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Childhood is the most magical time in many people’s lives. Santa Claus visits every Christmas Eve, you can dream of becoming anything you want when you grow up, and you never have to worry about paying bills or shopping for groceries.
But another underrated aspect of being young is having an amazing, effortless sense of humor. Adults have been sharing hilarious stories of kids saying the darndest things on Reddit, so we’ve gathered the funniest ones down below. Enjoy scrolling through these quotes that just prove kids are unintentionally the funniest humans alive, and be sure to upvote the ones that make you giggle. And keep reading to find a conversation with mother and writer Lisa Hides!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Just happened last week when kiddo #2 was born.
I brought kiddo #1 (just turned 5) to the hospital for the first time to meet his new bro, he takes one look at the sleeping baby and says "He's so cute"
Then, he turns to my wife, looks her in the eye and says with genuine concern "How's your v****a?"
The nurses lost it.
Edit: A lot of people seem to think a 5 year old boy wouldn't know what a v****a is or where babies come from...this is kind of sad.
Educate your kids, people.
Caspian (he/they) 4 weeks ago
My mom never even talked to me about that and I'm in my teens *sob*
RELATED:
#2
3ish year old girl on a airplane loudly announced "my daddy left me and mommy...and I don't know where he went". Then she pointed to her mom's tummy and told everyone "there is a baby in there too".
The mom had to remind her to tell the rest of the story, that daddy had taken another plane to a different city for work, but would be meeting up with them in a few days on their family vacation.
#3
I'm a mailman and one day a little girl came to the door to get the mail. She looked up at me with a big smile and said "thank you, whaleman!"
I spent the rest of the day thinking about how much more interesting of a job that would be.
To learn more about the hysterical things kids say without even trying to be funny, we got in touch with Lisa Hides. Lisa is a Canadian healthcare professional, mom, and writer. She has a newsletter titled Kind Of Funny For A Mom, where she sends out a weekly dose of humor, and lucky for us, she was kind enough to discuss this topic with Bored Panda.
First, we wanted to know if Lisa's kids have ever said something that deserves a spot on this list. "One hilarious moment that comes to mind is from back when my son was around ten," she shared. "He was obsessed with Wordle and discovered a website where you could create your own custom Wordle. So, he made me one to solve. Well, the word was ERECT and after I completed it, he kept repeating: 'Wasn’t that a HARD ONE?'"
"I sprayed my coffee," Lisa admitted. "What made this so much funnier was the innocence of the situation. My son had no idea what any of it meant or why I was laughing. That, and having a mother who peaked in middle school."
#4
I once heard my son (Who'd just watched the old star wars series) ask my grandfather (British WW2 vet) what side he fought on in "The war" and my grandfather responded with "The Empire"
My kid cried for days because he thought his great grandfather fought for the galactic empire.
Andrew Keir 4 weeks ago
One of our family (I daren't say which !) was in a museum showing Roman life in the days of the Caesars, and asked his father (a WW2 veteran) "Are those the same Romans you fought in the war, dad?"
#5
As a child, my Brother didn't like peanuts. As a treat after dinner one Sunday we had Cornettos, my brother peeled the wrapper off and then turned to my Dad and said, "Daaaaaad, can you nibble my nuts off?"
My aunt wet herself laughing.
So what makes kids so effortlessly funny? "They lack the same filters and fears that we have as adults," Lisa noted. "Their humor is uncorrupted and raw. They can reach places without the same constraints we lame adults have. In my experience, Human Resources Departments are not known for their humor."
#7
Family went to Olive Garden restaurant. Waitress delivers the obligatory bowl of salad with the salad tongs.
I proceed to start mixing up the salad with the tongs.
My 4-year old daughter sits up and stares into the bowl and then looks up at me and asks, "What are you looking for?".
#8
My 18 month old daughter, my wife, and I went to the beach about a month ago.
We are teaching her manners so when she wants something she needs to follow the formula, "(thing I want) please!"
We're teaching her to tell us when she wants to go to the beach, but it's sounding more like b***h. We're trying to correct her but it's not getting through.
She gets frustrated with us, and goes up to my mother in law who asks her if she wants a treat of some sort and she just says, "B***h, please.".
#9
'Dad what's that?'
'Thats a cemetery'
'Whats a cemetery?'
'Thats where they bury dead bodies'
'Oh'
*(A few minutes pass)*
'Dad?'
'Yeah?'
'Where do they bury the heads?'.
But just because you're not a kid anymore doesn't mean you can't prioritize humor in your life. "Social psychology research teaches us that laughing makes us feel happier. It reduces feelings of stress and anxiety and boosts self-esteem," Lisa shared.
"In my house, we're always laughing. I find myself flagging to my kids not to repeat some of the things we laugh about at home in case they offend, and why someone might be offended," she continued. "We're straddling a tough line here: building empathy while also nurturing a solid sense of humor. But it's worth it, because laughter truly is the best medicine."
#10
We were bringing lunch to the teachers at school and my daughter announced that we made a special soup for Mr. S because he's a virgin.
