30 Harsh Facts About Having Kids That Many Aren’t Even Aware Of, Shared By Disillusioned Parents
The statement that raising kids is the most difficult job in the world isn't just empty words. According to a study by the Pew Research Center, the majority of parents (62%) say that it has been at least somewhat harder than they expected, with about a quarter (26%) saying it's been a lot harder.
Part of the reason for this might be that people often highlight the joyful and fulfilling moments with their children while glossing over the relentless challenges and sacrifices they make day in and day out. So when one Redditor asked everyone else on the platform to share the harsh realities of having kids, they received plenty of eye-opening replies.
This post may include affiliate links.
That your kid doesn't owe you anything. They never asked to be born and you didn't do them a favor by bringing them here. You going through pregnancy and raising a baby and feeding and clothing them? That's your responsibility and not a favor.
My mother thinks it is a favor, unfortunately. "I do hope you and your sister will help me when I'm old, what else do you have children for?" she said to me once. I don't know mom, it doesn't speak for itself.
The breeders I had likely never grasped nor admitted the reality of why I cut off contact.
Load More Replies...This sense of entitlement on the part of offspring bothers me. There doesn't seem to be any acknowledgment that most parents go far beyond the necessities of life and put making opportunities for their children to the forefront.
You’ll be sad and miss the child who is gone as they age. Because of how much they change and grow, for the first several years they’re basically a new person every 6 months and you’ll miss who they were. For example, my son is nearly 7 and I sometimes miss my 2 year old, who was super cute and I loved dearly, but will never ever see again.
You love who they are as they grow, but there’s a palpable sadness that comes along with it, too.
If you want something that needs nurturing, feeding, cleaning up after, and constant attention for its entire life, get a dog. Half the joy of parenthood is that they do grow from being these helpless little homunculi into independent, strong and capable men and women of whom you can be proud.
Of course it‘s a joy to see them grow, but it can be sad, too. Feeling don‘t exclude each other!
Load More Replies...This is completely true. You as a parent, also forget so much about what they were like at a certain age. More than you realize. That's why I also tell 'new' parents how important it is to capture beautiful moments on film or video as much as possible, so you can watch them again later.
And write things down! Special moments, milestones, their first words, but also cute or strange things they said! Only if you want of course, but you will forget more than you know, if you don‘t.
Load More Replies...I love seeing the person my son is growing into, but I gotta say, Monday is going to be hard because it's the last day of Elementary school for him, going into middle school next year. I am not ready for a middle schooler
This was explained in a kind of beautiful way in Modern Family. "You know, it's...thing about babies you...you fall in love with a baby with the cutest little fat folds, and then...bam...they're gone. But it's okay, because in its place is this...toddler with the greatest laugh on Earth. And then one day, the toddler's gone, and in its place, a little kid that asks the most interesting questions you've ever heard. And this keeps going on like that, but you never get the chance to miss any of them, 'cause there's always a new kid to take the place of the old. Until they grow up. And then...in a moment, all those kids you fell in love with walk out the door at the same time."
As adults we are really good at pretending we are the same person we were yesterday.
I don't feel that way at alll, to me every stage is exiting, good or bad and i never long for how they were.
My daughter told us she want to go to uni my heart sank my baby is a grown young lady now who I may add very proud of but it made me realise my little baby girl is really gone
My oldest kids are 13, 10, and 9 this year. . however we had a surprise baby in February 2024 and let me say this .. I don't think I've ever missed or craved anything as much as I do for my older kids when I see my infant baby reach a milestone. 13, 10, and 9 years blow by so damn quick
Wow I have 4 and don't feel this way at all. I enjoy seeing them become who they are, choices they make, learning and growing. Two of mine are adults and two elementary age. I think it is quite sad to always miss what you had and not enjoy who they are now
Ik heb dat echt nooit zo ervaren, ik mis niks van wat achter ons ligt, wel vind ik alle nieuwe dingen altijd weer spannend en leuk, ook als het niet zo goed gaat .
Sometimes your kids grow up and develop personalities that you don't like or that are incompatible with your own.
Most people won't admit, or talk about this one. My (43F) oldest child (21F) and I have a relationship like this. We love each other, but I don't think either one of us likes each other. It goes both ways. We value different things, and really just don't know how to relate to each other. But we love each other, so we keep trying. I'm hoping that the older she gets the more we will find a way to relate.
I have that relationship with my mother too. I love her and would do anything for her but I dislike her. She is kind and honest lady but way too honest by revealing secret that could ruin her own child's reputation + she always want to win in every argument.
Load More Replies...THIS. My parents had to change their whole parenting style for me. I just did not think/work like my older siblings. I'm so grateful that my parents put in the work to connect with me but sometimes our personalities still rub.
My wife and I wonder about this. We've talked about how we're looking forward to sharing our experiences with our daughter (we both love sports, Star Wars and watching movies), but we're also prepared (as we can be, at least) for her not to be like us at all, both in terms of interests and personality.
You might not be attached to that child right away, maybe even for a while after, AND THAT IS OKAY. It is so completely okay to not know how to sort all that right away.
I had my first last year. I come from a long line of stoic women who show very little emotion even doing the most nurturing task. I was of course excited to finally be having kids, but when I paced around 41wks pregnant I felt no motherly bond. My body was doing something it was designed to do and I was along for the ride. When they layed her on my chest I reacted as they instructed me, that's all I had.
For the first month of her life I didn't feel that connection, and with waking every hour and a half for feeding plus seeing how it was stressing my partner out (who is not a night owl, and I am not an early bird) I too went into that stoic autopilot. My brain said "child needs x, provide x". I didn't even know what to call her! I'd be staring at this brand new little human and saying her name sounded too formal, but not addressing her before talking felt odd. My brain was slowly learning how to categorize all this.
Around week 6 (and after sleep was a bit better, waking every maybe 4 hours instead of 2?) I think that motherly instinct came around. Suddenly I could tell her different cries apart, and when I'd have conversation with her I found I'd sprinkle smiles and bounces in, it was great. I finally felt a small sparkle of mommy love. She's 8mos now and hell on wheels with her standing and scooting everywhere, haha. Now I know all about her and love her to pieces.
Ah, I was afraid I was born without motherly instinct, but it's clear to me now I was wrong. I can tell different meows apart, and when I have interactions with my cats, I find myself smiling.
Mine was somewhere in the 3rd month, a night feed, I remember it was dim but not dark, I remember looking down at him as I paced around and there was just this...shift.... suddenly, yes, he was my bunny and of course I loved him! ❤️
This is true. I feel the bond so much more once they start following you with their eyes, smiling at you, and cooing with you. When they're first born they're almost inanimate objects that just require parental duty to keep alive.
I gave you an upvote for the onion you threw at me - my son used to say that to me when he was little "you make my heart happy". Now he says "can I get $20 and the car keys?"
