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We've all been to a hospital at least a couple of times in our lives, and those visits are never, never pleasant. Not only you have to answer a bunch of very personal questions, get poked and prodded but also often endure a great deal of pain, which probably have brought you there in the first place. Nurses and doctors, knowing all this either try to ignore your whining entirely and just do their job, while others try to add some optimism to the situation by making you laugh with hospital puns, funny stories and various sorts of jokes. This list that you'll find below are real stories about the second category of hospital staff and their ingenious ways of keeping patients' spirit up.
From doctors who probably have a Ph.D. in trolling to patients who are taking it rather well and nurses spending their graveyard shifts in very nonconformist ways, the hospital turns out to be an excellent source for funny jokes. So, scroll down, say 'ahhhh' and breathe deep, because you're going to need all the oxygen that you can get for laughing at these funny things found in hospitals!
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#1
Saw This Next To The Weighting Scale At The Hospital
BusLady 7 years ago
It seems like you always weigh more at the doctor's office. I want to take off my heavy winter coat, set down my huge handbag, and take off my shoes. Lol
RJ Berg 7 years ago
Bus Lady, Take off the coat, set down the bag, remove the shoes, isn't that the norm for everyone? Lol
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Monika Soffronow 7 years ago
Negative comments about other people are simply examples of bullying - unless one has asked for their opinion.
Mae 7 years ago
I know this is a joke but I'd honestly want my man to tell me if I start getting heavier than I usually am. I want to know and get back to my normal weight :D
RELATED:
#2
The Definition Of Nurse
varwenea 7 years ago
Or PARAMEDIC, Or EMT, Emergency medical technician, Or FIREMAN, Or DOCTOR
Freya the Wanderer 7 years ago
One bit of advice my father gave me: Never do anything you wouldn't want to have to explain to first responders or ER personnel.
TonyaNSmith 7 years ago
I hear something about the place, it usually reminds me that people get sick and bad things happen to them please copy and paste here .......... https://bit.ly/2OFI0MH
#3
The Female Nurse Didn't Think I Was Funny. The Male Doctor Couldn't Stop Laughing
Mae 7 years ago
I think that's perfect! I'd love to get my tubes tied (or whatever it's called for women) but where I live you have to be either over 35 or have 3 kids or more xD
Jay Broderick 7 years ago
It really shows the double standard. If a man doesn't want children he gets the operation. If a woman doesn't want children she is made to wait until a certain age, and even then made to wait, have multiple interviews etc.
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Crouching_Penn_Hidden_Teller@yahoo.com 6 years ago
I told my doctor I had my tubes tied and she actually asked me why. I said "Because I don't want kids!"
Gerry Higgins 7 years ago
I can relate . I'm a Porch D**k. I sit on the porch and yell at neighborhood kids 'GET OUT OF THE PLANTS'
#4
Had My Leg Amputated And My Brother Shows Up To The Hospital Dressed As A Pirate
#5
I Didn't Want To Go To The Hospital When I Had Life-Threatening Illness, Because My Elderly Pet Ducks Required Daily Medications At The Time. I'm The Only Person They'll Allow. The Nurses Let My Husband Sneak Them In At Night
Madhu Mitha 7 years ago
awww... this is a whole new level of dedication... i hope you and your ducks are doing better now...
Full Name 7 years ago
The nurses had to facilitate it because the doctor wouldn't allow another quack to enter the room.
velocirrober 7 years ago
Sweet. Also, I'd never seen duck diapers. Does anyone know if they make them for russian tortoises?
Usernames 7 years ago
I saw ads in Instagram once... It's customisable... I really forget the brand...
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#6
Photo Taken Outside Children's Hospital In Los Angeles. Smart Kid
varwenea 7 years ago (edited)
This is very real. And someone did send pizza! It was in the news.
Stephanie Jones 7 years ago
Unfortunately that little girl lost her battle with cancer earlier this year...
Maaike Kwant 7 years ago
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/hazel-hammersley-cancer-patient-pizza-party_n_3595502 sweet Hazel recently passed away from childhood cancer after fighting it for years
deanna woods 6 years ago
I would definitely send pizza to these kids. I have had hospital food and some of it taste pretty bad.
Maaike Kwant 7 years ago
This was Hazel! https://www.huffpost.com/entry/hazel-hammersley-cancer-patient-pizza-party_n_3595502 she recently passed away after fighting childhood cancer for years. Her fb is https://m.facebook.com/ourlittlehazelnut/
#7
Who's Gonna Stop Me?
