“She Threw A Fit”: Dad Tells 12-Year-Old She’ll Have To Give Up Her Room And Move In With A 4-Year-Old, Looks For Validation Online But Gets Called Out Instead
Many remarriages create blended families, and the children involved are thrown into a world of “steps” – stepmothers, stepfathers, step-siblings, and step-grandparents. As of 2019, more than 3.9 million kids lived in households with stepparents in the United States.
Once uncommon in American culture, 7% of kids are now part of blended families. And their parents sometimes struggle just as much as the children themselves when navigating this dynamic.
Father and Reddit user AdeptPromise9890 posted a story to the platform’s ‘Am I the [Jerk]?’ community, seeking opinions on how he rearranged his household’s living situation. However, many believed that he should have given more thought to his decisions, as his daughter from his previous marriage ended up at a disadvantage.
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual image)
Image credits: Kenny Eliason (not the actual image)
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual image)
Image credits: AdeptPromise9890
Image credits: cottonbro studio
You can definitely understand the 12-year-old’s frustration. As kids grow up, they want more privacy. Experts recommended that children over the age of 10 should have their own bedrooms – even if they have siblings or step-siblings.
Some places even have legislation stating that children of the opposite sex over the age of 10 should not share rooms and that this can be considered overcrowding.
Image credits: Julia M Cameron
As teenagers grow up, they seek more responsibility and independence. They want to be trusted to do more than they did when they were younger and they want to be thought of as mature. They also want their opinions and desires to be respected.
“Privacy and trust link back to attachment,” said Angela Lamson, Ph.D., LMFT, who is a family therapist in Greenville, North Carolina, and human development and family science professor at East Carolina University. Giving teens space and privacy lets them feel trusted, as well as capable, independent, and self-assured. It shows them that you are confident with their judgment, intentions, decision-making, and ability to follow your rules.
On the other hand, when teens believe their privacy has been invaded, the result is often more conflict at home.
Image credits: Josue Michel
It’s hard enough for a child to compete with siblings. When it’s step-siblings that they’re not entirely comfortable with yet, the problem can magnify.
When the number of children increases, as it frequently does in blended families, one or all the kids might feel like they’re not getting the attention that they’re used to.
But as with many other issues, this problem can be resolved by working together as a family. While we don’t have the full picture, it sounds like the author of the Reddit post might need to spend more time listening to his kids, trying to understand their needs.
According to Mallory Williams, LCSW, there are serious long-term effects to growing up in a household of parental favoritism.
“The biggest long-term dangers are depression, anxiety, unstable or even traumatic reactions in personal relationships, and performance anxiety for both the favored and non-favored children,” she said.
“The non-favored child will experience low self-worth and value, feelings of rejection and inadequacy, and a sort of ‘giving up’ due to feeling like they can never be worthy of the same attention, love, and affection that the favored child receives. This often has long-term implications on their performance on jobs, in school, and in interpersonal relationships, as the parenting relationship sets the foundation and expectations of future relationships.”
Let’s hope these folks will find a way to make everyone happy.
Most of the people who read the man’s story thought that he was the jerk in this situation
But a few people didn’t see any problems with his plan
If you don't have space for all your kids, don't have so many kids. WTF is wrong with people? All the rooms in your house are full but you're ****ing out another one? And the one who's already having the hardest time gets screwed?
Idiotic. If I was the 14 year old I’d be pissed. Why can’t the brothers share a damn room
Pissed? I'd be gone. She's with her mom most of the year, and now that her dad has clearly demonstrated that she's a burden and has no place in his new family, I doubt she'll be using that bedroom anymore.
Load More Replies...
Gotta love the comment “Life changes, home life changes, and everyone needs to adapt, including the daughter.” when the daughter is the only one having the change out of all the kids. The daughter who surely already feels like the odd one out.
GUYS WHAT THE HELL I PUT /s I WAS BEING SARCASTIC I’MFUCKING DONE WITH THIS SITE Edit: pls stop I’m not tryna be rude I just don’t want to lose this account pls I was just joking pls just leave me alone
Load More Replies... They've out-procreated their home. Which parent wanted to try for a daughter because they didn't have one? Master bedroom becomes 2 rooms, 2/3 for the boys, 1/3 for baby. Grandmama gets a room. Parents get a room, still using their old room's closets for storage. Daughter gets her room but it can be used as office when she's not there. She's your daughter 100% of the time.
This. The daughter may not use the room more than a few weeks a year, but it is being used as a home office when she's not there. So, it's not going unused in her absence. Why is it that the two and four year olds can't share a room? How does it make any sense to put a preteen girl and a preschooler in the same room? Two preschoolers, one room, equals a common sense solution. But hey, if you're itching to let your first born child know she's not all that important in the total scheme of your new family, by all means, carry on. Absolutely, YTA OP!
Load More Replies...
They aren't thinking long term enough. In 5 years they'll have a 17 year old girl sharing with a 9 year old boy which would be even more unacceptable. They need to put all the boys in the same room, whichever is bigger. Get two sets of bunk beds. Because in 5 years having 5, 7 and 9 year old boys sharing isn't too bad.
so two kids should live together 52 weeks a year so someone can have a private room 7 weeks a year? and just keep it empty for the remaining 45?
Load More Replies...
I knew a guy who had a teenage son when he remarried. The new wife got pregnant and despite there being plenty of room in the house she decided she didn't want the teenager (who was a really sweet kid) around. He was essentially kicked out of the house and had to join the Army. He ended up serving in the Iraq War.
Wow. What abitch! The wife obviously. Actually, AND the husband for letting her do that.
Load More Replies...
If I was the 12 y/o daughter, I'd refuse to stay with them at all. She should have the parent she lives with normally help her to only Hage visitation at her regular hot any supervised. They are telling her they don't value or care about her, and that she's being replaced. It's ridiculous BS that she has to share with a preschool boy. A 2 and a 4 year old boy each have their own room but there's no room for her? Double the preschoolers up and give her a room. And the total c**p about not being able to afford renovation to add space is bs as well. If you can afford the yearly vacations without an issue, they should be able to pay a handyman or contractor to use and change it into a space for her . She shouldn't have to go stay there at all tho
I was the kid who didn't have a room. I stopped going. I was no contact until he died. I do not regret it. I was treated like an inconvenience so I removed myself. My sister continued to take the alienation and abuse. She is beyond effed up. Admit you are ok with her being alienated and say bye. Seriously.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say this isn't the first incident along these lines. He's not wrong for trying to rework things. They shouldn't have had another kid given the situation, but what's done is done there. But having the daughter share her space with the brother is dumb. He states that the younger kids don't get along on vacations, but does he really think it will be any different with a teenage girl trying to share with a very young kid? I'd work out moving one of the boys into their brother's room for the Summer. In the mean time, they need to be looking into getting a place with more space, or options that will allow them to have an extension put on the house. Maybe the MIL can help with that cost, either by selling her place as someone else mentioned, or (if she was renting) using that rent money to pay for a loan on having an extension built. Teenage girls shouldn't be sharing rooms with 4 year old boys when there are alternatives.
