While you should always watch your profanity around people, sometimes, after a thing or two happens, saying a bad word from time to time is only natural. There is something relaxing about profanity and cursing, even when social norms say that they are bad. A curse word seems to come out of your mouth instantly when the stress builds up. However, sometimes, we should be careful when we use curse words.
We aren’t all saints, so it’s normal to lose control. For example, when we are in the middle of some nerve-damaging stressful situations, profanity and swearing are the cheapest and best ways to release all the stress in just a few seconds. However, some no-no words are said accidentally. Since the English language dictionary is so limited, the list of curse words sometimes collides with more everyday ones. Fluff can be confused with another F word that rhymes with ruck.
When it comes to the best examples of swearing, the internet is the best place for it. User jhfridhem asked about accidental profanity usage on the popular group AskReddit. We have compiled the best ones in the list below for you to learn from. Upvote the ones that you found to be funny and relatable. However, if you want to share your own swearing experience, you can do so in the comments below.
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"I swear. But my friend Brian never does! Like ever. One day I pick him up from a bar, he was super wasted and called me at 2 am asking if I wouldn’t mind picking him up. I do so and drunkenly introduces me to some of his friends.
So I get drunk Brian in the car and as we’re driving he proceeds to tell me that I’m the best and that my ex (who has dumped me two weeks prior) wasn’t a good guy and I deserved a good guy. I’m nodding along not thinking anything of all this when he says “Grace644, I’m going to set you up with a nice guy.” I laugh and tell him not to do that. He insists though and then proceeds to take out his phone and text one of his friends my number.
Now I’m driving and trying to take his phone away and telling him to stop.
Then It happened.
Sweet Brian actually cursed and at me! He goes (not yelling just irritated like) “Grace644, will you stop being a b*tch. I’m doing something really nice for you.”
Shocked I stopped going for the phone and drove in silence as he texted this guy.
Well, I ended up marrying the guy he set me up with, we’ve been together for 8 years, and in June I gave birth to our son."
"Not me but my sister. She’s always been the “good” one out of us kids; very quiet, easygoing, keeps to herself, kind of naive. My brother came home one day with the news his girlfriend of less than one month was pregnant (raised in very Christian household). My sisters response: WHAT THE F*CK!”
Whole house was silent then burst out laughing."
We are season tickets holders for a Major League baseball team, and sit a couple of rows behind our team's dugout. Me, my husband and a very dear friend were at a game once during which a player ended up on the ground, face down, and looking like he was having a temper tantrum. My friend, not one to curse, yelled out "Get up, you big, f*#king baby!", and for some strange reason, it seemed like the whole ballpark went quiet while she screamed. It was so unlike her, and more like cussy me, that for a moment, I questioned if it was I who yelled it! The players inside the dugout started coming out and looking up in our direction to see who it was that screamed at the player! The greatest thing was that he picked himself up after her outburst, and I swear he has been a better player since!
Jay_1327 wrote:
"I had never heard my Grandfather swear in my entire life. He was deeply Catholic and and wouldn't say anything if his mouth was full of it. We were walking down the aisle of a grocery store and he looked at a sign that had these really nice tenderloins on sale.
"$4 tenderloins?? Slap my a*s and call me Suzy what a deal!"
I couldn't believe what I had just heard. Coolest guy I ever knew."
Commenter No. 2 replied:
"If there's anything that gets a catholic grandfather excited enough to swear, it's steak on sale."
Rilo17 wrote:
"I coach high school soccer. Swearing, if you only do it occasionally, will get the boys attention instantly and let them know that I’m angry (even if I’m really not) and that they need to focus and get their sh*t together."
Commenter No. 2 added:
"I've heard that in WW1 or WW2, many soldiers had the opposite reaction.
"Go get your f*cking gear" was normal. "Go get your gear" meant sh*t was about to get scary."
"Not me, but when my son was 5 we were driving home from school and he was playing with a toy. He accidentally dropped it on the floor, then sighed and muttered the most annoyed "son of a b*tch" that I've ever heard from such a tiny, timid voice.
