Guy “Ruins Ex-Girlfriend’s Life” By Telling Everyone The Real Reason They Broke Up
People break up for lots of reasons: infidelity, incompatibility, long distances. Keeping a healthy relationship going is a lot of work, and couples who have been together for a long time undoubtedly see each other in many not-so-dignified situations.
Unfortunately, this man found himself in a relationship where his girlfriend wouldn’t have been ready for the “in sickness and in health” part. When he injured his leg, she claimed to be unable to continue the relationship because she no longer saw him as a man. She then lied to their friends that the decision to break up was mutual and got mad when he told them the truth. Confused about whether he was the bad guy in this situation, the boyfriend sought opinions from the Internet folk.
Breaking up with a person right after they break their leg can be pretty heartless
Image credits: karrastock (not the actual photo)
But lying to mutual friends about the reason for the breakup might be even more insulting
Image credits: Yosi Prihantoro (not the actual photo)
Image credits: MyGFSexist
Gender stereotypes hurt men more than we’d like to admit
In much of online discourse, sexism only exists towards women. In reality, men can fall victim to gender stereotyping just as often as women. This story is a prime example of that: the girlfriend telling her boyfriend she can no longer see him “as a man” is a pretty sexist thing to say. Scratch that, that’s a really sexist thing to say.
Stereotypes like “men don’t cry” and that they’re “sissies” or “wimps” if they do are hurtful not only on a personal but on a societal level as well. In essence, it doesn’t allow men to express their feelings or reach out for help if they have mental health problems. In the U.S., for example, men are four times more likely to take their own life than women.
Gender Equality Law Center writes that these kinds of stereotypes “can cause us [to be] disoriented in our perceptions.” Those who stray from the established gender norms risk discrimination and unequal treatment.
Society penalizes men for being vulnerable or reaching out for help. Studies show that when male leaders show weakness or ask for help they’re seen as less competent and perceived as being of lower status.
Image credits: Mojtaba Ravanbakhsh (not the actual photo)
Crying and showing weakness in other ways shouldn’t make a person any less of a man
The “boys don’t cry” stereotype is perhaps the most harmful. It damages men’s self-worth and belittles their self-image. Fiona Forman, MSc in applied positive psychology, told The Irish Times that, sadly, this stereotype still persists.
“Although this view of masculinity is thankfully changing, it is still hard to shake off the entrenched cultural values that we have all absorbed. In some ways, we may feel we are protecting boys from the judgements of others and preparing them for the so-called ‘real world’ by telling them not to cry from a young age.”
“If we tell boys not to cry, they may begin to suppress, avoid or shut down these emotions, as they are not encouraged to express them.” What happens when boys and men suppress those feelings? In the long term, they might be unable to manage these emotions and, perhaps, even unable to form close, honest, and open relationships.
In reality, crying is a very healthy expression of sadness or disappointment. A healthy stream of tears can detoxify your body, help you self-soothe, dull pain by releasing oxytocin, and restore emotional balance. A good sobbing session might even improve your mood, as you’re taking in quick breaths of cool air, which regulates and lowers the temperature of your brain.
Image credits: Tom Pumford (not the actual photo)
There is no one definition of what it means to be a man
Princeton University writes that most men don’t agree with what “being a real man” means. They do, however, learn to adjust their behavior to what they’re taught is the right way for them to act during childhood.
Harry’s and University College London (UCL) surveyed 5,000 American men in 2018 and asked them what values they aspired to. The majority named honesty as the characteristic they’d like to have. Athleticism and adventurousness were the least desirable.
52% of the respondents said that mental health for them is “very important.” This possibly marks a shift in how men understand what it means to be “a man.”
“American men understand the importance of their mental health, even above physical health. They are ready to talk, and they want to improve their happiness,” the report’s conclusion claims.
And that’s evident when we listen to what modern men have to say about masculinity. In 2020, The Guardian did their The State Of Men series, where they asked their readers hard questions about modern masculinity. The project demonstrates how differently men understand what it means to be a man and how there is no one right answer.
“Masculinity is about the one who protects and who provides. The one who opens jars, climbs ladders, kills bugs and defends his family with his own life,” reader Ali Vonal from the US told The Guardian.
However, others understood masculinity in less rigid terms. “I think the main challenge for men today is the difficulty that comes with shedding old-fashioned ideas of masculinity,” another reader from the UK, Matt, wrote. “I think it’s so difficult for men today to retrain their brains and behaviours, because so many of us are brought up to act a certain way.”
