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MIL Decided To Wear White To Son’s Wedding, So The Bride Made Every Bridesmaid Wear White While She Wore Pink
Deciding on a wedding dress can be a difficult task for a bride. Most try on between four and seven gowns before they decide on the perfect one, but in some cases, it can take dozens before a bride is satisfied. They usually have an idea of what they’re looking for though: the style, the shape, the length of the sleeves, how much lace and how many sequins they can handle, how long the train is, and oh yeah, the color. In many western countries, brides choose to wear white on their special day, but who says that’s a requirement?
One bride shared on Reddit that she actually decided to mix up the color palette at her wedding after her soon to be mother-in-law insisted on wearing white. Below, you can read the full story featuring the demanding mother-in-law, and let us know in the comments how you would have reacted in this situation. Then if you’re interested in another Bored Panda story featuring wedding dress drama, be sure to check out this article next.
RELATED:
One bride is wondering if she was wrong for getting creative with the color scheme at her wedding
Image credits: An Min (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Milivojevic (not the actual photo)
Image credits: New_Departure7517
A pink dress sounds absolutely beautiful for a wedding, but I have to admit, I’ve never seen it done before. White dresses have just become the expectation in many western countries, and many women don’t even question it. In the United States, for example, about 83% of brides wore white on their special day in 2018. However, more and more women are becoming creative and deciding they don’t have to go along with tradition, as that number had dropped down from a whopping 92% of American brides in 2017. Whether it was simply due to a preference or a choice to honor their culture, brides are feeling less pressure to wear white just because it’s expected.
A bride should have the choice to wear whatever she wants at her wedding: white, black, pink, gold, red, etc. But the issue in this story is not at all what the bride decided to wear or have her bridal party wear, it is the fact that her mother-in-law demanded on wearing white. If it had been the plan for the bride to wear pink from the get-go, and there had been a conversation about what the mother of the groom was allowed to wear, that would be different. But the groom’s mother insisted on choosing her outfit first, and the bride was expected to simply accommodate her.
It also does not make sense for the mother of the groom to choose her attire first, because, traditionally, she could wear a wide variety of looks. The bride is the one person who has specific expectations of what she will be wearing, and the day is all about her and her partner, so she should set the tone for what everyone will be wearing. Then the mother of the groom could choose an appropriate formal dress or outfit that does not take away from the bride but still looks lovely. There are not strict guidelines on what the mother of the groom can wear, but as The Knot explains on their site, “It’s encouraged to steer clear of wearing white, blush or neutral hues that can look white on camera unless specifically approved by the bride.”
What do you think about this situation? If you are married, we would love to hear what you and/or your lovely bride chose to wear for the occasion and if any drama ensued between family members about what they were allowed to wear as well. Feel free to share your personal wedding stories below, and remember, a wedding is all about celebrating one couple. The rest of us can take a back seat, at least for one day!
Readers have unanimously sided with the bride, saying that the mother-in-law got what she deserved
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What do you think ?
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
The MIL needs a lot of therapy. Also, a sense of humor. And, y'know, a restraining order maybe.
Bobbi McGough Robert 3 years ago
Definitely get the restraining order first!
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smugdruggler 3 years ago
OP s a genius. Love this, and would really love to see MIL's surprised Pikachu face lol.
June 3 years ago
This is absolutely LEGENDARY. OP is a legend. Unique wedding on so many levels, I would love to see pics (sounds beautiful and hilarious at the same time with MIL's face 😂)
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DuchessDegu 3 years ago
I'd wear a firetruck red dress just to stand out like a flippin beacon! MIL can do one!
Monday 3 years ago
Well since most women look absolutely fabulous in red that's not a bad idea for a wedding.
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Memere 3 years ago (edited)
This is some disturbingly sick emotional incest from the MIL! If OP truly wants her marriage to last, there needs to be some rock solid boundaries set, and MIL needs intense therapy, or a partner of her own!
Patricia O'Rourke 3 years ago
I was thinking the same - all the imitation of the OP, wanting to go on holidays with them - sounds like she thinks the only woman good enough to marry him is her! This is one sick mother.
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Steve 3 years ago
BRIDE spreading FAKE NEWS!!! This day was YUUGE for MIl, and made the BIGGLIEST effort to let BRIDE PARTICIPATE!!! I DEMAND a judge declare this A FAKE WEDDING and that the MIL is REAL BRIDE. She would be MOST STABLE GENIUS MOM-WIFE in HISTORY!!!
Disgruntled Pelican 3 years ago
Thank you for the laugh! The MIL was definitely giving DJT vibes! 😂
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Casey McAlister 3 years ago
That's a great idea to put her on her place, Also kudos for wearing pink for your wedding, I always thought that white is just too boring for a wedding.
Pirates of Zen Pants 3 years ago
I love this! The bride didn't take away her shine. MIL had no shine to begin with. MIL is confusing shine with malignant narcissism.
Honu 3 years ago
Yes. If anything, the bride saved her from humiliating herself in front of everyone. I don't care if the white dress looked absolutely stunning on her. Everyone looking at her trying to outshine the bride would just see, as you say, malignant narcissism. She would've looked pathetic and unhinged. Switching up all the maids to white made her look normal and saved her from widespread derision. She'll never see it that way, of course, but at least it saved the bride and groom from having everyone's memory of their wedding day being his crazy mom.
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Inclusion2020 3 years ago
Honestly I stopped reading after the part where she explained how awful the ML is….. the husband needs to set boundaries…. And he may need therapy in order to feel okay in doing that. I’m in a similar situation with my mom. However, there is a ton of trauma surrounding my relationship with my mom and it has taken serious therapy to be able to set boundaries. But. Regardless. The mom is dumping her issues on the son and his wife. It’s so painful as a child to have to parent the parent… but it’s the moms responsibility to go to therapy and fix her issues and the sons responsibility to set bou dairies to preorder himself and his new family.
Phyzzi 3 years ago
Yeah, the bride won the battle but is well on ger way to loosing the war if she thinks this problem might fix itself. Basically everyone involved needs therapy and to immediately set very firm boundaries. Bride also needs to sit down for a long talk with the FIL and figure out his side of things and what he knows about the MIL's parents, and exactly how he saw the manifesting of what is very likely a personality disorder... and also sus out what is up with him.
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Squirrelly Panda 3 years ago
For those saying the husband needs to set boundaries, how do we know they haven't been set? Is the husband supposed to stop MIL from buying perfume? a car? We don't know if the husband's reaction was to disinvite her or not. What we know is the couple came up with a gracious way to have MIL present without upstaging the bride. Husband kept the colors secret. He had his wife's back. I love it when people can politely and graciously put rude people in their place.
xiao xiao 3 years ago
Other commenters said that he should've said soemthing like "you'll be asked to leave the wedding if you wear this dress" but idk. The mum sounds crazy but she's still his mother, her not being good to his future wife doesn't mean she's a bad mother to him, she has a right to be there at his wedding, I don't think saying that is the right thing to do. I actually think whatt the bride did is the best solution anyone can have for this situation, and the fact that he supported her is good indication that be realises how his mother is. I agree with not including her to their private life in the future, but not the wedding, I guess I think this way because in my culture weddings aren't just for the couple but for the families too.
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Candice Blanton 3 years ago
I think what she did was awesome. But her MIL wears her perfume, buys the same car, wears a wedding gown, sounds to me like mom wants to marry son. Talk about needing therapy. With a majorly large T!!!!
Sadie Lynn 3 years ago
It's called emotional incest, and yes needs serious therapy! Extremely disturbing.
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Wysteria_Rose 3 years ago
These kinds of moms that are so possessive of their sons always gross me out. It's like they really use them as a stand-in spouse and then refuse to let them have their own life. Then they pull stuff like this and get upset when they're set straight/outsmarted.
Elea Bell 3 years ago
Reminds me of the story of a MIL who wore a white bridal gown... to a traditional Indian wedding. She stood out alright; the venue guard initially thought she was in the wrong place.
Kathrin 3 years ago
MIL can be happy that she didn't get uninvited for her s**t. OP did a great job, so NTA! her aunt should google the word bully once more before calling OP one. if there is a bully it's clearly MIL
Phyzzi 3 years ago
I think a lot of accusatory people tend to gravitate to things they themselves have either been accused of or that they have some guilt about. Occasionally they gravitate to things they have overcompensated for because they see someone else in their life as the problem and that thing represents that problem person. Anyway, the aunt is far enough away that the bride should just remember this when considering what happened to make her MIL end up the way she is (like, sister protects other sister because of abusive or neglectful parents). Otherwise, probably best to just never go too deep with that aunt.
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David Beaulieu 3 years ago
Your MIL needs therapy. None of this is normal behavior. She needs to talk this out with a professional. She will thank you eventually, but you need to set boundaries and DO NOT enable this behavior.
Marta Kęska 3 years ago (edited)
I won't EVER get how anyone could dress in a colour/style not-really-suitable for a wedding without bride's and groom's approval (I mean: dress which is black, white or 'too original' in any way). When my beloved only sister was getting married (I was maid of honour but in Poland there are no maids who are supposed to get a specific colour of a dress), I had a hard time finding anything I liked - I really hate shopping and nothing fits me like, ever, I have no sense of style at all and I usually wear black clothes which I knew would look odd in the middle of the summer and didn’t even consider it. Every single dress I tried I sent to her a picture from a changing room so that she would approve - she wanted me to look and feel good in whatever I chose. In the end I bought longer white dress with black dots for the wedding and ultra-mini red dress for the party (which I guess wouldn't be appropriate in the church and even though I'm atheist I didn't want to make people uncomfortable). She agreed to both of them and encouraged me to buy them but STILL! I consulted my mum and aunt too so that I was sure it would really be OK. If any of my girls said the dress is not appropriate - I wouldn't buy it even if I'd have to spend another 5 hours looking for a dress/dresses. It shocks me that ANYONE could wear sth controversial for someone else's wedding out of spite...