I almost wrecked the car trying not to laugh. He hasn't sworn like that before or since, and it's one of my favorite memories."
"I'm really passionate about language, and as lame as it sounds I dont curse frequently because I believe certain words are only appropriate in certain contexts, and gives what you say more meaning when you use words appropriately.
With that being said people often comment:
"You know, Sam, I don't think I've ever heard you curse."
To which I respond: "what the f*ck are you talking about?"
It usually gets a good laugh from the room."
"I almost never swear. A few weeks ago I was working on a film project with three of my group mates/friends. We were filming a dramatic scene, where I had to stare intimately into my other male friends eyes. We had to passionately stare directly into each other's eyes, sharing a true moment of compassion. Right in the middle of the scene of beautiful silence, I unpromptedly stated "it's fo*kin raw" in my best Gordon Ramsey impression. My friends recording the scene start snickering, and I can see my friend on set begin hysterically laughing. I ruined that take, but I think it was pretty good."
"I worked at a kids camp and in order to keep the swearing to a minimum I snapped my wrist with a rubber band every time I swore, and it broke me of the habit - I say "frick" instead of "f*ck" and "darn" instead of "d*mn" and I'm basically Mr. Mackey.
Anyway, I'm going to the gym at my university and I'm alone doing a circuit and this guy asks if I can spot him on squat because he's doing like 415. Anyway he's doing well and all and he gets to the bottom of one of the reps and let's out the raunchiest fart of all time. Like the geometry of his butthole must have lined up with the floor and the squat rack to create acoustic perfection or something. The stench that came out was like rotten broccoli that had been watered with asparagus urine. It was enough that I recoiled and yelled "Dude what the F*CK did you just sh*t yourself?!" And I probably embarrassed the poor guy more than his butt trumpet."
Substituting another word for a curse has always been funny to me. You're essentially saying the exact same thing, and everyone knows exactly what you really mean, so there's no meaningful difference between that and saying the actual word. I don't get why there's still a taboo about curse words in the first place lol 🤷🏼♂️
SantaClaws004 wrote:
"I was playing baseball and I wasn’t paying attention. I turned around and got hit directly in the stomach with a ground ball. It scared me more than anything and I yelled “sh*t.” My mom heard and she was so surprised she proceeded to tell me (15 at the time) that she never expected me to know that word."
TheCygnusLoop asked:
"How can anyone expect a 15 year old not to know what sh*t means?"
“I stubbed my toe one morning and in a split-second decision, my brain chose to swear for once, but all that came out was ‘f*cking poopy!’ and I just laughed at myself for 10 minutes. Such a fail.”
"I’m a teacher. I try my best to not swear in front of kids. So one day my grade 10-12 choir just completely sh*ts on the first chord of this tune we’re working on.
I reflexively said “F*ck that sounds like sh*t.”
They sounded amazing the second time around."
"I never swear in front of my family, and I've spent most of my adult life convincing them I don't swear. Until I was baking some cookies, touched the hot baking pan, dropped the entire batch of cookies, and cursed the sh*t out of my luck.
They just laughed."
“I never swear at work, but I loudly said ‘what the f*ck’ when my manager pulled a boiled egg out her pocket the other day.”
My best friend's heavily endowed coworker pulled a cheeseburger out of her bra and offered him some before she started eating it.... He worked at a mental hospital and it was apparently hard for this person to get food breaks in. 🤮
scalu299 wrote:
"Work was really going sideways, molten metal everywhere. My coworkers and boss heard me swear for the first time around them. They had to pause for a second to register what was said. Got the metal cleaned up, no injury, relatively minor damage to equipment."
indieRuckus replied:
"I picture people who work around molten metal to ONLY use curse words."
"My dad didn't swear. He came from an abusive family, so he was very much against it. He didn't have a fit if someone did it, but he simply didn't do it himself.
That's how I knew he was really distraught last October when I sat with him in his doctor's office as the doc told him he had inoperable cancer. The doctor left us alone for a few minutes, and my dad hung his head and whispered, "D*mn."
Six weeks later it was also the last word he spoke and also in a whisper."
