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30 People Who Grew Up Being Labeled As ‘Gifted’ Share How Life Turned Out For Them
Perfectionism isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, it can be incredibly harmful to our emotional and psychological health if left unchecked. The desire to control everything at all times, in a world that often is outside our control, can lead to anxiety, stress, even depression. So it’s no wonder that some people, who were gifted students at school and constantly praised for their achievements, are now severely disappointed with the lives they lead. Perfectionism is all they know. And it hasn’t served everyone well. I would know, being a former ‘smart kid’ and recovering perfectionist myself.
Reddit users, all gifted students themselves, opened up about how their lives have turned out. Quite a few shared some of the issues they faced, such as never learning to properly study or how to put in consistent hard work. Meanwhile, others noted some of the upsides, such as the ability to come up with amazing ideas on the fly and acing tests… which, of course, have their own drawbacks, too.
Scroll down to read the tales of these former gifted students and how growing up as the ‘smart kid’ affected their adult lives. Keep in mind that perfectionist parents tend to raise perfectionist kids. They can then eventually grow up and become perfectionist parents themselves who go on to put undue pressure on their munchkins to perform well at school. And the whole cycle starts anew, with stress and pressure left and right.
Bored Panda reached out to Lenore Skenazy from New York for a chat about perfectionism in the modern world. Lenore is the president of Let Grow, a nonprofit promoting childhood independence and resilience, and the founder of the Free-Range Kids movement. As she put it, control is a “figment of our imagination” and the desire to be ‘perfect’ can backfire dramatically. Scroll down for the full interview.
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#1
Since everyone is telling you you're a genius and you're special and you're capable of amazing things when you grow up... you spend the first twenty years of your life expecting success to fall into your lap. When you finally realize it won't, you're still stuck with your terrible work ethic.
Cecile Pollitt 4 years ago
I got through school without the need to study until I was 16, where I got into a specialty programme with other really smart kids. Was told I'd achieve great things. I'd never learned to study and it all went downhill from there. Really did me a disservice.
Zwiebel Suppe 4 years ago
They always told me "You can be anything you want!" I guess they meant it that way, but they didn't tell me I had to choose one thing.
Karri Berkowitz 4 years ago
High school: 4.3 GPA, university: graduated with highest honors (nursing and behavioral science). I make gun powder for a living and they only require a person to pass a drug test and basic logic. I actually love my job. It paid off my $60k in student loans.
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#2
I certainly lack the organizational skills that a less intelligent person was forced to develop, because previously, I just kept it all in my head. Now, of course, there are far too many things going on, and they last so much longer, that it's virtually impossible to keep everything in my head. But I lack the discipline and skill necessary for, say, a schedule book. Intelligence is not wisdom, and it is not common sense, and it is not discernment. It is, however, unfortunately, very highly regarded as a standalone product when, as a standalone product, it does not really add value.
Bexxxxx 4 years ago
I’m sure OP is smart to enough to have already tried that.
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Sky Render 4 years ago
Basically, due to the comparative lack of complexity of school live versus adult life, it's very easy for someone with even just an above-average memory to keep up with what's expected of them without any sort of calendar or scheduling. Keeping that up into adult life is not something that most gifted kids can pull off, there's far more things to keep track of!
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Pheebs 4 years ago
Gawd, this. Took until my mid-20s to develop some decent organization skills. Never learned how to study properly - if I showed up and payed at least some attention, I could manage high Bs or low As without much effort. My first semester doing online classes was a revelation, and forced me to start evaluating those missing skills. Still didn’t manage GOOD organization and motivation until my 30s, when I had to complete a full bachelors online. I used to roll my eyes at planner books. Now I keep one specifically for work, and a calendar for personal. (Digital too)
Cecily Holland 4 years ago
My God son is 13 with an IQ of 146. He is also on the spectrum and high functioning. He experiences everything OP is stating
#3
Lack of discipline, bad work ethic, started becoming more and more lazy and even falling behind everyone else. Even now, studying at the university, I fail pretty much all of my exams the first time I take them, cause I never actually learnt how to study in the first place.
Vorknkx 4 years ago
It is true - I was pretty lazy in college. One of my profs directly told me I could easily be the best of all student... if only I weren't so lazy and antisocial. Anyway, things still turned out fine. I am doing my best to improve my self-discipline nowadays.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
Yeah, I heard the same. Caro is lazy and doesn't care...
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Frank Hassler 4 years ago
High school was so easy for me, I never learned how to study. College was a rude awakening for me.
Bettie-Jean Neal 4 years ago
This. I did terrible in college because I never learned how to study. Never needed to study before. I take terrible notes.
Om 4 years ago
I identify with this. I'm nowhere near being a genius, but was always the first of my class, basically from kindergarten up to high school. By college, I became so lazy, even the tiniest piece of homework would take me hours to finish because of procrastination, and studying for exams became a burden. I still managed to graduate as the first of my class, but that didn't mean I was the most prepared for work at all, and I was always conscious of that.
Stannous Flouride 4 years ago
I took a class on how to take notes after several years of failing and it revolutionized my comprehension and exam preparation. Most colleges offer something similar.
Viktor 4 years ago
Yep, I had a (relatively) terrible GPA because I was good enough to pass exams without doing anything. Then, I had to ‚settle‘ for engineering because my grades weren’t good enough for what I really wanted. I just went through university with little effort and even got a PhD. Now I’m 33, highly educated, look like the world is my playground but in reality I just coasted along and still try to figure out what to do with my life.
Childhood independence expert and author Lenore explained to Bored Panda that we imagine that we control everything when in reality, seeking control makes us more anxious. “The thing about being ‘perfect’ is that we never know all the workings of the universe. So to assume we can control everything and make it perfect is foolish,” she told Bored Panda.
Lenore quoted a part of her book, Free-Range Kids, that dealt with the topic. “[Control] certainly isn’t required for good child-rearing. And to the extent that we do manage to solve all our children’s problems—or keep those problems from ever even popping up— we are doing them a disservice. Not a fatal one that will stunt our children forever. (That would still be control, right? The ability to control exactly what our kids become.) But still, we are steering them away from the real source of confidence and independence, which comes from navigating the world and its surprises. Especially the unpleasant ones.”
Lenore then explained to Bored Panda exactly what she means by this. “What I mean is: striving to be ‘perfect’ can actually backfire,” she said.
#4
Even worse was being told how "mature" I was for my age; get told enough times and you start to believe it yourself. Turns out I wasn't mature, just different.
I was mature because I did what I was supposed to in class, in reality I just didn't really dare to disobey;
I was mature because I didn't chatter with others during class, wasn't because I was mature enough to know better than others, but because I didn't have any friends to talk with.
Yet I was still always told I was "mature," which leads you into believing you are walking down the correct path -- that you have the correct mindset and there's no need to change it.
Sky Render 4 years ago
Especially nasty for those who have been traumatized. No, we're not "mature for our age", we're suffering the side-effects of untreated PTSD by way of being obedient and quiet so as to avoid further damage.
Claire Stanfield 4 years ago
This is also a trap phrase people use to take advantage of young people - "You're so mature for your age", aka, you should do this adult thing now even though you're not an adult. Nope. Still underage.
MikeWheelerFan 4 years ago
I’m Gifted and I’m also told I’m mature. Thought it probably because I can easily hold conversations with adults.
Solaris Ellipses 4 years ago
When maturity is attributed to someone because they just fall in line and don’t make waves, then . . . I guess I don’t want to be mature. Ever.
Al Christensen 4 years ago
Different... obedient... friendless... I relate to this, except no one told me I was mature..
Bettie-Jean Neal 4 years ago
OMG, so true! No one wanted to be my friend because I was the smart kid and had special classes where I got to do really cool science stuff.
#5
When people start doing better than you and you become more average, you start becoming a bit disconnected with who you are as a person. For all your life you've identified as the 'smart one', now you have no idea
Vorknkx 4 years ago
Sad but true. It's easy to be the smartest one in elementary school, where all sorts of kids are mixed together, but as you move forward, you find yourself in the company of better and better people. Sooner or later, they will start outshining you.
Kathakdancer 4 years ago
that’s what happened to me. in 3rd grade, i got into gifted and went to a different school from 4th to 6th grade for “gifted students”. in middle school, i’m really struggling
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Wise beauty 4 years ago
6th grade: no challenge classes, 7th grade flunks algebra because I didn’t have the basics for it. I had to go back and learn all the basics for a year and in eighth grade, take algebra at the high school because I had Gifted honors English there, YAY STRESS!