Load More Replies...I went through that when my son was born. I was a zombie for months after my son was born. I'm a single mom, so it was all on me, and I didn't sleep for months after he came home. I didn't feel any kind of connection with him until he was around 4 months old, and my PPD was better, and I was sleeping again. I felt like the worst person in the world, cuz I just didn't feel it.. now he's my whole world, and I couldn't love him more if I tried, but that was a tough 4 or 5 months..
Babies aren't born with manuals. Come to think of it, neither are parents.
That there are going to be some days you'll wish you didn't have children.
Yes, it happens. No, you're not a terrible parent. That s**t is hard.
Also, you will yell at your children. Nobody is going to tell me they never ever yelled at their child.
Well there's a difference between yelling "Stop, car!" And constantly belittling and scaring someone. Roger9er meant the former one.
Load More Replies...Sometimes I let her know she's being a little jerk but we smile and laugh about it cuz she knows. Lol.
Load More Replies...All i think I why didn't had my children WAY before when I was younger and happy, instead of waiting to "accomplish" every kind of worthless milestone... Now i really feel old and have zero energy to rise my children... which is my deepest regret... And of course my own fault for waiting too long
I kept looking for the one that matched the experience every single parent I know has had. That the tidy, dust-free, spotless home turns into a chaotic mess unless the parents obsess about cleaning. All. The. Time. They used to marvel at how I had white cloth covered furniture that was, well, white. Even if the rest of the place was cluttered with books, tech kit, music, etc.
Louder for the parents (both mom and dad who can't hear) in the back.... My kids are 13y,10y,8, and 3mo.... Some days are worst or better than others. I love all my kids but that'll never change the above.
The amount of time you spend standing around waiting, at parks, playgrounds, to get out the door, into the car etc etc. I totally underestimated that.
I don't think I ever consciously thought about this one, but it's SO TRUE! My son (15) - bless him; he's amazing - offered to help me with dinner by chopping up five small orange bell peppers. In the same time it took him to do this, I chopped cilantro, an onion, two green peppers, five tomatoes, took the corn off three cobs, turned this into a salad (waiting for the orange peppers my son was working on), fried the fish we were having with dinner, and did all the dishes. But hey, he made one of the peppers into a cute jack o'lantern and stole the phone so he could take pics. I love my son, and he was helping, so I don't mind. But the waiting... So. Much. Waiting.
Load More Replies...You'd think they'd be quick getting ready or if they can't dress themselves letting you help them if they were the ones wanting to go to a certain place but nope not at all somehow takes them longer and by the time you're ready to go your too tired to do anything but the kid is still full of energy still...
Children will (and should) say things that will hurt your feelings and p**s you off. Now, that's not to say they should be allowed to do so without any type of consequence, but this is a vital part of their growing and learning to become their own human.
The hard part is that you, as the adult, have to figure out how to navigate this without taking it personally, losing your s**t, and turning into a tyrant. You also have to learn when and how to address it, and when and how to let it go.
It's a really tough balancing act, especially if you have a child who is neurodivergent and struggles with impulse and emotional control.
Yes, balance is very important. Please be fair, but also be careful.
And each child is different, so what works for A may not work for B. And you may parent different than your partner. My hubby did great with B, but A was a mystery to him, she is neurodivergent. I have no issues with A, she makes sense to me, but B was a very competitive, still is, and he likes to win, which has never been a driver for me, but I love him!!
I amazes me how many people hold kids to a higher standard. Examples; kids aren't allow to throw fits, or cry or have to share their toys. Kids are human. Humans will get angry, they will cry, they will throw "fits". Kids should be taught it is ok to say no to hugs when they don't want to be touched. I used to live with a friends mom., who was like another grandma to my son, and she would get mad at him when he didn't want to hug her. I would always have to remind her, he is allowed to say no. Also, the sharing thing is stupid. Yes, kids should be taught it is nice to share, but also, that you don't have to share. Adults aren't forced to share if they don't want to.
In Germany it is quite common that parents tech their child that they don‘t have to share.
Load More Replies...Honestly: don‘t think you are a bad person/ parent, if you DO take it personally at first and loose your temper! Just realize that your reaction might not have been ok. Be a human. Calm down, put yourself back together, go to your child and apologize! Then you can talk rationally and calmly. Tell them they hurt your feelings, but it‘s ok. You forgive them, you understand them, or if you don‘t understand, then tel them tat! Let them explain. LISTEN to them! They are humans too. They make mistakes, just like you. But they should be safe to make those mistakes with you! Be the person you want them to be. Be the role model. This does not mean that you must be perfect. On the contrary. Show them that imperfection is normal and ok. Just know when you made a mistake and own up to it! Even with your kids! Life will be easier
Yes, yes, yes. Our children are allowed to have emotions, including being pissed at my wife and I. How they express those emotions is what matters. If they got it right 100% of the time, I'd have nothing to teach them. It's ok that my kids screw up. We correct the screw up for sure, but they do it, we deal with it, and we move on.
This is so true , my son is autistic among other things and it makes for a bloody hard life at times
Blijven zoeken, kijken en leren, ook of vooral over jezelf.
Lots of good answers here already. So I’ll try to toss out a slightly different one. I call it the “black mirror” I feel like kids learn way more from watching you exist than from you teaching them. And sometimes I will see my older son speak a certain way to his brother or me. Or do a certain thing. And it’s like watching my bad habits or faults manifest in another being. In the best of times it makes me want to be a better person. But also I am human and I have faults. And I get tired or stressed or hungry or whatever like anyone else.
The mirroring is one of the biggest ones for me. I often call my children little mirrors. They do what they see. And they see me and their dad. The good the bad and the ugly. Nothing motivates me more to become a better person than seeing my children mirror my bad habits or behaviour.
This is my biggest fear. I am terrified that I will become like my mother.
I'm not a mental health professional, but it's a good bet that since you're aware of it, and actively don't want to become like your mother, you won't.
Load More Replies...Not sure if this quite fits the question, but somethings I think about how much of a misnomer it is to say “having a baby”. That part is so brief, and also not at all the point. We’re not setting out to create a baby, but to create an adult. That’s the whole journey, and the most important part is helping a brand new kid—>adult with their whole psychological framing of everything, empathy, respect, patience, discipline, ambition, self esteem. Babies are kind of the easy part.
This should be much higher. The most important job of a parent is to raise their child to be a happy, healthy, well adjusted, independent adult. Of course some of that can be beyond the parent's power, but still work toward it.
Yes. Creating a functional and thriving adult is the purpose of every parent. It's not keeping them safe. It's not getting them through school. It's not making them pretty. Those can be components, but they are not the point. And when you reframe it as creating a functional adult, aspects like "keeping them safe" looks different. It goes from a don't-talk-to-strangers thing, to a how-to-talk-to-strangers thing. And that is SO important.
