Hi, let me know!
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It's not a direct question, more of an existential one that I'm not certain has an answer, at least a clear one. My father was gender fluid. They identified as a trans woman until my early 20's and they are now non-binary. It wasn't a secret, and was taught early on about gender identity, but there's one thing I've always wondered was (excluding biological reasons) 'what makes me female?' I feel female, I feel connected to the gender I was born with. It's not biology, who you're attracted to, how you dress or what you like, so what is it? How do come to realize that the gender you are born with isn't who you are? What does it feel like? Like I said, more of an existential question.
~Also, I love this post! I think it's a great idea for people to ask questions and begin to understand and accept.
I am gender fluid, and the way you described feeling connected with your birth gender is probably the closest comparison anyone can make. Your connection to your gender probably feels natural and "right" (as in "this is how it's supposed to be for me"). You don't question it, because it's as normal to you as your skin. But what if it didn't feel natural? To make a somewhat silly comparison, what if you knew you were supposed to have skin, but you had scales? Wouldn't that bother you every time you looked in the mirror? It would be a constant reminder that your body and your sense of self don't mesh. For me, sometimes I feel like I'm supposed to have skin, sometimes I feel like I'm supposed to have scales, and everything inbetween, plus some extras. Now, this is as best as I can describe MY experience, but please know that everyone is different. Another gender fluid person might have a completely different experience, and they might feel this description doesn't work for them.
How do you make your Ask Pandas questions have a pride flag background?
I keep asking people what LGBTQ+ means and I have never received a straight answer.
Okay that's a joke.
My actual question, is there a meaningful distinction between between being bisexual and pansexual?
I identify as pansexual because it works for me but I sometimes use bisexual when people don't understand what pansexuality means. My understanding is bisexual have a preference for the binary male or female. Pansexual has a preference for any across the gender spectrum including nonbinary, agender, gender fluid etc. Personally I feel like there is a lot of overlap. None of this is precise and it's good that it's not rigid. We use these words to gain a better understanding of ourselves and others - not to trap ourselves into boxes to be checkmarked.
If someone calls themselves trans woman, were they born as a man or woman?
What I mean is do you say I'm a trans followed by what you identify yourself as or from what you came from?
Hugs from Sweden
A trans women is a person who identifies as a women but was not a biological female. A trans man is a man who is not a biological male. There are also trans non binary people
If I am not sure of someone's pronouns, is it ok to just try They/them? That's what ill usually do if I don't want to ask (socially awkward)
100%. I honestly don't see the need for gendered pronouns in English anyway, so let's normalize using they/them as a default!
My question is for the trans folks. Did you chose your name because it held a special meaning, or you just really liked the name?
My sincere question: What would LGBTQA+ most like to have people *stop* asking? Because, as a straight woman, nobody ever asked me things they've asked LGBTQA+ cousins (yes, I have more than one, big fam). Examples:
1. When did you know you were (whatever it is)?
2. What makes that attractive to you?
3. What about the danger in the lifestyle?
4. Does this mean you're going to hell?
5. Can you change your mind?
And so forth.
If I have offended, I apologize. Seriously do wish to know what you'd like to *stop* being asked.
(Context here, I am pan) I really wish people would stop asking me if being pansexual means I'm attracted to cooking pans, if that means I would date them (fortunately for them, i have standards so they wont have to worry about this), if this means I would date animals (I would not) if I'm just bi, how I can be pan if there is only 2 genders (untrue in my opinion), etc.
Okay this is something I have been thinking about for a looong time now, so here goes nothing.
If a person raises their kid in a completely gender neutral manner, and later the kid identifies themselves as non binary... so is the kid considered cis ot trans??
My opinion is that if they said they're non binary, they're non binary. Doesn't really matter what they were assigned, especially if they were raised gender neutral
I honestly would like to know, and feel like I need to understand:
What is the reason why young people feel the need to "come out" at such a young age?
Let me explain: my 15 yo daughter has come out as pan, ace, aro, and now demi, all in the span of a year. Why "announce" it to the world until you know definitively how you feel?
I guess I just don't understand the need for 5-20 year olds to put on a label until they've had experience (yes, I understand that sometimes you "just know" - I am not talking about those people. I am talking about those that are still questioning).
Please help me understand
There are a few reasons that people come out when still questioning. 1) to find a community that will help them in their journey of finding who they are. 2) it can feel like you are lying to others while hiding that you are trying to figure it out. 3) having a label can be helpful for some people, even if they switch between terms, because it can make you feel less lost
Agreed. Knowing (sort of) but not knowing who you can talk with to figure it all out for yourself is super stressful. As a teenager, it is harder still because you want to "fit in" with "normal society" but don't and know you never will. When you go it alone, it's hard not to descend into self-denial, self-hatred, etc. which can take you down or take years to undo.