Bexxxxx 4 years ago
STORY OF MY LIFE. Was in advanced band class playing 2 instruments, involved in the teacher’s private concert band, “smart people class” getting pulled out of class a few times a week tk do more advanced schoolwork, top French student in my entire high school. Haven’t been that smart since I left high school 😂
Om 4 years ago (edited)
yeah, when I was in college I realized I wasn't anything special. I was disciplined, I could pay attention, I could memorize a lot of things before an exam (only to forget them the day after) basically I had all the skills to be "a good student" and get great scores, which could translate as being the perfect employee. But I can't learn by myself, well, I struggle a lot, I'm not very creative, I lack leadership skills, I'm so used to people telling me what to do, or what to learn, that I lack the inspiration to find and learn new things by myself. So now I think the best thing is to be your own boss, start your own business, but I lack any basic skills for that, that other classmates did have and are now thriving in their lives and careers, despite not being the first of the class
#6
I entered a culture were everyone, teachers, parents, relatives etc valued me for my smarts and so I used that as my yardstick to value other people for a long time.
Nowadays I'm more interested in who shows compassion, loyalty, dedication, generosity, humor, etc Had to work really hard to break the filters.
Sky Render 4 years ago
I hated being put up on a pedestal like that; still do. I would happily grant a sequential eidetic memory and the autistic brain's ability to efficiently organize to everyone around me if I could.
Casandra Nițescu 4 years ago
Another aspect of this is that you start to value YOURSELF as smart. And if that falls apart (let's say you are going through a rough time and start failing exams or just not doing very well at things in general because you're struggling) that has HUGE consequenses for your self esteem and sense of self worth. Because you've been taught that you're only valuable as a "smart person", not as a person.
Ellen Ranks 4 years ago (edited)
My younger sister had a hard time at highschool because I was a really good student and everyone expected her to perform like me. She didn't. Not because she is less intelligent but she's just more of a practical person where I am bookish. She ended up dropping out and has mostly been working in shops ever since.
The desire to be ‘perfect’ can cause a lot of damage, whether you’re a parent or not. But it’s especially in raising our kids that perfectionism can do more harm than good. For everyone involved. The main issue? Kids need to learn to take care of problems themselves. Independence is vital growing up.
“Making sure your child NEVER has to be uncomfortable or scared or lonely or frustrated—trying to ‘concierge’ their life—means kids arrive at adulthood without much experience in rising to the occasion,” Lenore warned. “In a way, they [the kids] arrive undercooked, unready for life—and that’s not what any of us want for our kids.”
#7
When you don't have to work at anything (intellectually), you're completely unprepared for those things that do require work, like essays, partner projects, etc. So you end up missing out on a lot of study skills, which all have a direct corollary to "adult" skills.
Tami 4 years ago
Seems like what a gifted person really needs is a passionate interest in something to motivate them. That's rough because some people just don't find anything in particular that resonates with them.
Om 4 years ago
I always had great scores, but I never really liked any school subject. When I had to take the decision of what career to study, it was a nightmare, 'cause I didn't like anything. Literally, my ideal job would be something like assembling pieces at a factory, repeating the same easy task and not having to think anything else, but I know those are the least paid, so I became an Engineer, but it wasn't easy, and I don't like this field, but now I'm stuck and unhappy
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Sky Render 4 years ago
I remember my first big wake-up call was in 4th grade. Around then I stopped caring about homework because it didn't do anything useful for me (I always aced every test because they were all just rote memorization stuff; easy for anyone with a good memory!). My marks came in, my parents had a talk with me, and they made me start doing my homework every night. It's a good thing they did, too! It taught me the importance of showing others that I do in fact know how to do the things I say I can do.
#8
Now that I'm out of school, I realize how much of my self worth I wrongly placed in my grades/GPA.
Sky Render 4 years ago
I never cared about grades. Those were indicators of how well a teacher could see my progress, not how well I had actually progressed. I cared more about absorbing the content of my learning, not what someone had to say about how I went about it.
#9
I skipped a grade... So, no one saw me as the smart kid but instead as the diminutive thirteen year old ninth grader in Pre Calculus. You learn to keep your mouth shut.
It wasn't that great.
MikeWheelerFan 4 years ago
Imo you’re lucky you got to skip a grade. When I was still in Public School (I’m homeschooled now) the principal still wouldn’t let me skip a grade even though I was clearly bored…
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
I skipped a grade and then moved to different states, so nobody really knew I skipped. I was just younger than everyone else. Had zero impact on me, other than getting to graduate “early.”
Flops 3 years ago
My father skipped the first two grades, very intelligent and tall for his age (still is :)), couldn't play sport with his friends because of age restrictions, drive a car when they could, drink alcohol....but has had a happy and successful life, when he married my mother at 21...she was 26 (he was going to ask out another girl to a dance, but saw a older guy approaching her house..the people at the local store suggested he ask my mother instead (yaaay). When it was suggested his children might skip a grade, our principal seemed shocked that he wasn't flattered, and just said no. I'm very glad for that.
Ellen Ranks 4 years ago
Ha! I was allowed to skip a grade but my parents wouldn't let me. Now I understand why.
Wise beauty 4 years ago
I have a friend who skipped kindergarden because she knew double digit addition. I was in a different school district and I couldn’t skip kindergarten despite the fact that I was already doing a mental math (but I didn’t know how to put it to paper) and I could already read at a 3rd grade level.
DC 4 years ago
In my last school, we had three skippers. I wasn't one of them - but they, all three, were treated as neverwrongs by most teachers. Them being rated as a one (or 15 points) orally was a given. One turned out to be pretty arrogant about it, one went on like before (both female) and the male one was a knowitall at times, but turned out ok in the end. They skipped grade 11, although that is just two years later, it may contribute to a more relaxed take on it - I didn't care, most didn't at all.
Archer Harris 4 years ago
That is sad. Even though you are intelligent your classmates looked down on you. TBH the where probably jelly.
Arthur Waite 4 years ago
Yes, it's not much fun being a Sheldon. I only made a few friends in all of school, and didn't really notice what I was missing.
Load More Replies...According to Lenore, being exposed to a variety of experiences can help toughen us up. That way, we can deal with whatever life throws at us as veterans. “The pain of not getting invited to a birthday party, or failing a class, or not making the basketball team is no fun. But when your college girlfriend dumps you, at least you know you’ve been sad before and lived through it,” the expert gave an example.
“We do our kids a disservice when we make their lives ‘too’ perfect and don’t let them build up some resilience. Sure, we should love and support them. Sure, we want to steer them from true, serious danger. But always intervening in day-to-day frustrations is like going to the gym with our kids and lifting the barbells FOR them. Yes, they have an easier workout. No, they don’t leave stronger.”
As such, modern parents are living with “a new and incredibly heavy burden” that they supposedly ‘should’ be and even can be ‘perfect.’ Of course, this causes a lot of stress and results in kids who are well taken care of, bright, skilled, but don’t have the resilience to deal with the realities of grown-up life.
#10
Hard. I skipped four years in school - it took me years to come to terms with the fact that I'm allowed to do what makes me happy, not what people expect because "you have so much potential."
When I applied to music school my mother's friends openly criticised her for letting me do it, because they couldn't understand why I wasn't moving into a 'brainy' career path like medicine or law. Still get a lot of family members asking why I'm not doing XYZ job that they think I'd be perfect for.
TLDR: Just because you're smart enough to be a rocket scientist, that doesn't mean you have to be one.
Kanuli 4 years ago
You always want what you didn’t get? I wish I had this kind of support. Instead I was left all by myself, had to learn that I learn for myself, and how to do this. Same with social skills, emotions, morale, household. I still truggle because I taught myself not ideally. My morale is quite black and white for example. But I can still learn and become better.
Josy Bannon 4 years ago
I can relate. Willing to learn and change is a healthy mindset I think. You got this
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Pamda Panda 4 years ago (edited)
Glad this person at least got some support. I know someone who committed suicide when she was admitted to med school because all SHE wanted to do was be a musician.
Kimi Tomminello 4 years ago
I'm so sorry!! Your post hit VERY close to home for me. Music would've been my dream but farming has given me peace. Such a sad reality. Once again, so sorry.
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PeachPossum 4 years ago
I wouldn't say that music is not "brainy." Music and mathematics have a strong correlation. Johann Sebastian Bach knew all about that. Your mother's friends do have a point: The average doctor or lawyer earns oodles more than the average musician. I could have gone on to be a professional flautist, had I the ambition to do so. Instead, I chose computer programming. Music is still my second love, but now that I have lost much of my hearing, I believe I made the right choice. I would have hated having to give up a career in music in my 30s due to hearing loss only to start over again doing something else. Yes, yes, I know about Beethoven, and I know some deaf musicians, notably Mandy Harvey and Dame Evelynn Glennie, are making a successful go of it, but that is not for me.
