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Accepting the truth, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel, is the quickest way to grow. When you no longer cling to delusions and illusions, you can work through a lot of your problems incredibly quickly. Your reward? A life well-lived!
Inspired by u/Rare_Can_5418, the members of the world-famous r/AskReddit community opened up about the most difficult truths about life they know that make your life much better. Well, once you’ve accepted them, that is. Scroll down for a bitter but eye-opening dose of wisdom.
We wanted to learn more about facing uncomfortable truths, so we reached out to Jodi Wellman, MAPP, the founder of 'Four Thousand Mondays' and the author of the book 'You Only Die Once: How to Make It to the End with No Regrets.' Wellman shed some light on the so-called 'Big Five existential concerns' human beings have. Read on for the insights she shared with Bored Panda.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
No celebrity or politician deserves your worship.
According to Wellman, it's natural to be uncomfortable about our temporariness. "Most healthy humans have a strong will to be alive and to stay alive. Knowing we won't be around forever is an admittedly dispiriting notion, even if we aren't consciously aware of this discomfort," she told Bored Panda in an email.
"Researchers have identified the 'Big Five existential concerns' we typically encounter: death, meaninglessness, isolation, freedom, and identity. Many anxieties stem from these hotspots, and being willing to face them—rather than avoid them—can help us live more fully."
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#2
“It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life.”
- Jean-Luc Picard.
#3
You can do your best with someone and still be the villain in their story.
Liz The Biz 1 year ago
Don't I know it! There are some people who, the more you do for them the worse they treat you.
Bored Panda asked Wellman what we can all do to be more open and accepting of the world as it actually is, rather than what we'd prefer it to be like. She explained to us that it's believed that in order for us to reach our full potential, we need to come to terms with those five inescapable parts of the human condition.
"Death awareness can create even deeper meaning and gratitude for the lives we’re fortunate to get to live... even if we'd really rather bury our heads in the sand and not talk about or think about our 'limited time only' situation," she said.
#4
There will always be someone better looking, better educated, younger, more experienced, more intelligent or wealthier than you. Do your best, live without regret, have empathy and kindness, give when you can, expecting nothing in return.Focus on your heart value more than what others have.
#5
Before i graduated high school I thought, thank god, I finally won’t have to deal with annoying obnoxious kids and I’ll be treated like an adult, I come to find out 95% of adults are worse then the actual kids, nobody knows what they’re actually doing and life is actually a big joke.
iseefractals 1 year ago
Plenty of people know what they're doing....but those around them don't know, understand or care, and because they either don't know, or are simply afraid that they don't know what they're doing, they tell themselves that no one else does either. That said, yes the vast majority of people are functionally stupid, but you can't paint everyone with the same brush.
#6
1. Life is unfair. (Once you accept this, you will feel better.)
2. Good deeds usually go unrewarded. (If you are doing a good deed for a reward, you are doing it for the wrong reason.)
3. You will never be able to explain anything to someone who is unwilling or unable to listen. (If you try, you will, at minimum, be frustrated and waste your time.).
Joseph Dixon 1 year ago
#3 is useful when you read idiots comments on news stories and health related articles on Facebook or other social media.
"Research shows we’re better equipped to handle anxiety and appreciate life by 'trying death on for size' in even these subtle ways; some call it 'practicing death.' How do we do this, this subtle act of dipping our toes into the idea of our mortality? This often looks like:
- Interacting with people who are grieving;
- Pulling over for a funeral procession and imagining our own;
- Coming to terms with smaller losses in our lives—like lost jobs, friendships that fade, fizzled romances, great ideas that died on the vine at work, lost pets, even your basil plant that didn't make it through the season."
#7
Learn to say, "I don't know." You'll learn a whole lot more.
Virgil Blue 1 year ago
This needs to be higher I feel. Too many people are afraid to say this. Or admit they were mistaking.
#8
You can't trust your employer. Ever.
#9
No one is coming to save you, so you have to do it all yourself.
Virgil Blue 1 year ago
Nah, no need to save myself. World is going to carp anyway. I'm just going to find a good seat and watch while it all burns around me.
Wellman said that these are gentle ways to accept our mortality. These don't involve having to personalize the experience. "We might not 'warm up' to the idea of our finitude, but we can definitely take the chill off the unfortunate truth of it all."
Being aware of our mortality can help us appreciate life more and live courageously. You can use the calculator on the 'Four Thousand Mondays' website to see how many Mondays you probably have left to enjoy. (Trust us, it's a good jolt to get us doing what we've always wanted to do.) Meanwhile, be sure to also take a peek at Wellman's book, 'You Only Die Once: How to Make It to the End with No Regrets.'
#10
You can only help people who actually want it. If they’re not ready to change or put in the effort, there’s not much you can do. Realizing this can save you a lot of frustration and help you focus on people who actually appreciate your help.