Load More Replies...People like having a community to be a part of, and want to be able to relate their experiences (which may not be part of the 'norm') to others. Your daughter is likely trying to figure out who she is, and 15 is a great time for that. She is trying on labels, and some may fit and some may not. Take it as a complement that she wants to tell you about it! She wants you to understand her even as she's trying to understand herself. Plus, once you realize you are LGBT+ in some way, it becomes easier to break more societal norms and discover parts of yourself that you might not have felt allowed to explore. For example, gay men are more likely to explore their feminine side because they are already seen as "unusual" by society. Does this make sense? If not, feel free to ask me more about it. Source: me, a gender questioning lesbian
I knew I was bisexual at the age of, if I am not mistaken, ten. I don’t want to say my current age, but I will say that I am no longer ten. And I’m still identifying as bi, though I had some other periods in between. I’m glad I came out at a young age because I have been accepted every step of the journey. But for when you come out as different things, that’s perfectly natural and it’s good to tell your loved ones immediately so you dont feel like you’re lying to them.
I wonder if their child announced at 15 that they were straight, would they question it and say why announce it at such a young age.
I am lesbian and nonbinary, and younger than your kid. I came out that I was lesbian at 11 and nonbinary at 13. Both times I was in the closet for quite a while, and when I came out I was completely sure of myself. At first I came out as using she/they pronouns, then they/she, and now I use they/them. Even if my identity has has changed, I still wanted to be out. Partially so I wouldn't be misgendered, but also because that was who I felt like at the time. Even if your identity changes as you grow, for that amount of time you are still valid.
So by that logic, how do you know you're straight until you've had experience? Thing is, kids are curious, and the existence of the internet means access to various media (I don't just mean pornography, but LGBTQIA+ media and shows, like the teen show/graphic novel Heartstopper, which explores how a character comes to terms with being bisexual - it's a very popular show atm) If you're questioning, than you generally may think you're not entirely straight anyway. I think 15 years old is mature enough to be questioning and experimenting with sexuality, or even to already know. At that age, people are having their first relationships etc, after all - if your daughter is aro/ace, its possible she's seen others in relationships and decided she simply doesn't want that. (since ofc aro/aromantic means no interest in romance and ace/asexual means you don't want sexual aspects of a relationship either) It's hard to understand, but don't underestimate what your daughter is experiencing <3
sort of repeating what other people said, but--sometimes it's nice to say it out loud, and have other people help you figure it out.
At 15 you probably don't fully understand what is going on but you know your likes and dislikes. You also probably have a lot of mixed information about what all the different terms mean. I was bi my whole life until I heard about pansexual. It better describes who I am.
Why shouldn't they? Why does it have to be a big deal? I'm genuinely not sure why you're putting so much weight on this...why does it matter?
If op has always been what they feel, it's all too easy to ascribe their child's experiences to hormones and 'finding' oneself.
Load More Replies...Sexuality is a spectrum and many younger people will question their sexuality and identity as they grow and become exposed to new experiences. Discovering your sexuality can be a true journey and can be emotionally challenging and harrowing for children and teens. Children and teens want to be loved, accepted, and part of a community— they want to fit in. Having a label can help them feel validated and part of a community. However, this label may change many times as a child or teen explores their sexuality. Please don’t ever deny a child or teen’s search for sexuality as it can be extremely damaging. Let them explore. Talk to them about it and let them share their experience. Perhaps even LGBTQIA + support club for kids and teens could be a great way for them to explore their identity in a safe space.
Imagine you just got another pet/kid. You want to try out different names for them so you can see what seems right. If you pick out a name that you think works, but after using it or discussing it with someone, you decide you don't like it anymore. Same ideas. (Also your daughter might want to try aroaceflux).
Sometimes people are confused, or don't know what they really are before a while. Feelings can change quickly.
Regarding the "not knowing who they are", this is related. The reason it takes us a while to start figuring it out is because we aren't taught that there are other options. It's becoming more common now, but when I was growing up, it took until I was 13 to see the word "Gay" in a publication (Ellen's coming out story) and I was I think about 17 when I saw my first gay character on a TV show aimed at my age group (Willow on Buffy).
Load More Replies...It's around puberty that the biggest feelings of self expression develop. They tell you "so young" because that's when they start thinking about their sexuality. They still spend a few years figuring out everything, and during this time they want to pass on this to someone they trust to make themselves feel more accepted and normal. Labels help people feel comfortable in themselves and allow them to accept that everything they're learning about themselves isn't something wrong with them. I personally went through thinking I was wrong for the abstract concepts I use to visualise my gender. Then I came across the label "xenogender" and it clicked. Don't get so caught up in a cycle of "why are you telling me this so early if you're not sure". Be flattered. They trust you, a lot.
Sometimes you don't know exactly what a book is about, so you put it in "Drama" just because of the title. Reading the first two pages you discover: there's a dragon - so you put it in "Fantasy". Next time you read, you find out it's a mechanical dragon on a space station. Oh! It's Science fiction! ... or is it? Finding yourself is a process. It's okay to misunderstand yourself during that time. We all make mistakes and try things that seem okay for us but aren't when we get to understand them better (just imagine finding the right job/hobby). Your child may be young and stumbling while trying to figure theselves out but I can assure you: You are doing the best by allowing that. Be there for them, learn together.
