Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
252submissions
Finished
Hey Pandas, Tell Me You’re A Parent Without Telling Me You’re A Parent
Parenting is hard, you deserve to vent.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I can open a bag of chips, cookies or candy silently.
Final score:
119points
Moose Gomer 3 years ago
I HAVE listened to the ENTIRE 6 hrs of pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows youtube video
Dagmar's dilemma (Submission author) 3 years ago
Imma cat, it's raining tacos and pink fluffy unicorns
Load More Replies...
heyitsfionabtw 3 years ago
Finally, someone who shares this problem with me!
Load More Replies...
Joyce Monty 3 years ago
Grocery list top 5: cookies, Capri-Suns, peanut butter, milk, and white bread.
RELATED:
#2
I have uttered the words "Don't lick the cat."
Final score:
118points
RandomFrog(He/They️️) 3 years ago
*My Mom thinking abt the time she has to tell my sister not to eat my pants*. (While I was wearing them btw. She was nine)
Kim Kermes 3 years ago
I know someone whose child said "you never told me not to cover the cat with hair conditioner.
RandomPanda648 3 years ago
I can't help but wonder 🤔 what the cats view and understanding the licking was.
Andi Simons 3 years ago
OMG I just laughed out loud! Not sure if I ever tried, but between me and my sister I'm sure my mom said this at least once!
Звезделина Божилова 3 years ago
"Why are you holding cat s**t???! Don't even think about eating that!!" -my mom when I tried to eat cat s**t at the age of 2 thinking it was corn puffs😭😭
#3
I fear silence when they are not visible
Final score:
113points
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
Before parenthood silence is golden, after silence suddenly becomes ominous.
Renee Smith 3 years ago
I still get uncomfortable when it's too quiet. My youngest is almost 30!
devilicious 3 years ago
Omg not me and my fiancee saying this every day with our little toddler!
#4
I once accidentally wrote on my grocery list "Sesame Street" instead of "sesame seeds".
Final score:
105points
Marci Keesler 3 years ago
It was at least twelve years between two cups of hot coffee, and hot meals
#5
Over half of the items in my purse belong to other people
Final score:
105points
Anna Schrame 3 years ago
At a red light,singing along to barbie the Dino. Im alone in the car. Cringe.
#6
I can make up good night stories, varying the length according to the tiredness of the listener.
Final score:
101points
Erin Marsee 3 years ago
I make mine up according to the tiredness of the TELLER...lol the listener would be up all night.
#7
I haven't peed in peace for 3 years
Final score:
100points
Ashley Deane 3 years ago
Same but dogs too. As my aunt always said, sigh kids cats and dogs sigh
Load More Replies...
#8
There are socks all over my house. Behind the piano? Socks! Under the couch? Socks! In dresser drawers? ...No socks.
Final score:
98points
RandomPanda648 3 years ago
Socks have their own dimensions they run away to. We are viewed as giant overlords to them and they run off to socktopia every chance one gets. One is there now waiting for an impossible event, he waits for his match to come through the worm hole. No elder socks can tell him the news about finding matches after they are separated.
TKA 3 years ago
When our kids were younger, our 2 neighbors had a pile of our kids socks they found by their front door for the next time we stopped over. (One neighbor was my parents and one was my sis & her family) they usually always left the house with 2 socks on but never came home with two 😂
RandomFrog(He/They️️) 3 years ago
Sorry you mis-spelled no socks. There’s never any socks. Anywhere.
#9
I just stepped on a Lego
Final score:
96points
Christina Odermatt 3 years ago
It’s not only legos my friend…. It’s EVERY. SINGLE. TOY!! The bottom of my foot is bruised from stepping on a hot wheels. Ouch!
#10
My wife and I boast very impressive collections of rocks, sticks, feathers, shells, pine cones and uniquely stained articles of clothing.
Final score:
91points
#11
I recently had a dinner at an exclusive interactive restaurant. It consisted of me drinking bath water out off chip the cup from Beauty and the Beast and my fellow diners were Belle, the Beast, Elsa, Ariel and a troll doll from the 90's. I was charged (verbatim) 1 thousand and 5 million pounds and they kept my card as well because I only pretended to drink the bath water.... I will not be going again... until tomorrow night. Hopefully if I break and drink the bath water with bubbles I may get my card back 😏🤭🤗
Final score:
88points
#12
I can define the following terms: Bussin', Sus, Sheesh, My Dude, and Living Rent free . . . how ever I am not allowed to use them in a sentence, nor do I have any desire too.
Final score:
87points
Pharrah Jacobs 3 years ago
So true. I've tried talking in their native language, only to be warned not to again.
Ashley Deane 3 years ago
Omg lmao... I CAN and my son's 13... Am I a cool mom??!!!
Load More Replies...
Queen Boadicea 3 years ago
I love "bussin'" . And I will use that in public just for giggles and that OMG you didn't look
RandomPanda648 3 years ago
I love to use their language when I talk to my 19 year old son. I always make sure to be loud and completely wrong. "My dude! That pizza we ate last night while we talked about living rent free is wrong was so good it was sus.
#13
I've said "Come here and let me smell your butt." on more than one occasion.
Final score:
81points
Margo Mohar-Maxwell 3 years ago (edited)
I literally broke my ankle trying not to step on Hot Wheels strewn about the floor. 😖
Christina Odermatt 3 years ago
I have to pick them up to get a smell cuz they wont stay still to let me normally check 🤦🏼♀️ My mom an aunt cracks up laughing every time I do that an my response? “It’s the only time that it’s ok to smell another persons butt is when it’s a baby in diapers!” 🤣🤷🏼♀️
Christian Fuller 3 years ago
I've had to feBreze stuffed animals because they can't go in the washer.
#14
My food is always cold.
Final score:
80points
Christina Odermatt 3 years ago
I eat while I cook cuz it’s not like my kids let me eat anyways!! My 1yo will str8 up grab my entire plate off the table so he can play in it. 🤦🏼♀️
Teampandas GF 3 years ago
Since kids I drink my coffee without caffeine and cold. And it looks like my beer has to be warm and without alcohol...
I'mNotARoboat 3 years ago
Papa Bear's porridge was hot because he gets it first or becomes angry bear, Baby Bear's was just right because he couldn't/wouldn't eat it any other way, and Mama Bear's is cold because she'll eventually get to it when she has a second.
devilicious 3 years ago
Oh yes. My kid first, then fiancee and by the time I sit down to eat everyone is finished and my food is always cold. Glad I'm not the only one
Pursuing Peonies 3 years ago
I finally figured out something that works for us for that. Serve the kiddo first so their food cools down enough that by the time everyone else is ready to eat we can all eat. But of course, kiddo can feed themselves, which is definitely a big part. And sometimes I forget or we don't have time.
#15
I have a pile of cheerio and goldfish sand at the bottom of my purse
Final score:
76points
Samia Guled 3 years ago
that's the horror of having kids, and we can't stop that
Load More Replies...
Kim Kermes 3 years ago
I wasted entirely too much time sweeping goldfish detritus from store floors. Feed them at home. Food should not equal comfort. No, I didn't reproduce. I was a child with meal times, so was my 9 years younger sister.
#16
I give treats for pooping.
Final score:
72points
#17
I still think Dora the Explorer shouldn't be allowed to leave the house by herself and that she and Boots are-co-dependents. Whenever she said, "I need your help," I would shout from the kitchen, "Again? Why? To count to five this time? For crying out loud, Dora, pull yourself together!"
Final score:
72points
Hannah Cremeans 3 years ago
It's a map to America okay we get it the crocodile is border control we know... WE KNOW
Kimberly Roseborough 3 years ago
And why is that creeper swiper following her everywhere trying to steal her s**t?! Cognitively she's just not ready for this if she count count to five.
Hillary Fisher 3 years ago
My brother said Dora is teaching kids to wander off and take snacks and rides from people
#18
I know what Santa will bring for Christmas!
