Parenting is a very contentious topic. Pretty much anyone you ask will have quite strong opinions on how best to raise children. At times, this can lead to fierce arguments online and in real life between people who mean well and have good intentions.
Social media user @HonestLeYo started a massive discussion on X (formerly Twitter) after asking everyone to spill the tea about their most honest and slightly controversial opinions on parenting. Scroll down to see what they had to say.
This post may include affiliate links.
Holy c**p at the comments in here!!! I 100% stand behind and give my full support to my GAY AUTISTIC son. Those of you who think less of my son or me can just shove your heads so far up your @ss that you choke on your own sh*t.
The X thread was a resounding success and reached many people all over the social network. At the time of writing, user @HonestLeYo’s entire discussion was viewed a whopping 65.4 million times. It just goes to show how much people care about the topic of parenting as a whole. It’s a topic that’s very relatable and close to many internet users’ hearts.
For every opinion on parenting, no matter how thought out and reasonable it might sound, there’s always going to be someone who’s going to counter it with their own take on things. People can have very wildly different perspectives and experiences in life. It’s no different where raising kids is concerned. Something that seems to work for one family might miss the mark in another home.
Funny. Mine complain any time I make a big purchase because it diminishes their inheritance. That's now the joke in the family if I take them out to dinner and pay I promptly thank them for dinner as it came out of their inheritance. So much fun to watch them squirm
in countries with accessible, reliable birthcontrol and a non-abusive, non-controlling partnership
Load More Replies...
The religious whackjobs want to ensure you HAVE to have children no matter what unless you want to be celibate the rest of your life.
but if you can't get an abortion, you're stuck (birth control fails, you know)
Yes! Why should my taxes go to your bad decision when I cannot even get help myself.
Anyone have a box big enough to hold my 19 year old son? I guess I gotta return him to the factory...
Yes, people in poverty shouldn't be allowed to procreate. Only middle and upper class. 🙄
I know you're being sarcastic but it's irresponsible to have children you can't afford to feed or securely house. It's selfish and you're not doing that child any favors. If you want children get into a comfortable financial situation first, logical right?
Load More Replies...
14 states out of 50 have banned it. So not the entirety of the USA.
Load More Replies...
Seriously, what are you, the farming peasants of ye olde middle ages? Problems of today are caused by overpopulation, not solved by it.
If there were only some way to avoid pregnancy....something you could do or not do to reduce the chances of it. Maybe you could wear something or take some medicine to keep from getting pregnant.
I feel the same way about pets. My brother spent well over $10k on his diabetic Rottweiler, Bobby, who had to be put down anyway.
And the alternative? Because they are doing their damnedest to stop women from getting abortions, so...
If you have kids, then you know that how you approach childcare might be different from how your relatives, friends, coworkers, and neighbors do it. There are four main styles of parenting: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and neglectful.
You might find that you fit one category very neatly or you’re a mix of two. However, they’re not all built equal.
Got yelled at by a parent because I shooed a child out from behind the counter where I worked. I worked at a pizza place at the time.. the pizza oven is 500 degrees. Your child almost took a header into it. *Where were you* and why aren't you watching your kid?
Mine has decided to change their pronouns. I don't understand it, but I accept it cos I love them 🙂
Though every family and child is indeed different, there are some things that all parents can do that are fundamentally sound. To put it very simply, research shows that it’s authoritative parents who raise the happiest, most confident, well-adjusted, independent, and well-educated kids.
Meanwhile, authoritarian, permissive, and neglectful parenting styles are severely lacking and can lead to serious issues down the road.
Yes. I always say that a big part of the world's f#ckery stems from the fact that people treat having kids as an obligation even though they're absolutely unfit for parenting.
Broadly speaking, authoritative parenting is about finding a balance between rules, boundaries, support, and love. It highly prizes open and honest communication, transparency, structure, as well as familial warmth.
Authoritative parents set very clear rules and expectations for their kids, but they also take their thoughts and feelings into account. It’s a great blend of discipline, fairness, and guidance.