They were already sharing a room. It ought to stay that way.
Load More Replies...
I can't help but be puzzled as to how the OP of the very last comment from @pedestrianwanderlust urging the dad to "Understand that most of the people here are in their teens & twenties and don't have children, and to be careful where you take your advise from", got that information. How the Hell do you know the age of people in this Forum? Did you hack each and every profile? Just. WOW. The audacity and the complete disregard from anyone else's opinion and stating everyone but the OP are basically babies that shouldn't have a voice anyway is beyond disgusting. You can have an opinion without being massively condesending. YTA. Ps: I am 45.
These are pulled from Reddit but even then there are plenty of people who are 30 or older on there too.
Load More Replies...
Minimumship (the first NTA comment) is a moron who missed the whole point. She states that she had three brothers growing up, and they shared a room while she, as the only girl, had a room of her own. Yet she *utterly fails* to see that OP is resolutely suggesting the opposite of what she grew up with! The 2yo and the 4yo should share a room. The baby, whatever that ends up being, shares with either the boys (if it's another boy) or with MIL, since she's providing child care. Then, and only then, does Minimumship make any constructive comment.
The daughter has to keep her room, she's a teenager. We also have four kids. The two boys share a room, my 13 years old has her own bedroom and our 3 years old shares bedroom with us.
The issue isn't just the space in the home, and as many have said, it would make more sense for the little boys to share a room, the issue is that teens need privacy and by taking your daughter's personal space in your home, you are telling her that you don't value her comfort while she visits you, and that her needs matter less than that of your younger children's.
OP may have a new life/family, but he has old responsibilities. He better get his head out of his assss quick, or he is going to lose his daughter for good.
And I'd say the new stepmom would love nothing more...
Load More Replies...
I would give my "dad" (using this term loosely) what he clearly wants and entirely end my relationship with him. Wonder what this loser is going to do when he has 3 more with wife #3.....
My dad married his current wife when I was 25. She had 3 kids and two were still under 18. Two boys and a girl. I'd already struggled with having a relationship with him, but as the years went on (I'd had two sons and he rarely had anything to do with them- his first grandkids), it was very apparent that he favored his new step daughter. He volunteered for every after school program she was in and was even a "band dad" (her own father was present and always doing the same thing as well). He never did any of that for me or my brother. In fact, we had to get jobs if we wanted money for anything (a movie or school football games, etc). When I mentioned this to a cousin of mine, he found out and berated me for being jealous of a 14 yr old. And yeah, I guess I was. All I ever wanted was to hear him say he loved me, he was proud of me and to maybe call his grandkids once in awhile. Instead, we haven't spoken in 15 yrs, I was told I was worthless and no one would ever want me.
This is OPs future. His daughter will remember how his "new" family took precedent and that she was an afterthought, if that.
Load More Replies...
Putting a 12yo girl in the same bedroom as a 4yo boy is not even legal depending on where you live!! It's 100% not legal anywhere in Canada. This guy is absolutely the åsshole!! YTA YTA YTA YTA!!!!
He doesn't have money to build something extra but has money to take care of another child. Yeah.. that for sure makes perfect sense.
I despise parents who abandon their first children to the back of the line, after remarriage and starting a new family. That's a cruel, irresponsible thing to do.
This happened to me; my biological father remarried, and I had a bedroom at his house with my own toys ext. All of a sudden I was shunted into the study, there was no longer space in his house for my things, and my room was given to the baby and then three years later there was another baby... My mother also remarried and had two boys and until I left home the two boys shared a bedroom and I had my own. My bio father always treated me as a afterthought, and we are NC.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that and hope you're in a better place now
Load More Replies...
I wonder why people like this KEEP HAVING KIDS. They have the privilege of a 4 bedroom house, perfect for the amount of kids they ALREADY HAD, now they want another, to f**k up the dynamic they already had? Like...why? Do you just hate your other kids that you're just like "F**k you, we want another one, screw your privacy and ability to have your own rooms." These same people act like it's not their fault their kids are upset, when you CHOSE to bring another kid into the world against the living situation you already have. That kid has a right to wish her mom wasn't pregnant, so would I! Me getting f****d over just so my parents can have ANOTHER ONE!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? Nah, p**s off. This makes me angry. It's fine to want kids, but not when you don't care how it effects the kids YOU ALREADY HAVE. What are they to you? Collectables??
Congratulations on f*****g yourself out of a relationship with your daughter. You have clearly shown her she's not considered important enough to fulfill your requirements of what makes a family. No matter, you have created a whole new family with your new wife and MIL and there is no room or place for your daughter. Don't expect her to want to reestablish a relationship with you when she is an adult. Ex and daughter should go with her wish to not be a part of your "family" at this time as you have made it clear she's an "extra" and a "problem". Good luck with that.
I hope the OP realises babies don't just spawn... If you don't have the means to raise children, stop having sex.
This a complete tangent, and I understand your sentiment, but never has abstaining from sex been realistic. IUD is better.
Load More Replies... I guess in the end, OP got what he wanted. Now that he's shown how cumbersome his first child is to have around his replacement children, she won't be coming over anymore by her own choice.
Your 2- and 4-year-olds have trouble sleeping in the same room? Well, figure it out. My 10yo shares her room with her 4yo brother because there's 4 of us in a 2-bedroom apartment. If we had the space, she'd be in her own room. By the preteen age, kids need more privacy when possible.
I have 9 siblings 3 being bio and only 2 being full bio. What you need to do is Bed 1- you your wife and baby 2 and 4 in larger of bed 3 and 4. daughter in smaller but own room Bed 4- MIL and extra crib. That way MIL can take baby some night and you and your wife can have nights off to catch up on sleep. And when baby turns 2 or 3 put a bed in there so the toddler can have their own room when daughters not there. Daughter will be 14 or 15 and when over toddler can have "sleep overs" in another room. (Wherever suite, you know your family best.) But that way your daughter gets her own space for a few more years and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD bond more with her and get her to bond with her siblings. I've shared rooms for most of my life and it sucks but in a couple years she won't mind as much. 10 to 14 is the hardest for girls. her stuff can be higher up so the young ones won't touch it. I know that sounds complicated but when you break it down it takes strain off everyone to help with the baby
The OP should move the 2 and 4 year old brothers into the same room. So what if the have difficulty sleeping in the same space on vacation. It's only because they aren't used to it. He ought to move them into the same room and GET them used to it. If he weren't letting his MIL move in, which he'll live to regret if she becomes meddlesome and controlling. If the daughter is okay with sleeping in the room he's using as an office, he ought to be thankful and not even consider moving her into a room with a 4 year old child of the opposite sex.