Final score:
71points
Francisco Garcia Bustamante 3 years ago (edited)
⢀⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠘⣿⣿⡟⠲⢤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠈⢿⡇⠀⠀⠈⠑⠦⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⠴⢲⣾⣿⣿⠃ ⠀⠀⠈⢿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠓⢤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡤⠖⠚⠉⠀⠀⢸⣿⡿⠃⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠈⢧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡤⠖⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⡟⠁⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠳⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠒⠒⠛⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠑⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢦⡀⠀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡴⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣶⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠰⣀⣀⠴⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⠁⠀⠀⠀⣠⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⠃⠀⠀⠀⢸⣀⣽⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣧⣨⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡞⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠿⠛⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠛⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⢃⡤⠖⠒⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠤⠤⢤⡀⠀⠀⢧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⢸⡀⠀⠀⢀⡗⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⠤⠤⢤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡁⠀⠀⠀⣹⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡀⠙⠒⠒⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢺⡀⠀⠀⠀⢹⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠲⠴⠚⠁⠀⠀⠸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠦⠤⠴⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢳⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠾⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠦⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠤⠼⠇
Fairy Winter 3 years ago
I know santa isnt real, but i still believe he is!!! By the way, i am an aunt, so ik my mom and dad get the gifts for my nefew 😉 and maybe me- 😂
#19
Hey you're Kid's Name Mom.... yes 21 years later..😄
Final score:
71points
Ibbie Ikenzebates 3 years ago
In my country of origin it happens immediately. You give birth to a son and name him Remi, you are thenceforth Mama Remi. That's it.
Sheryl V. Joned 3 years ago
I don't have a name and my youngest is 38. But to everyone I'm TJ's Mom. As in "Hey! TJs Mom".
MarlysRae McNichol pickle 3 years ago
An Armored Truck tried to pass me on black ice .. I was totally fine but the truck 🛻 was on its side in the opposite ditch … As I was talking to the police on speaker, the driver said “are you Chris’ Mom ;) It made my crazy night so much better !!!!
Sali Seydel Mounce 3 years ago
My son is 45. Knows everyone in a five county area. Played in a popular band for about 13 years. I'm ALWAYS "Phil's Mom."
Karen Kaiser 3 years ago
What's her face I got from my mom cause she called me my sister's name and I corrected her so she chose what's her face.
Liz Rogers 3 years ago
I'm bad with names. I have good friends I've known for years but still sometimes have to think to myself "that's David's Mom" instead of being able to remember their actual name.
Load More Replies... #20
Baby shark do do do..
Final score:
68points
Anna Poręba 3 years ago
Na Shopee-pee-pee pee-peehpee... Translation of commercial of certain eBay like site in my country... They made a cover of baby shark and threw this c**p at us every 3 min via TVs radios everywhere
Karen Kaiser 3 years ago
Or Barney. I want to go on a hunting trip for Barney, teletubbies and that bloody shark!!
Catsplay Harry Holmes 3 years ago
I'm not a parent but unfortunately sometimes a catchy tune of it.
Lytse Draak 3 years ago
I'll sing along with this one. It's catchy and I've heard worse theme songs.
#21
I'm taking care of a cat, that isn't mine, for the rest of it's life.
Final score:
67points
Danniee Gyrl 3 years ago
EXACTLY...He is going into the Air Force in a few weeks...so yeah...both of the cats belong to me now....🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
C Lawson 3 years ago
At first I thought you meant the cat was going and got a bit jealous of my fluffy slacker
Load More Replies... Kim Kermes 3 years ago
My mom took care of my cat when I was stationed overseas until I got settled. She wouldn't give her back.
Kathleen King 3 years ago
Yep, I "inherited" two cats myself... then both daughters went and got their own house pets!
yellowphantom 3 years ago
Every one of my siblings and I did that to our parents at least once
Amanda Thompson 3 years ago
2 dogs, 2 ferrets, and a gecko. But to be fair the dogs were my idea and I was totally cool with the ferrets because I knew all along it would be me taking care of them. The gecko is the easiest of all of them. When he goes to college he’s taking the lizard with him tho.
Cindy Moore 3 years ago
We have now 5. Cats. This is what happens when you don't have grandkids!
#22
The things you find in the washing machine ; lego, stones, feathers,. Also to be found in other surprising places like the fridge.
Final score:
65points
Rachel Konefka 3 years ago
I've even found the remote on the fridge... Good thing it wasn't on the washing machine
Patti Stevens 3 years ago
I have pulled a 4 inch banana slug out of my sons pocket…..when I was folding the freshly washed and dried load of laundry
Catsplay Harry Holmes 3 years ago
When I was a kid I had at least 2-3 wooden boxes full of rocks.Yes, I like collecting stones. I still do it, but not as much as I did when I was a kid
#23
I have a 4 bedroom house and yet forget what the other occupants look like thanks to cell phones, gaming systems, work, school and general (teen) "I hate everyone" attitudes. But yet the kitchen sink is constantly full with 734 cups for various liquid nourishment and bowls and plates. And where the hell are all my spoons???
Final score:
63points
Zella hawk 3 years ago
Your silverware is in the same place food storage lids are... The void!
Load More Replies...
Amberlie Mikelsen 3 years ago (edited)
The cups problem can be solved quickly, especially with kids old enough to read and reach the sink; each person has 2 cups with their name on them (one for hot, 1 for cold) and the individual is responsible for washing their own damned cups! Color code for those who can't or are too lazy to read.
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
Your children bring the bowls and plates into the kitchen? When my younger brothers were teens, they'd only bring down the dishes when our mother noticed that we'd run out of them. We had rooms in the attic (5 siblings) and it was obviously easy to "forget" things upstairs.
Sheryl V. Joned 3 years ago
When my boys were teens, I bought face towels every other month. Still don't know where they went.
Tess Clark 3 years ago
OMG! Where do the spoons go! Finding Atlantis is more likely to be found before the spoons.
Karen Kaiser 3 years ago
Yours are in the sink? Buying new dishes is useless cause they disappear so we go on a hint for the kidnapped dishes.
#24
During the school year, every morning is a crisis that involves lost items, tears, and vows to do better tomorrow. And that's when I'm the only one awake!!
Final score:
58points
#25
Before COVID you could find sanitizer and wet wipes in my car or bag at any given time.
Final score:
56points
#26
I can no longer be coaxed, or tricked into, sniffing anyone’s finger.
Final score:
54points
*Displayname*=idk 3 years ago
😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'm sorry! But as an older sister with a younger brother I felt this to my heart 🤣🤣🤣
*Displayname*=idk 3 years ago (edited)
Anything 😳 . It is rarely a good thing, they put something on their hands and you become their smelling victim. ..
Load More Replies... Karen Kaiser 3 years ago
Sniff the finger has become the new pull my finger resulting in gas leaks.
#27
The only jokes I know are Dad jokes.
Final score:
53points
Dave Hinckley 3 years ago
Yes, there are also elephant jokes, which are the highest form of humor
Load More Replies... #28
My pantry and fridge are full of empty cartons, containers and packages that I don't see until I'm putting the groceries away.
Final score:
53points
*Displayname*=idk 3 years ago
As the cleaning addict of our household I 100 percent understand.
#29
Peppa Pig haunts my dreams, the little S**t
Final score:
51points
Christina Odermatt 3 years ago
I won’t let my kids watch Peppa Pig cuz I’m the 1 who can’t stand it, it’s such a dumbass cartoon an there r a lot of dumbass cartoons but Peppa takes the cake!
Kristy P 3 years ago
My mom told me recently that she HATED Mr. Rogers neighborhood and would simply leave the room to let me watch because she knew I liked it so much :-)
Load More Replies...
LMDontKnow 3 years ago
I freaking hate Peppa pig! They take one bite of food and they are covered in it. Plus way to corny
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
We no longer watch the new cartoons at my house. I collected a large stock of the older ones on DVD. My children do just fine with them.
Brigid Brown 3 years ago
My daughter is American, however I was “Mummie” until she realized she wasn’t British and no one else had a British accent. 🤪
#30
We (both in our 70s) are recovering from Covid. I just asked my husband if he wanted to go nigh-nigh.
Final score:
50points
Kimberlee Jackson 3 years ago
My daughter was a very sick baby, always throwing up, fevers, etc; she was SOO good to go to sleep though! I'd say Nuggle Nuggle Nite Nite at bedtime, and Nuggle Nuggle Nap Nap (obviously) at naptime. She would tenderly lay her head on my shoulder, then lay her head down in the crib and go right to sleep! Day-in-&-day-out-Projectile-Vomiting is EXHAUSTING for an infant, to say the least! To this day, almost 18years later, my husband, our daughter and I still say it, even with people around - don't care! It was created during a traumatizing time, that could have been so much worse if not handled so tenderly! The nigh-nigh you shared shows such deep love, IMO! It certainly made me smile!💗🙏🏻
Margaret Hooper (Submission author) 3 years ago
Beautiful story. I'm glad you all survived the stress of those times.
