It’s not always easy giving gifts. Some people have a natural talent for it, others have to put in more work and thought. And some don’t even bother – a random candle will do. But what if a person tells you exactly what they want? All that’s left then are just a few clicks to order the present online, right?
As evident from this story, it’s not always as simple as this. One Redditor went to the r/TwoHotTakes subreddit to share her story about a Christmas gift from her boyfriend. She wanted to know whether her reaction to getting the wrong gift was appropriate or not, so she decided to ask the Internet’s opinion. Read the entire story and people’s reactions below.
The giving season is officially upon us. Unfortunately, with it also comes unwanted gifts
Image credits: Eugene Zhyvchik / unsplash (not the actual photo)
What do you do when you ask for a specific gift but get something else?
Image credits: Wicked Monday / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: botany-bunny
This is what the GF actually wanted
Image credits: Jakub
And this is what the boyfriend got her
Image credits: amazon (not the actual photo)
Why do we take bad gifts so seriously?
Image credits: Towfiqu barbhuiya / unsplash (not the actual photo)
My first experience with bad gifts was in childhood. Teletubbies were pretty big in our household, so one year I remember asking Santa for a Po plushy. What I got instead was a Laa-Laa. If you were ever a fan of Teletubbies, you’d understand that there’s a big difference.
Either there were no Pos in the store or my parents just didn’t bother looking, but there was one lesson I learned that day – you don’t always get what you ask for. I wasn’t old enough to understand what I felt at that moment, but I now can recognize why it hurt. I felt like I wasn’t seen, like my wishes didn’t matter.
And that’s a very common problem that couples run into. Gifts can symbolize what each partner “gives” in the relationship. The one who doesn’t pay enough attention to give good, thoughtful gifts becomes the one who doesn’t try hard enough for the relationship to work.
Researchers have found that people perceive a bad gift as indicative of being misunderstood. What’s interesting is that the men who took part in the experiment took bad gifts worse than the women. They said receiving a bad gift makes them feel less close and more upset with their partner.
Receiving a gift is not about just getting new stuff. When we want a meaningful gift from our partner, we want to know that they’ve put thought and effort into it. That makes us feel like they “get” us.
Financial therapist Amanda Clayman told The Cut that “you want to be with a partner who is able to work with your preferences for how you feel loved. That’s a lot bigger than just wanting a person to buy you stuff.”
Avoiding arguments and hurt feelings is not that hard – partners just need to communicate
Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 / unsplash (not the actual photo)
A common misconception that couples have is that if your partner loves you, they should know what you want as a present. But, thinking realistically, can you really expect your significant other to read your mind?
Relationship expert Neil Wilkie told Metro that it’s important for couples to communicate on the issue. Either tell your partner what you want or try to nudge them in the right direction when they give you a bad gift. “If they are given feedback and subtle clues and still fail to get it then this is a clear sign that they are not understanding your needs,” Wilkie says.
Amanda Clayman suggests not to be too serious about gifts. They’re supposed to be fun, after all. “As an act of love, it isn’t necessarily about the gift itself. It’s more about wanting to feel like your partner really gets you. Make sure [they] understand that the gesture is the most important part.”
Another piece of advice that Wilkie had for Metro was to accept that some people just may be not great at gift-giving. “If your life with them is otherwise full of love, communication and connection then hold onto those positives and nurture them. Ask yourself, how important is that ‘stuff’ to you and what you can do to reduce the impact of their quirk of poor gift-buying.”
The reactions in the comments were mixed
Some people shared their own stories about how clueless men can be when buying gifts
The OP posted an update
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo)
There was another update – the couple seems to have talked it out
Image credits: Andres Ayrton / pexels (not the actual photo)
I know, right? Why isn't this weird thing called "communication" taught in schools or maybe even by parents? Although I guess if people actually discussed their problems with each other, there would be no reason for Reddit.
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Glad both parties communicated with each other and saw each others side in the end....you know the usual thing healthy couples do
I like these stories because even if it only helps one person make a change in the way they handle things in their own relationships, it's a good thing.
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I'm going to be the pedantic one here, but the image of what she wanted barely classifies as a suncatcher. The whole idea of a suncatcher is that it's usually a stained glass piece that reflects the colours into the room. It can work with crystals, but you need more than those 3-4 crystals for the full effect. Fair enough if it's what she wanted, but I'd just call that more of a hanging ornament than an actual suncatcher....
I thought he put "suncatcher" in the search bar and actual suncatcher came up so he picked one he thought was lovely. Because she kind of uses whatever term suits her whether it is correct or not. I'm glad they worked it out.
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I know, right? Why isn't this weird thing called "communication" taught in schools or maybe even by parents? Although I guess if people actually discussed their problems with each other, there would be no reason for Reddit.
Load More Replies... Glad both parties communicated with each other and saw each others side in the end....you know the usual thing healthy couples do
I like these stories because even if it only helps one person make a change in the way they handle things in their own relationships, it's a good thing.
Load More Replies... I'm going to be the pedantic one here, but the image of what she wanted barely classifies as a suncatcher. The whole idea of a suncatcher is that it's usually a stained glass piece that reflects the colours into the room. It can work with crystals, but you need more than those 3-4 crystals for the full effect. Fair enough if it's what she wanted, but I'd just call that more of a hanging ornament than an actual suncatcher....
I thought he put "suncatcher" in the search bar and actual suncatcher came up so he picked one he thought was lovely. Because she kind of uses whatever term suits her whether it is correct or not. I'm glad they worked it out.
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