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The term “toxic relationship” was first coined by Dr. Lillian Glass, a California-based communication and psychology expert in 1995. She defined it as “any relationship [between people who] don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness.”
Today, we hear of it more often than ever. You may wonder what on earth happened that so many of us struggle to have healthy relationships, but it’s always best to listen to those who have been in such situations and experienced what it’s like in the first place.
So when the Redditor SputtleBug posted a question “What is the most ridiculous thing a partner has asked you to change about yourself?” on r/AskWomen, it seems like it hit close to the bone for many women in the community. So they shared their genuinely disturbing experiences that show just how lethal and wrong some relationships are and remind everyone that we don’t ever have to put up with it.
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#1
He wanted me to get rid of my pets, if I was reeeeaaally good though, he could be okay with me keeping my dog. Nope! Got rid of him instead.
Zoe's Mom 4 years ago (edited)
Any human who dumps an animal for another human, is scum to me. Unless there is a health issue then you re-home it. You don't dump/get rid of. But then, one shouldn't date someone with pets if they aren't keen about animals. But for me personally, I would never give up my Zoe.
Vasana Phong 4 years ago
Who the heck doesn’t love animals, and to imply “ if you’re really good?” What are we 5?
S. Tor Storm 4 years ago
This does sound like an asshole. I hope you "got rid of him". wink wink wink
Yoga Kitty 4 years ago
A person who does not like my pets is no potential partner for me. Sorry, but if we are not on common ground in this point there is absolutely no basis for a relationship. Generally speaking, I deeply distrust people who don't like animals. I can understand phobias, fears, allergies, indifference, or circumstances that make it impossible to have any pets but I cannot understand real dislike. What shadow is there inside you that makes you dislike innocent, beautiful creatures?
Mimi La Souris 4 years ago
its me or your pets : 🎼to the left, to the left, everything you own in the box to the left 🎵🎶
RELATED:
#2
The amount of men that ask me to come off antidepressants because "don't I make you happy enough without the pills" Lord give me patience
Cecily Holland 4 years ago
That would be a deal breaker for me. One wanted me off meds that I need to stay alive. He was my ex the next day.
Yara Balabanova 4 years ago
They obviously don't understand depression, it doesn't necessarily have to do with the relationships in your life
butthurtAmerican 4 years ago
But tell them the birth control pill causes depression and they have to use condoms and they're fine with depression after that.
Daria B 4 years ago
Nah, just dump them. A real nice man will not need these kinds of excuses, because, even if he might not be familiar with your condition prior to meeting you, he will accept it after a brief explanation. Bonus points if he gets invested into learning more, it means he either cares or is a curious, knowledge seeking type, both of which are good qualities of a human being.
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Kathryn Baylis 4 years ago
These guys seem to think they’re some kind of f*****g miracle cure or something. I hate to burst your little bubbles, guys, but you’re not special. Not even close. Leave your girlfriend’s meds prescriptions up to her doctor. They went to college for a decade +/- to learn how—-and you…didn’t.
Penny Fan 4 years ago
Every partner for the last 25 years... "I'd like you to come off the meds at some point I don't believe/like/understand them"
Tamra Stiffler 4 years ago
Your health and well being, and how you choose to deal with it, is no one else's f*****g business.
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Viviane 4 years ago
They see antidepressants as some sort of rival? They think it's a recreational drug? It's strange to me, too.
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UpQuarkDownQuark 4 years ago
I don’t have any patience for people who think depression is just a mood. It’s common enough and there’s enough readily available information about it that to not have a basic understanding of it just shows a lack of empathy, curiosity, or both.
RedMarbles 4 years ago
People are absolutely terrible at believing in health issues they've never experienced. If only there was a way everyone could feel all the different things other people experience, just for a minute.
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#3
Said I used "too many big words" and he just wanted to be able to "relax" more. Criticized my tv and movie preferences as being too "cerebral." Also told me I was too "analytical" in how I liked to solve problems. Now I have an MA and JD, and married a tech millionaire with a Ph.D. in theoretical physics, so looks like my preference for cerebral entertainment and big words paid off.
Brunettechameleon 4 years ago
Good for you. Success is the best revenge or something idk the whole quote you get it.
UpupaEpops 4 years ago
I've been literally told by a male colleague to get gender reassignment surgery because my intelligence is a turnoff for men and so I'll never find happiness as a straight woman. 😶
Tamra Stiffler 4 years ago
Translation: he's intimidated by your intelligence.
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Oskar vanZandt 4 years ago
The OP sounds like a "great catch"... good thing she found someone who appreciates her for the intelligent and accomplished woman she is.
OnlyMyOpinion 4 years ago
Is your tech millionaire and nice person though, seems you only commented about his money.
Bored Panda reached out to SputtleBug, the author of this thread on r/AskWomen who said that they feel like everyone males and females alike receive societal pressure but the reasons are different.
"In my experience, the standards for women are often focused on physical appearance and reproduction while the standards for men are mainly focused on other things like careers and behavior, there’s still a pretty strong expectation for men to be extremely masculine," SputtleBug commented.
She continued: "We no longer live in the 1950s but the expectations we had then for men and women remain relatively the same now. Although the standards may have been created by men it’s had to have been backed by many women which is the main reason they’ve been allowed to perpetuate. Granted this seems to have changed significantly in the last few years but the start to change, is in most cases, slow."
#4
My ex asked me to stop being depressed after we lost our daughter
Cecily Holland 4 years ago
This. It ended the marriage 5 years before it finally officially died
Plenty Pineapples 4 years ago
I'm so sorry. No one should ever have to deal with this kind of grief.
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GenericPanda09 4 years ago
I've been through quite a bit before but nothing will ever compare with losing my 18yr old daughter three years ago.....most of the time i can't even find the words to try and tell people just how utterly sickeningit is and if I had anyone at all in my life that didn't respect just how much it has changed my life or just let me sit and think to myself or... just whatever i feel like at the time in order to try and cope they'd get told very firmly to f**k off away from me very quickly and to never come back . Whatever your gender there's just no love or need to protect like you have for your children or the hole they leave when they're no longer here. How can someone have so little understanding as to say something like this is beyond me.
Marianne Saiso 4 years ago
That probably came from a place of deep grief and hurt. Still painful
Vicky Zar 4 years ago
My husband and I grieved the loss of our daughter together. Me a bit longer and more obviously. I was anxious well after my sons birth 2 years later..... This man here either has no heart or ... I don't know. Maybe it had something to do with toxic masculinity? He was afraid of deep emotions? Something must have been up
#5
Asked me to be more "agreeable" and not discuss feminist issues in his presence. This winner also told me I needed to lose about 40 pounds because women shouldn't weigh more than 120. For context, I'm 5'9" and at the time was wearing a size 6. I noped out of that relationship pretty quick.
buttonpusher 4 years ago
Wow. If she's in the US I think size 6 there is an 8 in UK which is definitely not big, and she's 5'9. He needs a slap.
Yara Balabanova 4 years ago
Not being able to talk about feminism would be a real dealbreaker for me
April Stephens 4 years ago
Ultimately, it doesn't even matter what her specific weight and height were, the point is he butted in about her weight at all, which wasn't his business.
Vasana Phong 4 years ago
That’s my weight, and I’m 4’9, I must be obese in his eyes then, good rid
#6
It wasn't a long term thing, we had been dating for a few months at the time. He didn't ask me to change specifically but he was upset when he found out I was born in Romania. I was adopted by an American family when I was two and have lived in the US for the vast majority of my life. I barely remember anything about Romania.
He couldn't see himself with someone like me because I wasn't actually white. So he broke up with me. It was pretty shocking, I had no idea he had this massively racist side to him. He did me a favor.
Martha Meyer 4 years ago
On which planet are Romanians "not white"? This dude couldn't even get his racism right.
Giovanni 4 years ago
What Americans really mean by "White" is often WASP (White Anglosaxon Straight Protestant)
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Vorknkx 4 years ago
Ironically, Romania is located much closer to the Caucasus... which kinda makes them more "caucasian" than an American :P
Auntriarch 4 years ago
Damnit are you bringing facts into the discussion /s
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Miradona 4 years ago
How the f someone born in Romania is not white? :o *me-born and raised in Romania- looking at my pasty white skin in shock: wooow, it must be an illusion*
UpupaEpops 4 years ago
A lot of Westerners love to treat Easterners like s**t. I was shocked when I've been told by multiple POC that my social experiences in the UK are exactly the same as theirs. I was basically treated in a racist way by fellow white people because I wasn't the right kind of white.
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Casey McAlister 4 years ago
Romanians ARE actually white, but yeah, good for her to find out his was a dumb racist f**k early on.
Oopsydaisy 4 years ago
So, he didn't know you weren't white until he found out you were from Romania? What a weirdo.
Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
Woah, I'm glad for you that this came up and you were able to back out, because what the heck? I'm also confused that being Romanian wasn't white enough for him? He's next level.
Biba Little 4 years ago
Not only he is racist which is reason enough to dump him, but he doesn't even know Romania is actually country in Eastern Europe.
Marcellus II 4 years ago
The Nazis classed Slavs as non-Arian so essentially as non-white.
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Paola Martz 4 years ago
I don't get that xenophobia thing. When I meet someone from a different culture it fascinates me!
Patrik Hofman 4 years ago
My GF is also Romanian, she's whiter than me (but it doesn't matter, I'd love her even if she were purple), but I sometimes feel bad when people ask me where she is from and when they hear, then they ask like oh is she a gypsy? Even if she were, but it makes ME feel sick, I cannot imagine how other Romanian people feel when they constantly hear that.......
The author of this thread also said that while some of the responses she received were indeed surprising, other comments consisted of "things like losing weight, changing their aesthetic/clothing style, changing their personality that were the most common."
Sputtlebug believes that many people end up in toxic relationships and it's a common occurrence for all sexes but not one frequently talks about it.
#7
I’m very pale, so pale that you can see the blue of my veins throughout most of my body. A boyfriend I had about ten years ago asked if there was “anything I could do to get rid of them?” I had to explain that no, I had a circulatory system and very much wanted to remain alive
Dill 4 years ago
Same. People say to me 'you're so pale!'. I often wonder if they think I'd not noticed? 🤔🤔🤔 I usually respond 'AM I???' in tones of utter shock and horror!
Oopsydaisy 4 years ago
You should tell them it's because it's a while since you've had a blood feast, and then stare at their neck
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Steffen Rehm 4 years ago
I am pale too and i have 2 minutes of sunbath time, bevor i get a serious sunburn. Luckily my wife like my freckles and blue veins.
RoseTheMad 4 years ago
I'm that level of pale, thankfully I've never heard of things as idiotic as that, but I always get told "get some colour in you!", my response was to get a load of tattoos. :D
redties_and_blackparades 4 years ago
"hey can we get rid of your veins so you can look prettier?"