Load More Replies... Ashley Deane 3 years ago
I say these to my husband, we're 34. "Potty" "tubby" "sippy" = cup "tummy" etc.
#31
The nicest part of my day is when I'm on my own, can hear myself think, watch something that isn't PG related and without be questioned throughout the whole film. Silence is bliss 😊
Final score:
49points
Christina Odermatt 3 years ago (edited)
Silence is bliss, I wouldn’t know, what does that even mean? 🤣🤣
Dee 3 years ago
Part of your DAY? What is that even like?! I'm going on 14 years without having experienced this more than once every couple months 😂
Leslie Cookietown 3 years ago
You should as for help!! You're not able to continuously give of yourself to others until you've been blessed with Peace, Self Care and Solitude! Your sanity requires it! No need to be a martyr!!!! God Bless You, Mom!!
Load More Replies... 
Elaine Harley 3 years ago
In the winter of 1992/93, when the kids were five and almost three, their army medic dad was posted to Somalia for six months. During that time we lived in a small town and closest family was at least four hours away. Around the five-month mark I went over to Kenya to meet up with him. I had a 7-hour flight to London then an 8-hour flight to Nairobi. I was practically giddy at having such an extended period of uninterrupted time and ended up being too antsy to sleep or read or watch a movie. (But it was absolute bliss!) 😉
Panda-Moan-I-Ummm.... 3 years ago
I stay up an hour or two late even when I'm exhausted just so I can have some time to myself without the weight of motherhood.
Parenthood....it ain't for the weak 3 years ago
"That's not fair! Everyone else has one, why not me?" VERY SPECIFIC school supply lists "You're so mean!"
Zella hawk 3 years ago
Lol I used to go on a weekend away to a local motel ALL BY MYSELF! 15 min away... A whole different universe! But still close enough in case my husband had child emergencies strangely enough he never did
#32
Repeatedly awakened in the middle of the night.
Final score:
48points
Amy Moore 3 years ago
And dogs..my dog usually wakes me up between 2-4 am
Load More Replies... Amberlie Mikelsen 3 years ago
Kids, pets, dependent/disabled parents/siblings, the list goes on and on and on
#33
I’ve stayed up all night making a hamburger costume
Final score:
48points
Just Breathe 3 years ago
I take your Pink otter and raise it... I dont know how to sew (not even a button) so instead of making a costume (which I totally forgot about) i had to beg to my seamstress to do it for the next day (as an incentive I offered to pay double... money definitely make the world go round)
Load More Replies...
Dont Sellmyinfo 3 years ago
My all nighter was Goku… kid decided to rip the vest open at school the next day to go ‘supersain’ or however you spell it
#34
I cannot remember what 8 uninterrupted hours of sleep feels like nor having room in my bed and it being crumbles. I have vague memories of a waking up naturally!
Final score:
46points
Teampandas GF 3 years ago
I'm still hoping for the return of 4,5 hours of uninterrupted sleep...
Sinead Kenny (Submission author) 3 years ago
With the sounds of nature, windows open, fresh air and calming silence. 😌 To sit and read the newspaper (yes I remember what an actual newspaper is!) Or chat with the other half. Wow those were the days! Still I wouldn't take away anything I have now. I'll be able to do all that again all to soon but I'll never be able to mother her growing up again 🤫🤫
Load More Replies... #35
Any question I ask gets answered with 'You Mama'. Anything I do that I think is cool, someone says 'Bruh' in a condescending tone. I drive the same miles as an Uber, but don't get paid for it. And everything reeks of socks.
Final score:
46points
ImaPerson 3 years ago
Tell me you have an eight year old without telling me you have an eight year old
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
Tell them okay we'll call and let you speak to grandma. If they have a brother. "This is not your brother's problem, or you don't have a brother.
#36
I find water bottles in ever crevice and corner of the house, all partially drank. Yet there's 2 offenders, that refuse to claim so it gets wasted.
Final score:
45points
Dave Hinckley 3 years ago (edited)
If a partial water bottle has no schmutz floating in it, it's probably mine and is safe to drink.
#37
Of course a can drink tea and eat cookies without actually drinking tea and eating cookies.
Final score:
44points
#38
When my kids come to visit (they’re in their 30s) and we go out for the day, my bag still gets loaded with hankies, wipes, 1st aid, umbrella or sun cream (or both), purse, masks, sanitiser, mints, carrier bag, water — “just in case” 😂
Final score:
44points
Jono (Submission author) 3 years ago
They’re too busy carrying a phone . 🙈😂😂
Load More Replies... Ashley Deane 3 years ago
This reminds me so much of my Nana. If I needed a 3ft purple and green polkadot fabric on a pink background for a school project she'd be like yeah, go down to the basement in my craft room in the second drawer of the third cabinet. There's 3 rolls
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
You never ever stop being a Mom. Once a mother you remain a mother for the rest of eternity. Best job security of all time.
ButterflyMcQueen 3 years ago
And they still ask for that stuff too I bet! Lol. My son always counts on me having spare toothbrushes and razors when he visits🤭
#39
The very last thing I do before leaving the house in the morning is to get dressed, because the odds are I will get two or three body fluids on my clothes before I make it to the door.
Final score:
43points
Elaine Harley 3 years ago
I did that too. And I put the kids in their carseats right before I let the dog out to do her business and return to the house!
I'mNotARoboat 3 years ago
That's the last thing we do except toddler gets dressed after I do so he doesn't have time to rip off his various pieces of clothing thus taking more time to get ready.
Theresa Carroll 3 years ago
Same my son has gotten his aim down and apparently only mommy gets the exorcist treatment 🤣 or I walk out looking like a yeti due to my furry kids of which I have 2 that shed enough to make a third😆 oh btw black clothing isn't even a thought in our home.. light colors only because of the fur babies and somehow I still look like Ms bigfoot everytime I walk outside.. so I bring an extra shirt to put on once I leave...
#40
I have asked someone to remove the glow stick from their nose BEFORE coming to the dinner table.
Final score:
41points
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago (edited)
Or ended up in the ER because of multiple carrot pieces shoved up a small nostril. Got home later and even more were snorted out during the night. I still wonder how anyone can shove that many cooked carrots up one nostril during a single napkin run.
Catsplay Harry Holmes 3 years ago
One thing I said as a kid when my mom called me for lunch: there are no save slots in the underworld please wait! It was a child's game called Fantasy Life or something like that
Catsplay Harry Holmes 3 years ago
I had to take care of children once, one child put toast up his nose 😅
#41
I have a tiny sock stuck to the Velcro on my jacket hood.
Final score:
40points
Norma Nelson 3 years ago
I get my undies stuck to velcro on my cargo jeans and they want to keep it
#42
I receive shopping lists from camp, not letters. 🤣
Final score:
39points
#43
I haven't slept in years...
Final score:
38points
Lisa Lapuz 3 years ago
Sleep? Sleep? What is that? I feel this strange sense of deja vu but can't quite remember what it is 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
#44
I buy silverware 🍽 weekly...not plastic wares but silverware
Final score:
38points
Keisha Hall 3 years ago
We are definitely missing silverware. Just this morning, I decided to buy more...we have like 3 forks and 50 knives.
#45
I used to care so much about my appearance I wouldn't leve the house until I was completely made up, coordinated and accessorised. Now you would be lucky if I remember to take the child's knickers (clean) I'm using as a hair bobble out of my hair.
Final score:
38points
#46
Found a half eaten chocolate bar in my shoe yesterday... My work shoes. Super fun.
Final score:
38points
K-Hey 3 years ago
Couch chocolate? Without hesitation! Shoe candy... I might need to brush it off, first
Load More Replies...
Hazel Wasil 3 years ago
Did it feel nice and squishy putting your foot in it? Or did you check first, then ram it in your mouth.
#47
I am the CEO of a small small cleaning service, which also provides addition services at no extra charge. Additionally I sit on the board of directors for a small bank BofM.
Final score:
37points
K-Hey 3 years ago
I thought about leaving a note in son's dresser stating something along the lines of "we don't have laundry gnomes, please put your damn clothes away" but I trained him to be a smart a*s and he'll start leaving dirty dishes around to "encourage their return"
Elaine Harley 3 years ago
So it's a tiny service that doesn't offer subtraction, multiplication, or division services? 😁
Lucky2BAlive (Submission author) 3 years ago
Arithmetic and Science are not included. Unless it translates to “how many times do I have to tell you it’s not rocket science”
Load More Replies... #48
A toy car factory has exploded in my house.