I also give relationship advice to my friends even though I'm chronically single. It's about a different perspective.
That goes for the rate of pay, too! I don't care that you have 4 kids and cannot pay your bills, especially if you underperform. That does not give you a right to earn more money simply because of this. I've had this happen more than once when I found out someone was making as much as me without half of skills, education, and common sense I have. The answer was, "Well, he has a family..." That's not my problem.
However, authoritative parenting doesn’t simply happen in a vacuum. It requires a lot of time, energy, and patience to get it right. It means slowing down and explaining to your child why you have the rules that you have for behavior at home and in public. It means enforcing those same rules to show that misbehavior has consequences.
And it means constantly communicating with your munchkin throughout everything so that their feelings aren’t ignored. It’s a lot of work. But it’s worth it in the end.
The number of hockey/football/pageant parents I know with miserable children. Or, "I wanted to be a doctor but didn't get the opportunity, but you can!" The parents are never satisfied and the kids hate life.
Someone on Tumblr once said that "small children have the full emotional range of an adult person, but no experience to know how to handle them" and it has really changed how I look at kids getting emotional in public.
The alternatives are easier to implement because they require less effort on the parent’s part, but the results aren’t as good.
For example, authoritarian parents may set clear rules, but they simply expect their kids to obey them without taking their opinions or feelings into account. It’s all strictness without the support. And there’s too much focus on punishment than warmth.
Isn't that the expectation and the bare minimum when you become a parent?
People love to say this, and I understand their sentiment, but any world that implemented this would be a horrible world. Think about the people in power who get to decide the rules, and think of the people who would be excluded. LGBT people would have parenting rights revoked, disabled people, people from unconventional backgrounds. Imagine if the government could look into your past and see stuff like "oh you did drugs when you were in your early 20s? Well now you're 33 and haven't touched them for years, you can't be a parent. Sorry!"
Permissive parenting, on the other hand, is the polar opposite of authoritarian parenting. Permissive parents are incredibly loving and responsive to their kids’ feelings.
However, they tend to avoid setting and enforcing boundaries. One of the most accurate ways of describing the style is that these parents often think of themselves as their children’s friends, rather than guardian figures. They pretty much let their munchkins do whatever they want without wanting to control them in any way. But kids need some sort of structure to thrive.
I think a lot of people want to have babies, and forget they grow into kids and teens and adults!
Lastly, there’s the neglectful (aka uninvolved) parenting style where there are no rules, expectations, or support. The parents, for whatever reasons, simply do not respond to what they require, from basic needs to attention and love. Kids who grow up this way tend to have lots of problems at school, have little self-control, and may get in trouble with the authorities.
Out of all four of these styles, authoritative parenting is the only one that finds a balance between structure and encouragement.
"let them develop their own personalities" "if the kid turns out bad, it's the parents fault" "keep your kids in check" "don't be so strickt" - it's all just extremes against eachother, and all taken out of context. M W's comment to this post is what all these opinions need: an exact example. Those opinions are mostly geared towards a specific scenario in mind, but that is not mentioned.
And only if it works: if kids are told by a teacher how to behave well and the parents tell them otherwise, who do you think they'll most likely listen to? A guy they see a few hours everyday for less than a year, or their beloved parents they take as their life example? Yes, a good teacher can be a great help but it can't replace parents who don't do their job.
Which of the parenting opinions in this list did you agree with the most? What parenting style and philosophy do you apply at home, dear Pandas? What advice would you give new parents who are struggling to juggle work, childcare, chores, and rest? We’d love to hear your thoughts, so if you have a moment, scroll down to the comment section to share them.
Gods yes. Dont excuse their bad behaviors because you think they can do no wrong. Let them experience consequences. Stand with them, hold their hand, but make them face the ramifications of their actions. Excusing them only creates a$$holes and monsters who think they can get away with anything.
I've heard about a father who reacted to his son assaulting a girl with "Nice, I was getting afraid he's gay". Some nice priorities, really...