Mirt 3 years ago
I'm more concerned for the probable arguments that will happen if her husband continues to act like her "husband". He is going to have to set clear boundaries with his mom a
Aisling Raye 3 years ago
I LOVE THIS! I would have contacted guests and asked them all to wear white as well. Imagine a sea of white with the bride in a blush pink bridal gown and the groom in a light grey suit with a blush vest and crisp white shirt. What a beautiful way to make the bride and groom stand out on their special day while really putting MOTG in her place.
Microwave Chef 3 years ago
I absolutely LOVE how you and husband took care of this problem! Especially when she was bold enough to pick out HER perfect dress during your appointment. It's the perfect twist to an unfortunate situation. NTA OP, Hope you had a wonderful honeymoon minus the MIL.. I'm not worried about your future encounters with her. You obviously have that part under control.
tori Ohno 3 years ago (edited)
So creepy that she wants to copy you. Just, eww. I want my son to see and smell his wife when I see him. Eww. My mother's wedding dress was pink, I don't get the white thing. But his mother! Cut the umbilical cord, and stop trying to compete with his chosen MATE. Can I say EWWW, one more time. Go NC with her if you need to.
Georgina Gonzalez 3 years ago
Bride's solution was brilliant, tbh. I'd love to see some photos.
lone dragon 3 years ago
That bride was ingenious! Way to go! I know her husband is trying to have her back with mixed results. He really should set her straight i.e. no more Valentine's Mom Day. Wtf is that?!
frances morrissey 3 years ago
I hope you plan to settle at least an hour away. So she won’t” just be stopping by”. I’d seriously consider blocking her on your phone.
Evelyn Joshhammer 3 years ago
Needs to be way more than an hour. Trust me. More like a couple states away works.
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Laura Collins 3 years ago
One of the greatest things I've ever heard. Be warned this will continue through your entire marriage. She will continue to try to overstep and just wait until grandbabies come along. Stand your ground.
Martha Vazquez 3 years ago
That was a wise move to invite her to go select your dress, because if you didn’t, she would go behind your back and got a wedding white dress and you would have been the one surprise.
Valerie Pagendarm 3 years ago
MIL needs serious help. Imagine what her life must be like. This bride did something beautiful. It wasn’t mean at all. She was given a chance to shine and didn’t recognize it.
MiriPanda 3 years ago
Why is she asking if AITA if literally everyone is on her side except one single person... Reddit points competition again?
Monday 3 years ago
She probably just feels giddy about the story and wants to tell someone...but everyone she could tell was there and saw it for themselves. AITA definitely wasn't the right sub for it though, she should have gone to petty or pro revenge subs.
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Maxx Holifield 3 years ago (edited)
OP is not the assh*le, MIL is. I think the pink wedding dress and white bridesmaid dresses are a nice, creative touch…and a perfect revenge scheme.
Leah Landry 3 years ago
Brilliant! I feel sorry for you having a mother-in-law like this. I'm very confident that you'll continue to outsmart her selfish behavior in the future, though! I agree with other comments on here that she needs therapy and you may need a restraining order!
Sabrina Iglesia 3 years ago
Love it! NTA... I know all weddings say the focus is on the bride for me the special day is the couple that is getting married not just one person. The MIL needs help big time. Make those boundaries now before the children are born.
Lily Francis 3 years ago
NTA, THIS WAS STELLAR! 😂 I'm still laughing and I'm not a mean person at all but I think she got what she deserved. But I really do think she needs help. Some kind of reality counseling because I don't think she sees what she's doing as wrong and she's clearly exhibiting narcissistic behavior and way out of reality as far as mindset goes. It's almost like she wants to be the OP and that's just creepy and very unhealthy. She needs to find something or someone else to focus on.
LynzCatastrophe 3 years ago
"Whats the problem? I went out of my way to make sure you could wear a dress you were in love with. I don't see why you're so upset."
Craig Reynolds 3 years ago
Although it wasn't mentioned, I think it's pretty obvious why MIL is divorced.
Annika Kremer 2 years ago
That's a bit of a leap. She might have gone off the rails after the divorce (this is definitely not normal, stable behaviour).
Load More Replies... Christine Tafralian 3 years ago
My daughter had a boyfriend who's mother insisted on doing everything with them. Eventually the broke up. Stand your ground. She needs some serious counselling.
Evelyn Haskins 3 years ago
Actually My MIL was l alttle like this, She never appropves of me, always ,when ever she visited asked My DH (aka her son) Ir he had been in touch with "Libby" because she would LOVE to hear from him, etc, etc. She had planned all her life that her son would marry this 'girl'. Then she'd give me lectures on how to be a good wife, as well as queening over me whenever she visited 'Her Son's House'.
Michelle Trousil 3 years ago
Hey, you let her wear what she wanted on "her" big day! LOL. You were perfect in your response. Good for you. And, if you end up having a baby someday, don't invite her to the shower. She is a MIL-ZILLA.
Rose Thorne 3 years ago
Great solution and you didn’t have to make FH give her the sad news she was uninvited to the wedding (AND the honeymoon if she had some delusions she was invited to THAT as well) I haven’t married yet but if I did I would be BLACK: either lacy goth or leather steampunk (and most likely my husband would be in one or both styles as well, though I suppose silk suited and caped vampire would be cool, as well as several Cos-play come to mind as I think about it…🤪 Oh, BTW I’m not a teen, I’m 62 yrs old 😁
Stehedeg Schroder 3 years ago
It wasn't a mistake to allow her to come bridal gown shopping because she revealed her "true" colors and let you know that she was planning to wear white as well. Image how she would have ruined your wedding had you not known what she was about to do???
Gabriel Gawrada 3 years ago (edited)
I don't know what a pikachu face is, but it's not important. The wedding party must have looked very smart and a bride in pink must have made for beautiful photos. Excellent choices all around.
Tura Satana 3 years ago
I feel in northern Europe white wedding dresses are not that super common anymore? Like everyone wants to be special :D so they all pick non-white dresses, varying from off white or very pale pastel, or white with some coloured detailing, to dark red. Maybe my friends are weirdos, but I don't remember when I last time went to a wedding where the bride was in all white.
Alexis Dominey 3 years ago (edited)
It was around 1840 when white wedding dresses became popular fashion because Queen Victoria did it. Before then they were more colorful, society needs to bring it back. I'd rather have a colorful dress, I don't look good in plain white it washes me out. Dark colors compliment me better.
Aura Espinosa 3 years ago
Wow that sounds breath taking and I wish we could see photos. No you're NTA. It's unfortunate your MIL is.
T F 3 years ago
Good luck and God bless you as you embark on your bumpy ride. You seem like you will handle it well though. Serious boundaries must be set up NOW though. For instance, if she insist on vacations, make it a weekend with his mother and your parents. And the Valentines Day date. Make that a hard NO. Your husband can have dinner with her on February 15, which is National Side Chick Day. Lastly if you are called mean names by his mother and aunt don't get angry(that would be hard not to do) just say I'm sorry you feel that way. YANOTTAH!!!
WonderWoman 3 years ago
Sadly this sounds like a doomed marriage, that MIL is going to be nothing but problems unless her husband grows a pair and tells his mother to back off and out.
Lily Francis 3 years ago (edited)
To be fair, he tried but she told them both it was her "time to shine too!" Who in their right mind says that? She wouldn't even listen to her own son.
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Tymeshia King 3 years ago
Let me guess when you jave your first child she will wear a fake belly and push out a cabbage patch kid?
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
More likely she'll just take over as mommy--or try to, anyway. "You're not doing it right." etc. Now that the public spectacle (wedding) is over, it's time to baldly put your collective feet down and say, 'this is as far as you're allowed in our marriage.'
Load More Replies... Seriously?!? 3 years ago
Over 20 years ago I was in a similar situation where I took my mil to a boutique that had all dress selections in white and she wanted to order her dress in white. Fortunately I reminded her that her own wedding dress to her deceased husband was a pale champagne pink so she agreed to that color. You were definitely NOT ta and very cleverly accomodated mil's dress color choice. I don't know why the aunts were complaining. You just followed her lead! Sounds like it was lovely. Hope her scowls and whining didn't ruin your special day! Boundaries from you and the husband will have to be discussed. Weird how the mom is the wanna be wife of an only son. Had similar weird behavior- buying same clothes, query about jewelry that my husband is quick to say is costume. Imitation is flattery. The key to the health of your marriage are the boundaries your husband has to set with your mil. He has to differentiate the role of mom vs wife. Just wait til the babies come. Boundaries!
Marsha Putnam 3 years ago
Sorry, but not all imitation is flattery. MIL’s appear to have an underlying sinister purpose, I.e., trying to replace the bride in her son’s eyes, trying to have more importance than bride…MIL is a sick puppy…👹
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Melissa Buse 3 years ago
You handled it much better than I would have, your wedding day was about you and your husband not her. You're a saint.
Eve Radakir 3 years ago
So NTA but I'm a bit creeped out by the MIL's almost incestuous leanings. She acts like a jealous girlfriend i mean come on lady cut the umbilical cord. Kinda like Elen Barkin with her sons on Animal Kingdom eww
Darian Wiley 3 years ago
I just don't have time for passive aggressive. Would have set MIL down and bluntly asked "Do you want to bang your own son? The way you're acting everyone thinks you want to be his wife. It's creepy. Don't you want your beloved child to have a normal life? Be in love? Have children? How do you expect him to have that when you're acting as if you're his wife? It might be hard for you, but you need to let go of he's going to be able to be happy." Have your husband back you up. This wedding fiasco will not be the end of her meddling in the marriage, she has big issues.
Jose Garcia 3 years ago
Wonder why she is divorced? Ouch. Anyway, congratulations and I loved how you just switched the color scheme and still made yourself happy. Must’ve been a great feeling for yourself. In all honesty that one pink dress over all the white sounds perfectly beautiful rather than all pink and one white. Blessed
Justin Beamon 3 years ago
NGL I would have just said you're not coming to the wedding. Family is not blood, it's WHO you would bleed for. That woman is just a life sucking parasite. Sorry, don't care if it's your mother in law. She's toxic and that couple doesn't need that in their life.
Lory Jones 3 years ago
Young lady, you are damn brilliant! Kudos to you. Love the pink dress idea too!
