Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
Marriage is no easy job -- it's not only a commitment to another person, but hard work to keep up that pact, for all parties involved.
And still, sometimes not even the biggest effort can help the case, especially when one partner is being deliberately (or subconsciously) awful. Like, take these examples we provided in today's list -- do you think there's any way to salvage a marriage when someone is acting like this? Well, if you do, we're looking for your ideas in the comments!
More info: Reddit
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
It's not lack of love that damages marriage but lack of respect .
RELATED:
#2
If your buddy has a newborn at home and his availability to go out for drinks with the boys hasn’t changed, your buddy is a horrible spouse.
#3
"Nobody will want you, when I leave you".
When you are marrying someone, it’s good to be sure whether they make a good partner or not. Since you are committing yourself to this person in a serious manner, you want to know if they are worth it, don’t you?
The problem is that there’s no official guide on what kind of a person is the most suitable for marriage. Of course, certain characteristics are commonly sought after, like emotional maturity, independence, honesty, empathy, and affection, to name a few. Their level of importance varies from person to person, you know, to each their own.
#4
Fighting to win instead of discussing to resolve and overcome.
Leslie Shaw 2 months ago
This really resonated with me - my ex was a great debater and "won" every discussion. I finally realized that we were only discussing what was bothering him.
#5
Blaming something that is happening on your spouse, especially when that spouse is in a vulnerable position (just experienced a loss in the family, is pregnant, etc)
I've known a guy who would pick fights with his spouse and then come to tell us it all started because she was pregnant and very emotional. Honestly even if it was true why would you throw your spouse under the bus like that??
Needless to say we ain't friends no more.
#6
Constantly “joking” at your spouse’s expense, ribbing them or giving them s**t, but never offering real compliments or affection.
Michael Largey 2 months ago
If you want to be funny, try funny compliments. If you've got a joke that's good but cutting, make it about yourself.
Yet, even if you do the most careful character analysis, it doesn’t mean you will land a perfect partner. The thing is, relationships are way more than just the theoretical suitability of characteristics – it takes a lot of work.
You have to make sure to make time for your partner, show them gratitude, stay loyal, and be forgiving, if needed. And still, even then, it doesn’t mean it will be all good. After all, there’s no secret that divorce rates are high nowadays. Here, in the United States, every year, 4-5 million people get married, and around 42-53% of those marriages end in divorce.
#7
My ex used to always say "this is why no one likes you" whenever he was mad at me. i think that's a rotten thing to say to your significant other.
Giraffe Sitter 2 months ago
It’s a terrible thing to say to almost anyone. If you’re trying to be constructive (like an intervention) there are better ways to say that.
#8
Making fun of something your spouse is into (I mean seriously making fun of it…if you and your spouse have the kind of dynamic where you both have fun poking gentle fun at each other, then that’s different).
#9
Making decisions for the both of you without consulting them
Walking ahead of them and never checking if theyre even still with you
Leaving all housecleaning up to them
Leaving all childcare up to them.
Leslie Shaw 2 months ago
OMG, I could never walk as fast as my ex. He was always walking ahead, leaving me behind, and was annoyed that I couldn't keep up. Dang!
Granted, there could be plenty of reasons for divorce. Though the most common are lack of commitment, infidelity, incompatibility, marrying too young, financial issues, substance use, and domestic violence.
Technically, you can avoid people with whom you might run into problems like these by avoiding those with, let’s say, a violent temper. Yet, even this doesn’t guarantee that you’ll avoid it – domestic exploiters tend to show their vile side way later, when commitment is made, while up front they might seem lovely.
#11
When they can sit there and watch you cry over something they did and not feel an ounce of emotion about it.
Smeghead Tribble Down Under 2 months ago
My father with myself and my mother, all my life. He passed away recently so I suppose I shouldn't speak ill of the dead, but it's true.
#12
“I wouldn’t be with you if I thought you were stupid”
Proceeds to call me stupid every single day. Telling me everything I like is dumb and so are my parents. All my pets are dumb. He is the smartest person ever. He knows how to do everything. He spent five years in S. Korea. Knows more about Korea than my mom who was born there and lived there for 20 years. Says he’s afraid to let my mom dog sit because she might eat our dogs.
-Ex husband.
At the same time, some of the divorce causes can’t be attributed to any particular characteristic. Like incompatibility – at the beginning of the relationship, you might fit together perfectly, but with time, various experiences (both together and separately) can reshape you and skew your compatibility. So, it’s nothing you can predict before time, is it?
Of course, it doesn’t mean you should let your guard down and stop looking for red flags when dating. Being on the lookout is always important, as long as it’s not the sole thing you base your whole dating life on.
#14
You don't know the names of any of your children's: teachers, doctor, friends, interests, etc.
You put your spouse down in a "joking" manner in front of others.
You actively try to make sure your spouse never gets to do any pleasurable activity that doesn't include you (hobbies and such).
You're jealous and seek to control your partner.
You allow your partner to carry the whole households chores and when you do *something* you frame it as "helping" your spouse or doing them a favor.
Michael Largey 2 months ago
Growing up in the 1950s, this was considered the norm for husbands. What saved me was the fact that my dad was the exact opposite of all five of these things.
#15
Once I was driving a married couple I knew to the airport and the wife said “I think I just saw a monkey running on the side of the road!” And the husband lost his mind and was screaming at her “THERE ARE NO MONKEYS IN MARYLAND! ARE YOU F*****G STUPID!?!!!???!??”
So…him, he’s what screams horrible spouse.
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 2 months ago
Visions of headlines reading "Escaped circus monkey in Maryland".