Obviously you and your wife don't realize that there's usually a drug store at the end of every block so too many kids wouldn't be a problem. But YA to even think of moving your daughter out, even if she stayed one day per year. She needs the security of knowing that no matter what, she's welcome with you. You've just let her know that she's not.
MIL moving in is not my idea of a good situation. i would not want to live in that house either. maybe should have thought out the lack of space BEFORE getting pregnant How many fücking kids do you need anyway? not satisfied with the 3 you already got? still expecting "we will get it right with THIS one?...." wtf oh and not to mention what kind of message does this send to the 12yo? you are in the way... now p**s off? that's what i get.
Why can't people just wear a f*****g condom when they have sex? Why do they want to raise a small army? Do they have that much money to waste?
If I was the kid I would legit say " If you don't want me around just say it I would happily never come back like you can f**k your wife however you want but you don't have enough space to take care of your children now I understand why my mum and you are not together. It's not my f**king problem that you don't have space and I won't suffer for it and you don't know that it's inappropriate for a p*bescent girl and a toddler of opposite gender to be in the same room that's invasion of privacy maybe if you had done better planning you won't be in such a dilemma right now"
My cousin and her husband has a 4 bedroom 3 bathroom their kids was 17b 16g 10b 2g. Their 2 year old had her bed in their room the two boys shared a bathroom and since the daughter being a young lady with her own privacy needs so they gave her her own bathroom. They would never take that privacy away from her no matter how many kids they have. Instead they gotten a bigger house with more bathrooms.
Who in the heck puts a 4year old boy in the room with a pre teen. Im sorry the 2 year old and 4 year boy can't get along. So what they are kids be a parent. The 12 year old girl has private parts that is needed to be cover. I can just imagine how that room will look. He will be in all her stuff. I don't care if he was 10 you do not put opposite sex in the same room. Especially in pre teen years. Even the government is against that. My mom is a foster mom there have to be different rooms for males and females, after age 6.
I am betting this guy very obviously resents his daughter. He probably despises her mother and is resentful of child support. Alienating her and losing her is what he secretly wants.
OMG so 4 year old BOY and 2 year old BOY can't share a room together and you want the 12 year old GIRL a different age different gender a young lady to share with toddler even if she don't visit that much she is your daughter and you are responsible to provide her a comfortable envirement to live and don't have more children if you can't treat them equally
Even if the 12yo was on board with the plan you can bet that there will be conflict later on when the 4yo inevitably messes around and/or destroys 12yo's personal possessions while 12yo is away with her mom. Terrible idea.
I think they should put the boys and the baby when it's old enough together in the same room when she is there and for the part of the year she's not there put the 4 yr old in her room so that way the small children aren't all crammed in one place the entire year when their is a free bedroom but the 12yr old also has her own space when she comes to visit
This is a tough call. Let MIL stay in the room with ensuite. Put 2 and 4 together, and let 12 have her own space, but prepare her for the baby to be in the room too ( not right away after birth, but as soon as baby is able to sleep through the night uninterrupted. I specify this, because not every baby sleep through the night at 1 year. It differs from baby to baby). The reason I say this is most children connect better with kids if they get acquainted at a younger age. Yes, she's against it now, but with time it can change. Especially if she included in aspects of the birth of the baby. Remember at this time she still feels like the odd one out, so keep her included as much as possible, while providing a safe space for the newborn too.
Anyone watched the movie War with Grandpa. Just watched it yesterday. Same.basic plot except the 12 year old is a boy and the grandfather is moving in because of health issues. But honestly, I must say it would better to put 4yo and 2yo in same room and 12yo in another. Having to suddenly share a room with somebody else is not a nice prospect especially when you feel it's a safe place, a haven.
The reality here is that you should keep your damn sausage cream to yourself if you cannot find means to house everyone. And who ousts their daughter in favor of a damn MIL?!? A god damn pansy, that's who.
I think the issue is more of the age gap and gender than it is about not having her own room. Having to share a room is not abnormal and if it were girls of similar age I wouldn't have a problem with any of this. But to make a near teen girl share a room with a 4yo boy is always going to create a very uncomfortable situation. I do understand OP's thinking here and don't think they are as callous as some others have suggested. But I do think they are too focused on solving a logistical problem and failing to empathise.
A 12year old girl isn’t going to see the logic in the situation. She’s the oldest and developmentally needs more privacy and personal space….. she will not be okay and never will be until you take the time to show her that you value her as a member of your family, and not as an inconvenience. Priorities within your family home shouldn’t be based on adult logic and expected time within a designated space…. You’re telling your already displaced daughter that she matters less than every single other person in that household…. Including the grandmother whom just arrived. With kindness, Maybe you need to learn how parent the littles…. Teach them proper behaviour, manage meltdowns and dysregulation….. Lean on the grandmother to help set a routine for success…… Things don’t just happen …. You let the things happen by mismanaging poor behaviours, or not teaching them right from wrong. Your job is to soothe, regulate, and teach… not find the logical solution to your troubles.
He needs to build an extension/granny annex for the MIL. Don't have the money, should have thought of that before having yet another kid that'll cost them 100x more! (if MIL had her own house she should sell it to pay for the built of her new room)
it makes no sense why the 2 boys can't share a room and when the baby is born stay in the parents room when it get older if it a boy he can share a room with the other boys and if it a girl she can share a room with grandma since she is basically moving in to be a live in nanny I don't suggest her to share a room with 12 year old just bc if she isn't around the baby will probably destroy her stuff
This conversation is so bizarre to me and illustrates the world we have become. Entitlement is real. Sounds like 12 year old and her mom are paying the mortgage. By allowing her to guilt him instead of teaching her the value of being grateful for a loving home and extended family, he is ensuring she enters adulthood as another entitled brat.
Your comment really doesn't match the story. Idk what you're going on about but it's not this story
Load More Replies...
Why is the mil moving in if there is no room. And maybe having the 12 year old share with a four year old is op's logical solution, but if she really hates it, skipping visits is her logical solution. As long as everyone's ok with that, there's no problem.
I don't know if it's an american thing or what but no one would think it's "outrageous and illegal" for a 12 year old to share a room with a 4 year old lmao. That aside, the issue here is that her room is somewhat *her* space in that house, she probably doesn't feel that closely knit with the family considering she doesn't spend as much time in that house, and you are taking away one of the few things that are actually hers. Both little kids together or grandma sharing with one of the kids would be preferable
what is wrong with you focus on the kids you have putting a 12yo nearly teenager young lady with a 4yo nuts. 2 &4yo need to share rooms get over it once MIL moves out putt baby in own room not with toddlers or find finances to create another small bedroom for baby. Don't push your daughter out of her domain she'll be a grown woman blink of an eye & you will lose her over your selfish inconsiderate ways
We were in a similar situation but we sat with my husbands older kids who were "only" with us on school holidays and some weekends and gave them a chance to be an active part in the decision making (they were 9 and 16 yrs old). They used to each have their own room in our house. Involving them made them feel just as important and they actually came up with the perfect solution (sharing a room) everyone was happy as THEY suggested it. If we would have just told them to share a room they would have been (rightly) upset.