Ann Sloane 3 years ago
One disturbed and selfish mil. My dil was quite rude about my part of the wedding. She turned out to be a bridezilla . She also turned out to be a vicious dil. I've never done anything but my part of the wedding. I knew to wear beige, keep my mouth shut, and leave my purse open.
Charles Carlies 3 years ago
NTA at all. For the record, the only time a bride is wrong when deciding what to do on her wedding day is when she ignores her husband or puts unnecessary financial burdens on herself or guests. Aside from that, do as you please. To the woman accusing you of being a bully, I'd love to hear how ignoring the person who sold the dress, ignoring her son, ignoring and ignoring you makes makes sense.
Joe massie 3 years ago
I was suprised by how many comments about the dude from women. It was a women that was being toxic not a man ..... i get it u blame men for everything. He was raised by a single mom..... did u want him to kick her out of the wedding? His mother was being a b***h not his child. All he can do is say something and hope that u guys lut s**t aside and think about him. Hes between a rock and a hsrd place
xiao xiao 3 years ago
Yeah, I don't get why so many people think it's easy cutting parents off, or removing them from your special day. She's crazy, but doesn't mean she's a terrible mother, maybe he wants to have her there with him, and that's his right as much as it's his bride's right to not have her day stolen, the wedding is about both of them. That's why I salute the bride for this solution, and him for supporting her.
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Front_Runner 3 years ago
NTA. In fact, it was a masterclass in outwitting a selfish bully. Well done.
Amy G 3 years ago (edited)
MIL really creeped me out. Why is she going all ‘Single White Female’ on OP?? Trying to copy everything she does makes me wonder if she was trying to take the attention of her son away from OP and make him realize he doesn’t need to ‘replace her’. It’s weird and disturbing and she seriously needs therapy. She’s acting like a jilted woman trying to immaturely win back a boyfriend who’s moved on.
SilverSkyCloud 3 years ago
i HIGHLY suggest going no contact, moving, not telling mil where and get restraining order, if op gets pregnant i wouldnt be surprised if mil complains and demands son knocks her up too
Linda Powder 3 years ago (edited)
Nothing like the psycho monster in law. She needs severe therapy and meds.
Jennica Duncan 3 years ago
How disgusting of that mother in-law. What, does she want to marry her son too? Bleh! She had her chance and clearly, her Karen-ly ways ruined that too. Well done on the OP!
AspieGirl88 2 years ago
Funny how MIL was totally gushing over the beautiful white dress she insisted on wearing, all to deliberately outshine her DIL. But then she arrives at the wedding, realises her sick little plan backfired & the bridesmaids/Mother Of The Bride are dressed alike (whilst The Bride is looking SO pretty in pink)?? Wow … suddenly the dress MIL picked for herself isn’t to her satisfaction after all! LOL. The fact that MIL had the nerve to say the wedding day is more about HER than her son & DIL, going on to say “you’re a bridezilla” just for making a reasonable request (which she shouldn’t even need to ask) & then having the rude “aunt” moan because the now married couple didn’t allow MIL to ruin THEIR special day?! That’s entitlement! 🤣
María Hermida 2 years ago
I would have "uninvited" her. My wedding, my rules. If she hates me already because she feels like it, why make the effort of trying to be polite?
Brock Landers 2 years ago
I just don't get some of these posts. Assuming this is true it is hard for me to imagine anyone could be confused as to if they are in the wrong in this situation. Everyone is on your side but your moms sister. Take the hint.
H.marie 2 years ago
People do love drama, dont they? For an inormal wedding i attended some 50-ish years ago, the bride and her attendant each sewed their own dresses of gauzy summer cotton fabric, using the matching empire-waisted patterns. OMG! the Mother in law was HORRIFIED when she saw that: the bride had used very pale green fabric for the underskirt of her dress, and matching pale green ribbon for trim on the dress itself; and it was slightly noticable that the attendant, in her pale aqua high-waisted gown, was "a little bit pregnant. " Oh, the horrors! How scandalous! A bride not wearing pure virginal white on her wedding day, and a clearly NON-virginal attendant! (Yep. Also learned later on that the MIL herself openly acknowledged that SHE had been "experienced" with her husband prior to her marriage, and had worn an ordinary formal dress (not-white) for her own wedding several decades earlier.
Janet Howe 2 years ago
NTA. Mom is a fruit loop. She needs therapy. She's missing a husband and expecting her son to fill in. She obviously wanted to be the center of attention at the wedding. I love the bride's shift in plans. Son needs to step up to the plate and have an honest talk with mom. He needs to tell her how inappropriate her actions have been, and continue to be. Her actions around the wedding were way off base. Not normal for son to make up for a missing husband. Mom may have some mental problems and needs to face them. She will definitely ruin the marriage if she doesn't get help.
Jon Steensen 2 years ago
Sounds like she is dealing with a true narcisist. So I predict that she will run into a lot of trouble down the road, probably so much that it could ruin their relationship. Narcisists don't like people pushing back like that, however justified such a move might have been, and do not have enough empathy to grasp why it was done. So the mother in law is probably already planning her revence. You cannot reason with them, and whatever logic you apply, they will almost always interpret it as an attack and an invitation to let the war beging. The only thing you can do is to freeze them out, but doing that while still keeping the husband can be a really tought task. Poor woman.
Annika Kremer 2 years ago
This was really clever and creative, well done and very much NTA. Also, that pink dress is gorgeous.
Abigail Cohen 2 years ago (edited)
Reposting What the heck!? Why would she think it's her day. Weddings are for the couple. Why would she need to feel special and wear a WEDDING DRESS to a wedding. that's so rude. She's insane. She isn't getting married. Etc…I’m not married or in any relationship but Jesus she needs help.
Abigail Cohen 2 years ago
This mom is possessive and sounds mentally unstable or at least something along those lines. Keep her out of your life
Abigail Cohen 2 years ago
What the heck!? Weddings are the couples day not the MIL's. Why would she need to feel special or that it's her day? And wearing a WEDDING DRESS to a wedding is so rude. I'm not married not am dating but Jesus that woman is a piece of work
weatherwitch 2 years ago
Well played! As long as the bride was happy with her pink dress, that's the important thing. My wedding dress was black with white back in the 90s, I can't stand floofy poofy dresses so was perfect for me 😊
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
My mother wore a black-and-red backless, sleeveless, full-length and circle ball gown as her wedding dress, because she had it. She didn't have the money to go out and buy a special dress.
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Doodles1983 2 years ago
NTA. Nexcuses or apologies or reasons needed. But I hope husband stands up to his mum more or the marriage won’t last.
Ash Conner 2 years ago
She MIL definitely needs to get consulting. I am not making fun of mental health to go out to say mean things. The wife handled this very classy. She had her brides maids and her mom all ware white. So, now it looks planed as the MIL walks in with white. The wife didn't humiliate her in anyway. This actually sounds like a great idea. Pink dress with white dresses. I love it. If I were to get married I think I would use this.
Unslaadahsil 3 years ago
I find it funny that this obsession with white dressed for brides exists when the origin of the white dress (at least in countries of Christian culture) it supposed to represent the purity of the virgin bride, and if you're not a virgin on your wedding day you're not supposed to wear it. Extra funny connection to the story? I don't know the bride, maybe she was a virgin, maybe not. Do you know who we know 100% wasn't a virgin? the MIL, seeing how she was, you know, a mother. okay, so maybe it wasn't funny for you. I'm laughing though :P
Adam Kaney 3 years ago
The MIL needs a good talking to from her son and definitely some therapy. Here’s the signs I gathered that indicated her need for help. She is treating her son like a stand in husband imo. (Him not doing anything to stop this only feeds these toxic ideas, I’m guessing.) When he finally finds a marriage worthy gf, his mom started copying her (to feel like she was still his “wife”, I guess?) This subconscious need to copy her son’s fiancé in order to feel like she was still a part of his marital life was what led to the ordeal with the dress.
Pamela Blue 3 years ago (edited)
Hubby needs to sit his mother down and tell her to "knock it off" or they'll have to go No Contact. And if she doesn't believe you - do it. This woman needs psychiatric help, but you two aren't the ones to give it, so keep her out of your lives until she learns that she isn't the center of your universe. Otherwise, if you have any children, she'll be a dangerous person to have around!
MidwestAngst 3 years ago
The weirdest part is that the MIL is attempting to copy and become the DIL in almost every way. That woman needs some help.
Candice Cook 3 years ago
What is wrong with these people!? I guess these brides are just much nicer people than I am bc I'd never let that fly. She could either wear something else or keep her @ s$ at home. These women that obsess over their sons like they are their long lost lover instead of their child just give me the creeps. What planet are they living on where that's even remotely acceptable? Cut the cord already, Mommy Dearest... He's got a whole wife now.
ADHD McChick 3 years ago (edited)
Seems to me that the MIL was bullying the OP. Constantly. Not the other way around. The Aunt is either an idiot, or as mentally ill as the MIL (maybe both), if she can't see what the MIL tried to do, and thinks the MIL was in the right. Claiming her SON'S wedding is HER special day?? That one commenter was right. It's NOT. It's his and OP's special day. She had her own, years ago, when she married OP's dad. And even if she never got the day of her dreams, tough luck. THEIR day is STILL not hers. And husband is gonna have to stop trying to "reason" with his Mommy (cause those types don't listen to reason), grow a pair, and get VERY firm with her. Or else this relationship will NOT last. Also, what is up with the "Single White Female" behavior of the MIL?? Wearing the same perfume, buying the same car? Is she trying to show her baby boy she can do all the things he likes about his wife, better than her, so he'll come back to Mommy? I don't get it. Whatever the reason, that shít is MAJOR-LEAGUE creepy. MIL needs help. Like, serious help. I'd go NC. Even if the husband doesn't. Fúck that shít.
LisaAntoinette Johnson 3 years ago
I can’t believe that the MIL tried to make the wedding about her. I think she was so upset about how her own marriage had ended that she thought she deserved a do-over. That’s something she should’ve confronted her ex-husband and a therapist with and not her only child’s wedding.
Mare Freed 3 years ago
High five, bride OP! You turned the tables on her and got a beautiful wedding out of it!
Erin Gorski 3 years ago
Sounds like future Husband needs family therapy on disciplining his mother. Whats he going to do when his mom is 100 and he can't tell her no!