Final score:
37points
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago (edited)
We have found several unwrapped chocolate kisses and chewed bubble gum hidden under the couch.
Lucky2BAlive 3 years ago
Were there any survivors aside from Lego people? Did Ken, and Barbie survive?
Lisa Lapuz 3 years ago
Pretty sure we have Ooshie and Lego volcanoes in our living room. Which unfortunately erupt on a daily basis. 😮💨😮💨😮💨😮💨
#49
I have way more content knowledge than a person should have about show, sites, and games that have nothing to do with my job or interests.
Final score:
37points
Elaine Harley 3 years ago
Going out for dinner with three friends I hadn't seen for eons (because we were posted overseas) and I regaled them with the entire theme song for the Captain Planet cartoon series. 🤦♀️
Karen Kaiser 3 years ago
2 year is obsessed with Frozen and refuses to wear anything BUT her Elsa dress.
#50
Me: "Why are you licking the fridge?" Nephew: "I'm a chameleon." He was trying to open the fridge to get food. With his tongue, smh.
Final score:
36points
Samantha Pugh (Submission author) 3 years ago
He adored Animal Planet and Discovery Channel back then, lol.
Load More Replies... Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
Or being pregnant and having a small child obsessed with you belly. "I'm glad your excited to be a big sister, but quit tickling and trying to poke your brother."
#51
"Because" is a perfectly complete and full answer
Final score:
35points
PalmKitty 3 years ago
Agrhswidhwu I hate it when parents do this and I can’t wait to do it on my own kids because I’m as good as coming up with reasons as a shark is on a bike
Cristin Lucas 3 years ago
Oh I loathed this answer. And Because I said so. But when everything you say is questioned, bruuuuh. It comes out. Just out of frustration. I'm sooo tired of being interrogated any time I ask someone to do something or I ask someone something. My kids are 11 and 7. And it's the eldest that tries my patience the most with this lol. Good luck when you're dealing with it. 😂 imma have to get colorful with it now.
Load More Replies... Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
After the fifteenth time of explaining to your child why they have to eat food to live "because I said so" becomes much more appealing as an answer.
#52
I have a collection of drinks called "Not Mine"
Final score:
33points
Amberlie Mikelsen 3 years ago
And a broken vase named "Cat Did It" and an unearthed potted plant named "Dog Did It "...
#53
These shoulders have been adorned by many a spit-up.
Final score:
32points
#54
My car looks like a dumpster
Final score:
31points
Matt Ronald Slater 3 years ago
So does mine, and I don't even have kids yet. I'm ten years ahead of the game.
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago (edited)
As well as any room The child spends any amount of time in. Work your bum off getting it clean and organized, five minutes later it's back to looking like it just had a 12 hour hurricane.
#55
I always have a sink full of dirty dishes I didn’t create (alas no dishwasher)
Final score:
31points
Lyra Sis 3 years ago
I'm currently taking my replacement as the dishwasher
Load More Replies...
Theresa Carroll 3 years ago
Right?? I use like 2/3 dishes a day yet some how every dish is dirty and the sink full every morning when I get up..
#56
Shayden...Elias...Aria...whatever your name is! Stop doing that!
Final score:
31points
DS Mom 3 years ago
My Grandmother used yell out, when she wanted to talk to my mom or one of her sisters, Jane, Jeanne, Janice, Joyce!!! Dang it!!! One of you J's!!!
*Displayname*=idk 3 years ago
All of my siblings and I have A names. So my mom would do the same thing. 👍
Load More Replies... 
Liz Rogers 3 years ago
And if course the right name is always after you've cycled through all the others. Every time.
Theresa Carroll 3 years ago
My mamaw would call out Rhonda ,ebony, Teri get in here , I'm Teri, Rhonda my cousin, ebony our black chow chow.. I have been called out dogs names so many times I've lost count😆 oh I miss you mamaw
#57
Can I please just p**s in peace!
Final score:
30points
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
My little bro and his wife "we need our privacy". Me knowing what happens to privacy after you have children and trying not to laugh hysterically.
Elaine Harley 3 years ago
As soon as they were old enough to bug me in the bathroom, my response was: Are you bleeding? Is there a fire? No? Then wait til I'm done! (I insisted on having one room of the house where I could have some privacy!)
#58
I've cleaned poop off of walls.
Final score:
30points
Janea258 3 years ago
I've cleaned poop from the ceiling. Still not sure how it got there.
Load More Replies... Karen Kaiser 3 years ago
I had 1 who had to take medicine to poop for a colonscopy due to a gi bleed. They gave her lemon tasting clear stuff. She got to the bathroom, pulse down her pants and was going down to sit when she exploded c**p everywhere. Wall, toilet, floor, etc.
Debbie Malek 3 years ago
Just cleaned poop off the back of the toilet tank underneath the "wipies" because the "wipes" package had fallen into the toilet that hadn't yet been flushed and 5yr old fished it out and put it back on the tank. At least she didn't try to flush it down, nevermind it had pee and poo all over it
Cindy Moore 3 years ago
Poop out of the tub. Eeew. And my son once thought it would be fun to use a water gun in the the tub to spray at the ceiling, so plaster, too. And hair boogers.
Theresa Carroll 3 years ago (edited)
Me too.. when my daughter was 2 she was taking a nap.. so I hopped in the shower. Only to find a poo covered room, walls crib and baby when I got out. It's like she painted herself the door the walls and the crib.. oh it was gross... And this wasn't the last time either.
#59
Where is my ________? As it walks past on someone else's body.
Final score:
29points
#60
There's a Hot Wheels car in my box of tampons.
Final score:
29points
Sharon 3 years ago
My son used to soak my tampons in the toilet to see how big they'd get. Always hoping one would get gigantic cause he did it all the time. Those things get pretty damn big so I used to wonder how the hell they leaked.so glad he outgrew that, it was getting expensive and I had to keep a few hid away for when I needed one and couldn't get to the store.
#61
Just did laundry and already have 6 loads to do again
Final score:
29points
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
I'm so glad that we've installed the "no changing clothes during the day except in emergencies"-rule with my 6-y-o stepdaughter. She's with us only for a weekend, yet she used to wear more clothes than my husband and I combined... Now I just have heaps of clothes on Friday, when both she and our twins bring home everything they had in daycare over the week... Or when she brings home lice and I can do a whole load of plushies...
Norma Nelson 3 years ago
I do laundry when I run out of clothes but have at least a month or so
Theresa Carroll 3 years ago
I feel your pain.. I am the person who goes to the laundromat and uses like 10 washers. Only to have to do it all again a few days later
#62
I know far too much about Minecraft, a game I've never had any desire to play....
Final score:
28points
Rachel Adorno 3 years ago
My son gave me a 2 hour description, trying to convince me to buy it for him.
*Displayname*=idk 3 years ago
Hmm.. whenever I wanted ima game that involved money he would make me do stuff for it. Or just make me pay for it.
Load More Replies...
Danielle Bennett 3 years ago
I play and enjoy playing Minecraft. I still cannot sit and listen to kids talk about it without pain.
#63
All of the pasta in my pantry, and all of the chicken nuggets in my freezer are shaped like animals.
Final score:
28points
*Displayname*=idk 3 years ago
My brother only ate the paw patrol macaroni for the longest time...
Kristin Cox 3 years ago
My 20 year old daughter still prefers unicorn Mac and cheese. Swears the shapes taste better.
#64
Two of our five Disney + profiles = Princess KK and Dorkasaurus
Final score:
27points
Jennifer Martinez 3 years ago
Kiddo set Dad's as Lord Prancington III on one and Constable Soggy Bottom on another 🤣🤣🤣
Rachel Adorno 3 years ago
I'm a parent of now adult children. I don't even know those characters, but my 25 year Olds profile is represented by Moana.
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
We don't have disney + after reading this post I'm very glad we dont lol.
#65
Maria BeRomero 1 minute ago I am usually encountered in random places like a grocery store singing twinkle twinkle little star while been alone.
Final score:
27points
Margaret Hooper 3 years ago
My husband was caught rocking a bag of cement and whistling "I'm a Little Teapot" to it at the hardware store by his boss.
Lashonda Jones 3 years ago
ITS THE MISTER ROGERS THEME SONG FOR ME OR THE OLD SESAME STREET THEME SONG
#66
I have witnessed the length and girth of freshly produced poop entirely too many times.