If there was ever only a single time to swear, OP's dad certainly found it
"The house was quiet. Brothers weren't home, dad still at work, mom in kitchen working on dinner. I was 8 years old, sitting on the couch reading and doing homework.
SH*T!!
"Mom? Are you okay?"
"I just cut myself, sweetie. I'll be fine."
I enter the kitchen, saying "do you need a banda-....."
Blood was everywhere, she'd cut the tip off her finger.
I'm 36. Haven't heard her swear since."
“I do not swear in front of my son. My wife is a sailor, but I refrain. All because there will come a time that he does something that deserves the full wrath of my language, and I want to make sure it has maximum impact.”
LordMudkip wrote:
"I was studying with a friend of mine. This had been a super stressful week, and I'd been running off like maybe 4-5 hours of sleep at most each night for the entire week, so I was completely exhausted and done with everything.
She asked me a question, I got it wrong, and I just spontaneously dropped a, "f*ck." It was supposed to be "fudge," but I was so tired it slipped passed the barrier in my brain and I said it.
It took her a second to register it, I tried to blame her corgi for saying it, she had to tell her husband (who I'm also friends with), because it was so out of the ordinary."
Burrito_Baron replied:
"I’m not disappointed that you swore, I’m disappointed that you tried to throw a good corgi under the bus like that."
"Not about me, but my dad. This happened during a long car ride through the mountains with just the two of us, and I was getting pretty bored. It occurred to me that I'd never heard my dad swear. So seemingly out of nowhere, I ask "Hey, Dad, can you swear?" Well, he says that of course he can, but just doesn't ever feel the need to do it. But I want proof, and after a couple of pleases, he mutters under his breath the most quiet, unemotional "sh*t" I've ever heard. I found it absolutely hilarious, but he wasn't so pleased with my enthusiasm. To this day, that's the only time I can recall him swearing."
“When I was 5, I was playing with my cars and talking to myself and I said something like, ‘d*mn traffic.’ I instantly felt really guilty and ended up crying and telling my mom about it. She just laughed.”
"I don't swear, to the extent that a couple of months ago one of my contractors swore during a meeting and immediately apologized to me. I was taken aback, because it's just my thing.
If I hurt myself - particularly in the act of failing at some hardware related task - I instantly become a sailor who hasn't set ashore in a year. There's nothing like smashing yourself with a hammer to test the limits of your vocabulary."
If I injure myself in a small way like a stubbed toe, sure a curse word will do, but if the injury requires an ER trip, there is not one curse word out there that fully encapsulates the amount of pain I am in. So only partial words come out of my mouth " SHI.. FUUUUU... MOOOOTTHHHUUU...", Etc.
“I never swear, it just doesn’t suit me - I can’t pull it off. I said someone was a f*cking arsehole once and there were gasps. And silence. You get taken a lot more seriously, so you have to deploy your swears carefully.”
I remember being told by my Dad that swearing was not ok in casual conversation. It needed to be saved for something important and (usually) painful. I think I was in my 30s before I heard him swear and probably 40s before I heard my Mum swear. Each time it was like, grind to a complete halt and go "What?"
"I try to replace it with a ‘legal’ sound. Because I am 900 years old I favor ‘dear me’ ‘blast!’ Or in a real emergency ‘blastypants’."
“I work in children’s dentistry. We dropped a crown in a kids mouth and I said ‘sh*t’ while attempting to retrieve it.”
I hate Dentists and I never ever want to hear one swear while they are working on my mouth... NOPE!
"Growing up, my mom hated all cursing, didn’t even like “heck” or “crap” said in the house. One day when I was 14, she was driving me to school and someone cut her off. She shouted “Oh, you dildo!” at them and I don’t think I’ve ever laughed harder."
"I swear like a sailor, even at work, but never in front of customers or management. However, once, after we were closed, I was placing old PC monitors on a pallet to be shipped, and one slipped, crushing my hand. It didn't hurt too bad, but I growled, "God d*mnit," in frustration. The big cheese, my boss's boss, happened to be around the corner and heard me. She actually had a chuckle and said she was glad I was 'finally cutting loose' after having worked there for four years."