Sonquista Daniels 3 years ago
Sooooo....MIL is committing emotional incest and everyone is appeasing her except the Bride because she is clearly the only sane person in this scenario. Got it.
Fred Jacobson 3 years ago
MIL NEEDS A HAND GRENADE UP THE BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE!
Bob Beideck 3 years ago
NTA, it’s supposed to be your day. However, in a way if the MIL doesn’t have a daughter it’s her special day too but she completely misunderstood what that means. (Asking is one thing, but doing is another. Did she get deprived of her wedding? It doesn’t change her childish actions.)
Laverne Robinson 3 years ago
You did her right. It was your wedding not hers. Tell the aunts to p**s off. That is the problem. They baby her. l
Nancy Lynch 3 years ago
No bride wore white at their wedding until Queen Victoria chose that color for her dress. After that, all brides wanted to be in white just like Queen Victoria. Nowhere is it written that a bride has to wear white. It's just traditional.
Evelyn Haskins 3 years ago
Wonderful!!! Actually white for wedding stated with Queens Victoria, Why not a beautiful colour?? Other cultures do it,
Neir Lucan 3 years ago
That MIL is someone who would poison her own son to make him need her. Never let the grandkids near her unsupervised
Tracy Rieon Hall 3 years ago
Op genius move. I would've told her from the beginning that this was my special day and either she could respect my wishes or deal with not being there period! People like this always end up bitter and alone. Nope couldn't be me either respect my wishes or deal with the consequences of your actions. Trust me dealing with me you will learn to respect and listen to what I ask especially if I'm asking very nice and being extra respectful.
Miranda Daugherty 3 years ago
I think Norman Bates wants his mom back, I'd like to see Dr Phil rip this Monster In Law a new one.
Roy F Rodriguez 3 years ago
I think the MIL is the a*****e in this case. How any mother would choose to outshine her son’s new bride, is beyond belief. The son should grow some balls, he is marrying his woman, not his Mom! Very well done, a great way to put her MIL in her place.
Leanne Weaver 3 years ago
You are allowed to do what you want for your wedding day, you need to be respected as a bride. My oldest daughter wore a white dress with a pink Triangle panel down the skirt and train, she looked stunning, I wore a cream lacey long dress (long due to scares on leg from an accident), but I also had my daughter's input into color and style, in order to make sure she was center of her day.
Helen Morton 3 years ago
I heard somewhere that Queen Victoria started the white wedding dress custom; that the wedding dress was traditionally red. Don't know if that's true. I also heard a white dress is not a requirement.
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
Traditionally, it was either the best dress you owned, or, if you had enough money, your parents had a new dress made--in a color you liked---and THAT became your new best dress. Red was the traditional color in China; they buried their dead in white.
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Sabrina Brotherton 3 years ago
NTA! MIL is! And she's a total control freak and NARCISSIST. A couple's wedding day is THEIR special day. Did the MIL have a MIL do this for her wedding or did she come up with this on her own? Just messed up
Crispy Toast 3 years ago
White for a wedding dress is overrated, and mostly Western culture anyway. That being said, I would have paid money to watch that face turn red! Get some therapy, lady!
Stacey Wawrowski 3 years ago
MIL has some seriously dysfunctional attachment issues. Your husband has to put her her place ASAP or the nonsense will only get worse. What she tried to do on YOUR special day is total BS. I applaud your solution. NTA
Diane Knight 3 years ago
The 'bully' title is an example of 'it takes one to know one'. Anyone knows that the bride is the one in white, if you're the guest it might be looked at as a fou paux, however, a person closer to the wedding party, would be downright AH. I've heard that at a 'surprise' wedding , a close person wore a white cocktail dress and felt rather foolish, but what do you do if it's spung on you? Especially if the event is far from home and you can't just 'pop' home for a quick change? This mom could have 'changed' her mind and gone in a different direction and looked fine, and like the 'normal one' and the bride's mom would have been looked upon as a pinch nuts. MIL did this to herself, has only herself to blame. (just as mob would have had mil gone with a stylish dress.) MoB certainly should have had a typical dress for the event, not another white dress too.
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
MOB was honoring her daughter's request. I doubt she had originally had any intention of wearing white.
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Paula Wynn 3 years ago
NTA! You're SO much nicer than I am. I would've had a friend waiting at the door with a HUGE glass of red wine to spill all over her white dress. OOPS!!! Or I would've told her the wedding was the week AFTER the actual date. Let her show up to the venue a week late in her white dress during Manny Leibowitz's bar mitzva!
BeBe Busby-Rhinehart 3 years ago
Girl....your are one of my "Tribe"....soooooo NTA!! Might need a discussion with the Hubs about getting that cord cut....waaaaay past time!!
Rosemary Paul 3 years ago
I've seen brides wear Blush pink. She was beautiful! Her 8 girls wore shades ranging from light pink to flamingo and her flower girl wore Rose Pink with the ring bearer had a rose pink bow tie & cummerbund. We've been to a wedding this past Spring where the bride wore a mermaid black gown that had a lot of suntan illusion netting at the neck including the long sleeves & it had this swirl of lace running fully from the left shoulder w/tendrils running over to her right. She had a deep plunge in the back and bust with the suntan color showing. She was thrilled to tell every one that she bought it at Bridals by Lori in Atlanta. That's the place they do a show "SYTTD". Her girls wore gowns in the suntan color which, to me, seemed weird. A bride can wear whatever color she wants! BUT! The M-I-L was out of line with her demand of white. Neither of my M-I-L's went gown shopping with me. No one saw either of my gowns but my mom, my sister & a niece. That M-I-L needs therapy.
Randy Perez 3 years ago
Yes y'all did bully her... And she deserved it. She won't learn her lesson and she'll be just as annoying. I hope OP has the patience and tact to deal with that damaged woman.
Julian Scherner 3 years ago
Can't help but wonder what the MIL wil do once that wife decides to get pregnant... I'm beginning to see pictures here folks!!!
MimSorensson 3 years ago (edited)
Hm. I think we’re seeing a bigger problem take form. Emotional incest is real and quite damaging. Some serious steps are going to have to be taken here I think.
Ricky Namara 3 years ago
I feel like this is the first half of a RomCom starring Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda and some male arm candy we don't give two shits about.
Jessica smith 3 years ago
No absolutely not she asked for it you told her no she did it anyway you are amazing you o girl
Jessica smith 3 years ago
You go girl your husband said no to her next time don't play stupid games and you won't win stupid prizes otherwise known as f*** around and find out
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Colleen Vincent 3 years ago
I suggest telling her exactly how you feel, with your husband present also. Otherwise you are going to have to always outsmart her while she is around, and that is exhausting. No more mind games.
A B C the Third 3 years ago
Oh so we're back to the usual, pre-answered AITA. Oh BP, y u do dis?
Phyzzi 3 years ago
No, this is almost certainly Narcissistic Personality Disorder and she (MIL) likely has a history of trama and/or abuse/neglect. Therapy would help but life is probably just going to be hard for her. It isn't really about intelligence or "mental development" in the broad sense though.
Load More Replies... hereforthecatpics 2 years ago
Idk this is really weird. Sounds like a form of child abuse where the parent treats their kid like a romantic partner rather than a child…. Really, really weird
Lemon_squeezy 2 years ago
It's all fun and games, but does no one se question why husband has done nothing about his sick mother's treatment not just towards himself, but his now wife? Someone like that that can't be on your side against your emotionally incestuous mother may just be a problem in the future. Also, you can tell what a nice person op is by the fact that she chose to invite her anyways, despite the fact that she could have simply not invited her. The dress trick mil tried to pull is certainly a great enough excuse. (Assuming this is a real story, I saw one just like this but instead, bride made a her bridesmaids wear red to cancel out her jealous cousin thinking wearing red would let everyone know she slept with the groom (one time hook up before groom met op in that story).
LayDiva in the Zone 2 years ago
Why would you even marry a man who lets his mother walk over you? If she would've brought the same car and perfume as me, I would've let him go. I don't have crazy mothers to do on any given day.
Zane Baker 2 years ago
Maybe just be direct and ask her why she wants to have sex with her own son, because thats definitely what it sounds like.
Susie Smith 3 years ago
Smart and innovative bride. What the H--- is wrong with mama's boy hubby that he didn't stand up for his wife-to-be??? And she plans to have kids with this guy?!? weddings are difficult and challenging times and events. While being all wrapped up in the doings and pardoning bad stuff they should NOT be ignluring, these issues rshide huge flags to RETHINK the whole thing. MIL is crude and rude. I think the way this bride handled it was genius.POOR MIL met her match. BUT the relationship is doomed for this marriage to work without daily trauma and abuse unless bride sees beyond the now and starts understanding this MIL doesn't wwant her around. Think hard and clear BEFORE you get pregnant. You DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO BRING A CHILD INTO THIS MARRIAGE WITHOUT MAKING CERTAIN MIL AND HUBBY BOTH GROW UP. GO to JOINT THERAPY to start and then your own. You need it.
Claire Hoefler 3 years ago
The fact that she did this shows you she wants her son to be here husband bc she is treating him as such. You are not the jerk. But frankly anf I think for your mental health you need to ask hubby if he can't get this mom to apologize you need to both go NC so that she will see you guys aren't playing. And when she apologizes it needs to be sincere. If she can't do that go NC. That will either force her to look at her actions or she will be so mad at NC she will keep it going. Either a win win. You are not the jerk. Your hubby will be if he doesn't put an end to this c**p though. And the aunt on my called you out probably BC the mom told her to. You are nta and got nc if not apologies are made. Wither way it will force mil to look at her actions.
daliya shohat 3 years ago (edited)
NTA. My MIL tried to control everything and choose everything for my wedding. I was lucky that she approved my slightly off white dress that I wanted. She took so much control, that the congratulations cards on each table were to her and my FIL. LOL!
Michael Cho 3 years ago
She should take this as a warning sign. Never should have married him. This doesn't end here. Wait until the MIL starts to get jealous during the marriage. I would never marry someone who can't control his or her own mother. I hope things work out but bad news from the beginning.