Mr. S is a vegan.
#11
My partner's 5-year-old daughter was watching me do my makeup in the mirror and she said "You look like an angel".
That's the sweetest thing she's ever said to me, so I gushed like a teenage girl and thanked her with a big grin on my face.
Then she elaborated: "You look like you're dead".
#12
There was a field of cows and calves and I heard a little boy say "Mummy look baby beefs".
"I can't tell you how many times I've snapped my daughter out of an epic tantrum by laughing," Lisa added. "It interrupts her dysregulated brain, and after confirming I'm not having some kind of neurological episode, like the social contagion it is, she bursts out laughing too. It just feels so much better than anger. Don't believe me? Try it, and report back!"
And if you'd like to hear more funny stories from Lisa, be sure to check out Kind Of Funny For A Mom or follow her on Instagram, X or Facebook!
#13
Literally 5 seconds ago a little girl asked me "Are you Melissa?"
I am a 250 pound bearded man. I am decidedly not Melissa.
#14
One little girl asked her friend, "Does your mom have a baby in her belly?" (the woman was quite overweight). The kid says, "Oh, there's every possible thing in there"
Sorry it's hard to get it across in English but it was hilarious :D.
#15
Son's name is Skylar... daughter is 6 years old... wife was going back to college and we were talking about scholarships and we notice that our daughter is crying. I mean she's wailing and sobbing. After we get her calmed down we ask her what wrong. She says she doesn't want us to send Skylar to the moon.
Wtf? Why would we do that we ask.
She responds, "Why else would you need a Skylar ship?".
#16
I was explaining to my 4 year old son what muscles are and asked him to look at my biceps. He said “hold on I need to go get my magnifying glass.” I didn’t even know what to say and my wife is still laughing about it.
#17
I was trying to get my nephew to stop being a loner and socialize with his mates, when he ripped me a new one: "How come I have to be like everyone else when you get to be gay?"
Got to hand it the kiddo, he made a valid point.
Huddo's sister 4 weeks ago
I spent most of my life with my mum telling me to socialise more, I wish I had asked her this! I did have friends, especially in high school, I just didn't want to do any of the forced social activities she wanted.
#18
My 7 year old son slept on the top bunk of a bed with his brother down below. He's a bit of a tank and was hitting around 28kgs. One night he asked me to put him to bed, and I said "mate, you're getting really heavy, I'm not sure that I can lift you all the way up that high anymore!".
He looked me straight in the eye and said "Dad, you just need to believe in yourself".
Andrew Keir 4 weeks ago
"Son, I believe in *you* - I believe that there's more of you than I can lift that high !"
#19
Had a friend who transported goods for a pharmaceutical company. He jokingly referred to it as "delivering d***s" in front of his 4 year old nephew. One day, the friend was supposed to pick his nephew up from daycare. His caretaker asked him conversationally what his uncle did for a living. Of course, the kid spouts off that his uncle delivered/sold d***s for a living. This did not go over well with the caretaker. She proceeded to call the mother, who burst out laughing before she could explain.
#20
"Hey! Who farted in my pants?" - my 3 year old son.
#21
My niece was 3 when my nephew was born... She came up to me and my girlfriend when we visiting my sister in hospital and said "so am I not allowed to punch the baby in the head?".
#22
Watching Shrek with my parents when I was little, and my mom remarked on how funny it was that Donkey didn’t have a name aside from “donkey.” I argued “But Mom, his name is Steve!” My mom asked me how I knew this, so I gently reminded her that at one point Fiona calls him “Noble Steve.” Couldn’t understand why everyone started laughing.
Now, my therapist’s name his Steve and my mom refuses to refer to him by anything but “Noble Steve.” I will never live this down.
Manic Mama 4 weeks ago
I'm with your mother. Please please please tell me someone told your therapist that he's "Noble Steve".
#23
Went to McDonald's once and headed for the bathroom. Just before I opened the door this small child busts through with his friend and he yells "I ain't washing my hands, I'm a baaad boy!"
This happened 4 years ago and I still laugh about it.
#24
I worked as a teacher's assistant for a year and I have a weird last name so I got the kids to call me Mr A if they couldn't pronounce it, but some kids still tried to say their interpretation of my name. One of the kids said, "Mr A im gonna start calling you mr avocado. Because i cant remember your last name, and i dont like avocado.".
#25
In the middle of my local zoo there's a big clearing where they let all the African animals (except the carnivores, obviously) mingle, in an attempt to recreate a natural habitat. Last time I was there I was standing near a little boy and his mother, and the kid was in awe of what he was seeing. Suddenly, though, he saw something that got him really, really excited.
"Look, Mummy, look!" he shouted, pointing. "*It's a pigeon!*"
The thing is, he was absolutely right: in an African setting, an English pigeon *is* the exotic one.
#26
My kid and me after a large blow out I had with my Ex wife over something stupid, our two daughters heard my ex unloading on about how she hates me and how terrible I am, and I knew when she gets like that I have to walk away she would say some pretty cutting things. Anyways i am angry and I go sit on the couch in the living room with the lights off. My 4 year old walks up to me
L : Dad? No one likes you eh?