ALEXIS CISNEROS 4 years ago
i have very visible veins too, i love them as they look like blue spagetti!>:D
Christie Schmitz 4 years ago
I am really pale too so I know where this person is coming from. It doesn't bother me and i actually joke about myself being so pale.
Janet Ryan 2 years ago
Same! The running joke is that I’m always sick and never spend any time outside, when I actually play 3 sports at once and spend the most time outside of any of my friends
Load More Replies... #8
I'm mixed half Indian half German and he asked to suppress my Indian side and culture cuz he "only dated me cuz at least I'm half"
Cecily Holland 4 years ago
Racists are legendarily stupid. I was married to one for 7 years and finally divorced him when he said I thought I married a white woman. Nope you never asked if I was or not. 100% Sicilian here and proud of it
ZAPanda 4 years ago
since when is sicilian not "white"? Like does he mean "germanic"?
Load More Replies... Kimi Tomminello 4 years ago
🤢 I'm white passing half Vietnamese and the amount of times I've had to cut communications with people because they've forgotten I'm not white and let their racist sides show disgusts me!!
Viviane 4 years ago
They're not only forgetting your identity, they're assuming that white people think alike. I'm white and the odd white person thinks they can trot out their bigotry because I'm supposed to "understand" their point of view.
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UpupaEpops 4 years ago
My last flig asked me out knowing full well that I'm Eastern European. Proceeded to tell me that since I'm just an Easterner, I'm not his equal and his friends had said so as well then asked when the next date is going to be. In hindsight, I should have decked him.
Kika González 4 years ago
I am told constantly to suppress my white side because I'm half Mexican
CariBear 4 years ago
On behalf of my German upbringing: I’m sorry 😞 I knew a family growing up in Germany that was English/Indian/German and they were some of the nicest people and I always loved the moms dresses and shawls, they were so colorful and beautiful. Hope that you’ll meet someone much better 😊
Sapna Sarfare 4 years ago
That is the most stupidest and horrifying thing i have heard... dude, just never date.
#9
He asked me to pretend I wasn’t in pain when I was.
I have endometriosis and if I’m dating you, you will have an up-close and personal seat into the life of someone with a chronic pain condition.
Now, I don’t complain a lot about it, it’s just a fact of my life, and I came to terms with it a long time ago. So when my ex-fiancé got “fed up” with me “being sick all the time,” I told him I can’t act healthy all the time when I’m sometimes in debilitating pain….and he said, “Can’t you fake it?”
Martha Meyer 4 years ago
He would have needed to fake being compassionate and actually caring for his partner.
Load More Replies... XSpooky_Mint 4 years ago
That's not the only thing women fake when they're with him (I'm sorry, I had to)
Vicky Z 4 years ago
That would be a great response actually: sorry dear I'm faking all the other times I'm with you so it's too much
Load More Replies... Martha Meyer 4 years ago
Those are the kind of person who will dump a long term partner when they get cancer.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
Definitely. A lot of endometriosis patients get dumped because they are too "inconvenient" or because for many of us penetration becomes too painful to be possible. And what other use has a woman besides sex right?
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Ragnhild Nilsen 4 years ago
My guess is that if he felt the level of pain that you felt on a "eh - ok"- day, he'd be close to dying.
RedMarbles 4 years ago
No doubt she was already faking feeling well a lot of the time too. It would be so helpful for people who've never suffered from chronic pain and/or illness to somehow be able to experience it for just long enough to get an inkling of the heroics those people are performing so much of the time.
SomePeopleCallMeMaurice 4 years ago (edited)
I have fibromyalgia, and a man I went on a date with twice aside I was very pretty, but it was too hard for HIM that I was always in pain. The empathy!! Jacka*s.
Tin Woman 4 years ago
I have Endo stage 4. I have been asked to stop hurting, yeah. Some have been blunt, but some disguise it in a classic: "Well, go to a doctor!" Aww I can hear the concen in their voices 😂 Just FYI, it was doctors who diagnosed me, it was doctors who removed the 11cm cyst I had, it's doctors who treat me...for this CHRONIC disease.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
It was also 8 doctors who ignored me for 11 years saying that the pain was all in my head until I got a diagnosis. So yeah. F**k most doctors xD
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Bev Angelopoulos 4 years ago
Should have asked him if you should fake your pain like you fake your orgasms!
Sputtlebug said that "it was definitely a learning experience, I didn’t really walk into this with any expectations in mind. It was a curious cat moment if that makes sense. Some of the comments made me laugh but a lot of the responses were demoralizing at best and heartbreaking at their worst."
"Overall I’m glad it was a moment for people to talk about something that maybe isn’t comfortable or okay for them to talk about with their friends and family," she concluded.
#10
My former spouse asked me to move my period because it fell on his three day weekend and he refused to have sex with me when I was "broken" so that was a real bummer for him. I suggested that he ask one of the other guys to swap with him but he wouldn't even ask and I suspect it's because he knew noone liked him enough
Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
Ha, for a moment I thought 'I suggested that he ask one of the other guys to swap with him' meant to have sex with her during a period and I thought that was a brilliant idea. I have literally zero time with men that can't cope with a normally functioning human body.
Vorknkx 4 years ago
Periods can be moved, but vacation time can't? Curious logic this guy has.
Hugo Raible 4 years ago
If you are on the pill, you can indeed easily (for most, at least) move it by just continuing with the next package.
Load More Replies... ZAPanda 4 years ago
tell him to change his breathing patterns from once every two seconds to nonce every two seconds. Tell him his breathing pattern is disconcerting and you prefer him to stop altogether.
Tobias Rieper 4 years ago
that is not how a womans body works i am a guy and i know that some guys are just plain dumb
Micah 4 years ago
I (M) learned about it in school multiple times (Health, Biology). I don't know where men like the one above grew up.
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Lyssa 4 years ago
Sure you can't just hold it in, like a fart? Till it's a more appropriate time to let it out (like not on his days off)
Mimi La Souris 4 years ago
when i was "broken"... bahahahahaAHAHAHAHAHAHAH super woman, broke and fix every month, this week on theaters !
#11
To go off birth control. At 16. Not because he wanted to try getting me pregnant (we weren’t even having sex) but because “knowing that I wasn’t technically fertile made me seem less feminine.” Not to mention I was on it for debilitating cramps.
Seabeast 4 years ago
Yup. This is a page straight out of the controlling abuser handbook - get your partner pregnant so that she is tied to you for at least 18 years.
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Marco Hub-Dub 4 years ago
Oooh. He straight up wanted to get her pregnant. Probably because he’s insecure and falsely assumed it would force her to stay in a relationship with him. Which makes him manipulative, controlling & most likely a predator.
BetweenTheCracks 4 years ago
It's repulsive when either partner makes this kind of play. GREAT reason to reproduce, too. Very well thought-out.
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#12
My ex didn’t necessarily ask me to change this because he knew it was impossible, but he had a serious problem with me being white. Said he was “betraying his culture” by being with me. I can’t begin to understand the struggle of being a black person in the US, but it makes zero sense to pursue me so hard and then hate that I’m white. Not like that was something I kept hidden that came out later.
Tobias Rieper 4 years ago (edited)
that just makes zero sense to me its not like he found out she was a guy or that she was secretly 3 cats in a human suit or something like that like OP said its not something hidden
Chloe *Leah* Pheonix 4 years ago
Or a bunch of gnomes in a zombie looking suit (any gravity falls fans?)
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Ozacoter 4 years ago (edited)
Definitely. A ex coworker of my partner used to proudly claim how white "bitches" are "good to f**k" but you need to "marry a black girl to keep the race". Disgusting excuse of a man.
Load More Replies... Oopsydaisy 4 years ago
Doesn't sound like he had a problem with you being white, as much as had an internal struggle with being with a white woman. I gather some black women give black men with white women a bit of a hard time in the US.
kit kat 4 years ago
They do, I've heard some black girls saying white women have no substance and that we're not real women. Racism is everywhere
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Pungent Sauce 4 years ago
It really wasn’t that long ago in the US when interracial unions were the subject of legal, civil and religious persecution. People were killed over it.
Sky Render 4 years ago
Can we just stop with xenophobia already? Yes, other people are different from you. That does not make them somehow a problem. It makes them different. Which is a GOOD thing. If we were all the same, this world would be far worse off for it.
Mimi La Souris 4 years ago
do to others what you don’t like to go through, it’s a human trait that I find so illogical
#13
I dye my hair a lot, this is something I’ve always taken pride in and I LOVE my hair. My ex, on the other hand told me I wouldn’t meet his parents until I got rid of the crazy colors. I never met the parents.
Pena Perkele 4 years ago
My ex told me to stop shaving the sides of my head and to not dye my hair with unnatural colours. Boy, I had a fricking mohawk when we met, you can't expect me to become all ladylike for you.
Zenozenobee 4 years ago
Maybe he didn't notice, just like the dude upset by his girlfriend being white ;p
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Wood Carver 4 years ago
Why do people pick someone to date that isn't someone they would want to date and then try to make them into someone they would want to date....
Nikki Sevven 4 years ago
How can you not like this? It makes me smile every time I see it. It's joyful hair.
Rick Hoppenbrouwer 4 years ago
I was surprised to find that brightly colored hair is actually very sexy.
plain bOrEd not panda 4 years ago
Looks great, but one day your hair will regret it, especially if you started young. Speaking from experience, I am a woman with translucent bald spots and I think it's the regular dying for the last 10 years.
Hakitosama 2 years ago
😂 I once dyed my hair red. Not ginger, RED. My dad was outright panicking and my Granny 😂 ho god my Granny's reply : " we bore with your mulet haircut, you'll survive a little color in her hair 🙄"
#14
Me having Asperger’s, and he was a doctor too. When we started dating he was obsessed with how I was ‘the smartest person he’d ever met’ then he tried to get me off my meds because he didn’t believe in them and didn’t understand sensory meltdowns, then when we broke up he said “I tried to fix you but I failed’ lol ok ‘doctor’ good luck with that cure for autism
Oskar vanZandt 4 years ago
Some doctors are in fact arrogant "know-it-all" d*ckwads with god complexes.
Zenozenobee 4 years ago
There are a lot of things I don't understand, that doesn't make these things "not real"...
Daria B 4 years ago
Yeah, unfortunately so, sometimes.... Lots of stupidity out there that I don't understand. Too bad it's still dangerously real... u.u
Load More Replies... Sky Render 4 years ago
You don't "fix" autism. It's only a problem for those who refuse to show a shred of human decency towards those who are autistic.
Isaac Harvey 4 years ago
Take me(18M) off my lamotrigine or lamictal and I’m going to seize sooner or later.