Cara G 3 years ago
Wait. Everyone is siding with the bride except for ONE aunt (about whom she gives no background or detail so how important is this person?) and needs to post on reddit for a consensus? She already had a consensus. I'm not going to say that I didn't enjoy the story, because it was sinfully funny, but it feels like this woman just wanted to brag about her spoils. She definitely deserves bragging rights but not under the guise of AITA on reddit. She already knows the answer. This loses some luster because of how it was presented.
Lee 3 years ago (edited)
Oh my lord, just BOAST OUTWARDLY about how you got the better of MIL. You know for a fact you were not doing anything wrong. I wish these humble bragging AITA posts were clearly labeled as AITA posts. I avoid those religiously when they aren't hidden under actually interesting headings.
Christof Irran 3 years ago
There is really no rule that says the bride should wear white, or that no one else in the wedding party should be allowed to wear white if the bride is wearing white. It's merely a (no longer necessary) tradition that seems to have established itself during and after WWII. There was a relative abundance of white parachute silk in France, and French brides started to have wedding gowns made from that material that came from the shy, came from shot down pilots (both allieds and Germans). If the MIL didn't have the funds to purchase high quality material for her gown, why shouldn't she be allowed to use (white) parachute silk too?
Marta Kęska 3 years ago
But... there is no WWII anymore and MIL could easily buy any other dress. She did it out of spite.
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Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
The MIL needs a lot of therapy. Also, a sense of humor. And, y'know, a restraining order maybe.
Bobbi McGough Robert 3 years ago
Definitely get the restraining order first!
Load More Replies... smugdruggler 3 years ago
OP s a genius. Love this, and would really love to see MIL's surprised Pikachu face lol.
June 3 years ago
This is absolutely LEGENDARY. OP is a legend. Unique wedding on so many levels, I would love to see pics (sounds beautiful and hilarious at the same time with MIL's face 😂)
Load More Replies... DuchessDegu 3 years ago
I'd wear a firetruck red dress just to stand out like a flippin beacon! MIL can do one!
Monday 3 years ago
Well since most women look absolutely fabulous in red that's not a bad idea for a wedding.
Load More Replies... Memere 3 years ago (edited)
This is some disturbingly sick emotional incest from the MIL! If OP truly wants her marriage to last, there needs to be some rock solid boundaries set, and MIL needs intense therapy, or a partner of her own!
Patricia O'Rourke 3 years ago
I was thinking the same - all the imitation of the OP, wanting to go on holidays with them - sounds like she thinks the only woman good enough to marry him is her! This is one sick mother.
Load More Replies... Steve 3 years ago
BRIDE spreading FAKE NEWS!!! This day was YUUGE for MIl, and made the BIGGLIEST effort to let BRIDE PARTICIPATE!!! I DEMAND a judge declare this A FAKE WEDDING and that the MIL is REAL BRIDE. She would be MOST STABLE GENIUS MOM-WIFE in HISTORY!!!
Disgruntled Pelican 3 years ago
Thank you for the laugh! The MIL was definitely giving DJT vibes! 😂
Load More Replies... Casey McAlister 3 years ago
That's a great idea to put her on her place, Also kudos for wearing pink for your wedding, I always thought that white is just too boring for a wedding.
Pirates of Zen Pants 3 years ago
I love this! The bride didn't take away her shine. MIL had no shine to begin with. MIL is confusing shine with malignant narcissism.
Honu 3 years ago
Yes. If anything, the bride saved her from humiliating herself in front of everyone. I don't care if the white dress looked absolutely stunning on her. Everyone looking at her trying to outshine the bride would just see, as you say, malignant narcissism. She would've looked pathetic and unhinged. Switching up all the maids to white made her look normal and saved her from widespread derision. She'll never see it that way, of course, but at least it saved the bride and groom from having everyone's memory of their wedding day being his crazy mom.
Load More Replies... Inclusion2020 3 years ago
Honestly I stopped reading after the part where she explained how awful the ML is….. the husband needs to set boundaries…. And he may need therapy in order to feel okay in doing that. I’m in a similar situation with my mom. However, there is a ton of trauma surrounding my relationship with my mom and it has taken serious therapy to be able to set boundaries. But. Regardless. The mom is dumping her issues on the son and his wife. It’s so painful as a child to have to parent the parent… but it’s the moms responsibility to go to therapy and fix her issues and the sons responsibility to set bou dairies to preorder himself and his new family.
Phyzzi 3 years ago
Yeah, the bride won the battle but is well on ger way to loosing the war if she thinks this problem might fix itself. Basically everyone involved needs therapy and to immediately set very firm boundaries. Bride also needs to sit down for a long talk with the FIL and figure out his side of things and what he knows about the MIL's parents, and exactly how he saw the manifesting of what is very likely a personality disorder... and also sus out what is up with him.
Load More Replies... Squirrelly Panda 3 years ago
For those saying the husband needs to set boundaries, how do we know they haven't been set? Is the husband supposed to stop MIL from buying perfume? a car? We don't know if the husband's reaction was to disinvite her or not. What we know is the couple came up with a gracious way to have MIL present without upstaging the bride. Husband kept the colors secret. He had his wife's back. I love it when people can politely and graciously put rude people in their place.
xiao xiao 3 years ago
Other commenters said that he should've said soemthing like "you'll be asked to leave the wedding if you wear this dress" but idk. The mum sounds crazy but she's still his mother, her not being good to his future wife doesn't mean she's a bad mother to him, she has a right to be there at his wedding, I don't think saying that is the right thing to do. I actually think whatt the bride did is the best solution anyone can have for this situation, and the fact that he supported her is good indication that be realises how his mother is. I agree with not including her to their private life in the future, but not the wedding, I guess I think this way because in my culture weddings aren't just for the couple but for the families too.
Load More Replies... Candice Blanton 3 years ago
I think what she did was awesome. But her MIL wears her perfume, buys the same car, wears a wedding gown, sounds to me like mom wants to marry son. Talk about needing therapy. With a majorly large T!!!!
Sadie Lynn 3 years ago
It's called emotional incest, and yes needs serious therapy! Extremely disturbing.
Load More Replies... Wysteria_Rose 3 years ago
These kinds of moms that are so possessive of their sons always gross me out. It's like they really use them as a stand-in spouse and then refuse to let them have their own life. Then they pull stuff like this and get upset when they're set straight/outsmarted.
Elea Bell 3 years ago
Reminds me of the story of a MIL who wore a white bridal gown... to a traditional Indian wedding. She stood out alright; the venue guard initially thought she was in the wrong place.
Kathrin 3 years ago
MIL can be happy that she didn't get uninvited for her s**t. OP did a great job, so NTA! her aunt should google the word bully once more before calling OP one. if there is a bully it's clearly MIL
Phyzzi 3 years ago
I think a lot of accusatory people tend to gravitate to things they themselves have either been accused of or that they have some guilt about. Occasionally they gravitate to things they have overcompensated for because they see someone else in their life as the problem and that thing represents that problem person. Anyway, the aunt is far enough away that the bride should just remember this when considering what happened to make her MIL end up the way she is (like, sister protects other sister because of abusive or neglectful parents). Otherwise, probably best to just never go too deep with that aunt.
Load More Replies... David Beaulieu 3 years ago
Your MIL needs therapy. None of this is normal behavior. She needs to talk this out with a professional. She will thank you eventually, but you need to set boundaries and DO NOT enable this behavior.
Marta Kęska 3 years ago (edited)
I won't EVER get how anyone could dress in a colour/style not-really-suitable for a wedding without bride's and groom's approval (I mean: dress which is black, white or 'too original' in any way). When my beloved only sister was getting married (I was maid of honour but in Poland there are no maids who are supposed to get a specific colour of a dress), I had a hard time finding anything I liked - I really hate shopping and nothing fits me like, ever, I have no sense of style at all and I usually wear black clothes which I knew would look odd in the middle of the summer and didn’t even consider it. Every single dress I tried I sent to her a picture from a changing room so that she would approve - she wanted me to look and feel good in whatever I chose. In the end I bought longer white dress with black dots for the wedding and ultra-mini red dress for the party (which I guess wouldn't be appropriate in the church and even though I'm atheist I didn't want to make people uncomfortable). She agreed to both of them and encouraged me to buy them but STILL! I consulted my mum and aunt too so that I was sure it would really be OK. If any of my girls said the dress is not appropriate - I wouldn't buy it even if I'd have to spend another 5 hours looking for a dress/dresses. It shocks me that ANYONE could wear sth controversial for someone else's wedding out of spite...
Mirt 3 years ago
I'm more concerned for the probable arguments that will happen if her husband continues to act like her "husband". He is going to have to set clear boundaries with his mom a
Aisling Raye 3 years ago
I LOVE THIS! I would have contacted guests and asked them all to wear white as well. Imagine a sea of white with the bride in a blush pink bridal gown and the groom in a light grey suit with a blush vest and crisp white shirt. What a beautiful way to make the bride and groom stand out on their special day while really putting MOTG in her place.
Microwave Chef 3 years ago
I absolutely LOVE how you and husband took care of this problem! Especially when she was bold enough to pick out HER perfect dress during your appointment. It's the perfect twist to an unfortunate situation. NTA OP, Hope you had a wonderful honeymoon minus the MIL.. I'm not worried about your future encounters with her. You obviously have that part under control.
tori Ohno 3 years ago (edited)
So creepy that she wants to copy you. Just, eww. I want my son to see and smell his wife when I see him. Eww. My mother's wedding dress was pink, I don't get the white thing. But his mother! Cut the umbilical cord, and stop trying to compete with his chosen MATE. Can I say EWWW, one more time. Go NC with her if you need to.
Georgina Gonzalez 3 years ago
Bride's solution was brilliant, tbh. I'd love to see some photos.
lone dragon 3 years ago
That bride was ingenious! Way to go! I know her husband is trying to have her back with mixed results. He really should set her straight i.e. no more Valentine's Mom Day. Wtf is that?!
frances morrissey 3 years ago
I hope you plan to settle at least an hour away. So she won’t” just be stopping by”. I’d seriously consider blocking her on your phone.
Evelyn Joshhammer 3 years ago
Needs to be way more than an hour. Trust me. More like a couple states away works.
