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32 Things People Didn’t Realize Were Optional In Life Until They Saw Someone Not Doing Them
Have you ever been stuck doing something that you hate wholeheartedly, but thought you had no choice but to keep doing it? Well, it happens to the best of us. The same goes for these netizens.
They were doing something tedious until they realized they’d only been led to believe it was mandatory, when in reality it was optional all along. And all it took was witnessing someone else choose to opt out of it.
More info: Reddit
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#1
Finishing every book you start. Dropping a book you’re not enjoying is elite adulthood.
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#2
Saying “thank you for the invitation, but I/we won’t be able to make it!” to a social invite without providing a detailed explanation about WHY you can’t attend.
Ripley 1 week ago
Often reasons for something just come across as excuses. It look me a REALLY long time to stop giving reasons for stuff - now it's a quick apology and then move on. "Sorry I'm late", "Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you", etc. No one actually cares what the reasons are (unless it's a really interesting story - "sorry I'm late, I got chased by a bear")
#3
I've got this great ironing hack called "Don't buy clothes that need ironing."
I have two full suits, a dark grey 3 piece and a lighter grey 2 piece, 1 pair of khaki dress pants, and two dress shirts pressed and starched by our local cleaners hanging up in my closet along with a couple of ties and all the needed rigamrole.
Everything else... it maxes out at "Business or Dress Casual" and if it doesn't come out of the dryer and you can hang it up wrinkle free, it doesn't go into my normal rotation. I don't even own an iron or fabric steamer.
And I don't want to hear one word about being lazy. I was in Uncle Sam's Floating House of Shooty Ships for 20 years. I pressed and creased and ironed and spit shined and shaped hats and bloused boots and all that jazz for two f*****g decades, I paid whatever "Prove you are capable of maintaining complicated clothing" dues you could even dream of. I'm done.
One of the biggest questions in philosophy is whether we have free will or not. Basically, what this thought experiment is asking is whether all of our actions are predetermined (or in other words, not free) or whether we are free agents in charge of our decisions.
Since the current (who knows what the future holds) scientific method does not have the means to prove or disprove it, we have to rely on the ponderings of philosophers.
#4
That you don’t actually have to have an opinion on everything.
Watching someone say “I don’t know enough about that to comment” made me realize silence is an option too.
Zig Zag Wanderer 1 week ago
I do this all the time when I disagree with someone but don't want to discuss it
#5
I was working hard at my first job. Working late, answering emails at 10 PM, 'going the extra mile.' I thought that's what 'good employees' did.
Then I saw a senior guy on my team—super respected, brilliant at his job—log off at 4:59 PM. Every. Single. Day.
I once saw a manager try to give him weekend work, and he just... looked at him blankly and said, 'No. I won't be doing that. See you Monday.
My jaw hit the floor. The world didn't end. He wasn't fired. He just... had boundaries. It changed my life.
Karl 1 week ago
My old man gave some very daft advice but one bit of very good advice was "Don't do work if you don't get paid". Basically, if you work for free, it will come to be expected and the loser is you - and possibly the rest of your team as management might hold you up as an example to be followed. Doing unpaid OT is basically brown-nosing the boss.
#6
Answering the phone. My friend was shocked that I often declined calls, and I told them, "Just because someone has my number doesn't mean they have access to me at any given moment.".
Chich the witch 1 week ago
I've had to explain to some people that I have a cell phone for MY convenience.
Some modern thinkers like Sam Harris argue that free will is a lie we tell ourselves; it's something we use to place blame on individuals for actions that can ultimately be explained by environmental pressures. Even Albert Einstein firmly believed that we don’t have free will and that it’s only an illusion. In his view, the universe was ruled by the laws of cause and effect, meaning that every event had prior causes.
At the same time, other philosophers suggest that free will can still exist even within the deterministic reality described above, though to varying degrees depending on the situation. Since there is no firm answer, it’s up to you to decide which of these ideas fits your worldview best.
#7
Using the "fancy" cups, plates etc. Mum was flabbergasted when I made her a cup of tea using the china from her display cabinet. If not now, then when? Why shouldn't we use it when we can?
Rick Murray 1 week ago
As a Brit, the "fancy" set is to be used in case Her Majesty should ever have visited... as, of course, she was quite known for turning up at random people's houses expecting tea and biscuits. 😂
#8
Caring.