Wise beauty 4 years ago
I’m so confused. He tried to get you off of meds because he didn’t believe in them and yet he was a doctor? What
#15
He wanted me to be shorter. I'm 5'1. He literally wanted me to hunch my shoulders and only wear f**king flats all the time. He was 5'3 and insecure
Cecily Holland 4 years ago
LMFAO. Maybe Nicole Kidman should have tried that
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Trillian 4 years ago
I'm 5'9 and can say from experience that short men tend to be vicious, probably bc of insecurity. Often tried to make me feel bad for my height. Not happening buddy. I can spit on your head!
BetweenTheCracks 4 years ago
Same goes for so-called "men" at the gym. If you're lifting more than them, they're as shaved-monkey touchy about it as adolescent girls, and conduct themselves as such. *Actual* men dgaf.
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Dave P 4 years ago
I met a couple the wife is 5"`11 and the husband has dwarfism and is 4 foot something. Height is not what makes you happy or a relationship work
arienne libbrecht 4 years ago
Peter Dinklage and his wife! They've been together for YEARS!
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XSpooky_Mint 4 years ago
You should have bought a pair of platforms for when you broke up with him
Oskar vanZandt 4 years ago
He could have bought himself some cuban heels with lift inserts if he was that bothered... rather than telling his gf to develop back problems.
#16
My ex-bf wanted me to get tattoos, get gauges, pierce my nipples, and start doing a lot of drugs because iTd Be So hOt. He also wanted me to change my demeanor from upbeat to brooding and moody. That kind of happened naturally with him anyways because he was so soul-suckingly awful to be around.
whodunnitfan2013 4 years ago
Reminds me of my father trying to pressure me into being feminine and ladylike, telling me I'd actually be pretty if I wore dresses and makeup.
GenericPanda09 4 years ago
"soul-suckingly awful to be around." sorry, but that phrase did make me chuckle a little. My nickname for an ex was 'The Mood Hoover' for I guess similar reasons.
Biba Little 4 years ago
My ex husband also tried to change my personality, from introvert and loner (he knew exactly who I was when he met me) to extroverted happy smiling housewife who likes guests. He was putting so much pressure on that I decided to leave marriage. I just can't become different person.
ℙ𝕦𝕣𝕣_𝕞𝕒𝕚𝕕 4 years ago
Glad to be reading this as "ex-bf" - and you know when they said "misery loves company," they weren't wrong. People can be so consumed by their own negativity they cannot stand to see even those close to them enjoying the least bit of positive energy. Even if you love them, it's best to do so from afar lest you become a part of their darkness.
Dirk Daring 4 years ago
I have a friend who had a boyfriend like that, he wanted her to change everything to be what he wanted. She dumped him by saying, "Boy, this ain't a Build-a-B***h"
Alethia Nyx 4 years ago
Why did he even start the relationship if it sounds like he pretty much wanted to date a completely different person, who was the exact opposite?
#17
My ex told me I needed to start pretending I didn't understand things even when I did, bc "men like explaining things to women". The ex before him basically told me I was malfunctioning bc I didn't want to be a SAHM, and he asked me to never fart in front of him bc "women don't poop".
NsG 4 years ago
He would have been in for a very rude surprise if he had managed to get her down the Mom path and been present at the birth. Women poop.
Kimi Tomminello 4 years ago
He'd be passed out needing medical attention at first push. Probably upset at his family for not visiting him in the emergency department....
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#18
My religion. He verbally assaulted me when I said I didn’t want to convert to Islam. He did a lot worse, but that’s where the abuse began.
Atero 4 years ago
Practicing religious individuals should be avoided like a plague. They are beyond reasoning and sooner or later they will try to push their personal delusions on everybody else. Good for you it's over...
Viviane 4 years ago
For me, it's the intolerance that's a deal breaker (as in the above example). I'm an atheist Jew (yup, they exist), but have no issue with my husband joining a congregation. On the other hand, I hung up on my dad after he ranted against believers.
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Alexia 4 years ago
I had such a relationship in my twenties. He had a religious fervor that scared me sometimes. Wanted me to dress in long, gray clothes, wear no make-up or perfurme and always look down, because "women should be quiet and humble since they are inferior to men". Cancelled a date because he wanted "to pray more". We broke up shortly.
Sarcastic Cow 4 years ago
Shortly? You needed to kick his ass in the moment when he said 'women should...'
Load More Replies... Casey McAlister 4 years ago
I don't understand this. If you treat your religion seriously you should know you can't just switch religions like a pair of shoes on request, and if you don't and it's just a meaningless label for you - why do you care if your partner doesn't share your religious affiliation with you?
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
This is not how the faith works. Any faith. Pick one. He used it as an excuse, just like bible-thumpers use the bible to thump their kids/spouses.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
No traditonal religions are peaceful no amtter what thwir followers say.
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Oskar vanZandt 4 years ago
Trying to "strong-arm" me into accepting and assimilating your religious fervour? Deal breaker.
#19
My job. He didn't want me working around a "bunch of dudes just trying to f**k you" I'm a welder still 10 years later lol
Oskar vanZandt 4 years ago (edited)
This guy at my work told me his wife didn't want him working at a place with attractive women... I momentarily thought to myself "what kind of control freak is she?"... until he continued and confessed to having had several affairs with women he'd met at various workplaces. (Considering what he looks like, I was rather surprised).
JuniorCJ82 4 years ago
Because as a man is holding and using a 1200 degree tool at work, the foremost thing in his mind is he'd like f**k her, surely nothing like I hope I don't burn myself or anyone else or anything like that...
Amanda Hunter 4 years ago
Actually men need to control themselves, not ban women from being around them.
Robert Thompson 4 years ago
As a Lawn Servant, I go to people's homes every week. Many of my clients are ladies that have chosen (for whatever reason) not to do their own yard work. My ex constantly accused me of having female clients because I wanted to #^@& them. I didn't chose my clients. I advertise my service, and they call me. Also, she was always on and on about how I didn't make much money (Only $50,00/year or so) and so I could never turn down work.
#20
Told me I was too anxious and depressed, and I just needed to be “happy” lol I was on birth control for him too (refused to wear a condom) which caused a lot of these mental health issues. After breaking up, got off the pill + the lack of his presence in my life made me significantly happier. Also, he told me I couldn’t take a joke even though his “jokes” were degrading and humiliating me in front of his friends.
Debbie Barnes 4 years ago
The fact that you became 'significantly happier' after breaking up, showed you who was to blame for your insecurities. Good on you for having the courage to walk away.
Robert Thompson 4 years ago
Amazing what chronic symptoms go away, once the aliment in your life has been removed.
Adira Bennett 4 years ago
It infuriates me that there are so many men who don't just want sex with a partner, like... another entire separate human being who is choosing to share this special intimacy. No. They want the sex to be EXACTLY what they prefer, no matter the cost to the woman. I mean, imagine being so entitled that you weigh your preference for no condoms because it "doesn't feel as good" against ALL the downsides for your partner -- STIs, the life-altering body-morphing medically significant ORDEAL of an unplanned pregnancy-- and you're just like... "C'mon, babe, I can't even enjoy it if you make me wear a condom. It just doesn't FEEL right..." If you're not mature enough to conceptualize your partner as a whole entire living human being and to take into account their BASIC health and safety needs, then sorry, but you're going to have to graduate past middle school level maturity to be ready for sexual activity.
#21
I have long, thick, dark brown hair, great condition, I have never dyed it and it's probably my favourite feature. I get a lot of compliments on it. My ex would always suggest I dye it blonde. If you like blondes, date a blonde. Dumba**
Yeah, you heard 4 years ago
My ex had exactly the same request of me. I never dyed it. He was a dickhead
Rachael Sampson 4 years ago
My ex always nagged me to dye my natural blonde hair to brown. 🙄
Load More Replies... Pena Perkele 4 years ago
My ex wanted me to dye my super blond hair bright red. Red doesn't suit my skin tone, and I like having blue hair, and eventually I did start dyeing the ends blue again while we were together, and now my hair has been more or less blue, sometimes more of a rainbow or just multicoloured in some other way for a bit over 6 years, ever since I dumped him. Actually did a very pretty light pink-purple-blue dye job just a couple of weeks after breaking up with him. It was such a nice hair colour and it made me feel so good.
Rachael Sampson 4 years ago (edited)
Reminds me of my own ex. I have blonde hair and he would always want me to dye it brunette. Um no! I don't want to.
Alex Meurissen 1 month ago (edited)
my ex gilfriend asked me this aswell a million times. She was colombian, im from western europe. She always said 'i finally have a white girl with green eyes, if you would only color your hair blonde now..' xD she was very racist
Evelien Stijger Martens 2 years ago
O only dyed my hear with henna, never annuthing elsez indidn't want to ruin my hair. Always peieple talking about my hear. So mutch, i was glad to cut it of, it was liberating. Noe, i will never dy my hear , ore wear it long anymore , and i am fine.
Karis Ravenhill 4 years ago
I always brush my eyebrows upwards to lift them and create a more feminine appearance, my ex was always pushing my eyebrows back down to make me appear more child like. He also hated how I looked so 'womanly' compared to his last girlfriend who looked like a 12yr old. I suspect he was a closet pedophile. Don't change yourself for anyone at their request.
Abbey Impson 4 years ago
we must have the same ex....would always suggest I go blonde. nothing against blondes but I would look absolutely wretched as a blonde.
Enby.Minecraft.Bee. 4 years ago
I had a ex that wanted me to shave my hair and dye it brown because my thick black hair was ¨Too thick and dark.¨
#22
The way I walk (I "walk too loudly") and the way my face looks when I read books. Apparently, I was supposed to smile all the time.
Just having a nice smile reading All Quiet on the Western Front.
Jaekry 4 years ago
This is a new low. Walk to loudly? Have a testing smile face? Makes me wonder what a twat he was.
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Yes. My dad corrected our way of walking repeatedly. A lot. We couldn't even walk right. Our expressions had to be blank. Basically, yes, a twat.
Load More Replies... CariBear 4 years ago
I HATE being told to smile on command. Like I’ll smile when I feel like it not because someone tells me I should
BetweenTheCracks 4 years ago
Have you ever seen a Rosie O'Donnell "smile"? Bare your teeth at the next fool like that. Be careful not to slip in the wee-wee puddle they may very well leave behind. ;)
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Magpie 4 years ago
Yeah that'll make a better thud when you throw it on the floor in disgust ;p
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Huddo's sister 4 years ago
I had to read that for school and hated it. It didn't help that we had read Generals die in bed the year before and were not taught well.
Load More Replies... Viviane 4 years ago
How close is he?? My husband had a phase where he liked listening to me eat radishes.
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#23
He wanted me to distance myself from my family mainly because he wasn't close to his family and didn't have that kind of support.