Parents are not servants or slaves to their children though. People should appreciate what they have. Both parents and children. And no, it's not my responsibiltiy to be there for them no matter what. It is my responsibility to perpare them for adult life, to make them independent (good) human beings. It is my responsibility to make sure they can live happily ever after without me.
It’s makes me so sad and angry seeing babies holding a phone when out and about. Literal babies! Disgusting. And then there’s the toddlers. No wonder IQ points have dropped for the first time in over 70 years after ongoing growth. 22 points! That’s massive!
YES. This is the correct response to the "ChiLdReN aRE NoT yOUr FriEnDs" argument.
Not always. Sometimes parents try to connect with their kids and that kid just goes off the rails.
The "I gave you a roof over your head, fed you, clothed you" argument really makes my blood boil. "Geez thanks for doing the bare minimum for my survival." I should clarify, I don't get this from my parents thankfully I've been lucky to have good kind and caring parents but I've heard this countless times from other peoples parents to them. One friend even quotes their parent and says it to their kids now even though they do much more for their kids but that mentality was instilled in them. It's very sad.
No but I taught them that calling someone else "sir" or "ma'am" is simple respect until given leave by that person to call them something different. Especially in professional settings like school or their doctor. There is a difference between teaching basic manners and respect and forcing them to treat you like some kind of warden.
I feel this one is a bit more complex. It's important to let kids have a childhood, while also preparing them for the future. "Good values" are subjective. This one could go pretty deep in the discussion mill, but suffice to say, it's all about balance.
My SIL has a 12 yr old son that she insists was a perfect baby, always comparing him to my baby. Even her own kid calls her out, saying things like "mom, EVERYONE says their baby was perfect🙄"
Tiny bodies can have very big - overwhelming feelings and limited communication skills. Parents need to teach children how to handle those feelings in a positive manner.
We told ours "if you find you are in a jam, call us, we will hash out the why later"...worked pretty well
Yup, mental abuse is even worse sometimes. and the old trope, "...but other people had it worse than you..." doesn't mean a thing. It does not delegitimize what one has experienced.
I’ll make it really easy: if you want your kids to forgive your mistakes, you need to be willing to actually FIX your mistakes. My parents were ~trying to do what they felt was right~ when they smacked me; should that be considered OK since it didn’t meet the threshold to be classified as abuse?
My mom didn't make that mistake. She was very affectionate. (My dad, however, was/is embarrassed by any and all emotions, but I didn't have to deal with him much after about age 7.)
I'm calling whiney B.S. on this one. Kids end up in therapy for an array of reasons. Stop blaming parents for everything. My therapist said, "A huge chunk of people who blame their parents for things actually need to address their expectations of what they think a parent should be." In a nutshell, he explained we put our parents on a pedestal that we as adults couldn't even measure up to those expectations. To go directly along with this post, maybe most kids end up in therapy because they refused to change, did their own thing, and now blame their parents that they feel so lost.
A kid doesn't know what a good parent is. A kid wants a friend, a parent who always grants their wishes. A kid wants a parent who does not say no. A good parent sets boundaries, learns children to do task they do not like, learns them to respect and to say no. It's growing up, becoming an adult, that makes you see what kids need, not having been a child.
My husband said his mother never spoke in a normal voice to the kids (technically the boys, him and hus brother, his little sister was the golden child.) Just screeching. The closer it got to xmas, the screaming revolved around "do/don't do XYZ or no presents!" (No wonder her kids are low contact.)
Yes, ESPECIALLY physical punishments. I've heard that physical punishments are never a good solution at any point of the child's life, since the child is either too young to comprehend why they're being hit or mature enough to employ other, less extreme ways to correct their behavior.
Sometimes a kid needs gentle parenting other times you need to teach them to be a decent person
Agree for the most part, except one thing: when parents say "discipline and respect", they too often mean "absolute, unconditional obedience and subservience enforcable by physical violence". Parenting with fear is no parenting at all.
