When you're doing something dangerous, the benefits should outweigh the risks, right? That's how most of us decide if certain things are worth our time and effort. However, sometimes things don't go as planned or we're just too dumb to know all our efforts ultimately will be futile.
Nevertheless, hilarity often ensues when we do some reckless stuff. One netizen wanted to hear the wildest stories folks had about doing dangerous stuff that was ultimately totally not worth it. So, they asked: "What's the most h**h-risk, low-reward thing you've ever done?"
From stupid decisions while drunk to overestimating their luck when swimming with the gators, folks online had all kinds of crazy stories to tell. Check them out below!
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I started smoking. Like wtf is this stupid s**t? It has literally no benefit it just makes me uncomfortable when I don't do it and when I do it as well. F**k cigarettes.
I loved smoking. Loved it! Virginia Slims Menthol. Smoked for more than 20 years. Then one morning I just didn't feel right. Prickly pain in my chest and blue lips and fingertips. I was hospitalized and diagnosed with adult onset asthma. I quit smoking. Not easy at all, but I did it. Asthma is the gift that keeps on giving. And I gave it to myself like an idiot. But, I'm 35 years smoke free.
Good god I miss smoking, the smell the feeling, all the little rituals around taking a smoke break 😭😭
Load More Replies...One good thing about the pandemic - I quit smoking after over 30 years. Cold turkey, but I was alone so I couldn't k**l anyone. 5 years later and I rarely miss it, but sometimes I get a mad craving that I have to beat down until it passes. F uck cigarettes.
I started smoking when I was 8 years old, and 40+ years later, I am paying for it with a vastly shortened lifespan. I now have end-stage COPD/emphysema, and every day is a blóódy nightmare!
I'm so sorry, Jenny. My mom had end stage COPD. It was...well, you know. I really am sorry.
Load More Replies...I hated smoking from the moment I started. It tastes gross, makes my hair, breath, and clothes smell even grosser, and the reason I do it? So I don’t suffer terribly when I don’t or can’t do it! Holy c**p! Smoking is the STUPIDEST thing I’ve ever done! AND it costs me $330/month to do it … and living in the barrio, I get my smokes waaay cheaper than other people do! 😞 I *loathe* myself for smoking. And the stupidest part? (Aside from knowingly giving myself cancer and/or emphysema and/or who knows what other diseases?) As a teen, I worked harvesting tobacco, and everyone ELSE was smoking! Whatta genius I am, huh? K**l me now, please! I can’t stand living in such close proximity to such a FOOL. Argh.
Smoked for over 30 years. Quit 3 days ago. I’m now working hard on my ex-smoker lines, y’know the ones, ‘eurgh I can’t stand the smell of smoke’, ‘you do know how damaging it is don’t you?’. 😜 I didn’t quit for health reasons, it’s cost and that my partner doesn’t like the smell. My health is pretty much irrelevant as I’m self-destructive so a shorter life would probably suit me.
I quit smoking six years ago, but even now when I catch a whiff of someone else's cigarette, I breathe deeply. I love that smell. It's like walking past a barbecue joint.
I stopped smoking when I was six.... Some kid found a pack of Marlboro and lit one up. I took one drag and had enough! Pure filth. Possibly not very pedagogical but my child's brain knew enough; stay away from cigarettes.
I started smoking on my 14th birthday. I loved smoking, and i've never stopped missing it. My wife, can't stand it, and pestered me to quit for for more than a year after i moved over here before giving it up as a hopeless task. On my 30th birthday, i woke up and decided to stop. Just on a whim, mostly just to prove to myself that i could stop as easily as i started. Almost 12 years now.
Go to work every day and work in close proximity to dozens of people during a pandemic for less than $500/wk
Be a nurse on a covid unit.
I leave my small children and go work 12 hour shifts to get cussed out, swung at, spat on, called names, and other vile things. Meanwhile, my patients are desatting and declining rapidly from covid-19.
Nursing was a thankless job before this pandemic, but with the potential risk of infecting myself or kids, and the obvious PTSD from all the death, I’m seriously considering changing careers.
Daughter was a junior doctor during the pandemic - she was OK till one of her cohort at med school died from it.
I worked medical transportation at that time and I felt so bad for the folks who were doing nursing then. We had a metric 💩 ton of clients who went to PT at that time and they would/could not understand why there were protocols in place and that they had to live within them.
God the pandemic brought out the worst in so many people. Spitting on nurses? Seriously? Absolutely disgusting.
In primary school, I was involved in a whodunnit type forensics course one semester. At the end of the course, after we'd solved the crime, we did a "trial" to present our evidence and convict the m******r.
I played the part of the m******r. I wound up missing half the trial because I thought escaping and going on the run was in character, and the door was right there. The "police" in the trial had to bring me back in at least twice.
Luckily the teacher had a sense of humour and rolled with it, rather than declaring me a disruption to the class.
Climbing up a water tower when drunk to find a friend. Turns out said friend was not even lost. He was yelling at me from the base of the tower.
Dutch Pavillon at the Expo 2000. Abandoned, they removed the stepts from the stairs, which made my last two trips extremely exhaustative, and the view from the top is somewhat rewarding, but the nearby artifical hill delivers a better panorama.
A few years ago when I was wine drunk, I had this brilliant idea that I wanted to hug the chimney on our non-flat roof. My parents were out so I used their spare key to get into their place and went in the attic. From there, I climbed out of this little trap door thing and cautiously lifted myself onto the roof. I ended up hugging the chimney, followed by a much more difficult climb back down to the trapdoor. So stupid. I was like four stories up.
Load More Replies...Reminds me of a story about my granddad and his brothers. They were climbing the grain tower on the farm while one was on the ground shooting at them with a BB gun. Depending on who tells the story, the one holding the gun changes. I have a feeling they did that more than once.
