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Hey Pandas, AITA For Getting Upset With My Christian Friend?
(So, I asked this question already but didn't know how to post.)
(English is not my first language, so bear with me.)
My friend and I have known each other since 4th grade and have been practically inseparable that entire time. She was openly lesbian with Christian conservative parents, knowing she liked girls her entire life, and I having only just come out as bisexual 2 weeks ago. I'm an atheist and she used to have the same beliefs as me. But recently, she said she "saw the light" and has been a hardcore Christian ever since.
She started bringing a Bible to school, getting upset with anyone who cussed, and trying to convert people, even knowing they didn't share her beliefs. I tried to make her happy and listen a bit, but she could tell I had no interest and yelled at me to turn to God. She started ignoring our friend group, with whom she'd normally hang out around twice a week, and started a Bible group. I have nothing against her having a Bible group; she just keeps trying to get me to join (I told her no over 10 times).
She forces my boyfriend (he's also in our friend group) to read the Bible with her and tried to tell him the secrets I told her over the years, saying that if we're dating, the secrets must come out. I never yelled at her, but she's pushing my patience.
She always acts so entitled and treats people she used to hate better than her best friends. When I found out I was failing math, she laughed and immediately went to tell our mutual friend. When I called her on it, she said she didn't. I was sitting next to them. When my boyfriend and I started dating, she ran off and told our entire grade. Then she lied and said she only told 3 people when I literally saw her tell more.
She's now hardcore homophobic. When I made a joke about my boyfriend and another male friend having a gay relationship behind my back (they've known each other for 9 years and are like brothers), she turned to my boyfriend and said if it was true, he would not be allowed to stay in the Bible group. When I brought up valid points about how it's not a sin to be gay, she said to read the Bible then come back to argue. I'm this close to yelling at her, and then she said I was an AH for getting upset when I'm not even Christian. Most of my family is, though.
So, AITA?
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She is not acting like a true Christian here. A true Christian would try to be loving to everyone.
I agree with Salty Panda here. I'm not even christian, and I think that a kind atheist is closer to the Christian ideals of being kind and accepting to everyone
Religious Studies college professor here. If she only recently “saw the light” and is young enough to still be in school, it’s likely she’s not had time to study Christianity extensively enough to know exactly what it is all about. What she’s spouting off about is likely just a mutated version of what she’s heard other people say. Different denominations of Christianity have different beliefs. Most religious scholars reject the idea that Christianity expresses anti-homosexual rhetoric; however, scholars aren’t necessarily expressing the same thoughts as believers.
Sharing your secrets with others and claiming it’s a Christian trait is not supported textually. That’s just her being a jerk.
She sounds like a kid who is emulating someone else’s ideas of Christianity. Sadly, a lot of people claiming to be Christian are pretty awful at following Christian doctrine and behaving as Jesus instructed them to do. Me, I’m an atheist, but it does strike me as ironic how unChristlike so many modern Christians act.
NTA. Only people that push their beliefs or lack of beliefs onto other people are AH's in these situations, and need to expect a variety of responses. Your response was very mild compared to the kind I would displayed.
For me the larger concern is, have you asked your friend what made them 'See the light'?
Such a radical change is a cause for concern. They have likely been influenced by someone taking advantage of their vulnerability, or have had a self crisis and don't know how to deal with it. They may need professional help have don't even know it.
NTA, that's terrible. Just cut ties with her, she's obviously no longer your friend, hating who you are, and reporting in to others as if it's shameful. Now THAT, is "A" behavior. Also note to your BF: If he doesn't like the bible group, then leave, this post has proved that said group's leader is absolutely toxic.
I also forgot to say: You aren't pushing your beliefs on her, but she is on you, and others around you. She's telling everyone your secrets, and even believing a part of the bible that doesn't exist. You have people close to you that are better than the way she's acting now, even if you didn't, it's better to have no friends to be close with one that's the opposite.
You're in the clear, the biggest draw for me is the trying to convert others. When you force your religious beliefs on others, you don't care for them at all.