“‘Masculinity’ should disappear from our lexicon. We should be thinking in terms of becoming human beings,” Ric Doringo from the US wrote. “I encourage [my son] to nurture those parts of him he thinks are most important, and to always be OK with himself. Frankly, I want the exact same thing for my daughter.”
Image credits: Christian Erfurt (not the actual photo)
The boyfriend gave a bit more context in the comments
But the general consensus was still NTA
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
You May Also Like
Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk
Do you think childless individuals should be expected to chip in for group babysitting costs during friend gatherings?
17 Y.O. Is Done Sharing Her Birthday With Her Late Twin, Parents Are Not Having It
Do you think the girl should be allowed to celebrate her birthday without the remembrance of her deceased twin?
Holy shít. She was already TA for breaking up over a fixable injury (that was in the process of being fixed! ), but lying to everyone and using the whole "real men don't cry" just reinforced it. If she's so into traditional gender roles, then she can bend over backwards and do everything it is to nurse him back to help, and not leave him because it's her "duty". Seems to me like her idea of gender roles only applies to men, which means she can shove her stupid stereotypes up her áss.
exactly, nail on the head. F*****g hate this gender role c**p.
Load More Replies...
Ooooooof no thank you to Stacy. The "men don't cry" BS is so so damaging to men anyway, and breaking a BONE hurts like holy hell. Menfolk, if you're reading this - remember Stacy is the arsehole here. Crying is healthy.
This poor guy's father has done him no favors by feeding him the bull$hit that it's not okay for men to cry. When is this nonsense going to die out? It's not helping anyone. Anyway, this young man has his life ahead of him, and can hopefully find someone who has a better character than this woman.
He would have a hard time finding someone who has a worse character.
Load More Replies... so NTA!! I just want to add: OP's height, and the fact that he's into sports and goes to the gym is totally irrelevant to this story. Apparently even he had to revert to some gender stereotypes for reassurance.
if it was a 26 year old man with a 19 year old woman everyone would be outraged. she had no business being with a teenager.
I noticed that as well. Only one commenter in the original post brought that up.
Load More Replies...
This sounds like more than "Real man" c**p. Stacy was dating a literal teenager. When she saw him in pain, vulnerable, and then asking her to take care of him, I think she saw him as a teenager, someone who was not yet fully mentally and emotionally mature. He's still just a kid. 19 to 26 is a big gap, and she thought "I don't want to be the caretaker while he finishes growing up, and works out how to adult." Instead of confronting her own "ick, he's a teenager, what was I thinking?" she blamed him for being "Unmanly". She's still an a*****e, I just think there are additional levels of a*****e to uncover. NTA for truthing about her to your mutual friends.
Well if he is not fully mentally and emotionally mature, then what is she? Mentally and emotionally mature includes taking care of your partner and carrying more than your half of the load in those (short) periods where he/she cannot help themself and be selfsufficient for one reason or another. Life can be tough, and it will knock everyone down from time to time -that is hard to avoid. When it happens, you, as a couple, should make the best of the situation and work toghether on how to get things back up and running. Fleeing the first time things gets just a bit difficult, because you realise that your partner is just a human and has some of the "flaws" that comes with that, is just childish and immature. ...and how does breaking a leg make you less of a grown-up? It happens to people of all ages.
Load More Replies... I cry OFTEN in front of my partner and she is ok with it and is nice to me when I am distressed or have an ASD meltdown.
This girl is a total b***h. I'd be more than willing to help my fiance in anyway he needs me would he break his leg. Stacy's looking for a mannequin that looks cool, not a boyfriend.
Who deserves to have sand kicked in her face. Constantly.
Load More Replies...
The age difference isn't comfortable. I know some couples make it work, but the fact that she won't allow him emotions and is demanding he "act like a man" and then lies about leaving him shows a dangerous power imbalance. He's best off without her.
Honestly seems like she was trying to groom him into something he didn't want to be.
Load More Replies...
Men better cry. If they don't, they'll get grumpy or even aggressive, passive or even depressed, or they'll get physically sick from the stress that doesn't get a release. None of that is more 'manly' than not crying ever. Pain hits (either physical or emotional) and the body reacts. Some cry, some faint, some go completely numb. It is more; that which you do and how you treat people around you after that first trauma hit, what makes you a real man or not.