Kimi Tomminello 4 years ago
I grew up "gifted" without the ability to say "no" to a narcissistic parent... Long story short halfway through college I had a nervous breakdown, quit med school and transferred to a trade school for ag science. Never looked back.
Harri Ellis 4 years ago
My ex had a genius IQ. Got into Ivy League college and discovered theatre. Although he continued with his math major, he knew that the arts was where he wanted to be. Loved the great silent film comedians, Marx Bros, etc. During graduation, he wore Groucho glasses and mustache, and handed the president of the college a cigar. His mother was mortified. She wanted him to be a lawyer/doctor like a good Southern boy. He got a scholarship to study with Jacques Lecoq in Paris at his theatre school. When he returned, he became a Ringling clown. His mother was so embarrassed, but he did what he loved.
Stephanie Barr 4 years ago
LOL. Smart kid but math bored me so becoming a rocket scientist (which I am today) I never saw coming.
Wise beauty 4 years ago
Yeah I don’t think I really need to know slope for reading audiobooks or graphic design
#11
The correcting of other people is what I've found bothers people the most. I can't stand listening to others spout information that is incorrect, especially to smaller children that will repeat the endless cycle of stupid, so I say something. Or, when playing trivial pursuit, you know all the answers, but don't know how you know them and get the trivial or critical thought based games banned in your friend circle because, "she's just going to win anyway!"
Joey Marlin 4 years ago
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? I've opted for the latter where it's something that isn't going to hurt the other person by being wrong in some way and it may mean a row or something ensues because people often don't want to believe you.
Chancey 4 years ago
It took me over 55 years to decide that I want to be happy instead of right. Most of the time anyway.
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Jo Choto 4 years ago
It's very hard to cope with "wrong" answers and information. It's especially hard for me, because I'm on the spectrum and things tend to be very black and white. I was in my 40s before I was able to understand that you can just let a lot of things go, unless it's some kind of emergency where the consequences of that wrong answer or information may be catastrophic.
Claudia Schmid 4 years ago
I feel you... Especially in times of Covid when there is so much wrong information around and people are just being stupid!
ZAPanda 4 years ago
If people are spouting misinformation, nuke it. Really. it costs lives. Covid showed us that. Have no mercy.
Joonscrab 4 years ago
It doesn't have to be serious stuff like covid though... Sometimes you should just let it be and have fun
Load More Replies... Claire Stanfield 4 years ago
Consider the relationship, if you're close enough to say something, be gentle. I've found that tacking, "You probably know this, but..." and then issuing my correction works wonders. It gives them credit even if they didn't know or got it wrong, so they can pretend they knew the whole time, if they're sufficiently Oscar-winning.
FailBunny17 4 years ago
Thank you, this is actually a very nice way of going about it.
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Auntriarch 4 years ago
I never understood why people didn't want to know the right answer. That's how I came to know stuff after all
Ashamba 4 years ago
I grew up being told I was "so smart". I guess I was a little bit advanced for my age... Got a superiority complex coached into me. Took pride in explaining what words meant to my little sister and received much praise. Grew into an insufferable know-it-all who wouldn't admit to not knowing something. It took me a long time to un-learn that (and a few too many instances of being caught out for BS). I'm so embarrassed by my past self!
FailBunny17 4 years ago (edited)
😅 This hits home, even still as an adult I get excited to share information/knowledge... Sadly it's usually seen as being a know-it-all and not so much as being a helpful person. *sigh*
Sky Render 4 years ago
Constant. Freaking. Struggle. I used to be worse about it, though. Could not watch any space-themed sci-fi without getting up in arms about how insanely inaccurate it all was.
#12
I used to be so proud of my intellectual abilities and saw myself above many of my peers. Now I loathe myself for that and am realizing there is so much more to a person than being "smart" or "not smart". I'm realizing I was a little jerk inside and even if I tried to be nice on the outside, I still probably hurt people.
Claire Stanfield 4 years ago
This became very clear to me when a classmate of mine pointed to our mutual friend and announced, "She's in the dumb class". She was the gen ed class and we were in Honors. And this was high school. I was shocked, she was certainly old enough to know better than to say something so wrong.
#13
I was the typical over-achiever until University, when I had a mental breakdown and developed depression and an anxiety disorder. Turns out, being intelligent doesn't help so much when the family history of mental illness hits you in early adulthood.
White Paper Tsuru 4 years ago
It was a real pissoff that I couldn't 'think' my way out of depression
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
Yeah when I worked at Pitt we actually got training fliers about keeping an eye out for students struggling because many mental illnesses manifest themselves at 18-22
Kanuli 4 years ago
I say it makes it harder and worse. Since you are that smart you think you should be able to solve this yourself, and resent yourself for not being able to. Even when talking to someone, they can hardly follow or memorize what you are saying and all tipps they give you, you already tried. Which they will see as you are unwilling to contribute. Vicious circle.
Ellen Ranks 4 years ago
Yes, and going to a psychologist doesn't help either because you see right through them, so their plans and tricks don't work either.
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Morgan Macsweeney 4 years ago
yes its true. but whenever you feel this way, just know, if it helps, its a bump in the road of life.. and boy oh boy let me tell you! life / the fates have no qualms about seting up bumps/roadblocks/ ect. hell u never stop learning, its pulling through the walls that mkes u learn more.. idk just probably dumb thing to say but hope helps
Cecily Holland 4 years ago
This is partly the result of idiot parents not teaching their children resilience and in this persons case it’s the above plus lack of support
#14
Have to say the best part of growing up gifted was the "well what'd you miss" I'd get from parents when I brought home anything less than a 100.
Jaekry 4 years ago
Toxic. Redefine your own standards. A 70 is perfect to me (I always need(ed) everything to be a perfect 100. When I'm afraid I won't succeed, I stress, stall or procrastinate. I just get stuck.) Aiming for a 70 is important (for me!) otherwise nothing happens anymore. I will not get the job/task done. Ongoing struggle. Trying to redefine standards that work for me. Hope you all ready figured out yours.
Bobby 4 years ago
I love this Idea, I'm so far behind on so many things and I don't know where to start because I want to get it all done perfectly. The idea of shooting for just improvement instead of perfection already has me feeling better
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Sheila Stamey 4 years ago
The hardest part was leaving the world where I could measure my success, or failure, by a grade. It was pretty much instant feedback. Life doesn't do that. You can putter along, half waying it all the time, and suddenly, BOOM 💥 YOU ARE IN DEEP DOODOO! Life smacks back hard.
Nicola Dimigen 4 years ago
My parents always said that my worth wasn't my grades, but I still felt like that
Melanie Kirk 4 years ago
Oh god yes. I brought home straight As except a B in PE (which was amazing to me) My mom's response was, "What's the B?" I quit any effort at that point
Arthur Waite 4 years ago
In High School, I once got a 100 on a (hard) math test. The teacher invited me up to the front to present me with my 'perfect' paper. I couldn't understand why this was special, after all, isn't 100 what we're supposed to get? And I was a lout about it. Now, I'm sorry.
Claire Stanfield 4 years ago
Ew. My parents wanted me to do a nebulous 'my best' but they were perfectly happy with 90+, not gunning for a specific 100.
My Name Is Mars 4 years ago
Same with teachers. I was in Honors classes throughout middle and high school. I had more than enough pressure from my mom and maternal grandmother: Granny was a member of MENSA, was Chinese, and a full on "tiger mom". Same with my mom. She held impossibly high standards for me academically. Nearly unbearable pressure at home. To go to school and have my teachers express the same disappointment when I didn't have perfect scores was just as painful as having my mother and granny berate me for being less than perfect. It's a no-win situation.
#15
Lonely, because few share your interests.
Lonely, because displaying (showing off?) an intellectual gift brings as much resentment as it does praise (brains are particularly susceptible to resentment because, unlike say soccer or dancing, no one says "hey, your great at that! Thinking just is not my thing lol!". everyone fancies themself to be intelligent, even though everyone can't be).
Lonely, because most people would rather not be corrected, no matter how interesting you personally find the actual accurate information. This might not be clear to you for the first few decades (Actually, did you know that carrots don't substantially aid eyesight? oh, and actually the Pennsylvania Dutch are German. Dutch is an American corruption of Deutsch and....hey, where ya going??)