Final score:
27points
Brooks Presnell 3 years ago
I hear "Dad, I'm done! Come wipe me!" In the distance every time I sit down to eat. Every. Time.
the_casscass 3 years ago
I hear, "Come look at this!" far too many times. And "Mommy, I can unless you count for me."
#67
I keep a box of Lego in the back seat of my car for boredom emergencies. My kids are in their 30s ... haven't lived with me for years.
Final score:
27points
Taylor Keane 3 years ago
My 34 year old daughter and 35 year old son in law STILL get Legos in their Christmas stockings!
#68
Not a parent, but an older sister. I hid MANY candies in my old history books. Dante's Inferno, Brown's Da Vinci Code, full of candies. that's the only place my baby brother will never look into.
Final score:
27points
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
You will hade much more than that, and in a greater variety of places as a parent.
Amberlie Mikelsen 3 years ago
Oh, literally the only place I could hide money growing up was in my Bible; my sister swiped it if I hid it literally anywhere else...
#69
All valuables must be put 3ft or higher out of reach
Final score:
25points
Amberlie Mikelsen 3 years ago
In locked upper cabinets in my case; I gave birth to 2 monkeys...
Frances Blades 3 years ago
But what if, so far, 1 outta the 4 is already 5 inches taller than you and you have to ask them to get things down for you? 🤔
Theresa Carroll 3 years ago (edited)
Except when you're 19 month old is 38 in tall and can reach up on the counters he's literally defeats every barricade and barrier I put up literally cannot keep anything out of his reach.. it's so crazy he is a full on monkey
Kimberlee Jackson 3 years ago
There's a pic of a young kid at Lowe's, on the VERY TOP of the 30+ foot high shelving, like 10 feet from the rafters and roof, so I'd say, in some ways, NO height is safe!
*Displayname*=idk 3 years ago
Ours are usually in our attic, or in the tops of closets. (Ofc not right now cause we are about to move.)
#70
Because I said so.
Final score:
25points
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago (edited)
After the fifteenth to twentieth time of explaining the same question "Because I said so" becomes a much more appealing answer.
#71
I can name all the pups from paw patrol. The sound of the snorts from Pepa pig's family makes me cringe - "muddy puddles" oh my horror
Final score:
24points
Theresa Carroll 3 years ago
I can quote pinkalicious and Daniel tiger verbatim. And I find myself singing their songs while doing dishes.. my son's favorite shows.. won't watch anything else
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
Or noisy toys that you fantasize about destroying the batteries to.
#72
I often have to clean up old pizza boxes and pop cans outside that have bb holes through them. Have night crawlers in my fridge and often have to look at and hear about cardboard tinfoil duct tape boats.
Final score:
23points
Kassie 3 years ago
Yeah, most likely a boy mom but I'm a girl who is the oldest that had a BB gun before I was seven, started fishing as soon as I was physically able to learn, and have always been obsessed with building things. Although I was more into cars than boats.
Load More Replies...
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
I will soon have both. Nightcrawlers and barbie doll shoes, boats and crowns, by holes and odd things in doll clothes and makeup...and of course the imminent fights over the bathroom.
#73
Apparently I can Venmo allowances.
Final score:
23points
#74
I was putting a shed together and was singing "Fruit Salad" by the Wiggles
Final score:
22points
#75
I'm pretty sure I could clog a shop-vac with the contents from within our couch cushions.
Final score:
22points
#76
I've seen every Episode of "Bluey" so many times I can recite them.
Final score:
22points
*Displayname*=idk 3 years ago
Oh my stars of Jesus! I can too! It bothers me when I try to sleep at night. ..
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
We have banned bluey, my child's current obsession is the old style aquaman dvds...her favorite character is the walrus.
#77
I installed locks at the top of my bedroom and bathroom doors.
Final score:
22points
Elaine Harley 3 years ago
One legendary family story is that when I was two I locked myself in the bathroom. Despite my parents and grandparents giving me directions and begging me to open it, they ended up calling the fire brigade who entered through the bathroom window and unlocked the door. 😁
#78
I co-habitate with a jerk named 'Not Me' that LITERALLY does nothing and everything. Somehow, my other co-habitants knows this person on a deep level, yet none have seen them. I can't wait for this jerk to turn 18 and move the eff out....
Final score:
22points
Sadako Firefly 3 years ago
It was great, right up until first grandchild. Then he snuck back in.
#79
I will forever store toys, graduation gowns and a wedding dress of someone who doesn't live with me anymore.
Final score:
22points
#80
Most items in my purse come from mother nature and 'can easily be recycled or re-used'.
Final score:
21points
#81
I have had to explain more than once that people don't break out in song and dance anywhere we go. Ever.
Final score:
21points
ButterflyMcQueen 3 years ago
I'm afraid I'm going to have to respectfully have to disagree. This is a regular occurrence on my mother's side of the family, occasionally, embarrassingly in public.
Tori Walker 3 years ago
I thought that too until I got to highschool. I don't think that's what my mom was referring to when she said the highschool musical movies were pretty accurate, but it was the part that matched closest to my experience. "I Want It That Way" was a favorite in my english class.
#82
Even I'm glad school is out.
Final score:
20points
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
I homeschool so keeping to traditional vacation times is no problem...and it keeps me busy during the week with lessons playdates and homeschool group activities.
#83
My wife went to Aldis one morning. Apparently when she opened her shopping bag it was full of teething toys.
Final score:
19points
Rachel Adorno 3 years ago
Allison is a grocery store in the Midwest of the United States. They do not provide grocery bags. You bring them or put your groceries in a box or hand carry them individually.
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
Reminds me I need to get some of those before the new baby is born.
April Dancer 3 years ago
Given the topic, I assume he was saying she automatically packed them into her bag to go shopping. Either that or the kids had 'kindly' packed for her. He wasn't saying Aldis put them in a bag.
Load More Replies... #84
I usually eat leftovers from many different plates
Final score:
19points
Amberlie Mikelsen 3 years ago
Oh, what's really bad is they'll only eat what's on your plate, so you get stuck with their cold meal...
Lucky2BAlive 3 years ago
Over the sink (when I can), cold meals if anything is left. I am now adepT deconstruction of leftovers.
Karen Kaiser 3 years ago
Jensen Ackles of Supernatural himself said as the father of a 6 year old and 3 year old twins he usually ends up the garbage disposal for what they don't finish.
#85
My shopping list list consists names next to the items so I know if the item can be substituted or not. The world almost ended last week when I bought gummy bears and no gummy worms.
Final score:
19points
#86
I have at least 6 completely empty boxes in the pantry and 4 open cabinet doors.
Final score:
19points
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
Sounds like an infestation of giant two legged raccoons. Also known as Rugrats.
Susan (Submission author) 3 years ago
Only ONE two legged teenaged rugrat was responsible.
Load More Replies... #87
Speaking to my friends as if they were small children.
Final score:
18points
Jamie Massengill 3 years ago
I once was talking to my husband and getting the baby's binkie and tried to put it in my husband's mouth instead of the baby's lol
Julie Welch 3 years ago
I took high school students to a theater summer camp. The first night at supper I leaned over to cut a student's food for them.
#88
I'm the punching bag for a set of first year hockey twins
Final score:
18points
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
Since I'm pregnant my husband is the punching bag for the child outside the belly. I'm the punching bag for the one inside it.
#89
My husband just said “the floor is lava” instead of the “floor is yours” during a presentation
Final score:
18points
#90
Bought decorations and food yesterday, cleaned and DIYed a whole pink ocean theme room today. Ready for bday bbq for tomorrow.
Final score:
17points
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
Mine wants an otter party. Waiting to see if she changes her mind in the next few months.
Nicky 3 years ago
She won't change her mind until you bought all the "otter" themed decorations/invitations.
Load More Replies... #91
I have taken a pick axe to the side of my garden to create a "construction site" so that the excavators don't dig up my cucumbers. Every morning the house is clean, and two hours into the day I can't walk in a straight line. And I've had to ask why boogers are on the wall or smiley faces are drawn in poop on the sports car I don't get to use anymore in the garage.
Final score:
17points
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
Or why boogers are one the side of the bathtub, or used tissues hidden under the covers of you bed.
#92
There are tissues in varying states of use in my left cargo shorts pocket at all times.
Final score:
17points
#93
"WAAAÀALK!" Also: I know the name of every crayola crayon color.