Naomi Armitage 7 years ago
This one's been here before--only then, it was something about college, and this was supposedly a professor's door sign.
First Last 7 years ago
I remember that I don't know why they always put same pictures with different captions
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#8
He Keeps Taking Them Down For Some Reason
Ashley Say Wha?!? 7 years ago
What! These are hilarious, I'd prob leave those up cause they are so funny!
movie maven 7 years ago
Don't give up, perhaps eventually he'll get an re-adjust that finally aligns his sense of humor into the correct position. oh well, i'm just a novice...
marie elle 7 years ago
I've deliverd my doughter yesterday, can't stop laughing and everything hurts!
#9
This After Hours Clinic Has Got Jokes
Bea Mee 7 years ago
ooo burn! (I'm American, and this is funny because it's true lol)
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diane a 7 years ago
Wylie Coyote could get ANYTHING delivered to the middle of Arizona by Acme
#10
Had To Get My Blood Drawn Today. This Was On The Wall At The Lab
Parmeisan 7 years ago
... I'd be pretty afraid if my blood looked like that!
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Paul K. Johnson 7 years ago
Her blood isn't looking so good. Looks like a sick, deformed strawberry. He should probably draw more blood just to make sure.
#11
Christmas Tree At My Fertility Clinic
#12
Was At The VA Hospital Today When I Ran Into This Guy And His Shirt
George Hughey 7 years ago
I wonder, I wear almost identical gloves. Someone asked me if I thought it made me look tough. I told him no, it's just my mom and my brother insist I keep my hands off the tires. I just can't get up any speed (a very relative term) using those skinny little rims. On the other hand, he does look pretty tough.
Freya the Wanderer 7 years ago
When you meet someone in a wheelchair or with some other mobility-assisting device, focus on the person and not the device. Or the handicap.
Alexandra Davis 7 years ago
Oh my gosh, I need this top! I never understand why some people feel the need to stare at me because I use a wheelchair? It's not like it's that unusual, is it?
#13
Woman Ends Up In Hospital After Mistaking Builders Expanding Foam For Hair Mousse
René Kok 7 years ago
Because of the leaves I think it is a horrible prank on a homeless person.
TheDivineMs.M 7 years ago
That's awful... they probably had to shave her head. Someone taking her picture and probably laughing at her doesn't help either.
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Barb Lynn Meade 7 years ago
As others have noted, she didn't get the twigs and debris in her hair, as well as the foam down her shoulder from using it herself in her bathroom. To me, it looks like someone did this to her--probably punks looking to humiliate a homeless person. She's experienced nothing to laugh about, and obviously doesn't need her picture online for people to make fun of her.
Nikki D 7 years ago
Jesus, that's the worst thing I've heard in a long time. What absolute monsters, poor lady.
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Magrata Cesnekova 7 years ago
This looks more like homeless person sleeping rough, then attacked by 'pransters' with expanding foam. Poor woman.
Ellis 7 years ago
Me too. Thought she fell in a wedding cake and the bride hit her on the head with the bouquet or something
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Seven Hits 7 years ago
Oh no! I had a similar experience, but all over my hands and forearms. That stuff does NOT come off. Called the company and they said it would have to be 'mechanically separated' from my skin. Or it would wear off in about 3 weeks. After it began to crack and got dirt in it, it looked like my arms were dead peeling skin. For weeks! Horrible experience
Happiness is Hippo 7 years ago
That sounds horrific, I hope it didn’t leave any lasting damage.
Load More Replies... #14
These Removed Fish Hooks At My Local ER
BusLady 7 years ago
I hope you got her a really nice Mother's Day gift that year.
Load More Replies... David Viesta 7 years ago
Now imagine if all of them were taken from a single person, at the same time.
#15
Girlfriend's Eye Doctor Hit Her With A Good Ol' Dad Joke
Pop Shuvit 7 years ago (edited)
I keep hearing americans call their optician the "eye doctors" lol it sounds cute
Fiona Buoninfante 7 years ago
Actually it's opthamologist in America but opticians are not doctors they're unlicensed technicians that assist the Dr at least that the terms we use here anyway might be different elsewhere
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#16
Leech Jailbreak
Robert Morson 7 years ago
Well, they're gonna have to sterilize the leech before using it again.
