35 People Share Behaviors They Thought Were Normal Because Of Their Family But Realized Were Weird Later On In Life
As kids, we don’t really question things. The way our parents or caregivers run our families, we used to take as a given.
Only after growing up and stepping into the adult world, you may come to a realization that some of the things you’d do as a family when you were little weren’t standard for others.
“What kind of behavior did you think was normal because of your family, then grew up to find out it’s definitely not?” someone wondered on Ask Reddit and the childhood memories started flooding in. Below we wrapped up some of the most interesting and sad responses people shared.
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My dad has bipolar disorder and I never knew until I was an adult. That in itself is a full response to this. PSA to any parents with bipolar. Just tell your kids, explain what’s happening, embrace therapy. Do not hide that s**t and pretend it’s normal. It will eff your kids up.
Having your dad get so upset that he screams profanities at you, breaks a door, then gets in the car and disappears for hours, then comes back and won’t talk to anyone for a day, then breaks down crying and then wants to hug everyone and go have a nice dinner like nothing happened… is not normal. And thinking that behavior was because of something I or my siblings did wrong and not because of a disease, really messed us up.
I don’t know how to have a healthy discussion now. This would happen and we would just move on with saying a word about it. No apology from him. My mom just told us to apologize, be on our best behavior, and act like everything was fine.
Mom is just as bad if not worse than dad on this one! I'm bipolar. My kids know and have known since they could comprehend it and I explained I had an illness before they could really grasp it so they always knew. I DONT go off like that on them but if I did go off around them or have unexpected mood swings they were reassured as to why. I sought therapy because I became a mom. I took meds for my kids more than me. I wish parents would honestly look out for their kids best interest even if they can't look out for their own! FFS!!
My dad was like this - nobody talked about that sort of stuff in the 1970s and, looking back, he really should have got some help.
Being screamed at and having doors broken in front of you causes fear and nobody should have to live like that - it's abuse. Being bipolar (or having any other disorder) does not excuse that!
I have bipolar 2. When you are hypomanic/manic, you really don’t have control. Your frontal lobe (control center) is not working right. You can’t talk us down. Our anger can be explosive. There is no calming down. Hypomania/mania can go to a very happy place and so you don’t think anything is wrong with going out and spending all your money on what, at the time, are all great ideas. When you come down, you realize you have caused a lot of problems for yourself. But at the time everything is just wonderful. Then there is what is called dysphoric hypomania/mania. It’s an angry place that can just escalate. The thing that we can do that is in our control is going for help and working on things.when we are in our “normal” phase. There are things we can do to help, like take our meds. I wouldn’t dream of stopping. Different kinds of therapies give you a lot of insight. But when the chemistry goes off the rails, it’s off the rails. But if you pull stupid s*** when healthy, don’t use it as an excuse.
Load More Replies...This is why I as a Bipolar choose not to have children. I am NOT saying that bipolar people should not have children! I am saying that knowing my own illness and the fact that my depression does not respond to any treatment, I do not think it would be fair to a child or the other parent. Plus there is the issue of medication and the possible damage to the fetus. I can't just go off the medication. Not to mention the increased risk of Postpartum depression or psychosis. It is a difficult decision to make that every person will an illness, whether mental or otherwise, must determine for themselves.
I'm sorry! Maybe someday mental illness will be treated like any other illness. But I'm not holding my breath.
Exactly. I experienced a similar chronic health issue as a teenager and my dad told me I was making it all up. Guess who ended up having exactly the same condition? I really wish he had told me the truth. I’m glad my mother and her family knew about it, and supported me in my journey of healing and management.
I've got a positive one. My mum always threw the best Halloween parties. We had to eat donuts off strings without kicking your lips, throw eggs at each other and attempt to catch them in a net, feed each other blindfolded. Apparently these aren't normal activities for Halloween parties. Especially the one year we played them on the street with random trick or treaters who came past.
as a brit, those sound like normal Halloween party games. apple bobbing too.
This sounds just like my birthday parties as a kid! Along with a bunch of other games that momma thought of!
The morbid sense of humor. My nana died on my 18th birthday and my dad came into my room and just said “well. Kid. Looks like you’re fresh outta grandparents” (His mom had just died, mind you. she was my last grandparent to die) and years later my aunt tried to remember how old I am by going “okay. Which year did we lose mom again?” And just went “well f**k you too.” While my dad lost it laughing.
And also My aunt on my moms side (my moms sister in law) lost her mom fairly recently and they were having a sale on urns so she bought an urn for her mom and a new one for my grandmother and texts me with a picture saying “gram got a new apartment!”
And people wonder why my sense of humor is so dark and morbid. I got it on both sides of my family!
I learned that others aren’t quite so caviler about death.
I laughed harder than I should have at that part
Load More Replies...I see this as a good thing (but I also worked in medicine), and adds levity to an otherwise tragic incident. Recognize that others may not appreciate the humor as much, but as long as it helps you carry on, find the humor wherever you can.
Nurse here, wholeheartedly agree. Coping mechanism, especially when you're expected to be the strong one.
Load More Replies...My brother and I took a trip to the coast to scatter our mother's ashes on the beach she requested (it was closed for swimming at the time so no one was there). Before we went there I took the plastic packet containing the box with her ashes and put it on the windowsill so Mom would have an ocean view.
We’re the same. After dad died, there was so much stuff that happened to laugh about. I mean genuinely funny. So much I can’t go into it all. When my mom died, she was already gone when I got to the hospital. Before she went into the hospital she had got a perm. Well, you can’t wash your hair for a few days and so hers looked kind of frizzy. She had decided she would like to donate her corneas. You have to keep the eyes closed so things don’t dry out. We use little 2x2 gauzes over the eyes to do that. I walk into her cubicle, take one look at her frizzy hair and the little white squares of gauze over her eyes and thought “Oh great. They’ve made her look like Little Orphan Annie”. I couldnt laugh as I had a friend with me. She would have found it disrespectful. Trust me, if wherever she is, mom could have read my mind, she’d be laughing too.
Sounds familiar. And, no, others aren't. But accepting it as part of life means death is less traumatizing, and you cope with the loss better, IMO.
I think it's wonderful to embrace death. We're all heading there someday.
