The first day at a new job can be extremely overwhelming. Remembering names, learning protocol, trying to keep up with a new, fast-paced environment and maintaining your cool while simultaneously convincing your boss and yourself that you’ll be able to juggle all of your new responsibilities is a lot.
But not everyone can handle the pressure of starting a new job, and unfortunately, some people manage to lose their positions just as quickly as they earned them. Redditors have recently been sharing stories of the fastest ways people have ever been fired, so we’ve gathered some of their most shocking and entertaining anecdotes below. Enjoy reading through and feeling grateful that you’ve managed to hold down a job, and be sure to upvote the stories you can’t believe actually happened!
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First day at work he took one look at his would-be boss and declared "I won't work under a woman". So he was shown the door.
I saw a coworker once make a "big boobs" gesture as our boss' wife walked past....with our boss walking right behind her.
He was packing his s**t within 5 minutes.
Hired a bunch for temp workers for data entry. Friday a young woman (21+yo to work for this agency) no shows to work, so I call temp agency and they send a replacement at noon.
Monday morning the young woman shows up and tells me that Friday her friends were going to the beach and she thought it was unfair that they had day off while she had to work. So she "Skipped". That is a real quote, "Skipped" like ditching school.
Told her she was already fired on Friday, to go home.
Then she says her mom dropped her off and she had not ride till 5pm. (In a city, so there was public transport available)
Told her "Sorry, in the adult world you have to clean up your own messes. bye."
Years ago I had a thirty-year-old flatmate with similar ideas. She had a good job with a good salary, but she decided to resign mid-summer because all her friends were having a good time, going to the beach and the swimming pool every day, so it was not fair she had to work.
I worked IT in a high school. We hired a new HS tech. He came to shadow me for a few days. I told him don't f**k with money or kids and you're golden. Two weeks later he was dating a high school senior. Fired on the spot.
Had a supervisor start selling Amway from his office, hinted at favorable treatment for anyone who would buy. Reported him to HR--and when they asked if it was true, he pulled out a catalog and tried to sell them something. Fired on the spot.
New vice president of HR was introduced to company on Monday's morning meeting.
He went to the head of the room, said he was going to tell a little joke to break the ice...and told a racist joke.
Jaws were hitting the floor and dead silence followed.
He said oh I guess you didn't get it, let me tell it again.
Before he was halfway through the second sentence of the 'joke' another VP got up, put his arm around him, and walked him out of the room.
Never seen again.
I did the firing.
I was sous chef of a large reception hall, meaning serving food to hundreds and hundreds of guests.
One party had a big seafood display. Shrimp, oysters, crab legs & vodka, all in a giant decorative box of ice.
When that portion of dinner service was finished, two new waiters were tasked with returning the big ice box + leftovers to the kitchen and dish pit.
**They dumped the ice back into the ice machine.**
The contaminated ice. It even had some discarded shells.
I saw it happen. I had to show them the door immediately and have a serious talk with their head waiter. They lasted 2 hours, tops.
Those idiots could've killed someone.
Imagine you have a severe shellfish allergy and the ice in your glass of water is lethal.
Holy Hannah! My sister is deathly allergic, that would kill her. We check everything, but would never think of worrying about her gin and tonic!
First day at work, hired by a temp agency. Me and one other guy, we put stuff in boxes and tape them shut, stack boxes on a pallet. He can't keep up, can barely use a tape gun and decides it's time for a break. Goes to the lunch room and takes a lunch. It was the boss's lunch, he stole the guy's meal his wife prepared for him. The boss man came over 15 mins later and wants to know who ate his BBQ, sticky fingers, and BBQ on his shirt he denies it. I just look at him and the Boss and said well I hope it was good man..
I truly don’t understand people who eat others leftovers. You have no idea how clean their kitchen and cooking habits are and seasoning. I often lick the spoon when I cook so if you eat my leftovers you’re also eating my saliva. Bon appetit!
I used to work at a small business. A new hire made a comment in passing that he didn’t support gay marriage. Somehow he failed to realize that the two women who owned the place were a lesbian couple.
Dude's first day, on a team next to mine gets an assignment, as soon as the lead leaves the area he leans over to another guy and threatens that if he doesn't do his work for him he's going to "kick his a*s after work".
I got up to the managers, we walked over and escorted him out. He was there all of 2 hours.
On his way out he's knocking over chairs and screaming that he'll be "waiting for us in the parking lot". F****n nuts.
Had a coworker explain to our supervisor how he found this great loophole for making extra money: if a customer had exact change, he’d just pocket the cash and cancel the order on the register.