I dont mean in an apathetic way, but growing up my parents paniced about every little thing. Going to the store, a dr's appointment, a missed piece of mail, dropping a fork, spilling milk on the table. Everything turned into a "BIG DEAL".
But I spent time with other people as a teen/adult, and realized that wasn't normal. The world doesn't end if you burn a pizza, or if the water spills over when boiling pasta. That guy who cut you off isn't the worst part of your day, the staff member at the store checking your ID isn't a bad person.
You can just "not" react to those things, and life gets a whole lot easier.
Taibhse Sealgair 6 days ago
Had to look that one up. But I'm glad I did. Despite commentor's comment, "I dont mean in an apathetic way.", I'm big promoter of apathy. Waaaayyyy lower stress levels. Waaaayyyy higher general happiness.
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Nikki Sevven 1 week ago
I only learned this well into adulthood. My mother took off like a rocket at the slightest inconvenience, screaming and swearing. The rest of us were constantly hit by the shrapnel. The woman had zero emotional control. When I was diagnosed with intractable chronic pain, I realized that my behavior affected my health, and I worked to be a much more relaxed person who took things in stride.
Deborah B 1 week ago
Even if you find it hard to control your internal reactions, you can at least try to manage your expectations, communication and behaviour. Not just in order to not make a "you problem" someone else's problem too, but also because it will make your life easier in the long term. That saying "more flys with honey...." applies everywhere.
Crystalwitch60 1 week ago
That’s actually called making normal life toxic n highly stressful , eugh just no , do it or don’t do it 🤷♀️don’t make a mountain out of a molehill as we say here in uk !
Lady Eowyn 1 week ago
Making a mountain out of a molehill is a common expression in most English-speaking countries.
Load More Replies... Little Bit 5 days ago
My mother is a narcissistic who has impossibly high standards. In her world everything had to be perfect, everything had to be flawless otherwise there would be hell to pay. Even now, decades later my stomach goes into knots when things go wrong, even though I know it is irrational.
Janet Sparrow 6 days ago
I don’t remember my mom getting upset over those things but it’s possible she was more dismayed when I broke a glass. Im76 and I raised all three of my children to not mind if any of these things happen, breaking a glass, something boiling over on the stove, etc., etc. I think it’s healthier
Huddo's sister 5 days ago
My mum used to always overreact to things like spilling drinks. I just get it cleaned up and move on. I have found this interesting as an educator, because some kids will spill something and then be surprised when my only reaction is, get a towel and clean it up.
Caroline Gavelfält 1 week ago
This is me sadly, I don't kick off about things, but a lot of small things I can't do anything about upsets me
#9
I grew up Mormon, and it's expected for children to get baptized when they turn 8 years old. This creates a membership record that is kept for the church forever (some have needed the help of lawyers to get theirs erased after leaving the church). Its pretty much forced in every way except they tell you "its your choice." A girl I knew turned 8 and decided NOT to get baptized, and all of us kids in the same primary were shocked that you could actually say no and not burst into flames. Looking back, I am so proud of her! Anyways, I'm not Mormon anymore.
It’s not the easiest decision out there, is it? Well, just think about yourself and your day-to-day actions. For instance, have you ever caught yourself glued to your phone screen, knowing you should put it down and do something else, but just not finding the inner strength to do it?
Some might argue that it's proof that we don’t have free will—a force pulling you to keep the phone in your hand. On the other hand, it might just be your mind working against you, pushing you into a pattern of bad habits.
#10
I don’t have to make dinner every night. Cereal, cheese with crackers, or peanut butter with fruit is just fine for a meal. .
#11
A person was talking stupid, and the person didn’t argue, but just got up & walked away without saying a word.
Rick Murray 1 week ago
Sometimes it's the only response that keeps sanity intact. I made the mistake once of engaging with a British person living here in France who said that if they could vote in French elections like they should be allowed to, they would vote for Marine Le Pen. She was, at the time, the leader of the National Front party. This person was racist and nationalist and just couldn't understand that here, in France, *they* were the migrant. It was an eye-watering level of stupid with so many "facts" taken straight from the likes of the Daily Mail's "opinions presented as news" pages. After that, I don't argue, I don't discuss, I just walk away. It's not worth the hassle, stupid people won't learn when they are being called out on their stupidity.