While many stories shared in the thread recount negative family memories, a Redditor who goes by the nickname Butterfly_cats shared a positive story. We reached out to the author, who said that they knew their family was unique when they were around 10 years old. “We moved house and I moved school so suddenly I was meeting loads of new people who were incredibly surprised at the kind of parties that we threw.”
The typical Halloween for the Redditor was unlike anything that other kids would celebrate. “It would start with some classics. Catching eggs in a net except some of the eggs weren't hardboiled. We used to eat donuts off strings without licking your lips. Musical pumpkins, which is like musical chairs but with pumpkin paper cutouts. Mummy wrapping using toilet roll.”
More fun activities included splitting into 2 teams and having one person wear a onesie: “we’d fill it with as many balloons as possible within the time limit while they were wearing it.”
Having to hide our TV in a cupboard whenever someone from church came over; we weren't supposed to have one. Turns out we were in a cult.
There's sects or cults that also forbid even herbal tea (like, you heat water to 90*C, pour it over some mint leaves). It's insane what people will do to control other people.
Load More Replies...On the other hand, a televangelist's flock is a cult where TVs are actually mandatory.
There's lots of small fundamentalist sects in this area of Iowa that I live in that do not allow their girls to cut their hair or wear pants, and they're also not allowed a television.
If anyone is interested in what marks a cult, look up the BITE framework Steven Hassan created as a guide. He was raised in a secular Jewish home and got sucked into a Christian cult when he was in college. He’s long out now and is a psychologist who also gives talks on the subject of cults.
When I was a kid growing up in South Texas members of the Pentecostal Church were not allowed to watch TV or go to movies. Also the women could not cut their hair or wear make up. I had lots of friends in the church and most of them were pretty normal. The whole speaking in tongues and convulsing down the isles was pretty weird to me though.
Cult leaders and their more hardcore followers can jump off a cliff for all I care...
I wish people would understand that literally the only thing that separates a cult from a religion is its size. Christianity is just a really big cult, same with islam and judaism. They are all ways of reprogramming someones way of thinking. Religion sometimes tries to do that for the better, and sometimes not.
"A cult is a religious group without political power." - Tom Wolfe
Load More Replies...Being embarressed about the normal bodily functions of a female, such as periods, having boobs and sex. My mother was a prude on another level.
Periods are shameful across the world and I’m sick of it. I can’t even bring a bag to the bathroom with my pads. And when a teacher stops me because they think I’m doing drugs I have to just put it back or embarrass myself by telling them it’s a pad. This should not be so hard for people. It’s a normal bodily function that half the world has and the way the patriarchy has shifted it to seem “impure” is awful.
In our house, it was my dad. He lived with three females and if you said "cramps" around him, you better mean "muscle spasm in your leg". It was ridiculous growing up like that. Fortunately, he was often gone and Mom was a nurse, so we had two lives. When He was there, and when he wasn't. Guess which was more psychologically healthy and stable!
My husband was a long haul trucker. My girls grew up with when dad was here vs when he was gone
Load More Replies...Thank god both my parents were very open about things like this. My dad was very comfortable talking about it. If I said I had cramps he went and got the heating pad for me. Understood when I got my period while we were on vacation in Florida. I couldn’t go swimming. But what he could do was walk out to the ocean and walk out up to my knees in the water, and we’d talk. My parents were of the philosophy “old enough to ask, old enough to know”. I could ask either one of them anything. They were well ahead of their time.
Name wouldn't happen to be Carrie would it? But seriously, that's sad that some parents are like that to their children. Probably raised that way themselves.
This need to me MORE normal. It's not just you who is facing this. This is very common. Even I have a hard time discussing it
Your parents hating each other. I only realised this was not normal after witnessing my first boyfriends parents interacting with each other kindly and respectful.
My parents made sure to show me what affection is between parents. Yes they kiss. Yes they hug. Yes they do romantic things for each other. Wonderful surprises about things they know the other likes/would like to do. A lot of my childhood was hellish, but there were also wonderful times like this. I still have the portrait of my mom and dad on their 15th wedding anniversary when they had a big celebration at a fancy hotel. My mom looked so beautiful in the dress she bought just for this. My dad looked so handsome (he looked like Paul Newman). I also got to see the good stuff. Thanks mom and dad. I miss you both. See you later.
my parents have fought my whole life and it clear they shouldn't be together. So my first marriage was just like that. I got out of that after 14 years and met my current husband. He is loving and we laugh and have fun and basically have a great relationship... didn't know that was possible till I met him. My parents are still together after 48 years and still are buttheads to each other.... it makes my heart hurt!
about 50% of marriages end in divorce. Always speak to your partner respectfully and try keep things fun. When the fun and respect go out the window, rather separate peacefully before the abuse starts. Source: me, what happened.
I relate to this on such a high level! My mother was an un-medicated bipolar, meth addict and my dad was an un-medicated schizophrenic, heroine addict. If you know anything about heroine withdraw, the person turns into a real life monster. Their unmanaged mental issues and drug abuse caused violence to run rampant in the household. My 18 month younger brother and I naturally picked up on the behaviors as we were raised this way from birth. I thought that all families handled situation violence. Only as a teen visiting at a friend's house, I realize that families did NOT work the way mine did and that they actually loved and truly cared for oneanother
Yup. My parents didn’t hate each other, but they fought frequently because my dad was not the best husband or dad and that definitely had painful long-term impacts after my parents divorced when I was eight.
I grew up thinking my parents hated each other and that they would be better off divorced, they argued all the time. I didn't get it, and I felt bad because if they did get divorced and I had to pick one parent to go with, I didn't really wanna go with either. I love my parents but man, they needed therapy or to have given me a sibling to ride out the tension with
“Then there were gross ones. Feeding each other while blindfolded. Trying to pull gummy worms out of a tub filled with canned tomatoes using your teeth. Then doing the same in flour so it gets stuck to you. I always needed a towel to blow the custard/flour/sauce mix out of my nose,” Butterfly_cats recounted a typical Halloween when growing up.
The Redditor would describe their childhood as “manic.” Butterfly_cats said: “My mum acted like a child at any given chance but she was also responsible and hardworking. She made games up and always thought of the next crazy thing we could do. Hide and seek in castle ruins at night using torches. Spend 3 weeks handmaking a costume for world book day when I was 13. Building a functional, real size, cardboard car with the kids in her class. Running 200 miles to celebrate her 50th birthday.”