A 14 year old girl needs her privacy. Putting her in to share with her brother is not a good move. I understand the thought process since she’s not there permanently but the decision also lacks understanding and respect for your daughter. She just won’t want to come and stay is my guess. Why invite someone to live with you if you don’t have a spare room?
Tbh I don't see the problem here most likely because my parents are still together I mean since she's there only 7 weeks in a year ofc the people living there full time are gonna be a priority he was just stating a plan and making arrangements I understand why she'd be mad but I completely get the dad's side of the story I mean I room with my siblings who are 5 and 7 years younger than me full time j do think that he should maybe room 2 and 4yo kids when she's there so she can have some privacy. And I don't get why people are so mad at him saying he's prioritising them over her and basically just saying she isn't the first priority change is something we need it's not like he'd constantly pamper her n stuff one day she'd actually have to make herself uncomfortable for a while to continue living normally and it's not like they'll just leave an old woman with health issues alone in the end she's still family so is the step mother the little kids the 12yo girl and the dad they're a family
NTA but I don't think it's right to make her share a room with a boy. But apologize big time... take her to do something she wants to do with just the two of you. You should explain why the mil is moving in and ask her if she has any ideas? Tell her that you really didn't think about her taking it that way bc you think of them all as your children so you didn't think it would be a big deal. Maybe you have a walk in closet that you can turn into a nursery so the baby can stay there till it's 3 or so because she will be 18 in 4 yrs and probably won't be using the room anymore and then the oldest brother could get the room unless the baby is a girl. So even if you have to stay cramped to make her feel wanted for the next 4 years it will be totally worth it in the end. Just my thoughts.
Expecting a 12 year old girl to share a room with a 4 year old boy. How safe.will her belongs be? (FYI. THEY WONT BE SAFE AT ALL) How valued does she feel? (FYI: SHE DOESNT FEEL VALUED BY YOU AT ALL.) Everyone in this story is TAH except for this 12 year old girl. She has no say in this does she? Did you and you wife really believe that the world needs more of your spawn? This is badly thoughout and you can say goodbye to this girl. Well, you've already done that haven't you? There is nothing in this story where you look good. You let your daughter down. Bad parent. AH.
So crowd the family in for 45 weeks a year with an empty room? Seriously? Put the boys together while she's there. Use the room when she's not. Don't make her share, but she can compromise on her decor.
Not sure why OP posted the question because he'd already solved the problem. His daughter won't be staying at his house anymore, so he has plenty of room for his shiny new family. But seriously, the missing piece is the gender of the unborn baby. Sometimes kids have to share rooms, but it should be by gender - asking a pubescent girl to share with a four year old boy is beyond the pale. Grandma gets the room with the bathroom. Boys move in together. If baby is a girl then twelve year old gets a roomie. If it's another boy, it's a little more complicated - one of them gets the daughter's room when she is not there, and bunks with the brothers (or in a tent somewhere!) when she is visiting. Make it obvious that others are being inconvenienced when she is there - it is good for her to see that they have sacrificed to ensure she has privacy and a bed she can call her own, even if someone else sleeps in the room when she's not there. And no nosey boys!
I don't understand. Do they suddenly not need a study anymore either? Her room is already in use as a study when she isn't there. Just have the 2 and 4 year old boys share a room and the empty room goes to grandma. That makes much more sense.
Might want to check state laws also. I have a younger stepsister and because of the age difference we could not share a room and we are both female.
Of course the 2 and 4 will have to share the room. I just don't get this parent
I'm with the dad on this one, it's a sensible if not wonderful choice. Yes ideally she should have her own room but that seems to be an issue. The toddlers could share the room while she's there which is what I'd do, but for those saying move or stop Having more kids they are making comments without knowing the complete story and showing a great deal of ignorance about housing costs and family stressor. It's rough on the daughter but unfortunately this is how it is for this family. Its happened to lots if kids and they have survived it, it's not child abuse it's the reality of a blended family
You people are ridiculous. Tbh OPs plan makes the sense in the long run. Is it a perfect solution? Absolutely not. But it is a good one that will ultimately cut costs so that further down the line a better solution will more than likely be available. That being said, it makes far more sense for the brothers to share a room. While they might not get along perfectly and there will be bumps in the road to get there, age AND gender should be considered. There is only a 2 year difference between them, and it is wildly inappropriate for a soon to be teenage girl to share with a young boy. It would be better for them to move in together now and get that settled before the baby arrives. Do they know the gender yet? What if it's a girl? They would need to change room arrangements again if it is. While at a glance their plan COULD work, logistically it would make better sense is the boys roomed together, Grandmother got her own room, and the 3rd bedroom was given to baby and daughter.
Wow, I thought the daughter was the jerk. 12 is plenty old enough to be helpful and thoughtful. She is only there a few weeks! But no, she throws a tantrum. She's not being "replaced" . There's a BABY coming and an old lady with mobility issues. But she prioritizes herself and everyone calls dad a jerk: this, THIS is why American kids have all these identity issues and mental health and stuff.
Absolutely NTA. Family circumstances change which requires people to make adjustments. If your daughter lives there year round then we will be having a different conversation. Your MIL brings more than what's being given to her, peace of mind and saving money by helping out taking care of her grandkids gives you guys more options and possibly the wife a chance to return to work. No costs for childcare etc. Teenager is there a fraction of the time and a huge resource sits empty, a room with an ensuite. This will be a life lesson you teach her and if she refuses to see you, simply leave the door open and reach out periodically. Your ex needs to move on and focus on raising a responsible future adult. Right now her teenage brain is a teenage brain and still developing. How many never had their own bedroom sharing the only bathroom in the house and became lawyers, drs, teachers, Ceos etc. Hang a division in one of the bedrooms that she can share and she will be fine....eventually.
What happens with the room the other 45 weeks when the girl isn't there? She's there for about 13.5% of the year, leaving her room empty for most of the year. Meanwhile, the mom would be living there most of the year. I understand needing her own space, yet at the same time, it would be unused for the majority of the year.
Not even sharing an opinion on the case just ppl absolutely spotting fury at the dad need to get off the internet and breathe some air. There probably is a better solution but chill out is is not the end of the world for her to share a room she only uses for a few weeks
I think the 12yo is first off a spoiled bratt, if she would be there only for a few weeks in a year, i would have put her on the couch. But that's me, otherwise put a bed/couch in the 4y old's room, and a folding bureau/closet for her stuff. No need to split that room in 2.. the 4year old lives there.. he need space too xD and when she comes to VISIT!.. you can put up a little tent somewhere in the house for the 4year old, who needs walls, kids llove that type of stuff.