Load More Replies...And this is why I didn’t have children. I could do the baby part, but the creating an adult bit, I would have screwed that up so badly.
You have a family, you have a person, a baby is a small moment in time.
Time goes so much faster. And not just because you're watching them grow up and change but just because every task with a kid takes SO LONG.
Time really does fly. I look at my son, who will be 20 later this year, and I can still almost feel his little hand in mine when we walked together. I am absolutely proud of the kind, funny young man he's become, but I do miss holding that sweet little boy. It's bittersweet.
It has now taken my daughter approximately 16 years to get ready for school in the morning.
Seems like just yesterday I was carrying my kids around like NFL Footballs... Now my kids are grown with kids of their own! The only difference is that now I can hand them back😂
You're unrealistically hopeful if you think your child will turn out how you want them to.
It is harder than juggling chainsaws to find a balance between being lenient enough to gain your child's respect, but strict enough that they learn to conduct themselves appropriately, be considerate of people other than themselves, and become decent humans.
You should have kids if you passionately want to, from the bottom of your heart. Not because 'it's what people do'. Not because your partner wants them. Not because your parents want grandchildren.
That other people will never '*get it*' until they have one of their own. It's almost hilarious. "Oh, I will do x,y and z when we have our kid!" "How hard can THAT be?" "MY baby won't etc..." Then, when they actually do have a child, how it all goes out the f*****g window. Oh, and having a pet is *NOTHING* like having a kid. It just is not. You're pet isn't going to end up on heroin, or drive drunk, or join a cult.
"Oh, and having a pet is *NOTHING* like having a kid. It just is not." I know, that's why I have pets and not kids.
For a start you can leave the pets for a few hours on their own you do that with a baby and you will be in BIG TROUBLE
Load More Replies...The biggest problem, as I see it, is parents aren't proactive with their kids. It's easy to set limits with your kids if you do it right at the start, whether you think they need them or not. But most parents wait until the kid is already acting out and being a total brat before they think to do something about it. And then it's ten times as hard.
Yup! First sign of behavior, needs to be corrected and consistency, consistency in expectations.
Load More Replies...but having a pet 1st helps you to get used to having constantly deal with yuck and excrements
True, pets are/can be way easier to raise than children and certainly way cheaper than children. However, pets and children both Depend on parents/humans for care.
Eh, I get this but it seems so smug to me. I personally still don't do a whole lot I said I wouldn't. I saw first hand what doing those sort of things did to the kids and I know my values/expectations. My child got the tablet still younger than I meant to. But, that's about it so far. Never ever will be used in public spaces where experiences are meant to be experienced. Never.
There are things I thought I valued that I ended up not caring about (like being an all-natural, organic parent, or the screen time thing, or being valedictorian). But nothing I maintained as a value has been lost (adventurous eater, well-mannered, creative, participates in school). The key is the evolution of my values, not a failure of my expectations.
Load More Replies...Yep. We were all about cloth diapers before the birth. Bought a new washing machine, a sht load (pun intended) of cloth nappies, etc. After she was born we used them for about one week before saying "well, f uck this!". So much on our plate and doing laundry EVERY DAY was the first thing to go. (We both worked full time, opposite hours.)
Sometime even new parents don't "Get It". I laugh every time I hear someone say, "I can't wait until they turn 18." Not to mention today children are living at home longer. Even when my oldest moved out while still in high school, I never stopped trying to keep my eye on him to make sure he was doing OK. If anything, it made it harder. Then they continue to grow and learn life wasn't so bad at home. :) Fast forward another 18 years and you are still the one to help out when needed for advice or even assistance with life. It's a lifelong commitment.
Think about how many times you use the bathroom. You probably poo once a day and pee 5 times per day.
Double that number. That's how many diapers you have to change **EVERY . SINGLE . DAY** for a newborn child.
Babies also don't stand still. They like to move around and wiggle. You aren't qualified when you can put a diaper on a doll. You are qualified when you can do it on a feral bobcat.
I have 9 younger siblings, so I believe I am uniquely qualified for parenthood.
I'm sorry to get hung up on this, but... are there domesticated bobcats?
Changing diapers by far isn't the worst thing of having a baby. The crying is way worse because it's not only the most annoying sound in the world but also you know the little one needs your help or has pain but you don't always know exactly how to help them. Sometimes they just cry for hours and all you can do is rocking them gently and suffer along
Don't forget the part about always covering baby boys as quickly as possible when changing diapers, or prepare for there to be a fountain.
And those little hosers don't miss! 😂🤣
Load More Replies...AND something that's NEVER mentioned when you have girls- yes, they can pee on you like boys do. My older daughter nailed me in the chest from a distance of about 1.5-2 feet. Yes, I measured it while laughing like a loon. Then I HAD to call my husband at work to share what she'd done. He told most of his co-workers. The usual reaction was " and she's a girl? Wow!!!"
"That's how many diapers you have to change" ... 😂 more than that number per day. 1 poo and 5 pees? Triple that - Per Child - Per day - for the first 2 years (minimum) and diapers aren't cheap... Price of diapers in 1990's: (USD) $6.98 per 40 count pack Present Day: $45 per 140 count pack for newborn size* *As Diaper size increase, the pack count will decrease*
Your mourn each stage they grow out of. Then you celebrate the new stage. It’s an going cycle of mourning and then celebrating.
You celebrate them crawling, then you realise that they’re not always going to crawl to you. You celebrate them going to school, then it hits you that you don’t have a baby anymore.
And one day she sits in your lap for the last time, and you don't know it's the last time.
Load More Replies...
Get a second fridge and watch your food bill soar. All your bills will soar. And right when all the bills are paid they will break something, need a hospital visit, or an event is coming up, or fate finds a way to siphon more money out of you.
And don't forget food prices have also gone up because of the various catastrophic climate change related disasters that have decimated rice, wheat, orange and other crops.
That any mental health or neurodivergent issues the parent has are going to be exacerbated x 100. That you will almost constantly feel like a f**k-up, either with regards to raising the child, to effectively handling the non-kid parts of your life.
This needs to be higher! Nobody ever seems to talk about postpartum depression
Not just postpartum. I've seen way too many people that think their mental health is going to magically be "fixed" if they have a kid.
Load More Replies...
Say goodbye to your disposable income and sleeping through the night.
Mommas: it‘s likely that your body will never go back to being able to have a nice deep sleep. You will be instantly awake if a pin drops for the rest of your life.
Thankfully i've been sleeping through the night after weaning my youngest. Now it's my husband who likes to interrupt my sleeping schedule
Weekends spent in your car waiting for your offspring to complete various activities.
Other parents.. this is WHY some of us prefer to wait in the car... Preferably with tinted windows so no other parent would force to "socialize"
Load More Replies...