According to the author, if someone said it was impossible, their mom made it her mission to prove them wrong.
Literally, most of my autism symptoms, lmao. I was diagnosed last year. Turns out my parents had no idea because they're autistic themselves and just thought my behaviour was normal because they all acted the same way.
... living with autism isn't easy... Especially when it's not the most noticeable
Found out I was autistic when I was 25. My parents had no idea what autism was back then, they just thought I was unusual or strange.
Same! I'm í the process of getting diagnosed, but my kid was diagnosed at 17 - and then suggested I get diagnosed as all everything they were told during their diagnosis are things that apply to me as well; and to both of my parents 😂 I wouldn't mind, but I'm trained to recognise Autism/ADHD/ADD and other neurodiverse traits in children, and didn't recognise it in my own child as 'it's just things I do' 😂😂😂
If you were born before the early '60s with autism you would be institutionalized
I hope to get tested at some point, I feel like that would give me some closure on wether or not I have autism
We were lucky with getting the process going for my son's eventual diagnosis 2 years later. The health visitor on her final visit, referred us to the paediatrician as she said he was not meeting some milestones. We would have no idea as he is our only child and have no-one else to compare him to. They way he is, is our normal.
Oh, if only you knew how common that is. People go under the radar in DROVES because of it.
The sci-fi author Martha Wells gave an interview where she said that when she started writing the Murderbot books, she gave the main character some of her own 'quirks...' and then a ton of readers wrote to her saying how great it was that she had a neurodivergent MC. And that was how she discovered she was autistic.
I used to serve on the board of a local charity. One of the other board members "revealed" to us his doctor had diagnosed him as autistic. He seemed mildly surprised when the general reaction was along the lines of, "Yeah, we figured". He was a nice guy and very helpful but if you have been around functioning autism and knew the signs - his were on full display most of the time. I mean this in a kind way. Like I think maybe he was worried how we would react and instead it was acceptance / we already knew that / next item on the meeting agenda.
I thought the people closest to you were the ones who were meanest to you because they saw the real you (and the real you was bad). I also thought anger was only expressed as horrible blowout arguments, insults, name calling, and physical aggression. Such sad things to learn and very difficult to unlearn.
I can relate to the anger thing. I can't stand when someone raises their voice now, I can also read body language very well.
Once watched my mother beat my brother until she broke a wooden spoon on his back for something I had done. He would have been about 12, me 10. N I was so terrified I couldn’t tell her it had been I that ate her cashews. He never told.
Load More Replies...I lived in a household that could go both ways. No wonder I’m bipolar. It’s ok folks you can laugh about it. We can at certain times. My mom could be explosive. But, when I was old enough and you could start to feel the tensions rise, whoever wanted to, including me, could call for a “gripe night”. Usually a few days off from then so everyone could write down stuff that was bothering them. TV off, sit down and the rule is calm. We would go around. Honesty. Respectfully and then discuss. Come up with solutions to try. Even I could say what was on my mind. Sometimes they had a reason for “why not” and other times acknowledge I had a valid point and they needed to improve some things. Actually prevented a whole lot more blow ups that could have happened. Like I said, ahead of their time.
It is sad to me how many people do not know basic conflict resolution skills and sadder yet that some of them are relatives I care about. It is telling that these days it seems like most people think "argument" means "fight". Fun fact - below are two definitions of argument. When I was young, the secondary definition used to show up in the dictionary as the primary definition. 1. an exchange of diverging or opposite views, typically a heated or angry one. "I've had an argument with my father" 2.a reason or set of reasons given with the aim of persuading others that an action or idea is right or wrong.
Just WOW, it's like I wrote that myself; so sad to realize, but glad I finally did!
Go look into Complex PTSD. If that was your childhood (like mine), you probably have it and things will make more sense. Knowing is the start of healing.
Load More Replies...Abnormalcy becomes very obvious when couple from 2 different upbringings come to live together. One cannot understand why the other is not mad or yelling, the other cannot understand why the first one is yelling instead of just explaining what went wrong. It gives me impression that often real reason for failed marriages is upbringing. So basically some people are destined to fail in their future relationship/s, even before they become adults. Sad.... sad sad.... Makes me want to protect my child from any unstable behaviour and be really aware of what/how I talk, even what intonation I use, or how I make others feel. Hoping to break a cycle so my child could have mentally healthy life and healthy relationships in the future.
That was how my dad and his family were to a T. My late grandfather is mostly to blame, and his son turned out like him, sadly.
My family on my dad’s side all drink beer, and it was very common on long road trips for my dad and uncles to buy a six pack “for the road” and just drink it while driving.
So of course my siblings would do that too once they were old enough to drink. Well one of them got married, and I witnessed a pretty big argument the first time they tried to do it and their spouse freaked out for something that we all thought of as “normal”
When I was a kid, drive through liquor stores were pretty common. My dad would use his seat belt buckle as a perfect beer bottle opener.
Same here, and they also had free cups and ice by the exit door. I'll also point out that where I grew up (Arkansas, but a number of other states as well) had laws against drunken driving, but nothing forbidding drinking and driving (this did change about 40 years ago).
Load More Replies...Not sure how long ago this was but I thought it was a well known fact that, normal or not, it's definitely illegal
It's not in my country as long as you don't exceed the limits, which are 0.3/0.5.
Load More Replies...I see a lot of older folks do this and it's straight up f*****g scary. People that also would have done it with their children and not batted an eye. That's f*****g abuse and neglect and child endangerment folks, and those parents should have been in prison. And yes that includes my own father who did it.
My parents not only did this, but they bought a six-pack for my brother and me as well. They were wonderful parents in many respects, but I don't know what the hell they were thinking. Note: both my brother and I went to our first addiction treatment centers before we were twenty.
What I find scary is not only how prevalent this is in vehicles, but that it is arguably more so in boating, and while not at all legal, it seems to be more swept under the rug. Dude. You. Are. Driving. A. Literal. Meat. Grinder. (I have seen aftermath of boating accident, like propellers through people tubing kind of accident. )
Well, as long as the driver stays sober. Probably not as fun for them if everyone else is drinking, though. Not I could understand how anybody could get that nasty stuff down.