I'd refprase it in a more positive way: Parents don't always have to know what's best for their children. Parents try to put themselves into the situation and guess what would be best, but it can be sometimes completely wrong, and that is ok. It's a learning moment. Also, just because you are a parent that doesn't mean you need to be a perfect parent "according to the unwritten parenting guidebook". Do the best you can.
I disagree as our children are very much representatives of the parent(s). S****y parents will often have s****y kids compared to children taught manners and respect for others.
This sounds like the start of every horror story of a kid who has zero chance at pleasing parents with this specific goal.
How about "do not put ANY immediate family member before another?" Kids, partners, self. You're all in this together. Act like it and treat each other like it.
I once got scolded by someone who wasn't my mom for "back talking" but I wasn't trying to be disrespectful, I was raising a genuine concern, and I had no idea why she was getting so mad. My parents allowed me to speak freely about such things and it was never perceived as disrespect, so I was really shocked.
yup. For instance, my mom, being a good catholic wanted to become a nun, well, they actually turned her down (!!!!!!!!). So the only other option was to get married and have a bunch of kids. She should not have had kids.
There are tons of parenting handbooks. The good ones are even written by experts in all the fields here pointed
is not always possible for parents to be present in the important moments of a kids life. My parents missed a couple of important events in my life and I have cero resentment (just celebrated with them later) . I understood a they were busy and never saw it as a lack of love or interest .kids need to learn that parents sometimes have other commitments and that your milestones , transitions and emotions are not the center of your parent´s universe. Parents are also indivivuals with a life of their own. It is Important that a kid knows that he/she can always count with his/her parents . To be emotionally available is way more important than to be present at every single event your kid has
As someone I know put it: if, as a parent, you do more of the good stuff than the bad stuff, you are doing all right.
As I have often heard, older siblings have two major jobs: to love and protect the younger kid, and to drive the younger kid up a wall.
I need more explanation. It sounds like "regulating your inner child" is contracticting itself. Let your inner child roam, so you can enjoy seeing your kids play in the mud as you understand their joy. Regulating your inner child sounds like "you're too old to play with lego, grow up". I hope that is not meant here?
Oh, I see OP has blissfully never met truly atrocious people brought up by very decent parents. Such luck!
Ok so follow my children around to make sure they don't make any mistakes. If they are teenagers they will most probably try drugs that's what they do! It's my job to explain that a lot of drugs will kill them first take. Others will mess them up for life. Others are very addictive. And so on. And as for plastic surgery the same applies I can only advise a young adult of why it's a bad idea
OK this is 2 fold. .I can't stand that "baby momma" and "momma bear" entitled c**p I come across...but the 2nd part! Sheesh!!! No not everyone feels that way and to assume they do is very presumptuous and outdated!
“Children shouldn’t be heard” is such a old fashion and wrong approach, but yeah children shouldn’t be screaming outloud (nor should adults)
College tuition should be payed by taxes. Having educated people improves society as a whole, not just the life of the educated individual
Completely false. Those who say that understands what "parenting" actually means.
No! There are so many factors involved that even when a parent tries their hardest there is no way to tell how a kid might turn out.
Yeah, because slapping and beating the child is soooo much more effective /s. Pretty weird take coming from someone with Avatar Aang, possibly the most nonviolent fictional character, as their PFP.
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
You May Also Like
Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk
Do you think childless individuals should be expected to chip in for group babysitting costs during friend gatherings?
17 Y.O. Is Done Sharing Her Birthday With Her Late Twin, Parents Are Not Having It
Do you think the girl should be allowed to celebrate her birthday without the remembrance of her deceased twin?
I've got one that I don't think was on the list. If you do everything for your children their whole lives, and never let them make decisions or solve their own problems (age appropriate, of course), you are a child abuser. Your job as a parent is to help them develop into confident competent adults, not keep them dependent on you their whole lives, or suddenly expect them to fend for themselves when they become an adult after not giving them the tools to do so.
