40 Posts From People Who’ve Had Enough Of Their Fathers-In-Law

It’s hardly surprising that in-law relationships can be complicated (to say the least!), as these people are usually thrust into your life without much thought or agreement on how things should be handled.

Of course, in some rare instances, the trope of in-law conflict may seem to be blown out of proportion. But the stereotypically bad relationships with their partner’s family are very real issues for some. After all, being forced into new family dynamics often creates relationships that are tense at best and toxic at worst.

Navigating through the complex dynamics of the bond we have with our fathers-in-law is a tricky matter of business, as there’s no guidebook or manual to tell us how everything is supposed to go. Some people are lucky enough to call them "dad." Others, as the examples in this compiled homage to the most irritating FILs out there show, would rather fake an emergency than spend one second alone in a room with them.

To gain more insight on the topic from an expert, we reached out to Dr. Wyatt Fisher, a licensed psychologist specializing in couples counseling in Boulder, CO. As Dr. Fisher provides relationship coach training and shares illuminating insights on his Relationships & Marriage podcast, he was more than happy to share his thoughts on the matter.

Dr. Fisher told Bored Panda there are many common complaints with FILs that can put a strain on the relationship and, consequently, your well-being. "Problems with fathers-in-law can range from not receiving their approval if you're a male to feeling like they are sexually inappropriate if you're a female," the psychologist explained.

According to Fatherly’s 2016 survey, women are more likely (about 16% more than men) to feel a sense of dread when they have to hang out with their in-laws. Interestingly, when it comes to the disagreements people who are parents have with their partner’s family, only 38% admitted they don’t argue. The rest explained that the cause of disagreements is usually their parenting style (29%), politics (15%), money (14%), and career success (4%).

When asked about the reasons we often find it hard to grasp the complexities of this relationship, Dr. Fisher explained we often see them as difficult and complicated because it’s not discussed as often. "Therefore, there aren't as many resources for support and tips."

"Also, many people have had turbulent relationships with their own fathers, so it can make it even tougher to build a connection with their father-in-law because there's no model for fatherly closeness to fall back on," Dr. Fisher added.

If you’re like most people, you know what a struggle your own family can be. But you’ve been dealing with them your whole life, and you’re likely to share common interests and agree with (at least some of) their thoughts.

With your in-laws, it’s not always clear what you're allowed to say and how you're expected to behave. As there’s less of an overlap in common agreement with them, you may find yourself saying the wrong thing and sparking a conflict. The other choice is to stay silent and feel the resentment slowly growing inside. And, of course, vent your frustrations by complaining about them online.

As we enter the holiday season, a time dedicated to spending time with our loved ones and being thankful for being together, many of us inevitably arm ourselves with patience as in-laws are bound to drag us into their dramas. So how are we supposed to handle infuriating FILs when we’re thrown together for an extended period of time with nowhere to run?

Dr. Fisher advised that the best course of action is to have an honest conversation with your other half. "First, let your partner confront their difficult behaviors instead of you. Second, ask your partner how to respond to your father-in-law if they aren't around. Third, pick your battles."

"You're most likely not going to change your father-in-law so try your best to accept them as they are as long as they aren't mistreating you," the psychologist suggested.

But as many people know from practice, the turbulent bond you have with your FIL can drastically affect your relationship. Dr. Fisher agreed with this line of thinking and explained that things particularly tend to go sour when your spouse ignores or disagrees with your feelings.

"If you have a difficult relationship with your father-in-law and your partner doesn't have your back, it can quickly strain your relationship with your partner because you'll feel vulnerable and defenseless," he said.

If you find yourself struggling with similar situations, Dr. Fisher suggested that sometimes, you just have to draw the line. "You have to set hard boundaries with inappropriate or difficult in-laws."

"However, other times people tend to overreact to behaviors that really aren't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. Keep things in perspective and make sure your partner has your back and let them do the boundary setting, not you," Dr. Fisher concluded.