#11
Nobody cares.
This is the best and worst news of all time.
Nobody, outside a few close people, is thinking about you other than in passing. They’re all the main character in their movie. A few years after you die, the world will mostly forget you. This is bad news.
It’s also very freeing. Throw off your worry and your shame. Live life to the fullest! You’re free from the judgement of people who don’t have time to care. This is amazing news.
The sooner you accept it, the better your life will be.
Joseph Dixon 1 year ago
Once you realize this, you start to dress the way you want and do the things you want without feeling judged. If you want to dress like a slob, which I do, then do so! No one cares in the end about any of this.
A definite bolt from the blue for some is the fact that exercise and nutritious dieting—while absolutely essential—are far from enough to live a long, happy, and healthy life. To put it bluntly, if you ignore your relationships and your social life is in tatters, your physical, mental, and emotional health is at risk.
Social fitness is just as (and arguably even more) important than physical fitness.
The CDC reports that a third of adults in the United States report feeling lonely. Meanwhile, a quarter of American adults report not having social and emotional support. There’s a social isolation and loneliness epidemic in the US, and it’s a problem that’s very worth solving.
#14
Good people get tired of spreading kindness to ungrateful, angry people.
Joseph Dixon 1 year ago
I keep quiet. It seems the more you try to help some people, the more angry they get with you. Not worth it.
The impact of social isolation and loneliness is massive. To be very blunt, it greatly reduces the quality of your life and increases the chance of an earlier death.
Socially isolated and lonely individuals have a greater chance of getting heart disease, stroke, type 2 diabetes, depression, anxiety, and dementia, among other illnesses and conditions.
#16
In general, people *in the real world* are oblivious to you. You're not even a blip in their radar. If you're insecure about something you wear or how you look, remember: nobody cares.
#17
Once you're an adult, there really isn't anyone you can 100% depend on except yourself.
There will still be people in your life to lean on, but everyone has their limits in how they can help you. .
Susie Elle 1 year ago (edited)
Depending on someone and expecting people to help you always beyond their limits are two different things. You can depend on a person, but it's still your life, your issues, your celebrations and your responsibility to manage yourself. Which is very normal and healthy, by the way.
#18
Death comes for everyone, eventually; it's a sobering reminder to hold your loved ones tight. .
The people most at risk of social isolation and loneliness tend to have chronic diseases, psychiatric conditions, or long-term disabilities. Other at-risk groups include the marginalized and discriminated against, people who live in rural areas, those with limited transportation, and anyone who can’t speak the local language.
Other folks affected by social isolation include those who have lost a loved one, are unemployed, or are facing a divorce. Older adults, people living alone, and low-income individuals are also at risk.
#20
Not everything you don't like is "trauma" or "toxic". Maybe sometimes you're actually the problem. Self-reflection is a lost art.
iseefractals 1 year ago
The same for racist/sexist/phobic. That you are ______ and you dislike something that was said or an outcome that has befallen you, doesn't mean it's the result of hatred, bigotry or discrimination. YOU DO NOT HAVE A RIGHT TO NEVER BE OFFENDED. That you are offended doesn't mean you've been wronged, your feelings are your own to deal with.
#21
Your lack of planning doesn't constitute an emergency for others. It sucks but seriously, always have a back up plan for everything and be as well organised as you can.
Colleen Glim 1 year ago
If the store is closed when you get there, accept that you messed up and retail workers have lives too
A decades-long study from Harvard found that our positive relationships make us more resilient. We recover from stress more easily, and we end up living longer, healthier, and happier lives.
So, with that in mind, it’s not just enough to get your 10,000 daily steps in or avoid processed food. You have to consistently put in focused effort to strengthen the connection between you and the people you care about the most. The difficult truth is that without a flourishing real-life social circle, your life won’t be as great, no matter how big your muscles, bank account, and follower count might be.
#22
You can suddenly lose anything and anyone at any time...and maybe all at once or in quick succession without so much warning.
Freya the Wanderer 1 year ago
A long-time friend of mine suddenly lost everything, and couch-surfed with his many friends for a few years before I let him stay at the townhouse where I lived - I had an extra room. He stayed with me the last 2 1/2 years of his life.
#23
You don't have to floss all of your teeth
Just the ones you want to keep.
#24
That some people won't like you. And sometimes for no reason.
troufaki13 1 year ago
We also don't like some people sometimes for no reason. When we realize that it will be easier.
What are the hardest and most uncomfortable truths you’ve ever had to face? How has accepting them improved your lives, dear Pandas?
What advice would you give someone who’s feeling overwhelmed with everything at the moment?
We’d love to hear what you think, so if you have a spare minute, drop by the comments section to share your opinions.
#25
This is more of a saying, but I feel it helps shed light on a few things: "we judge ourselves by our intentions. We judge others by their actions."