That you go from your home to the office to relax, as opposed to the other way around.
I love working from the office on Friday. It's a work from home day for everyone, so my side is completely empty. Which, for me, is just relax in the chair, kick my feet up, and listen to some tunes without anyone bugging me.
I used to use grocery shopping as my relaxing time, especially spending time in the Safeway library (the book/magazine section). For years, the checkers would ask "is that your book or ours" when I checked out because I always had a book with me. Sometimes it was theirs and sometimes it was mine. I was always glad they asked because I did forget a couple of times that I hadn't come to the store with that particular book (but only accidently took one home once).
The number of men that complain to a sahm that they need to relax when they get home. Let them stay at home for two weeks, leaving him a daily to do list and they won't say anymore
The love is so strong you wonder how your heart can hold it and knowing you would take a bullet, run into a burning building or do anything for them but also have many moments (often in the same day) when you think your head will explode from your internal screams of "I hate being a mother!".
There's nothing like that feeling of your heart overflowing with the love you get from WANTING to put someone else first.
I would never hate being a Mom 🌸💗 I just hate when my head feels like it's gonna explode 🤣
I think it best to say your own personal experience means you have screamed internally about hating being a Mother. Not everyone feels like that. That's a sweeping statement.
It's a very common feeling though - and one we should be talking about more openly. Parenting is fing hard. We can love our children AND hate the role. And perhaps not all the time, but I think every parent has at least had moments when they have hated being a parent. I and every single one of my friends has expressed this at one stage or another.
Load More Replies...There is no one single way to parent that is universally right. All children are individuals and even within the same family each requires their own approach to everything. Also for future parents prepare yourself to feel Constant doubt about every decision and action you take with your kids forever. .
The most terrible thing about being a mum is that I have very visual nightmares about my children having accidents or dying. It creeps me out since my first was born and I don't know how to stop it
I actually saw a therapist about this when my kiddo was young. She said they were called invasive thoughts (think “call of the void”) and that it was just your protective instinct going into hyper drive. They are terribly disturbing though. My neighbor was getting rid of an old tree and I had a day dream/nightmare about me chucking my baby into the wood chipper. The most frequent were the images of my throwing my kid over the railing any time we were somewhere high up. My therapist said as long as these images / dreams fill you with bad feelings it’s ok. If they fill you with feelings of relief or happiness that’s a huge red flag. Still terrible to deal with, and seeing a therapist could be greatly beneficial for you. Depending on how old your child is and where you live it may be covered under your insurance as part of your post-partum care. Just know that this can be a normal thing, it likely will get better, and that you are absolutely not alone.
Load More Replies...Je kinderen overtuigen dat je ze niet het zelfde kan behandelen door andere noden is een hele ingewikkelde. Ze krijgen hun ding als het nodig is. Dat geld natuurlijk niet voor geld of kado's, dat ligt grlijk.
If you truly care about your kids, the feeling of guilt is a daily experience.
Studies have been done with results showing that the top emotion felt by parents is guilt.
I don't agree with this. Do I wish I had done some things better/differently. Yes. Did I apologize to my child for f*****g it up? Yes. Have I learnt from those experiences and subsequently DO do better/differently. Also yes. We are human. We make mistakes. If we TRULY CARE about our kids we dont just wallow in guilt. We acknowledge our failures. We grow. We do better.
Wishful Thinking, that this is, what parents in general really are.
Load More Replies...
How much they cost! I don’t have kids, but most of my friends do, and all I hear about is how they’re always broke because little Johnny did this and tiny Sarah ate a bee and that’s how they found out she’s allergic.. and I’m over here like, nah, I’ll just have a cat.
Even if you take medical bills out of the equation because you don‘t live in the US, children need so much stuff! And sometimes you just want to give them that stuff (like for example a kid does not NEED a bike but you want them to have one). Even if you get stuff second hand etc
As a Dutch person I got to say, a child does need a bike. At least over here. Many get to school by bike or to soccer practice or their friends or the grocery shop.
Load More Replies...In the UK she would be treated for free for bee eating the cat on the other hand will cost £900 for bee eating and don't ask how I know that 🐈 🐝 🥩 🏥 💰 😭
Load More Replies...Cats can be the same... I have 6 and 3 got sick (with different things) in the same month. One just needed tests and medications; one needed surgery; and one was in ICU at the emergency vet clinic for several days, needed multiple tests, medications and follow-ups... we spent $10,000 in one month on vet bills. [To add fuel to the fire, our son who is our one and only human child, wrecked both my car then his in a two week timespan... of the same month...]
That little kids get sick often as they are building up their immunity systems especially if they go to childcare or preschool. If your child is sick you have to stay home with them and miss work.
Put my twins in daycare when they were 2.5 years old. Two weeks later, they're both super sick, for 2 weeks long. Still had to pay for their "spots" at the daycare even though we were home for those 2 weeks. Also fun when big sis got the illness from them, then both of us parents got sick also. 5 sick people, over Christmas. The good news is now at 8 years old, they're rarely sick!
are you tired of the rotavirus he brought? Well good, cause heres another one (this stops after some age tho)
Your own flaws show up and you need to show at least a way to fix them. And school starts at eight. So the alarm goes at 5:55 ….
Want to do something quickly? you can't. you now have another human to care for/think about for a very long time, even after they turn 18.
There is a short person that insists on holding my hand when I use the toilet. Nobody explained the absolute lack of privacy you'll have.
That cats did not talk, also need to pee, need a snack and then refuse to go back to bed, lol
Load More Replies...Here is something I saw a long time ago that should help with this problem: "I may be about to make myself terribly unpopular, but any time a woman cites never peeing by herself as one of the things she puts up with because She's A Mother, my default reaction is: congratulations on your self-imposed martyrdom, now what the hell is wrong with you? Solitary urination requires the following process: Go into the bathroom. Close the door. Pee. Why is this a problem for you? If they whine, or even cry, well... that's what small children do to try and get what they want, and sometimes being a parent means saying no anyway. If you're not going to insist they let you *pee* in peace, where exactly are you going to draw the boundary between "mother" and "doormat"?"
You are not their friend growing up. You are there to guide, curb and direct to make good choices on their own, have a compassionate backbone. These choices have to be age, intellectual, and emotionally appropriate. You are more experienced than your children but your perceptions of reality as a adult may be inappropriate based on their maturity. Be cautious of overburdening them with your vices or personal baggage.
That's what my father-in-law does, the latter. He complains to my wife and her sister - and does the same when I and/or my brother-in-law are present. He complains about his own wife, their mother to them, and they hate it. He shows up unannounced, without calling first, and then starts whining. He is therefore regularly sent away by them.
Children don't need a servant or a boss - but it's hard to not be either sometimes
Realizing that a “vacation” is now just listening to your kids fight, having to buy expensive food they won’t eat, and not sleeping for a couple of weeks a year.