Load More Replies... Laura Collins 3 years ago
One of the greatest things I've ever heard. Be warned this will continue through your entire marriage. She will continue to try to overstep and just wait until grandbabies come along. Stand your ground.
Martha Vazquez 3 years ago
That was a wise move to invite her to go select your dress, because if you didn’t, she would go behind your back and got a wedding white dress and you would have been the one surprise.
Valerie Pagendarm 3 years ago
MIL needs serious help. Imagine what her life must be like. This bride did something beautiful. It wasn’t mean at all. She was given a chance to shine and didn’t recognize it.
MiriPanda 3 years ago
Why is she asking if AITA if literally everyone is on her side except one single person... Reddit points competition again?
Monday 3 years ago
She probably just feels giddy about the story and wants to tell someone...but everyone she could tell was there and saw it for themselves. AITA definitely wasn't the right sub for it though, she should have gone to petty or pro revenge subs.
Load More Replies... Maxx Holifield 3 years ago (edited)
OP is not the assh*le, MIL is. I think the pink wedding dress and white bridesmaid dresses are a nice, creative touch…and a perfect revenge scheme.
Leah Landry 3 years ago
Brilliant! I feel sorry for you having a mother-in-law like this. I'm very confident that you'll continue to outsmart her selfish behavior in the future, though! I agree with other comments on here that she needs therapy and you may need a restraining order!
Sabrina Iglesia 3 years ago
Love it! NTA... I know all weddings say the focus is on the bride for me the special day is the couple that is getting married not just one person. The MIL needs help big time. Make those boundaries now before the children are born.
Lily Francis 3 years ago
NTA, THIS WAS STELLAR! 😂 I'm still laughing and I'm not a mean person at all but I think she got what she deserved. But I really do think she needs help. Some kind of reality counseling because I don't think she sees what she's doing as wrong and she's clearly exhibiting narcissistic behavior and way out of reality as far as mindset goes. It's almost like she wants to be the OP and that's just creepy and very unhealthy. She needs to find something or someone else to focus on.
LynzCatastrophe 3 years ago
"Whats the problem? I went out of my way to make sure you could wear a dress you were in love with. I don't see why you're so upset."
Craig Reynolds 3 years ago
Although it wasn't mentioned, I think it's pretty obvious why MIL is divorced.
Annika Kremer 2 years ago
That's a bit of a leap. She might have gone off the rails after the divorce (this is definitely not normal, stable behaviour).
Load More Replies... Christine Tafralian 3 years ago
My daughter had a boyfriend who's mother insisted on doing everything with them. Eventually the broke up. Stand your ground. She needs some serious counselling.
Evelyn Haskins 3 years ago
Actually My MIL was l alttle like this, She never appropves of me, always ,when ever she visited asked My DH (aka her son) Ir he had been in touch with "Libby" because she would LOVE to hear from him, etc, etc. She had planned all her life that her son would marry this 'girl'. Then she'd give me lectures on how to be a good wife, as well as queening over me whenever she visited 'Her Son's House'.
Michelle Trousil 3 years ago
Hey, you let her wear what she wanted on "her" big day! LOL. You were perfect in your response. Good for you. And, if you end up having a baby someday, don't invite her to the shower. She is a MIL-ZILLA.
Rose Thorne 3 years ago
Great solution and you didn’t have to make FH give her the sad news she was uninvited to the wedding (AND the honeymoon if she had some delusions she was invited to THAT as well) I haven’t married yet but if I did I would be BLACK: either lacy goth or leather steampunk (and most likely my husband would be in one or both styles as well, though I suppose silk suited and caped vampire would be cool, as well as several Cos-play come to mind as I think about it…🤪 Oh, BTW I’m not a teen, I’m 62 yrs old 😁
Stehedeg Schroder 3 years ago
It wasn't a mistake to allow her to come bridal gown shopping because she revealed her "true" colors and let you know that she was planning to wear white as well. Image how she would have ruined your wedding had you not known what she was about to do???
Gabriel Gawrada 3 years ago (edited)
I don't know what a pikachu face is, but it's not important. The wedding party must have looked very smart and a bride in pink must have made for beautiful photos. Excellent choices all around.
Tura Satana 3 years ago
I feel in northern Europe white wedding dresses are not that super common anymore? Like everyone wants to be special :D so they all pick non-white dresses, varying from off white or very pale pastel, or white with some coloured detailing, to dark red. Maybe my friends are weirdos, but I don't remember when I last time went to a wedding where the bride was in all white.
Alexis Dominey 3 years ago (edited)
It was around 1840 when white wedding dresses became popular fashion because Queen Victoria did it. Before then they were more colorful, society needs to bring it back. I'd rather have a colorful dress, I don't look good in plain white it washes me out. Dark colors compliment me better.
Aura Espinosa 3 years ago
Wow that sounds breath taking and I wish we could see photos. No you're NTA. It's unfortunate your MIL is.
T F 3 years ago
Good luck and God bless you as you embark on your bumpy ride. You seem like you will handle it well though. Serious boundaries must be set up NOW though. For instance, if she insist on vacations, make it a weekend with his mother and your parents. And the Valentines Day date. Make that a hard NO. Your husband can have dinner with her on February 15, which is National Side Chick Day. Lastly if you are called mean names by his mother and aunt don't get angry(that would be hard not to do) just say I'm sorry you feel that way. YANOTTAH!!!
WonderWoman 3 years ago
Sadly this sounds like a doomed marriage, that MIL is going to be nothing but problems unless her husband grows a pair and tells his mother to back off and out.
Lily Francis 3 years ago (edited)
To be fair, he tried but she told them both it was her "time to shine too!" Who in their right mind says that? She wouldn't even listen to her own son.
Load More Replies... Tymeshia King 3 years ago
Let me guess when you jave your first child she will wear a fake belly and push out a cabbage patch kid?
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
More likely she'll just take over as mommy--or try to, anyway. "You're not doing it right." etc. Now that the public spectacle (wedding) is over, it's time to baldly put your collective feet down and say, 'this is as far as you're allowed in our marriage.'
Load More Replies... Seriously?!? 3 years ago
Over 20 years ago I was in a similar situation where I took my mil to a boutique that had all dress selections in white and she wanted to order her dress in white. Fortunately I reminded her that her own wedding dress to her deceased husband was a pale champagne pink so she agreed to that color. You were definitely NOT ta and very cleverly accomodated mil's dress color choice. I don't know why the aunts were complaining. You just followed her lead! Sounds like it was lovely. Hope her scowls and whining didn't ruin your special day! Boundaries from you and the husband will have to be discussed. Weird how the mom is the wanna be wife of an only son. Had similar weird behavior- buying same clothes, query about jewelry that my husband is quick to say is costume. Imitation is flattery. The key to the health of your marriage are the boundaries your husband has to set with your mil. He has to differentiate the role of mom vs wife. Just wait til the babies come. Boundaries!
Marsha Putnam 3 years ago
Sorry, but not all imitation is flattery. MIL’s appear to have an underlying sinister purpose, I.e., trying to replace the bride in her son’s eyes, trying to have more importance than bride…MIL is a sick puppy…👹
Load More Replies... Melissa Buse 3 years ago
You handled it much better than I would have, your wedding day was about you and your husband not her. You're a saint.
Eve Radakir 3 years ago
So NTA but I'm a bit creeped out by the MIL's almost incestuous leanings. She acts like a jealous girlfriend i mean come on lady cut the umbilical cord. Kinda like Elen Barkin with her sons on Animal Kingdom eww
Darian Wiley 3 years ago
I just don't have time for passive aggressive. Would have set MIL down and bluntly asked "Do you want to bang your own son? The way you're acting everyone thinks you want to be his wife. It's creepy. Don't you want your beloved child to have a normal life? Be in love? Have children? How do you expect him to have that when you're acting as if you're his wife? It might be hard for you, but you need to let go of he's going to be able to be happy." Have your husband back you up. This wedding fiasco will not be the end of her meddling in the marriage, she has big issues.
Jose Garcia 3 years ago
Wonder why she is divorced? Ouch. Anyway, congratulations and I loved how you just switched the color scheme and still made yourself happy. Must’ve been a great feeling for yourself. In all honesty that one pink dress over all the white sounds perfectly beautiful rather than all pink and one white. Blessed
Justin Beamon 3 years ago
NGL I would have just said you're not coming to the wedding. Family is not blood, it's WHO you would bleed for. That woman is just a life sucking parasite. Sorry, don't care if it's your mother in law. She's toxic and that couple doesn't need that in their life.
Lory Jones 3 years ago
Young lady, you are damn brilliant! Kudos to you. Love the pink dress idea too!
Ann Sloane 3 years ago
One disturbed and selfish mil. My dil was quite rude about my part of the wedding. She turned out to be a bridezilla . She also turned out to be a vicious dil. I've never done anything but my part of the wedding. I knew to wear beige, keep my mouth shut, and leave my purse open.
Charles Carlies 3 years ago
NTA at all. For the record, the only time a bride is wrong when deciding what to do on her wedding day is when she ignores her husband or puts unnecessary financial burdens on herself or guests. Aside from that, do as you please. To the woman accusing you of being a bully, I'd love to hear how ignoring the person who sold the dress, ignoring her son, ignoring and ignoring you makes makes sense.
Joe massie 3 years ago
I was suprised by how many comments about the dude from women. It was a women that was being toxic not a man ..... i get it u blame men for everything. He was raised by a single mom..... did u want him to kick her out of the wedding? His mother was being a b***h not his child. All he can do is say something and hope that u guys lut s**t aside and think about him. Hes between a rock and a hsrd place
xiao xiao 3 years ago
Yeah, I don't get why so many people think it's easy cutting parents off, or removing them from your special day. She's crazy, but doesn't mean she's a terrible mother, maybe he wants to have her there with him, and that's his right as much as it's his bride's right to not have her day stolen, the wedding is about both of them. That's why I salute the bride for this solution, and him for supporting her.
Load More Replies... Front_Runner 3 years ago
NTA. In fact, it was a masterclass in outwitting a selfish bully. Well done.