U discover new feelings and realise “oh wait. I’m not that I’m that.” Just over and over again rly. Pretty much in the end u just want to say “stuff the labels I’m queer in some way. If I like u, I like u in the way I like u”. (some ppl don’t use queer tho and I respect that) Hope this helped. Have a nice day and wish u and ur daughter many great times together 😊
It's the "until they've had experience" for me. You would NEVER say that to a straight or cis kid, which means that you are still treating LGBTQ lives as inherently incorrect. Your understanding of why people need to come out does not necessitate an explanation. It requires you to go educate yourself, and maybe take a look at your prejudices (such as why you require us to explain our lives to you, when straight cis people don't owe you an explanation). NOBODY owes you an explanation or justification for their lives. Nobody.
Just as a thought experiment....I'm going to ask you - didn't you want others to know about things that were important to you at that age? Would you have liked it if someone misgendered you? There's also a big different between 5 year olds and 20 year olds and what their motives might be.
one huge reason is that many people can't be sure about a label until they test it out in real life, also this is not something you need to understand, it is just something you need to support
You asked this on a post I made, and I hope you saw my reply. But I don't recall if I pointed out that you can be different things at the same time; pan, ace and aro/demi are not mutually exclusive. (Aro and demi are mutually exclusive with each other though.) However at 15 you are unlikely to know if you are aro, since it means not feeling romantic attraction. A lot of people haven't felt that yet at only 15. But the middle teens is a time when people start to discover their identity and when expressing it is the most important, which is why you often see the most extreme styles of clothing and hair etc. in people that age. Sexual orientation is part of that.
You are asking too much for heterosexuals to understand. It's like learning another language. I chose French for 3 years...
Load More Replies...first of all, labels can be temporary and there’s nothing wrong with changing your label bc it doesn’t feel quite right anymore. if you think you’re bi but then realize you’re not, that time of questioning is still valid. as you get older, you realize more about yourself. i came out to my parents when i was still questioning and even though i probably wouldn’t do the same thing today, just bc i’m a different person now than i was then, i don’t regret it. they were a great support system as i figured out who i was.
If she came out to you that many times, you should be thanking her for trusting you with that information. This is her journey, and she announced it because she trusts you to help her figure everything out. Most LGBTQ+ people shut their parents out for a long time. Bonus points because she's a teenager 😂
theyre xenogenders! theyre micro labels (labels that fall under larger labels that some people also use, like a town in a state or country) that some genderqueer people use to better express how they relate to gender. Theyre connected to neopronouns (alternate pronouns to he/she/they) and pretty cool IMO. (edit: I'm pretty sure dreamgender is a joke but there are others that are really cool in how they describe the users gender identity)
Figuring out your label is a long process for a lot of people. Its a lot of trying out labels and either figuring out it doesn't fit or finding one that fits better. And when you do find that new label, its exciting to find something that feels closer to you, so you want to share it with the people you care about.
Because it's a really big part of us, and we can get it wrong and later realize we are a different sexuality or gender, and for some it's never solid. It's your child's way if wanting to keep you in the loop, and it means they are comfortable enough with you to come out over and over again. Putting a label on it isn't really for us, but for you and society to help define and explain us. We also don't like hiding it a lot of the time because it feels like we are lying. At the end of the day everyone just wants to fit in, and defining yourself is a way to find people like you and to fit in.
Cishet people don't understand the struggles of people hating you just for existing, saying you are invalid, saying you are pretending. The lgbtq community has to experience hateful comments, people staring, being unaccepted by many, and sometimes even fearing their lives just for being. Coming out can be scary, traumatizing, and dangerous. The amount of hate in towards the queer community is horrible . Why would anyone want to go through this, IT IS NOT A CHOICE, it is not "cool" or trendy
Load More Replies...As the father of a gay daughter I have learned not to ask questions incase I get yelled at for not using the most current terms/definitions.
You can ask those questions here. Let us help you if you want some clarity. I'm sorry you get yelled at for genuine curiosity.
Firstly, I want to say that I am genuinely curious about this and I mean no hate towards anyone in the LGBTQ+ community. I'm really confused about gender, some websites say it's a social construct, others say it's a spectrum, others say it's how a person feels about themselves. I've been wondering about this for a while, since I don't really understand any of these answers. So if a boy likes typically feminine things - like dresses / the color pink - does that make that person a transgender girl? Also, I don't really understand how someone knows they're transgender. I'm NOT saying they're not transgender, I'm just asking how one would know. Is it a preference for certain things? One website said it was Gender Dysphoria - not being able to be comfortable in your own body and wanting to have a body of the opposite sex - but does that mean you don't like the features of a body with certain features - e.g. certain genitals, breasts, etc, or does it mean liking stuff typically associated with the opposite gender? Once again, I don't mean to offend anyone, but none of this is making any sense to me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you are confused about the difference between what gender someone identifies as and how people express themself. Gender identity is what gender you feel like you have, cis or trans. Gender expression is how you dress, act, or express yourself. A person's gender identity and expression don't always match. As for being trangender, it is a different journey for everyone, some people feel like they have always known, others take a while to figure it out. Not all trans people experience gender dysphoria, but many do. There are a few types of it, I think the main ones are not feel like you fit in your biological sex, and feeling uncomfortable with what gender society labels you based on your biological gender and/or appearance. Sorry for the long answer, hope it helps
I've been wondering for a long time and don't want to offend anybody, but I don't understand what cis means. Could somebody please explain?