Whilst building a house, the second floor had an I beam that extended our into nowhere that needed to be painted with rust protection paint. The floor had not been installed yet and the joists were still going in. To save time, I shimmied out to the end of the beam and started painting. Every breath of wind made the whole thing sway. Just my movements made it wiggle a fair bit. Nearly took a six meter swan dive to a concrete floor about 12 times. I could have painted it after the floor was in but that would mean laying down drop sheets and lots of messing around. Should have waited. Was a totally stupid thing to do.
Going way beyond the speed limit when I first started driving.
I hear you. Had a motorcycle in high school. Lived in a rural area, ran it up to around 120 mph (almost 200 kph) on a straight but hilly country road. It occurred to me that if the neighbor's cow had gotten out and was on the road again, the coroner might give my parents a large plastic bag, telling them that it contains mostly my remains. Hmm, 40 mph is not so bad.
Same here. One time I managed to get my mom's minivan to briefly hit 100mph. I was actually a responsible teenager, a good driver, and well behaved - but that didn't stop me from doing stupid stuff sometimes. And as a young adult I had a LOT of speeding tickets. Not because I was trying to drive fast, but because I just never paid attention to the limit. That was an expensive lesson for me! At least I learned it though. :)
50+ years ago, the day I received my license. My brother and I drive past the high school (as you do to show off) and arrive at a corner in have been at HUNDREDS of times and know that left turns aren't permitted, and I promptly turn left. All these years later and I still shake my head when I think about it.
I think we all did that when young not thinking anything is going to happen to us.
I blame amusement parks. They let you use go-karts before you can legally drive cars, and go-karting is all about "drop a rock on the pedal and drive one-handed" type of stuff
AS I got older, I found that there were fewer and fewer places I was in any hurry to get to.
Once got in a fit of road rage...
- A guy cut me off on the interstate, so I honked at him (wasn't a quick honk, it was a longer one, few seconds)
- Guy slows down and matches the speed of the car in the right lane, so I'm blocked now.
- I flash my headlights and honk again
- He proceeds to spit out his sunroof and it hits my windshield
- He then accelerates heavily back to speed
- I floor it, move to the right lane and move to pass him
- He floors it, now we're both going faster (definitely got over 85mph, limit was 65 IIRC)
- Coming up quickly on a delivery truck in the right lane (he's still in the left, I'm in the right) I punch it harder
- I just barely get in ahead of him then cut him off, maybe 50ft before the delivery truck.
- I slow down and match the speed of the delivery truck. Wait for probably a minute at that speed (speed limit) then pass the delivery truck and move right. (he had been tailgating me and half driving on the shoulder)
- Guy floors and flies past, I return to going 5 over the speed limit.
Lots of risk, zero reward. I was a complete idiot and there was nothing to gain. Saved no time and endangered at least 3 lives, if not more (mine, other guy, and delivery truck).
Yeah, I've dealt with some terrifying people with road rage. 🙀
Road rage is one of the stupidest things a human being can engage in. You’re risking a ticket and arrest as well as risking your life and the lives of others or worse, partial or total paralysis, and for what? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. What have you accomplished? Besides raising your blood pressure as well as that of those around you, what’s the reward? My cow; you’ve got to be brain dеad to participate such an incredibly stupid activity!
You just never know what kind of crazy is out there - and whether they might have a gun.
They could also stalk you and commit an act of violence off the road. Not worth the risk at all.
Load More Replies...People that get "road rage" should never be allowed to have a driver's license.
Road rage gets me in trouble too! But since shootings are now a daily occurrence where I live, (Kansas City) I have decided that a raod rage shooting woulf be THE dumbest way to die. No way I am going out like that.
I’ve witnessed numerous road rage incidents, from a wagon you get to see all sorts of stuff. I’ve had folk approach my wagon and threaten me, I’ve never left my vehicle, if they have a weapon I’m toast. I try to be kind to my fellow road users but you’ll always meet a fruitloop who thinks the road is all theirs. If someone messes up forgive them, they aren’t perfect, if you mess up just apologise, it’s not going to hurt you and the other driver may very well be kind back to you.
Told this story before but it's been a while.
My friends and I used to break into expensive looking houses and use their showers. This was in the late 90s when ridiculous showers were in vogue and we wanted to know if they were actually any good (for the most part they were not). We never stole anything (well, except water). We brought our own towels and toiletries. We were very careful about who we "hit" and made sure they had set schedules and no children or pets. The reward was a s****y shower. We risked jail time.
I wonder if that was during the popularity of steam showers? Which are expensive and usually end up non functional. They used to give them away all the time on The Price is Right.
I do remember all the ads on tv for them and jingles like “instal a rheeeeeeeem!”- I was a kid but I want to know why everyone was shower obsessed then 😂
Load More Replies...We used to do it for hammocks, pools and spas,(2001) we were two 13 yr old girls lol got caught once by a manager of a resort and one by police after being reported for jumping out of a rich houses yard for using their pool and spa etc. I swear we only got off cos ny bff was the pretty blonde who looked like Mandy Moore and was just as sweet (I was feral as).
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Balanced on the top rung of a six meter ladder to change a light bulb at work.
I wouldn't CLIMB a six meter ladder let alone try to change a light bulb from the top!
Me either, I’m 4foot 10 though so I can always use that as an excuse if someone wants it done 😂 I’ll need 6 ladders please 😂
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I was in band in h**h school, I had a friend from middle school that was also involved in athletics at the time and the two of us were outcasts among the greater band nerd population and often got talked down to, which even our instructor would join in on from time to time.
At the time flipping backpacks was popular (taking things out of the backpack, flipping the backpack inside-out, returning the items to the bag and zipping the bag back up).
One day when we had a substitute in and he had the class watch the typical BS Mozart movie from the 80s again. I found a mega bag of zip ties and convinced my buddy to help me flip every students backpack, zip tie the bags closed, and then zip tie the bags into the instrument lockers while everyone watched the movie.
If we got caught and reported the instructor 100% would have suspended us, so we were on extra edge and right as we were wrapping up the substitute locked eyes with us from across the room and realized what was going on and decided to pretend nothing happened and we completed the mission right on time. The class was very pissed as the lights flicked on and they saw what had unfolded.