Lonely, because stories/puzzles/convos that move slow enough to engage most people are interminable to you, and those that move fast enough for you are unintelligible for everyone else.
Lonely because what makes you different can't be seen, so others who're like you might walk right by, and not seek you out. There's no uniform, like a sports jersey our punk rock hair to indicate that you're in the 1%.
Lonely, because logic is your favorite tool, but it is rarely used and often misapplied. Relationships, religion, politics, social situations----it is often OFFENSIVE to apply logic to them. but...you're a logic guy.
Purple light 4 years ago
This is me. Using logic in all the wrong places, like when people want to be comforted by your words en you start explaining everything logically. They just want to be told what a b*stard that other person is, not why you think they might have a valid point too.
Vorknkx 4 years ago
Sooooo relatable. I was the only kid at school to watch sci-fi series, the only kid to listen to heavy music, the only kid with a PC at home (and thus the only one that played Doom), the only kid that wasn't interested in cars, sports or lewd pictures...
Béla Kun 4 years ago
While I tried to look, speak and behave like the other kids, it turned out that applying logic and thinking to mischief can elevate it to a whole new level. I just never thought about consequences, was a hard lesson to learn.
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Bhadrika Love 4 years ago
The carrot thing - it's not just that they don't help with night vision, it's that the idea they do was WWII British propaganda! They'd invented radar and so could find targets at night, but didn't want the Germans to find out, so they really pushed the idea that they were feeding pilots tons of carrots and that's why they could see the targets in the dark.
Morgan Macsweeney 4 years ago
cool! i learned a fact! and i thank you, as should anyone who did not know this bit of interesting information say.. see ? that is the point. we never stop learning. however, dear sir, do i know if u are correct? no. sorry. but will i fact check it later? perhaps dear fellow!mmmmeeeehhh perhaps fact checking is important, but its the discourse and trading of info that make a tha world go round...) ps.please dont take what im saying wrong im add and frankly trump, well,,anyway i do agree sharing right info is good for society
Load More Replies... Kanuli 4 years ago
Until you find that one person that reads you like a book, can challenge whole concepts of your being and intellect with 1 sentence. And makes you believe there must be something greater, love. Happened to me at least 🥰
gustavo silva 4 years ago
To me too! 🙂 Now I look at our newborn and wonder what can I do differently.
Load More Replies... Claire Stanfield 4 years ago
At least you have lighthearted facts. I have a whole morbid side to my interests [recovering the dead from disasters, PTSD in Titanic survivors, dog trainers hiding during 9/11 recovery efforts because the dogs were losing morale at not finding any live bodies] that I can't get into in conversation. Work on not correcting people though. Once you get over the initial discomfort, it does help in relationships. Either that or find friends who enjoy being corrected [they do exist, this is not a joke]?
Lorna Skinner Emmons 4 years ago
I like being corrected. I love learning. Be the smart one doesn't always mean you know everything.
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Random Anon 4 years ago
It's hard when you're younger but it gets better as you "mature". It's only when I got older I realize most people cannot grasp things the way people like us do. As a result, I refrain from being too "honest" in most conversations. If I did, either people get offended because I made them question their perception on the topic or they think I'm sticking it to their face.
Béla Kun 4 years ago (edited)
This! This has everything! Learn about psyche and psychology and behavior becomes logical to, host don't push it with manipulation, it's very easy to do but it's easier to spot than you think, most ppl don't fully get that they are manipulated but after a while they just have agut feeling.
#16
Intellectually, I was waaay ahead of my peer group, but emotionally and socially I wasn't. When I was moved forward a grade, I ended up being the youngest kid in my classes. All of them. So when my classmates were all getting their driver's licenses, I wasn't. When they were all allowed to see the naughty movies, I wasn't. Their parents set curfews that were usually later than mine, because I was younger. And puberty, well, puberty was a very difficult time
Becky Samuel 4 years ago
Oh, this one hits home. Try being a late developing 15 year old when the rest of your class are 17. At best they treat you with condescension as a 'pet' and at worst - well, you can guess.
Sky Render 4 years ago
Stories like that make me glad to be an Aspie and having grown up not caring what the people around me said or did...
Cecily Holland 4 years ago
People running around calling themselves an Ass Pie. How can you be something that doesn’t exist? Yes doesn’t exist. In 2013, the 5th edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) — the ‘bible’ for diagnosticians in the United States and Australia — removed Asperger syndrome. You have Autism. Letting your condition define you and centring your existence around it is unhealthy.
Load More Replies... Morgan Macsweeney 4 years ago
this is similar to what i believe. feel free to correct me. but just because you are smarter than your same age group, does not, i repeat does not! mean you are emotionally ready to be put in a grade of people older than you. they are going through horomonal changes/ other things that you only read about possibly at a younger age. idk how to word this but the E.D/ I/Q ratio really does seem to get muddled. no offense whatsoever to our gifted peers. its simply life, age and idk.... let me stop . ugh i feel bad for these smart children, bc also happened to a generation of some of us. in our era?
#17
Imposter syndrome out the wazoo. Everyone is going to find out that I don't know what I'm doing/am not working as hard as I should be/am not as gifted as they say I am.
Virgil Blue 4 years ago
Ah, so it has a name then. Good to know, since I'm currently looking into getting help for that and other things.
ZAPanda 4 years ago
good, so humility is good. It's the first step to having respect for others. A supervisor once said to me "you're not the only talented person!!". I never forgot it.
Load More Replies... Zwiebel Suppe 4 years ago
"I told everyone I'm gifted so if I make any mistake now, they will call me a fraud and exclude me."
Sky Render 4 years ago
Especially if it's a talent that you just kind of fell into without the usual trials and tribulations! Whenever that happens, I worry that I'm doing something wrong and that everyone else who does that thing knows something I don't that I'm missing. 99% of the time, that is not the case, but that 1% of the time that it is always sticks out most clearly.
El muerto 4 years ago
sometimes I really feel like I know what I'm doing. terrible times, wouldn't recommend! but when I'm not sure what I'm doing means that I'm working a bit pass my level (not very high though) and it makes me work harder, I feel like I'm actually putting and effort, something I don't when I stay in my confort zone...if you are going anywhere, you'll be unconfutable, you will doubt yourself. staying still is nice and easy, there are no doubts, but there is no progress either...that's why, I think, som many smart people end upp feeling average, because they usually staid put in that zone where they are "the smart ones"...I've learned to be masochistic and enjoy the pain and self-doubt that comes with not knowing what you're doing.
#18
I wish I had figured that out while getting my aero degrees. One of my advisors even told me it would be OK for me to leave to go to music school. Now I'm 40, I left engineering years ago and I'm about to release my first album. But hey, I'm a rocket scientist too. So there's that.
#19
I used to be the smart kid. Now I'm the knows-a-couple-of-things guy.
Arthur Waite 4 years ago
A smart man knows what the right answer is... A wise man knows whether to speak.
That_One_Harry_Potter_Nerd 4 years ago
I know lots of random facts and stuff that aren’t really that important but I still find cool. It always turns regular conversation into something interesting when I share a weird fact that no one wanted to know. Lol.
#20
I had a horrific work ethic because I learned in elementary school that because I was smarter than the other kids, I didn't have to work as hard. Generally they would give us "GIFTED" work, and whatever time we had remaining once the work was complete was ours to do with as we liked. The result was learning that the other slobs would toil away all day, and by virtue of being smart, we could just d**k around with Lego or whatever. It wasn't until I got older that I learned to "apply" myself, and went the opposite direction. Now I work, arguably, too much.
DC 4 years ago
Uh ... cool. I was punished for looking out of the window when I was supposed to be stuck with math. When I had a concussion as a result from a fight in first grade, I though I finally got as stupid as I sometimes felt ... I was hardly ever told I was smart without any "but". Like "but you refuse to show it" - then, how do YOU get to know it, I asked after a few months. Got thrown out of class and sent home for the day for that. Uh, what? School always was about making us into equal units of economic explotability. The year preschool was different - left to do what I wanted, often alone. Year one was horrbible on so many levels...
Morgan Macsweeney 4 years ago
please no offense, but for me,. personally, (in first and second grade) i and (others felt cheated and yes jaded) by the tag program.. like it was unfair.. y dont you give me a chance to show my smarts? but i was poor in a rich school.
#21
You are segregated (physically and partially by choice) from average people your age, and you tend to only interact with other smart people who are in the same place you are. You might not learn the necessary social skills, especially since many of your peers don't have them either.