Butterfly_cats also said that they took this attitude into their adult life. “My mum never let anything stop her or let anyone tell her what she could do. She's my inspiration every day. She made things that seemed impossible happen. She always fought for what she wanted. That sort of drive is instilled in me, although I could never be quite as strong as her,” the Redditor told us.
When it comes to other people who shared not-so-happy childhood memories in this thread, Butterfly_cats believes that “it's good to remember that you can be memorable for the right reasons as much as for the bad.” According to them, humans are wired to focus on the bad, so it's good to throw something light in there every now and then.
We weren't allowed to laugh loudly or after 7pm. My parents said if we were laughing, it meant we were getting into trouble.
We also weren't ever really taught things, just expected to know them and then kind of shunned by my parents even we failed to perform.
Oh, I feel this. How am I supposed to know what to do if you never taught me? How am I supposed to know what you want at that exact moment if you aren't telling me? I can't read minds.
The response is always "You should just know" with no expansion on that
Load More Replies...I wasn’t allowed to laugh on a Sunday in case it upset religious people - That’s miserable Presbyterians for you.
When my dad entered the home, he wanted silence, obedience, and service. Of course, he could shout and be a d*ck, but hey...
I sadly can relate to the no teaching thing. My mom always blames it on me not paying attention in class, even if it wasn’t taught yet to me.
My grandma used to do the same. She told that if I will laughing to hard in the evening I won’t be sleeping well.
Imagine not every knowing what would trigger your parents (it sucks)
Drinking and driving, and underage drinking. My dad used to drive around with a mickey of scotch or beers for sipping all.the.time. and by the time I was 13 he was giving me both beer and booze along with him. It wasn't until I was an adult and realized my husband wouldn't even have a drink with dinner and then drive home that it dawned on me. I actually scoffed at him a few times before I f*****g got it. Also - drinking at 13, was an alcoholic by 14 and would sit at the dinner table smoking joints with my dad like it weren't no Thing. I have a 14 year old and that literally makes me so heart sick thinking of it. So yeah anyways. That stuff.
My bio dad is an alcoholic, when I was younger I just thought it was normal and the smell never really bothered me.
If you're up for sharing, I'm curious about the use of "bio dad." There is actually this in my family as well, my Dad's "bio father," who was a pretty messed up individual on drugs and alcohol. He's still kicking, found Christ, annoys Dad greatly with that - whether through Dad believing aliens are gods or because it belies my bio-grandfather's nature, I dunno. Unfortunately my Grandpa (Dad's "Dad" - adoptive dad) had a party lifestyle too and partied his heart into the grave. His passing hurt me the most over my losses in the past ten years, and I have a certain pride in having his last name.
Load More Replies...My former wife lets her son from before the marriage do these things. Thank god I didn't have children with that woman.
I am a 14 year old and although I don't drink that much if there is alcohol I will probably be able to convince someone to let me try it
Alcoholism is a family curse, passed generation to generation. You are so lucky to have your husband as a model for not alcoholic. You are the best to break that cycle for your children and descendents!!
Eggs stacked in between my pancakes, with syrup. Went to college and at breakfast all my new friends looked at me and said, what the f**k are you doing? My entire family ate them that way. I always figured evryone did. Ha!
It’s good that way. My husband is in the habit of sandwichifying everything so this is something we do at our house too, when no one is there.
Similar story -when I was a child eating pan cakes/crepes or french toast with honey and feta cheese was(still is) the norm at home. And i though everyone everywhere ate them like that. Nope - the weird looks I got from restaurants, friends, colleagues later on tells me it's extremely uncommon. I still love it though and it is my preferred way of eating them pancakes/crepes and french toast
I have been eating egg and pancake sandwiches smothered in maple syrup for years, in fact I want some now, think I'll have "breakfast for dinner" tonight! YUM
We always ate breakfast in a similar manner, nothing out of the ordinary here !
When I was a kid I thought that ALL dads worked a lot and rarely saw the kids.
Until I got older and my friends would tell me things like "my dad took me to a baseball game" or "my dad took me camping."
I was so jealous.
that IS what all the blue collar dads actually did in the 70s ...for real...my dad had mandatory overtime like all the guys who worked in steel and automotive industry...just a fact of life
I can tell you as a dad that works a lot of hours... he was jealous of the other dads and just tried to do his best.
With me, it was realizing not every dad had a beeper and was on call for the hospital a lot so he'd have to leave a school function early.
Same.... my father was rarely around and when he was "forced" to do things with us it was unbearable. My hubby loves being with our kids and I hate the fact that my father was the way he was but am so happy that my kids have a great dad!
I feel this. My dad works till 9, eats dinner, and then goes to his room. He rarely talks to me.
My dad did that. He was either at work or helping his family, never interact alot with me or my sister. And for what? So he can get a little more. We dont remember expensive shoes or some stupid shirt. I missed my dad. Now he kinda tries to interact with us but it is waaay to late (like 30 years too late). All he does now is work/drink/sleeps.
My family has a bell which is rung when they need to summon us all to dinner. I didn't realise it was that unusual until my friends found out about it. Tbh it's a pretty good system
Well... we have the modern equivalent. Instead of shouting up or down the stairs to get them to come to dinner, we bought two cordless doorbells. Receivers in the rooms, buttons in the kitchen, marked with their names.
We have exactly the same, just one doorbell/receiver. Works a treat.
Load More Replies...There’s literally a thing called a “diner bell”. They use to use it all the time on farms and ranches to call everyone in from the field. I know they’re still sold and I bet they’re still used in places outside of your home.
Yup, totally normal, though in Europe it's usually a dinner gong rather than a bell.
Load More Replies...I have a bell that I ring to summon the family to dinner. When they're all in different rooms I don't want to yell or go hunt them down. So I ring the bell and hear footsteps pelting towards the kitchen from all directions 😂 honestly it's the best system! Our bell looks almost identical to the one in the picture, it's very loud!
My mum did the same thing but the bell was a small handheld one.