That first part is not necessarily true. Crying doesn't prevent grumpiness or aggressive behaviour. Or physical sickness either.
Load More Replies...
Guys are allowed to cry. And her age she seems self centered to think you weren't in pain. Good riddance. Can't wait til she has a kid an feels pain.
I hope that she does not have a kid, and in case she does, I can only hope that it is not a boy. Her idea of what a man is, and the values that she will install in him, will probably end up doing a lot more harm than good.
Load More Replies...
my ex husband left me cause i had cancer, i found out a day before Christmas eve, and on Christmas he told me he was leave cause he didn't want the hurt of me "dieing and leaving him" I was pissed, told him, how do you think i feel? i was the one with the actual cancer! and if he left and i got better, we were not going to get back together, a year later I'm clear and cancer free, {it was gone before i got bad and only needed 4 chemo trips so never lost my hair or anything} and he comes back and asks if ill take him back, he had a new bf but was trying to "be with me too" cause he "missed me" i need up messing his bf about how he was trying to get with me again, and about what he did about me getting cancer {apparently he told his new "bf" that i broke up cause i didn't want him to worry about losing me, when it was actually him that abandoned me, we even had a kid, so yeah all of that hurt, thank fully our kid was too young
We all deal with physical pain differently. Especially if you're a younger person who's never experienced that much. A good couple needs to be good friends. Doesn't sound like this young woman knows what that means.
Wow I drove 670 km by train when my then boyfriend broke his leg in the middle of winter. To him on a saturday, back again the next day, as I had to work. Only to bring him some clothes from his flat to the hospital.
Any nearly 30 year old female dating a teenager is already as sus as sus can get.
It's bad enough that men grow up hearing they are not allowed to cry. It's worse when their mates offer no support and expect them to suck it up for the rest of their lives. Hasn't anyone learned from the Kelce brothers that men do cry, it is ok to cry, etc. Such a toxic woman. I hope he finds someone much more supportive!
This is just grose a 26y old with a 19y old... nah at that age the gap is too big.
I'm grossed out by the age difference. She was dating a child, what does she expect? No shame to him, as a guy myself I see no problems in crying but age maturity is a real thing and grown a*s adults should stay away from teens
LMAO!! So NTA at all, does she expect Superman in a boyfriend or something? 😄 Truly hope she doesn't break her leg or have a baby. It'll give her a huge dose of reality in the world of pain.
She truely have some screwed perspective when it comes to what being a man includes/should be -She lives in a fairytale and not the real world. I'll say that she is in for a tough time when she opts out that easily, as she will never be able to build a stable relationship . It sounds like she has ideals that no mere human will ever be able to meet, but that she is too stupid to figure this out.... and if you can't bear that people find out what you did, then maybe don't do it. Twisting the truth to hide your own s****y behavior, and then blaming the guy you dumped for not being willing to go down with the ship that you sank, is naïve at best, and evil at worst. In some sense I think it was good that it ended this way. The sooner you find out that she is in the group of people who are not worth collecting around you, the better, as you will loose less precious time that way. However I still feel sorry for him for getting the experience of having to deal with her in the first place.
I feel sorry for the guy she marries. She’ll end up in divorce court if he cries at the birth of their children.
“You a*****e! Why didn’t you lie to make me look good, and not a shallow twat?! Now everyone’s gonna know what kind of person I am because of you!” 🙄🙄🙄
Can confirm breaking a leg hurts - I've done both of mine. Crying is a completely normal response to that level of pain. Only reason I didn't was adrenaline and shock the first time and sheer searing rage the second because I was so angry at myself for doing it again. It's a net win for that guy though since it got rid of the shallow cow.
In the days after my sister passe away my BIL wept often and apologised for doing so. We tried to explain to him, that grief is natural in such a situation, and no apology was needed, but I am not sure it helped him. The "Men don't cry" was too deeply embedded, and it was so sad because it caused even more pain to him.
What a true and disgusting garbage person she is. Start to finish. It hurts like crazy. But she did him a huge favor not wasting more of his time. But my perspective is different. I was in a motorcycle accident about 4 months after I met my fiance. Worst was my absolutely destroyed right arm.. what did she do? Spent 4 weeks moved in with me to help and never once mocked me for the pain or physical therapy struggles.
