First off, let’s start with a big round of applause for our mother-in-laws, and dad-in-laws, for that matter, who continually give fresh perspectives on our marriages. They’re a gift, usually unasked, that keeps on giving. And having in mind what a controversial image in the cultural folklore they often carry, it’s only fair to say how much happiness it brings if we truly get along. (Clapping continues.)
But in some not-so-fortunate instances, mother-in-laws can become somewhat of a burden. With all the respect to our precious husbands and wives, some moms are just too much. Call it a mere coincidence, a cursed destiny, or pure evil manifesting itself in the form of this lady you’d much rather avoid if it wasn’t for your significant other, but some particular cases scream family drama big time.
So let’s see what people had to say about their shaky relationship with their MILs, and be sure not to jump to conclusions, since nobody really knows the full picture.
Mil Stole My Chemo
Right now I have a lot of problems going on with my MIL on top of them. I’m fighting cancer for the second time in my life. I was first diagnosed when I was 14, fought it and won. I lived a happy and peaceful life until recently when I had my health checked for job necessities and surprise! – I’m 30 years old and I’ve cancer again. This is secondary cancer, different organ, nothing to do with the first one. Fortunately, stage 2 only, however my oncologist warned that it’s aggressive, grows and spreads fast and I could be stage 3 or more in a short period of time so we had to act fast. Hearing that you have cancer is always devastating but to me, it feels like something wants me dead very much. I was distraught that I’ll have to go through this again. It’s a very hard fight, both physically and mentally, any current or former cancer patient will agree on that.
I had a surgery and now it’s time for chemotherapy. The doctors decided on oral chemo that I can take at home and only have to go to a hospital to do blood tests and scans every few weeks, which is very good, I wouldn’t have the strength to go there every day. I’m on a sick leave from work now and because of the treatment, I’m quite weak, I’ve lost a lot of weight. Before that my wife and I, we both had an equal share of household chores. Some days I feel better than others, however directly after every receive of chemo even the simplest chores are often a physical impossibility for me. I try to do as much as I can but my wife has been amazing, she doesn’t care at all that I don’t help around the house as much as I did. She’s like “Your only obligation now is not to die.”
The other day MIL came over to visit (she knows about my diagnosis). I was on the couch reading and my wife was doing something around the house. MIL walked over to me and was like ”Look at that! Lying on that couch as if you’re on the beach! Aren’t you ashamed of yourself – a grown man and lying down in the middle of a day while your poor wife is working as a slave!”
I said, “I just had chemo, I have a headache, I’m nauseous, I don’t feel good.”
She was like “A young man like you and cannot beat some silly cancer! You cannot cure yourself with those chemicals! Nature products only!”
Later that day MIL was talking to my wife in the kitchen. I didn’t mean to listen, but I heard their conversation anyway. MIL was like “You really shouldn’t let him take that poison he’s taking or he will die. It’s poison otherwise he wouldn’t feel so bad. Doctors nowadays are totally stupid, you should seek herbal treatments instead!” As all of that came from someone without any medical education and tries to be smarter than she actually is, my wife shut her up quickly and told her to stay away from things she understands nothing about.
The next day I was going to take my chemo, as I’m scheduled. I’ve to take it once a day and I prefer to do it in the morning because then I feel better in the evening and I can sleep better. But, as I walked into the bathroom and opened the cabinet, there was no trace of my chemo bottles. They were gone, completely. I asked my wife if she moved them by any chance and she said no. We looked around but realized it’s pointless because they couldn’t fall out of the cabinet and there’s also no need to hide the chemo, we don’t have children or pets who could accidentally swallow it. Then my wife remembered that just before leaving the day before, MIL asked to use the bathroom. She could have easily taken the bottles with her, considering her words about the toxicity of chemo.
My wife turned into a dragon. She was literally almost spitting fire as she got dressed and stormed out to go to MIL’s house, I had never seen her so mad before. She came back a half an hour later or so and told me that she demanded my medication from MIL and MIL admitted she took my chemo indeed and when she left our house, she threw it out. Obviously, it’s gone, we cannot search through every garbage bin the city but just the fact that she did it, blew my mind. My wife and MIL had a huge argument and MIL really thinks she did me a favor. She was like “Don’t you see he’s dying, don’t you see how fragile he’s become? It’s not cancer that’s killing him, it’s those pills! I got rid of them, I saved your husband and that’s how you thank me, by insulting me? Better go and buy him some herbal teas!”
Because of MIL, I missed a dose of chemo which is very bad and I had to see my oncologist immediately. When I told him I need more chemo, he was surprised and said “What happened to the chemo I gave you a short time ago? You couldn’t have used it all already.” and I was like “ Well, you see, doctor, my MIL stole my chemo”. He looked totally baffled as if the fact that someone would steal someone’s else chemo is ridiculously stupid.
He prescribed me new bottles of chemo and a new schedule on how I’m supposed to take it and now I keep it in a cabinet with a lock. Even though my wife swore to me MIL will never set her foot in our house again.