The substitute came back for a class later that year and talked to us saying he had to actively try not to lose his s**t when he saw what was going on.
I f*****g love you Mr Hudson.
Waa the 'bs" Mozart movie Amadeus by any chance? We watched that in music class in 5th grade. It tooks weeks to watch. One of my favorite movies to this day.
I bet you're right! Anyone remember the song from the 80's called Rock Me Amadeus that was part of the soundtrack?
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Hid an a*****e boyfriend from the cops. Ended up breaking up with him afterwards and going to jail for a day(I was super lucky, harboring a fugitive is a felony, folks). I risked having a permanent felony on my record for a dude without a job who regularly verbally abused me. Without a doubt the stupidest thing I’ve ever done because I thought I loved him and wanted to be with him forever.
I used to dive in ponds at golf courses to collect the lost b***s and clean/sort them to sell back to the courses. It's unbelievable just how many snakes, alligators, and leeches live in those things. I made less than minimum wage (around 6ish at the time) and had countless close calls with critters. However, the most dangerous creatures on golf courses are old people. They do not give a f**k if you're working, they will absolutely send b***s of hard plastic hurdling at your head at 50mph without a second thought, then get pissed when their ball hit your tank or cart and split open, then demand you hand over some of your recovered b***s in compensation.
Edit: I have been informed golf b***s fly much faster than 50mph.
Another edit: Yes, the course was always informed when we were there, and they were usually the ones to make the appointments. We quarantined off the area with bright tape and cones with signs and the golfers were either informed to steer clear of the area or the course shut down for a couple hours. It depends on the course though. Some people believe those rules are a suggestion and ignore all of it, especially in places without barriers or fences around the course.
One more edit: This was in Florida, hence the density of dangerous wildlife.
And a lot of dangerous creatures - people included.
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I was working as a chef in a gourmet bar/restaurant, and I’d become somewhat of a teachers pet in the form of my managers favourite employee because I was never late, covered shifts etc (not for his sake, I wanted more money). New guy started and he was just awful, only got 2 weeks into the job before almost being sacked but I wanted to teach him the ways. Anyway, one day he carelessly left a cloth on an open flame during prep in the morning of Valentine’s Day (our biggest revenue generator) and the fire ravaged through about 1/4 of the kitchen, including the stock, the microwaves, the cooker and the veg prep area. And for some stupid f*****g reason I said it was my fault when the manager was on the warpath, thinking the new guy would be saved and I’d just take a humongous bollocking for being stupid and all would be fine eventually...
Nope. I got sacked. He threw me out.
To this day I will never ever ever understand why I put my neck into that guillotine of fire.
From the comments: 'You are a really good person, I hope you got a better job now that you enjoy, and that the s/hitty employee’ actually found something he liked doing and doesn’t have to work a job he obviously doesn’t care for.' -------- OP: 'Thank you! I was in and out of other catering jobs before I was scouted (?) by a guy who at the time ran a small catering business for functions, weddings, birthdays etc and wanted me to take charge of the physical side while he handles finance, makes the calls etc. We’ve now taken it to a much bigger level and have over 50 employees so I’d say things have gotten better. I still put my neck on the line for those who need a break, it just hurts to see people in the s/hit when I can probably take it a lot easier. As for the d/umbass, last I heard he was still at the restaurant but that was about a year ago so...who knows!'
I gather New Guy didn’t take responsibility, and Favorite Guy wasn’t believed when he tried to tell the truth. Yup; it was an awfully stupid thing to do and I *really* hope he learned his lesson. At least he didn’t mention having to pay for “his” damages.
A cloth left on an open flame???? Forget about being a chef - he cant even take care of himself.
If you see a fire of this nature and don't even attempt to put it out, you are equally 'guilty'. Someone could have died or been horribly injured and thus on your conscience for the rest of your life.
Moved across the country for a guy. Got married, now divorced, hate it here, no family.
Not everyone can afford to move across the country.
Load More Replies...I moved across the country to escape a man. It's hard, but my parents came with me so I'm not alone and my new job is great
Taking a year in a program I wasn’t interested in to try and get a girl, who turned me down instantly.
I swam in the Zambezi when I was drunk on a tiger fishing trip. Still can't believe I was that stupid. For those that don't know, its infested with hippos and crocs, known for taking people.
I swam in the lower Nile just north of the Aswan Dam. The water at the dam hadn't passed through (much) civilization and was somewhat clean, including a fortunate lack of crocodiles. I still have a liter of Nile water and Sahara Sand that I use as bookends.
I fell off a boat into the Nile right outside Cairo and had to get approximately 400 different shots. We had very different experiences.
Load More Replies...African tiger fish. That's what they were trying to catch.,
Load More Replies...This one terrified me just reading about it. It’s still not as stupid as smoking, but it’s way up there!
Infested? It's their natural territory so how can they be "infesting" it?
Decided to see how fast I could get up to on a nearby neighborhood road. Driving my mother's car no less. Got up to 80mph in around 6 seconds I think, and by the time I realized I should be slowing down the tires were screeching as I tried to stay on the road.
It was a mostly straight neighborhood road (35mph) that curved near the end leading to a four way stop. I got up to 80 right where the road began to curve, and as I was turning I was going so fast that I went over into the other lane, just a foot or two from going up over the curb.
Slowed down and brought the car to a stop at the intersection and my family member sitting in the passenger seat looked over at me as if he had just s**t the life right out of himself.
I was 19 at the time, and got my license that same summer. My passenger was 16. I've never had such a powerful moment of instant regret after that day. I didnt feel cool at all. I could've k**led a pedestrian, a child, or myself and my family member.
That was the day I truly learned that I could lose my life, and have respected all traffic laws since (well, to a reasonable extent). I'm only glad that we came out completely unharmed.
I was a free intern for a flower shop. One day there was a shady person walking in the store basement. Somebody said he stole something from the shop and fled to the basement. The shop was in an apartment building, street level and the basement led to all over the building. So they said to me a 16 y/o girl to go to the basement and check the situation out. Well I was young and dumb and went. Thank god I found no one.
