42 Tweets That Might Make You Chuckle Even If You Don’t Have Kids (July Edition)

Need to train the mini dino to bring me cookies, too, when I'm on the loo

Emilu

Emilu

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I have IBS. Does this mean I get a lifetime's worth of cookies?

My kids were having a camp out in the hills. 16yr and 10yr. I wake up with such a jolt at 2.30am as I heard something hit their tent. 15 minutes later I get a call from the 16yr old saying something is outside their tent. We are in the UK so no predators, so perfectly safe. I still ended up walking to where they are camping at 3.00am to check on them. Perfectly safe and I saw the sun come up

It's Alexa set on Tamagotschi mode

I'd advise an immediate detox

Was annoyed at my parents for sleeping in on the weekends. Still am, my kid never lets me sleep in

Clearly we had different parents. My mother would hoover while I was still sleeping, and right in front of my door

Muffinspit

My stepbrother and his wife were shouting 'ffs' whilst doing some chores at home. Then, my step nephew hit his head on the slide at nursery and he got told off for shouting 'ffs.'

The actual physical part of assembling furniture is not the frustrating part. It is the person who translated the instructions poorly that pisses one off.

When my brother and his wife had small children, they had to decorate the house at night, otherwise the children learned far too many new words.

Must have knocked some sense into them.....twice.

The username checks out hard 😂

I know THAT feeling !

If they are healthy boundaries, they will understand and be ok with it. If they are arbitrary, they will eventually understand that too and realise you were just trying to exert authority to be a bully.

yes, the will eventually understand. Like a decade later. True story

I have one kids with no empathy, one with mental problems, one with anger management problems, and two without such issues. I can really relate!

I have already decided if I have kids that want to go out anywhere loud or crowded, my sister is taking them. She actually volunteered. My mum was disappointed my brother and I weren't more outgoing as teenagers, but then my sister came along. Mum now complains because she (in her mid 20s) goes out too much, because she can't afford it and has to borrow money. I told her to just stop lending her the money, but that hasn't happened yet.

I was too, at that age. I got over it.

lol!

😂😂😂😂

but there's still the lingering fear they might wake at 4am to tell you, that you look tired

Here's the bad news - the favorite part of childing is when you parents are asleep.

Every parent ever: "Why don't you want kids?? Kids are fantastic!" Also every parent ever:

Wait till he discovers reversible boxer shorts that last for two weeks instead of one...

This made me ask my wife to bring some mandarins after work.

To be fair, as an adult I ALSO find them difficult to peel. I literally have to get a knife and cut a diamond shape in the peel to get things started.

it's an "adventure"

Ouch.

He will not live to be 8

👏

If I didn't complain, I would have no reliable way of knowing what I want out of life.

"Just tell your kid to stop crying!" ;)

Expert level parenting.

Dino nuggets are the best

how does he know and what did you vacuum?

I'm with his son on this. Can always wash the pants you're wearing, but running out of books is bad.

Kid's got his priorities straight.

upvote for Harry Potter

yes, and soccer players need full body massage and oxygen tent to prep for overtime while 9-year old girl gymnasts ram the bar and still manage a 9.9 with two bruised eyes