He picked me up on Thanksgiving to have lunch with his mom. He promised we would go together to my family's Thanksgiving at dinner. Evening rolled around and he proclaimed he was too tired to go and refused to drive me the whole 25 minutes to my grandpa's house. When I didn't show up my family freaked out and my siblings came to get me. My brother asked my boyfriend what happened and he couldn't come up with an answer other than he was tired. Later he posted online my brother tried to fight him haha. Dumped him that night! I would have left him sooner, but I was young and dumb!
Oskar vanZandt 4 years ago (edited)
The first steps towards a fully coercive control-based relationship... isolating the person from their family and friends.
Kurtis Wethington 4 years ago
Bingo. Followed by physically isolating her by moving to a strange new place, making her quit her job and for him to have the only vehicle, so she's functionally a prisoner in her own home.
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Nadine Bamberger 4 years ago
A partner that wants you to cut ties with family and friends is a walking red flag, that's a step into a textbook abusive relationship.
Vasana Phong 4 years ago
Wow, sounds familiar, my ex had a problem with me going to see family and holiday functions just because his family was crap
Lovin' Life 4 years ago
I think this would be an appropriate time to insert the " everyone clapped". It's a true moment to clap.
Robert Thompson 4 years ago
I missed out on 10 years of my family for my ex. Life is so much sweeter now. And I have been having so much fun catching up with everything I missed.
#24
He didn’t want me to cry. Ever. “The women in my family would never cry unless their arm was being sawed off at the time.” Twenty some years later I realized he should have married his sister
Tassenküchlein168 4 years ago
I'm single for 15 years and I haven’t been crying for 15 years, except when watching movies. 🥰
KieLeaHar 2 years ago
I’ve been single for 11 years and I cry all the time. Completely unrelated to movies and people it’s mainly me that I cry about.
Load More Replies... #25
Him: You shouldn't wear makeup;
Me: Why, what's the problem? Lots of women wear makeup;
Him: My mom doesn't
Ren Karlej 4 years ago
Ugh... men who want their mummy in their partner!! My sister is married to a man who doesn't like make up so she stopped wearing it. I'd have slapped on even more.
Vasana Phong 4 years ago
I think this is one of the first signs of insecurity, In their mind they’re thinking who are you trying to impress?
Deidre Lippnik 3 years ago
That is so gross.. i hate that whole Oedipus complex thing.. i get it, your moms an amazing woman and you want your woman to be like her... but these types of guys want a woman to take care of them so they dont have to do anything! Its gross
#26
My college boyfriend said I could "stand to lose a few". I wish he could see me now..I am so much fatter lol. No, but really I looked great and he was a dweeb.
Ren Karlej 4 years ago
I worked with a very lonely but seemingly nice enough man. There was a lovely friendly woman where we worked who was a little overweight and I suggested he ask her out (I was in a long term relationship to a man I since married). He said 'I don't like fat women'. Yeah - ignore how kind and funny she is... 🙄 (She was also far from ugly but that's beside the point). She is married with children and he is... still alone. Surprise!! Though he has spent years stalking me so I've no sympathy.
Seabeast 4 years ago
That's the way it is with incels. They whine endlessly about how the drop-dead model look-alikes won't date them, but they won't even consider dating women who are their match for physical attractiveness.
Load More Replies... Yara Balabanova 4 years ago
Weight loss shouldn't come from shame, it should come from a place of love for yourself to be healthy
JuniorCJ82 4 years ago
Stand to lose a few, eh? I'm about to lose ~175 lbs. of useless bf. D**k...
Agamemnon Padar 4 years ago
My best friend for 25 years has become very big over the years. I love and adore her since we met, but she just wants me as a friend 💔 how little do I care that she is overweight, apart concerning her health 😔
Ozacoter 4 years ago
I am sorry. But the heart wants what the heart wants. Time to move on and charish her as your friend and nothing more
Load More Replies... GenericPanda09 4 years ago (edited)
If a guy tells you that you could stand to lose a few inches around the middle, tell them they could with gaining a couple.
Robert Thompson 4 years ago
My guess is that you look even better now that you have your adult body.
#27
"You're too nice, you need to stop that." Said every time I gave money or food to a panhandler or charity, any time I expressed compassion for someone who wasn't him, and especially when we were watching George W Bush's invasion of Iraq and I was horrified at all the Iraqi people dying.
ZAPanda 4 years ago (edited)
sorry but you need to use the following opening line when dating: republican, nazi, or maga-hat? -> if yes, kick to the kerb.
Jane Smith 4 years ago
People with NO compassion or empathy will one day live the life, alone, that they deeply deserve.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
Sadly most succeed in life and never taste what they deserve
Load More Replies... Nikki Sevven 4 years ago
Me: How many books do you own? None? None?! Thank you for your time. Next!
Ozacoter 4 years ago
Unless they are dislexic. My partner would love to read but its too difficult for him.
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#28
He thought my laugh could be more "ladylike," because as long as I had a witch cackle he wouldn't "be able to take me anywhere high-class."
He was flat broke at the time and I was paying for everything. I also sound different depending on how hard I'm laughing, so it's not like I had to break out the witch laugh at all these imaginary restaurants and balls we were totally going to attend. Didn't matter, he wanted me to train myself out of it anyway
Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
Hearing the people I love laughing is literally the best sound in the world. Wanting to suppress that is not a good sign.
Jon Steensen 4 years ago
laughter is suposed to be spontainous and honest, not a well calculated thing, where you choose how to express yourself. If you can't openly laught in your relationship, I would say it is time to leave, as life without laughter is pretty sad.
KombatBunni 4 years ago
I love my witchy cackle! And I'll hex anyone who tries to get me to change it!
Lousha 4 years ago
Oh yeah, being ladylike... This guy I dated for a short time asked me once to change my shoes before we leave because they are not ladylike. They were sort of trainers with high heels and they looked awesome! At the time he was wearing and old jogging set, and it was late at night, we were about to leave my place, hop into his car, go to his place and spend the night all by ourselves. I was not planning on wearing shoes once we arrive obviously.
Lousha 4 years ago
Not an ex but a classmate in high school always felt the need to tell me why I'm not ladylike that day. Like proper girls don't wear belts.
Load More Replies... Cecily Holland 4 years ago
I bet she did it at every opportunity possible after that lol. I would
Oskar vanZandt 4 years ago (edited)
"Your smile makes me smile/ Your laugh makes me laugh/ Your joy gives me joy..." (Sinead O'Connor lyrics) All good ways of relating to someone you care about...
Auntriarch 4 years ago
My repertoire boasts not only the witch cackle, but also Sid James, Basil Brush, Muttley, and of course the snort-laugh.
Pena Perkele 4 years ago
Witch cackle is great! It just feels good when such a laugh comes out :D I laugh in many ways depending on the situation and just everything, and tbh the witch cackle seems to be funny to other people too.
Kimi Tomminello 4 years ago
My hubby is intimidated by my laugh but has never asked me to change it or given up making me laugh. He says I sound like I'm making fun of someone (I guess it reminds him if an ex that used to gossip) but that he knows he needs to get over it. To be fair I have a VERY accusatory laugh and it's VERY loud. My mom always told me how much she hated it and tried to get me to change it. I stopped laughing for a long time. I will never not laugh again. This is actually a lot more damaging to your mental health than you may realize. If anyone asks you not to laugh run, not walk, away.
#29
My last partner tried to make me change my willingness to be cheated on. She thought I should be "open to the idea"
BlackestDawn 4 years ago
I could understand if they asked for being open to a polyamorous, polygamous, or open relationship but not open to the idea of being cheated on. Cheating is never ok regardless of the relationship type.
Lila Launehase 4 years ago
I agree. I live in a polyamorous relationship, my partner had sex with other human beings and never cheated on me.
Load More Replies... Alexia 4 years ago
He should try another sort of "open". Like, "the door is open, bye". You don't need that prick.
Martha Meyer 4 years ago
I'm starting to think it's very rare for two people to meet and both of them actually being open to an open relationship. In most cases one person wants it and tries to or succeeds at "convincing" the other person to give in.
GenericPanda09 4 years ago
I've always suspected the vast majority of cases to be like that but I have no way or knowing for sure and maybe it's just that i'm a cynical sod.
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#30
My body. I'm 5'5 and naturally thin, but I didn't have muscle at the time. I had been looking to start going to the gym though, so I agreed to go with her. I'd always played sports so I looked forward to being active again. I wanted to gain strength. She had a gym addiction and her type was pretty much strictly fit people. She's straight up said she wouldn't date an overweight/fat person because they wouldn't be "healthy" (disgusting mindset). She was pretty much trying to mold me to fit her "type" exactly. Including down to my diet which I had to tell her outright to shut the f**k up about what I ate (You can pry ice cream out of my cold, dead hands). That relationship did not last long. But I feel very vindicated in the fact that I reached her fitness goals in half the time she did just because I genuinely enjoy working out. It helps my mood and ADHD symptoms. I couldn't care less what I look like as long as my body feels healthy and strong. I have a 4 pack of abs and hella strength now. And my current beautiful, thick, strong af girlfriend very much loves my body for what it is regardless of whether it's "fit" or not.
ShriSha Kamboj 4 years ago
v need to learn to accept people the way they r...n not mold them like clay into the shape we want.......
Oskar vanZandt 4 years ago
And if you can't accept them initially, for goodness sakes don't bother dating them!
Load More Replies... Marcellus II 4 years ago
Yes but usually a self-control freak... so that's not such an issue.
Load More Replies... #31
My first bf had a problem with me wearing super trendy colourful clothes. "why can't you just wear jeans and a black tee? Why can't you just wear black clothes?" It annoyed him that people would look at me when we went to malls. It got to a point where if he was picking me up, he'd call and ask "are you ready? Send me a pic of what you're wearing. If it's pink or orange, change into black. If it's a skirt, wear jeans". He made me promise not to wear my favorite deep purple corduroys. He didn't realise that it wasn't the clothes that people looked at me for. I was a loud, outgoing teen with a bubbly personality. THAT'S what made me attract a bit of attention. He hated when people looked at me at all. Even older women who have stopped me to compliment my style or hair. He's changed in the 10 years since and we're still good friends. He agrees he'd been the jealous type and hated all my friends and hated how much attention I got. He's grown now. And is a much better human being and an amazing friend.
Kirsten Kerkhof 4 years ago
I'm rather glad to hear he has grown and turned into a great friend.
Ellie Rosser 4 years ago
He might now see the light about WHY he didn’t like your clothes but that doesn’t alter him being the sort of peson who thought it was ok to make you change outfits and not do things you enjoyed. Doesn’t sound worth the friendship,effort to me.