IOW people are going to look at you for what you do and your intentions are mostly irrelevant.
#26
That you have to put in hours and hours of work to get better at something, but it’s worth it. Life is long and it’s worth it to develop skills.
Susie Elle 1 year ago
Enjoy the development of the skill, not just having the skill. It's so cool to do something, first kinda suck at it and then eventually see yourself become pretty good at it.
#27
You can’t change the past, but you can decide what to do next.
Joseph Dixon 1 year ago
The past will stick on you like pine tar though. You can only change the present and therefore your future.
#28
Karma isn't real. Bad people will succeed.
Virgil Blue 1 year ago
And being always nice, good and helpful just gets you misused and guilted by others.
#29
Don’t “just be yourself”. No one has ever succeeded without putting in a level of effort that makes them uncomfortable.
#31
There are many things that are out of your control.
iseefractals 1 year ago
Most things are out of your control. "You" on the other hand, your thoughts, feelings, words and actions are wholly within your own control.
#32
If people want to spend time with you, they WILL.
#33
Even the best bands have critics, Even the worst bands have fans. Same applies to movies. Tv shows and video games.
#34
Time heals, but it doesn't erase.
#35
Some people are just a******s. Has nothing to do with you. Let it go and let them be miserable.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
Some people are just a******s in the context you deal with them. They may be fine otherwise. After all, you wouldn't expect an a*****e to be a model of consistency.
#36
If a romantic interest is not giving you the same attention/respect you give them, they don't really care about or want you, and you're in for a world of hurt if you keep telling yourself otherwise.
Joseph Dixon 1 year ago
Yeah, not good to stalk! Also, why bother someone who doesn't want you around? Would you want the same done to you?
#37
Not all friendships last.
Joseph Dixon 1 year ago
People and times change. Both of those things change, and sometimes end, friendships.
#38
Just because you're right, doesn't mean people will agree with you and might work against you either way.
My wife struggles with this. She has an idea that works and gets the company more money, but the owner and other workers are against it because they disagree with it. Even with the evidence that it works better for them financially.
All the data in the world won't change the mind of a person who won't listen.
KatSaidWhat 1 year ago
I stopped approaching my control freak boss with efficiency options that would save him money because he refuses to change his business structure. This is costing him a lot of money. I have also stopped listening to him whine about how much money he is having to spend running the same business.
#39
"Not everything is a lesson, sometimes you just fail" - Dwight Schrute. I think being able to accept failure and move on from it is quite important. You might try and fail despite doing everything right. But it's important to be able to try again.
#41
People who are good for you will make you feel happy, joyful, accepted, cared for and filled with fun times, despite of any differences.
People who are not good for you will make you feel anxious, sad, down, slighted, judged, and never check in on you if you're not okay, and won't even bother noticing when you're not okay. Genuine people will never let you suffer in silence or watch you suffer. Stay away from those who make you feel negative emotions and thoughts.
#42
My troubles are of no concern to the outside world.
Flopsy 1 year ago
When I got stuck at the airport because I was pregnant and I didn’t have the right papers my doctor ran like crazy to complete the right forms, stamp them, scan them and send them to me. Whenever someone asks for my help I really do my best to help them. Ask for help and from my experience most people will make your troubles their concern.
#43
Things are just things. They don’t have feelings. They don’t care if you give them away or sell them or throw them out. If a thing is useful, keep it. If not, get rid of it.
Virgil Blue 1 year ago
But things do have emotions attached to them by us. I have a useless ugly brass donkey,but it was my grandma's, so it triggers feelings for me while being very useless.
#44
When you **actually accept**, not just understand, that there is no such thing as "*fair*", your life and your thoughts will be so much calmer.
#45
Its okay to be gay.
iseefractals 1 year ago
Yes, it is. However it's not ok for that, or any other identifier to be your entire personality.
#47
Happiness and satisfaction are *completely internal*, and based on what you have chosen to measure them by. No one, and no thing can make you happy unless you have chosen to let it.
This why there are so many miserable rich people, and people who have great lives that still unhappily yearn for "more".
iseefractals 1 year ago
This is like telling those with depression that they need to smile until they're happy. Satisfaction is fulfilling a need or desire, being satisfied is the sense of being fulfilled, happiness is a separate thing, that is rarely within our own control, and just because someone else's life looks "great" to you, means absolutely nothing. You're seeing the surface. You're standing at the curb looking at beautiful house, with no awareness of the fact that within the walls of that house, it's filled with sewage and rotting away. Ambition, is the reason humanity is no longer huddling naked in caves, it's the reason you go to work, talk to the cute stranger, go after the new job, or decide to hit the gym. It's all a balancing act, one that can't be solved, enhanced or improved with empty platitudes.
#48
It is easy to believe that everything is hopeless and terrible, because that means you don’t have to do anything about it because, apparently, it wouldn’t do anything anyway. There’s no point.