There are moments when you feel like they’re enjoying things and building core memories, allowing you to feel the joy of having those experiences with them.
But in the end you’re just doing the same child care in a more expensive place
Idk about that. We spend all day together doing fun things as a family. Everybody can eat whatever they want, the kid is hungry from all the activity and will eat more with less complaints. Bedtime doesn't matter, nobody has to get up early and the kid goes to sleep when she is tired. Everybody is in their best sunshine vacation mood. I love vacationing with my family!
Good for you bc my daughter will absolutely stand in front of a huge Italian buffet and declare that she doesn't like anything (and she really won't eat anything). Also I do need some downtime in a day so bedtime is still a thing, otherwise I will have people talking to me for every waking hour which does NOT fit my idea of a vacation.
Load More Replies...Can't agree at all. We've always had fun vacations, even when the kids were little. Days spent out doing something fun, evenings playing board games. We even once rented a home in our own city for a long weekend because it had a pool and a pool table. We had a blast vacationing in our own town.
I love vacationing with my children. Most of the time we visit my Mom for 3 weeks and go on daily walks around her town to different playgrounds or into the woods… ocacionally we drive to the beach or to a public pool or the zoo or something. Last year we were there in September and went mushroom gathering and to a corn labyrinth. It was great. We had finally time for each other.
I actually enjoy just giving them fun and showing them the world and stuff
There is a difference between vacation and family trip. OP described a family trip and vacation should require no work or children
We camped. A lot. So ours was "like at home with more dirt, more bugs, and sleeping bags."
Yup. “Vacation” at home: three more eating plans a day, 8 hours more telling “no” an “be careful”, 8 hours more to come up with games, playing, reading, walking slowly, not eating or sitting down; three times more laundry… “Vacation” at grandparents: like at home but two more adult-babies to look after and maybe a couple of kids more as well. “Vacation” in some other location: like at home minus laundry.
Why would you buy expensive food, when they don´t like it? Why would your children keep you awake all the time? Do they not play outside and get tired? Is this different from home? And yes, vacation with kids ( not FROM kids) obviously means caring for them as well and probably more hours in the day than at home. Where they are in daycare or school for a big part of the day and others take care of them. Maybe that´s the problem here. Some friends of mine that both work and have their children taken care of in school from 08:00 to 15:00/16:00 got their first reality checks, when they spent their first longer vacations with their children 24/7 in their care alone, without grandparents, (kindergarten-)teachers or babysitters.
Being a parent is like being an NCO (Non-Commissioned Officer) Your job: Teach, mentor, and train. Your goal: Make them better than you at everything so they can be better for their turn.
Actually believing your child when they say they’re scared. Sure, you *say* you‘ll believe them, but I’ve seen SO many mothers having their children come up to them, scared about something and they just say “oh it’s just your imagination” or “don’t be silly, ____ doesn’t exist”. Sure, they might be talking about say, monsters in their closets or being scared of the neighbours dog, but that doesn’t mean you should Just brush it aside. Say your child is scared of the dark, and they bring it up with you. should you brush it off as an irrational fear, or should you actually comfort and help them?
A lot of people seem to think that parenting just ends once the kid turns 18, which is not true at all.
i believe it does end. you take a more passive, supporting role as caretaker, no longer an active duty parent.
You will almost certainly have a favorite child. This is normal. You at certain times will almost certainly regret having them. This is normal as well. Your children will often times seem uninterested and unthankful for you, especially before they mature into adults. This is normal as well. Depending on your situation, having children will limit your life style and likely delay your retirement. Your children will almost assuredly not be as successful, bright, or an all around good person as you would have hoped for. This is basically a certainty and does not necessarily reflect on you as a parent.
I have favorite situational children. It's like with any independent human. If I want to cuddle and read a book or watch a cute movie I go to my youngest. If I want to go on a physical activity, my son. And if I want to people watch and joke on how annoying everything is--my middle is so ready to be petty. (In a fun way). Trying to mix it up ends up everyone miserable.
I can say with full certainty that neither me nor my sibling was the 'favourite child'.
Never having privacy or solitude again for the rest of your life. Also children are in your thoughts 24/7 for the rest of your life, always there and always conscious of what they are doing. Even as adults mothers especially cannot forget anything about their children.
I disagree with this one. My child is young, and knows to leave Mummy alone in the bathroom. We discussed "privacy" with him, he shuts the door when we he goes to the toilet - we don't barge in because.. privacy. Sometimes I take him out so Daddy can have some Daddy time. You can generally teach your kids this, just talk to them.
Do you plan on living with your children until you die? And even if you would, privacy is a human need that does not mandatorily require an own house. It is very important to learn about having privacy and allowing/respecting others, when you grow. Sounds a bit like a "helicopter-parental" attitude and I hope it is not meant this way. On the other hand that could lead to a brutal touchdown of your parenthood, when they grow up and claim their privacy, or at the worst get to "No contact" (even if temporarily) from you, to build their own personalities.
The boredom if you are your child’s only playmate. Yeah you can be inventive and engaged a lot of the time but there will be long periods when they want to do the same thing over and over and over again and it’s so f*****g boring.
Children need to learn how to handle being bored too. Life has lots of boring times
You *will* make mistakes. Theres no avoiding it. It doesn’t matter how many parenting books you read, or how many kids you raise, you will screw up. When that happens, you need to own it. You have to accept the mistake and improve, and if that mistake is big enough to cause a rift in your relationship, you need to accept that too, because trying to force a close relationship will only widen that rift.
That's why I'm not sure I want them. My parents made a frankly inexcusable amount of mistakes. I don't trust that I will be better.
There is nothing wrong at all with not wanting kids. But I just wanted to say that you can do better. My parents were abusive and I'm no contact with either of them. But I've also raised three kids. I just resolved to be the parent I always wished I'd had. I'm not perfect. I've certainly made mistakes. But I have a close relationship with all of my kids. And they all say they had happy childhoods. It is possible to break the cycle. My brother was able to break it too. He has great relationships with his kids.
Load More Replies...
You can only be as happy as your unhappiest child. Your well-being is intrinsically tied to your children's.
This is often true in reverse as well. When my mother was unhappy (which was most of the time), I would always end up feeling the same.
Getting up at 6 in the morning even on weekends with very awake kids full of energy.
Wait till they are teens. You will need horses to drag them out of bed before noon.
How it can be very very boring. Sitting dead still trying to get the baby to sleep, listening to long rambling stories without any point, teaching them for the 10th time that they can sit down on the loo with their pants around their ankles and this makes the 'pulling pants up' job much easier, reminding "what do you say?" When giving them something, you know what I'm bored just writing these out.