Thank you! :)
HELLO QUEER FOLKS I'm posting this here cause I do need help with it
How do I get my mom, who let my buy a trans flag, to let me socially transition when we move. As in, I'd start there as Valentino, versus changing midway? Any suggestions? :'D
i mean it really depends on what your mom is like. she seems like even if she isn't a full ally yet, she's open to it. if i were you, i'd start by telling people you trust (which may or may not include her) how you'd like to be referred to. then slowly branch outwards until you're presenting as yourself. i hope this helps, and sorry if it doesn't
I have one, as I am straight… when/how do you know that you are LGBTQIAA+?
Some people feel like they have always known, and others have more of a journey to find who they are.
well, whats the difference between being bisexual and pansexual?
also what does non binary mean?
and whats the difference between being bi, beig pan, and being nonbinary?
Being bi means you are attracted to two or more genders, and being pan means that you are attracted to all genders with no preference. Nonbinary is a term for anyone who's gender isn't strictly male or female. It can be a label by itself, but there's a lot of subcategories like genderfluid, bigender, agender, etc. So nonbinary isn't a sexuality, and both pan and bi people can be attracted to nonbinary people but not all bi people are.
I’m sorry and this is not how I feel I just want to know are u transphobic if you don’t want to date a trans person? I’m sorry if I offended anyone, not meant to be rude just curious.
I personally identify as AroAce but I don't know if I really am, and it feels like I am a false member of the LGBTQ+ community. Sometimes I feel like I am just identifying myself as AroAce just to be a member of the community.
I remember having an 'imposter' phase when I identified as ace, especially since then I thought I was still hetroromantic. In the end, only you can say your identity. Maybe ask yourself some questions, or research on aroace. If you find you are aroace, know that you are 100% valid. Hope that helped!
How can I support you better as a community member?
Honestly, teach yourself anything and everything you can, and don't put the burden on LGBTQ people to explain to you what you're doing wrong and how you can do it right. We don't all want to be teachers and advocates and political statements, we just want to exist. So listen to the people who are comfortable with talking, but don't put any pressure on those of us who just want to live our lives.
I have a question.
Why are A sexual persons not included within the community? They are generally treated as though they have the plague. Or brushed off.
Hello Lucky, asexual person here. I agree that it's harmful and sad to not be accepted. Unfortunately, asexuality is often considered a mental illness (when it isn't) that can be treated with medications and the truly horrendous conversion therapy (praying away the gay/ or being forced into sexual encounters). The Trevor Institute says that asexuals have some of the highest percentages of being offered conversion therapy as a way to fix them. There's very little asexual representation in the media and yet have a feeling there's a lot more of us, but so many people are terrified to ever come out to family and friends (I'm 30 and still closeted) for fear of ridicule and not being accepted. Sadly, many LGBT support groups don’t even include asexual teens, youth, and adults in their conversations. All members of the LGBTQIA+ community should be loved and included! Fortunately, wonderful activists like Yasmin Bennoit are working with the LGBTQ+ community to bring more awareness about asexuality. Remember you are loved and valid! If anyone says you are not they are not worth your time.
I am part of the community, but I have a question about animal gender identities. I don't really understand how that works and I have seen people that label themselves as things like "pup-gender" and I really don't understand how a gender can be an animal or also people that can themselves "dream-gender" (referring to the YouTuber) if that is a person/character. If anyone identifies as an animal gender can you please explain what that means?
Xenogenders. They’re controversial because some LGBTQ people believe it invalidates the struggles that LGBTQ people have gone through, like being called the right name and pronouns if they’re not cis. Xenos were coined as a way for neurodivergent people to express their gender identity. Dreamgender started off as a joke but it ended up getting into the wrong hands. I do not think xenos are valid and many people online will come for you if you believe that xenogenders are invalid.
Where can people go to find out about Gay Pride Parades in their area? Is there a national group that keeps track of them all? I'd love to attend one and show my support. They also look like a blast!
I'm not really too sure, but I would assume if you go to your cities website they would have a date for the pride parade, if they do have one. I know where I'm moving they recently had their first pride parade (I'm really excited for next year! ) And it was on the website, but I will look into that! You have spiked curiosity in me now.
Hello! I’m Asexual and I’ve been asking this question a lot. Is Asexual part of the LGBTQ+ community? (Asexual means you don’t like males or females) correct?
yes - actually, a lot of people now say LGBTQIA+ instead of just LGBTQ, which includes intersex and asexual people
Why do so many people in this community despise religion so much, and badmouth every religious person out there? You're discriminating and generalizing just like people did to you. Why is it okay when you do it? Why can't you share your views on religion without being respectful? A sincere question from a queer Muslim. This question came about because of the fact I'm constantly attacked by the LGBTQIA+ community and other Muslims. Being a minority within a minority is hell, and rarely anyone will stand with you. Why is it, because I'm Muslim, that you feel the need to criminalize me, and make me feel like sh*t? (This is for the people that do it)
Honestly some people just don't think I'm sorry for how those people act ❤️
how does it feel being so wildly homosexual? (not a genuine question)
Is there a place where I can find genderfluid memes that are not saying that it's wrong and not real?