Working security at a concert venue. Coworker confiscated a mini bottle of Fireball that someone snuck in, and then he drank it in front of everyone. Instantly went from confiscation (part of the job) to stealing and also drinking on the job.
Dude sent out a company-wide email at the start of pride month including bible verses about how all gay people need to be murdered.
First day at work for this new dude. We pick him up at 07:00AM... He hops into the car and goes : "Ahhhh, Jeez...when are we finishing work today? I'm beat. Can you guys buy me a pack of cigarettes? Oh, and just so you know, I only eat Meat for lunch..." The boss stopped the car, and told him to get out. It was like 07:03...
A colleague let a middle school kid drive the bus. Buh-bye!
I am a former medical professional, I was a manager of two buildings. One a nursing home and the other a high security mental facility. Our place was short staffed as they all are and my job duties consisted of wearing many hats. I trained, did narc count, worked the night shift and day shift on top of being a manager. My trainee, we will call her Nancy, was shadowing me about my monster and coffee fueled day (I was 3/4 through a 24 hr shift) and I was explaining the steps to giving someone insulin (she was fresh out of CMA class) so she decided to grab the needle and stab the patient in the neck without even getting the insulin and stared at me and says “So … um like.. like that?”
I was flabbergasted and, I know this is surprising, I fired her.
I was a police instructor. I was driving down a road to deliver some stuff (mid shift) and I saw headlights in the opposite lane not moving toward me. I slowed down, then noticed it was a marked unit. I stopped next to it and the officer was asleep...in the middle of the road, unit in park, mouth open asleep!
A guy got fired at my bar for shaving his head in the beer cooler.
Why? His kids had lice.
He even sang a song about how he was high and shaving on the boss man's time.
There's a video too, you can see the GM staring in wtf shock in the background.
Came out from the back and joined us while we were talking about work related stuff, and he had a beer can in his hand. I immediately stopped talking about what I was talking about before and asked him: "Dude. What the f**k are you doing?" Him: "uh...drinking juice? What does it look like?" My boss: "That's not a f*****g juice dude, that's a spiked seltzer. It's alcohol." Him: "pfft, ok so?" *Takes another sip* He was 16. He was fired on the spot and had to be dragged out because he was adamant it wasn't a big deal and threatened to stab me with his pocket knife when I tried taking it from him.
Where are they now? Municipal jail, state penitentiary or federal prison?
I was quality assurance for a place that evaluated operations involving explosives. I was leaving soon, so my replacement was hired (I recommended against his hiring because I'd heard bad things and he seemed shady..... but they hired him anyway).
So on his first day, I was tasked with training him on the job. He was already highly qualified on explosives (more qualified than I was, in fact).
Anyway, as we're evaluating a couple of guys working on the internals of a live AIM-120 missile. This clown's CELLPHONE goes off in his pocket. To even get into the bay we were in, you have to walk past about 4 signs that say to leave all electronic devices outside because even tiny amounts of EM emissions can set off the explosives, especially when the covers are removed/dissassembled.
So I wrote up my replacement with a Direct Safety Violation and he didn't have a job by the time he got back to the office. Quality Assurance's reputation was in the crapper for months. That idiot could have gotten 5 people killed, including himself.
Within two weeks a new hire was found sleeping in the middle of a fort of inventory he made. They walked him out immediately.
My first job was in a small grocery store and my boss asked a coworker to do the dishes in the bakery (baking pans, etc). She replied: “I only do my own dishes, somebody else put these here so I’m not doing them. I’m serious. Fire me if you want, I won’t do them.”
Boss says “Okay then, don’t bother finishing your shift, goodbye!”
I worked at a movie theater as a teenager. Some suits from corporate office were at the theater doing stuff, including a really beautiful young woman in her early- to mid-twenties, who was in the group wearing a short jacket and a knee-length pencil skirt.
We all had radios, and I was taking tickets near where the suits were hanging out talking to my boss when my radio crackled and I hear, "Holy s**t, guys, did you see the a*s on that chick from corporate office?"
She blushed very red, my manager went very pale, and my coworker got very fired.
Alas, you could not reply, "Holy s**t, dude, your timing sucks so bad that with the right attachments, you could probably vacuum the whole theater all by yourself!"
I was training a new manager at a hotel on the midnight shift almost 20 years ago. She'd literally been working with me for 5 minutes when I decided to show her around. Opened a boardroom door and caught our lead bartender plowing a guest on the granite conference table. He was out the lobby door holding his pants up within 90 seconds.