Ari. 4 years ago
Lol in my experience being “smart” in school is being with other “smart” kids, where there’s a lot of art/music nerds, gamers, and big anime fans. So u get a lot of friends/peers who would typically be considered weird
Bhadrika Love 4 years ago
Though you have the skills to interact well with the other "smart" kids - which is a separate, good set of social skills. What is lacking is the mainstream social skills. Hopefully in time you learn those as well, and can "code shift" to interact with both types of people. It's a matter of recognizing that, say, enthusiastic curiosity might not go over very well at work; save it for when you're hanging out with your friends.
Coleby G 4 years ago
Hence “might” For being the smart guy on every comment your lacking reading comprehension skills
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#22
My self esteem, self worth, and happiness are being sucked up by this void feeling of mediocrity creeping into my life. I feel cheated, or like a cheater. I was given a head start early in life but now I'm sort of back to average. I feel like I was wrongly chosen as "gifted" and that I am a complete waste of resources.
Kanuli 4 years ago
Don’t worry. This feeling is present at alot of people. The headstart can be in various levels, be it a healthy supportive family, high intellect, god social skills, physical abilities. On the other hand others have it hard, and feel handicapped, some are even on various levels. You can only try to accept your being, and go on from there. The past can’t be changed, but you can change. Nothing wrong with being average, above or below either. Don’t judge yourself on the scale of others, but accept and love yourself for how and who you are, or who you can become, and work towards being this person you want to be.
Lady Lava 4 years ago (edited)
This! I'm 40 years old, have two degrees, but my career is fragmented, and for various reasons I'm now stuck in a simple job. I'm still struggling hard to find my place and purpose in this world, with a feeling that I haven't accomplished anything and that I've wasted the potential everyone seemed to see in me when I was a child.
#23
I am a severe perfectionist. So much so that I sabotage myself because I happen to make a tiny mistake. The only thing I seem to be good at now is work, because I HAVE to have everything perfect.
Vorknkx 4 years ago
I know the feeling. Sometimes I've scrapped something almost finished and started over due to some irrational feelings that my work is "corrupted" or fundamentally flawed in some imperceivable way. In some cases I've forced myself to leave things as they are, only to be "rewarded" with a constantant nagging in my mind that I did it wrong.
Arthur Waite 4 years ago
A good place for perfectionists is Computer Programming. I was one of the thousands of programmers in Cobol and Assembler, who beat the Y2K bug, and you just know that one single character out of place will blow up the whole job.
Virgil Blue 4 years ago
100% relatable. I punish myself so hard in my head for trivial errors.
Om 4 years ago
I sabotage myself as well, even with little things like house shores etc, because I'm like, I need to do everything perfect, or the best way possible, but I need time, focus, persistency, and I'm like, no I don't have those things, so if I'm not gonna do it perfectly, then I don't do anything at all. Your brain can really become your worst enemy. Even things like going to bed early, even if I finish the stuff on time, my brain always is like, nope, let's find some random youtube video that sends you into a rabbit hole for three hours. But maybe that's a different issue lol but the point is, I used to be very disciplined and never questioned anything. In secondary school I had like 12 subjects per year, and I was able to juggle everything, and still had time to play videogames, watch tv, etc. Now I lack that capacity to focus on something, because I know it won't be enough, or that I'm still lacking skills, so it's like, it won't end up as I want to, so instead I don't do anything
Blackadams 4 years ago
Used to be the smart one...was alwayd praised at being good at all i did...but when you see people who do almost nothing whisk past you in life not once not twice,youjust lose that zeal and now,im the one who second guesses a second guess before i do it, it's just...life isnt ehat peoele usually say it is when they praide you
SlothyK8 4 years ago
So much this. I can't even start anything anymore for fear I'll fail. I'm miserable. After over a decade of being indoctrinated with the "gifted" thing at such a young age and then coupled with parents who only paid attention when I bombed (and not in a good way...punishment) I'm terrified of making mistakes. I'm a perfectionist with everything...housework, folding towels, traveling. I over prepare for everything and freak when little things go wrong. My health is a disaster as a result and that just makes me feel even worse.
Sky Render 4 years ago
I learned to break the perfectionism streak some time around Junior year in high school. About when I realized that I was wasting time and effort on something that was not going to make any difference to anyone save myself.
#24
The hard thing about the real world is just that life doesn't work to where you can do nothing and then ace the test. You have to do every single little step along the way. As menial, and useless as those steps may seem, the real world will always take the guy that averages a C on everything and maybe squeaks out a B- on the test over the guy that says f**k the stupid s**t, and still gets 100% on the final test. (Metaphorically speaking)
ZAPanda 4 years ago
correct. And there's a difference between generally smart (fast processor), knowledgeable (breadth of knowledge), and specialists (depth of knowledge). Decide what you want. Do you want a 'career'? If so, then specialise. If you want to enjoy life, go for breadth.
Al Christensen 4 years ago
"...and specialists (depth of knowledge). " This reminds me of one of my father's quips: A specialist is someone who learns more and more about less and less until they know everything about nothing.
Load More Replies... #25
One thing I missed going from an excellent student in high school to an average one in college was the attention I'd get from teachers as the 'smart one.' I'd always feel they were generally looking out for me more. Of course, it didn't help that college class sizes were gigantic, but that anonymous feeling got to me. A bit embarrassing to admit.
Bobby 4 years ago
I had the same experience with the US navy nuclear power school. Recruiters and RDC's kept telling us we're the elite of the navy intellectually, they brag about the high attrition rate etc etc, I get there and while I can see people struggling with it, i pass middle of the road. Meanwhile in my class we have someone who gets a perfect score on everything (literally) they tell us the program was designed for that to be impossible. That huge disparity between his intelligence and mine really was a wake up call of sorts
DennyS (denzoren) 4 years ago
Nothing embarrassing there, we've all experienced it at some point.
Claire Stanfield 4 years ago
A lot of being 'smart' in class is just responding to the teacher. I would make comments in English class all the time merely summarizing what my other classmates had said. That was what caused the teacher to feel like we understood and can move on to the next topic.
thatmagicgaychick 4 years ago
also the reverse, not liking the attention so trying to blend in.
otplus 4 years ago
I developed a neurological condition in university that made everything Take twice ad much time. Because i have really low energy, that just put things into perspective. So i just developed other abilities, my secondary abilities so to speak, not speed but creativity, then i stood up again, but it really kills you when the teacher tells you used to be a really good student, but its really not my fault.
#26
My entire life I was top of the class, and I told myself it was okay I wasn't thin or pretty because I was smart. Then I went to a relatively prestigious university and suddenly I was surrounded by people who were just as smart or smarter than me, but also hot. It ruined me, and destroyed my self esteem.
I also developed this pathological perfectionism which caused/causes me so much anxiety I'm unable to work and then feeds into itself.
Jo87 4 years ago (edited)
The thing with being super smart and super hot is both those things take an incredible amount of time and energy. A lot of focus on yourself not others, a lot of effort and stress to be so perfect in everyway, when really it's all pretty immaterial to anyone but themselves. It's only a random commentor on BP's opinion, but I think finding some value in not being so self absorbed is a very strong trait ❤️ A perfectionists' 80% effort is a much higher standard than most people's 100% so you will always be impressive, even on a bad day ❤️
Joey Marlin 4 years ago
I hope that board actually was more visible to people than it appears, otherwise how annoying!
#27
We're going to spend a week's worth of classes learning one concept. Gifted Student, you're going to get this in five minutes and sit in the back corner reading for the rest of the week while I get more and more angry and yell at you for not paying attention. I'm going to sent you to in school suspension for one day this week, meaning you'll miss one of those classes. You'll be back in time for the test and still get the highest grade in the class, which will make me hate you even more.
KatKaleen 4 years ago
I had something similar happen, but because of my ADD. To this day I zone out when somebody is talking and I have nothing else to occupy my eyes and hands with, so I used to draw in the margins of my notes. With almost every new teacher it would take some time of them asking me a question out of the blue and me being able to answer it correctly for them to figure out I was, in fact, paying attention, just not looking at them. On one occasion, my former English teacher approached me when I thought I'd bombed the first test of the year with an F and was crying in the hallway. She couldn't believe one of her A-students could drop like that and took the test to the teachers' room. I don't know what was said and done, but I got the test back with a B and my new teacher stopped being so pissy with me.
Morgan Macsweeney 4 years ago
thank u for saying.. idk how to word it but i was indeed smart, still told i am, but my adhd fudges it and my life up..idk wanted to say more. but cant even think it sux. test soon whether i have add or not.
Load More Replies... Virgil Blue 4 years ago
I had this a lot. Gifted kids can't help they absorb things faster. Why hate them for it.