The worst was having to read their favorite book so much. I felt physically ill after the 100th time of reading "The Nutcracker" and "Eloise"
My grandpa recorded him and my grandma reading my favorite stories.. all with voices and sound effects.. so the only thing I had to do was tapping the play button...app the times i wanted to. Everybody happy
Load More Replies...How absolutely exhausting and mind altering it is to no longer own your time. That is the main thing I couldn’t fully comprehend until I was in the thick of it. The process felt like dying and being reborn into a different self. And the grieving steps rang true as well. Denial, anger, acceptance, all that. Living every day to prioritize someone other than self is a LOT heavier in action than in words. Some people are more naturally inclined for it, I found out I was not, but wanted to be. So it’s been an intense growing process for me. Also, feeding them is more intense than you can imagine before having them. 3 meals, at least 2 snacks every single day. Again, in words it might not sound like much, but in action it is A LOT.
There are so many. One of the major sacrifices is freedom and independence. Gone are the days when you can just do something. Now, everything needs intricate planning. People can downplay this aspect of parenthood, but it's very much a reality that surprisingly new parents overlook.
Problem is, nobody told the parents this, which is why we have cranky, crying kids out at all hours of the day and night.
No one ever talks about how truly HARD the postpartum period can be for mama, even with an uncomplicated, full term delivery. Healing is a painful process. Postpartum anxiety and postpartum depression are real things. The sheer exhaustion is indescribable. Hormones suddenly change. Breastfeeding has many challenges. All of this is going on while you have this helpless little person depending on you. And, at least in my case, I was so concerned about taking care of everyone else that I had forgotten all about taking any sort of care for myself. Still trying to fix this mentality years later. You can't pour from an empty cup. You don't cease to exist when you become a parent. You still matter. Priorities may change, but taking care of yourself so you can take care of your family should still make the list.
See, this is what I mean. We have beaucoup parents on here telling people what it's like to be a parent. Yet the people who want to be parents will totally ignore it, then complain that "nobody told us it would be this hard!" People, before you have kids, do your research! It's not that difficult.
You can be busy all day but have nothing to show for it. It's incredibly difficult to get extra things done when you have kids. It can be frustrating to feel like you're standing still, when all you're doing is running around.
The fact that when you have a kid, you sign up for an autistic one. You sign up for a disabled one. A chronically ill one. You are not somehow devoid of flaw because you did the bare minimum in keeping the child you selfishly brought into the world alive for as long as they need you.
Ugh. This hurts. I'm neurodivergent and chronically ill--did I make my parents suffer because of it?
unlikely. you are right here, online, with no other obvious issues. you turned out fine and your parents are happy because of it.
Load More Replies...Autism is not a disability. Please stop talking about autistic people like we are worse than the rest of society. I am so sick of neurotypicals
Autism, where I live, is considered a serious disability . That being so, people who are autistic are eligible for various kinds of support, ranging from income to medical and behavioural support and support of parents. If it wasn't considered a serious disability, people with autism and their families would not be eligible for this support. Whether someone with a disability is 'less' than someone without one is not a medical matter, but a moral one.
Load More Replies...When you have more than one kid, you have to realize they are not the same type of person as their sibling. Each kid is going to require a different parenting style and that can be really frustrating and hard to figure out. You're also learning how to be a parent the way you see fit. I'm growing as a person, just like my kids. And that is a hard thing to do. This is my first time existing in this reality, too. I'm trying to do my best.
What works in raising one child does not always apply to the other and how you where raised as a child does not always work for raising your children. Which is fine as long as you adjust to find what does work and don't resort to violence because you can't be bothered to think.
Your life changes completely from one day to the other. You no longer can go out by yourself and if you do no matter who's taking care of your baby or how close they are to you, the worry and anxiety of "how is my baby" is always there. You no longer know what being not anxious is. Even when you try to go out and have fun you have the guilt inside of "I have a kid I should be with them instead of here" You no longer can do anything by yourself. When they're babies pretty much your life only works around your babies naps so you no longer can watch your show and relax, or cook and relax, in general there's no more "Relaxing" in your life.
That´s why it is a privilege to have a choice and to really think about it well. Many women (men as well) do not have this choice or do not weigh the consequences good enough. Always remember, that bringing a human being into this world ( that YOU already know and are accustomed too), is a decision that you make for yourself and not for your child. With all the consequences and responsibilities on your side of the scale and no right to demand anything back. If you do good, the reward is coming naturally, but never have a child for YOUR convenience or retirement provision.
I don't and will never have children, but I haven't experienced what being not anxious is for my whole life.
Than you may have made a good and right decision for yourself. You could still be a cool "Aunt" or "Uncle". And I wish you all the best to overcome being anxious ( even if a little).
Load More Replies...You can’t make them want you in their lives. I went through an ugly divorce, and am happy to say I’ve salvaged a good relationship with my 2 oldest, but it does not appear I will with the third. Fingers crossed
Less about being a parent but more about actually having the kid. I feel like I was generally prepared for the ups and downs of parenting.
People talk about the how uncomfortable pregnancy is and the pain of childbirth. Well known, I was prepared for that, I had an epidural so it actually wasn’t that bad at all.
But I think I heard way less about how f****d up your body feels after giving birth. Like, yeah, obviously you aren’t going to feel great, but it really just caught me off guard. I felt the worst I’ve felt in my life for weeks and weeks afterward. I was super swollen for like a week. I had minor tears but it was still f*****g miserable. It was hard to use the bathroom. It was hard to lie down to sleep. I couldn’t get comfortable anywhere. I just felt off, my body felt wrong and then you are having to take care of a little baby on top of it all! My body just hurt. It sucked.
I wasn't ready for birth. Baby was out and doc told me to push. I was so confused. I literally said "my baby is over there" and then the nurse just pushed on my stomach. Afterbirth. I knew the word but was so confused.
It's a 24/7 job no days off on top of your regular job and house work yard work ect and your tired af all the time and drinking makes it worse.
You will never ever have another day in your entire life where you don't think about this new person. At first, you think/worry/stress about how to keep the little human alive. Then you think/worry/stress over how to make the little human thrive. Then you think/worry/stress how to keep another human happy, fulfilled, educated, kind, giving, healthy. And on it goes.
How loud and messy kids are. If I didn't have dogs to eat all the random stuff my kids threw on the floor I would have just burnt my house down. If you're a person with testicles how often your child will hit them on accident. That your child is counting on you.
You will experience emotions with such intensity. You get to watch this little being, completely helpless and reliant on you, grow into a little human. It makes the world so much smaller and bigger at the same time. You end up comparing how you were raised with how you treat your kids. You may find wounds that you didn’t know were there.