#12
Answering a question. Just because someone asks you a question, doesnt mean you have to answer it.
After all, certain habits are wired into our brains, both the bad and the good ones. In fact, most of the tasks a person does throughout their day are on autopilot, carried out through those habits. Again, you could see this as proof that we don’t have free will.
Yet we do have a choice to break those habits, don’t we? Just take a look at today’s list – it’s full of stories about people doing exactly that. Granted, not all are about basic habits; a majority of them are about people who, for the longest time, didn’t realize they had the choice to stop doing something.
#14
Seeing someone just not force small talk made me realize you don’t have to fill every silence and watching friends say “I’m too tired to go” without guilt taught me that you’re allowed to honor your energy without explaining yourself.
Chich the witch 1 week ago
Used to know a couple who were opposites. He would talk your ear off and I have spent an entire afternoon with her working in their garden with maybe 10 words between us.
#15
You don’t have to go to all family holidays. You can start new traditions.
Kelly Scott 1 week ago
You don't even have to celebrate the holidays if you don't want to. And bonus? You can have cinnamon rolls in the evening, not just for breakfast.
Things like that usually come from childhood or from the environment, painting things--whether consciously or subconsciously--as mandatory. And sometimes all it takes is witnessing someone choose to shake off this “mandatory” action for us to realize it was only optional all along. Whether these examples prove or disprove the free will argument is up to you. Make sure to let us know in the comments which party you are leaning towards!
#17
In a busy grocery store, picking one of the first check out lines I see and sticking with it instead of pacing up and down the store to make sure I find the shortest one
In the car, having my heating on with the window open without worrying about ‘wasting the heat’ because I like the mix of the warmth with the fresh air
Not worrying about wasting food if I’m not hungry and can’t save it for later (or end up not wanting it later) because my body isn’t a waste bin
Not saving any of my clothes for best, because why should my nicest clothes be worn the least.
Little Bit 5 days ago
I'm sorry but I can't bear to waste food and I do have my best clothes. I keep my nicest outfits for special occasions.
#18
I think I was 15 when I realized that I didn't actually have to start smoking. Ever. Every adult I knew smoked and they always talked about it like obviously I was going to start at some point, they just recommended not to do it too young.
#19
Realizing that I don't have to be responsible for other people's emotions.
Like, I am, of course, responsible to behave like a decent human being and treat everyone lovingly and with integrity, but... it's up to them how they FEEL about my actions, and it's their job to manage those emotions, not mine.
The flip side, though, was also realizing I am responsible for my own emotions, and that I can't put those on anyone else.
#20
Not opening the door when the doorbell rings. .
Nikki Sevven 1 week ago
My driveway is 100 meters long, so I don't get a lot of random doorbell ringers. We used to get proselytizers from the JW church down the road, but my then 9yo daughter solved that problem by making a pentagram from fallen sticks and twine and hanging it prominently on the front of our house. No more JW.
#21
Responding immediately to every text, email, voicemail. Unless it's an emergency I'll get back to you"at my earliest convenience".
#22
Quitting, everyone always says how resilient i am, but truthfully i just didnt realise i was allowed to quit, anything.
#23
Wearing a bra any time I step outside.
#24
Clicking no to website cookies. I always accepted because I thought I couldn’t view the page otherwise. One day I watched my friend decline, and they just continued as normal. I was silently mindblown.
Rick Murray 1 week ago
If you use Firefox, you can get an extension that says "sod off" automatically. Here in the EU, it's as if practically every site has to throw *multiple* cookie requests at you. Though, worryingly, due to greed and a total lack of oversight, more and more sites are going the "Accept our seven hundred partners tracking you or pay us money" route. Some sites I used to visit, I no longer do. Most don't upset me, but seeing The Guardian go this route was depressing, I felt like they would be morally against this sort of thing, but, well, money talks doesn't it?
#26
Wearing makeup to run to the store. the other day i just...didnt. and nothing bad happened!
Zig Zag Wanderer 1 week ago
My partner does not wear make up. My wife before her didn't. With my wife I mentioned in the first week of dating that I didn't mind her not wearing make-up. She stopped immediately. It ended up saving me thousands of pounds over 30 years!
#28
Giving and receiving Christmas gifts. Years ago I saw Melissa Urban make a post on social media about how she holds a boundary about not exchanging gifts. I didn't know that was an option! I told family, "I'm not giving gifts anymore and I won't accept any."