He was immortalized as a legend forever though. 😂
Family hotel, here. I cannot even begin to tell you how much sex happens in secluded places. Thing is, they’re never as sly as they think. Cameras will attest to this. Best tho, is the married men who sneak out for Grindr trysts in the bushes. There are a couple of locals who were regulars, sometimes even hooking up on property with more than one guest per night. We’ve had to ban them. Pictures up in security office. Now, had they been sex workers dealing with their transactions behind closed doors, we’d be gentile & accommodating as long as they’re discrete.
Restaurant opening. His first day on the job. Smacked a server’s a*s and said “Thanks toots”.
I think he maybe lasted 2 hours that day max. I can’t think of anyone else I fired faster than that.
Hitting on the boss's 13-year-old son.
Y’all hear the news this week about the teacher & the 13yo whom she sexually assaulted, texted with 2200 times (including sending noods) and bought him a Glock semi-automatic for his 14th birthday? At the end of this school year he asked her to get him a second one. When she said no he totally came clean and ratted her out. The sicko had to know this ended with prison. And if she didn’t, how was someone that dumb hired as a teacher.
Worked at an ISP back in the 90s and had a guy working late shift. Found out quickly he wasn't answering the phone at all, but just playing video games. He was warned. Next day he walks in to work with a Voodoo2 graphics card to install in his work computer to improve the game playing. Fired before he sat down.
He’s now sitting in his poor mother’s unfinished attic, covered in Cheeto dust & varying pathogens, trolling away in Warfare & LoL.
He filmed from under the door of the women's bathroom. I don't understand how it’s possible to do this.
Annual promotion season. HR rep at my previous employer was sending her boss the salary/raise calcs for everyone in our office. In sending she accidentally Cc’d our offices contact group.
No one worked that day, many people left angry, she left as she was no longer employed. But one thing she did do was help a LOT of people negotiate better and fair pay.
Manager introduces new co-worker to us and asks one of my colleagues to train him on the machinery we use, which he accepts. 20 minutes in training the new guy picks up a large, metal piece and the trainer shows him the proper way to handle it. The trainer demonstrates by gently grabbing the piece, to which the new guy reacts by violently grabbing the piece away from the trainer then attempted to back-hand smack the trainer... right in front of the manager.
New guy got hauled off faster than an Amazon van driving on same-day shipping, metaphorically. Our manager was really hard on workplace violence.
A co worker came to work drunk, and when his supervisor started reprimanding him ,he (co worker) threw up on him.
I fired a woman who showed up late on the first day, in an inappropriate dress, a customer asked her something simple, she replied "how the f**k am I supposed to know that". I gave her a payroll check for 3 hours work and sent her out the door. She was a sweet, intelligent woman when I interviewed her, what happened, I don't know.
New Guy had a habit of watching YouTube instead of working. Manager walks by his desk and sees this, and says, “hey less YouTube and more work, yeah?”
The New Guy messages another colleague, “dipsh*t boss is creeping on me again”
Except he sent the message to the manager by mistake.
It's not "creeping" if the manager is... you know... MANAGING the productivity of the office!
Saw someone in a customer service/intake position gone in about 15 minutes. They had specifically been hired to take Spanish speaking calls, and had told the company she was bilingual im English/Spanish.
She couldn't actually speak any Spanish. Not sure how she faked her way through the interview.
Work for a large big box. We brought on a new hire last week. Three days into the workweek, we noticed either he didn’t have a radio or he just didn’t know how to operate it. He was clocking in for work, out/in for lunches, & clocking out for the day. It turned out he was arriving to clock in, leaving until lunch, clocking out & leaving again, returning to satisfy the clock again, leaving, & then returning yet again to clock out for the day. Three days he did this. A new hire. His lead was also given a meeting as they weren’t doing due diligence & trying to find him.
In my gym one of my instructors had an argument with a customer. The customer was being a smart*ss but the instructor (quite a muscular man, like a badly built bodybuilder) waited for him outside where there were no cameras and assaulted the guy, breaking an orbit and knocking him out. He then proceeded to go back in, intimidate the receptionist into not calling an ambulance and going around the gym telling everyone that they had "seen nothing" and that he knew where everyone of them lived or worked. I called him and told him to pack his stuff go home Immediately. Next day he received a letter from our lawyer not to show his face again.
Worked in a restaurant and when the table wanted to return their Mai Tai the server chugged it right in front of them and said “it tastes fine.”
With all the bad behaviour that servers have to put up with I reckon there should be one day a year - no, let's make it a month - when they're allowed to do stuff like this.
Worked in a sales call center about 10 years ago, real braindead work. New guy starts on a Monday morning, after he gets trained up on the basics (which takes about an hour), he gets assigned a desk and sets off to work.