#32
My ex boyfriend was very worried about the hair on my upper lip. Now that I’m years out of that relationship, I realize I don’t have an extremely hair upper lip and the memory of his obsession over that makes me so mad. One time when we were kissing, I thought we were having a nice moment, but he pulled away and ran his finger over my upper lip and said “you need to get that fixed.” When I went to the salon to have it waxed, the esthetician told me, unprompted, that she thought I was wasting my money getting my upper lip waxed because it wasn’t hairy. I really just think he just wanted to make me feel bad about myself.
Yoga Kitty 4 years ago
Reminds me of the "body odour" post here on Bored Panda - another guy who was taught by his daddy to keep the woman small and insecure so that she will not leave him?
JuniorCJ82 4 years ago
Oh, you mean the nearly identical post from a few days ago?
Load More Replies... RandomX123 4 years ago
But not every adult seems to have any brains in their upper storeys
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JessRS 4 years ago
Meanwhile my husband and I have "beard" competitions. He has a lumberjack beard and I have Pai Mei's beard (at least in my mind) so I always win.
Stephanie Did It 4 years ago
From now on I will refer to my lady beard as the Pai Mei!
Load More Replies... ShriSha Kamboj 4 years ago
maybe he was using reverse psychology to make u feel less....n so that u won't feel beautiful......n even if not....he still prolly sucks
#33
My life goals. Before I realized I was playing for the other team, the dude just decided, on his own, that we were going to have children and I was going to be his somehow always scantily clad housewife, despite me saying several times I'm never, * ever * having children, and I'll be doing bare necessities housework because I got s**t to do before I go to the grave.
ShriSha Kamboj 4 years ago
wow...lemme guess........he also wanted u to cook for him like a 'good' wife
Paula Marowsky 4 years ago
nothing bad reviewing life goals from time to time... specially if it includes dumping as$#oles away from your life
#34
He had a time limit for conversations. But it only applied when I was speaking or the subject had to do with me. Did not matter if I was happy, sad, upset, worried, excited. Time limit on it. And I am talking minutes for me to share things. Communication was a joke, yet he repeatedly bragged about what a great communicator he was
JessRS 4 years ago
Oh god, I hope it's the same person and there aren't many guys like that out there.
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DannyGirl 4 years ago
My ex told me he could only handle a ten minute conversation Even if it was about the kids and something important wirh them I am stuck with him for life unfortunately as we have kids and I have to try to figure out a discussion and solution to any of the issues our kids face in ten minutes
Candia Lee 4 years ago
You are not stuck with him for life. If you are staying for religious reasons, it's a bad religion. Why would your God want you to be treated so badly? Get out. You don't need him.
Load More Replies... LazyPanda 4 years ago
Yeah men can be quite disgusting here. Think they are such good communicators when communication requires empathy, which historically it has been shown that women excel here. Measure your communication by how well people can understand you, and you them. That's all that matters. If you're walking around thinking you're a great communicator but everyone else needs to catch up, you are actually the worst communicator.
Robert Thompson 4 years ago
Been there. She was the same way with me. Dignity, religion, money, whatever.... I was a possession not a person.
#35
My whole personality. This dude (admittedly very shallow looking back but I was so naive then) told me straight up that I was cute but I’d be better off without the personality because “it’s a bit much.” He didn’t like that I liked to laugh and joke around and such. He basically wanted me to just become an accessory. Shut up and look pretty. Yeah nah I got tf outta there
#36
An ex asked me to stop saying sorry all the time. I'm sorry, but I'm Canadian and I cannot help it.
Debbie Barnes 4 years ago
If he can't accept you for traits you have, then he's not the one for you. Our traits and personalities make us who we are and I've spent way too many years not being me, to please others.. Dump him and wait for the person who loves you entirely. :)
Emily 4 years ago
I kind of get where he might be coming from. I have a tendency to apologize unnecessarily and my husband tries to break me of this habit because he doesn't want me to be sorry for being myself. BUT if your ex is just being a butt about you having a cute mannerism then that's not cool!
Thomas Sweda 4 years ago
Not to worry, you could have been an American Republican, and had lots more to be sorry about!
Mobey Drunk 3 years ago
It might be annoyance of insecurity. Apologizing for things you shouldn't have to. I've found myself on both sides of the spectrum.
HooowlAtTheMoon 4 years ago
my gf tells me to stop saying sorry all the time. it's not bc shes mean it's because she wants me to (and i quote) "realize how awesome you are and stop feeling the need to apologize for basically existing, bc you deserve confidence in yourself" i thought it was very sweet
Mohsie Supposie 4 years ago
At least this one is not as bad as some of the others here. A stupid request though nonetheless.
#37
He told me my taste in music was awful, and that I should only listen to the most talented musicians in styles I was learning. He trained me to listen to music only for work, never for fun, and would turn off the stereo if I was listening to something like pop music for fun in the car. We're both professional musicians. You'd think it would be impossible to ruin music for a musician. That was 10 years ago, and I still have intense anxiety about choosing music, and listening to music around other people.
Chucky Cheezburger 4 years ago
What the actual eff...If you only listen to music for work, you're doing it wrong. Music is fun, music is emotion. Music is soul... Its ment to be enjoyed whether it's the most intense orchestra or twinkle twinkle little star played on a kids toy piano...If you hear something that just blows you away that sound humanly impossible, enjoy it. But if you want to keep enjoying it,, never learn to play it. Once you do, that wonder is replaced with the knowledge of how it's done...At least that's what happened to me.
Pena Perkele 4 years ago
I've had boyfriends who have tried to control what I listen to, and that really f*****g sucks. One was always blasting his music through the speakers, and if I wanted to listen to something I liked, I had to use the headphones. He's not the only one who has been shitty about music though. Now I don't take any s**t about that anymore. I will listen to what I want, and that's that.
Natalie Payseur 4 years ago
Coming from someone who listens to music 24/7 for everything, he was such an asshole and shouldnt be a musician
Dani Alexander 4 years ago
People should know that music is totally subjective, and you can’t get mad at someone if their music taste it not your cup of tea.
Dolly_of TheCowboy 4 years ago
I so totally get sick of the classical snob mindset that basically revolves around "If you listen to anything/anyone but X (their favourite composer) you are not a real musician". Really? I listen to lots of trance and metal and whatever the hell else I like and I play classical music in orchestras so stick that in your cor anglais and smoke it
#38
Her words exactly “You need to stop being bi sexual! I understand it’s who you are but it doesn’t work for me and I really want to be with you” total cringe!! Needless to say, we aren’t together anymore.
H Edwards 4 years ago
Bisexual people really have to put up with a lot of sh*t. Either it's people not believing that they are really bi (like, pick a side kind of thing), or it's being rejected by both gay and straight people because they don't want to date someone who is bi.
Mii 4 years ago
I honestly don't get why some people refuse to date bisexuals. I mean yeah, they like both genders but they aren't gonna leave you because they saw someone hot, if they are serious about their realtionship with you. Just like straight people and homosexuals. I just don't get it..
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Kanuli 4 years ago
Well. Even if one is bi. As long as you are in a monogamous committed relationship, why would it affect him?
Nela Rothenbach 4 years ago
Many people of this kind think they have to "watch out" for both genders when being with someone who's bi....because you know being bi just means you want to fúck everybody 🙄
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Scagsy 4 years ago
My wife is bi and when she came out to her mum, her mum says (supportively) 'That's alright love' and then added (not so supportively) 'Don't tell anyone though'. People need to move with the times. LGBT+ is a thing. And it's certainly not a bad thing. So you're either with it or against it, you can't have it both ways.
Leodavinci 4 years ago
Times change. I'm straight, so I'm inherently not with it (thanks to the genetics of millions of years of evolution)... but I'm not against it because it's not my life, so I don't care. I'm indifferent.
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UpQuarkDownQuark 4 years ago
I’ve never understood the issue people have with bi people, especially not believing it’s real. If someone tells me they’re bi, I accept it as readily as if they told me they’re left-handed. Why is it such a big damn deal to people?!
Pena Perkele 4 years ago
A few weeks ago I heard a person say that they "cured their significant other from bi-ness" and I cringed so hard and it keeps popping into my head. I dunno if it was a joke, but as a bi myself, I'd hate it if somebody tried to "cure" be from being bi. Well, some have had issues with me also liking my own gender, and all of those people are exes now.
Mimi La Souris 4 years ago
it seems as inconsistent to me as asking the person to have no skin
Grace Walsh 4 years ago (edited)
Sorry, but I don’t know what bisexual is. Well, I do but I forget. I do support LGBTQ+ Though
Deidre Lippnik 3 years ago
Im bisexual and i gotta say some people miss the point! It doesnt matter who i am attracted to, if im with you..IM WITH ONLY YOU! Just because i like girls too doesnt mean my love and loyalty are less pure
JuniorCJ82 4 years ago
Bisexual people can STILL date people. (I did once. He was delightful.) Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
#39
How much time it took me to have an orgasm lol. Like as if it's in my control.
Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
There are many men out there that enjoy the journey, no need to stick around with one that finds it a chore.
Rick Hoppenbrouwer 4 years ago
I think that's a him problem. Works better when you mentally stimulate your partner as well as physically.
Craig Reynolds 4 years ago
And that right there kids is how performance anxiety issues come about. He probably had no idea that saying that to you was only going to make it less enjoyable for you. Ladies, if a guy says something like that to you, return the favor by saying he doesn't feel as hard as he should and you hope he isn't having performance issues. It's a good bet his little friend will quit his job after that and forever have difficulties. It's harsh but deserved.
Chucky Cheezburger 4 years ago
Yeah, I've always thought of women as diesel engines. When you start them up, it takes a while for them to get warmed up to proper temperature. Can't rush it, just gotta work with it and enjoy helping get there.
Bradley Molloy 4 years ago
Not to be negative but most of these examples could be applied to women as well. I've dated far too many women who thought I needed to be "changed' as if who I am is not enough.
Candia Lee 4 years ago
Then make sure you add your stories to the next list so guys get represented.
Load More Replies... #40
My past. He was appalled to find out an ex of mine was Jewish.
Steffen Rehm 4 years ago
No wonder, nazis in my experience are very insecure people.
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Craig Reynolds 4 years ago
What? Why? Was he afraid his p*nis wasn't kosher or was he just a nazi?
Isaac Harvey 4 years ago
Yes, because I can choose to forget I have had chemotherapy for 15 months for childhood brain cancer, and I can forget about my epilepsy diagnosis and my prescription for it as well as my routine MRIs.
Ozacoter 4 years ago (edited)
Nowhere in the post it says that it was a white person. Discrimination comes from all people not only some. The fact that you read antisemitic and you think white is pretty racist tough.
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Pearl 4 years ago
Go away, You little shitty troll. Take your Religious discrimination on the way out
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#41
He told me if we ever got married and had kids I would have to be the stay at home parent… the person who went through 6 years of higher education, had a stable well paying career, and bomb a** health insurance…. He was a photographer.