“I use some substitutes, and my child has picked them up. She doesn’t know the proper combinations, though, so it makes me giggle when she gets frustrated and starts chanting ‘Stupid heck! Stupid heck! Stupid heck!’”
HagridTheGangster wrote:
"Not exactly me who did the swearing, but I had a childhood girlfriend and her parents had raised her extremely christian. So she never swore. She ended up moving away to another school and we went on with our lives. Fast-forward like 4 years and we decide to meet up and spend some time together. Out of nowhere she randomly comments "oh f*cking hell that's good food" when we were eating at a restaurant. I looked at her completely baffled and had to ask where the hell that came from. Apparently she had never actually been raised to not swear and I had just never in 7 years ever seen her do so."
Leanders51 replied:
"And girlfriend's name? Gordon Ramsay."
ok off-topic but i love their username, like who thinks of f*****g HAGRID THE GANGSTER like huh?
"I work with a guy in his early 60s who's a bit lazy and likes to use the fact that he did drugs and got clean as an excuse to work slower or not at all. One day he was trying to con me into doing his job for him and my response was "do I look like I give a f*ck?". He looked startled for a second then did it himself.
I do help his department on rare occasions but my stuff is done. This was not one of those times."
"I accidentally said “what the hell are they doing!!!” when I was trying to take a left turn and the person on the road stopped for me to turn. I was taking my little sisters home from their friends house. They were shocked that I would say that."
“I said f*ck for emphasis and everybody at my lunch table went totally silent, as I had never cursed in front of anybody before. Weird.”
I don't usually swear apart from the mild stuff and one day in traffic with my cousin in the car this guy cuts me off and I just mutter "what the f***" and I didn't realize what I said until I look over and my cousin is just staring at me. Lol
"I work with kids.
I was running a summer camp program with 9-12 year olds and we had just gotten out of an outdoor pool. I live in Canada so our pools are often right by a skating rink. The skating rinks dump all the snow from the zamboni out behind the rink usually. It was a really hot summer day and the snow was soft so my coworkers and I thought it would be fun to have a snowball fight.
Now, we never swear in front of kids. Like ever. But this one real piece of work kid (about 11) had been giving me trouble all week. I had given him consequences and he disliked me quite a bit for it. He saw the snowball fight as a chance to get back at me, so he sat behind the snow pile and packed snow together into a basketball-sized piece of ice (actual ice, he compacted it so much that it was basically a heavy solid rock).
Of course this kid takes this f*cking boulder of a rock and throws it at my back with a running start. Sh*t hurt. I let out a "What the f*ck!". Very loud too, I was in a lot of pain because he hit me right in the spine. Lots of kids heard it but I didn't really care. I had a talk with his parents and of course he told them I swore but luckily the parents saw my side and forgave me."
NeedsMoreTuba wrote:
"A tornado was coming, but nobody believed me."
KJdkaslknv replied:
"Similarly, I had a car wreck in high school. I called my mom and she said "whatever, I'll see you at home". I said "I'm not f*cking kidding" and then she believed me."
i dont get why the mom would just be like whatever, your kid just got in a car crash and couldve died!
"I swear often around some people or not at all around others.
My supervisor for example, never swear. But recently we went to a work meeting and during a meal one night we were chatting ex's (I'm 29 and the supervisor is 38-40? so it's not like an inappropriate setting). Now he's there saying a few select things about this one person. Nothing bad, just like red flag stories. I'd had a couple of beers when I jumped in with my story and I opened with yea I was dating a cow of a girl (personality wise). He was like Whoa you can't use that language to talk about an ex. I apologized and changed the subject from embarrassment.
Next day we're driving back and been on the road for about 5 hours and something about exs came up again. This time he goes "And then there was f*cking deranged bimbo number 3".
I then turned around and said "Hold the f*cking phone, I can't call someone a well deserved cow but you can swear and call someone a f*cking deranged bimbo?" There was an awkward silence for about 7 seconds. Then we both laughed and neither of us watch our language around each other now."