I used to work in Occupational Health. One company had a guy off work (suspended) and they worried about his mental health so asked me (F) to do a home visit -17th floor of a well known tower block. Reason for suspension? Workmate had accused him of r*pe. I politely declined.
I would have declined, but not politely. What sort of moron asks a woman to do a mental health visit to the home of a suspected rapist?
Load More Replies...You were not as dumb as the people who sent you!!! WTF!?!?!?!?
Sent my boss a glitter b**b, never told anyone who sent it. The whole organization, thousands of people, know it happened, boss flipped out when glitter went everywhere. I’ll never tell anyone.
Little more background. No one likes this boss. I actually accidentally walked in to bosses office the second after it was open by accident. Glitter, everywhere, all over them, a huge pile on their desk, and scattered around the computer, keyboard, their hair, the carpet. They were pissed, and I had to stand there and wait for the reaction, which was nuclear melt down...
They tried everything to figure it out... the company is great and they will not disclose lol... everyone was questioned lol... in the end everyone just went about their business, and the boss looked bad for blowing it out of proportion trying to rally their bosses to find me out... I was terrified I’d be found out and ~~fired~~ punished. (I had already been fired from my position by this person for communicating a work stoppage)
This was very long ago and I no longer work for the organization, they are no longer with the company, in a strange twist, the boss was removed from her position for being a monster.
In this one limited circumstance, all that glittered was gold. Comedy gold.
I'm probably the only person on earth who'd actually love a glitter bomb (eco friendly of course).
*Of course* you'd like a glitter bomb! It's literally part of your name!
Load More Replies...I have been wanting to do this to a truly awful person, but I'm much too scared.
Do you think the boss actually was the one to try and clean it? I'm sure it was the poor, innocent office cleaner who had to deal with it for weeks afterwards.
Load More Replies...The fact that you actually got to witness the nuclear fallout first hand!! Well done : )
Broke into an abandoned mental hospital on c*****e with a bunch of people I mostly didn't even like in college. Technically I got something out of it-- a door number from one of the rooms, which I promptly became terrified would somehow make me haunted (because c*****e) and passed off to someone else at the first opportunity.
As someone who used to have substance abuse issues with cocáine... yep, this is exactly the kind of thing that one's effed-up brain decides is a good idea to do while under the influence... and the "haunted" part is also legit XD (I've been clean for almost 5 years now but I remember those days too well!)
A friend of mine (20+ years ago) was under the influence of some substances and stole some wind chimes from a grave and were convinced they were haunted after several years of crazy, unexplainable things happening at the house where they hung them. Pretty sure karma was doing the haunting. (They DID eventually return the chimes.)
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When I was young, I spent $100 on my mum's credit card on a game, I deleted everything relating to my purchase, but got caught eventually. I regret spending on stupid games so much.
Walking into my house as a confident 15 year old with a cigarette in my mouth telling my dad things where gonna change around here.
Wow! Did not expect this! I feel I must clarify for all involved. This was a skit from a Lee Evans consort I had just watched with a friend. Thinking it was a good idea (idk why) I thought of doing it to my dad, a merchant seaman of considerable years and experience. A hard man basically. Your either liked or not. No middle ground with him.
I didn’t take into account that he hadn’t seen this particular concert and for all intents and purposes, does not do funny.
The hit I took that day forever changed me as a man, as it’s the best I’ve had yet. So yes things changed, I never tried anything that foolhardy again, I still get ringing in my right ear and I never ever ever told my mom because I fear her more.
Idk that seems like an overreaction from the dad. I wouldn't have been able to take it seriously from the beginning and assumed it was a joke.
Who was the Lee Evans "consort"? Or perhaps it was a concert - which it isn't if it's a one-man show.
“things where gonna change around here”: Wow! The stones on that boy! My dad is slightly different from his, as no one can stand him, and I wouldn’t have survived a shot from my dad (or else woulda suffered severe and irreversible brain damage), but I’m unable to even imagine saying that to my dad. When I try, I just see black. Good grief; the things we do as dumb teens, taking our lives in our hands while not imagining the outcomes. This photo is sooo perfect, as we can see the cockiness on his face before a big, meaty paw wipes it right off.
Taking an ex to high school prom because we were “friends”.
I paid for the ride, the dinner, the tickets, because it was my prom, not theirs (one year junior to me).
We got to the event and they ignored me, wouldn’t dance with me, wouldn’t talk to me (told me point blank that they would not) and told their friend group (the dates my other friends asked) to ostracize me once we arrived. So much for being friends, I guess they were planning on this F U for a while (background: I broke up with them because they cheated on me, and *they* felt betrayed).
I was floored and went and danced with a Colombian friend of mine who was a fantastic dancer and we had a great time. Found ex in the hallway crying because they were so embarrassed that I had “abandoned” my date and went and danced with “not so nice word for a promiscuous woman”.
They refused to acknowledge their own hypocrisy and cruelty. I truly thought we were good before this night. I never talked to them again.
Glad you learned from this. My BFF was my date to prom. Spent a lot of money on dress, tickets, etc. He stood me up. I forgave him and our friendship continued for close to 15 years before he f****d me over again. Wish I were smarter.
You spent all that money to go to the prom. He was a no-show. Get angry about it, go to the prom anyway, let everyone know what he did, and have a good time.
Load More Replies...Not sure how you could stay friends with someone who first cheated on you - then tried to play the effing victim.
Snuck a girl over and had unprotected s*x while my parents were home. Got syphilis at 17.
CPR on 2 active TB patients, felt like s**t after, neither made it.
I used to work with open TB cases - use a face shield for CPR (and make sure your BCG is still active)
You aren't even supposed to breath now. Just chest compressions.
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Was about 15 and riding in the back of the car being driven by my sister with some friends of mine there as well. I got this bright idea to impress everyone by doing a Chinese Fire Drill (When you get out of the car at a red light and everyone runs a lap around it with the option of returning to your original seat or someone else's but you have to do another lap if yours is taken).