Oskar vanZandt 4 years ago (edited)
What is it with men not wanting to be the stay at home parent? This societal bias has to stop... I feel that whichever parent is better suited to the task should take on the role (agreed on collaboratively). And I am sure most women partners would pitch in more with the at-home parenting tasks than the vast majority of men currently do.
13 4 years ago
Who says this has anything to do with social bias and isn't just purely personal preference?
Load More Replies... Leodavinci 4 years ago
The "He was a photographer" end comment makes them come off sounding more than a bit condescending about his career choice. How well would this would sit with most on BP if the roles were reversed? Not very, I suspect.
Kurtis Wethington 4 years ago
She's literally the more financially and medically stable of the two to support a family than he is yet *he* wants *her* to drop everything to be a housewife for the family to live off *his* smaller, less-stable income. This is not hard to understand and not a double-standard, it's common sense clashing against an insecure, impractical mindset.
Load More Replies... 13 4 years ago
I'm guessing in this case he feels just as much relief. Nowhere does it say that it was because this was expected of her because she was the woman. He might just have made clear that he has no desire to be the SAHP. And in this case way to let your ego show by throwing it purely on education and career and not weigh in personal preference. You sound extremely high maintenance.
Kurtis Wethington 4 years ago
She clearly has the money and health insurance to be the breadwinner of the family when he didn't. He clearly *wants* kids, but lacks the financial and medical stability to do so. He's clearly insecure when it comes to gender roles and so is anyone trying to side with him on this.
Load More Replies... #42
My now ex, told me I peed too loudly when I first woke up in the morning and it disgusted him
Skitty 4 years ago
I have been informed by a man that they can, in fact, change the volume of their urine depending on where it hits the bowl. Girls can’t do that, chief.
Josy Bannon 4 years ago
Well I can? But also if the bathroom door in this apartment isnt thick enough its not the girls fault he is disturbed by it.
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Mobey Drunk 3 years ago
I hope you laughed as much as I did. This is absolutely f*****g absurd
April Stephens 4 years ago
How about he goes into the kitchen and starts making her breakfast instead of pressing his ear to the bathroom door?
#43
He said he couldn’t support my decision to go to nursing school because his ex was a nurse and she struggled a lot through school. Plus he also wanted to travel. I dumped him during that conversation. Became a nurse and I’ve traveled more than he has.
Littlebunnyfufu 4 years ago
I'd love it if this ended in the op saying she's a traveling nurse!
#44
He wanted me to get bigger boobs. I’m happy with my B cup thank you a**hole. I dumped his a**.
Chucky Cheezburger 4 years ago
Yeah, if they ain't happy with what you got, they won't ever be happy. And just for the record, as a straight guy, I can honestly say that bigger aint always better.
#45
He kept insisting that I socialize more with strangers. Like we would be ordering drinks in a beach bar and he would insist that I make small talk with these two random girls who were also ordering. Like idgaf about small talk with strangers, stop forcing me! Ugh
BlackestDawn 4 years ago
Why do I get the feeling that he was trying to steer you into a threesome (or more).
Katherine Boag 4 years ago
Have an ex like this, we would go out and he would pay attention to everyone except me (and im not talking about when we went out with a group either) and then was confused why i was always upset
#46
I once had a guy who I wasn’t even dating ask me if I shaved down there. We had exchanged numbers and were “talking” but this question still threw me off. I answered honestly and told him I shave, but I don’t shave it all off and he was appalled and said, “Oh I don’t know if I’d like going down on you if you weren’t completely bare.” Ummmm who said you were ever going to see my vagina? Needless to say, he never did!
Helen Haley 4 years ago
Apparently, men have no idea just how uncomfortable pubic hair maintenance can be. Ingrown hairs, razor or wax burns, the list goes one. All in an area with constant rubbing that you're expected to sit on. They either don't know or don't care.
CV Vir 4 years ago
I think I’d agree to do it two weeks after he did the same.
Load More Replies... Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
Grown men that can't cope with pubic hair . . . ? Aside from the rudeness of asking such personal questions. Yuck.
Candia Lee 4 years ago
Grown men who want sex with little girls with boobs.
Load More Replies... Oskar vanZandt 4 years ago
I think that "pube-scaping" should be left to the individual whose body is involved... it's fine to have preferences but asking this type of thing of a near-stranger? Uncouth. And none of their business!
Chucky Cheezburger 4 years ago
Yeah, down there hair is a pretty normal thing. One caveat though...Sometimes things can get a bit wooly downtown and a trim wouldn't be a bad thing. Not necessarily shaved, just run a trimmer over things. Do they make a thing for women thats kinda like a beard trimmer, only for down there? Anyway, its nice when the nose isn't tickled when someones taken care of bidniss.
#47
My ex husband told me that I wasn't a real women because I didn't wear heels or style my hair or wear make up or dress up.
Susie Elle 4 years ago
Your father sounds like an ass, I'm sorry you had/have to deal with that
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Erin Sedoris 4 years ago
Started living with a guy and he told me I was "letting myself go". Told him "You come home, take your pants off, and scratch your balls all day day through your boxers." He immediately apologized.
Vasana Phong 4 years ago
A real woman doesn’t need all that, those are superficial inhancements
Cecily Holland 4 years ago
Should have told him he’d been married to man then according to his logic
Oskar vanZandt 4 years ago
Not a deal-breaker and something for him to carp on about apparently... or maybe he just started spouting this nonsense once they were married?
Load More Replies... #48
Dated a girl who wanted me to be “more masculine” cos she thought I looked more attractive that way. Got rid of her. Dated a trans man who wanted me to be “more feminine.” Got rid of him too. I’m non-binary and how I choose to dress is for me and not them.
VeninTheNonBinaryRogue 4 years ago
Shut the f**k up. Their gender is their own, and don’t call ANYBODY a tranny you dickhead
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#49
To stop being a vegetarian because it wasn’t fair to him (still not clear on how my dietary choices had any impact on him) or to get off anti-depressants because it made my feelings “inauthentic”.
Nikki Sevven 4 years ago
Every time I read one of these articles, it just confirms that my happiness at being single is valid.
Chucky Cheezburger 4 years ago
Yeah, what you choose to eat or not eat isn't something your SO needs to worry about, except in situations of genuine concern. Like if you eat stuff that is harmful. My wife is vegetarian...I am....not. We make it work though.
jammer 4 years ago
Tried a vegan vegetable marinade from internet on pork cutlets once, and every single time after that. Vegans sure can choose their spices!
Load More Replies... Jon Steensen 4 years ago
However it is true that antidepressants puts a cap on the feelings, the good as well as the bad ones. However thinking that everything will be better if you just let go of the antidepressants is a mistake. People don't pop those pills for fun, they are what is needed to keep the head above the water so you can make the changes in your life that will be your life vest in the future, and giving them up without a proper phasing out can cause a major relapse to a state worse than the condition was to begin with.
#50
I got told I was needy and possessive because I am monogamous and would also like my partners to be. Same guy also took me to Pizza Hut once, waved the salad menu in my face and said "I think you're better off looking at this!" so yeah I also basically got told to lose weight.
#51
My long hair. They said it was fine mid-back, but if it grew past my waist, that was (and I quote) "a deal-breaker." My only regret about cutting them out of my life so fast was that they weren't around to see my hair reach my butt or to hear the constant compliments I get on it
Biba Little 4 years ago
I had one of those too. He actually wanted me to cut my hair short, constantly praising short hair in girls and saying how long hair is "messy". I didn't cut my hair for him.
Auntriarch 4 years ago
The plain fact length of hair is a deal breaker, is indeed a deal breaker
VeninTheNonBinaryRogue 4 years ago
Long hair is awesome. I would never wear it, but on other people it looks so cool, and you can do so many cool things with it.
#52
A guy started a big fight with me for eating scrambled eggs from a bowl instead of a plate. To this day I still don’t get why it was such a big deal.
#53
I used to have the side of my head shaved (buzzed, not shaved bald.) I loved it. My ex asked me to stop cutting it and let it grow out. I said “Why? I like it.” He said “Because I don’t like my girlfriend having shorter hair than me.” Sounds like it’s time to shave your head then, buddy.
My Name Is Mars 4 years ago
What a jackass. I shave my head bald and my boyfriend loves it. He also loves it when I have a mohawk. And an undercut. And a pixie cut. And a bob. What I'm getting at is he loves me no matter what I look like.
#54
Basically my personality. I am a very quiet and gentle person. I can be very diligent and passionate about something but in quiet way and with the freedom to do so. My ex led me to believe that there was something wrong with my because I was not firely passionate about my goals. I felt like there was something wrong with my very being. Thankfully, we are no longer together, and guess what, I'm going after my goals!
#55
How I sleep. Like, do I have to sleep facing his direction?
Cecily Holland 4 years ago
We don’t sleep in the same bed and haven’t in 18 years. Problem solved
Monday 4 years ago
Everyone gets their own space and their own blankets....sounds like an absolute win.
Load More Replies... #56
My clothes, he inspected my long skirt carefully, and said it was transparent and told me not to wear it. It was hardly transparent and I had leggings on underneath. I laughed at him and we ended up breaking up a week or two later. He was a clown
Kanuli 4 years ago
Looool. Yes you should be aware if something is see-through. But anything after that is totally up to you. If you are ok with people seeing your nipples, bra, shirt, panties, leggins, who else should care? It’s your choice.
BlackestDawn 4 years ago
I get the feeling it wasn't really what most people would consider see-through but rather him being able to see anything through it when it lays on his hand.
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#57
One time on a dating app a man messaged me and asked if I could change my name because he didn't like unisex names
ShriSha Kamboj 4 years ago
ask him to change his IQ......it's giving me too much of a headache
UpQuarkDownQuark 4 years ago (edited)
Did you tell him you’re picky about names, too, and especially don’t like di*ks?
#58
This one boyfriend I had when I was 16 asked me to get colored contacts because he wanted me to have brown eyes and not green eyes. Said I'd be his "dream girl" if I did that.
John David Miller 4 years ago
That made me laugh a little too hard in front of mom had to show her
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Alexia 4 years ago
Yep, something similar happened to me. First date with a guy, we went to a restaurant and he'd speak about him almost all the time. At the end, he told me I shouldn't pin my hopes on a relationship with him, because his dream girl would be a blue-eyed blonde (I am brunette, green eyes). A lady next to us accidentally heard this remark and, with a disgusted face, she pointed down below her waist: "Do you see this, boy? It's blonde and blue-eyed!" and then, briefly, to me: "Dump him!" Kudos to her, she instantly leveled up my sinking morale. I laughed for days :)))
#59
In high school, my then-bf told me I wasn’t allowed to wear clothes from Forever 21 or Ross because that was “ghetto” and he wanted me to wear A&F, Hollister, and AEO….as if I had the money, took me a couple of years to realize what a [friggin] loser he was
Pungent Sauce 4 years ago
Pretty sure I’m going to enjoy your company more if you want to hit up the thrift/secondhand stores with me instead of the mall.