"Freshman year of college, my roommate never swore. Never. I was auditioning people for a movie a few friends and I were making (never finished it), and my roommate auditioned. The audition sides had "f*cking" and "sh*t" in it, so I was wondering what he was gonna do. When it was his turn, he got into it, and went right through the words like he's been saying them all his life. Needless to say, I was taken aback. Still funny to think about though."
Oh god, this reminds me, I did the opposite back in high school English. Can't remember what grade maybe 10 or 11, we had to read a story in English class and one of the lines I had to read was something like "You are such a b***h". I knew the line was coming up and my stupid, teenage brain is going "you can't swear in class!" so I said "You are such a female dog!" Yeah, the class and the teacher laughed at that one and I'm pretty sure I was redder than a tomato.
"I used to curse at my first job but then had a baby and switched jobs. I had cut out cursing at home and the new job orientation made a big deal about not cursing. I went about a month before I heard anyone there curse, so I formed a new habit in that time of not cursing. I never cursed there and it became a running joke on my team that I didn’t curse and how could they get me to do it. Well no one ever did, but on my last day of that job I said 'F*ck' just for my colleagues, especially my best work buddy who was the one leading the charge to get me to curse."
"I only heard my grandfather swear one or raise his voice one time in my entire life. At Thanksgiving, my brother did something that upset my grandmother (he was like 5th grade). My grandmother told my mom that she should have “just thrown him in the trash when he was born.” My grandfather stood up and said “Godd*mmit Margaret! That’s enough!!”
Everyone in attendance went silent. My mother took my brother and left. My dad got me and my other brother and we went home."
"Years ago I worked with a very fun, hard working, and VERY religious young man. We worked together every day and did hard labor. We would sing songs and crack jokes (clean jokes) all day to make time pass. I never heard him say anything close to a bad word or a mean statement. One day as we are unloading a truck, he got his finger pinched in a pallet jack! “F*CK” comes out of his mouth and we all just froze. He was more upset about his bad language than his purple finger."
Dysole wrote:
"I have dropped maybe fewer than ten f bombs in my entire life. When I do, people realize it's a big deal. I dropped a couple in November of 2016 and I've also dropped some when recounting the story of how badly a family member hurt me in the past (and still doesn't think they did anything wrong despite basically shutting me out of their life for some time with no explanation)"
imjusthereforimgur replied:
"Fewer than 10? That's hard to wrap my head around, I've dropped probably over 50 f-bombs just today. With my job it's kind of hard for them not to slip out though."
Need a frame of reference, the person could be 18. I say more f bombs in one conversation sometimes than should be counted. Let 'em fly!
“One day I smashed my left pinky toe really really hard on the stairs and I dropped my food and shouted F*CK because it was super hot spaghetti and my toe hurt a lot, I ended up getting 1st degree burns and a mildly sprained toe.”
I was with my fairly religious aunt and her two kids. My aunt never cusses or uses any sort of “crass” language. Well, we were driving from New York to Connecticut or someplace and there was this insane traffic / tollbooth situation. And we were talking about how crazy it all was an then my aunt says something about it being a “clusterf*ck” and her and I immediately went silent and slapped our hands over our mouth. And then erupted in a fit of laughter. My cousins, in the backseat, figured out that something was said but had no idea what and we certainly weren’t going to tell them. Flash forward to the next day - we were at the Ben and Jerry factory and all of a sudden I heard one of my cousins tell the other one “I think I know what mama said” and I watched where he went and pointed to... a sign for the Ben and Jerry flavor called Fuster Cluck."
"I 100% don’t cuss at work unless I’m injured. Burned my hand once and gave my coworker a heart attack when I said sh*t. Thankfully it wasn’t that bad.
Then on Friday I sliced my finger on a meat slicer pretty badly. Boss just heard me say f*ck when he asked how bad it was and sent me straight to the office to deal with workman’s comp. usually they’re supposed to at least look at the damage but no one wanted too after they heard me cuss because they knew it would be bad. Ended up needing 5 stitches. =/ it still hurts like hell and I can’t really use my hand much for 10days before they’re taken out. But at least I was taken seriously because of the cursing!"