Mil Burned Down Our House And Got Arrested
I’m posting for the second time now. I didn’t see that coming. We made a big mistake when we didn’t take MIL’s threats seriously enough. We thought that she’s like a dog that barks but doesn’t bite. Speaking of dogs, the only hero in this story is actually our dog, heavens bless our dog. It happened at night. My husband and me, we’re heavy sleepers, we were dreaming sweet dreams and didn’t notice anything. If our dog hadn’t jumped on our bed and barked, waking us up, we would probably both be dead now. I’m a firefighter myself and I realized that the fire was too big already, we couldn’t put it out by ourselves. We escaped through the window, fortunately unharmed. Somebody had called the firefighters who happened to be my colleagues, which was a weird situation, it was the first time they had to work on their buddy’s house. They tried to work as fast and as efficiently as they could but our house is damaged beyond repair, we can’t live in it anymore.
MIL got caught and basically dug her own grave because she herself said that she was hoping till the last minute that her son would come to his senses, break up with me and start to date women but he didn’t and she felt ashamed that she has created such a deformed human being, so she decided that it is better to have no son than gay son. She basically said she wanted to kill him. So even though at first what happened was classified as ”arson with the intent to damage the property” which would mean softer sentence, after those words it became ”arson with the intend to endanger life” and that means much more severe punishment, even up to life imprisonment. Our lawyer said that most likely she will not receive the maximum sentence because no one has died but she will receive at least a couple years behind bars. And there’s not much her lawyer can help her because she confessed.
And she said such a stupid thing ”Well but my son’s faggot husband is a firefighter, why didn’t he save his house?”
In the middle of the night, just awoken, no gear, no tools, no equipment, caught completely unaware by the fire. Are you serious, MIL? You think that just because I’m a firefighter means I can put the fire out with my bare hands? Many people think that housefire is like they see in the movies – flames and light but actually it is a complete darkness. The smoke makes the room so dark within minutes that you can’t even see your own hands. Housefire is always like a dark night.
Now we’re living with our friends while we find another place to live. Our clothing, our documents, passports, marriage certificate, everything is gone but of course, those are just things, we can buy them again. We’re alive, that’s the most important thing. My husband is done with her. He's so very upset that his own mother wished him dead just because he's gay. If before this he still hoped that their relationship could be fixed, now he doesn’t want to hear a single word about her no more. Her homophobic hate almost killed us. And it is our own fault as well because we didn't give her actions and words the seriousness they deserved. We know some gay people who also have homophobic parents but they have never tried actually killing their children. I guess that's why we didn't think that it might happen to us.
My Mil Just Threw Out All Of My Groceries. Grocery Stores Are Out Of Stock And I'm Losing My Mind
Due to reasons, my MIL had to move in with my husband and I for a while. I'm South Asian, my husband is white.
Indian food is what I was raised eating and I love it to this day. Due to stay at home orders I suddenly have a lot more time to cook than I did before. I stocked my kitchen with rice, different spices and whatever else I would need to make what I wanted.
My husband doesn't mind and enjoys the food. My MIL on the other hand, does not. She's never liked me. Some stuff she says include "what kind of people use their hands to eat? Just use a knife and spoon like normal people". My husband has stuck up for me on all those occasions before, but having to live with her 24/7 is wearing him down.
After she moved in, she immediately started complaining. "Why does that smell so strong? It'll cling to the walls. Stop that." or "God, are you really feeding my son that crap? Just eat normal American food."
I know quarantine is taking its toll on everyone, so I decided to stay quiet. My husband did try to talk to her once, but that fell on deaf ears. Like always.
I woke up yesterday morning, go downstairs. Chat with husband and MIL for a while. Go into the kitchen, open my pantry, and there. is. nothing. My rice, spices, flour everything has been cleaned out. I had a rice dispensing machine that I got a few years back and that was missing too.
I go to the fridge, and besides milk, bread, butter, jam and eggs there was nothing. I get my husband and ask him what happened to the food. He looks in confusion until MIL pipes up and says that she threw everything out. When asked why, she simply says "My child isn't used to eating your types of food. Just make him what Americans eat" And heck did that piss me off. She has this insane thing about not acknowledging that I am American, or when she does she tells people that I got my citizenship through marriage.
Wrong on all accounts. I was born here and so were the last 4 generations of my family. I go grocery shopping and they were out of stock on basically everything. I come home and she still has the audacity to ask why I'm not cooking like I usually do.
To find out more about navigating through the complex dynamics of a relationship with your mother-in-law, Bored Panda talked to Jane Parker, a Strategic Intervention Advanced Relationship Coach who coaches clients to have successful, fulfilling, and healthy relationships.
Jane told us that “There are often issues with mother-in-laws because women are used to having a say in how things are done and how children are raised. They are accustomed to influencing their 'child' and now someone else is doing that. This can be hard for some mothers.”
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Moreover, “Women love to contribute and sometimes it is hard not to say your opinion, especially if the subject means so much to you. Hence why MILs have a bad reputation for interfering or criticizing,” the relationship coach explained.
Another reason why the problems with MILs arise often has to do with the fact that since they “love their children very much, it is hard to let go of that instinct to influence them.” Plus, “they love to spend time with their ‘child’ and it can be hurtful to them when this fades due to their marriage or relationship.”
It turns out that “the relationship with your mother-in-law can drastically affect your relationship, especially if your spouse does not understand or empathize with your feelings on the matter.” Jane explained that in some severe cases, “the effect can be so intense that it can change the way we feel about our spouse.”
In case you find yourself struggling with similar feelings, Jane suggests “Expressing to your spouse that your marriage is your absolute priority and that you want to make sure that you are a team at all times, even when dealing with their mother.”