#60
To not have more tattoos than him at any point. So when I wanted my second and he only had the one, he expected me to wait until he got a second tattoo first.
I'm guessing it had something to with his weird hang up on masculinity. I didn't listen and got my second while we were dating. He didn't say or do anything about it.
Pena Perkele 4 years ago
My ex got pissy because I went to an actual tattoo artist to get a tattoo without telling him about it in advance. I didn't tell because I knew he'd get pissed off, and tbh I already knew that I wanted the relationship to end. All of his tattoos were made by him and his friends and they were absolutely horrible. The quality was super bad, but I was willing to overlook that. His body, his choice. I just wouldn't want bad tattoos on my skin.
Candia Lee 4 years ago
I got a small tattoo. He said now I had an identifying mark on me, as in cops track you by your tattoos.
#61
Mine wanted me to drink more because it wasn’t fun having a girlfriend who barely drank. He had the audacity to tell people afterwards that I was an alcoholic. Glad he dumped me!
#62
I was told not to shake people’s hands when I meet new people because it’s too intimidating.
Candia Lee 4 years ago
But that wasn't the reason given. They said it was intimidating, which is weird.
Load More Replies... #63
He started telling people I had a different job title than I actually do, because it “sounded better”. Now I’m more successful than he is, so he can suck it.
#64
To stop swirling wine when I drink it at his dad's house, "because it comes off as if you are the mistress of the house." I told him it's not my fault he wasn't raised knowing the proper way of drinking wine. We were 19-20, I just immigrated to the US from a country where my dad has been teaching me about wine for a few years, and bf's dad and stepmom (from my region) had good wine culture and had no issue with it, but not his mom's side.
#65
He told me I had to become okay with him messing around with other women, and be okay with my partners doing that in general if we broke up, because I was never going to be validating enough to him or any other man so they would always need to seek it elsewhere. We are not together anymore. I’m plenty validating to any guy who isn’t a bottomless pit of insecurity.
#66
My voice. I can project, I come from a family of loud talkers. He's super shy, we've been together 16 yrs, he still cringes if I open my mouth outside in the 167 townhome complex we live in because "someone might hear me".
Oopsydaisy 4 years ago
I have a loud voice, and I totally get this. I embarrass myself sometimes, and I cannot work in an open plan office!
Nikki Sevven 4 years ago
I also have a naturally loud voice. I've had men get upset because they thought I was yelling at them. No, sweetie, I'm just naturally loud.
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HempFairy 4 years ago
I can't stand loud people. As a foreigner living in the Balkan... i suffer! Man, people here can be very, very loud.
Ancsuri 4 years ago
As from an eastern european county visiting America...feel the same
Load More Replies... Helen Haley 4 years ago
I don't know, I get this one. I come from loud-talkers with no boundaries. I don't like announcing my business in public loudly either.
Cecily Holland 4 years ago
He must have something going for him lol. 16 years. Mine has annoying traits but it’s who he is and I take the package
Paper A 4 years ago (edited)
The only time I was embarrassed by someone being loud, and asked her to stop, my friend was basically being a little morally snobbish loudly on public transit. More so about what she was saying, but I wish she was saying it quieter and not being passive aggressive about it.
LazyPanda 4 years ago (edited)
I can get sensory overload, and I completely understand the cringing. My husband's voice can get extremely loud. His mom and aunts as well. When they are together, I have to leave the room sometimes. If he or she's not willing to adjust for her partner of 16 years, they may need to split. Just for the physical reality, not because either of them are bad. If I'd met my husband and he always spoke at his top decibel level, we just would not have been together because of the practicality of it. But thankfully, he mostly speaks in a low (very attractive to me) voice
#67
“Stop being dramatic” after triggering a panic attack by throwing/breaking my stuff
Pena Perkele 4 years ago
MY ex broke my immersion blender, which I noticed when I needed it to blend this soup I was making. I got to upset, I cried. I had gone camping, and while I was gone he had basically dragged all the dirty dishes into the shower instead of washing them, and then poured chlorine and water all over everything. Many things got ruined. I asked him to come camping with me, both summers that we were together, but he wouldn't join me. He'd give me silent treatment before I went and wouldn't have sex with me for weeks, and then while I was camping he'd call every day to whine about not getting laid. Back to the immersion blender though: I was crying quite silently in the living room and he came to ask why I was crying, and when I said that the had broken the blender, he got angry and started yelling at me, accusing me of all the damage HE had done. I left to borrow my mom's immersion blender so that I could finish the soup. He was nice and sweet before, but changed when we moved in together.
Kristine Phillips 4 years ago
My Ex-husband threw out all of our clothes into the backyard. I had to pick it all up. He broke my stereo and so many other things.
#68
My ex didn’t like me wearing skirts. Not because they were short or provocative or anything, he didn't like skirts. F**k that guy.
Steïcy Gaya 4 years ago
I had a psycho ex who would not let me into my house (where he was crashing at the time) because, I quote "I had evil eyes on me from guys who have been looking at me because I like to wear cute dresses (which for him was an indication that I am open for flirting... A dress!!!)".. According to him, when a girl is in a relationship, she should dress as modestly as possible so that no other man can look at her. He would also offer me clothes that were unflaterring (brown, dark and no shape) and way too large for me. The situation got to the point where he would start doing some type of rituals to get rid of the "evil eyes". Didnt take me long to end the relationship!!! It was years back but I still cringe like it was yesterday!!!
#69
The way I hold a fork....I hold a fork like a regular human ! I think but he started yelling and saying it is embarrassing him.....I was in his bedroom at his moms house eating on a paper plate while he had gta on.
#70
My art. I painted sort of fantastical Pre-raphaelite type stuff, perhaps a little dark, and my ex wanted me to switch to landscapes and such because they would be more appealing to sell
Steph Harrison 4 years ago
Sounds like my type of art, you keep creating what makes you happy <3
Pena Perkele 4 years ago
My ex wanted me to take my art off the walls when his grandparents were coming over to visit us, because in some of my paintings there's *gasp* naked people! My reply was "if your grandparents have an issue with naked people, it's their issue, but I'm pretty sure they've seen naked people before." Also, the paintings are a bit abstract, not realistic in any way. If anybody gets offended by the art I have in my house, then maybe they shouldn't come into my house.
#71
I had a partner ask me to gauge my ears so that I could “fit his aesthetic more”. Safe to say that relationship was short lived.
Pungent Sauce 4 years ago
Hate to admit I’m too old to get this one, but I don’t really see the value of a carabiner attachment point on the side of my head. And there’s no way that’s going to hold my weight.
Pena Perkele 4 years ago
I've had exes tell me to not stretch my ear lobes. I like having the tunnels and the dangly things I put through them. I don't understand why people go for the idea of a person instead of the actual person.
#72
Asking any personal questions he said was arguing. So I was not allowed to get to know him.
Candia Lee 4 years ago
They will if they are honest. My fella told me up front that he'd done time for a victimless crime.
Load More Replies... #73
He said my body was amazing but my cheeks were chubby. He asked me to google facial exercises to get rid of my cheek fat
#74
They wanted me to be the person I was before my best friend unexpectedly died.
ShriSha Kamboj 4 years ago
omg....that is just sad.....losing a bff and then another person who v wanted to share things with.......hope u dumped them and found urself and what is best for u\
#75
My ex is an ex for a reason. He didn’t believe me when I told him that I get way too overstimulated with lots of noises/crowded places. I’ve always been like that. One time we had gone to his little brother’s bar mitzvah because he turned the big 13. After his bar mitzvah, everyone from there went to Olive Garden and I had thought it was going to be my boyfriend and I, his immediate family, and his aunt with her kids. We got there and EVERYONE was there. We had the back room all to ourselves, and with the crashing of dishes to the bathroom doors constantly seining open and close to the cars on the street outside to everyone chatting, I excused myself from the table twice in the almost 2 hours we had been there. The second time I texted my then boyfriend saying that I didn’t think I could stay much longer because I was getting overwhelmed and was feeling claustrophobic. He texted me saying he was going to tell his family that I didn’t feel good because he didn’t want them knowing about my overstimulation because he thought it was a silly thing that I could “overcome.” We got to the car and he was actually upset with me for leaving about 30 or so minutes before everyone else. He also had said that it was his brother's birthday and I should’ve “held out longer” because of it.
Ellie Rosser 4 years ago
She DID feel unwell. Why would an upset stomach be ok but an upset mind not be?
Susie Elle 4 years ago
I feel both parties, but the bf is very insensitive for playing it as though it's something OP can control.
Pena Perkele 4 years ago
I hate it so much when people tell me to just "stop being overstimulated"! I can't! That's the whole point! I can't decide not to be stimulated by everything happening around me, and in me as well. I have a pair of pretty good ear plugs now for those situations when sounds are too much for me, but they're not that handy if we're eating and people try to talk to me, I won't hear anything over my own chewing sound.
Josy Bannon 4 years ago
I have customized ear plugs for this, they are quite expensive but life changing. I can hear talking, just enough to understand, but almost everything is muted. Amazing for sleeping
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Paddling Panda 4 years ago
Just reading your description of the scene at Olive Garden made me anxious. I'm proud of you for lasting as long as you did, and even more proud that you set your boundaries to preserve your own well-being.
RJ The Drama King 4 years ago
Actually there are a lot of disorders that can cause that
Load More Replies... #76
Said I need to stop wearing jackets in the house because he hates it.
#77
Asked me to gain 40+ lbs because he wanted me to have a huge ass.
Candia Lee 4 years ago
My ex cooked really great food, of which I greedily ate seconds. He fessed he wanted me to have a bigger belly like his dead wife.
#78
I was dating this girl who wished she could change me into a guy, like a whole a** different gender because it would “make it easier on her family”.
Pena Perkele 4 years ago
There's a lot of predatory people out there who only want to be with trans people. It's quite sick.
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Ines Olabarria-Smith 4 years ago
Sorry but I chuckled. This people!!!!! It’s the passive aggressive in me.
#79
Change who I chose to hang out with and call my friends. They had him figured out and he didn’t like that.
Nikki Sevven 4 years ago
The instant someone tries to distance you from your family and/or friends, run. Run fast.
#80
Get LASIK because glasses don’t look good on me.
ShriSha Kamboj 4 years ago
i actually wonder where do these ppl get the audacity to ask someone to change their anatomy for some bs person like themselves
#81
He wanted me to read more non-fiction instead of fiction. I read plenty but apparently fiction wasn't good enough for him.