Recommend poster and others wondering about men and vulnerability listen to Brene Brown. Link is a clip from an longer talk that is worth getting, but this is a good intro. https://www.tiktok.com/@theycallmeogshannon/video/7178889072289828142?lang=en So often it is the same women that want a man to be unflappable and un-needy, and are frustrated and frightened by toxic masculinity, that then are frustrated or angered that their men never open up and share their emotions, or struggle to be empathetic to her when she is unable to empathetic to him. A healthy man should be able to share his dreams and his pains with those close to him, and needs people around him that will listen and care.
Holy shít. She was already TA for breaking up over a fixable injury (that was in the process of being fixed! ), but lying to everyone and using the whole "real men don't cry" just reinforced it. If she's so into traditional gender roles, then she can bend over backwards and do everything it is to nurse him back to help, and not leave him because it's her "duty". Seems to me like her idea of gender roles only applies to men, which means she can shove her stupid stereotypes up her áss.
exactly, nail on the head. F*****g hate this gender role c**p.
Load More Replies... Ooooooof no thank you to Stacy. The "men don't cry" BS is so so damaging to men anyway, and breaking a BONE hurts like holy hell. Menfolk, if you're reading this - remember Stacy is the arsehole here. Crying is healthy.
This poor guy's father has done him no favors by feeding him the bull$hit that it's not okay for men to cry. When is this nonsense going to die out? It's not helping anyone. Anyway, this young man has his life ahead of him, and can hopefully find someone who has a better character than this woman.
He would have a hard time finding someone who has a worse character.
Load More Replies... so NTA!! I just want to add: OP's height, and the fact that he's into sports and goes to the gym is totally irrelevant to this story. Apparently even he had to revert to some gender stereotypes for reassurance.
if it was a 26 year old man with a 19 year old woman everyone would be outraged. she had no business being with a teenager.
I noticed that as well. Only one commenter in the original post brought that up.
Load More Replies... This sounds like more than "Real man" c**p. Stacy was dating a literal teenager. When she saw him in pain, vulnerable, and then asking her to take care of him, I think she saw him as a teenager, someone who was not yet fully mentally and emotionally mature. He's still just a kid. 19 to 26 is a big gap, and she thought "I don't want to be the caretaker while he finishes growing up, and works out how to adult." Instead of confronting her own "ick, he's a teenager, what was I thinking?" she blamed him for being "Unmanly". She's still an a*****e, I just think there are additional levels of a*****e to uncover. NTA for truthing about her to your mutual friends.
Well if he is not fully mentally and emotionally mature, then what is she? Mentally and emotionally mature includes taking care of your partner and carrying more than your half of the load in those (short) periods where he/she cannot help themself and be selfsufficient for one reason or another. Life can be tough, and it will knock everyone down from time to time -that is hard to avoid. When it happens, you, as a couple, should make the best of the situation and work toghether on how to get things back up and running. Fleeing the first time things gets just a bit difficult, because you realise that your partner is just a human and has some of the "flaws" that comes with that, is just childish and immature. ...and how does breaking a leg make you less of a grown-up? It happens to people of all ages.
Load More Replies... I cry OFTEN in front of my partner and she is ok with it and is nice to me when I am distressed or have an ASD meltdown.
This girl is a total b***h. I'd be more than willing to help my fiance in anyway he needs me would he break his leg. Stacy's looking for a mannequin that looks cool, not a boyfriend.
Who deserves to have sand kicked in her face. Constantly.
Load More Replies... The age difference isn't comfortable. I know some couples make it work, but the fact that she won't allow him emotions and is demanding he "act like a man" and then lies about leaving him shows a dangerous power imbalance. He's best off without her.
Honestly seems like she was trying to groom him into something he didn't want to be.
Load More Replies... Men better cry. If they don't, they'll get grumpy or even aggressive, passive or even depressed, or they'll get physically sick from the stress that doesn't get a release. None of that is more 'manly' than not crying ever. Pain hits (either physical or emotional) and the body reacts. Some cry, some faint, some go completely numb. It is more; that which you do and how you treat people around you after that first trauma hit, what makes you a real man or not.
That first part is not necessarily true. Crying doesn't prevent grumpiness or aggressive behaviour. Or physical sickness either.
Load More Replies... Guys are allowed to cry. And her age she seems self centered to think you weren't in pain. Good riddance. Can't wait til she has a kid an feels pain.
I hope that she does not have a kid, and in case she does, I can only hope that it is not a boy. Her idea of what a man is, and the values that she will install in him, will probably end up doing a lot more harm than good.