Her "room" is an office most of the year, so it's not as if it's untouched. And there is no way that a pubescent 12 year old girl should be sharing a room with a 4 year old boy. Think about it - in four year's time she'll be 16 and he'll be 8. Do you seriously suggest that it's okay for an older teenage girl to share a room with a boy of 8?
Load More Replies... Your summer with your grandmother: “Hey guys, *all of us* are bunking together for the holidays.” This situation: “Hey darling. You already feel like the odd one out. Let’s make it clear that you 100% are the odd one out. You are the child who matters least.” There may be a compromise available. But, from the kid’s perspective, this is simply her being handed the s****y end of the stick. And it’s simply being imposed upon her, whether she likes it or not.
Load More Replies...
The problem is that there was no conversation with the 12-year-old first - just a solution, imposed upon her, which made it crystal clear that she was her father’s least loved child.
Load More Replies...
Kerri, I don't think anyone forgot that part, that's literally the part that everyone is getting upset about. She is a child of divorce that mainly stays with her mother - when she is with her dad she is mainly in her room. She probably already feels like she isn't really part of the family anymore and now the father is taking away her safe space in a house that she probably already feels left out of. And for those that say well 'she just needs to get over it' that's fine, but be prepared to have a s**t relationship with your child and for them to resent you. And seriously she is 12 year old girl - she should not have to suddenly share a room with a 4 year old. Put yourself in her shoes for a sec and really think about it.
Load More Replies... Matthew is a great dad who enjoys receiving a card on his birthday from his adult children once every 2-3 years.
Load More Replies...
If you don't have space for all your kids, don't have so many kids. WTF is wrong with people? All the rooms in your house are full but you're ****ing out another one? And the one who's already having the hardest time gets screwed?
Idiotic. If I was the 14 year old I’d be pissed. Why can’t the brothers share a damn room
Pissed? I'd be gone. She's with her mom most of the year, and now that her dad has clearly demonstrated that she's a burden and has no place in his new family, I doubt she'll be using that bedroom anymore.
Load More Replies... Gotta love the comment “Life changes, home life changes, and everyone needs to adapt, including the daughter.” when the daughter is the only one having the change out of all the kids. The daughter who surely already feels like the odd one out.
GUYS WHAT THE HELL I PUT /s I WAS BEING SARCASTIC I’MFUCKING DONE WITH THIS SITE Edit: pls stop I’m not tryna be rude I just don’t want to lose this account pls I was just joking pls just leave me alone
Load More Replies... They've out-procreated their home. Which parent wanted to try for a daughter because they didn't have one? Master bedroom becomes 2 rooms, 2/3 for the boys, 1/3 for baby. Grandmama gets a room. Parents get a room, still using their old room's closets for storage. Daughter gets her room but it can be used as office when she's not there. She's your daughter 100% of the time.
This. The daughter may not use the room more than a few weeks a year, but it is being used as a home office when she's not there. So, it's not going unused in her absence. Why is it that the two and four year olds can't share a room? How does it make any sense to put a preteen girl and a preschooler in the same room? Two preschoolers, one room, equals a common sense solution. But hey, if you're itching to let your first born child know she's not all that important in the total scheme of your new family, by all means, carry on. Absolutely, YTA OP!
Load More Replies... They aren't thinking long term enough. In 5 years they'll have a 17 year old girl sharing with a 9 year old boy which would be even more unacceptable. They need to put all the boys in the same room, whichever is bigger. Get two sets of bunk beds. Because in 5 years having 5, 7 and 9 year old boys sharing isn't too bad.
so two kids should live together 52 weeks a year so someone can have a private room 7 weeks a year? and just keep it empty for the remaining 45?
Load More Replies... I knew a guy who had a teenage son when he remarried. The new wife got pregnant and despite there being plenty of room in the house she decided she didn't want the teenager (who was a really sweet kid) around. He was essentially kicked out of the house and had to join the Army. He ended up serving in the Iraq War.
Wow. What abitch! The wife obviously. Actually, AND the husband for letting her do that.
Load More Replies... If I was the 12 y/o daughter, I'd refuse to stay with them at all. She should have the parent she lives with normally help her to only Hage visitation at her regular hot any supervised. They are telling her they don't value or care about her, and that she's being replaced. It's ridiculous BS that she has to share with a preschool boy. A 2 and a 4 year old boy each have their own room but there's no room for her? Double the preschoolers up and give her a room. And the total c**p about not being able to afford renovation to add space is bs as well. If you can afford the yearly vacations without an issue, they should be able to pay a handyman or contractor to use and change it into a space for her . She shouldn't have to go stay there at all tho
I was the kid who didn't have a room. I stopped going. I was no contact until he died. I do not regret it. I was treated like an inconvenience so I removed myself. My sister continued to take the alienation and abuse. She is beyond effed up. Admit you are ok with her being alienated and say bye. Seriously.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say this isn't the first incident along these lines. He's not wrong for trying to rework things. They shouldn't have had another kid given the situation, but what's done is done there. But having the daughter share her space with the brother is dumb. He states that the younger kids don't get along on vacations, but does he really think it will be any different with a teenage girl trying to share with a very young kid? I'd work out moving one of the boys into their brother's room for the Summer. In the mean time, they need to be looking into getting a place with more space, or options that will allow them to have an extension put on the house. Maybe the MIL can help with that cost, either by selling her place as someone else mentioned, or (if she was renting) using that rent money to pay for a loan on having an extension built. Teenage girls shouldn't be sharing rooms with 4 year old boys when there are alternatives.
They were already sharing a room. It ought to stay that way.
Load More Replies... I can't help but be puzzled as to how the OP of the very last comment from @pedestrianwanderlust urging the dad to "Understand that most of the people here are in their teens & twenties and don't have children, and to be careful where you take your advise from", got that information. How the Hell do you know the age of people in this Forum? Did you hack each and every profile? Just. WOW. The audacity and the complete disregard from anyone else's opinion and stating everyone but the OP are basically babies that shouldn't have a voice anyway is beyond disgusting. You can have an opinion without being massively condesending. YTA. Ps: I am 45.
These are pulled from Reddit but even then there are plenty of people who are 30 or older on there too.
Load More Replies... Minimumship (the first NTA comment) is a moron who missed the whole point. She states that she had three brothers growing up, and they shared a room while she, as the only girl, had a room of her own. Yet she *utterly fails* to see that OP is resolutely suggesting the opposite of what she grew up with! The 2yo and the 4yo should share a room. The baby, whatever that ends up being, shares with either the boys (if it's another boy) or with MIL, since she's providing child care. Then, and only then, does Minimumship make any constructive comment.
The daughter has to keep her room, she's a teenager. We also have four kids. The two boys share a room, my 13 years old has her own bedroom and our 3 years old shares bedroom with us.