Young children don't have much sense of logic and it can be infuriating. You'll repeat yourself over and over until they either somewhat grasp a concept or completely ignore you anyway in favor of impulse. You will always have someone judging you no matter what you do. Especially when your child is acting out in public (which is inevitable). Even more so if your child has a disability of some kind. You can love your child, but not like certain phases or developments. You'll have ups and downs no matter what stage and the unwarranted fear mongering ("just you wait until X age, they're worse!") from other people just makes it worse. We are currently having a big shift in the US of what parenting looks like and having better boundaries as people. Parents are often more overwhelmed because they're actually involved with their kids and don't usually have much help from family, if at all. They're also doing a lot better about keeping their kids safe from toxic family members, which is extremely taxing in itself. It's unbelievable how often it's the grandparents who are the ones who can't handle basic respect or get straight up dangerous in their own self righteousness.
Yeah kids don't do logic. When I was young I though putting my finger in a light socket and turning on the power would make it swell up and give light like in cartoons. I remember doing that once. That was the second time I did it. At least I learned in two turns.
Being constantly grabbed, scratched in the face with little sharp a*s nails.
Little nails need to be trimmed, so they don't scratch themselves and you!
You find out who your friends really are.
You mean the ones you dumped because they got tired of you never talking about anything except diapers, blowouts, and feedings. Or because you always canceled get-togethers at the last minute because of your kid. Or because you want to haul your kid around everywhere and friends get tired of screaming, kicking babies and toddlers.
I think it’s common that people hear “say goodbye to your intimate life once you have kids” But I don’t think people realise that a woman’s body experiences different hormones during postpartum.
Estrogen dips and there’s also an evolutionary reason for it.. It’s basically her body’s natural way of ensuring that she takes the time to properly heal and focus on caring for the baby instead of on trying to have another one.
Then add in breastfeeding and the release of oxytocin (The love hormone) which helps us bond with our babies. It in effect replaces any desires we may have.
Goodbye Libido!
If you are lucky enough to go see a friend on a Friday or Saturday night, you have to go home at midnight or earlier because at 6:45 AM your two year old is going to wake up and it's go time. There's bottles or food and coffee and breakfast and laundry and vacuuming and all the other s**t you need to do to keep the house habitable. The crazy thing is it's worth it. You can't wait to see them.
My coworker has 3 kids, she is constantly telling me not to have kids because they are a drain on her bank account. She also never has free time after work or on weekends.
Yeah, you'd think she would have figured this out with the first one. "Hey, babies cost a mint of money and leave me no time for myself. Solution? Have two more."
Load More Replies...The inflation on college tuition is bananas. Sure, there are loans and community college feeder programs, but when that kid gets into their dream school on a too small scholarship, you sell the house to make it work for them. Ugh.
That could be fixed ( in the long run ) with renovating your social system. In many countries a good education does not mean, that you have to have rich parents or end up with debts to your ears. It´s not that way in many countries. Go fix this. Education is a human right and neccessity. Not something that you have to pay s**itloads of tons of money for. And the richest are not always the most intelligent people. Which means, that you, your economy and your society might be ruled by wealthy, stupid people.
That would be great, but people have been trying. It's not helpful to tell people to "go fix" society when they share their stories.
Load More Replies...That ur kids could grow up to be f****d up no matter how u raise them. That u become unhappier while raising kids. That u could actually regret having them. Everyone wants a Brian who went to USC with full scholarship and became a doctor instead of a Chuck who became a meth addict. And when ppl think about having kids, the possibility their kids could come out physically/mentally disabled, and something super negative just dont enter their minds. Which would u rather have: regretting having kids or regretting not having kids?
I'd rather regret not having kids. I don't need more lives to f**k up along with my own.
On a lighter note, no one ever tells you that babies fart. A lot.
Having kids is hard in a marriage/relationship. Don’t have kids with someone if you are not at a good place in your relationship. Don’t think having a kid will fix the problems. You will still have problems but you have a kid in the midst of them. You will have less time with your partner the first year or 2. That child is going to need all your attention. If you and partner break up they will still part of your life forever if you share a kid. Make sure you have it with someone you can at least get along with.
Kids are selfish. You want to sleep in, pssh, forget about it, they’re waking your a*s up at whatever time they feel like it. They’re 100% wide awake and ready to start some b******t. They need you for everything! Your house will never be clean again. They’re c**k blockers. They’re demanding.
And they’re the best thing that’ll ever happen to you.
It all comes down to self control and buddha like patience when you want to beat the s**t out of your kid (you will want to at some point).
Yeah, I take serious issue with this one. It's bull$hit. I've experienced frustration, exhaustion, and even anger, but never, EVER did I want to harm my child.
Load More Replies...Parenting is hard, but if it's a constant struggle not to beat your child, the child isn't the problem.
It is hard to comment on this one. I was lucky to grow up in a safe household. But my father has confessed that when my brother was a very young and spirited child he did have the occasional moment when he wanted to harm my brother because he didn't have the knowledge in how to solve the problem. He only knew how to raise children from how he was raised. But he never laid a hand on us. He would take a deep breath, say "We will talk about this later" and would take a walk to cool down and think. After that he would have a talk with my brother to find out why my brother would act how he acts so my father could find better ways to raise my brother that would never involve violence or threats. So I do get where sometimes frustration gets the better of a person, but a good person would realize it is because they don't know how to raise that child. That they need to find a new way and grow as a parent. And not beat the child into compliance.
Parenting is hard. But I've never once regretted or hated having kids. I have also never found it boring. Boring is the last word I'd use to describe parenting. This list just makes me sad. I also never felt like I gave up my life or freedom. I just folded the kids into my life. I've still always done the thing I've enjoyed doing. I still pursued goals. The kids never slowed any of that down. They just became a part of it. People have such a negative view of parenting and of their own kids. We really do need to normalize NOT having kids. People shouldn't do it because of pressure, or because it's what your supposed to do. It's okay to not have kids. Society would be better off if people who don't actually want kids didn't have them. Then maybe all this negativity around parenthood wouldn't exist.
I understand where you're coming from with this. I have one thing to say to any aspiring/already parents: DO NOT take your negative feelings out on your children! Every cruel word and bruise is something we will never forget.
Way to put more pressure on poor new parents who are already unsure about what they are doing wrong. It is not that bad. Kids learn to understand that parents are people. Apologize if you did something wrong and validate their feelings, that is important. You definitely WILL screw up at some point.
Load More Replies...In other words, parenting is just as difficult and demanding as it was for your parents. How rewarding it turns out to be is up to you (somewhat).
One thing I think many people don't realize is that every single experience your child has teaches them something. Every trip to the grocery store, every show they see, every book, every conversation they are in or observe, every single thing is teaching them SOMETHING (good or bad). I recognized that from the get-go, and although I wouldn't call myself any kind of natural parent (and I'm autistic and clueless), I think always having that in my mind helped make up for deficits in other areas and kept me from making many more bad decisions than I did.
What a terrible post. Soooo much negativity on BP at the moment…I am going to take a long break from it. Time is too precious.