Absolute game changer. I used to feel dread about the list of people I had to find gifts for. Even worse, I always felt awkward about receiving gifts. I'm pretty picky and don't want a lot anyway. But people would insist on buying me STUFF and then I would feel guilty about them spending money on something I didn't even want.
The holidays are much more enjoyable for me now.
Zig Zag Wanderer 1 week ago
We tend to gift each other things as we find them. Birthdays and Christmas we give much smaller things, generally, a token is enough. Mainly it's the being together.
#29
Saying goodbye to everyone at work events. Now I just… leave.
Rick Murray 1 week ago
I'm known for not even going in the first place. I did go once, a bunch of people said "you can tag along with us, it'll be fun". They split up, formed other groups, and forgot I was there. It was so much fun that nobody noticed me slip away ten minutes later.
#30
Your mileage may vary on this one, but sitting through meetings you don't need to be in.
When I was an intern, I mentioned to my boss that a certain team's meetings were brutally long and tended to get waaaaaay more in the weeds than they should. He told me, "Then just leave," and it absolutely blew my mind. You have to know the politics, and I'd advise getting a vibe check from your boss first, but you can almost always say something like, "It sounds like you dont need me for this last part - is it okay if I go get a head start on this project?" or "I have something pretty time sensitive to get to - are there any things left you need my input on?" And then I just leave. I say it cheerfully,
I always follow up on the parts that involved me, and I've never gotten in trouble for it or had it impact my reputation negatively.
Don't let yourself be trapped!
Edit to add: I have about 7 years of professional experience, I'm not still an intern just cluelessly watching social cues whiff over my head.
Huddo's sister 5 days ago
Even online meetings are compulsory at my job, and we have to have our cameras on. So many pointless meetings I've had to sit through, usually repeating the exact same information.
#31
Calling in sick to work… I thought it was a total no no and that you’d be penalised permanently. I thought you were expected to work whether you were dying of the flu, bed ridden with a migraine or stuck to the toilet for food poisoning.
I called in sick for 1 shift a few weeks ago when I was riddled with the cold. I am still employed and no one even mentioned it 😂.
Rick Murray 1 week ago
Where I work one can call in sick, but you'll need to make an appointment with a doctor to get a piece of paper saying you were too ill to work. Failure to have that paper means you'll get marked down as "unjustified absence". It's a bit onerous (especially if you have a rather explosive digestion), but the company wasn't so dumb as to fail to notice how many people were mysteriously "unwell" on the days of important football events. 🤦♀️
#32
Getting married.
Apatheist Account2 1 week ago
You don't have to, but in the UK, it makes financial sense as far as inheritance tax goes. A non-married person can only pass on half the untaxed amount of a married person when they die, so you may end up losing 40% of the inheritance over the threshold (currently £325k).
What do you think ?
Patricia Steward 6 days ago
Did you know you don't have to let them weigh you at the doctor's office? I also haven't owned a scale for years -- I figure if the other numbers are good, why obsess over weight? Also, you hire your doctor, and you can also fire them. Sometimes very loudly, in the middle of a crowded waiting room, depending on the circumstances.
Huddo's sister 5 days ago
The only times I have had to be weighed by a doctor was before I had surgery, before I got an iron transfusion (so they could do the correct dose) and at the rheumatologist. It's not really standard practice for GPs to do it regularly where I live. I didn't know my weight for a very long time. We left the GP my family had been using for years because he refused to order an xray for my little brother when he had a suspected broken leg because 'he doesn't weight bear anyway' (was in a wheelchair).
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Patricia Steward 6 days ago
Did you know you don't have to let them weigh you at the doctor's office? I also haven't owned a scale for years -- I figure if the other numbers are good, why obsess over weight? Also, you hire your doctor, and you can also fire them. Sometimes very loudly, in the middle of a crowded waiting room, depending on the circumstances.
Huddo's sister 5 days ago
The only times I have had to be weighed by a doctor was before I had surgery, before I got an iron transfusion (so they could do the correct dose) and at the rheumatologist. It's not really standard practice for GPs to do it regularly where I live. I didn't know my weight for a very long time. We left the GP my family had been using for years because he refused to order an xray for my little brother when he had a suspected broken leg because 'he doesn't weight bear anyway' (was in a wheelchair).
Load More Replies... 
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