Final score:
17points
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
Come here, go there, sit down, stand up, walk don't run, slow down, hurry up. Basically a kid will do the opposite of what ever you say.
#94
My rearview mirror is adorned with a pacifier hanging from a lanyard
Final score:
17points
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
My bedroom wall by the light switch is adorned with stickers. Whenever I remove them more seem to appear.
#95
I function as a cook, teacher, nurse, counselor, maid, entertainer, and human pillow- and I do it all for free.
Final score:
16points
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
You forgot chauffer, jungle gym, referee, police officer, judge, spider squisher, teacher, search and rescue for lost items, etc etc.
Tricia Burcell (Submission author) 3 years ago (edited)
Yes; yes I did! (I did put teacher, though.)
Load More Replies... #96
I've watched all of "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse"
Final score:
15points
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
Given the quality of the new cartoons I miss Mickey Mouse club house.
Lashonda Jones 3 years ago
AAAND FIND MYSELF SINGING EITHER THE BEGINNING OR ENDING THEME SONG
#97
I have said the words "No that hole is not a poop shoot, put your underwear on right."
Final score:
15points
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
So far have a daughter, but am expecting a son in just a few months, I expect I will become very familiar with that phrase.
#98
(Cat owner) Every two minutes or so, a “bwurr” is echoed through the house.
Final score:
14points
Ashley Deane 3 years ago
I love that noise. The noise cats make when you pet them and they don't know it's coming?
the_casscass 3 years ago
Same. I have both kids and cats. One cat likes to steal stuffed animals and yowl LOUDLY to inform me he "caught the mouse". He has his own mouse toys, but chooses the stuffed animals twice his size. 😅
#99
There is one show in the house that you hear way more than any other... Cocomelon. There's also the song... We Don't Talk About Bruno
Final score:
14points
Samia Guled 3 years ago
This is the daily things In my family, I'd give ANYTHING to not be brainwashed with encanto.
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago (edited)
My daughter loves kids baking championship, making her pregnant mother even more hungry.
#100
All cookies, candies, and chips are in a locked cabinet over the fridge. The cleaning products are in an unlocked cabinet under the sink.
Final score:
14points
#101
I can tell you... Wait. GET THAT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!!... I do not care that the dog gave it to you... So I can... Hold on. Uhm. What was the question...?
Final score:
14points
#102
I have a basket with several mateless shoes and sneakers.
Final score:
13points
Norma Nelson 3 years ago
I have mismatched sizes of same shoes can't figure out where the mates are know any one legged persons?
Karen Kaiser 3 years ago
A lady has a sign single and looking for a match above a rack where she hangs single socks. 😆
#103
I used to hate cold coffee but now it's almost all I'm able to drink.
Final score:
13points
Tricia Burcell 3 years ago (edited)
That’s why I use a leak-proof, insulated travel mug at home!
#104
I’m tired
Final score:
13points
#105
I just bought some dork diaries books from the library (my mom 4 years ago POV)
Final score:
12points
#106
French fries or goldfish crackers on the floor of the car
Final score:
12points
#107
I have learned to "talk" for the stuffed cats. Things start with an "m"
Final score:
12points
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
Have had to mount major rescue operations for toys that fell behind the bed.
#108
I call my husband Daddy in a non-sexual way
Final score:
12points
the_casscass 3 years ago
My husband and I do this. But only because when my oldest was 2, he refused to call me mommy and instead called me by my name. Took 6 months for him to stop. But we kept calling each other mama and daddy, especially after our second son was born, to prevent t this from happenimg again. Now it just a constant.
#109
I made up names for animals and kids on the street, since I got scolded for not knowing their names by a two year old.
Final score:
12points
#110
screaming kids, toilet paper mummies, kids rolled up in "avocado" blankets
Final score:
11points
#111
Is that poop or chocolate?
Final score:
11points
#112
I don't remember the last time I was able to stay home alone. Without kids or hubby🥺. I have to leave the house if I want a moment of peace and quiet. Not even bathroom time is sacred.
Final score:
11points
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
Which is why it's so hard not to laugh listening to my little bro and his wife (who want kids) saying how they need thier privacy.
Lucky2BAlive 3 years ago
I have an adult son and can barely get to the Walmart with being interrogated. I dream of a day trip where I don’t have invite others. Or do anything for myself, without explanation to anyone. Explaining myself to people who don’t listen or care.
Elaine Harley 3 years ago
As soon as my two were old enough to bug me in the bathroom, my response was: Are you bleeding? Is there a fire? No? So wait till I'm done! 😁 (I insisted on one room in the house where I could have some privacy!)
Lilninjasmom2018 (Submission author) 3 years ago
😂 I hope to have a Sheshed someday where I can hide away for a moment of relaxation and sanity. In the meantime, I just yell that I'm naked and hope that's enough to keep them out and away for the moment. The preschooler could care less at this age so if she really wants me, she will find a way (which is not often thankfully).
Load More Replies... Lucky2BAlive 3 years ago
I apologize - it won’t let me erase that accidental tirade. I am so sorry.
Lilninjasmom2018 (Submission author) 3 years ago
No worries 😊. I will probably have adult children who will do the same thing to me in the future. They interrogate me now. It's like having 3 husbands instead of one.
Load More Replies... #113
Wet floors and doors that seem to not close.
Final score:
11points
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
And muddy tracks on the carpet that reappear everything you clean then.
#114
I once found a cheeseburger in my purse that had been there a couple of days.
Final score:
11points
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago (edited)
Eeewwww. Almost as bad as the half eaten donut in the carseat cup holder that had been there for a week, that my child tried to take a bite out of Incident.
#115
Going to the supermarket/Target/CVS by myself feels like a vacation on a tropical island.
Final score:
11points
#116
Where is my ________? As it walks past on someone else's body.
Final score:
10points
#117
Toot toot Chugga chugga big red car on a loop in my head. OH and the snot! Copious amounts of snot. Uggh.
Final score:
10points
#118
Several of my most treasured pieces of jewelry are made of rainbow plastic pony beads.
Final score:
10points
#119
I yell everyday" STOP YELLING"
Final score:
10points
#120
I have had projectile poop in my eye. (It burns!)
Final score:
9points
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
The day I brought my daughter home from the hospital, pooped on peed on and puked on...all on the same day. That was my initiation to motherhood.
#121
I drive minivan.
Final score:
9points
#122
In my purse I always have bandaids, fruit snacks, Tylenol, Advil, lactose intolerance pills (which I am not!), hard candies, safety pins, a pen & paper.
Final score:
9points
#123
There were Littlest Pet Shop animals in the manger at Christmas time "because Jesus needed more animals"
Final score:
9points
#124
I make up lullabies on the fly...at 3 in the morning
Final score:
9points
Elaine Harley 3 years ago
"My Bonnie" is a family lullaby that I used with my kids. If I needed extra verses I would switch out "Bonnie" for a family member's name!
#125
I grapoed hold of a stranger's hand at the road side and said...."hold my Danny". I also pointed to a horse out of the bus window and said..."look, a poppo"
Final score:
8points
#126
I had two extra kids named Ida Know and Ont Know living in my house.
Final score:
8points
Ambry Petersen 3 years ago
I have Ida Know, and "I didn't do that", and "not me" and "nobody"...none of which I have ever actually seen. Plus the plethora of my child's imaginary friends who seem to be almost permanent residents.
#127
Every chair I regularly sit in has a roll of paper towel within reach.
Final score:
8points
#128
I never feel like I am doing enough.
Final score:
8points
Ashley Deane 3 years ago
This is all parents but not JUST parents. This is literally every one at most times. The fact that you worry you aren't doing enough, shows you're probably doing fine.
#129
The sound of silence isn't just a great song from Disturbed but is also the sound I fear the most coming from the bedroom
Final score:
8points
#130
I have heard every spoiler to every movie that I don't even want to see.
Final score:
8points
#131
Not Mine, Wasn't Me, and I didn't do it are all my roommates. Though I don't remember inviting them to stay with me in my home. 🙃🤔🤪
Final score:
8points
#132
Know all the words to the Pokemon theme and names of all of Ash's pokemon from every region I used to only know pikachu and jigglypuff
Final score:
7points
#133
My hair has been used to wipe a snotty nose clean
Final score:
7points
#134
I just had to yell, "Don't poke that spider with your finger!"