30 minutes later, it looks like little puffs of steam are rising up from his computer monitor. Turns out he was vaping on one of those disposable ecigarettes, the kind that sort of tried to look like real cigarettes. He gets told by the boss that we can't vape indoors, and if he wants to, he'll have to go outside to do it on a smoke break. We were pretty liberal with those, you could basically just go whenever you wanted.
About 30 minutes later again, the same thing happens. He gets caught again, and is told in no uncertain terms that if he wants to keep his job, he'll stop vaping at his desk.
An hour later, he gets caught hiding beneath his desk, still vaping, and is promptly fired, all before lunch time. Dude could have just gone outside.
Someone idiot made a racist "joke" about a black lady during orientation. HR immediately kicked him out.
I was a manager for a cosmetics store at the mall. On my day off I get a call from one of my long time employees that our new hire had tried to fight a girl who came into our store, because she was the ex GF of the new hire’s fiancé. I had to come in on my day off, pregnant and starving cause I hadn’t had time to eat yet, to deal with this absolute middle school nonsense. When I got there the new hire and her mom were just chilling by the register, like fighting people while you’re working is a totally normal, everyday occurrence. The mom had the audacity to say to me “she didn’t have no business coming in here!” I had to inform her that our store was open to the public, so she had every right to come in, regardless of her motives. Then I had to fire the new hire. The crazy thing was, in her deluded red neck mind, she thought I was coming in to check on her! That I was there cause I had her back! I actually hate that I missed the fight, because my long time employee said she threw the weakest, saddest, little punch. She looked like Mr. Burns trying to fight.
I work at a local grocery store and one day we had a new hire in the bakery department. Her first day comes around and she no-called and no-showed for her first day…then a few days later comes in and shops like nothing happened 💀
Was caught stealing money out of the register in the first hour of him even touching the damn thing.
On a related note, had another co-worker get fired for the same thing within the last two hours of his final shift.
$50 in small bills and loose coins really brings out the worst in some people.
Desperation is blind to morality. We hired a (hotel) housekeeper. On her first day, $100 cash tip went missing. Supervisor checked on her & her lead, noting the cash tip in one room. When all tips were accounted for, the $100 bill wasn’t there. Mngr came to me & I cut her final check, brought her into office & terminated her. She broke down in utter remorse. She could have taken other tips but only took the one so I asked her why she stole, but didn’t get a little greedier. She could have gotten away with much more had it not been the only $100 bill. She accepted her termination & explained that the onboarding took so long & she’d been unemployed for so long that she wasn’t even sure she had the gas to make it to nearest station. Also, she had no diapers, no food and her mobile was turned off. She even feared she’d miss us trying to call her prior to her start & lose the job. Had garden team put gas in her car, gave her the $100 back & rehired her. This was 1998. She’s a supe now.
A mate many years ago started a part time job at pizza hut. First customer he took a pizza out to asked for him to be sacked and he was. To be fair to the customer, my mate had a string of cheese all the way from the pizza dish to his chin. He thought no-one would notice one slice of pepperoni missing. He was wrong.
I work with special needs individuals. A coworker of mine who had started 3 days prior got fired for getting into a fistfight…with one of the special needs individuals.
I work with special needs adults and this is a real fear of mine. I'm not a carer, just a driver so I've never had any training in this regard. And a lot of the clients are completely able-bodied big grown men, if they went at me I don't know how I would defend myself without fighting back.
The guy responsible for opening the shop on Saturday morning went out and got blitzed on Friday night. We showed up to work to find his car in the lot but the doors locked. He didn't answer his phone. Had to call the owner in to get us inside.
Guy was fast asleep, under his desk.
He was gone before you could say hangover.
I worked at the head office of a well known retailer. One day we had a temp on the reception desk and no one realised that the bottle of water on her desk was, well...not water.
As the day went on the tannoy announcements got worse, just stumbling through names and slurring. Needless to say everyone thought this was funny, not realising that she was bladdered and not just c**p at the job.
Come the end of the day though, she gets into her car and attempts to drive out of the car park, bouncing off cars and eventually coming to a halt on a grass verge.
Why the F did you all let her get behind the wheel? Have you no self-preservation at the least?
Got yelled at for being late. Said some insane s**t to the boss over it, got sent to talk with HR, threatened HR with his gun, then the police showed up and I never saw him again.
You'll never guess what career he really wanted, but got 'scammed out of'.
I watched a guy at a really high end restraunt bring out a steam ship round roast beef for a huge brunch celebration. He was trying to set it up and dropped it on the floor. We all saw. As did his manager. He set it right back up and started cutting. She ran his a*s outta there in minutes.
Dude showed up to his first day after taking acid. Told the boss his acid kicked in.
I was told this tale by my boss at the time.