Leodavinci 4 years ago
As an avid, life long reader (and SF fan), I understand his point. Having read my share of general fiction, it wasn't until I discovered SF that reading became really enjoyable. The vast majority of general fiction is boring af and absolutely lacking any "sense of wonder".
Lara Verne 4 years ago
Same here. People always questioning why I don't read something "realistic".
Load More Replies... #82
My ex told me that I tell him “I love you” too much. Unsurprisingly he broke up with me a few weeks later.
Yeah, you heard 4 years ago
I got sick of my ex saying it too much. He would say it every 5-10 minutes, in the middle of conversations. I always had to reply I loved him too. He'd count how many times I spontaneously said it, and how many times he spontaneously said it, and they had to be equal to one another at the end of each day. When it got to evening, he'd tell me the "scores" so far and encourage me to catch him up if I was lagging.
Pena Perkele 4 years ago
My first boyfriend didn't want to talk about feelings, and during the 2,5 years we were dating he said that he loved me once. He's not the only guy I've been with who's been very controlling about MY feelings. Now I want a man who will say nice things to me, and I will say nice things to him, and we'll both be good to each other and we'll talk about feelings and all that stuff.
#84
He made me read lots of psychology books so I could manipulate his friends into liking me more?? What a catch.
#85
To stop sleeping with earbuds/ earplugs in. It made him feel disconnected from me.
ZAPanda 4 years ago
well you are risking an ear infection so there is a legit reason to think about this.
Andie 4 years ago
I have slept with earplugs almost every night since I was 13 (I am 40 now), and I have only once had an ear infection, and that was from something unrelated.
Load More Replies... Pena Perkele 4 years ago
I have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep, and if I wake up too early it's super hard to go back to sleep, so I started wearing ear plugs to bed when my ex was doing an internship and he had to wake up at like 4am and I'd wake up to his alarm going off and then struggled to go back to sleep. Well, that bastard started waking me up, he'd poke and shake me and get all over me to get me to wake up to wish him a good morning and to give a kiss. It annoyed me so much that then I had even more trouble going back to sleep.
Katherine Boag 4 years ago
I would do a murder. Sleep deprivation is torture.
Load More Replies... #86
To post more pictures of ourselves doing corny s**t so we can be Tumblr famous together lol
#87
My family name
Tenacious Squirrel 4 years ago
Well this is what a lot of people do willingly via marriage, without any hesitation for some weird reason.
Leodavinci 4 years ago
Simple tradition in most of the world's societies and cultures.
Load More Replies... #88
He wanted me to wear a SKORT.
ShriSha Kamboj 4 years ago
he CANT tell her what to wear......that is the big deal.......what is she doesn't like it? she doesn't owe him an explanation unless she wants to
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Oskar vanZandt 4 years ago
It's a big deal to someone who doesn't want to wear them...
Load More Replies... #89
To start trimming all hair off of my toes
#90
I had an atheist girlfriend that told me to not bring my bible into her apartment because "she didn't want that s**t in her house".
Helen Haley 4 years ago
Kinda split on this one. On one hand, I'm an atheist and it wouldn't bother me any more than any other book he brought. On the other, my guess is her objection wasn't the book, it was him pushing his religion. I'm guessing this because I've dated over-zealous religious men, and it was the trying to convert me constantly that drove me nuts and she probably doesn't want the stress of the hard sell in her house. I would've just broken up with him.
Kirsty 4 years ago
Same. I thought, well it's just a book what's the big deal. Then thought, why would you be lugging a bible over anyway? Does he read it before bed or on the toilet or something?
Load More Replies... ZAPanda 4 years ago
why on earth would anyone date someone from the opposing religious camp? I mean I am an atheist but if I was dating someone and found out they were christian I'd dump them very quickly. You can't change peoples' minds on that stuff very easily, it's not worth the fight or effort.
Karl Baxter 4 years ago
Tbf that’s never going to work in the long term. If you’re in thrall to Rome (or any church for that matter) you have pretty much left your critical thinking at the door and that’s going to cause problems later on.
Suzy the observer 4 years ago
@Karl Baxter. Same. Religious people are not for me.
Load More Replies... Rick Hoppenbrouwer 4 years ago
It's kind of funny, I'm an Atheist and my wife is a Catholic. I'm sure there is a bible in the house somewhere. But it's just a book.
Candia Lee 4 years ago
Then she's not really a Catholic, just raised that way.
Load More Replies... Josy Bannon 4 years ago
Well if she doesnt respect his religion and its "that s**t" for her, why would she date him?? I am an atheists and I respect religions...if my partner would be religious, I could either accept it, because this means a lot to that person or move on. This sounds toxic.
Candia Lee 4 years ago
King James, some new age version, and a Book of Mormon.
Load More Replies... What do you think ?
Beth Sito 4 years ago (edited)
As a mother of a 21 year old son, I can assure you that women can with alarming regularity be just as toxic as men. He once had a girlfriend that would "accidentally" hit him in the junk... the same girl got mad that he dare choose playing a game with his stepbrother one night instead of spending time with her on the phone so she logged into his PlayStation account and locked him out by changing the password. I was SO thankful when he finally got away from that abusive gremlin.
Susie Elle 4 years ago
I agree, I've heard some toxic stuff coming from male friends about their (ex)girlfriends as well.
Load More Replies...
Leticia de la Lanza 4 years ago
I don't even know where to begin. After he cheated on my he justified it because, 1, he don't like the way I cleaned the house (mind you, I worked full time, made more money than him, took care of my girls, cooked, did laundry, and he mowed the lawn once a week and worked 24 hours a week, 2, having my 2nd child was a mistake, and 3, I had out on weight (my baby was 4 months at the time). After I divorced him, he called me everything in the book, made fun of me for being Latin, lazy, "too perfect", and of course, his biggest insult was to end every discussion with, of course, you are only a woman. WTF?!?
Stefan Gruber 4 years ago
As a man I really have to apologize for those many stupidos. Please be aware that not all of us are blessed with such borderless idiocism...
Ileana Sky Aviles 4 years ago
I dated a guy who demanded I change my skin color as I did not look attractive enough in my current one and that I needed it urgently to trigger his desire.
Biba Little 4 years ago
I had so many of these, my first boyfriend telling me non-stop to cut my hair short because he doesn't like long hair; second boyfriend was forcing me into sex even though I wasn't ready and when he didn't succeed he actually called me "spoiled and juvenile"; my ex husband nagging me for being shy and introvert and not liking to socialize; my ex telling me I am "too demanding in relationship" because I said I really wanted more relaxed and spontaneous relationship and he forced that we schedule each our date to an hour because his "life schedule must be followed to a minute" (but mine doesn't). We met like 1-2 times a week for 3-5 hours when and where he decides and when I said multiple times I want more relaxed and spontaneous meetings I was "to demanding". I have rotten taste in men.
Seabeast 4 years ago
For years I've been hearing the old adage about men marrying women never wanting them to change while women supposedly marry men expecting to change them. It simply isn't true. Men are just as likely to try to mold a partner into their fantasy image.
Ba Loeloe 4 years ago
After reading the stories I wonder what attracted the women in those men. For example the OP about the being educated and cerebral. He surely wasn't a as educated as she was. So what made her start something with him? Really interested in knowing this.
Huddo's sister 4 years ago
Also, why did the guys choose to date the women? Especially the ones who didn't like skin colour etc, it's pretty obvious from the start
Load More Replies...
Reynard 4 years ago
I'm not a woman, but my gf recently broke up with me for being 'too needy'. This was three days after I was in an accident and had 3 broken ribs and several other minor injuries that required 30 stitches. Men don't have a monopoly in unreasonable behaviour in relationships.
TheDivineMsM 4 years ago
Ex once told me "You're not pretty or beautiful but you're cute." Gee thanks. What a way to boost my self esteem. He Also gave me HPV.
Beth Sito 4 years ago (edited)
As a mother of a 21 year old son, I can assure you that women can with alarming regularity be just as toxic as men. He once had a girlfriend that would "accidentally" hit him in the junk... the same girl got mad that he dare choose playing a game with his stepbrother one night instead of spending time with her on the phone so she logged into his PlayStation account and locked him out by changing the password. I was SO thankful when he finally got away from that abusive gremlin.
Susie Elle 4 years ago
I agree, I've heard some toxic stuff coming from male friends about their (ex)girlfriends as well.
Load More Replies... Leticia de la Lanza 4 years ago
I don't even know where to begin. After he cheated on my he justified it because, 1, he don't like the way I cleaned the house (mind you, I worked full time, made more money than him, took care of my girls, cooked, did laundry, and he mowed the lawn once a week and worked 24 hours a week, 2, having my 2nd child was a mistake, and 3, I had out on weight (my baby was 4 months at the time). After I divorced him, he called me everything in the book, made fun of me for being Latin, lazy, "too perfect", and of course, his biggest insult was to end every discussion with, of course, you are only a woman. WTF?!?
Stefan Gruber 4 years ago
As a man I really have to apologize for those many stupidos. Please be aware that not all of us are blessed with such borderless idiocism...
Ileana Sky Aviles 4 years ago
I dated a guy who demanded I change my skin color as I did not look attractive enough in my current one and that I needed it urgently to trigger his desire.
Biba Little 4 years ago
I had so many of these, my first boyfriend telling me non-stop to cut my hair short because he doesn't like long hair; second boyfriend was forcing me into sex even though I wasn't ready and when he didn't succeed he actually called me "spoiled and juvenile"; my ex husband nagging me for being shy and introvert and not liking to socialize; my ex telling me I am "too demanding in relationship" because I said I really wanted more relaxed and spontaneous relationship and he forced that we schedule each our date to an hour because his "life schedule must be followed to a minute" (but mine doesn't). We met like 1-2 times a week for 3-5 hours when and where he decides and when I said multiple times I want more relaxed and spontaneous meetings I was "to demanding". I have rotten taste in men.
Seabeast 4 years ago
For years I've been hearing the old adage about men marrying women never wanting them to change while women supposedly marry men expecting to change them. It simply isn't true. Men are just as likely to try to mold a partner into their fantasy image.
Ba Loeloe 4 years ago
After reading the stories I wonder what attracted the women in those men. For example the OP about the being educated and cerebral. He surely wasn't a as educated as she was. So what made her start something with him? Really interested in knowing this.
Huddo's sister 4 years ago
Also, why did the guys choose to date the women? Especially the ones who didn't like skin colour etc, it's pretty obvious from the start
Load More Replies... Reynard 4 years ago
I'm not a woman, but my gf recently broke up with me for being 'too needy'. This was three days after I was in an accident and had 3 broken ribs and several other minor injuries that required 30 stitches. Men don't have a monopoly in unreasonable behaviour in relationships.
TheDivineMsM 4 years ago
Ex once told me "You're not pretty or beautiful but you're cute." Gee thanks. What a way to boost my self esteem. He Also gave me HPV.
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