D*****s me forgot that my parents were also going to the same place and didn't bother to look around to make sure the cosst was clear. It was not - the parents were in the car directly behind us.
Also, I was the only one to actually do the CFD - everyone else thought I was joking.
We used to do that in high school. I have no idea why we thought it was funny. We stopped after someone fell and got hurt.
I can understand why OP's parents could have been upset. OP could have been struck by another car - unlikely, but unsafe enough to make it not "fine".
Load More Replies...Did a fire drill like that in high school too.....did not see the cop however...
My friends and I used to target and steal those signs that said "If you are caught stealing you will be prosecuted". Many illegal things were done and many hundreds of thousands of dollars of stuff was ignored to steal increasingly difficult to obtain paper signs.
People steal any sign here that has 420 on it constantly. But at least the kids are going outside?
Not 420, but here in Utah (and Arizona, Colorado and New Mexico) back in 2003 U.S. Route 666 was changed to Route 491. In the words of a Utah Highway Patrolman, the 666 signs "...were stolen as fast as we could put them up."
Load More Replies...This isn’t “high risk/low reward,” but rather “high risk/no reward.” Cripes; they got NOTHING of any value, and instead risked prison and the bad things that happen to young boys in there. Jeez; sounds as if something was looking out for them!
I'm guessing that their reward, smol though it may be, was the thrill of stealing the signs themselves XD So to them, *at the time*, it wasn't "no reward".
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Jumping onto a bus that was pulling away from the bus stop without closing its doors.
The bus is every 10 minutes.
"Never run for a streetcar. There's always anodda one comin' along in a few minutes." - the 2000 Year Old Man
I ate an innocent piece of lettuce in Bolivia.
...
Yeah I ended up in hospital and I think I still have all my organs?
My mother did that back in the nineties! She came down with Hepatitis A and still can't donate blood. Never drink from the tap or eat non-packaged fruit on the street when you're in Bolivia, but do visit. It's gorgeous and like nowhere else on earth. Well, Santa Cruz de la Sierra kind of sucks, but there's other stuff to see.
Living overseas, I got what I think was an enterovirus - probably from a fruit/veg from the market that I didn't wash enough - was terribly sick for four months and then could not eat anything fibrous or acidic (no fruits, no vegs) for nearly two years after - I think the virus ate through my stomach lining, so many normal foods became painful irritants. Had to slowly re-acclimate to regular food. Been back to normal for a while but that was quite the experience.
The dangerous leafy green, you sure it wasn’t from the coca plant?
Could be. That's available everywhere you go. Makes a super-acid, super-strong herbal tea, but most people just chew it like others would tobacco.
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Over 10 years of illegal graffiti, so f*****g stupid. It's been the only constant in my life for a decade, I'm an expert in a stupid a*s hobby.
Arrested multiple times, been beat up multiple times. I went against the status quo of earning my stripes and accepting disrespect from the older generation, this made far more enimies than friends. There are multiple people that I don't want to run into because of s**t we disagreed on 5-10 years ago. Rehab twice. Had a reward out for me that was almost 20 times minimum wage in that country. Gave up on art school and barely made it through second try because it was "selling out" and I only cared about graff.
I'm not even a hardcore graffiti writer, I'm mediocre at best. I just stayed a purist and didn't transition to legal stuff (legal graffiti is a contradiction and is looked down on by illegal artists). I made it into my late twenties and I'm not a failure at life, I came out better than most of the guys I've painted with over the years. I work in a completely different field now with mediocre qualifications.
Now I'm considered an expert/veteran, but the only people that look up to me are 16 year old degenerates. Not worth it. It gets girls though.
Hah ! So - called "graffiti artists". BS. They're nothing more than narcissistic vandals who ruin property and cause a great deal of distress and expense. I volunteer with a vintage steam train group in Australia, and when years of volunteer work gets ruined by graffiti, it's heart - breaking and involves an enormous amount of work and money to get it off. The police eventually caught the b*****d that ruined our carriages ( as well as others on the regular main line railways ). He had come from Germany to Australia, specifically to graffiti as much as possible during his stay. Disgusting behaviour.
... 1000 days, 1000 trains? By which name did the dude go, any ... biblical ... names involved? Or does it sound somewhat faucettish?
Load More Replies...Feel free to add me to the list of people who would happily kick your adz. You're not "an artist", you're a punk who thinks you have the right to deface other peoples property. You're no better than the eh-hole who painted "see you next Tuesday" on my 78 year old mothers fence.
I was stationed at GTMO (worked exterior security, nothing in the facility itself) and its actually a pretty laid back place to work. Anywho theres a bunch of different beaches we could swim at and me and a few others thought it would be fun to swim down around the fences and snap some pictures on the Cuba side. Turns out they really didn't like that. They didn't approach us but there was an announcement made that doing such was highly illegal, they shut down the adjoining beaches and they demanded we come forward. We never did and they never figured it out..but yeah we basically risked an international incident for a couple of pictures. Stupidest thing I've ever done.
GTMO = Guantanamo Bay. It's a US detention camp in Cuba for terrorists and other super bad people. Not a place anyone wants to be imprisoned - you're probably going to be tortured.
One day i locked myself out of my apartment. I had to pay around 70 euros last time, so my dumb a*s decided to climb the facade to my window (i live at the second floor). Yes, i could have broke a limb or my neck for the price of a triple A game.
Wasting 2000+ hours for playing competitive multiplayer game. At the end, nothing i got other than hurting my eyes, brain, and my emotion.
Is that Age of Empires?? I spent SO many hours playing that game, though it's not an online multiplayer unless my memory is even worse than I suspect.
Asked out my ex.
Licked raw chicken to prove not all chicken had Salmonella.
Told my mom that my dad was working outside and not the truth of him tearing out a wall because he decided a sliding door would be pretty... he did not get it done before she got home.
