Woman Is Tired Of MIL Acting Like Her Son Is Her Husband, Decides On Divorce
Marrying into a new family often comes with certain challenges, as family relationships can be quite difficult to navigate.
For this redditor, it was her mother-in-law who made things difficult. Barely in touch before, the woman became way too intrusive after the OP got pregnant, which resulted in the mom-to-be having to make some tough decisions and asking if she was a jerk in the situation.
Family relationships can be difficult to navigate as it is, but sometimes even more so when it’s your partner’s family
Image credits: Febe Vanermen / Pexels (not the actual photo)
This pregnant woman couldn’t take her intrusive mother-in-law anymore
Image credits: Ron Lach / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Early-Ant-2254
Image credits: Alex Green / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Some family relationships lack certain boundaries, which might lead to troublesome situations in life
Similarly to not being able to choose your parents, you can’t really choose your parents-in-law either (unless you look for a different partner, but the heart typically wants what it wants). However, whether you like them or not, chances are they might change over time, as did the MIL in the redditor’s story; unfortunately, the relationship between the mother-to-be and the mother-in-law didn’t change for the better.
It all seemingly took a turn when the OP got pregnant. Said to be quite distant before, the MIL became way more involved in her son’s—and by extension, his wife’s—life, resulting in him even changing jobs for her, all of which might resemble enmeshment more than a healthy parent-child relationship.
Unlike close but healthy family relationships, enmeshment entails lack of psychological and emotional boundaries, consequently leading to people invading the space of those of their kin or interfering in their lives too much.
According to PsychMechanics, mother-son enmeshment is rather a common combination when it comes to such a type of relationship. Describing a parent that tends to be overly and inappropriately reliant on their child, enmeshment between a mother and a son often involves the former competing with her child’s partner and seeking for him to prioritize his mother over his significant other.
Another characteristic typical to enmeshment is lack of assertiveness and putting others’ needs before your own; or, in the redditor’s husband’s case, putting his mother’s needs ahead of those of his soon-to-be growing family.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Difficult relationship between the wife and the mother-in-law seems to be a rather common scenario
Whether it’s enmeshment or other problems standing in the way of bonding with the in-laws, research suggests that having a rocky relationship with them is not an uncommon position to be in. A study published in 2022 found that “Both men and women reported having more conflict with their mothers-in-law than their mothers, and mothers indicated having more conflict with their daughters-in-law than their daughters.”
And while it seems that everyone can find themselves in disagreements with everyone, the relationship between a person’s wife and her mother-in-law tends to be especially intense. That’s because, according to the study, “mothers- and daughters-in-law do not choose to have relationships with one another since their relationship is a byproduct of their unique relationships with the mother-in-law’s son/daughter-in-law’s husband.”
As a matter of fact, the relationship between one’s wife and their mother are often so strained, the former would rather stay at home and clean than go visit her MIL. Surveys suggest that just over half of married women would opt for cleaning, while others would rather visit the gynecologist, do jury duty or their taxes, or suffer a dentist’s drill.
The lengths to which the OP would go to avoid spending time with her MIL are unclear, but by changing his job, her husband made such a scenario even less likely to happen, as after sleeping on it, the redditor told him that she couldn’t get on board with his decision.
Fellow redditors shared their thoughts in the comments, the OP replied to some of them, providing more details
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I have nothing but the greatest admiration for this woman! Her boyfriend though is a spineless twerp, a doormat and, frankly, a dimwit. As for the mother....the less said, the better. Suffice it to say that the dynamic between mother and son is a very unhealthy one...
While reading the story I was (and still am) pretty sure the MIL had plans to quit her job or work less to take care of her "baby" son and newborn. Wannabet ??
Load More Replies...
What the funk is wrong with people. I'm so glad that woman was like, 'hell no... this is my house, my money, y'all fools. get out'
Can we all just appreciate that this woman stepped up and did the absolute right thing, without hesitation, without needing to consult the internet to figure that out? Yeah, she's still confirming it, but she acted first. Truly well done. Get TF out of there. And focus on doing what you can to keep your ex-MIL out of the baby's life. But absolutely seek child support. He needs to do his part.
Not surprised that theres an abuse dynamic at play. The OP needs to talk to a family lawyer about what kind of access MIL is going to have with the baby. The fact that a child abuser returned to her son's life when hes about to have a baby of his own doesnt seem like a coincidence to me.
What the Oedipus Rex?! The man quits his job for a worse job with half the pay to "be close to his mother"? Did he fall on his head recently or walk into an iron beam? Actually, it makes sense. He is faced with having to be a father and a caretaker, and suddenly his mother offers to make him into a child again. It's toxic and fvcked up but the pathology makes sense.
The poll question is broken. It doesn't have a "tell them goodbye make their life miserable* option.
You deserve an award for handling this so well while pregnant. I would have lost my sh*t on that old woman and my husband. Good for you!
Can we please retire the saying "put him on child support?" Child support is not something a woman does to a man. Child support is the legal obligation a parent owes when he or she is not the custodial parent. It shouldn't even be a question; it should be automatically understood. I wish custodial parents would stop shooting themselves in the foot over this absurd and completely fabricated societal pressure.
I don't know why she's on the fence about seeking child support. She should absolutely do that.
Maybe she is concerned that child support also opens the door (even slightly) to arguments about joint custody. But yeah, seems reasonable to me to be saying he owes something.
Load More Replies...
I bet mom wanting to be around him daily was like catnip to his criminally neglected inner child, so I get it while not getting it. The worst is going to be when she gets a new boyfriend and dumps her son yet again, only it will have cost him his wife and child first.
the husband should have gotten therapy decades ago, the abuse he suffered as a child from that "mother" seriously screwed him up, now he's getting love bombed from her and goes along with it all desperately seeking that love he missed as a child... the mother just changed her abusive ways. the OP is doing almost everything right... the only thing i disagree with her on is the child support. sure, she has made great plans, but things happen and extra money saved for her daughter's education or for anything else that crops up is a good idea.