Amy G 3 years ago (edited)
MIL really creeped me out. Why is she going all ‘Single White Female’ on OP?? Trying to copy everything she does makes me wonder if she was trying to take the attention of her son away from OP and make him realize he doesn’t need to ‘replace her’. It’s weird and disturbing and she seriously needs therapy. She’s acting like a jilted woman trying to immaturely win back a boyfriend who’s moved on.
SilverSkyCloud 3 years ago
i HIGHLY suggest going no contact, moving, not telling mil where and get restraining order, if op gets pregnant i wouldnt be surprised if mil complains and demands son knocks her up too
Linda Powder 3 years ago (edited)
Nothing like the psycho monster in law. She needs severe therapy and meds.
Jennica Duncan 3 years ago
How disgusting of that mother in-law. What, does she want to marry her son too? Bleh! She had her chance and clearly, her Karen-ly ways ruined that too. Well done on the OP!
AspieGirl88 2 years ago
Funny how MIL was totally gushing over the beautiful white dress she insisted on wearing, all to deliberately outshine her DIL. But then she arrives at the wedding, realises her sick little plan backfired & the bridesmaids/Mother Of The Bride are dressed alike (whilst The Bride is looking SO pretty in pink)?? Wow … suddenly the dress MIL picked for herself isn’t to her satisfaction after all! LOL. The fact that MIL had the nerve to say the wedding day is more about HER than her son & DIL, going on to say “you’re a bridezilla” just for making a reasonable request (which she shouldn’t even need to ask) & then having the rude “aunt” moan because the now married couple didn’t allow MIL to ruin THEIR special day?! That’s entitlement! 🤣
María Hermida 2 years ago
I would have "uninvited" her. My wedding, my rules. If she hates me already because she feels like it, why make the effort of trying to be polite?
Brock Landers 2 years ago
I just don't get some of these posts. Assuming this is true it is hard for me to imagine anyone could be confused as to if they are in the wrong in this situation. Everyone is on your side but your moms sister. Take the hint.
H.marie 2 years ago
People do love drama, dont they? For an inormal wedding i attended some 50-ish years ago, the bride and her attendant each sewed their own dresses of gauzy summer cotton fabric, using the matching empire-waisted patterns. OMG! the Mother in law was HORRIFIED when she saw that: the bride had used very pale green fabric for the underskirt of her dress, and matching pale green ribbon for trim on the dress itself; and it was slightly noticable that the attendant, in her pale aqua high-waisted gown, was "a little bit pregnant. " Oh, the horrors! How scandalous! A bride not wearing pure virginal white on her wedding day, and a clearly NON-virginal attendant! (Yep. Also learned later on that the MIL herself openly acknowledged that SHE had been "experienced" with her husband prior to her marriage, and had worn an ordinary formal dress (not-white) for her own wedding several decades earlier.
Janet Howe 2 years ago
NTA. Mom is a fruit loop. She needs therapy. She's missing a husband and expecting her son to fill in. She obviously wanted to be the center of attention at the wedding. I love the bride's shift in plans. Son needs to step up to the plate and have an honest talk with mom. He needs to tell her how inappropriate her actions have been, and continue to be. Her actions around the wedding were way off base. Not normal for son to make up for a missing husband. Mom may have some mental problems and needs to face them. She will definitely ruin the marriage if she doesn't get help.
Jon Steensen 2 years ago
Sounds like she is dealing with a true narcisist. So I predict that she will run into a lot of trouble down the road, probably so much that it could ruin their relationship. Narcisists don't like people pushing back like that, however justified such a move might have been, and do not have enough empathy to grasp why it was done. So the mother in law is probably already planning her revence. You cannot reason with them, and whatever logic you apply, they will almost always interpret it as an attack and an invitation to let the war beging. The only thing you can do is to freeze them out, but doing that while still keeping the husband can be a really tought task. Poor woman.
Annika Kremer 2 years ago
This was really clever and creative, well done and very much NTA. Also, that pink dress is gorgeous.
Abigail Cohen 2 years ago (edited)
Reposting What the heck!? Why would she think it's her day. Weddings are for the couple. Why would she need to feel special and wear a WEDDING DRESS to a wedding. that's so rude. She's insane. She isn't getting married. Etc…I’m not married or in any relationship but Jesus she needs help.
Abigail Cohen 2 years ago
This mom is possessive and sounds mentally unstable or at least something along those lines. Keep her out of your life
Abigail Cohen 2 years ago
What the heck!? Weddings are the couples day not the MIL's. Why would she need to feel special or that it's her day? And wearing a WEDDING DRESS to a wedding is so rude. I'm not married not am dating but Jesus that woman is a piece of work
weatherwitch 2 years ago
Well played! As long as the bride was happy with her pink dress, that's the important thing. My wedding dress was black with white back in the 90s, I can't stand floofy poofy dresses so was perfect for me 😊
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
My mother wore a black-and-red backless, sleeveless, full-length and circle ball gown as her wedding dress, because she had it. She didn't have the money to go out and buy a special dress.
Load More Replies... Doodles1983 2 years ago
NTA. Nexcuses or apologies or reasons needed. But I hope husband stands up to his mum more or the marriage won’t last.
Ash Conner 2 years ago
She MIL definitely needs to get consulting. I am not making fun of mental health to go out to say mean things. The wife handled this very classy. She had her brides maids and her mom all ware white. So, now it looks planed as the MIL walks in with white. The wife didn't humiliate her in anyway. This actually sounds like a great idea. Pink dress with white dresses. I love it. If I were to get married I think I would use this.
Unslaadahsil 3 years ago
I find it funny that this obsession with white dressed for brides exists when the origin of the white dress (at least in countries of Christian culture) it supposed to represent the purity of the virgin bride, and if you're not a virgin on your wedding day you're not supposed to wear it. Extra funny connection to the story? I don't know the bride, maybe she was a virgin, maybe not. Do you know who we know 100% wasn't a virgin? the MIL, seeing how she was, you know, a mother. okay, so maybe it wasn't funny for you. I'm laughing though :P
Adam Kaney 3 years ago
The MIL needs a good talking to from her son and definitely some therapy. Here’s the signs I gathered that indicated her need for help. She is treating her son like a stand in husband imo. (Him not doing anything to stop this only feeds these toxic ideas, I’m guessing.) When he finally finds a marriage worthy gf, his mom started copying her (to feel like she was still his “wife”, I guess?) This subconscious need to copy her son’s fiancé in order to feel like she was still a part of his marital life was what led to the ordeal with the dress.
Pamela Blue 3 years ago (edited)
Hubby needs to sit his mother down and tell her to "knock it off" or they'll have to go No Contact. And if she doesn't believe you - do it. This woman needs psychiatric help, but you two aren't the ones to give it, so keep her out of your lives until she learns that she isn't the center of your universe. Otherwise, if you have any children, she'll be a dangerous person to have around!
MidwestAngst 3 years ago
The weirdest part is that the MIL is attempting to copy and become the DIL in almost every way. That woman needs some help.
Candice Cook 3 years ago
What is wrong with these people!? I guess these brides are just much nicer people than I am bc I'd never let that fly. She could either wear something else or keep her @ s$ at home. These women that obsess over their sons like they are their long lost lover instead of their child just give me the creeps. What planet are they living on where that's even remotely acceptable? Cut the cord already, Mommy Dearest... He's got a whole wife now.
ADHD McChick 3 years ago (edited)
Seems to me that the MIL was bullying the OP. Constantly. Not the other way around. The Aunt is either an idiot, or as mentally ill as the MIL (maybe both), if she can't see what the MIL tried to do, and thinks the MIL was in the right. Claiming her SON'S wedding is HER special day?? That one commenter was right. It's NOT. It's his and OP's special day. She had her own, years ago, when she married OP's dad. And even if she never got the day of her dreams, tough luck. THEIR day is STILL not hers. And husband is gonna have to stop trying to "reason" with his Mommy (cause those types don't listen to reason), grow a pair, and get VERY firm with her. Or else this relationship will NOT last. Also, what is up with the "Single White Female" behavior of the MIL?? Wearing the same perfume, buying the same car? Is she trying to show her baby boy she can do all the things he likes about his wife, better than her, so he'll come back to Mommy? I don't get it. Whatever the reason, that shít is MAJOR-LEAGUE creepy. MIL needs help. Like, serious help. I'd go NC. Even if the husband doesn't. Fúck that shít.
LisaAntoinette Johnson 3 years ago
I can’t believe that the MIL tried to make the wedding about her. I think she was so upset about how her own marriage had ended that she thought she deserved a do-over. That’s something she should’ve confronted her ex-husband and a therapist with and not her only child’s wedding.
Mare Freed 3 years ago
High five, bride OP! You turned the tables on her and got a beautiful wedding out of it!
Erin Gorski 3 years ago
Sounds like future Husband needs family therapy on disciplining his mother. Whats he going to do when his mom is 100 and he can't tell her no!
Sonquista Daniels 3 years ago
Sooooo....MIL is committing emotional incest and everyone is appeasing her except the Bride because she is clearly the only sane person in this scenario. Got it.
Fred Jacobson 3 years ago
MIL NEEDS A HAND GRENADE UP THE BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE!
Bob Beideck 3 years ago
NTA, it’s supposed to be your day. However, in a way if the MIL doesn’t have a daughter it’s her special day too but she completely misunderstood what that means. (Asking is one thing, but doing is another. Did she get deprived of her wedding? It doesn’t change her childish actions.)
Laverne Robinson 3 years ago
You did her right. It was your wedding not hers. Tell the aunts to p**s off. That is the problem. They baby her. l
Nancy Lynch 3 years ago
No bride wore white at their wedding until Queen Victoria chose that color for her dress. After that, all brides wanted to be in white just like Queen Victoria. Nowhere is it written that a bride has to wear white. It's just traditional.
Evelyn Haskins 3 years ago
Wonderful!!! Actually white for wedding stated with Queens Victoria, Why not a beautiful colour?? Other cultures do it,
Neir Lucan 3 years ago
That MIL is someone who would poison her own son to make him need her. Never let the grandkids near her unsupervised
Tracy Rieon Hall 3 years ago
Op genius move. I would've told her from the beginning that this was my special day and either she could respect my wishes or deal with not being there period! People like this always end up bitter and alone. Nope couldn't be me either respect my wishes or deal with the consequences of your actions. Trust me dealing with me you will learn to respect and listen to what I ask especially if I'm asking very nice and being extra respectful.