ZAPanda 4 years ago
mediocre insecure teachers. The good teachers are the ones who can spot it and encourage you e.g. by giving you different or new work.
Load More Replies... Sky Render 4 years ago
Oh I had a doozy for this once. The teacher assigned the reading for the first few weeks of the term in history class. I reached the end of that section on the first or second day, so I kept going. I ended up reading the entire history book cover to cover before the first test. That was one dull class after that...
Vorknkx 4 years ago
Happened to me often. I'd be bored out of my mind as the rest of the class went over something I had already figured out...
ZAPanda 4 years ago
teaching is tough. You either stream kids on intelligence/ability and end up with "the smart class" or "the dumb class" which means that one class is way ahead of the others, or, you mix them and then every class goes as slow as the dumbest kid because you have to keep repeating stuff. Tedious. Bring on digital!
Load More Replies... Lorna Skinner Emmons 4 years ago
I set the curve for the class. The teacher made sure the other kids knew who to blame
Eve Binette 4 years ago
Oh god me and my son disturbing the class because we are already finished.
Random Anon 4 years ago
One thing about the school I went to, they don't care. As long as your grades are good, you can be absent, as long as you do not drop below the minimum attendance. This is how I can work before I turned 15 and still graduating high school with top grades.
gustavo silva 4 years ago
I usually fell asleep. Had 4 or 5 teachers tgat reaaaally hated me. No idea how I would do it differently as of today :(
#28
Skipped a grade, which I probably could have used to become more emotionally mature. Cried a lot in math class.
Bobby 4 years ago
They are telling me my daughter can skip from kindergarten to 2nd grade. I'm not doing it because of this
Evil Little Thing 4 years ago
Good, don't. I was skipped from kindergarten to second grade and it was terrible.
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#29
I have always felt an immense pressure from my family (parents and my parents close friends who are like my aunts and uncles) to work hard and not squander the gift I was born with. I will be receiving my Ph.D in biomedical science and translational medicine next Friday. My current work focuses on identifying a novel protein complex that is involved in Triglyceride metabolism. Hopefully I lived up to their expectations and can leave something behind in this world to benefit mankind....or a pharmaceutical company hires me and pays me a boatload of money.
Al Christensen 4 years ago
Sometimes I think the best thing for child prodigies is to take them from their overbearing parents and put them in a boarding school where they can function without all the do-it-for-us-and-all-your-ancestors-and-the-future-of-the-planet-and-for- our-bragging-rights crap.
Brandy Grote 4 years ago
Can you come study me? Triglycerides staying high no matter what meds I'm on....
ZAPanda 4 years ago
good for you. Health sciences are super important. Covid taught us that. Who cares about the rest of things, really? I've lived well and experienced all the 'normal'. Being skilled at something rare is way more important to this world. Go be a messiah, who cares if others don't like it?
#30
Not going to lie, you grow up feeling kind of entitled to good test scores/grades, and when that doesn't actually happen you start re-evaluating your life. Then, when you take classes with other gifted kids, and see that you're part of the "average" section of that group, you reconsider every academic achievement you've received, haha.
I'm still a top student in my grade, still too lazy to do my homework (not as much as others though), but I stopped getting upset when my test scores didn't surpass those of my friends.
Om 4 years ago
In my case I never felt special. All the opposite, my classmates made sure, or I allowed them to make me feel embarrassed of being the first of my class. I never wanted to talk about my scores with my family, etc, I felt bad when teachers showed preference for me. Many of my classmates in elementary for example, didn't put effort in getting good grades because "I was gonna be the best score anyways" but once we moved to secondary school, I learned many of those average students actually became the first of their classes. So the potential was there, but I was their obstacle in showing their true capabilities since elementary. I now understand that's on them, but for many years I felt guilty, ashamed, and totally not proud of being the "smartest kid on the class"
Samantha Becker 4 years ago
I never did homework. I just didn't understand why I needed to. My fifth grade teacher told me flat out that the only reason I passed was because I aced every test, so I just kept doing that. In high school, I'd copy friends' homework, if I bothered to turn in anything at all. I didn't have the highest GPA, but I tested well, and that seemed good enough. Then I joined the Army, where I HAD to do dumb s**t for no reason, so when I went to college afterward, I was better prepared for pointless term papers. If I'd gone to college right out of HS, I'd have flunked out in the first semester.
Brenda Spagnola 4 years ago
Was put in "advanced classes " in 5th grade, taking Spanish and 9th and 10th grade English. Missed math classes in 5th and 6th grade and it hurt me later on. (I still sick at math. ) in 9th grade I was taking college freshman English from the same teacher who taught my 12th grade sister. She was constantly compared to me and ended up resenting me for it. My mom never let me think I was better than others. She expected good grades in English, but as long as I tried my best, she didn't expect straight As. We moved from NJ to Texas for 10th through 12th. Suddenly I had to actually study as these schools were more advanced than my old one. While I'm a great learner, I had to learn to apply myself. Luckily I learned before I left HS. When I went to college at age 30, it was a personal achievement to make good grades and be asked to join the honor society. It was clear others were as smart or smarter than me
Ellen Ranks 4 years ago
Was sooo bored in college, I would read books in class etc.. They asked me not to come disturb the class anymore so I only returned to school for exams which I passed easily. Then found out at university I actually had to work to get good grades and pay attention.
#31
There is an exceptional amount of pressure on you to continue to meet previous performances, and you feel like even the slightest perturbation in your scores directly effects your status.
ZAPanda 4 years ago
nah, this one i figured out already in school. Do mediocre work and engage the teacher in chat on their topic. They will love you because you care about their topic, and they'll see the mediocre work and know it is because you're bored. Result: still teacher's pet but don't have to work too hard.
Claire Stanfield 4 years ago
[wonders how long it will take for all the perfectionists to start mentioning 'affects']
#32
I befriended a lot of the tough kids growing up because they wanted my homework. I never got bullied and the kids stood up for me if anyone tried to. Recently, those tough kids helped me laugh off a really messy breakup and gave me the reassurance that everything was going to be ok because after all of these years, they still had my back. This special friendship has helped my self-esteem tremendously since I was very young. I grew up in a bad part of town, so you had to know people and have the coolest stuff out there... I was dirt poor, so my mentality growing up was, "if I was able to befriend them, I must be cool." I think that's why I get hot headed at times. Also, I've become a really good resource for some since moving back home after college. Want someone to fix something for you on the low? I got you. Want to find work? I got you, too.
#33
I got into my state's "gifted" high school program which, unlike most of its kind, included all four core subjects instead of just math and science. It was amazing. College level chemistry, calculus, literature, and geography. Interdisciplinary coordination of all four subjects: e.g. we studied logic in math class while covering rhetoric in language and holding debates in a US government course. Video conferences with topic experts simulcast to all participating schools. A half dozen field trips each year. The opportunity to participate on a FIRST robotics team, which was just a magical experience. The same five teachers for all four years, who became our mentors over time, and the same twenty classmates, who became my best friends. We even did an annual culminating project that required us to do original research to answer a question no one ever had before. We worked on this project throughout the school year, and it counted as the final exam grade in all courses. These experiences broadened my perspective, brought me out of a thick shell, and got me hooked on exploring the universe. I can't thank those teachers enough. I an incredibly fortunate to have experienced all of this for free, in a public school system, right here in the US. It truly was a model for how secondary education should work, and I owe much of my understanding of the world to that school district.
Claire Stanfield 4 years ago
This is how this person's life turned out - coming out of their shell and exploring the universe. Sounds fine.
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Bhadrika Love 4 years ago
This sounds amazing! And really nice to not have "gifted = misery and inevitable mental illness."
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
This sounds awesome. Sadly its really hard to get that level of coordination and funding
#34
I've been thinking so often ever since I left for university: What if I'm NOT smart? What if I'm just a self-centered little prick who spends too much time comparing herself to others?
There's no real problem with not being as smart as others, but being "the smart kid" was part of my identity for so long. Sometimes it gets really scary and hard, doubting who I am and what I am capable of and how I fit with the rest of the world.
Sky Render 4 years ago
Again, glad I'm an Aspie and never cared about what others thought. I just did my thing, and only found out after the fact that the way I did it was not only atypical but also exceptional.
Darlene Redden 4 years ago
I was gifted back in the 80s when they didn't have gifted programs. I never studied. I never did my homework. I was a year younger than all my classmates. I quit school the minute I turn 16 even though I should have graduated at 17, got pregnant at 18. Felt like a fraud and a failure my entire life. Hopefully they do better for smart kids nowadays. They really are a different breed and need a different emotional education to keep them from crashing and burning
#35
I was the "smart kid" up until high school. Never studied, everything was easy, advanced reading blah blah blah. Now im a C+/B student and have no f**king clue how to study.