Tumblr. I have a friend who's genderfluid on there. TikTok also has some (for example: it's so hot outside all my genderfluid friends boutta become gender vapor)
For trans folks, especially those with many years experiencing presenting as their true gender:
How do you look at your pre-transition self? Were they always your current gender but perhaps unknowing, struggling, misplaced...or do you think of them having previously been that gender?
For your friends who knew you before and after, do they see you as transitioning from one gender to another, or do they see you as always being your true gender, but hidden until the transition?
I see my past self as still being non- binary but being unaware of it. I don't really see my past self as a true reflection of myself because I was not truly myself. I struggled with my identity before I even knew that being nonbinary was a thing
I am so confused on people's relation and identity with gender. Someone has asked something similar already, but not exactly the way I question it.
Basically, I have no real ties to gender at all. It is not something I think about really ever, I use cis pronouns just for convenience sake but I don't care either way. To me, gender isn't really a thing because what is socially considered masculine or feminine are very stereotypical and one can be like to do certain things without identifying with that gender (ofc I respect however people identify). However, for people who are cis or trans, how do you know how you identify? I agree with how people nowadays are starting to break those norms (e.g., letting a boy play with dolls) and such, but then where does one's connection to their gender tie in? What makes one identity feel right? And since gender identity is different from gender expression, then is it just their body or how one fits in society? Because ideally as society (hopefully) moves toward gender equality, shouldn't that become more similar as well?
Also, how are people so sure of their sexuality? How do I know I am attracted to someone and not because society has ingrained certain looks of people to be attractive? Am I ace or bi (am I just recognizing they are attractive, or am I actually sexually attracted to them)? Or maybe I'm gay and I have been ingrained to think the opposite gender is attractive when I'm wouldn't actually be attracted to them?
Finally, what is the difference between a platonic and romantic relationship? I have never dated before, so maybe once I have it would be different, but what is the distinction between the two? I recognize there would be a general care and love for that person, but I care about and love all my friends, so what else would there be?
I know you aren't looking for terms to identify with but before I answer your questions, your relationship with gender seems to match the terms cisgenderless and cassgender if you would like to check them out! An example I've heard of how gender works is that when you are born you are pretty much assigned a identity, like what if you were told to live your whole life with scales insteas of skin. The scales would feel weird wouldn't they? Gender is like that you are forced to have scales when you are more comfortable with having skin instead. And sometimes it isn't scales, it could be fur or it could be a mix of scales and skin. No matter what though, one fits better than the others. For the second set of questions, thinking someone looks attractive doesn't always equate to being attractes to them. But that's really all I can explain as an ace person. The difference between platonic and romantic is complicated though. So you should probably do your own research instead as I am aro.
Hey! I just have a question.
I always got harassed for being an asexual at any LGBT rallies that my school had. Do people even consider asexuality as a part of the LGBT community anymore?
A lighthearted question for you all! Favorite flag and least favorite flag?
Any of my fellow gays, what's your favorite way to tell people that you are, in fact, gay? I'll start. I love to tell people that I'm illegal in over 60 countries.
people homeschool kids to avoid exposing them to the community. does it make them bad parents?
It’s definitely a question but it needs some context. I don’t mean in any way for this to sound bad as I support LGBTQ+ 100% but this is becoming a recurring problem with a friend and I’ve had to drop her because of it and multiple other reasons. Is it common to take problem society puts on you and put it back on the people around you? My ex-bestfriend came out as Bisexual last year and started dating a gender fluid person. As this school year went on she became completely lesbian. She started talking a lot about how Queer people are extremely repressed and that it’s rude to do that to anyone as everyone deserves a voice. She also said that it hurts when people say Ew when you say someone is hot which our friend group has never done. Fast forward about three months and she starts repressing and saying Ew in that exact manner to us, who are all straight. We tried talking to her about it but instead twisted our words and made us sound like we were making her a bad person when all we wanted to do was ask why she was doing it. She also dumped her insecurities on us which was no big deal cause we all did it. However, it started becoming a lot about her parents. Her parents accepted her 100% but did not like who she was dating. Her parents are also very Christian so there’s a lot of things she’s not allowed to watch or read and all that stuff yet. So she starts saying all this s**t about her parents and how their “oppressing” her and “trying too hard” and “keeping her safe”. The issue was that our entire friend group but her do not have a stable home environment like that. I have divorced parents and my dad is an absolute b***h who only cares about money and thinks that the child support he pays makes me want to see him after the giant fights we’ve had the past two years. One other friend’s parents are divorced and her situation is a lot like mine. The other two’s parents are still together b ur fight constantly. I’ve seen it and it gets bad. They’d do better divorced. But the friend in question has perfect parents who just care about her which none of us have. I guess my question is, Is it normal to take experiences you’ve heard about and put them on other and completely disregard other peoples problems for yours? I guess I’m wondering if this is just part of transitioning and if it will go away as she also just came out as gender fluid.