There is comfort in hopelessness.
So you can sit there, do nothing, believe that the world is in the hands of some mysterious insidious cabal, and coast believing the results would be the same whether or not you did anything between nothing and everything.
It’s much harder to accept that you have power, because that might entail some responsibility. The truth is, over your life, the lives of the people around you, and to some extent the world, what you do actually matters. And given the way the effects of our choices ripple beyond our ability to see them, probably in much larger ways than we realize.
Joseph Dixon 1 year ago
Only way to get through life really. I can't change much of anything. People are awful, and are only getting worse. Common sense is eroding away. I can't change that.
#49
Neighbors and coworkers don’t need to know everything about you. They’re not your friends.
Some of your *friends* are not the friends you need.
No response is a response.
Things that you care about will die eventually.
People are going to do what they do. However you fall into that is open to interpretation.
Maintain your physical and mental health the best you can.
Edit:
You won’t always get to say goodbye.
Your last moment may not be when you think or what you hoped for.
Joseph Dixon 1 year ago
I don't speak with anyone at work unless I have to. I got burned once - never again.
#50
Avoid seeking other people's approval... Be you.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
"When I find myself on the side of the majority, I pause and reflect." - Mark Twain
#51
Don't get into arguments on the internet. No one will change their mind.
#52
You and you alone are your best ally and worst enemy all at the same time. Once you come terms with that, things will start to make some sense.
#53
You die. I mean, you really die. Like you only get one go at this. What a precious thing we have. One time. That's it.
No second chances. No redos. Gone.
The world goes on. We stop being alive. We don't go anywhere. Nothing happens.
All done.
No more.
That day is coming soon.
Live your life to its fullest.
Love yourself.
Love your family.
Tolerate your neighbor.
#54
Life's not fair, people will let you down, and not everyone will like you, but that’s okay.
#55
If they wanted to, they would.
Virgil Blue 1 year ago
Of course, tell the blind to see and the lane to walk. They just aren't trying hard enough. In other words, this is just too much of a simplification.
#56
You are your best advocate. Nobody will treat you better than yourself.
#57
You need to provide the world with something for people to value you. There are so many people out there who think that they just deserve a girlfriend or a boyfriend, but if you're not giving anything if you don't offer anything, then you're not going to get the kind of person who offers you anything.
The same thing with friendships, friendships are about giving, it's not about what you want, it's about what you offer. And I'm not talking about financial stuff here, I'm talking about listening, being there when someone needs you, helping them.
When you hit your 20s, all you can think about is what the world can give to you, not about what you can offer. You need to offer something to be valuable to society.
#58
You're a child, always was, always will be. You may get wiser, stronger, older, and smarter with age, but you're still a large child who is selfish, hungry, and desperate for attention and validation. You can either deny it and become depressed, embrace it and become entitled, or simply accept it as part of your life and realize you were born to be happy and work towards making your inner child happy as often and responsibly as you can.
iseefractals 1 year ago
This is describing the Id, from which the Idiot is derived. Life is not about being happy, life is about finding meaning, and meaning rarely brings about happiness. It's hard, often thankless and full of struggle. The idea that everyone "DESERVES" to be happy is a big part of the reason humanity is hatefucking the planet into oblivion, pumping poison into the air, ground and water, while guzzling other poison into our bodies, that's making us fatter, lazier, stupider and more entitled by the day.
#59
Not all relatives are good for my mental health even if related by blood.
#60
When you're young, it feels a small thing to turn you back on society, but as the years go on, it can be a lonely place out there.
Joseph Dixon 1 year ago
Or sometimes society turns its back on you when you're young, and it's a lonely place.
#61
The person you thought was the love of your life may not think of you as the love of their life.
And that's ok.
We all see the world differently. Your happiness doesn't come from someone else. It comes from within.
#63
Life can never be without difficulties.
#64
Potato chips are completely unnecessary, and they'll keep shrinkflating so long as you keep paying the ever-increasing cost. You're allowing their unabashed greed.
#65
You're probably not gonna amount to Jack Squat.
cerinamroth 1 year ago
For people who love you, and who you love, you are the centres of each other's universe. I personally think that counts as a life well lived.
What do you think ?
wowbagger 1 year ago
One that's been hard for me to accept: I have to get out of my comfort zone and do things I'm afraid of on a regular basis. If I don't, my anxiety will expand and my life will shrink. It sucks.
nottheactualphoto 1 year ago
That's the definition of courage. You're afraid of the thing, but you do it anyway.
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wowbagger 1 year ago
One that's been hard for me to accept: I have to get out of my comfort zone and do things I'm afraid of on a regular basis. If I don't, my anxiety will expand and my life will shrink. It sucks.
nottheactualphoto 1 year ago
That's the definition of courage. You're afraid of the thing, but you do it anyway.
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