The issue isn't just the space in the home, and as many have said, it would make more sense for the little boys to share a room, the issue is that teens need privacy and by taking your daughter's personal space in your home, you are telling her that you don't value her comfort while she visits you, and that her needs matter less than that of your younger children's.
OP may have a new life/family, but he has old responsibilities. He better get his head out of his assss quick, or he is going to lose his daughter for good.
And I'd say the new stepmom would love nothing more...
Load More Replies... I would give my "dad" (using this term loosely) what he clearly wants and entirely end my relationship with him. Wonder what this loser is going to do when he has 3 more with wife #3.....
My dad married his current wife when I was 25. She had 3 kids and two were still under 18. Two boys and a girl. I'd already struggled with having a relationship with him, but as the years went on (I'd had two sons and he rarely had anything to do with them- his first grandkids), it was very apparent that he favored his new step daughter. He volunteered for every after school program she was in and was even a "band dad" (her own father was present and always doing the same thing as well). He never did any of that for me or my brother. In fact, we had to get jobs if we wanted money for anything (a movie or school football games, etc). When I mentioned this to a cousin of mine, he found out and berated me for being jealous of a 14 yr old. And yeah, I guess I was. All I ever wanted was to hear him say he loved me, he was proud of me and to maybe call his grandkids once in awhile. Instead, we haven't spoken in 15 yrs, I was told I was worthless and no one would ever want me.
This is OPs future. His daughter will remember how his "new" family took precedent and that she was an afterthought, if that.
Load More Replies... Putting a 12yo girl in the same bedroom as a 4yo boy is not even legal depending on where you live!! It's 100% not legal anywhere in Canada. This guy is absolutely the åsshole!! YTA YTA YTA YTA!!!!
He doesn't have money to build something extra but has money to take care of another child. Yeah.. that for sure makes perfect sense.
I despise parents who abandon their first children to the back of the line, after remarriage and starting a new family. That's a cruel, irresponsible thing to do.
This happened to me; my biological father remarried, and I had a bedroom at his house with my own toys ext. All of a sudden I was shunted into the study, there was no longer space in his house for my things, and my room was given to the baby and then three years later there was another baby... My mother also remarried and had two boys and until I left home the two boys shared a bedroom and I had my own. My bio father always treated me as a afterthought, and we are NC.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that and hope you're in a better place now
Load More Replies... I wonder why people like this KEEP HAVING KIDS. They have the privilege of a 4 bedroom house, perfect for the amount of kids they ALREADY HAD, now they want another, to f**k up the dynamic they already had? Like...why? Do you just hate your other kids that you're just like "F**k you, we want another one, screw your privacy and ability to have your own rooms." These same people act like it's not their fault their kids are upset, when you CHOSE to bring another kid into the world against the living situation you already have. That kid has a right to wish her mom wasn't pregnant, so would I! Me getting f****d over just so my parents can have ANOTHER ONE!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? Nah, p**s off. This makes me angry. It's fine to want kids, but not when you don't care how it effects the kids YOU ALREADY HAVE. What are they to you? Collectables??
Congratulations on f*****g yourself out of a relationship with your daughter. You have clearly shown her she's not considered important enough to fulfill your requirements of what makes a family. No matter, you have created a whole new family with your new wife and MIL and there is no room or place for your daughter. Don't expect her to want to reestablish a relationship with you when she is an adult. Ex and daughter should go with her wish to not be a part of your "family" at this time as you have made it clear she's an "extra" and a "problem". Good luck with that.
I hope the OP realises babies don't just spawn... If you don't have the means to raise children, stop having sex.
This a complete tangent, and I understand your sentiment, but never has abstaining from sex been realistic. IUD is better.
Load More Replies... I guess in the end, OP got what he wanted. Now that he's shown how cumbersome his first child is to have around his replacement children, she won't be coming over anymore by her own choice.
Your 2- and 4-year-olds have trouble sleeping in the same room? Well, figure it out. My 10yo shares her room with her 4yo brother because there's 4 of us in a 2-bedroom apartment. If we had the space, she'd be in her own room. By the preteen age, kids need more privacy when possible.
I have 9 siblings 3 being bio and only 2 being full bio. What you need to do is Bed 1- you your wife and baby 2 and 4 in larger of bed 3 and 4. daughter in smaller but own room Bed 4- MIL and extra crib. That way MIL can take baby some night and you and your wife can have nights off to catch up on sleep. And when baby turns 2 or 3 put a bed in there so the toddler can have their own room when daughters not there. Daughter will be 14 or 15 and when over toddler can have "sleep overs" in another room. (Wherever suite, you know your family best.) But that way your daughter gets her own space for a few more years and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD bond more with her and get her to bond with her siblings. I've shared rooms for most of my life and it sucks but in a couple years she won't mind as much. 10 to 14 is the hardest for girls. her stuff can be higher up so the young ones won't touch it. I know that sounds complicated but when you break it down it takes strain off everyone to help with the baby
The OP should move the 2 and 4 year old brothers into the same room. So what if the have difficulty sleeping in the same space on vacation. It's only because they aren't used to it. He ought to move them into the same room and GET them used to it. If he weren't letting his MIL move in, which he'll live to regret if she becomes meddlesome and controlling. If the daughter is okay with sleeping in the room he's using as an office, he ought to be thankful and not even consider moving her into a room with a 4 year old child of the opposite sex.
Obviously you and your wife don't realize that there's usually a drug store at the end of every block so too many kids wouldn't be a problem. But YA to even think of moving your daughter out, even if she stayed one day per year. She needs the security of knowing that no matter what, she's welcome with you. You've just let her know that she's not.
MIL moving in is not my idea of a good situation. i would not want to live in that house either. maybe should have thought out the lack of space BEFORE getting pregnant How many fücking kids do you need anyway? not satisfied with the 3 you already got? still expecting "we will get it right with THIS one?...." wtf oh and not to mention what kind of message does this send to the 12yo? you are in the way... now p**s off? that's what i get.
Why can't people just wear a f*****g condom when they have sex? Why do they want to raise a small army? Do they have that much money to waste?
If I was the kid I would legit say " If you don't want me around just say it I would happily never come back like you can f**k your wife however you want but you don't have enough space to take care of your children now I understand why my mum and you are not together. It's not my f**king problem that you don't have space and I won't suffer for it and you don't know that it's inappropriate for a p*bescent girl and a toddler of opposite gender to be in the same room that's invasion of privacy maybe if you had done better planning you won't be in such a dilemma right now"
My cousin and her husband has a 4 bedroom 3 bathroom their kids was 17b 16g 10b 2g. Their 2 year old had her bed in their room the two boys shared a bathroom and since the daughter being a young lady with her own privacy needs so they gave her her own bathroom. They would never take that privacy away from her no matter how many kids they have. Instead they gotten a bigger house with more bathrooms.