I moved across the country (California to Massachusetts) because I saw my h**h school crush on a dating site.
Turns out she won't date bald men under any circumstances.
EDIT: After I moved to MA, I put up a profile on the dating site and sent her a brief message. She changed her profile to express disinterest in bald men, so I never contacted her again. She never knew who I was.
That sucks. Just so you know, some women (like me!) find bald and balding men very attractive. My partner is balding.
There's someone out there who thinks everyone is attractive. Statistically, more than just one someone.
Load More Replies...Massachusetts is superior to California in every single way, so I don't see this an error. Too bad things didn't work out with your old flame, though.
I got hit by a car and broke two bones in my wrist. I was on my bike and the girl who hit me was a new driver. I didn't feel like messing up her record over a small mistake and making her insurance rates skyrocket. I didn't know what was messed up initially, but I just didn't want to make it bad for her. I was barely hit, I basically just fell straight sideways on my wrist. Granted, if my bike was busted, I probably would have gone after her, because that was how I got to school and around everywhere.
Edit: A couple of people are calling me a simp, I was extremely tuned out, and wasn't really focused on her. Plus, I had (and still have) a girlfriend who's far prettier.
I'll also add that I got hit on September 13th (Friday) and that night was a full moon.
Dude, what? Are you drunk? Because most of your comments sound like you are.
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I skipped class after a standardized test. Literally the afternoon teachers were showing movies and doing nothing and I decided it was smart to get in school suspension to sit behind a warehouse and nap with with my d*****s "friend"...
On a fateful day in elementary school they had a fire alarm and I thought I could just go home. I persuaded a friend to come with ne lol. We didn't get in trouble, but our teacher got in big trouble for losing to children during a fire drill
I've talked about this before, but Halloween costumes were banned at my high school because of some idiots like 10 years before that dressed up and used it as an excuse to hide their face while they vandalized the school.
My senior year more than half of the class decided that we would still dress up and march into the school together in the morning. We all knew we would be punished right away, but it didn't matter. I stayed up all night making a suit of armor out of metallic duct tape and carboard, along with a broomstick horse to ride.
The next day we all gathered in the parking and waited for everone to show up. People went all out and there were a lot of amazing costumes, and after about 20 minutes of waiting we started our march in. The deans had learned of our plan and were waiting for us right as we entered. They started pulling people aside in groups and taking student IDs to hand out Saturday detentions.
Got to be in costume for all of about 30 minutes before they made us change and gave us our detentions. Except for a few people that wore costumes that couldn't be changed out of, like my buddy Dave that was a Ghostbuster and had nothing under his jumpsuit, those people got in-school suspension for the day along with the detentions.
This seems like pretty harmless fun. I certainly would have done it in exchange for a Saturday. We only live once...it should be as fun as possible.
SO STUPID. I find it hard to believe that the faculty had nothing better to do.....
Using a razor to manscape.
Lots and lots of illegal graffiti. For about 3 years it was all I cared about.
Hanging off ledges and bridges, climbing up the sides of buildings, being on roofs, hiding under trains, being in dangerous places by myself at 3am, abandoned buildings, squatter houses, rough neighbourhoods. Not to mention the risk of criminal prosecution. Paint doesn't just fall into your lap either, one year I spent $5000 on spraypaint on top of getting it any other ways I could.Homeless guy with a knife, a couple of gangsters tried to rob me, a freight train was about a foot away from running over me. (Not all at the same time lol but those were some of the worst bits)
And for what? Just to put some paint on a wall or train and take a photo of it.
EDIT: Yeah I definitely got some kicks, the big kicker was watching a train go by and seeing 4 or 5 of my pieces on it, or seeing something of mine in a newspaper. I put it down to being fascinated by the artform, and not normally feeling anything due to the antidepressants I was on at the time. The anti's helped with the anxiety and fear of doing criminal stuff too. Like having the mental battle with myself to force myself to break into a train yard or paint a wall in-front of cars on the highway.
I haven't done any illegal stuff for a few years now, I have things to live for. It was a very strange time in my life to say the least. Thanks for reading.
Look at ME!! I painted a giant swear word on somebody elses property! I'm an artist!! " Yeah, you're pratically Banksy. Or, you know, just some dumb punk with a paint can, who gets his jollies ruining other peoples stuff. Lets skip the "artist" c**p and call you what you really are...
I stole every wheel off the chairs in my h**h school's computer lab as a joke during a 20-minute break. I still have one of them. Probably could've gotten expelled just for a slightly funny joke and a useless chair wheel.
I once went on a heater at the Luxor in Vegas. When it was over I had turned 60 bucks into 78k and change.
I was drunk with excitement. It was 8am Saturday. On the way to the cage (shadowed by 3 floor guys,) I spied an empty blackjack table. I walked over to it and asked one of the floor guys with me if I could bet it all in one hand. (The table has a 5k limit.)
He nodded ok.
AA. I had no money to split!!!!!! After two hits we end up pushing on a 17 and I avoided what would have been the most stupid, embarrassing thing I have ever done.
Blackjack goal to get to 21 without going over. He got two aces (can count as an eleven or a 1, so he's either got 22 -bust, or 2. but since he'd spent all his money he couldnt split them up into two hands (which is a strategy). He ended up managing to take a few more hits (counting the aces as ones,) before he got to 17. Yeah, realizing that if you don't know blackjack my explanation didn't help.
Load More Replies...What's a "heater", apart from something which keeps you warm ? What does to last paragraph mean ? "AA" ..... alcoholics anonymous ?
During an all-nighter study session with my college roommate we decided we wanted to get some McDonald’s. It was around 1am, so we left all of our stuff in a common study room (laptops and all- wtf) and got in my car. It was pitch black, super foggy with my lights on, and raining to top it all off. I couldn’t see more than a foot in front of my car so we were driving 10mph down the highway on no sleep. After less than 5 terrifying minutes we decided the cheeseburgers weren’t worth it and went home. Essentially h**h risk, no reward.