This time, to help you out with that red flag lookout, we decided to compile a whole list of signals that a person might not be spouse material. Even if you are already coupled up, this can still be useful to you – for example, in spotting if your spouse is up to par. Understand, we are not poking holes in your relationship; we just want to raise awareness about some things that might not be acceptable.
Maybe you have even more examples you can add to this list? We’re always eager to hear you out in the comments!
#16
Always playing devil's advocate/extending grace to others in situations your spouse is clearly being treated wrongly. A friend of the family's ended up divorced and it was one of the tells I always saw that things weren't as happy as they tried to make it seem. Any time someone was rude to the wife, husband made excuses and rationalized that she must've done something to cause that behavior. Same with when there were disagreements about things. The husband would dogpile on the wife and almost take a glee in seeing them become increasingly uncomfortable even when we're discussing inconsequential things like whether or not we thought a movie was good. Idk if I'm explaining it right or using the right terminology but that s**t is toxic.
#17
Flirting with other people in front of them but it's "just harmless fun, stop being so sensitive". It's extremely disrespectful. And if the tables were turned to prove a point they would go bonkers.
Little Bit 2 months ago
My ex-husband would always flirt with other girls in front of me and when I got upset about it, apparently I was the one with the problem. Yet if I so much as looked at another guy he would accuse me of having a full blown affair.
#18
Systematically separating a spouse from hobbies and or friends.
I see this too often in relationships. And they brain wash them into thinking it’s necessary to be a good spouse or parent.
I usually see this come from the side of the relationship that doesn’t engage in hobbies or stay in touch with their friends if they had any. It’s like because they don’t have any they have to pull the other one down.
These are usually the people who you notice the biggest differences in when they get divorced. You see them get vitally back bc they are once again doing the things that bring them joy and letting joyful people back into their life.
#19
Dismissing concerns or turning any time they communicate their feelings into how it hurts your feelings. Not supporting your partner or talking negatively about them behind their backs for validation. Approaching issues by trying to win instead of facing the problem as a team. Failing to communicate concerns or feelings, leading to resentment and disrespect.
#20
My head chef's boyfriend walked through the back door of the restaurant to come into the kitchen screaming in the middle of Friday night rush because she didn't answer her phone when he called. He was asking when she was off work from what I could tell.
So uhh, that.
#21
Going to a trip with friends while leaving your wife alone at home days after giving birth.
Bonus points if you do so while she is still at the hospital.
Billy Gene 2 months ago
Man, my wife was at the hospital inducing labour and it was slow going, the nurse and my wife told me "go get a coffee. It's going to be a while." So I went to the caf, got some fries and a coffee, drank it in the sunshine, came back to find her in the middle of labour. "Where the hell were you?!!" I have never lived that down.
#22
Families out to dinner where the mom is juggling children and unable to eat her own food while dad plays on his phone.
Michael Largey 2 months ago (edited)
Family out to dinner with dad playing on his phone - period.
#23
Yelling at spouse in front of kids.
Sarah 2 months ago
I think this one needs to be a bit more nuanced. Outright yelling at each other, sure, not a good idea. But raised voices during an argument is very human and I think it's good for kids to see that even healthy relationships struggle sometimes and have arguments. The words being said matter too. There are productive ways to argue about things.
#24
Emotional ~~hijacking~~ reactivity/blame shifting, whenever the first spouse has a grievance or wants to set a boundary the other person will shut down because it made them feel a certain way so the conversation is no longer about the first spouse. The first person is usually left trying to make amends but they never truly processed their original emotion.
Edit*
Bonus extra s****y spouse move: Using the kids as pawns. No matter which parent is at fault during a dispute traumatizing the children is never a good reason.
#25
Financial a***e. Any type of a***e is awful, but this one is WAY more common and accepted as normal than a lot of people think.
#26
The usuals of cheating, lying, disrespect.
But the underlying threads of conflict avoidance, dismissal of the partners feelings to avoid difficult discussions, inability to process and overcome issues without turning the focus onto their own emotions and making every issue about them, lack of accountability for how their actions impact their partner regardless of intentions. (Pretty much just a lack of emotional intelligence.)
Talking about relationship issues with anyone besides their partner without attempting resolution with their partner at all. Talking badly about their partner to others, effectively isolating their partner from mutual family/friends in the progress. Or putting friends/family into a difficult place where they have to offer advice or choose a side without the full picture.
Honestly, anything that consistently delays conflict resolution and builds resentment doesn’t equate to a good spouse. Obviously there are always nuances, but if these things are constants or common, they don’t usually add more than they take away from relationships.
Billy Gene 2 months ago
There are two people in a relationship. No more. (Well, throuples, but...) Talk to your partner about your issues, not your friends about your partner. I really hate this.
#27
Texting your work crush every day and neglecting to tell them you have a live in girlfriend already since she only exists when it’s convenient for you.
#28
Using things told in confidence as ammunition during arguments.
My ex would use things I had told him about my parents' untreated mental illness (yay, boomers) to wound me during fights if he was losing the upper hand.
#30
Leaving your wife at home alone with 3-4 kids, a postpartum dog, and 12-hour old newborn puppies to go out for a leisure activity.
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
You May Like MIL Crosses Boundaries After Sending Wedding Invites That Suit "Her Preferences" “Spiritual Awakening”: 49 People Who Canceled Their Wedding Last Minute Explain What Happened "What Wedding?": Husband Bewildered At Wife For Seemingly Forgetting They Got Married
Ieva Pečiulytė
Gabija Palšytė
Gabija Palšytė
Related on Bored Panda