A guy is hired as a federal government contractor, and after a lengthy approval process, he is finally cleared to start working. The guy is really excited and shows up to the government building 2-3 hours early. Neither his boss nor his co-workers have arrived yet, so he goes to the cafeteria, grabs a coffee and the day's paper, and sits down to read it while waiting.
This early in the day, there are very few contractor staff around, it's mostly government workers. One of them walks into the cafeteria with a colleague, talking about how lazy contractor staff are, and they don't deserve the salaries they are paid. He immediately spots the new guy, seemingly relaxing and reading the paper when he should be working, and completely loses his mind, screaming at the new guy and threatening to have him fired immediately. This wasn't an empty threat, because the government guy actually had the authority to follow through on his threat.
The new guy didn't get a chance to explain himself and was immediately ordered to go to security and wait for his boss. The boss finally comes in to meet a very pissed-off customer and a very bewildered new guy. After many calls and emergency meetings, they explained things to the government guy and got him to calm down. However, he refused to back down on having the new guy fired (I guess he didn't want to lose face) and to keep him happy, they had to let the guy go.
So, the new guy was fired before he even started.
Note: this post originally had 75 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
Cook at local pub, Dave. First day Smoked weed on the outdoor dining area. Served chicken wings that were not fully defrosted, when client complained he got into argument and refused to serve him anymore. Drank several pints of beer, got drunk, urinated in the flowerbeds. Did lines on the kitchen counter, got fired. On his way out picked a fight with the guy who had complained about the chicken wigs because “he cost him his job” Got on his electric scooter, lost control, and slammed headfirst into a SUV that was parked in the street. He was so high that he pretended nothing had happened. A few mins later a guy turns up looking for Dave because he hadn’t paid for his “charly” and asked the owner to pay. The dealer leaves as Dave is coming back up the road covered in blood from bashing his head on the SUV. He wanted his pay!!! They both start to fight. Owner called the police.
Had a guy starting winter season in the ski shop. He got the tour and acces badge on Friday to start on Saturday (we worked weekends). He goes out friday night and gets hammered and, afraid to be late on his first day, goes straight to the shop after his pub crawl. I come in at 7.30am and find him asleep on the carpet in a puddle of vomit. He didn't make to shop opening at 8am...
I got hired with a security monitoring firm, which would involve sitting in a call center, monitoring incoming alarm signals, coordinating police/security on issues, etc. Day one of training, they say everyone needs to go to police HQ to be fingerprinted, with assigned appointment times. I don't drive, so I got a lift from another new hire with the same time slot. Halfway there, he asks why we would need to be printed, and I say that because it's a security related job, they want to see about any criminal history. My new friend here goes "Oh *pause* What kind of stuff would show up on that?" I casually put a hand on the door handle of this stranger's car and ask "What kind of stuff have you done?" He says "Oh, nothing much." I never knew what 'nothing much' means, but I do know he wasn't there on day two
Cook at local pub, Dave. First day Smoked weed on the outdoor dining area. Served chicken wings that were not fully defrosted, when client complained he got into argument and refused to serve him anymore. Drank several pints of beer, got drunk, urinated in the flowerbeds. Did lines on the kitchen counter, got fired. On his way out picked a fight with the guy who had complained about the chicken wigs because “he cost him his job” Got on his electric scooter, lost control, and slammed headfirst into a SUV that was parked in the street. He was so high that he pretended nothing had happened. A few mins later a guy turns up looking for Dave because he hadn’t paid for his “charly” and asked the owner to pay. The dealer leaves as Dave is coming back up the road covered in blood from bashing his head on the SUV. He wanted his pay!!! They both start to fight. Owner called the police.
Had a guy starting winter season in the ski shop. He got the tour and acces badge on Friday to start on Saturday (we worked weekends). He goes out friday night and gets hammered and, afraid to be late on his first day, goes straight to the shop after his pub crawl. I come in at 7.30am and find him asleep on the carpet in a puddle of vomit. He didn't make to shop opening at 8am...
I got hired with a security monitoring firm, which would involve sitting in a call center, monitoring incoming alarm signals, coordinating police/security on issues, etc. Day one of training, they say everyone needs to go to police HQ to be fingerprinted, with assigned appointment times. I don't drive, so I got a lift from another new hire with the same time slot. Halfway there, he asks why we would need to be printed, and I say that because it's a security related job, they want to see about any criminal history. My new friend here goes "Oh *pause* What kind of stuff would show up on that?" I casually put a hand on the door handle of this stranger's car and ask "What kind of stuff have you done?" He says "Oh, nothing much." I never knew what 'nothing much' means, but I do know he wasn't there on day two
