

Sadly, this article is proving this statement.

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Rich’s TikTok audience is expanding rapidly, but he assured us that he never wanted to be an influencer. “Even calling myself an influencer feels so ridiculous. I was always the person behind the camera. I worked with a few social media celebrities when I was starting as a photographer and videographer creating viral content on platforms like Snapchat and Instagram,” the author confessed.

#12

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

jasiah.official Report

ravina nimje
Community Member
1 year ago

Maybe they are and too scared to come out.

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#13

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

reggieherold Report

Mojones
Community Member
1 year ago

Isn't this when they don't want to date trans girls, only born girls? Makes sense for me to give it a name.

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#14

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

basicminiwheats Report

Deborah B
Community Member
1 year ago

Speaking as someone currently on her period, I can confirm that periods are gross. And man, woman, or other, any one is entitled to be grossed out by used sanitary products or menstrual blood left on the loo seat. That said, unused sanitary supplies are not gross, and a man secure in his masculinity should not hesitate to buy them for the women in his life if requested to do so.

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“However, my life's goal has always been to do everything possible to save the planet. As I got older, I started to realize that without copious amounts of money, the only way I could have a substantial impact would be to put myself both behind and in front of the camera. That's when I started utilizing everything I had learned in the years creating content for influencers for my own content.”

#15

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

jasiah.official Report

Viviane
Community Member
1 year ago

I need one of those insecure men as a referee this morning. Hubby and I are fighting over who gets to wear the forest green sweater in the Zoom meeting.

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#16

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

cwelz_ Report

Viviane
Community Member
1 year ago

"I'd share with you, but I know tough guys don't eat chocolate." Yum, I get the whole box to myself.

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#17

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

fullstripe Report

Brendan
Community Member
1 year ago

I have to admit that, in my teenage years, I denied liking anything feminine (such as rom coms and soppy love songs). I now look back and laugh at the old me.

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Rich believes that as much as virality hinges on luck, “the only people that get lucky creating viral videos are the ones actively trying to create them. Fight to get to the front of the line so you have the highest chance of actually getting what you want,” he concluded.

#18

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

jasiah.official Report

Kelli from Fitness Blender
Community Member
1 year ago

Ugh, I just hate this. EVERYONE CAN CRY!

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#19

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

jasiah.official Report

Donkey boi
Community Member
1 year ago

I'm on the fence. I understand who this is targeting (the same people that say 'all lives matter'), but the phrase doesn't belong to one group and one subject matter alone. A girl at work has just split up from her boyfriend, she says 'All men are arseholes' I say, 'most of them, yeah', But when she asks me why all men cheat, I will say, 'Not all men, just the ones you've dated so far.'

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#20

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

four_eyed_yeti Report

Donkey boi
Community Member
1 year ago

As a former heavy drinker, I can quite happily say that the best alcoholic drinks are the one that don't taste like your drinking alcohol. If you like the taste, drink it! But please drink responsibly.

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#21

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

mmdvg40 Report

Edward Shaw
Community Member
1 year ago

Men who share their sexual exploits. why??

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#22

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

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Lauren Caswell
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

I've had that tried on me, but I have a killer grip strength so they only try it once :) still hurts tho! (Edit: my legs are ok-ish for walking and not much else, So I do most chores purely on arm strength where possible, hence crazy grip. One of my only physical strengths ^-^)

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#23

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

jasiah.official Report

Jaekry
Community Member
1 year ago

Men can wear whatever they want; nice clothes, nice shoes, nice haistyles, nice rings, nice jewelry, nice nails. You know,... like ALL ppl... ;)

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#24

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

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Verena Gitterle
Community Member
1 year ago

That`s envy

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#25

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

jasiah.official Report

JXXXF
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

European here, unpopular opinion here... I just don't get the US obsession with trucks full stop... they are ugly, slow, poorly made, a massive waste of space, drive awfully and almost everyone who has one just uses it for their commute or to pop down to Walmart...

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#26

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

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Bobert Robertson
Community Member
1 year ago

Wait what? People don't like when a woman compliments them on their appearance? It's nice to hear from anyone, male or female, that you look good today

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#27

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

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Anthony
Community Member
1 year ago

That has to do with individuals! We're all different

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#28

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

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JXXXF
Community Member
1 year ago

I am sorry but stating their opinion is fine, taking it further by trying to belittle them or make fun of them is where the line is crossed...

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#29

Insecure-Men-Masculinity-Signs

jxdahparker Report

J. F.
Community Member
1 year ago

It's a small line between pride and arrogance

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