But that's the point of the post. It's about the "harsh realities"
Load More Replies...Apologies make a world of difference to a child. My dad always worked hard to keep his temper in check when it came to us, but here and there he'd slip up. Nobody could blame him, he was a single parent, working his a*s off to provide for two kids. He was tired and in constant pain, and dealing with more stress than I can ever imagine. So yeah, sometimes he snapped at us. Sometimes he said something that really hurt our feelings. But every single time, without fail, he would come back around and apologize. "I'm sorry kiddo, I shouldnt have said that, I'm stressed over x,y, or z, but that isn't your fault and you didn't deserve that" this alone has left me with more respect for my father than anyone else in my family. We have an incredibly close relationship and looking back I dont think I can recall anything he said when upset, just the apologies that followed. It's okay to snap at your kids sometimes, it happens. Just apologize and work on it. The rest can be forgiven.
I think some type of persons should really think twice before having a child. If you are introvert or have OCDs it can be a challenge. It can become a nightmare at some point. I have an OCD that I like to start something without being interrupted, and now this is my life even after 14 years. It drives me mad. I realised that I cannot start anything without being interrupted at least several times. Whatever I do, even if I resist, it's the drama that will follow that is worse than the interruption. It's not only the child, it's the whole parenting/ household logistic. Also I need sleep, sleep deprivation affects me deeply. This is probably why some parents lose it, it's just constantly being on the edge due to lack of sleep. And I don't know what is worse, a single mom like me or still with the father. Most of my female friends also do parenting for their husbands. It's the mental load that kills me.
Unbeknownst to you as a parent, a time will come that you'll lift/pick your child up for the last time,
At some point I went to a rheumatologist because of chronic pain which came out as due to the constant lifting, so I am glad to be out of that. My wrists were so sore and my back, too. But my son and I hug a lot so that's fine.
Load More Replies...I've been on the fence about kids for years. And I've never found anyone to convince me it's a good thing lol. You can list all the pros, but it seems like there's more to lose with having a child than not.
I think if you need convincing to have children, then you're probably not ready. As a woman, you'll feel the pressure to get married and have kids, but that's absolutely NOT the only path to a happy and fulfilling life. I'm married and have a child, and that has been truly wonderful for me. My dear friend has never married nor had any children, and that has been truly wonderful for her. Don't let the expectations of society forge your path for you.
Load More Replies...The one I saw before I clicked into the page here, was the parent not being attached to their child and that is ok???? BABIES AND CHILDREN NEED THAT LOVE, IT IS PART OF BEING ABLE TO GROW AS A HUMAN BEING, and I never got that love from my parents.
Parenting is hard. But I've never once regretted or hated having kids. I have also never found it boring. Boring is the last word I'd use to describe parenting. This list just makes me sad. I also never felt like I gave up my life or freedom. I just folded the kids into my life. I've still always done the thing I've enjoyed doing. I still pursued goals. The kids never slowed any of that down. They just became a part of it. People have such a negative view of parenting and of their own kids. We really do need to normalize NOT having kids. People shouldn't do it because of pressure, or because it's what your supposed to do. It's okay to not have kids. Society would be better off if people who don't actually want kids didn't have them. Then maybe all this negativity around parenthood wouldn't exist.
I understand where you're coming from with this. I have one thing to say to any aspiring/already parents: DO NOT take your negative feelings out on your children! Every cruel word and bruise is something we will never forget.
Way to put more pressure on poor new parents who are already unsure about what they are doing wrong. It is not that bad. Kids learn to understand that parents are people. Apologize if you did something wrong and validate their feelings, that is important. You definitely WILL screw up at some point.
Load More Replies...In other words, parenting is just as difficult and demanding as it was for your parents. How rewarding it turns out to be is up to you (somewhat).
One thing I think many people don't realize is that every single experience your child has teaches them something. Every trip to the grocery store, every show they see, every book, every conversation they are in or observe, every single thing is teaching them SOMETHING (good or bad). I recognized that from the get-go, and although I wouldn't call myself any kind of natural parent (and I'm autistic and clueless), I think always having that in my mind helped make up for deficits in other areas and kept me from making many more bad decisions than I did.
What a terrible post. Soooo much negativity on BP at the moment…I am going to take a long break from it. Time is too precious.
But that's the point of the post. It's about the "harsh realities"
Load More Replies...Apologies make a world of difference to a child. My dad always worked hard to keep his temper in check when it came to us, but here and there he'd slip up. Nobody could blame him, he was a single parent, working his a*s off to provide for two kids. He was tired and in constant pain, and dealing with more stress than I can ever imagine. So yeah, sometimes he snapped at us. Sometimes he said something that really hurt our feelings. But every single time, without fail, he would come back around and apologize. "I'm sorry kiddo, I shouldnt have said that, I'm stressed over x,y, or z, but that isn't your fault and you didn't deserve that" this alone has left me with more respect for my father than anyone else in my family. We have an incredibly close relationship and looking back I dont think I can recall anything he said when upset, just the apologies that followed. It's okay to snap at your kids sometimes, it happens. Just apologize and work on it. The rest can be forgiven.
I think some type of persons should really think twice before having a child. If you are introvert or have OCDs it can be a challenge. It can become a nightmare at some point. I have an OCD that I like to start something without being interrupted, and now this is my life even after 14 years. It drives me mad. I realised that I cannot start anything without being interrupted at least several times. Whatever I do, even if I resist, it's the drama that will follow that is worse than the interruption. It's not only the child, it's the whole parenting/ household logistic. Also I need sleep, sleep deprivation affects me deeply. This is probably why some parents lose it, it's just constantly being on the edge due to lack of sleep. And I don't know what is worse, a single mom like me or still with the father. Most of my female friends also do parenting for their husbands. It's the mental load that kills me.
Unbeknownst to you as a parent, a time will come that you'll lift/pick your child up for the last time,
At some point I went to a rheumatologist because of chronic pain which came out as due to the constant lifting, so I am glad to be out of that. My wrists were so sore and my back, too. But my son and I hug a lot so that's fine.
Load More Replies...I've been on the fence about kids for years. And I've never found anyone to convince me it's a good thing lol. You can list all the pros, but it seems like there's more to lose with having a child than not.
I think if you need convincing to have children, then you're probably not ready. As a woman, you'll feel the pressure to get married and have kids, but that's absolutely NOT the only path to a happy and fulfilling life. I'm married and have a child, and that has been truly wonderful for me. My dear friend has never married nor had any children, and that has been truly wonderful for her. Don't let the expectations of society forge your path for you.
Load More Replies...The one I saw before I clicked into the page here, was the parent not being attached to their child and that is ok???? BABIES AND CHILDREN NEED THAT LOVE, IT IS PART OF BEING ABLE TO GROW AS A HUMAN BEING, and I never got that love from my parents.