"I’m a high school math teacher with pretty strict expectations about positive and respectful language. Last year my class of freshmen was driving me up a wall with their whiny, disrespectful behavior so I went into full lecture mode and said that it “pisses me off” when they act that way. They all gasped and went silent. That’s literally all it took for them to take me seriously: the word piss."
“My roommate gasped in surprise when I was playing a video game and said that his movement ‘got his a*s unalived.’ He still hasn’t gotten over it even though that was two weeks ago.”
"I've never actually had an aversion to swearing, it just isn't something I do much, especially in professional environments. One time I was talking to some friends in between classes in high school and I think I said sh*t in a sentence and they all gasped. There were no teachers around so high school me thought it would be fun to say a whole bunch of swears for shock factor and also to prove that I have no problem using swears."
"In law class, we were playing hangman, and there was this one guy who just kept guessing random letters and causing us to lose. At one point I just looked at him and said, "Shut the f*ck up" without thinking. The entire class just went "ooohhhh" and the teachers were so surprised, they just laughed and didn't really get too upset."
"When I was about 10, playing a free-for-all game of M:tG against my dad and brother. I was playing blue and had left mana open for a counterspell. My dad played something, I knew it was part of his combo, but still wanted some time to think. After a good minute or so, my dad says "so is it going to stay or are you going to counter it?" to which I said "aww, what the H***"
I grew up in Mormon household. My parents swore like sailors, but heaven forbid if one of their children ever did. I immidietly clapped my hand to my mouth, unbelieving of what had came from my pure angel lips. My father looked at me very sternly, then said "At least your mother isn't here..." and we continued to play.
Since then, I've only really sworn twice more, both telling jokes, one of them as a quote from another Mormon who taught a sociology course when I was up at college."
“I was playing online with friends, when I looked up at the sky and saw four planes people flying in a V-Formation. This is rare in this game and I was so surprised and in awe, me being a dream pilot. I said. ‘Oh my god, that’s so ****ing cool.’ I blushed right away and felt real bad... no one heard.”
"Probably was yesterday, a snow plow knocked me off the road and I was stuck in more than a foot of snow for over an hour until a few guys rescued me. I was super frustrated going in reverse and forward and realized how helpless I was in that moment. I was enraged as well because the plow truck left me. Thank goodness I wasn’t there for too long."
I'm Scottish - swearing is just a normal way to express anger, frustration, humour, surprise, joy, and everything in between - it can be pure poetry - it's not offensive in the slightest, it just adds definition to what you're saying. The creativity that comes from a Scot when coming up with an epic stream of profanity knows no equal, and I wouldn't have it any other way
It's bizarre that most cultures in the world have invented words, assigned them meanings, then prohibited people from using them. If you know what the swear means, how can you be offended? And if you don't know, you can't possibly be offended. (Please note that I'm referring specifically to profanity. This comment does not apply to any epithet created by the bigoted to refer to a group they inexplicably hate and wish to oppress. No one should say those words. Ever.)
I've only ever used swear words before I found out what they meant. Once I found out, I stopped. Personally I find it lazy if people only know one adjective.
Nah, just because you have a very healthy vocabulary doesn't mean a good swear word isn't exactly what you need. Context is everything
Load More Replies... I'm Scottish - swearing is just a normal way to express anger, frustration, humour, surprise, joy, and everything in between - it can be pure poetry - it's not offensive in the slightest, it just adds definition to what you're saying. The creativity that comes from a Scot when coming up with an epic stream of profanity knows no equal, and I wouldn't have it any other way
It's bizarre that most cultures in the world have invented words, assigned them meanings, then prohibited people from using them. If you know what the swear means, how can you be offended? And if you don't know, you can't possibly be offended. (Please note that I'm referring specifically to profanity. This comment does not apply to any epithet created by the bigoted to refer to a group they inexplicably hate and wish to oppress. No one should say those words. Ever.)
I've only ever used swear words before I found out what they meant. Once I found out, I stopped. Personally I find it lazy if people only know one adjective.
Nah, just because you have a very healthy vocabulary doesn't mean a good swear word isn't exactly what you need. Context is everything
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