Load More Replies... my ex husband left me cause i had cancer, i found out a day before Christmas eve, and on Christmas he told me he was leave cause he didn't want the hurt of me "dieing and leaving him" I was pissed, told him, how do you think i feel? i was the one with the actual cancer! and if he left and i got better, we were not going to get back together, a year later I'm clear and cancer free, {it was gone before i got bad and only needed 4 chemo trips so never lost my hair or anything} and he comes back and asks if ill take him back, he had a new bf but was trying to "be with me too" cause he "missed me" i need up messing his bf about how he was trying to get with me again, and about what he did about me getting cancer {apparently he told his new "bf" that i broke up cause i didn't want him to worry about losing me, when it was actually him that abandoned me, we even had a kid, so yeah all of that hurt, thank fully our kid was too young
We all deal with physical pain differently. Especially if you're a younger person who's never experienced that much. A good couple needs to be good friends. Doesn't sound like this young woman knows what that means.
Wow I drove 670 km by train when my then boyfriend broke his leg in the middle of winter. To him on a saturday, back again the next day, as I had to work. Only to bring him some clothes from his flat to the hospital.
Any nearly 30 year old female dating a teenager is already as sus as sus can get.
It's bad enough that men grow up hearing they are not allowed to cry. It's worse when their mates offer no support and expect them to suck it up for the rest of their lives. Hasn't anyone learned from the Kelce brothers that men do cry, it is ok to cry, etc. Such a toxic woman. I hope he finds someone much more supportive!
This is just grose a 26y old with a 19y old... nah at that age the gap is too big.
I'm grossed out by the age difference. She was dating a child, what does she expect? No shame to him, as a guy myself I see no problems in crying but age maturity is a real thing and grown a*s adults should stay away from teens
LMAO!! So NTA at all, does she expect Superman in a boyfriend or something? 😄 Truly hope she doesn't break her leg or have a baby. It'll give her a huge dose of reality in the world of pain.
She truely have some screwed perspective when it comes to what being a man includes/should be -She lives in a fairytale and not the real world. I'll say that she is in for a tough time when she opts out that easily, as she will never be able to build a stable relationship . It sounds like she has ideals that no mere human will ever be able to meet, but that she is too stupid to figure this out.... and if you can't bear that people find out what you did, then maybe don't do it. Twisting the truth to hide your own s****y behavior, and then blaming the guy you dumped for not being willing to go down with the ship that you sank, is naïve at best, and evil at worst. In some sense I think it was good that it ended this way. The sooner you find out that she is in the group of people who are not worth collecting around you, the better, as you will loose less precious time that way. However I still feel sorry for him for getting the experience of having to deal with her in the first place.
I feel sorry for the guy she marries. She’ll end up in divorce court if he cries at the birth of their children.
“You a*****e! Why didn’t you lie to make me look good, and not a shallow twat?! Now everyone’s gonna know what kind of person I am because of you!” 🙄🙄🙄
Can confirm breaking a leg hurts - I've done both of mine. Crying is a completely normal response to that level of pain. Only reason I didn't was adrenaline and shock the first time and sheer searing rage the second because I was so angry at myself for doing it again. It's a net win for that guy though since it got rid of the shallow cow.
In the days after my sister passe away my BIL wept often and apologised for doing so. We tried to explain to him, that grief is natural in such a situation, and no apology was needed, but I am not sure it helped him. The "Men don't cry" was too deeply embedded, and it was so sad because it caused even more pain to him.
What a true and disgusting garbage person she is. Start to finish. It hurts like crazy. But she did him a huge favor not wasting more of his time. But my perspective is different. I was in a motorcycle accident about 4 months after I met my fiance. Worst was my absolutely destroyed right arm.. what did she do? Spent 4 weeks moved in with me to help and never once mocked me for the pain or physical therapy struggles.
Recommend poster and others wondering about men and vulnerability listen to Brene Brown. Link is a clip from an longer talk that is worth getting, but this is a good intro. https://www.tiktok.com/@theycallmeogshannon/video/7178889072289828142?lang=en So often it is the same women that want a man to be unflappable and un-needy, and are frustrated and frightened by toxic masculinity, that then are frustrated or angered that their men never open up and share their emotions, or struggle to be empathetic to her when she is unable to empathetic to him. A healthy man should be able to share his dreams and his pains with those close to him, and needs people around him that will listen and care.
69
51