Me:Yeah I gathered... thanks.
L: Mommy doesn't Like you, I don't like you Helen(1.5yo) doesnt like you...
Me: Yeah Thanks.
L: HAHAHA I played a joke on you. I am kidding. I don't know what helen thinks.
#27
A little background: When my daughter was little, she would make any excuse to try to sleep in our bed. We also had a lab named Morty who fell in love with her the day we brought her home from the hospital and followed her around until the day he died.
One night, she told me, "Mommy, I can't sleep in my bed because Morty left all of his dog feathers in it.".
#28
So my almost 4 year old has a speech delay, and she pronounces horse as “w***e” and she has a my little pony toy that she takes everywhere. Anyway, she dropped it in Walmart one time and I didn’t notice and was walking away (she was in the cart) and she yells “MOMMY MY W***E! Get my w***e!!” Oh god I laughed so f*****g hard, as did a lot of people around me. Obviously had some nasty looks, but whatever. She thinks she says horse.
We’re working on it.
Floeckchen 4 weeks ago
why would anyone judge a 4 yrs old for bad prononciation? She obviously didn't mean w***e
#29
I'm assuming my nephew over heard someone say this but as he is 6 I was impressed at his quick response. He was making a rocket out of cardboard. He said "I enjoy making things." My neice who is 4 replied "I like making things too." My nephew then said "Yeah making mischief." Me and my sister in law couldn't stop laughing. My neice was very confused.
#30
I guess I was three or so and pretending to work on my toy semi when I started throwing my tools and said " God d**n piece of s**t won't start!" Not much has changed.
#31
I’ve shared this before, but once when my niece was very little- maybe 3- we passed a bridge under construction and there were two big cranes working. She sighed in this resigned way and said- “I knew one day the dinosaurs would come and get me...”
I almost had to pull over I laughed so hard!
Around the same time- we were having a dinner party and my best friend and I were sitting in the living room. She toddles in and I hold out my arms- she runs and jumps into my friends lap. I exclaim, “But, P! I’m blood!” She screams and runs towards me- “You blood? Where?!” And proceeds to check me over for flesh wounds.
She’s awesome.
#32
When i was 4, i was running around the dining room when i hit my elbow on a chair. i proceeded to tell my mom, “ouch! my testicles!!!”
i’m a girl.
Andrew Keir 4 weeks ago
Eleven year old, first year at boarding school. Class has just had 'the talk' from the nurse. Boy hangs around afterwards, looking embarrassed. Finally persuaded to ask his question - "Miss, I'm not sure about my tentacles..."
#33
When my daughter was about 2 1/2, she told me she couldn’t wait to grow up, because she was dying to be able to say bad words.
I said oh yeah? Like what word?
“The “T” word?”
“What’s the “t” word? I asked...
She looks around to make sure no one is watching, leans in, and whispers “F****n’”.
I’m now dying and I say, “That’s not a T word that’s a F word. Think maybe it’d be a good idea to learn the alphabet before you learn bad words?”
“Yeah..... what’s the alphabet?”
“The ABC’s.”
“Oh... yeah. I should learn that first.”.
#34
Me: "How old do you thing Grandpa is?"
5 yr old nephew: "erm....12"
Me: "No, he's actually 62"
Nephew: "OOooh, he's going to die soon"
Me: 8|.
#35
Watching Star Wars with my 5 year old nephew. Great scene with Darth Sideous sitting in his little char facing out to space. You can't see him and all you can see is the chair before he does his big spinning chair reveal. Sideous says something like "Ahhh Skywalker, I've been waiting for you" or something.
My Nephew turns to me, shrugs his shoulders and says "Talking chair"
Don't know why this caught me but I lost it.
Note: this post originally had 76 images. It’s been shortened to the top 35 images based on user votes.
What do you think ?
James016 3 weeks ago
My 10 year old tried flirting with a waitress recently. It was very cute. He was really trying to speak to her asking her name, how it was spelled etc all with a big smile. She went along with it. As my wife told her, he had years of speech and language therapy. It was a lot of effort for him.
Papa 3 weeks ago
When my grandson was small he was fascinated with dinosaurs. When he was about 3 one of my daughter's friends was looking at a dinosaur book with him. She asked him what kind of dinosaur one of them was, and he told her. She asked him "How do you know it's not a (similar dinosaur)?" He said "Well, LOOK at it."
James016 3 weeks ago
My 10 year old tried flirting with a waitress recently. It was very cute. He was really trying to speak to her asking her name, how it was spelled etc all with a big smile. She went along with it. As my wife told her, he had years of speech and language therapy. It was a lot of effort for him.
Papa 3 weeks ago
When my grandson was small he was fascinated with dinosaurs. When he was about 3 one of my daughter's friends was looking at a dinosaur book with him. She asked him what kind of dinosaur one of them was, and he told her. She asked him "How do you know it's not a (similar dinosaur)?" He said "Well, LOOK at it."
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