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diane a 7 years ago
Leeches and maggots are excellant. Maggots in particular are a superb treatment for removing gangrenous flesh - not that I would want it used on myself
diane a 7 years ago
The maggot treatment is true - but not for the squeamish. They bandage them into an gangrenous wound and they eat all the rotten flesh away
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Max L. 7 years ago (edited)
Try dating one, it's like dating google maps. They know by memory in latin and greek any name of any organ involved in anything that happens to your body, and I mean really anything. Found out the less romantic way :-}
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Ksenia M 7 years ago
leeches are great for a lot of conditions and have little to no side effects compared to drugs
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Skink Dog 7 years ago
Might just have noticed it. And leeches can also move surprisingly quick.
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#17
After Crushing And Fracturing His Finger, This Is How My Boyfriend Passed Time While Waiting In The ER
#18
Comforting To See In My Doctor's Office
Freya the Wanderer 7 years ago
Ancient Chinese saying: New doctor, more graves. Or something like that.
Hubertus Touché 7 years ago
And when you do happen to kill one or two, hide the skeletons in the nearest closet one can find!!
#19
I Think I Have Found The Worst Game Ever
Ann Rocks 7 years ago
I think it's a simulation of a complete physical exam. We use dummies like this to practice on.
Aisha La Gatta Pelirroja 7 years ago
But is the guy on the screen necessary? Does he make sounds or something?
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#20
This Building Is Like Someone Was Making It Up On The Fly
Randy Dhuyvetter 7 years ago
Kind of reminds me of chinese knockoffs trying to use english phrases.
David Viesta 7 years ago (edited)
Here is the "Medical Building", you can also see from here the famous restaurant "Food Building", and just there you can get a glimpse of the supermarket "Lot's of Stuff Building". Hope you enjoy the view from your recently acquired "Place you sleep and do other things, I don't know, Building"
Caroline Hampton 6 years ago
My friend owns a vegan restaurant this at 420 president Clinton blvd and that sounds made up as hell
Nicolas Gervais 6 years ago
I let you imagine the medical equipment you'll find inside. "Heartbeat headphones", "joints hammer", "white pills", "medical cutter", "see-thru camera"... :p
#21
Made My Day... And Her's
Selin Silva Buchanan 7 years ago
I'm a registered nurse and think all the others leaving critical comments could calm down at least a few dozen notches. Venti Xanax and a sense of humor could help all of you. That was the sweetest post! My question, was she medicated at all or was that genuine cuteness?
Susann Campbell 7 years ago
Cute Dr. When you are sick, all Dr.s look alike except their eyes.
M O'Connell 7 years ago
A paper surgical mask over the top of a non-surgical rated N95 respirator is sufficient for Airborne Precautions protocol. Surgical rated N95 respirators are really pretty pricey.
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Tanya Gadsden 7 years ago
Because he is wearing a face mask and thus cannot actually smell her, but he still replied as though he could, implying that she smelled like the face mask he was wearing, when in fact it was the face mask he was smelling.
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#22
Three Broken Ribs Yet Grandma Still Knows How To Keep Her Spirits Up During Hard Times
Magpie 7 years ago
:D Start wearing purple now. ( It is a poem, worth looking it up "when i grow old i shall wear purple)
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LemonyLickit 7 years ago
Uh...what IS that?! It looks like something you'd use to give a horse a rectal exam @.@
Chantel Atwell 7 years ago
Side note - I LOVE the new puke bags..instead of those kidney shaped shallow tubs.. It doesn't splash everywhere... You can just put it around your mouth and go at it....and it measures the puke easier (there are numbers on the sides) Even though they look like giant condoms, they're AWESOME!
Alexandra Davis 7 years ago
Haha I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks those sick bags look like giant condoms!
#23
Found This Mad Lad's Handiwork In The Local Hospital Bathroom
Jace 7 years ago
It was likely written while sitting there. Do you play with poop before you wipe your a*s?
Load More Replies... #24
So I Was On The Toilet At My Hospital (Children's) And I Look Up To Find This On The Wall
Ryo Bakura 7 years ago
The only time hospitals are negative situations is when you, or a loved one, ends up kicking the bucket. It can't be negative if you leave in good health.
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Patricia Ross 7 years ago
Kid's on to something. Looks like the beginning of a great children's book.
George Hughey 7 years ago
Kids a genius ! As David Letterman would say "there is no off position on the genius switch"
#25
The Fertility Clinic I Work For Received This Card From A Urologist
#26
He Takes It Rather Well...