Miranda Daugherty 3 years ago
I think Norman Bates wants his mom back, I'd like to see Dr Phil rip this Monster In Law a new one.
Roy F Rodriguez 3 years ago
I think the MIL is the a*****e in this case. How any mother would choose to outshine her son’s new bride, is beyond belief. The son should grow some balls, he is marrying his woman, not his Mom! Very well done, a great way to put her MIL in her place.
Leanne Weaver 3 years ago
You are allowed to do what you want for your wedding day, you need to be respected as a bride. My oldest daughter wore a white dress with a pink Triangle panel down the skirt and train, she looked stunning, I wore a cream lacey long dress (long due to scares on leg from an accident), but I also had my daughter's input into color and style, in order to make sure she was center of her day.
Helen Morton 3 years ago
I heard somewhere that Queen Victoria started the white wedding dress custom; that the wedding dress was traditionally red. Don't know if that's true. I also heard a white dress is not a requirement.
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
Traditionally, it was either the best dress you owned, or, if you had enough money, your parents had a new dress made--in a color you liked---and THAT became your new best dress. Red was the traditional color in China; they buried their dead in white.
Load More Replies... Sabrina Brotherton 3 years ago
NTA! MIL is! And she's a total control freak and NARCISSIST. A couple's wedding day is THEIR special day. Did the MIL have a MIL do this for her wedding or did she come up with this on her own? Just messed up
Crispy Toast 3 years ago
White for a wedding dress is overrated, and mostly Western culture anyway. That being said, I would have paid money to watch that face turn red! Get some therapy, lady!
Stacey Wawrowski 3 years ago
MIL has some seriously dysfunctional attachment issues. Your husband has to put her her place ASAP or the nonsense will only get worse. What she tried to do on YOUR special day is total BS. I applaud your solution. NTA
Diane Knight 3 years ago
The 'bully' title is an example of 'it takes one to know one'. Anyone knows that the bride is the one in white, if you're the guest it might be looked at as a fou paux, however, a person closer to the wedding party, would be downright AH. I've heard that at a 'surprise' wedding , a close person wore a white cocktail dress and felt rather foolish, but what do you do if it's spung on you? Especially if the event is far from home and you can't just 'pop' home for a quick change? This mom could have 'changed' her mind and gone in a different direction and looked fine, and like the 'normal one' and the bride's mom would have been looked upon as a pinch nuts. MIL did this to herself, has only herself to blame. (just as mob would have had mil gone with a stylish dress.) MoB certainly should have had a typical dress for the event, not another white dress too.
Karen Klinck Klinck 2 years ago
MOB was honoring her daughter's request. I doubt she had originally had any intention of wearing white.
Load More Replies... Paula Wynn 3 years ago
NTA! You're SO much nicer than I am. I would've had a friend waiting at the door with a HUGE glass of red wine to spill all over her white dress. OOPS!!! Or I would've told her the wedding was the week AFTER the actual date. Let her show up to the venue a week late in her white dress during Manny Leibowitz's bar mitzva!
BeBe Busby-Rhinehart 3 years ago
Girl....your are one of my "Tribe"....soooooo NTA!! Might need a discussion with the Hubs about getting that cord cut....waaaaay past time!!
Rosemary Paul 3 years ago
I've seen brides wear Blush pink. She was beautiful! Her 8 girls wore shades ranging from light pink to flamingo and her flower girl wore Rose Pink with the ring bearer had a rose pink bow tie & cummerbund. We've been to a wedding this past Spring where the bride wore a mermaid black gown that had a lot of suntan illusion netting at the neck including the long sleeves & it had this swirl of lace running fully from the left shoulder w/tendrils running over to her right. She had a deep plunge in the back and bust with the suntan color showing. She was thrilled to tell every one that she bought it at Bridals by Lori in Atlanta. That's the place they do a show "SYTTD". Her girls wore gowns in the suntan color which, to me, seemed weird. A bride can wear whatever color she wants! BUT! The M-I-L was out of line with her demand of white. Neither of my M-I-L's went gown shopping with me. No one saw either of my gowns but my mom, my sister & a niece. That M-I-L needs therapy.
Randy Perez 3 years ago
Yes y'all did bully her... And she deserved it. She won't learn her lesson and she'll be just as annoying. I hope OP has the patience and tact to deal with that damaged woman.
Julian Scherner 3 years ago
Can't help but wonder what the MIL wil do once that wife decides to get pregnant... I'm beginning to see pictures here folks!!!
MimSorensson 3 years ago (edited)
Hm. I think we’re seeing a bigger problem take form. Emotional incest is real and quite damaging. Some serious steps are going to have to be taken here I think.
Ricky Namara 3 years ago
I feel like this is the first half of a RomCom starring Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda and some male arm candy we don't give two shits about.
Jessica smith 3 years ago
No absolutely not she asked for it you told her no she did it anyway you are amazing you o girl
Jessica smith 3 years ago
You go girl your husband said no to her next time don't play stupid games and you won't win stupid prizes otherwise known as f*** around and find out
Load More Replies... Colleen Vincent 3 years ago
I suggest telling her exactly how you feel, with your husband present also. Otherwise you are going to have to always outsmart her while she is around, and that is exhausting. No more mind games.
A B C the Third 3 years ago
Oh so we're back to the usual, pre-answered AITA. Oh BP, y u do dis?
Phyzzi 3 years ago
No, this is almost certainly Narcissistic Personality Disorder and she (MIL) likely has a history of trama and/or abuse/neglect. Therapy would help but life is probably just going to be hard for her. It isn't really about intelligence or "mental development" in the broad sense though.
Load More Replies... hereforthecatpics 2 years ago
Idk this is really weird. Sounds like a form of child abuse where the parent treats their kid like a romantic partner rather than a child…. Really, really weird
Lemon_squeezy 2 years ago
It's all fun and games, but does no one se question why husband has done nothing about his sick mother's treatment not just towards himself, but his now wife? Someone like that that can't be on your side against your emotionally incestuous mother may just be a problem in the future. Also, you can tell what a nice person op is by the fact that she chose to invite her anyways, despite the fact that she could have simply not invited her. The dress trick mil tried to pull is certainly a great enough excuse. (Assuming this is a real story, I saw one just like this but instead, bride made a her bridesmaids wear red to cancel out her jealous cousin thinking wearing red would let everyone know she slept with the groom (one time hook up before groom met op in that story).
LayDiva in the Zone 2 years ago
Why would you even marry a man who lets his mother walk over you? If she would've brought the same car and perfume as me, I would've let him go. I don't have crazy mothers to do on any given day.
Zane Baker 2 years ago
Maybe just be direct and ask her why she wants to have sex with her own son, because thats definitely what it sounds like.
Susie Smith 3 years ago
Smart and innovative bride. What the H--- is wrong with mama's boy hubby that he didn't stand up for his wife-to-be??? And she plans to have kids with this guy?!? weddings are difficult and challenging times and events. While being all wrapped up in the doings and pardoning bad stuff they should NOT be ignluring, these issues rshide huge flags to RETHINK the whole thing. MIL is crude and rude. I think the way this bride handled it was genius.POOR MIL met her match. BUT the relationship is doomed for this marriage to work without daily trauma and abuse unless bride sees beyond the now and starts understanding this MIL doesn't wwant her around. Think hard and clear BEFORE you get pregnant. You DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO BRING A CHILD INTO THIS MARRIAGE WITHOUT MAKING CERTAIN MIL AND HUBBY BOTH GROW UP. GO to JOINT THERAPY to start and then your own. You need it.
Claire Hoefler 3 years ago
The fact that she did this shows you she wants her son to be here husband bc she is treating him as such. You are not the jerk. But frankly anf I think for your mental health you need to ask hubby if he can't get this mom to apologize you need to both go NC so that she will see you guys aren't playing. And when she apologizes it needs to be sincere. If she can't do that go NC. That will either force her to look at her actions or she will be so mad at NC she will keep it going. Either a win win. You are not the jerk. Your hubby will be if he doesn't put an end to this c**p though. And the aunt on my called you out probably BC the mom told her to. You are nta and got nc if not apologies are made. Wither way it will force mil to look at her actions.
daliya shohat 3 years ago (edited)
NTA. My MIL tried to control everything and choose everything for my wedding. I was lucky that she approved my slightly off white dress that I wanted. She took so much control, that the congratulations cards on each table were to her and my FIL. LOL!
Michael Cho 3 years ago
She should take this as a warning sign. Never should have married him. This doesn't end here. Wait until the MIL starts to get jealous during the marriage. I would never marry someone who can't control his or her own mother. I hope things work out but bad news from the beginning.
Cara G 3 years ago
Wait. Everyone is siding with the bride except for ONE aunt (about whom she gives no background or detail so how important is this person?) and needs to post on reddit for a consensus? She already had a consensus. I'm not going to say that I didn't enjoy the story, because it was sinfully funny, but it feels like this woman just wanted to brag about her spoils. She definitely deserves bragging rights but not under the guise of AITA on reddit. She already knows the answer. This loses some luster because of how it was presented.
Lee 3 years ago (edited)
Oh my lord, just BOAST OUTWARDLY about how you got the better of MIL. You know for a fact you were not doing anything wrong. I wish these humble bragging AITA posts were clearly labeled as AITA posts. I avoid those religiously when they aren't hidden under actually interesting headings.
Christof Irran 3 years ago
There is really no rule that says the bride should wear white, or that no one else in the wedding party should be allowed to wear white if the bride is wearing white. It's merely a (no longer necessary) tradition that seems to have established itself during and after WWII. There was a relative abundance of white parachute silk in France, and French brides started to have wedding gowns made from that material that came from the shy, came from shot down pilots (both allieds and Germans). If the MIL didn't have the funds to purchase high quality material for her gown, why shouldn't she be allowed to use (white) parachute silk too?
Marta Kęska 3 years ago
But... there is no WWII anymore and MIL could easily buy any other dress. She did it out of spite.
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