I drove to Taco Bell in an ice storm. Made it home safely. My order was wrong and I couldn't eat anything I got. College.
I many of us made a few questionable choices in college. ;)
Load More Replies...You should just step away from the computer for a while. Maybe sleep it off?
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Shoplifted c**doms 3 years ago, I'm still a virgin.
So go somewhere else. You're not being forced to click on anything. We all know this site has a dumb censor program. If you can't handle that there are literally thousands of other websites available. Quit complaining already!
Load More Replies......okay, that "lol prison rápe, wouldn't have been a virgin after going to jail!!" part of your comment wasn't funny.
Load More Replies... Slept in a tent at an abandoned asbestos mine. Was able to see some of the asbestos all over the ground. View wasn’t bad in the morning though.
Note: Most asbestos related issues don’t show for ~30 years. (Don’t know if it is 30 years. Can’t be bothered looking it up) I won’t know if I’m safe or going to end up with lung damage.
When I lived in Greece, the local chest hospital was in a village translated as 'asbestos countryside' next to an open cast mine.
One exposure to loose non-dust/non-particle asbestos shouldn't cause any lasting damage to OP.
Stole some random season of Seinfeld dvds from Walmart by putting them under my hoodie. Alarm went off as I left but it was 1 am so no one did s**t. Just kept on walking.
Walmart staff just said "Yadda Yadda" and went on with their jobs.
I've had moments where I sign out a library book and the librarian forgets the sticker that stops the alarms
My first marriage, starting in the 1980s.
A word of advice: Never marry a celebrity unless you are one as well.
No one. OP is lying. They said in another comment: "I never said I was going to protect their privacy. I didn't expect any interest, maybe 5 people taking the bait. I don't even know why I dredged it up from a former life. This was part of a set I did in the late 80s when I just knew that I was going to be the next comic to break big. Stand-up had exploded and ever town seemed to have a club. Needless to say, I didn't become a huge success. Anyway, near the start of the set, I'd say the "Never marry a celebrity" just as a throwaway line. Then I had a few directions that I could go, depending on the reaction. I never revealed the celebrity until the last line of a set. Acting like I almost forgot to tell them, I said "Ladies. And gentleman. I was married. To Satan. Goodnight." Eh, sometimes it worked fairly well. It was better to do the callback and reveal when people had a drink or two in them. I'd get groans, sometimes a good belt of laughter, guys pointing at each other, etc. It was hit and miss. Forgive me, everyone. I was young and stupid back then, thought I knew everything, and worked very hard to prove to myself, and others, that I definitely didn't know everything. I would love to be able to go back in time and slap myself in the back of the head. P. S. I'm anticipating a flood of "No wonder you never made it. You suck." People, it was a tiny bit of a set. Forgive me, and move on with your lives."
Load More Replies...How do people become "celebrities" ? IMO they're just useless narcissists.
While camping on my own in North Queensland, Australia, I once set up my camera and tripod on the viewing platform of a lookout overlooking a waterfall and tropical rainforest. Being a wanna-be Instagrammer and wearing flip-flops, I then set my camera’s timer to ten seconds, jumped over the safety barrier, sprinted over extremely rocky terrain, stopping myself from running before quickly sitting on the edge of an “instant death” style cliff face and waited a few seconds for the camera to go “click”.
Once I reached relative safety after stupidly risking my life, I casually stepped off a rock on my way to view the photo and twisted my ankle (while in flip-flops...). Being on my own, I had to pack up my camera gear while in excruciating pain, my ankle swelling up like a balloon. I got all Bear Grills on myself, turned my tripod into a walking stick and limped and hopped my way back down the trail for about an hour, finally making it back to my campsite where I began soothing my throbbing ankle by performing first-aid on myself.
While chilling with some ice on my elevated ankle, I decided to check what was surely an amazing photo that would be my pride and joy for years to come, only to realise that I was wearing my green and brown t-shirt that blended into the background so you couldn’t even see me in the shot anyway.
Smuggled €250,000 (d**g money, taped to my chest) through 4 countries for the princely sum of £3000...I risked my freedom for a sofa, a nice sofa, but still. 2/10 would not do again.
I once smuggled West German Deutschmarks into East Germany through checkpoint Charlie. Not a huge amount, but in the small pocket in my jeans, so the notes folded flat.
One day I was walking down the street from my friends house back to my home. Like a 5 minute walk. As I'm walking down there was a couple in front of me, a woman and her boyfriend.
We keep walking down and this guy is shouting abuse at her, treating her like a dog, being aggressive. She does not seem in a good place.
We get to my house, I live above a shop. So the guy goes into the shop while the woman waits on a wall nearby. I go over to her quickly, ask her if she's okay, does she need help, can I ring the police and make sure she knows I will protect her from him if needed.
She says she's okay but thanks me. I tell her to contact the police if she needs to, no one deserves to be treated like that, but otherwise resign myself to knowing I did what I could.
The boyfriend comes out of the shop, I walk towards the shop, not going home yet as I don't want him to know where I live. He walks over to her and they proceed to cross the road. During that time she must have told him what I said.
The guy walks back over towards me, shouting abuse and telling me to keep my nose out. Now he's a big guy and I'm a 5'3 woman. I will not be talk to like that. So I give as good as I get and tell him if he does anything to her I know what he looks like!
He proceeds to curse me out some more. The bad thing was even though I took a risk and that woman then put me in danger for trying to help her, and I was scared, I still felt bad for her. They looked like substance abusers and I just wish she had accepted my help and got away from him, even after throwing me under the bus.
Good for you ! These bullies are usually just bluff and wind. . I doubt that a bully like that would have physically attacked a woman, that's why they rely on verbal abuse.
Sneaking into my parents room at night while they were sleeping to use the en suite as it was more comfortable than the shared bathroom. It took ages as I slowly opened the door and crept across the room too. All for a cozier poop.
Thinking back now that was madness. When I did get caught eventually my dad screamed wtf are you doing in here at this hour and when the answer was to use THAT bathroom instead of the other bathroom he just about lost his mind.