Load More Replies...my grand parents did this with my mom + uncles very good system
Years ago, my mom bought me a little, iron dinner bell triangle - imagine something like Cookie would ring for the cowboys out on the range, only about 5 inches tall. I thought, "Oh, that's cute!" and hung it up in my kitchen as a decoration but never really thought I'd use it. Well, to my surprise, I did and it's how I've alerted my family that dinner is ready for years!
My grandad had a switch he'd press that'd ring a bell when dinner was ready. But after a while it was getting abused, we'd get ringed down for random sh*t like "where's the remote", "check if I left this and that on the front lawn", "nevermind, I got it".....so one night I sneaked out back to sever the line. It was getting out of hand
This doesn't seem that weird to me. We use Google speakers to do the same thing. When you say "broadcast dinner time" all the speakers in the house play a bell sound and then say "it's dinner time". The idea of a dinner bell is so normal that it's programmed into Google speakers.
I am a teenager, but grew up in a rural area. My sister and I would stay out playing in the woods or the creek until dark most of the time, so my mom would summon us with a large cast iron bell next to the porch
Parents interrogating you about your sex life. Everyone made jokes in movies and school about overprotective dads. I didn't realize being woken up at 5AM to be screamed at wasn't normal. Or being told I'm a shame on the family for a tiny hickey wasn't normal. Or assuming every piece of my actions was related to sex.
I grew up in an Evangelical cult.
Is it me or do the insanely religious seem to be the ONLY ones who obsess over sex?
This reminds me of the daddy-daughter "purity balls" that some Christians are fond of, where the daughter pledges to stay "pure" and the father will often give her a ring in exchange. I find the whole concept misogynistic and gross.
I find the concept disturbingly misogynistic also.
Load More Replies...From the age of 7 my parents always went on and on about me sneaking out to go to parties and have sex with boys. This kept going on till I was about 14 and my older brother got custody over me. I only see my dad once a week and I haven't seen my mom in 2 years.
that's gross and pedo-ey. So sorry that that happened to you. My kids are tweens and still have no idea about it.
Load More Replies...Huh. My dad was an atheist and did the screaming thing about shame on the family. Given his family, we'd need to have been mass murderers of small children to outdo *them*, but....
wow so weird, he must have not applied the logic of rejecting "god" to also rejecting "god's laws". Italian?
Load More Replies...Sounds like "The Virgin Suicides", and we remember how that turned out
Yep grew up Seventh day Adventist. My dad, who was sane right up until now, called me a whore when he caught me making out with my boyfriend
Making out with your boyfriend DOES NOT make you a whore. There's absolutely nothing shameful about it (as long as both people are consenting and no laws are being broken) I'm sorry that your father treated you that way. Your father should be ashamed of himself for saying that to you.
Load More Replies...while I don't think religion per se is bad, my observation over the years is it seems to be the kids who grow up with the super strict rules who rebel more as they come of age. The slang term for it is "PK Syndrome" because preacher's kids often go that route after spending years of being forced to be 'perfect' because their dad is the preacher.
Making a big deal about death. In my family when someone dies, it’s like, “Wow, that sucks, what’s for dinner?”
Same here. Dying sucks but death and dying is a part of life. It's OK to be sad about it, but no need to fuss about it. Why have an expensive funeral? That's money that could have been used for something good rather than throwing it in a hole in the ground. Put me in a sack and throw me in a ditch. Let the animals get me. And for God's sake keep my shoes. They're good shoes. Someone else can wear them..
On the other hand, don't hide it, don't sugar coat it. My goddaughter's aunt died suddenly. When she would ask when auntie was coming to visit she was told, "Oh, auntie won't be, auntie's "gone away". They then didn't understand when she would freak out when daddy went to work, and mommy would say, "wave goodbye, daddy's going away".
It depends on who died, for me. If it's close family it is a big deal. If it's friend of a friend of a friend, then yep, it gets 'wow that sucks'.
Do not judge how others mourn the death of a loved one. We all need to work through it on our own time and in our own way.
Wing driven home from school as your mother casually announces, "oh by the way, Grandad died this morning" is so not cool. They were a close and loving family. I don't need hysterics but minimising it like that was damaging.
Depends on how close said person was but I have too many family and friends that have passed and shall for it to be a long drawn out grieving process for each and every one. I pay my respects and move on.
When I was young my dad used to make me and my oldest sister( there is three of us) stand on the scale everyday. My middle sister was always very athletic and thin and the pride and joy of what my father pictured for a perfect daughter. Me and my oldest sister where on the heavier side but at 14 and 9 we were not “fat” now looking back. My mother did not know this was going on but I remember she came home when my dad had my sister in the scale criticizing my sister of her weight, my mother flipped out about 6-8 months later my parents were divorced and looking back at these things my dad did and said I think has absolutely affected the type of person I am today especially with my own children. My current real with my dad is a little rocky but we don’t really communicate a whole lot because he’s really done some f**ked up sh*t that I thought everyone’s parents did. Apparently not.
My dad and sister would make snide jokes about my weight. I was average sized. I can't wear shorts because they made me ashamed of my legs.
My whole body. But my mom would counter with "Do your legs reach the ground? Then they're perfect". So... you're nto alone.
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Having tantrums because someone showed that you were wrong
Feels weird now seeing my 50+ uncle throwing s**t all over the place because I straight up told him I'm not lazy I have to rest a lot because of a serious heart condition that I'm diagnosed with.
My dad always thinks he's right, won't listen to any other side of the story, and will think you're lying constantly. He wonders why no one told him anything. And on the rare occasion he does realize he's wrong, he won't admit it or apologize.
Same goes for me, just not lying but "I don't know what I'm talking about" even though I'm close to being 30. He knows better than me - how should I dye my hair, what I should do with my money, etc. Feel you.
Load More Replies...Toxic. You owe nothing to these people. They should be filmed and shamed publicly. Karens and Chads!!
Dad playing the piano at 3am because that was his ‘thinking music’. We would all stick our pillows over our heads and try to go back to sleep. I thought it was normal until we got new neighbours who had young kids and after a couple of times asking dad not to play as it was waking up his kids he came over and punched dad’s lights out. Dad just moved the piano to other end of the house and kept playing. He really was a thoughtless arsehole but we all thought it normal.
Like punched your Dad or literally punched the lights out? Because both are equally good punishments I imagine. Especially at 3am in the dark.