Final score:
7points
Debbie Boyd Cochran (Submission author) 3 years ago
I'm extremely scared of spiders, but I had this one in a bowl to try to identify it. She wanted to see what it's *defensive mode* looked like.
#135
Every time I open the shower curtain to step in, there are many and various types of toys laying in the tub. Most of them aren't even made for water so I have to scoop them all up and lay them on a towel to dry just to get in the shower. Same thing the next day. It never ends.
Final score:
7points
#136
My son greeted my husband "HI Steve. Oops I mean dad." My husband is named James. Blues clues was important.
Final score:
7points
#137
How do you get permanent marker off a cat??!!….asking for a friend😬
Final score:
7points
Renee Smith 3 years ago
I knew someone who dyed their cat with Koolaid powder. The cat liked it!!
#138
My house has a constant tornado that seems to be as violent as the storm on Jupiter, has forced me to utter "don't stick your finger there" and "that's not where that goes" on thousands of occasions, and seems to have a new and absolutely random question waaay to complicated for me to answer in a moments time every .25 seconds... Also, I have one friend. Her name is Voda Ka and we speak often. She understands me lmao.
Final score:
7points
#139
I've gone to work wearing nail polish on my toes and fingers, because small humans needed to both be nail technicians and I was the only victim... I mean customer available...
Final score:
7points
#140
Final score:
6points
Elaine Harley 3 years ago
Give it a minute's thought and check the thread if you still can't figure it out.
Load More Replies... #141
I'm pretty sure I could clog a shop-vac with the contents from within our couch cushions.
Final score:
6points
#142
I have taken a pick axe to the side of my garden to create a "construction site" so that the excavators don't dig up my cucumbers. Every morning the house is clean, and two hours into the day I can't walk in a straight line. And I've had to ask why boogers are on the wall or smiley faces are drawn in poop on the sports car I don't get to use anymore in the garage.
Final score:
6points
#143
Petroleum jelly is difficult to remove, even off a water-loving labrador
Final score:
6points
#144
"PANTS! Where are your pants?" 😳😳 "Who peed on the carpet?" Didn't always apply to the dogs. 🤨🤨
Final score:
6points
#145
(Daycare teacher) I know that it's a bad idea to give 16 two year olds apple juice immediately after they've woken up from nap, have repeatedly uttered the words "No, Thank You! We don't drink water from off the ground!", Can change diapers like a speed racer, and know that all it takes to stop a crying chain of toddlers is to bring out the fabric tunnel.
Final score:
6points
#146
I think it's quite a parent personally.
Final score:
6points
#148
Yelled at my teenager for not packing up his stuff to head out to out of state college tomorrow (i had been telling him to do it for 3 weeks). Got mad! Yelled! And immediately went to the bathroom and cried because he's going to out if state college tomorrow. I'm conflicted!
Final score:
6points
#149
The dog is covered in raw eggs and chocolate syrup!
Final score:
5points
#151
I can never do anything for longer than 10 minutes unless it's between the times of 2 and 4 pm.
Final score:
5points
#153
There is a secret squatter in my home named "Not Me", and they happen to make lots of messes ....
Final score:
5points
#154
I'm fluent in English, sigh and eye roll
Final score:
5points
#155
Well, one of my three best friends stopped by today; however, I was so tired I decided to take a two-hour nap. She must not have minded a bit because she new better than to wake me.
Final score:
4points
#156
We don’t talk about Bruno… except when we do. 3,456,989 times a day.
Final score:
4points
#157
Their food plates are untouched. As I fight to protect my food on my plate. Dispite all plates holding the exact same food items.
Final score:
4points
#158
There were french fries in the VCR. Apparently, it was hungry. Side note, VCRs do not like french fries,
Final score:
4points
Karen Kaiser 3 years ago
Peanut butter and jelly in mine. Had to teach him vcr's have a special duet as dies the CD player.
#159
I have a hatred and fear of Lego blocks in the living room leaping under my bare feet in the early morning.
Final score:
4points
#160
I had no idea I could ruin someone's day by giving them the wrong spoon.
Final score:
4points
#161
I have had to tell someone to stop being mean to their cheese...
Final score:
4points
#162
I told you to go get your pajamas on and brush your teeth. I get to listen to a hissy fit for the next 30 minutes because obviously I have ruined your life.
Final score:
4points
#163
There are tissues in varying states of use in my left cargo shorts pocket at all times.
Final score:
3points
#164
My rearview mirror is adorned with a pacifier hanging from a lanyard
Final score:
3points
#165
I learned to love the burnt fries in an order.
Final score:
3points
#166
Constantly saying "I'm not a bank!" My kids are 29 and 21. Legos NEVER leave. 16 years of them in storage and I still occasionally find a stray!
Final score:
3points
#167
I know all the words to the Paw Patrol, PJ Mask, and Team Umizoomi theme songs. As well as all the characters names.
Final score:
3points
#168
Most days I end up carrying an extra 20-25 lbs around the house that's not even my own weight...
Final score:
3points
#169
I could spend all day cleaning but by bedtime it looks like a tornado went through my house..😮💨
Final score:
3points
#170
I have a large assortment of papers with what looks to be nothing but scribbles, sloppy random brush strokes. However I've been informed the are boats, the ocean, and any combination of things you could imagine
Final score:
3points
#171
My algorithm thinks I'm a gangsta rap listening, Roblox playing, jazz loving, challenge taking, hard working, trend dancing human being.
Final score:
3points
#172
I answer the question " why " over 500 times per day.
Final score:
3points
#173
My favorite phrases are "it starts with p, ends with an e, and is all manners" and "that doesn't go up your nose or in your mouth"
Final score:
3points
#174
I have found petrified chicken nuggets in and under the couch. I never have to worry about a burglar breaking in, because my floors are minefields, especially in the dark. Poop talk is a constant. I hide candy in empty tampon boxes. I eat candy in the bathroom. With the door locked. I have called out, 'You! With the face!' and they know who I am talking too. I yell, 'Stop Running in the House' 2,394,103 times a day. I once prided myself on my cooking. Now, everything I cook is 'Gross' unless premade and bought from the store. At least my husband and friends still like my cooking. But my confidence has taken a massive hit. When I go to the store alone, I check the back seat. Every doctor visit requires a trip to Dollar Tree afterwards. Laundry is NEVER ENDING. Never enough socks. Apparently, one can subsist on popsciles and ice alone.
Final score:
3points
#175
Was at a restaurant with a friend, tried something new. When she asked me how it was I said, "Oh, it's nummy num nums."
Final score:
3points
#176
Glitter everywhere. Chicken nuggets for dinner Why is this sticky?
Final score:
3points
#177
I have a formula that gets markers and crayons off walls.
Final score:
3points
#178
I crochet but I can't fit my work in the bag due to all the bandages liquid stitch and meds. Instead of hooks it's all colored pencils
Final score:
2points
#179
My husband just said “the floor is lava” instead of the “floor is yours” during a presentation
Final score:
2points
#180
Uh=truck, wa'a=water, ay=train, mirl=milk, ee=cheese or please, etc. Also currently looking for a minivan because in a few months there won't be any more room in our car.
Final score:
2points
#181
I sway back and forth usually humming a soothing tune when not at home and by myself I also tend to rock the shopping carriage back and forth humming or lightly singing, also by myself.
Final score:
2points
CMKL (Submission author) 3 years ago
I have an 'under construction' sign in the middle of my living room.
#182
Which one are you again? Out of 7 no one ever remembered my name (middle kid). I was called jack one day. The dogs name.
Final score:
2points
ButterflyMcQueen 3 years ago
I can relate to this. I'm only 1 of 4 and the only one who's name doesn't start with M. I'm the 3rd girl so I get called everything including my aunt's name (her name starts with M), my brother's name, and I share a middle name with my mom's favorite female chihuahua ☹
Karen Kaiser 3 years ago
1 of 2 but mom did this. Got called older sisters name, then what cha call it or that one.
#184
Sometimes I find myself quietly humming "I love you, you love me..." and have to force myself to stop.
Final score:
2points
#185
I have 2 refrigerators and a pantry all completely stocked with food. I am told multiple times a day that we "Never have anything to eat in this house!"
Final score:
2points
Karen Kaiser 3 years ago
Or they have nothing to wear especially my streaker who once the diapers went or stinky they keep going til it hits the floor then step out of it and keep going. I only know when hubby steps in it and bellows
#186
There is a happy face sticker on every doorknob in the house, and a big one on the inside of the toilet lid…
Final score:
2points
#187
Sleep? Ahh, I remember sleep. Many moons ago there was plenty of it to go around.