Ross Warren 4 years ago
I felt the same way. As a young kid in elementary school my reading and comprehension was high school level so I never bothered to exercise those skills. As I got older and my classmates caught up, I wasn't special anymore.
ZAPanda 4 years ago
Depends on what you want to study. If it's not sciences, you can basically start by googling "how to skimread" and "how to read an index of a book". It's trivial. Every essay outside of sciences has a standard structure. Read paragraph 1, paragraph last, and look for the word "therefore" in the document. Done.
Kanuli 4 years ago
Funny how all these smart ass kids have no idea how to type „how to study“ into google.
Vorknkx 4 years ago
Spoiler alert: Google didn't exist when some of us grew up ;)
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#36
It made me lazy
Vorknkx 4 years ago
Lazy + mild case of ADHD. I do get the work done, but in a last-minute rush, as you can imagine. Hard to focus on something unless I'm really passionate about it.
Kathakdancer 4 years ago
this perfectly described me… but i don’t have ADHD
Load More Replies... Kanuli 4 years ago
Still lazy. As long as you like your job, and they don’t argue if you procrastinate, I dont see a problem other than a bit wasted potential. But then again I know I am not that smart that I could change the world. And then again, I would only try to change it for the worse as I resent humanity.
#37
It gave me a false sense of pride.
Peppermallow 4 years ago
I thought I was being chased by lions but then I realised it was false pride
#38
IAMA graduate student.
Everyone in my program was "the smart kid". Some people have trouble adjusting to an environment in which they are now thoroughly average.
Bobby 4 years ago
It was great for me to be paired with other "gifted" people. Let me see that while compared to people as a whole I might be above average intelligence, when compared to similar people I wasn't even average, I felt like the bottom of the barrel there. That might sound bad, but I loved it after I adjusted
#39
My nephew actually had serious academic issues because of how smart he is. Hear me out. Up until high school, he didn't have to study whatsoever and he could do all of his homework on the bus. When he started HS, he had no idea how to study and sitting down to actually concentrate on homework was difficult for him too. It probably didn't help that his narcissistic a**hole mother declared that he was a child prodigy a little too soon. God damn do I hate my sister in law...
#40
I often found myself in the 90+ percentile on reading comprehension and math. Took all gifted classes in middle school, graduated high school early. As kid, I always wished I was much smarter. (I wanted to be a genius, instead I have mediocre smarts) I still do this as an adult, but now I also realize how little other people think at times... most of the time.
Jean-Daniel Mohier 4 years ago
Wow, I felt that one. At 44 I keep telling people I just want to be a machine...
#41
We're still learning about subject & predicates in freaking high school? And making posters too? When you factor in the two years of core curriculum in college, it felt like my life was in repeats for the first twenty years. Now I'm so tuned out I'll never get back the frequency and make something of myself.
#43
Is one of your top 5 strengths finders assessment attributes "ideation" and "can't get s**t done because my focus is totally on the next best idea?"
Abso-f**kin-lutely
#44
When I was younger I was one of the "gifted" students. Scored high on a state test in the third grade and was invited to take an IQ test for entry into the program. I made it in and we got additional use of computers and got to go on a bunch of field trips. We were also encouraged to read at a much higher reading level than our peers. Chess was a very popular pastime in the class and everyone had to know how to play. Also, creative thinking was strongly encouraged and nurtured. During my high school time I was consistently a C student enrolled in all honors classes. I didnt really have problems understanding the work. I just didnt like doing homework. As an adult, academically, im about the same as anyone else who has taken any college level classes. The differences at this point are that I seem to comprehend things faster and and my friends use me like a living google (srsly guys, you have a phone in your pocket. Look it up.) I greatly appreciate the opportunity I had to be part of such a program but I do think that some of those same opportunities would have probably helped the struggling students more.
#46
I got the impression that no rules applied for a while. I was disabused of that notion by law enforcement in my late teens and early 20s but the attitude was a disservice for a while.
#47
Early on in high school I discovered I could coast with no effort. Went to college because it was expected of me (didn't know what to study) and found out I didn't know how to study/face obstacles. Basically, I went in with this idea of "I'm smart" and when I got in trouble academically, I still clung to that and made a huge mistake: I started telling myself I wasn't really trying. You see, if you don't actually try, you don't fail, or so I thought. I was thinking like "well of course I'm smart, if I really tried I would succeed, but I didn't really try." It didn't help that I was going through some major depression at the time and was rather socially isolated. Anyway, two semester and some bad grades, I dropped out. I built the whole thing up as a boogeyman in my mind and for years I avoided going back. Finally I did, and in a lot of ways, I felt deprogrammed. I was no longer a smart outcast, now I was a guy in his mid twenties attending classes with kids straight out of high school. Pretty humbling, but the whole thing was good for me. I can honestly say I was glad not to have the same pressure on me, or the same expectation to excel. Going back was a great decision, although I do find myself wishing I've done it earlier. Mostly the consequence of the whole thing has been that I'm always feeling like I'm playing catch-up in my life. Like, here's where I was supposed to be in my late 20's, and here's where I actually am.
#48
I took gifted classes throughout elementary and middle school. Without anything ever being difficult to learn and not experiencing the burden of "trying", I lacked a lot of discipline that students who actually put time and effort into their work had at the same age. I fell behind. I fell behind hard. Now I'm a college dropout looking for a job.
#49
I had a friend who's parents pushed her. She was given support her siblings didn't get. They used their power working in the school system to get her out of taking chemistry, that she was failing, without any repercussions to her GPA. She ended up as valedictorian, despite not having the top GPA. She got all the scholarships, she gave speeches to important people. She met the president and many industry, business, and political leaders. She dropped out of college in her second year, got pregnant by some guy from another country that abandoned her. She's a single mom that lives off her parents, works part time as a grade school tutor and is a clown for the circus in the summer.
#50
Flunked out of college, depression, some low brow work, then went back to college when I was 25. Only by then I'd built up such a phobia of trying something difficult and possibly failing, that I still failed. I've got a decent job now, bluffed my way into it by browsing through some tutorials on SQL and such the morning before the interview. Still, compared to friends who did do college, I'm easily 10+ years 'behind' by now, which sucks. And I still get incredibly anxious when I actually have to try hard to understand something at work.
What do you think ?
Firefoxy3121 4 years ago
I was one of the 'gifted' kids in primary school and then I hit high school and everything just went wrong. Then I got diagnosed with ADD and anxiety which is apparently why
BoopBoop 4 years ago
This is my exact story. Getting an IQ test in elementary school was a curse.
Load More Replies...
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
I'm really baffled by the ones who say they had a problem with being lazy or a bad work ethic. the fact it came easy didn't stop me working my a** off... Granted, I'd be bored stiff when I'd worked through the books, but then I'd get *other* ones...??? Am I the only one who did that? Great, now I'm more of a weirdo.
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
Plus my parents were big on work ethic and growing up on a farm you learned how to just go on and get it done.
Load More Replies...
whodunnitfan2013 4 years ago
My narcissistic parents forced me to always be perfect, especially academically. They taught me my grades directly reflected my self-worth and school was more important than my mental health. I graduated from school in May, and I'm still recovering. Damaged my self-esteem big time.
humdrum 4 years ago
Congratulations! Now get away from them. You'll be alright.
Load More Replies... Evil Little Thing 4 years ago (edited)
I've tested two (or more) standard deviations from the mean all my life, so yeah - "gifted". But I have ADHD and didn't learn discipline until after I was 25 and had a baby (making a lot of mistakes along the way). I went back to college at 30 and absolutely slayed, then went into a PhD program. Now I'm a postdoc researching the emotional and cognitive benefits of psychedelics. My baby is nearly 17, and apparently trying to flunk the 11th grade. I'm going to let him. He can repeat it.
Viviane 4 years ago
Sounds like you're letting him learn from experience. One of my colleagues was annoyed when her son's marks started to drop in high school (sometimes he slacks). Since he ran a business, I advised her: "Tell him his education is an investment. If he does well, he can go into Engineering at university. If he doesn't, he can go to a community college and pull his marks up there." He's in university now.
Load More Replies...