A digital piano is not that expensive and he could have played in headphones. I have had some sort of digital piano for close to 30 years, so tech is not an excuse. I too like to play piano, guitar and bass late at night, my wife wouldn't even mind as long as I am not blasting AC/DC on my axe. But I use a DI box for all of them so the most one can hear is a very tinny guitar and key noises.
just how loud is this piano that someone in the next house over can hear it?
I’m still struggling to describe the way my mom lives the way she does, but the only word I can think of is “tacky”? Unless anyone can think of a better word. For context she grew up in a poor village, but I don’t think it’s commonplace there and maybe it’s because of how her parents raised her.
She is clueless to how things “should” be. Like it’s not normal to use shower curtains as normal curtains in the living room. Or to make a homemade pillow by stuffing it full of old jackets, instead of going out to buy a normal pillow. Or pruning a tree using a butcher knife instead of ACTUAL tree equipment (she exclaimed, “Doesn’t that look nice!”, but to me it just looked like the tree had been demolished by a butcher knife.)
Or when she held my baby brother over the trash can so he could poop in it, except she did this in the living room while my friend was there. My friend didn’t want to come over after that.
Or how we have 1 pair of scissors in the house that we use for EVERYTHING, from cutting food to cutting hair, and she used it to cut a mole from her back instead of going to the doctor. We all still used the scissors afterwards too.
Or how she repurposes stuff in the house to re-gift to other people. Like, it would be okay if she actually put in the effort to make it look nice, but most recently she re-gifted a plate of cookies that a neighbor gave to us, except we ate half already. And twice she gave my brothers supermarket gift cards for their friend’s 12th birthday party.
Everyone in my family, mom included, uses the bathroom with the door wide open, whether it’s pee or poop, though my mom is different in that she doesn’t care if someone walks in to brush their teeth while she’s doing it, and will have conversations with you from the toilet too.
I didn’t know until I was in college that other families don’t share the same bath towel.
And nobody cleans the house except with a broom occasionally. So you can imagine how it looks. My mom hasn’t cleaned her car in 15 years.
She used to be dirt poor in the village, so I guess old habits die hard. I was desensitized to everything since I grew up in it, but even when I was younger I could tell that this was a bit gross.
It's not her fault, just the way she grew up. I feel more bad than anything
I grew up dirt poor in a rat infested hoarder house and I didn't end up anything near that. I'd say this person might need counseling - if you're a grown a*s adult you can't blame it entirely on how you're raised.
Load More Replies...It is REALLY difficult to unlearn behaviour you learned all through your childhood, you basically have to change who you are, as a person...and no matter what self-help books, or life-coaches would have you believe, it is neither easy, nor free of pain.
Poverty. I've seen worse. It can lead to depression, which explains other parts of it.
Some are old habits die hard and some are lack of giving a damn what other ppl think but some should have been learned that if you can do better then DO BETTER! Still feel bad for them though.
Emotional and psychological manipulation is not normal. Saying I love you is not weak
Crying is not weak. Expressing emotions besides anger is not weak. It's okay to be sad and scared. I wish I knew this sooner.
Anger leads to fear, fear leads to hate, hate leads to the darkside it does. But for real, if anger is expressed in a healthy way than it is also not weak. For any real emotion is never weak. Just the way you show youre emotions can.
Load More Replies...I always try my best not to cry because my mom screams at me that I’m acting like a 2 year old.
I'm sorry that your mom treats you like that. Crying is natural for people of all ages.
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No privacy. Wasn't allowed to lock any door, even the bathroom....
yep same in my childhood... and my parents came in the bathroom, when I was on the Toilet or Shower was normal... I hated it!
We don't lock doors in our house... not a rule per se, we just respect everyone's privacy.
Yep, same here. It's not a matter of locks but of respect
Load More Replies...If you need to lock a door at home with your family there's something seriously wrong.
Why? What’s seriously wrong with getting uninterrupted space? What if you’re wrapping surprise gifts? Perhaps it’s seriously wrong to insist on immediate, direct access to everyone in your family at all times. That sounds controlling, perhaps even paranoid.
Load More Replies...Nah, just over controlling someone's life as they live under the roof they own.
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At least half of what my parents have said I was going to experience in the real world has been proven completely false and/or the complete opposite of reality. Also, it’s not normal to just say yes to literally every option just because “it’s better to have and not need”. Being a people pleaser apparently doesn’t mean you have to set yourself on fire to keep other warm even if they don’t ask you to. It’s apparently not normal to randomly lash out at people who happen to be in the same room just because you’re having a bad day. It’s apparently not normal to live in constant stress about what could’ve happened in a past event. I could go on but I won’t.
I'm the opposite. I could be dying of thirst, have someone offer me a bottle of water, and I'll say "no, thanks". Idk if my instinct is not to be beholden to someone or what.
Living so strictly under the rule of "everything you do needs to be working towards your career" no friends, no boyfriends or girlfriends, no days to do nothing and no self expression of any kind.
Kind of sad because I'm 31, not anywhere close to where I imagined I would be at only 18, and have learned that life doesn't always go as planned so there's really no purpose in killing yourself at such a young age for what "might be."
There’s no timeline for life. Period. As I’ve healed childhood trauma along the way, aging has only made me happier and more fulfilled, mostly because I’ve gained confidence in my own definitions of success.
Load More Replies...I have a similar stance with my kids but I give them time limits. So 3 hours gaming needs 1 hour reading to earn it, etc.
I thought all married couples eventually grew to hate each other and fight all the time. Apparently I was wrong.
50% do, unfortunately. My kids are now at least seeing that it's not meant to be like that.
Raking the shag carpet with a garden rake to make it fluffy after vacuuming.
We did that too, only we used an actual shag rake. They were made in the 70's out of plastic with thicker "teeth" for raking up the pile. I have a vintage one I use on my Flokati rug now.
My mom totally raked the carpet in the 70's it was very nice a thing!
Load More Replies...There is an actual tool called a carpet rake. It looks exactly like the one above and we used one when my husband and I used to work for an old-timer carpet cleaner professional.
That was really common when shag carpet was popular. And now I have dated myself.
Yeah, kind of. Depends on how much you murdered your carpet before then...