Who in the heck puts a 4year old boy in the room with a pre teen. Im sorry the 2 year old and 4 year boy can't get along. So what they are kids be a parent. The 12 year old girl has private parts that is needed to be cover. I can just imagine how that room will look. He will be in all her stuff. I don't care if he was 10 you do not put opposite sex in the same room. Especially in pre teen years. Even the government is against that. My mom is a foster mom there have to be different rooms for males and females, after age 6.
I am betting this guy very obviously resents his daughter. He probably despises her mother and is resentful of child support. Alienating her and losing her is what he secretly wants.
OMG so 4 year old BOY and 2 year old BOY can't share a room together and you want the 12 year old GIRL a different age different gender a young lady to share with toddler even if she don't visit that much she is your daughter and you are responsible to provide her a comfortable envirement to live and don't have more children if you can't treat them equally
Even if the 12yo was on board with the plan you can bet that there will be conflict later on when the 4yo inevitably messes around and/or destroys 12yo's personal possessions while 12yo is away with her mom. Terrible idea.
I think they should put the boys and the baby when it's old enough together in the same room when she is there and for the part of the year she's not there put the 4 yr old in her room so that way the small children aren't all crammed in one place the entire year when their is a free bedroom but the 12yr old also has her own space when she comes to visit
This is a tough call. Let MIL stay in the room with ensuite. Put 2 and 4 together, and let 12 have her own space, but prepare her for the baby to be in the room too ( not right away after birth, but as soon as baby is able to sleep through the night uninterrupted. I specify this, because not every baby sleep through the night at 1 year. It differs from baby to baby). The reason I say this is most children connect better with kids if they get acquainted at a younger age. Yes, she's against it now, but with time it can change. Especially if she included in aspects of the birth of the baby. Remember at this time she still feels like the odd one out, so keep her included as much as possible, while providing a safe space for the newborn too.
Anyone watched the movie War with Grandpa. Just watched it yesterday. Same.basic plot except the 12 year old is a boy and the grandfather is moving in because of health issues. But honestly, I must say it would better to put 4yo and 2yo in same room and 12yo in another. Having to suddenly share a room with somebody else is not a nice prospect especially when you feel it's a safe place, a haven.
The reality here is that you should keep your damn sausage cream to yourself if you cannot find means to house everyone. And who ousts their daughter in favor of a damn MIL?!? A god damn pansy, that's who.
I think the issue is more of the age gap and gender than it is about not having her own room. Having to share a room is not abnormal and if it were girls of similar age I wouldn't have a problem with any of this. But to make a near teen girl share a room with a 4yo boy is always going to create a very uncomfortable situation. I do understand OP's thinking here and don't think they are as callous as some others have suggested. But I do think they are too focused on solving a logistical problem and failing to empathise.
A 12year old girl isn’t going to see the logic in the situation. She’s the oldest and developmentally needs more privacy and personal space….. she will not be okay and never will be until you take the time to show her that you value her as a member of your family, and not as an inconvenience. Priorities within your family home shouldn’t be based on adult logic and expected time within a designated space…. You’re telling your already displaced daughter that she matters less than every single other person in that household…. Including the grandmother whom just arrived. With kindness, Maybe you need to learn how parent the littles…. Teach them proper behaviour, manage meltdowns and dysregulation….. Lean on the grandmother to help set a routine for success…… Things don’t just happen …. You let the things happen by mismanaging poor behaviours, or not teaching them right from wrong. Your job is to soothe, regulate, and teach… not find the logical solution to your troubles.
He needs to build an extension/granny annex for the MIL. Don't have the money, should have thought of that before having yet another kid that'll cost them 100x more! (if MIL had her own house she should sell it to pay for the built of her new room)
it makes no sense why the 2 boys can't share a room and when the baby is born stay in the parents room when it get older if it a boy he can share a room with the other boys and if it a girl she can share a room with grandma since she is basically moving in to be a live in nanny I don't suggest her to share a room with 12 year old just bc if she isn't around the baby will probably destroy her stuff
This conversation is so bizarre to me and illustrates the world we have become. Entitlement is real. Sounds like 12 year old and her mom are paying the mortgage. By allowing her to guilt him instead of teaching her the value of being grateful for a loving home and extended family, he is ensuring she enters adulthood as another entitled brat.
Your comment really doesn't match the story. Idk what you're going on about but it's not this story
Load More Replies... Why is the mil moving in if there is no room. And maybe having the 12 year old share with a four year old is op's logical solution, but if she really hates it, skipping visits is her logical solution. As long as everyone's ok with that, there's no problem.
I don't know if it's an american thing or what but no one would think it's "outrageous and illegal" for a 12 year old to share a room with a 4 year old lmao. That aside, the issue here is that her room is somewhat *her* space in that house, she probably doesn't feel that closely knit with the family considering she doesn't spend as much time in that house, and you are taking away one of the few things that are actually hers. Both little kids together or grandma sharing with one of the kids would be preferable
what is wrong with you focus on the kids you have putting a 12yo nearly teenager young lady with a 4yo nuts. 2 &4yo need to share rooms get over it once MIL moves out putt baby in own room not with toddlers or find finances to create another small bedroom for baby. Don't push your daughter out of her domain she'll be a grown woman blink of an eye & you will lose her over your selfish inconsiderate ways
We were in a similar situation but we sat with my husbands older kids who were "only" with us on school holidays and some weekends and gave them a chance to be an active part in the decision making (they were 9 and 16 yrs old). They used to each have their own room in our house. Involving them made them feel just as important and they actually came up with the perfect solution (sharing a room) everyone was happy as THEY suggested it. If we would have just told them to share a room they would have been (rightly) upset.
A 14 year old girl needs her privacy. Putting her in to share with her brother is not a good move. I understand the thought process since she’s not there permanently but the decision also lacks understanding and respect for your daughter. She just won’t want to come and stay is my guess. Why invite someone to live with you if you don’t have a spare room?
Tbh I don't see the problem here most likely because my parents are still together I mean since she's there only 7 weeks in a year ofc the people living there full time are gonna be a priority he was just stating a plan and making arrangements I understand why she'd be mad but I completely get the dad's side of the story I mean I room with my siblings who are 5 and 7 years younger than me full time j do think that he should maybe room 2 and 4yo kids when she's there so she can have some privacy. And I don't get why people are so mad at him saying he's prioritising them over her and basically just saying she isn't the first priority change is something we need it's not like he'd constantly pamper her n stuff one day she'd actually have to make herself uncomfortable for a while to continue living normally and it's not like they'll just leave an old woman with health issues alone in the end she's still family so is the step mother the little kids the 12yo girl and the dad they're a family
NTA but I don't think it's right to make her share a room with a boy. But apologize big time... take her to do something she wants to do with just the two of you. You should explain why the mil is moving in and ask her if she has any ideas? Tell her that you really didn't think about her taking it that way bc you think of them all as your children so you didn't think it would be a big deal. Maybe you have a walk in closet that you can turn into a nursery so the baby can stay there till it's 3 or so because she will be 18 in 4 yrs and probably won't be using the room anymore and then the oldest brother could get the room unless the baby is a girl. So even if you have to stay cramped to make her feel wanted for the next 4 years it will be totally worth it in the end. Just my thoughts.