I don't agree with any of these answers, so here's my two cents. EVERYONE LGBTQ+ or not should practice what they preach. Whatever your friend is going through is NOT an excuse to treat others that way. They're toxic. Their gender or sexuality has nothing to do with that. This is a question for the wrong people. It's absolutely not human nature to disregard everyone's emotions. In fact it's the opposite. Instinct tells us we should stick together, as there is strength in numbers. Only in life or death situations does instinct tell us to value ourselves over others. If they're setting boundaries that they won't follow, that's a problem with them. Not their gender or sexuality, or anyone else for that matter. My suggestion is having all your friends as well as you sit them down with a speech prepared about what they do and how you feel. If they disregard you after that, drop them completely. They're not a friend, they just want to feel oppressed.
It's not meant to sound or be offensive but if LGBTQ is supposed to be normal then why the flag?
It's a symbol of all our pain and hardships we have faced in the past and still do. When we raise it it's our way of saying that we won't be broken down or be silent about our mistreatment. Different people go through different types of pain but it's within the same community. The classic rainbow flag represents all of us, and there is a flag for gay men, lesbians, and transgender individuals. As well as bisexual, asexual, and nonbinary. There's more specific flags for more specific identities though. We are normal, but we've also experienced non-normal predjudice, hence why we have the flags. Thank you for your question.
Unrelated but SO delighted to see people being SO clear that their questions are NOT coming from a place of judgement or I’ll will…. Just a place of genuine curiosity
Bravo straight ally’s!
What does it mean when someone uses multiple pronouns? (Like she/they, he/they) Which one do I use?
Also, does the order make a difference? (Like if it's they/she, they/he)
Where would be a good place to learn more about all the different meanings? Currently I'm stuck just doing Google searches because unfortunately a good portion of the LGBTQA+ community where I live tend to just shut down questions as people trying to 'fake it' or people being rude and ignorant on purpose. It's taken me years to figure out what I am because I haven't been able to actually ask people that seem to know more to help me figure it out.
The LGBTQ Fandom Wiki should help! I have a friend who uses it sometimes!
(Sorry me by the English mistakes I'll probably commit)
Well, I was about to do sum questions, but I'll write a bit for context.
So, er, since I was a kid, my father created me as the most homophobic and transphobic person in my social circle, and was very agressive with me. He almost beat me for being friend of a bisexual person. I don't have any contact with him anymore, and he also gave me a disgust for male.
Then, some time ago, I was talking again with my childhood friend, and we started dating. It was the very first date for each of us. (Just an observation, they said they have fell in love with me years ago)
Their older brother was transitioning and I totally supported him. He hated me, but, whatever, that's not the point. In the beginning of the year, Angel, their current name, found their selves non-binary. I was quite surprised by the suddenness, but, I handled it normally and help they in what I could. They explained that they felt it since younger.
At this point, I couldn't no longer say I was straight, since I loved they regardless of their gender. We break up a few weeks ago, and I still cry listening to songs that remind me of they... Whatever, continuing:
Their brother started to talk with his mother about he being trans, and Angel is still in the closet. I had my "gay moments" (yea, sound very homophobic, sorry if I already offended half of the site's users) in life, but not stopped to think about my sexuality or gender. For now I'm calling myself gender fluid, bc I don't really think I am trans, but I don't feel cis, and, non binary doesn't sound with me... Again, this text is looking like "I want to be different ;w;" I'm talking serious.
Well, I dunno if it was my father, my last lover or my doubts, but I'm really unsure about my gender for now. I'm wondering if I talk about this with my psychiatrist, or wait 10 years, or try to forget this... er, that's not a question, sorry :³
Normal questions: Can someone be pan romantic and homo sexual or something like this? I didn't get the difference between romanticism and sexuality well -w-
Someone raised to be "straight" will probably always be overwhelmed by discovering the community (and themselves being in it). Don't panic, it is normal. It is a process to find out what you identify as/with. While you are at it, just enjoy life and allow yourself to be surprised by what you find. // As for your previous relationship: I imagine it being very confusing having to discover yourself and reacting to changes in your partner while you are unsure yourself about what you are. You really hit a "jackpot" there, friend. :-(
What's the + for in LGBTQ+?
L-Lesbian G-gay B-Bi T-Trans Q-Queer +- more Basically the + means there are more than those
(this isn't hate)
Why is gay a synonym for happy is so many lgbtq+ people are depressed
-a lesbian with bpd
I’m not trying to offend anyone with this- sorry if I do, but if you are non-binary how would you identify as straight/gay/lesbian/etc? If straight means the opposite gender but you’re nonbinary, what is the opposite gender? If lesbian means the same gender, but lesbian is usually referring to girlxgirl relationships, how does that work?
Again, not trying to offend anyone, just genuinely curious.
Also this one might offend people more, but why isn’t straight considered part of LGBTQ+? It’s a sexuality too.