Final score:
2points
Lashonda Jones 3 years ago
NOW? NOT SO MUCH. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY OPEN YOUR EYE AT 6 IN THE MORNING ON SATURDAY TO SEE IF YOU'RE "AWAKE YET"
#188
When it's time to put away a toy (or some other object), said item is "sleepy/needs to go to it's home."
Final score:
2points
#189
"I have a tattoo!" He stood in the mirror and drew Pokémon on his chest in permanent marker.
Final score:
2points
#190
I yell, "get in the car!,". about the same amount as I yell, "get out of the car!" And yet... Still no one listens.
Final score:
2points
#191
wait.. Season 4 of Strangers Things came out?
Final score:
2points
#193
I know where to find mommy, daddy, brother and sister finger at any given time
Final score:
2points
#194
Toilet not flushing by finding a whole roll of toilet paper, a doll, and a about 15 wrappers for candy.
Final score:
2points
#195
Them on Monday "good weekend" Me "meh" Then "what did you get up to?" Me (desperately tries to thing of the most glamorous way of saying "survived while dreading Monday")
Final score:
2points
#196
I know the difference between Master C heif and Nathan Drake
Final score:
1point
Amberlie Mikelsen 3 years ago
That doesn't mean you're a parent, that just means you have a man-child living in your house; be it brother, significant other, or Dad
#197
I found a chunk of hair on the bathroom floor. Now to do shades check.
Final score:
1point
#200
On more than one occasion while pulling into the driveway I have said the words I know you have to pee but please do not pee in the backyard the kitchen doors 10 ft away
Final score:
1point
#201
i smell like puke or p**s.or puke and p**s
Final score:
1point
Karen Kaiser 3 years ago
Somebody made a comparison between toddlers and drunk college kids laughed myself silly.
#202
The school called........
Final score:
1point
#203
I was baking a cake around 11 pm. Then I decorated it with a picture of Neymar Jr.
Final score:
1point
#204
I know that I have too many towels for any reasonable place, let just say clumsy can be transferred
Final score:
1point
#205
I wake up at ungodly hours of morning to provide transport for younger humans to their activities. (They both can drive now and I still provide this service)
Final score:
1point
Krista Salerno (Submission author) 3 years ago
To clarify. This was a liocation where parking would have been costly (Comic Con) and difficult to find. 99.9% of their stuff they can drive to and from. But the rare case, I am happy to be the mom shuttle at 4am
#206
I eat the crust only sometimes lol
Final score:
1point
#207
That wasn’t candy…
Final score:
1point
#208
I know 8 birthdates by heart and often have to repeat them several times a day. Just imagine moving more than once with all the doctors, dentists, schools, insurance companies, emergency rooms...
Final score:
1point
Karen Kaiser 3 years ago
I know a lady talking to a doctor about her daughter only to realize the doctor she was talking to was the vet calling about the dog and didn't realize til 20 minutes into the call lol
#209
The list of nice things we will buy, and when we will refinish the floors gets longer and further away.
Final score:
1point
#210
I had to replace carpeting because it was painted with red fingernail polish.
Final score:
1point
#211
I have enough snacks on the back floor of my truck, for a week of camping
Final score:
1point
#212
Laundry is eternal...
Final score:
1point
#213
I find myself preforming the same household tasks (Picking up cups/plates/bowls/clothes/shoes etc) only to go back a couple of hours later to find "not mine's" cup/plate/bowl/clothes/shoes, etc have appeared.
Final score:
1point
#214
It's 1:45am. First shift completed. Clean and fed, down for the count.
Final score:
1point
#215
You never have any spoons or forks in the utensils drawer-- EVER!
Final score:
1point
#217
Let me get you a juice box. They're in my purse. Snack? Ok, got those in there too.
Final score:
1point
#218
I have no fear of poop, vomit, or pee. Also I can find the halflings.
Final score:
1point
#220
I have more Lego men than shower gels and shampoos in my shower
Final score:
1point
#221
I give kisses on chubby cheeks despite getting punched before 🤣
Final score:
1point
#225
Each time I see something prefixed with the word "baby" (e.g. baby carrots, baby leaf lettuce) the words/tune "do-do, do-do-do-do" automatically follows in my head.
Final score:
1point
#226
I have taken a pick axe to the side of my garden to create a "construction site" so that the excavators don't dig up my cucumbers. Every morning the house is clean, and two hours into the day I can't walk in a straight line. And I've had to ask why boogers are on the wall or smiley faces are drawn in poop on the sports car I don't get to use anymore in the garage.
Final score:
0points
#227
I can make pot of coffee with one hand.
Final score:
0points
#229
To say it like Downton Abby: Weekend? What's a weekend?
Final score:
0points
#230
I have 2 refrigerators and a pantry all completely stocked with food. I am told multiple times a day that we "Never have anything to eat in this house!"
Final score:
0points
#231
I just did my laundry and am so excited that I have clean nipple pads lol
Final score:
0points
#232
Annual mileage in my car - around 8000 miles. Percentage of those miles that are not actually 'Taxi-ing daughter around' - Probably around 10 % :)
Final score:
0points
#235
In my purse I have baby teeth that aren’t mine. The tooth fairy has to do something with them!
Final score:
0points
#239
While I was folding laundry, my youngest informed me that me put a lego up his bum. Why?! Because it was itchy. Afterwards, he proceeded to get upset when I wouldn’t let him keep said lego. Thank heavens it was a smooth one and not a big brick!
Final score:
0points
#241
I was given a new name at age 27, I share it with millions of other Americans, and whenever someone says it, a group of neurons in my brain lights up.
Final score:
0points
#242
I wake up every morning by at least six o'clock although I'd love to sleep at least til 8...
Final score:
0points
#243
When I open my handbag to get my purse I have to rummage through diapers, wipes, cookies, bottles, books, etc.
Final score:
0points
#245
About 19 years after I got married my grocery bill had a dramatic drop.
Final score:
0points
#246
1. I’ve been handed a nugget of poop 2. Every morning I have to ask someone if they put on underwear 3. I dine at a restaurant daily and eat pancakes out of a bowl 4. I am a master at silently opening food wrappers 5. I make ‘comfy spots’ nightly, but I never get to enjoy them 6. I own a pair of sound dampening ear plugs and haven’t been to a concert in 4 years 7. I hide in the bathroom 8. I haven’t uttered the words ‘I’m bored’ in 10 years 9. I get jumped on anytime I crouch to grab something from a low cabinet 10. Going to work feels like a break
Final score:
0points
#247
In the past year, I've learned how to make a peacock sound when it shows up in a book, and I can produce varying roars for tigers and lions, and different humming styles for bees, wasps, bumblebees and dragon flies. Because, of course, it's vital that they don't sound the same!
Final score:
0points
#248
Trying to "sleep in" past 5am means waking up repeatedly with a foot in your mouth.
Final score:
0points
#250
Me telling my cat : Elfo you can't lay there Elfo: looks at me as he lay down on the baby who is taking a nap. The baby: waaaaaa Me: wow real cool bro, now you put him to sleep. Elfo: falls asleep 😴 😩
Final score:
0points
#251
I can make a pot of coffee with one hand.
Final score:
-1point
What do you think ?
*Displayname*=idk 3 years ago
I'm not a parent I'm just the second oldest child, but yet I feel and can relate to every single one of these. 🤨
Samia Guled 3 years ago
me, being the middle child, is also the parent of my younger siblings ;-;
Load More Replies...
Marilyn Love 3 years ago
I'm a grandmother and haven't had more than 3 sips of any friut based drink since my youngest g child has learned to drink from a straw
Elaine Elder 3 years ago
I was pretty sure when you moved out we could stop having conversations through the bathroom door! Go away!
*Displayname*=idk 3 years ago
I'm not a parent I'm just the second oldest child, but yet I feel and can relate to every single one of these. 🤨
Samia Guled 3 years ago
me, being the middle child, is also the parent of my younger siblings ;-;
Load More Replies... Marilyn Love 3 years ago
I'm a grandmother and haven't had more than 3 sips of any friut based drink since my youngest g child has learned to drink from a straw
Elaine Elder 3 years ago
I was pretty sure when you moved out we could stop having conversations through the bathroom door! Go away!
Related on Bored Panda