Expecting a 12 year old girl to share a room with a 4 year old boy. How safe.will her belongs be? (FYI. THEY WONT BE SAFE AT ALL) How valued does she feel? (FYI: SHE DOESNT FEEL VALUED BY YOU AT ALL.) Everyone in this story is TAH except for this 12 year old girl. She has no say in this does she? Did you and you wife really believe that the world needs more of your spawn? This is badly thoughout and you can say goodbye to this girl. Well, you've already done that haven't you? There is nothing in this story where you look good. You let your daughter down. Bad parent. AH.
So crowd the family in for 45 weeks a year with an empty room? Seriously? Put the boys together while she's there. Use the room when she's not. Don't make her share, but she can compromise on her decor.
Not sure why OP posted the question because he'd already solved the problem. His daughter won't be staying at his house anymore, so he has plenty of room for his shiny new family. But seriously, the missing piece is the gender of the unborn baby. Sometimes kids have to share rooms, but it should be by gender - asking a pubescent girl to share with a four year old boy is beyond the pale. Grandma gets the room with the bathroom. Boys move in together. If baby is a girl then twelve year old gets a roomie. If it's another boy, it's a little more complicated - one of them gets the daughter's room when she is not there, and bunks with the brothers (or in a tent somewhere!) when she is visiting. Make it obvious that others are being inconvenienced when she is there - it is good for her to see that they have sacrificed to ensure she has privacy and a bed she can call her own, even if someone else sleeps in the room when she's not there. And no nosey boys!
I don't understand. Do they suddenly not need a study anymore either? Her room is already in use as a study when she isn't there. Just have the 2 and 4 year old boys share a room and the empty room goes to grandma. That makes much more sense.
Might want to check state laws also. I have a younger stepsister and because of the age difference we could not share a room and we are both female.
Of course the 2 and 4 will have to share the room. I just don't get this parent
I'm with the dad on this one, it's a sensible if not wonderful choice. Yes ideally she should have her own room but that seems to be an issue. The toddlers could share the room while she's there which is what I'd do, but for those saying move or stop Having more kids they are making comments without knowing the complete story and showing a great deal of ignorance about housing costs and family stressor. It's rough on the daughter but unfortunately this is how it is for this family. Its happened to lots if kids and they have survived it, it's not child abuse it's the reality of a blended family
You people are ridiculous. Tbh OPs plan makes the sense in the long run. Is it a perfect solution? Absolutely not. But it is a good one that will ultimately cut costs so that further down the line a better solution will more than likely be available. That being said, it makes far more sense for the brothers to share a room. While they might not get along perfectly and there will be bumps in the road to get there, age AND gender should be considered. There is only a 2 year difference between them, and it is wildly inappropriate for a soon to be teenage girl to share with a young boy. It would be better for them to move in together now and get that settled before the baby arrives. Do they know the gender yet? What if it's a girl? They would need to change room arrangements again if it is. While at a glance their plan COULD work, logistically it would make better sense is the boys roomed together, Grandmother got her own room, and the 3rd bedroom was given to baby and daughter.
Wow, I thought the daughter was the jerk. 12 is plenty old enough to be helpful and thoughtful. She is only there a few weeks! But no, she throws a tantrum. She's not being "replaced" . There's a BABY coming and an old lady with mobility issues. But she prioritizes herself and everyone calls dad a jerk: this, THIS is why American kids have all these identity issues and mental health and stuff.
Absolutely NTA. Family circumstances change which requires people to make adjustments. If your daughter lives there year round then we will be having a different conversation. Your MIL brings more than what's being given to her, peace of mind and saving money by helping out taking care of her grandkids gives you guys more options and possibly the wife a chance to return to work. No costs for childcare etc. Teenager is there a fraction of the time and a huge resource sits empty, a room with an ensuite. This will be a life lesson you teach her and if she refuses to see you, simply leave the door open and reach out periodically. Your ex needs to move on and focus on raising a responsible future adult. Right now her teenage brain is a teenage brain and still developing. How many never had their own bedroom sharing the only bathroom in the house and became lawyers, drs, teachers, Ceos etc. Hang a division in one of the bedrooms that she can share and she will be fine....eventually.
What happens with the room the other 45 weeks when the girl isn't there? She's there for about 13.5% of the year, leaving her room empty for most of the year. Meanwhile, the mom would be living there most of the year. I understand needing her own space, yet at the same time, it would be unused for the majority of the year.
Not even sharing an opinion on the case just ppl absolutely spotting fury at the dad need to get off the internet and breathe some air. There probably is a better solution but chill out is is not the end of the world for her to share a room she only uses for a few weeks
I think the 12yo is first off a spoiled bratt, if she would be there only for a few weeks in a year, i would have put her on the couch. But that's me, otherwise put a bed/couch in the 4y old's room, and a folding bureau/closet for her stuff. No need to split that room in 2.. the 4year old lives there.. he need space too xD and when she comes to VISIT!.. you can put up a little tent somewhere in the house for the 4year old, who needs walls, kids llove that type of stuff.
Her "room" is an office most of the year, so it's not as if it's untouched. And there is no way that a pubescent 12 year old girl should be sharing a room with a 4 year old boy. Think about it - in four year's time she'll be 16 and he'll be 8. Do you seriously suggest that it's okay for an older teenage girl to share a room with a boy of 8?
Load More Replies... Your summer with your grandmother: “Hey guys, *all of us* are bunking together for the holidays.” This situation: “Hey darling. You already feel like the odd one out. Let’s make it clear that you 100% are the odd one out. You are the child who matters least.” There may be a compromise available. But, from the kid’s perspective, this is simply her being handed the s****y end of the stick. And it’s simply being imposed upon her, whether she likes it or not.
Load More Replies... The problem is that there was no conversation with the 12-year-old first - just a solution, imposed upon her, which made it crystal clear that she was her father’s least loved child.
Load More Replies... Kerri, I don't think anyone forgot that part, that's literally the part that everyone is getting upset about. She is a child of divorce that mainly stays with her mother - when she is with her dad she is mainly in her room. She probably already feels like she isn't really part of the family anymore and now the father is taking away her safe space in a house that she probably already feels left out of. And for those that say well 'she just needs to get over it' that's fine, but be prepared to have a s**t relationship with your child and for them to resent you. And seriously she is 12 year old girl - she should not have to suddenly share a room with a 4 year old. Put yourself in her shoes for a sec and really think about it.
Load More Replies... Matthew is a great dad who enjoys receiving a card on his birthday from his adult children once every 2-3 years.
Load More Replies...
83
171