NTA. The world is full of non-believers and people who believe other religions, your friend must learn to deal with them in a mature and courteous way. What you describe is a rude, bordering on abusive behavior. Discussing a topic you're passionate about is fine. Monopolizing the conversation by refusing to speak about something else is rude. Yelling at people who disagree with you, making fun of their failures is childish and mean at best, abusive at worst. You have every right to set boundaries here.
everyone should have to believe what they want, as long as its not harmful.
its someone's own personal decision to have a religion or not, or which religion to choose, but they shouldn't become overly obsessed with it (like your "friend" here)
this person is not a friend, because she is overly pushy, can't keep secrets, and kinda manipulative
unfriend her plz. for your wellbeing
good luck
You're NTA, but while it's your choice and you'd be completely justified cutting her out, I wouldn't. It sounds like she was pressured and manipulated into 'seeing the light'. I obviously can't say that for certain, but based on her being a lesbian with hardcore Christian conservative parents, I'm wondering how she came to see this light. Maybe it's something not so nefarious like she wanted to please her parents. Whatever the reason, hiding who she is will take its toll and she might need a friend. I have a friend who's a lesbian and she went through something similar. Came out, saw the 'light', went back in the closet as a devoted Christian. It didn't last. Your friend is absolutely wrong for how she's behaving, but I don't think she's responsible if that makes any sense. If it were me I'd give her some space but still offer support. When (hopefully not if) she realizes hiding who she is is tearing her apart, be there to support her. She'll need it. Whether you decide to stick it out or cut ties, you have done nothing wrong. I truly hope for the best for both of you. I have a feeling your friend has a rough journey ahead of her.
It is valid that you are upset with your Christian friend because looking at it from what you have shared, she changed a lot from being openly lesbian to a becoming a conservative Christian.
But taking into consideration that you guys are still in school, I will assume you guys are still young and developing everything you know about life.
I believe it is good for you to keep that in mind that your friend is not perfect and you are too. We all sin and make mistakes. For sure, she is lost as well and confuse about her new belief. But she does not have the right to judge other people especially gay people.
I hope you don't let anger make your heart bitter. You sounds like a sweet person! and I wish you could make peace with your friend, but if you can't deal with her anymore it is good for you to distance yourself from her.
people being prone to mistakes is not an excuse for this sort of behavior. op does have a right to be angry. after all, its a natural human emotion. but ig i kinda agree on not letting the anger consume you
I sorta think I am tbh.
No you are not. Everyone is allowed to believe what they want but pushing your beliefs on other people is not OK. Your friend is also not being a good friend to you and that is something you are allowed to be mad at. She has been your friend for a while and now is treating you differently than before and that is not ok and you do not need to take it. If i was you I would talk to your friend group and see how they feel about the situation and her and reevaluate my friendship with her and if the group is on her side them too
NTA, for someone who claims to be Christian it sure looks like she hasn’t read the Bible
NTA; she drank the cool-aid and is just espousing a particular sub-culture she's been exposed to. I suggest you use quotes of Jesus directed towards her; I do this all the time in US and it really gets under their skin. Funny thing; I usually don't have this problem when I interact with people who actually follow all the stuff Jesus said in their bible.
This sounds like the movie Saved. Funny- I just watched it this afternoon. The people Jesus would have chosen as His followers are the ones that the "Christians" are chasing around constantly trying to "save" and have committed the sins that "Christians" say they are going to Hell for. The worst people in this movie are the ones running around praising God while being the most extreme hypocrites. It's a funny movie but it shows the hypocrisy of a lot of Christians. The way most Christians act today, they would have ended up being the ones crucifying Jesus.
She is the a*****e and not being Christian at all. Did she suddenly become a "hardcore Christian" the moment you came out as bisexual? Sounds like she is mirroring her conservative parents beliefs and deflecting them onto you. Did she come out to her parents? Maybe she is doing this to you so her parents will be proud of her and not suspect she is a lesbian. I have no f*****g clue actually because she sounds goddam insane. Seriously- watch that movie (starring Mandy Moore) cause it's hilarious and will give you a good laugh. Please find new friends. It's really hard letting go of childhood friendships but she is being horrible to you and is not your friend. She will only be destructive in your life.
nta. i don't think trying to convert someone to your religion is right or fair. and, she went from lesbian to homophobic? if you don't support someone, at least respect their choices!
A lot of newly saved are like this; they found the light and want to save the world. The same goes for the newly sober (NA and AA), new lodge members, etc. After a while they realize that they cannot change people who don't want to be change and some learn to accept that. I am a Christian and try to accept people as they are, offering support and prayers as needed
YTA. I instantly could tell the type of person you are when I read the first sentence. “So, I asked this question already but didn't know how to post” this is the type of attention grabbing behavior that ruins friendships. I don’t need any more information. Shame on you.