Most of these are just common sense. Don't be an abusive jackass to your kid/kids
Load More Replies...
How are these controversial? "I think that spanking does not qualify as corporal punishment" now that's controversial. These are just common sense.
As a young adult, no kids, I find that "blame the parent" is a common theme in these. Kids have responsibilities and also need discipline, values, and rules in their lifes. Many kids who could do whatever they wanted ended up wondering why "their parents didn't care about them." Parents owe their kids sustenance and love, but kids also owe their parents respect and that same love. Otherwise you'll raise some monster selfish adults.
Absolutely. I can never understand why poor people keep having kid after kid, especially the poor in huge slums worldwide. Why would a parent want to condemn a child to a life in the same slums?
Load More Replies...
I think for the 'should parents be friends with their children' argument, that should be a parent first, but also a friend.
Exactly! Just be aware of when to be a parent and when to be both their parent and friend. Being neither opens the door to many potential problems with your relationship.
Load More Replies...
There is no such thing as unconditional love - and that’s ok. My child is not obligated to love me because I birthed them. I EARN that love by being the best parent I can be with the best of intentions. It works the other way around too. If my child (as an adult) behaves in a way that maliciously harms others I in a criminal way- I will loose my feelings of love. Unconditional love removes responsibility to earn that place in someone’s heart.
That is a stupid question, "Do you believe parents should strictly limit screen time for children?" Are those 'parents' replacing it with anything else, like READING to kids or spending time with them? Probably not. And if you don't want your kid looking at a phone all the time, DON'T BUY THEM A SMARTPHONE. Get a featurephone with buttons. They can still call you and send text messages, plus it has a calculator. Isn't that enough?
The thing I really don't understand is getting a little kid an expensive phone then being shocked when it breaks, featurephone is much tougher and affordable
Load More Replies... I've got one that I don't think was on the list. If you do everything for your children their whole lives, and never let them make decisions or solve their own problems (age appropriate, of course), you are a child abuser. Your job as a parent is to help them develop into confident competent adults, not keep them dependent on you their whole lives, or suddenly expect them to fend for themselves when they become an adult after not giving them the tools to do so.
Most of these are just common sense. Don't be an abusive jackass to your kid/kids
Load More Replies... How are these controversial? "I think that spanking does not qualify as corporal punishment" now that's controversial. These are just common sense.
As a young adult, no kids, I find that "blame the parent" is a common theme in these. Kids have responsibilities and also need discipline, values, and rules in their lifes. Many kids who could do whatever they wanted ended up wondering why "their parents didn't care about them." Parents owe their kids sustenance and love, but kids also owe their parents respect and that same love. Otherwise you'll raise some monster selfish adults.
Absolutely. I can never understand why poor people keep having kid after kid, especially the poor in huge slums worldwide. Why would a parent want to condemn a child to a life in the same slums?
Load More Replies... I think for the 'should parents be friends with their children' argument, that should be a parent first, but also a friend.
Exactly! Just be aware of when to be a parent and when to be both their parent and friend. Being neither opens the door to many potential problems with your relationship.
Load More Replies... There is no such thing as unconditional love - and that’s ok. My child is not obligated to love me because I birthed them. I EARN that love by being the best parent I can be with the best of intentions. It works the other way around too. If my child (as an adult) behaves in a way that maliciously harms others I in a criminal way- I will loose my feelings of love. Unconditional love removes responsibility to earn that place in someone’s heart.
That is a stupid question, "Do you believe parents should strictly limit screen time for children?" Are those 'parents' replacing it with anything else, like READING to kids or spending time with them? Probably not. And if you don't want your kid looking at a phone all the time, DON'T BUY THEM A SMARTPHONE. Get a featurephone with buttons. They can still call you and send text messages, plus it has a calculator. Isn't that enough?
The thing I really don't understand is getting a little kid an expensive phone then being shocked when it breaks, featurephone is much tougher and affordable
Load More Replies...