Load More Replies...That's not that weird. Shag rakes are a thing. We had one. I think they seem less normal now because shag carpet is less normal now. Back in the 70s long shag was common. Now if it is shag it is short and/or 'sculpted' shag. Possibly it got shorter because folks got tired of raking. lol
A complete and utter lack of any and all affection and romance between my parents. Turns out, my mom was cheating on my dad for over a decade.
My parents really hate each other, after 61 years of marriage I don't understand how they handle the feeling without killing each other.. the worst thing.. they pass the time saying my darling, my love...every single time, gives me nausea because I know their true feelings. Every single person thinks that they are an adorable elderly couple...arrrg
My parents were the opposite. They never argued in front of us. It wasn't until I got married that I learned it's normal for married couples to argue. I never really learned conflict resolution from them because of it. Also when I had disagreements with my siblings, we were just told to be quiet instead of teaching us how to communicate. My first marriage was rough until I learned how to communicate through counseling.
Grandmother would lead all of us in song at every get-together, like a band. Was 16 before a friend told me it was weird, families don't do this. It wasn't religious but it sure looked cultish. Lss; my therapist loves to hear about the weird s**t my grandmother does/says.
My grandma's family used to do singalongs whenever they could. I don't think it's particularly strange.
That actually sounds good, I’d have loved a good ole sing song
Load More Replies...I honestly would’ve loved that. Our family was musical and I have begged for musical singalong nights but no one wants to do it. Every decade or so we’ll do it at Christmas and everyone has a blast, but then that’s it
I want to hear more about the things your grandma said / did .. please write a book
My family did the exact same thing except it was my grandfather who lead it. People always tell me it's weird but I couldn't give a f**k what they think - those were some of the best times of my life and now that my grandparents are gone, I'll cherish those memories forever.
I think this happens with older family members a lot because when they were growing up, they had to make their own entertainment. They didn't have such easy access to time wasters like television or video games. For the over 70-80 crowd, this was normal stuff - singalongs, party games, card nights, etc.
Marrying cousins. This is common in Pakistan. My cousin got married to my other cousins. Even my sister got married to one of my cousins. I thought it was normal until I came to the UK and realised how weird it was.
I’m the only one in my family and my other sibling who could potentially marry outside the family. We have girlfriends but we’re too ashamed to tell them that our own sister married her cousin and so did everyone else.
It is strange though, I don’t really have any genetic defects in my family; no one has a disease as a result to inbreeding.
I assume the extended family with multiple children must have more marrying outside the family, otherwise you just end up with a bramble instead of a tree. First cousin marriages narrow the branches, but second cousins keep the genetic pool clear enough to avoid the expected problems of inbreeding.
it's quite common in many tribal based cultures. To be fair, marrying 3rd and 4th cousins arent any issue. The issue is 1st and 2nd degree when repeated over many generations. The increase in risk for birth defects for a 1st cousin is 2%, less than the increase of a woman over 40 giving birth. However multiple generations of 1st or even 2nd cousins marrying exponentially increases that risk factor and in 3-4 generations there will be serious issues
My parents are cousins. Not a big deal really, it's legal where I live.
It might be legal, but when first cousins marry and then their offspring marry first cousins etc, there are often many shared genes and hugely increased risks of genetic disorders
Load More Replies...Same in parts of Turkey, cousins marrying cousins but they have to see a doctor and get a load of medical tests done beforehand
cousin marrying is actually very common in many societies/cultures. And it doesn't automatically lead to genetic defects due to inbreeding.
Your girlfriends have probably figured it out since it is so common in Pakistani families. But the children of cousins who marry have only a slightly higher chance of defects than children of non related marriages. The reason it should be illegal and not done is the effect is cumulative - when the children of cousin marriages marry their cousins who are also the product of cousin marriage, the chance of defects increases dramatically. See the Habsburgs as an example.
This is gross. We had a large family. Instead of handing out napkins, we used a single dishcloth, and passed it around the dinner table. We weren't poor. Just uncivilized.
We used cloth napkins and hand crochets washcloths. I remember a guest asking for a paper towel....the silence that followed was epic. And yes, handkerchiefs too. You cannot imagine the delight when I discovered Kleenex.
My m-I-l used to put the used cloth napkins away after a dinner to reuse again. Barf.
I wonder if this was a southern thing? When I was growing up it pre-dated disposable napkins. So, we had a hand towel that was passed about. 'Please pass the wiper!'
Looking down on people worse off than us. Like it was their fault. My parents kind of conditioned us to think everyone had the same opportunities, some people just didn't take theirs.
“Pulling yourself up by your bootstraps” is physically impossible and the saying was originally made to show how impossible a feat it was. Income inequality is a big problem and we shouldn’t blame the victims
It was a good saying for me. My mom said (during my bout of self pity) said "you can pull yourself up by the bootstraps or sit there whining and see who comes to your rescue" I didn't see it as harsh, I saw it as "I better get myself together!" That's how it was for me with foreign grandparents. parents 1st generation. american.during the depression. Mom said: Appreciate what you have instead of what you don't have. My grandparents came with very little but were very successful by the time I was born. They had no choice but to deal with it and that was worse than me not getting that toy I wanted
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Being so negative and constantly making fun of people, apparently most people dont do tht
I never realized how negative I was until I got I to a relationship with my Filipina girlfriend. She has the beautiful islander mentality. We've been together 7 years now, I'm still always looking at the negative, always preparing for the worst. Though I can say since being with her, I can now look at the silver lining after I manage to overlook the negative thoughts
My mother moved a state away from her family for this reason. My brother and I lived in such a quiet place, single mom, not family nearby. When we visited family, it was like a game...so many cousins! In time, I saw what she removed us from. And I appreciate her sacrifice.
It's easier to get away with making fun of people if 75% of the time that person is yourself.
This one is gross, but my mom barely never washes her hands. If she goes number one in the toilet for example, she doesn't wash her hands. Only after number two. She can clean the dogs ears with her finger, wipe them to her trousers and then go toss a salad for the family.
I've had to spend years learning to not disgust people, and now I can't stay at my parents because they disgust me. I love them, but just find them gross.
We're not a family you'd guess doesn't wash hands. Lower middle class academics. Nice house.
I wonder if this was written before 2020, and if habits have changed?
i just checked and the reddit source was posted 9 days ago.