2WheelTravlr 7 years ago
It's funny, but fake. It was a photo shoot for an insurance company. http://message.snopes.com/showthread.php?t=91277
Mathilde Spiers 7 years ago
i wish people would stop using this picture like it's a real life thing, it actually comes from a French advert
Mathilde Spiers 7 years ago
this is a picture from an advert in France about universal healthcare or something, it is obviously not a real life picture
Elizabeth 7 years ago
it may just be a flesh wound, they were smart leaving the arrow in and going to the DR. the arrow itself is stopping the blood from flowing out
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David Viesta 7 years ago (edited)
I used to be an average dad like you, but then I took an arrow to the shoulder.
Hubertus Touché 7 years ago
Naah, this is fake... have had a dart arrow in my arm once, man, hurts like hell!! Or... dad's on fentanyl. Who's to say?!
Aisha La Gatta Pelirroja 7 years ago
Obviously! But why is he at the ER? He should visit elvish or dwarf blacksmith to remove the arrow and fix the armour if required.
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#27
An ER Nurse And Her Coworkers Decided Gummy Bears Needed To Be Renamed
#28
The Only Book In My Doctor's Waiting Room. I Think I Chose Well
Full Name 7 years ago
I think these should be handed out strictly by people sneezing and coughing.
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David Viesta 7 years ago
Funny thing is that life is so fragile that the real list of "things who might kill you is actually the dictionary.
BusLady 7 years ago
Hypochondriacs live longer than any of us. My Grandma had every disease known to man, and she lived to be 83.
Sigrid Vinter 7 years ago
Seems like a rather normal age? Or did she live in a developing country?
Load More Replies... #29
Saw At Work Today... I Work At A Hospital
#30
This Pain Scale Found In My Doctor's Office
Laugh Fan 7 years ago
Better than the 1-10 scale where you only base it on the worst pain you've experienced. What if you haven't had much before or are worn down by having serious pain a lot? I've always found this really difficult as pain from a broken bone is a different type of pain to, say, nerve pain.
diane a 7 years ago
Weird - I toddled into A&E said "i think I my arm is broken" and sat quite comfortably just supporting my damaged elbow with my other hand for a good couple of hours before being seen. I was in too much shock to be operated on than night - 3 hour operation 3 plates 12 screws and a long bolt later - 40 clips 16" scar and semi disabled arm for life - It hurt like hell once the shock wore off
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diane a 7 years ago
the ever so nice surgeon let me take a pic of the x ray bionic-arm...c4cd79.jpg 
Cupcake Cloud 7 years ago
I can't count how many times i've asked patients to go by this rating, explaining that 10 is considered the most unbearable pain they can possibly imagine, followed by them, without hesitation, saying 10, before getting up and going to the bathroom or something. You're not a ten if you can walk, seemingly unaffected. We take the pain seriously even if it's not a ten.
diane a 7 years ago
the only thing near a 10 was a trapped nerve in my lower back - had to crawl to the bathroom in utter agony - crying with every crawl - luckily it eased off after a few days
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Freya the Wanderer 7 years ago
Pain affects different people differently - and yes, redheads are more sensitive to pain. I've heard numerous jokes about what the 1-10 scale should be.
BusLady 7 years ago
I've heard that too. I've seen people cry over a minor injury and refuse to even get up (I think they like the sympathy), yet some people bear the worst kind of pain without complaining.
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Lisa Catacosinos 7 years ago
I have tried to explain nerve pain versus other pain because I have a very bad back and arthritis from my jaw down. I have to use a walker chair because if my nerve pain says "sit down now" there's no possible way not to. You can't just "work through it". But people just think you're being overly dramatic. It's just so maddening.
Susann Campbell 7 years ago
My pain tolerance is not like this at all. Starting at six it is, hurts and I'm tired of it hurting, seven I just want to sleep so the pain will go away, eight is when I wake up because of the pain, nine is crying and shaking, ten is don't touch me, don't touch it , don't even look at me thinking your going to touch it.
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What do you think ?
Jane Alexander 7 years ago
The avocados in our local market came with little 'Ripe' stickers on. I saved one to wear to the delivery room.
The person leveling NYC 9 months ago
Me looking at No. 15 to figure out what it was: oh HAHAHA
Load More Replies... Jane Alexander 7 years ago
The avocados in our local market came with little 'Ripe' stickers on. I saved one to wear to the delivery room.
The person leveling NYC 9 months ago
Me looking at No. 15 to figure out what it was: oh HAHAHA
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