P.S. What are super straights? I saw something about that once but didn’t understand it.
lesbian actually doesn't mean the same gender. it means 'a non-man attracted to non-men'. so it doesn't always refer to girlxgirl relationships, though people do tend to use it in that way.
What is the best way to ask someone you are meeting for the first time what pronouns they prefer you use with them and at what point in the initial conversation is it best to ask?
I'd say usually around the same time as you ask their name. just like "Hello. I'm ____ and my pronouns are ____, what's your name?" I guess maybe then they'd also feel obligated to say their pronouns, or just ask straight up.
I was always taught that it was polite to refer to someone you couldn't tell the gender of or wanted to keep their identity secret as they. (For example, when talking to dog owners I would say "they're so cute", and when talking about a friend in a sensitive situation I would say something like "yeah, they're really upset.") Today, is this offensive or confusing to people who use they/them pronouns? Thanks :)
in my experience, it's not offensive or confusing to nonbinary people. sort of like how most cis people dont mind if you assume someone else's pronouns using the ones they use.
I've wondered for the longest time how it works for a gay man in a marriage/relationship with a woman, eg hiding the fact he is gay, that they have children together, biological children I mean. If he is attracted to only men how does it work to have se* with a woman? Do they think of men to get it up or? Incredibly confusing and probably nothing to think about but it's just something I've read about the past where gay men are in a marriage with a woman because it was illegal for them to be gay and they have children together.
They ignore how they feel in order to survive. Not got experience with any of this so I can't comment much outside that basic overview
Why is "lesbian" such a difficult word to say? I'm a lesbian, I know that, but more often than not I just tell people that I'm gay, or that I like girls. The word "lesbian", while I have nothing wrong with it as it validly describes my identity, seems so bold and different, maybe because it's a noun instead of an adjective, and it says exactly who you are, not a describing word? I'm not sure. Is this just a me thing or does the word "lesbian" just work like that?
Whatever you're comfortable using I imagine is the right way to go. I've also struggled with different labels and being able to use them although I personally identified with them. And frankly, I get it. It's so incredibly hard for me to say lesbian or gay around people because I'm afraid of how they would react. Same with transgender but I've found it's easier to say trans.
Who's the idiot that came up with that conversion c**p like you can just lay the gay away?
In customer service, I address people as "Sir" and "Ma'am." What's the equivalent for someone non-binary or whose gender I'm unsure of?
A gender neutral term for Mr/sir and Mrs/ma'am would be mx (said like mix). While that is a gender neutral option I am not sure if there is more that that one. Plus, you could just subtract out the 'mr/Mrs/sir/maam' phrase in whatever sentence you are saying. Especially because while some people may present fem (feminine) they could use he/him or they/them same way with those who may present masc (masculine) and everyone else. Hope this helps! :)
she/they or he/they (or anything of the sort) what’s the best way for us to address you guys? I’m never sure what the preferred pronoun would be- should we use both interchangeably? Still trying to understand-
What do intersex and queer mean? (I hope this isn't offensive.)
Being intersex is a biological matter, it means that you do not have clear or strictly male or female reproductive organs. Queer is just a word for being in the LGBT+ community and that people with a lot of different orientations use as an umbrella term.
I’m kind of lost about the fact if I’m not bi. I’m 13 so I’m learning a lot about myself and this is just stuck in my head. So my question to all the LGBTQIA+ community is: How did you know you are LGBTQIA+?
Maybe it's just me being young and inexperienced but wouldn't the majority of people be considered demiromantic/demisexual (only feels romantic/sexual attraction after a strong emotional connection)? I know there are people who supposedly fall in love at first sight and there are plenty of one night stands but other than that I was surprised there were Pride flags for them. I've been curious about this for a while but haven't found a comprehensive answer yet.
no, the majority of people wouldnt be considered demi. Theres a difference between not experiencing sexual/romantic attraction until your emotionally close, and not acting on sexual/romantic attraction until your emotionally close. One doesn't have the feelings, the other just holds onto them. hope this helps!
I have kind of a basic question and I mean ZERO offense to anyone: can someone please break down all of the genders/sexualities? I don't understand any of them except gay, and bisexual.
Where do asexuals fit in with the 2SLGBTQ+ community? Frequently they are not considered in the conversations.
An extended version of the acronym is LGBTQIA+. This is lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer, intersex, asexual. It is sadly very true that they are not represented very well in the LGBTQIA+ community.
I like how most of these people were so nice about it and didn't want to be rude or homophobic. Thank you for the consideration!
Most people who are just asking questions, or are curious, generally get a pass for me. They're trying to learn, and this is all new for a lot of people! The fact that they're asking means they want to be better allies, which is always a win
Load More Replies...@that_curly_girl - this is a GREAT idea for a thread! I love that people can ask the community questions and get answers they want/need. Thank you!
When people who are nonbinary and are attracted to one or select genders, do they label themselves as what the relationship would be had they identified as the same gender they were assigned at birth? Or does it depend on the person? Do they just not give themselves sexual labels? Just curious!