Load More Replies...We used to call the academy "Class X" because their culture and values often align more with the upper/upper middle class, but their salary does not.
Load More Replies...Hey, being embarrassingly disgusting builds a super strong immune system! On the one hand, (no pun intended) it's obviously pretty gross when I think about it. Tho I grew up around animals, and still spend a lot of time working at a horse farm and I RARELY wash my hands... Even while eating 😬.. (ironically I can't stand messy food or sticky hands and have literally eaten BBQ ribs with vinyl gloves on sooo... I'm insane? 😅) The way I see it, if I'm breathing in dirt and dust and horse poop it's already in my system. Having the same dirt on my hands or food is the least of my worries. I also have VERY rarely been sick all my life, like maybe one cold every few years. 🤷♀️
Horses are plant eaters though, the nastiest bacteria and parasites are found in meat eaters' excrement.
Load More Replies...Until 2020, I was criatsidesed for wash my hands too often.... eveyone else found out this is the normal healthy amount.
Not giving privacy and sarcastically taunting someone in every way possible
I was actually analyzing this in my life while I was taking a break from scrolling through the list here. Notably, my lips have a natural downcurve and I recall an individual in the house slouching, making a frownie face at me, as if my natural f*****g face was worthy of being mocked. She's dying, I'm uncertain if this particular bout of weakness and not eating is going to be the last bit, or if she'll 'rebound' somewhat again. I'm caregiving for her during the day, but as time goes on it's increasingly just being yelled at in the morning and then she sleeps all day. Death terrifies me, and although I love her, I don't like her, and her derision of me throughout my life is a huge part of that...part of me thinking her passing isn't going to hurt me as bad as it'll hurt Dad. I don't know, truly, until the experience comes to pass. But taunting someone...it's awful. An awful thing to do, way to think.
Can you take a break from caregiving for a while? It sounds as if it's really getting you down.
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Kissing on the lips. Growing up my dad and mom would kiss us on the lips. It wasn’t until I got a little older that my friends started pointing out how weird it was. (To expand, there was never anything sexually inappropriate going on, it was just a peck on the lips)
Could be cultural. Very seldom where i grew up (France), very common where i live now. (Spain)
Yeah, normal in my family, too. (Just a peck, agreed.)
Load More Replies...It never occurred to me that kissing my mum on the lips (I'm female) was weird?
“The only people I kiss on the lips are romantic partners and my mom.” Weird Venn diagram, to say the least.
Load More Replies...My mom and dad kissed their children on the lips right up until the day they died. There was absolutely nothing sexual or creepy about it. Just love.
I did too until I was a teenager. Not weird for kids.
Load More Replies...We did that in our family here in the US too. Very loving, nothing sexual at all.
TBH, this was my family too. And it was NEVER sexual or kinky. I can still remember a conversation with another adult male. I forget how it happened to come up but I do remember his response. "You kiss your MOM!?!? On the LIPS?!?!?" You'd think I had just told him I F my mom and we sell the illicit love babies to scientists doing cruel experiments so we can make a few extra bucks. For context, to me it was just like how some Europeans do the cheek kiss thing even with folks who are relative strangers but some folks in other cultures think that is weird. It's not sexual, it's just a difference in how they do it.
Grew up with this, grew "out" of it. I feel bad that it to some degree hurts that half of my family when I give them my cheek, but I'm just not comfortable with kissing anyone on the lips. Some folks are, and that's perfectly fine - not weird, just cultural and familial.
My mother would do this and I hated it. Eventually learned to tuck my face way under the covers so that she would have to settle for the top of my head because telling her no fell on deaf ears.
When I'd throw a really bad temper tantrum they'd send me to my room and use a latch on the outside to lock me in until I calmed down. Never thought much of it till recently. My aunt did similar to my cousin.
A punishment the kid will never forget - if the house catches on fire.
Can we have a list of just the silly ones? Thus was mostly a depressing list of child abuse.
I grew up with my grandmother telling me "if it was a snake it would have bit you" when I finally find something I've been looking for and it was right under my nose the whole time. So I would tell my daughter the same thing. My daughter's friends thought that was weird. But for my NC born and raised grandmother it was a common expression.
Load More Replies...I thought that it was normal for people to be gay and lesbian, growing up with a lesbian mom. Didn't think it was weird or gross. Just thought that love was love, and if my mom liked a girl then that was fine and I could too. I now identify as pansexual, which means I like people for who they are, not their genitalia.
yep when we grew up my aunt had gay friends, it never struck me as odd at all.
Load More Replies...Oh dang, this was really depressing. My family just didn’t have cable TV
Having scrambled eggs over cottage cheese. My husband's family. He didn't realize not everyone did so until he spent the night at a friend's house. I had never had eggs like that until we got together. Now, I miss having the cottage cheese if I have scrambled eggs. I rather like it.
I’m torn on how torn we are about kissing one’s children on what becomes an erogenous zone. It seems worse than forced hugging, no?
I blame the Puritans. In Europe in many countries, kissing each other on the lips as a greeting is very common.
Load More Replies...Can we have a list of just the silly ones? Thus was mostly a depressing list of child abuse.
I grew up with my grandmother telling me "if it was a snake it would have bit you" when I finally find something I've been looking for and it was right under my nose the whole time. So I would tell my daughter the same thing. My daughter's friends thought that was weird. But for my NC born and raised grandmother it was a common expression.
Load More Replies...I thought that it was normal for people to be gay and lesbian, growing up with a lesbian mom. Didn't think it was weird or gross. Just thought that love was love, and if my mom liked a girl then that was fine and I could too. I now identify as pansexual, which means I like people for who they are, not their genitalia.
yep when we grew up my aunt had gay friends, it never struck me as odd at all.
Load More Replies...Oh dang, this was really depressing. My family just didn’t have cable TV
Having scrambled eggs over cottage cheese. My husband's family. He didn't realize not everyone did so until he spent the night at a friend's house. I had never had eggs like that until we got together. Now, I miss having the cottage cheese if I have scrambled eggs. I rather like it.
I’m torn on how torn we are about kissing one’s children on what becomes an erogenous zone. It seems worse than forced hugging, no?
I blame the Puritans. In Europe in many countries, kissing each other on the lips as a greeting is very common.
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