Jerry T 4 years ago
When I was in first or second grade I was tested for the "gifted" program. When I told my friends I was going to take the test they told me that kids in the gifted program had school all summer. The last thing I wanted was to be forced into extra school so I intentionally tanked the test. I failed it by a slim margin so I was retested 3 times and each time I barely failed until the final time when I really crunked it up. I moved around alot, including moving to different states and some of the transitions were really hard. Sometimes I look back and wonder how things would have turned out with the added label of "Gifted." I think that not having those expectations helped me keep my head above water. That being said, I also had to learn how to study once I went to college because I was never really challenged before that point. I now try to work with my kids to try instilling those skills before they get blindsided like I did.
Piet Puk 4 years ago
The frustration of identifying problems, and offering solutions, then being ignored and a year later it takes multiple people months of meetings to come up with the same solution.
Joey Marlin 4 years ago
Always write things down, keep meticulous records. Then you can go 'voilà' when they have that inevitable first meeting.
Load More Replies... Bill Evs 4 years ago
What I hated was being treated as everyone's problem solver. It's totally my own fault as for a long time I did just that for family and friends. However as the years went on it began to wear me down. I got asked for help for everything from financial investments, relationship problems, IT, etc, etc. It got to the point where these people weren't even trying anymore and just expecting me to magically impart whatever knowledge they needed to fix whatever problem they were currently facing (I'm not talking about advice or guidance, I mean literally expecting me to pull a solution to a very real problem off the top of my head because they didn't want to pay a professional or figure it out themselves). The worst part however was whenever I needed help I'd get nonchalant shrugs and "I dunno". It started getting to the point of ridiculousness with people expecting answers to things an expert in that field with years of experience would struggle with. In the end I just stated saying "I dunno"
Martha Meyer 4 years ago
Special schools for gifted kids are reall necessary imo. That way they can interact with other children their age and learn social skills without being teh odd young one out, and also be challenged enough intellectually to require actual effort and learning skills from them.
Jo Choto 4 years ago
Part 3: -- with other human beings. It matters to be kind and compassionate. It matters to have a sense of humour, especially about yourself. It matters to have a strong sense of ethics and common decency and good manners. It matters to share what you have with other people in a way that lifts them up. It matters to develop yourself as a whole human being, especially emotionally. Most people when they first meet me have no idea what I'm like. After a while, it sort of becomes obvious, but I don't lead with my IQ. I would rather people say I am warm and kind and caring and funny, and I am those things. I will always battle with a great sense of isolation, because even in Mensa groups, I have not found anyone I can relate to, especially as far as some of my thought processes go, but that's okay. IQ does not determine the value of a person, even when that's how we feel valued sometimes. I love my brain though, and wouldn't change it for the world. Still wish I was pretty though!
Jo Choto 4 years ago
Part 2: -- and out of touch with reality). I got thrown out of home. I have more letters after my name than in it. I have never studied. I have a phenomenal memory which is all that has been required for me get my qualifications. I am a linguist. I speak many languages. It took me two weeks to learn conversational Dutch. I taught myself how to play around 10 different musical instruments. I do algebra for fun. I was working out the laws of physics and coming up with theories before I ever studied physics. I theorized pangaea before I ever learned geography. I am a published writer. I have succeeded at every mental/intellectual thing I have ever tried. It has kept going like this my whole life. I feel as different from most human beings as I do from an octopus. I understand I am so far from average as to not even understand what that is. And none of that matters. None of it. What I have learned is the most important thing about being a human being, is how to get along-
Firefoxy3121 4 years ago
I was one of the 'gifted' kids in primary school and then I hit high school and everything just went wrong. Then I got diagnosed with ADD and anxiety which is apparently why
BoopBoop 4 years ago
This is my exact story. Getting an IQ test in elementary school was a curse.
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
I'm really baffled by the ones who say they had a problem with being lazy or a bad work ethic. the fact it came easy didn't stop me working my a** off... Granted, I'd be bored stiff when I'd worked through the books, but then I'd get *other* ones...??? Am I the only one who did that? Great, now I'm more of a weirdo.
Samantha Lomb 4 years ago
Plus my parents were big on work ethic and growing up on a farm you learned how to just go on and get it done.
Load More Replies... whodunnitfan2013 4 years ago
My narcissistic parents forced me to always be perfect, especially academically. They taught me my grades directly reflected my self-worth and school was more important than my mental health. I graduated from school in May, and I'm still recovering. Damaged my self-esteem big time.
humdrum 4 years ago
Congratulations! Now get away from them. You'll be alright.
Load More Replies... Evil Little Thing 4 years ago (edited)
I've tested two (or more) standard deviations from the mean all my life, so yeah - "gifted". But I have ADHD and didn't learn discipline until after I was 25 and had a baby (making a lot of mistakes along the way). I went back to college at 30 and absolutely slayed, then went into a PhD program. Now I'm a postdoc researching the emotional and cognitive benefits of psychedelics. My baby is nearly 17, and apparently trying to flunk the 11th grade. I'm going to let him. He can repeat it.
Viviane 4 years ago
Sounds like you're letting him learn from experience. One of my colleagues was annoyed when her son's marks started to drop in high school (sometimes he slacks). Since he ran a business, I advised her: "Tell him his education is an investment. If he does well, he can go into Engineering at university. If he doesn't, he can go to a community college and pull his marks up there." He's in university now.
Load More Replies... Jerry T 4 years ago
When I was in first or second grade I was tested for the "gifted" program. When I told my friends I was going to take the test they told me that kids in the gifted program had school all summer. The last thing I wanted was to be forced into extra school so I intentionally tanked the test. I failed it by a slim margin so I was retested 3 times and each time I barely failed until the final time when I really crunked it up. I moved around alot, including moving to different states and some of the transitions were really hard. Sometimes I look back and wonder how things would have turned out with the added label of "Gifted." I think that not having those expectations helped me keep my head above water. That being said, I also had to learn how to study once I went to college because I was never really challenged before that point. I now try to work with my kids to try instilling those skills before they get blindsided like I did.
Piet Puk 4 years ago
The frustration of identifying problems, and offering solutions, then being ignored and a year later it takes multiple people months of meetings to come up with the same solution.
Joey Marlin 4 years ago
Always write things down, keep meticulous records. Then you can go 'voilà' when they have that inevitable first meeting.
Load More Replies... Bill Evs 4 years ago
What I hated was being treated as everyone's problem solver. It's totally my own fault as for a long time I did just that for family and friends. However as the years went on it began to wear me down. I got asked for help for everything from financial investments, relationship problems, IT, etc, etc. It got to the point where these people weren't even trying anymore and just expecting me to magically impart whatever knowledge they needed to fix whatever problem they were currently facing (I'm not talking about advice or guidance, I mean literally expecting me to pull a solution to a very real problem off the top of my head because they didn't want to pay a professional or figure it out themselves). The worst part however was whenever I needed help I'd get nonchalant shrugs and "I dunno". It started getting to the point of ridiculousness with people expecting answers to things an expert in that field with years of experience would struggle with. In the end I just stated saying "I dunno"
Martha Meyer 4 years ago
Special schools for gifted kids are reall necessary imo. That way they can interact with other children their age and learn social skills without being teh odd young one out, and also be challenged enough intellectually to require actual effort and learning skills from them.
Jo Choto 4 years ago
Part 3: -- with other human beings. It matters to be kind and compassionate. It matters to have a sense of humour, especially about yourself. It matters to have a strong sense of ethics and common decency and good manners. It matters to share what you have with other people in a way that lifts them up. It matters to develop yourself as a whole human being, especially emotionally. Most people when they first meet me have no idea what I'm like. After a while, it sort of becomes obvious, but I don't lead with my IQ. I would rather people say I am warm and kind and caring and funny, and I am those things. I will always battle with a great sense of isolation, because even in Mensa groups, I have not found anyone I can relate to, especially as far as some of my thought processes go, but that's okay. IQ does not determine the value of a person, even when that's how we feel valued sometimes. I love my brain though, and wouldn't change it for the world. Still wish I was pretty though!
Jo Choto 4 years ago
Part 2: -- and out of touch with reality). I got thrown out of home. I have more letters after my name than in it. I have never studied. I have a phenomenal memory which is all that has been required for me get my qualifications. I am a linguist. I speak many languages. It took me two weeks to learn conversational Dutch. I taught myself how to play around 10 different musical instruments. I do algebra for fun. I was working out the laws of physics and coming up with theories before I ever studied physics. I theorized pangaea before I ever learned geography. I am a published writer. I have succeeded at every mental/intellectual thing I have ever tried. It has kept going like this my whole life. I feel as different from most human beings as I do from an octopus. I understand I am so far from average as to not even understand what that is. And none of that matters. None of it. What I have learned is the most important thing about being a human being, is how to get along-
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