Not a big deal I would have thought. Probably would have been better to have asked first though.
We had some renovations at our old house - new bathrooms and an extra bedroom. Daughter came home from uni and we showed her the 'main bathroom', the new shower room and our ensuite, and told her to use the nearest bathroom overnight. Well, at 3am she reckoned the 'nearest' bathroom was our ensuite.....
Trying to beat a red light.
Back in 2000 or 2001 right after my mom passed away me and my brother moved in with my dad and "his family" into a new house. Not even a month after we moved in our house burnt down. They said it was an electrical fire, but anyway i pulled my dad's (now deceased) wife's granddaughter out of the house and not once did i ever get so much as a thank you from my dad's wife, the girls mom or anyone in that family. And i haven't a doubt in my mind that had i not pulled the kid out of the house she probably wouldn't have gotten out alive. I was 13 or 14 at the time, and yeah it's safe to say that at the time i was dealing with a lot.
I stole every single pair of scissors I could find in my high school over the course of 2 years. It started as a joke about how my French teacher kept forgetting things so I would say every week "is it okay if I take a pair of scissors because I don't have any?" And she would always respond "okay". I cleaned out the French class then moved onto history, then English then every one of my classes no longer had scissors. That was around fifty pairs. Then they all got new ones before I cleaned those out too. This went on until I had around 200 pairs and my parents couldnt ignore my ever growing pile of scissors when they caught me. My highschool never found out.
Meanwhile many teachers are using their own money to buy school supplies :(
I imagine writing paper is still involved in those classes XD or perhaps printed tests, etc.
Load More Replies...Philosophy degree. Beat that.
English degree? I did go to grad school afterwards though, so I'm at least employable. ;)
Freshman year of high school I went to spanish class and the door wasn't open so I waited outside for the teacher to come back from her lunch break as she was not inside. Took her a while, and while I waited a bunch of my other classmates were waiting too. I was friends with a couple people in that class and I thought it would be funny to jokingly try to open the lock on the door with a bobby pin. So I tried and I stuck the bobby pin in the lock a s**t load of times. Giggles and s**t whatever. Well by the time the teacher showed up a couple minutes later and tried to unlock the door it wouldn’t open. She was like “ huh thats weird it was fine this morning”. Keep in mind this high school was pretty strict and they had cameras everywhere. So I was freaking out internally like omg f**k. The teacher decides to send me of all people to the office to ask for someone to open the door. Worst couple minutes of my life praying that my friends didn’t say s**t lol.
Go Kart racing. We'd d**n near k**l ourselves . . . hell, a few actually did . . .for trophies. It was a lot of fun though, despite the constant contusions, lacerations and occasional fractures.
I won a nice helmet once.
My friends and I a boarding school thought it would be a fun prank to remove the wheels from our principals car and then leave a treasure map with riddles and stuff for every wheel.
Later on in class he called over the speakers: *to those who stole my wheels. You got 15 minutes to return them and put them back on my car, or you're kicked out of the school*
We got the wheels back on and told everyone about it.
A week later nobody even remembered that we were almost kicked out.
Went sliding down rapids with my friends one time. I don’t know how to swim.
It was a few years ago four guys on a road trip in Norther Ontario. We took our canoes and managed to find a set of rapids called “The five finger Rapids” it was basically five different streams ending up in a pool. We decided it would be fun to jump in and end up at the pool because it was something a person told us people do at these rapids on our way up.
Given I did have a life jacket on and one of my friends was a experienced swimmer (he told me he was a level away from a lifeguards certificate). But it was still stupid dangerous now that I look back.
We literally took crashing streams of water into a pool with massive rocks as borders. Could have crashed and broke my skull but oh well was still a good memory. FYI everyone survived.
Moving to the US just before a pandemic...
Putting all of my effort into school, thinking everything else would be served on a silver plate. But then to realize I missed so many years and so much life experience. I'm at the end of my last year of high school now, I feel so miserable.
I wish I had put *more* effort into school. Listen up, kids: school may very well suck for you. I thought so when I was a kid. But work sucks 100,000 times worse.
One time in 5th or 6th grade my friend and I decided to steal the little rubber separators between the metal keys(?) of our school’s xylophones. We took all of them because we could use them as little “army men”. The next day we got called the to the music teacher’s office and got told how much damage we did. I don’t really remember what happened after that but I think we returned our “army men”.
Not long after we got in trouble for bringing our yugioh cards to school in crown royal pouches.
In third grade , I took a hearing test and pretended to not hear the beeps until it was at like 5000 cycles or something bizarre. Because why not?
No implants or anything, just some jerky behavior towards the nurse.
When I was at university the thing was to steal signs, the more higher profile the better for bragging rights. Our peak was removing and stealing the large team logo at the entrance to a major football stadium. We didn't know how serious this was until one of my friends once got caught by police getting a different one and was charged with theft and had to go to court, which was a wake up for everyone. (He was lucky to get off without a permanent record which would would have ruined his future career). Plot twist - another friend who is now a teacher still has the football sign 25 years later.
At least this lot make me feel a little better about some of the things I did when young - well, young*er*.... 😬
For me, the most high-risk low-reward thing I’ve ever done was dating……98% of the men I dated. I had a good high school boyfriend, and an amazing partner now. Other than those two….dating was totally not worth it.
When I was at university the thing was to steal signs, the more higher profile the better for bragging rights. Our peak was removing and stealing the large team logo at the entrance to a major football stadium. We didn't know how serious this was until one of my friends once got caught by police getting a different one and was charged with theft and had to go to court, which was a wake up for everyone. (He was lucky to get off without a permanent record which would would have ruined his future career). Plot twist - another friend who is now a teacher still has the football sign 25 years later.
At least this lot make me feel a little better about some of the things I did when young - well, young*er*.... 😬
For me, the most high-risk low-reward thing I’ve ever done was dating……98% of the men I dated. I had a good high school boyfriend, and an amazing partner now. Other than those two….dating was totally not worth it.