I might be considered very out of touch or ignorant but I am just really wanting to understand. Why is it so wrong to reference to their past, especially when they were famous then, like actors or singers? I am from Belgium and we had a band called Triple X (* ficticious name) that was awesome. I will call them G and X. X moved to the U.S. and was mentioned on a tv quiz in our Country by his former name. The outrage that was sent to the producers of that show was at times frightening. Eventhough X reacted he was not really that upset about it, the remarks kept coming...I but it seems to me you could differenciate between not meaning any harm and maliciousness or demeaning intent. I get called Sir on the phone although I'm female, low voice due to cancer. I just correct the other person, I don't go ranting about it. Do I like it, not really but they didn't mean disrespect...
I guess after reading this I am most blown away by all of the "Labels" that are used. I really was getting very easily confused. So maybe that is why young adults who feel they are something than what they were born as are so stressed out? Soooo many different labels!!! I wish there was just a single name to put to all of this. And then if the wrong label is used (for not knowing any better) some of us get in trouble for saying the wrong thing. It's hard on us too not just the LGBTQ+++ people. A lot of us are trying to support and love all the humans that want to do their own thing, but it is very confusing for us too.
Things are simpler than they appear. You can get the hang of it since the acronym is just the well known LGBTQIA+, or my personal preference is instead of trying to memorize it all, I'd just use the umbrella terms. Queer is an umbrella term for any and all sexualities in the community, it's much less specific but it lets people know you're not straight or perhaps don't identify with your birth sex. There is also transgender which is an umbrella term for all gender identities. That's really it. The two umbrella terms. ☂️☂️ You don't really need to know anything else. If anyone uses any other label just ask them what their label means. That being said, the effort you're putting into learning and understanding is very appreciated.
Load More Replies...In my mind, I think the word "queer" is losing its negative connotations, partly due to the fact that people in the LGBTQ community are reclaiming the word. If I would still ask, though, if it's okay, because some view it like the n-word - you can say it if you're part of the community, but it's NOT okay if you're not. The f-slur, however, is 100% not okay to use unless you're using it to refer to yourself in a positive way. Nobody else gets to use that word.
Load More Replies...Hey Luca, if you make a homophobic comment like this please note that you will be reported to the moderation team.
Load More Replies...I like how most of these people were so nice about it and didn't want to be rude or homophobic. Thank you for the consideration!
Most people who are just asking questions, or are curious, generally get a pass for me. They're trying to learn, and this is all new for a lot of people! The fact that they're asking means they want to be better allies, which is always a win
Load More Replies...@that_curly_girl - this is a GREAT idea for a thread! I love that people can ask the community questions and get answers they want/need. Thank you!
When people who are nonbinary and are attracted to one or select genders, do they label themselves as what the relationship would be had they identified as the same gender they were assigned at birth? Or does it depend on the person? Do they just not give themselves sexual labels? Just curious!
I might be considered very out of touch or ignorant but I am just really wanting to understand. Why is it so wrong to reference to their past, especially when they were famous then, like actors or singers? I am from Belgium and we had a band called Triple X (* ficticious name) that was awesome. I will call them G and X. X moved to the U.S. and was mentioned on a tv quiz in our Country by his former name. The outrage that was sent to the producers of that show was at times frightening. Eventhough X reacted he was not really that upset about it, the remarks kept coming...I but it seems to me you could differenciate between not meaning any harm and maliciousness or demeaning intent. I get called Sir on the phone although I'm female, low voice due to cancer. I just correct the other person, I don't go ranting about it. Do I like it, not really but they didn't mean disrespect...
I guess after reading this I am most blown away by all of the "Labels" that are used. I really was getting very easily confused. So maybe that is why young adults who feel they are something than what they were born as are so stressed out? Soooo many different labels!!! I wish there was just a single name to put to all of this. And then if the wrong label is used (for not knowing any better) some of us get in trouble for saying the wrong thing. It's hard on us too not just the LGBTQ+++ people. A lot of us are trying to support and love all the humans that want to do their own thing, but it is very confusing for us too.
Things are simpler than they appear. You can get the hang of it since the acronym is just the well known LGBTQIA+, or my personal preference is instead of trying to memorize it all, I'd just use the umbrella terms. Queer is an umbrella term for any and all sexualities in the community, it's much less specific but it lets people know you're not straight or perhaps don't identify with your birth sex. There is also transgender which is an umbrella term for all gender identities. That's really it. The two umbrella terms. ☂️☂️ You don't really need to know anything else. If anyone uses any other label just ask them what their label means. That being said, the effort you're putting into learning and understanding is very appreciated.
Load More Replies...In my mind, I think the word "queer" is losing its negative connotations, partly due to the fact that people in the LGBTQ community are reclaiming the word. If I would still ask, though, if it's okay, because some view it like the n-word - you can say it if you're part of the community, but it's NOT okay if you're not. The f-slur, however, is 100% not okay to use unless you're using it to refer to yourself in a positive way. Nobody else gets to use that word.
Load More Replies...Hey Luca, if you make a homophobic comment like this please note that you will be reported to the moderation team.
Load More Replies...