While I think the OP absolutely made the right decision, I do feel a bit bad for the husband. He's being emotionally used and abused by his mother, and she is ruining his life.
He's refused all therapy according to OPs comments. I have *limited* sympathy.
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The husband is a utter and total wimp I bet that the mother is just going to live off the son…
Once again the poll answers are all veering one way. Where's the option for "gtf out of that relationship asap"!
I found one of the comments about the MILs BF being an angry drunk interesting too. Considering how manipulative the MIL appears to be I wonder if her BF wasn't a perfectly normal human being and she's either driven him crazy or just outright lied about it.
"we" are not pregnant, unless you're two biological females both pregnant
Yeah.......I hate that too. Only women can get pregnant. I have recently noticed in the news referring to pregnant women and pregnant people. Completely absurd.
Load More Replies...
Have you watched the TV show called sMothered? There is a family in this same situation but it’s a MIL that dotes on the SIL. Definitely need counseling.
Man, I can't imagine acting like this MIL and if I did anything's ng half this bad a single time, I would hope someone would love me enough to shove me in a room with a therapist ASAP, straight jacket optional
Jesus tap-dancing Christ, my MIL has her moments but at least she's not THIS bad (and it's largely because my FIL will do anything in his power to avoid spending time with her). EXTREMELY thankful my husband isn't a Mama's Boy, too, he's not afraid to tell her, "Mom, DAD is your husband. I'm Cadence's."
I have nothing but the greatest admiration for this woman! Her boyfriend though is a spineless twerp, a doormat and, frankly, a dimwit. As for the mother....the less said, the better. Suffice it to say that the dynamic between mother and son is a very unhealthy one...
While reading the story I was (and still am) pretty sure the MIL had plans to quit her job or work less to take care of her "baby" son and newborn. Wannabet ??
Load More Replies... What the funk is wrong with people. I'm so glad that woman was like, 'hell no... this is my house, my money, y'all fools. get out'
Can we all just appreciate that this woman stepped up and did the absolute right thing, without hesitation, without needing to consult the internet to figure that out? Yeah, she's still confirming it, but she acted first. Truly well done. Get TF out of there. And focus on doing what you can to keep your ex-MIL out of the baby's life. But absolutely seek child support. He needs to do his part.
Not surprised that theres an abuse dynamic at play. The OP needs to talk to a family lawyer about what kind of access MIL is going to have with the baby. The fact that a child abuser returned to her son's life when hes about to have a baby of his own doesnt seem like a coincidence to me.
What the Oedipus Rex?! The man quits his job for a worse job with half the pay to "be close to his mother"? Did he fall on his head recently or walk into an iron beam? Actually, it makes sense. He is faced with having to be a father and a caretaker, and suddenly his mother offers to make him into a child again. It's toxic and fvcked up but the pathology makes sense.
The poll question is broken. It doesn't have a "tell them goodbye make their life miserable* option.
You deserve an award for handling this so well while pregnant. I would have lost my sh*t on that old woman and my husband. Good for you!
Can we please retire the saying "put him on child support?" Child support is not something a woman does to a man. Child support is the legal obligation a parent owes when he or she is not the custodial parent. It shouldn't even be a question; it should be automatically understood. I wish custodial parents would stop shooting themselves in the foot over this absurd and completely fabricated societal pressure.
I don't know why she's on the fence about seeking child support. She should absolutely do that.
Maybe she is concerned that child support also opens the door (even slightly) to arguments about joint custody. But yeah, seems reasonable to me to be saying he owes something.
Load More Replies... I bet mom wanting to be around him daily was like catnip to his criminally neglected inner child, so I get it while not getting it. The worst is going to be when she gets a new boyfriend and dumps her son yet again, only it will have cost him his wife and child first.
the husband should have gotten therapy decades ago, the abuse he suffered as a child from that "mother" seriously screwed him up, now he's getting love bombed from her and goes along with it all desperately seeking that love he missed as a child... the mother just changed her abusive ways. the OP is doing almost everything right... the only thing i disagree with her on is the child support. sure, she has made great plans, but things happen and extra money saved for her daughter's education or for anything else that crops up is a good idea.
While I think the OP absolutely made the right decision, I do feel a bit bad for the husband. He's being emotionally used and abused by his mother, and she is ruining his life.
He's refused all therapy according to OPs comments. I have *limited* sympathy.
Load More Replies... The husband is a utter and total wimp I bet that the mother is just going to live off the son…
Once again the poll answers are all veering one way. Where's the option for "gtf out of that relationship asap"!
I found one of the comments about the MILs BF being an angry drunk interesting too. Considering how manipulative the MIL appears to be I wonder if her BF wasn't a perfectly normal human being and she's either driven him crazy or just outright lied about it.
"we" are not pregnant, unless you're two biological females both pregnant
Yeah.......I hate that too. Only women can get pregnant. I have recently noticed in the news referring to pregnant women and pregnant people. Completely absurd.
Load More Replies... Have you watched the TV show called sMothered? There is a family in this same situation but it’s a MIL that dotes on the SIL. Definitely need counseling.
Man, I can't imagine acting like this MIL and if I did anything's ng half this bad a single time, I would hope someone would love me enough to shove me in a room with a therapist ASAP, straight jacket optional
Jesus tap-dancing Christ, my MIL has her moments but at least she's not THIS bad (and it's largely because my FIL will do anything in his power to avoid spending time with her). EXTREMELY thankful my husband isn't a Mama's Boy, too, he's not afraid to tell her, "Mom, DAD is your husband. I'm Cadence's."
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