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“The Audacity”: 42 Stories About First Dates And Encounters That Left People Mortified
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About a decade ago, when an old friend of mine was looking for a job, he mistakenly signed up for Tinder instead of LinkedIn. He was never particularly knowledgeable about online services, or perhaps he was a bit tipsy at the time. Whatever the case, he found a job, and since then, he's been able to confidently confuse a date with a job interview.
However, sometimes first dates turn into a real source of strange, comical, and downright wild stories. At least, I honestly couldn't imagine anyone behaving like that on a date when I read this collection prepared for you by Bored Panda. Well, now you can try it as well.
More info: Threads
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#1
I was told I would have been proposed to except I had a child. The child at the time was my baby niece. He did not know this because we hadn’t even exchanged “hello” 😂😂😂😂
Kate Johnson 1 hour ago
I would have said, "and if you had proposed, I would have laughed in your face!"
RELATED:
#2
When I found intimate texts on my ex husband’s phone from his 17 year old step cousin (this man was 28) and he told me it was “just cousin love.” He went on to have two kids with her and I found messages on his MySpace grooming her from 13 after we divorced. 🤢
#3
A married man telling me we should go out because he “wasn’t married in his heart anymore.” Gross.
Kate Johnson 1 hour ago
I'd say, "Why would I want to go out with you, you're obviously a low character AH".
Recently, a rather viral thread appeared on Threads. The topic starter, the user katelusty, asked netizens, "What are your biggest 'The audacity!' moments?" and started the debate herself, telling a story about how, literally on their first date, some guy seriously expected her to treat him to her cooking at home, warning her in advance that he was a very picky eater...
Today, the thread has over 4.6K likes and nearly a thousand different stories, most of which, frankly, make you want to facepalm. And yes, honestly, we also felt some second-hand shame while compiling this selection for you, so please feel free to enjoy these stories with us.
#4
My husband of 12 months giving me a set of bathroom scales FOR CHRISTMAS. The same man who told me he loved bigger women. The same one who cheated on me 5 times before I threw his arse out of the house. We were married a total of 18 months. Early Parole I called it.
#5
I met a guy on the beach. I was wearing a bathing suit. Everything I had was on display. We went on a few dates, and suddenly he started questioning my food choices. “You are so beautiful! If you lost 15 pounds you could be a model.” I was 19 at the time, and he was 23 and starting to bald - which I was 100% fine with. But his obsession with my extra weight ended the relationship. About two years later I get a call from him, saying he’s in town and by the way, had I lost that weight?
Kate Johnson 1 hour ago
Respond, "Yes, and if only you had more hair and didn't entirely suck in bed, I might care about your opinions".
#6
We were at a restaurant/sports bar type place and the hockey game was on. He said he stopped cheering for the Oilers when “they let n words on the team”. After I picked my jaw up over the fact he just said that out loud, excused myself and left him with the check and to find a way home. We’d been seeing each other for over a month at least, never saw it coming. But never went out with him again.
Kate Johnson 1 hour ago (edited)
Yeah, when you find out someone is a low intelligence, low character Neanderthal, it's time to bounce.
Some of these folks begin to impose controlling behavior literally from the very first meeting, some simply perceive the date as a free ATM, and some even consider themselves the pinnacle of the universe, but at the same time, they don't shy away from outright lies in a futile attempt to impress others.
By the way, regarding lying, it's often one of the main reasons why people are heavily disappointed on a date. For example, this dedicated article at Bustle cites data that 43% of people actually lie on the first date. Interestingly, these lies mostly concern information directly related to their profile data: height, weight, financial status, and so on.
The article's authors state that some people lie because they're just casually dating, so they're confident that lies don't matter. Others sincerely wish certain things about themselves were true. However, they are, of course, mistaken.
#7
One of mine was when a guy asked me out. For whatever reason, the first planned activity he thought of wasn’t going to work out, so he suggested dinner. Great, I thought, and agreed to dinner.
Later, he called to confirm plans. “What are you making me?” he asked. “I’m kind of picky.”
“Pardon?” I stuttered, sure I’d misunderstood something.
Reader, this guy I hardly knew thought it would be a fun little treat for me to cook *him* dinner at my house (!) on a FIRST DATE.
#8
Talking to a guy on the internet.
“Are you married?” I asked. (I knew he was!)
“Getting divorced,” he said.
“Does your wife know?”
“I’m waiting to tell her when the kids go to college.”
The kids were in preschool.
#9
Back in the 90s I dated a guy. The plan was to eat Chinese food once we got to his apartment. His friend came over and since I had my dog with me, and he was really hyper, I hung out with my dog in his room. About an hour later his friend leaves, and I ask for my food because I was really hungry. Y’all, this fool looked me in my face and said “oh my friend was hungry, so I gave him your order.” I WAS THE ONE THAT BOUGHT THE FOOD! 😩😩😩
Interestingly, the lying mostly relates to the use of dating apps. For example, Stanford University researchers Jeffrey Hancock and David Markowitz, after analyzing several thousand cases, concluded that in approximately seven percent of situations, people are prone to lying or simply embellishing.
The authors of the article call this "the butler lie," driven by the desire to look better or more attractive in the eyes of a potential partner, or to find a plausible excuse to end a relationship. The term itself refers to personal stewards of yesteryear, when they used deception as a polite way to conceal unwanted social interactions.
But what is the underlying reason why people behave inappropriately on dates? As is often the case, the cornerstone here is a person's self-image, as well as the massive social changes that have occurred in recent decades due to rapid technological progress.
#10
I told my ex I wasn’t the free babysitter to his kid and he TOTALLY UNDERSTOOD!!!!!!!!! Next day he waved his melting down child in front of my face and asked me to watch her while he went to work. He ended up taking his 4 year old to work with him. At a winery. I dumped him the next day.
#11
There was a guy at a comedy club that I regularly attend, he was always asking me for cigarettes. I'd let him have a heap of them over time. He kept saying "I'll buy you a pack to make up for it". One day he finds me on the socials and sends me a message with his PayID details asking for money so that he could "buy me a pack".
He wanted ME to pay HIM money so he could "buy" the pack he owed me
#12
I had been talking to this guy for a week. Day 7 of knowing I exist and he asked if he could get on my car insurance
"Very often, people simply have an inflated view of themselves - sometimes reinforced by their upbringing. So, if a person was a golden child for their parents, then it's highly likely that over time they will demand the same treatment from their partner," says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here.
"Another problem is the sharp decline in face-to-face human interaction over the past decades, so many people simply don't know how to behave when communicating not online, but in real life. And while online you can hide behind a nickname or disappear at any moment, that doesn't work in real life."
"Furthermore, people often view Tinder and other dating services as just an opportunity to advertise themselves, to present a polished version of themselves, which means that if a relationship begins, the partner will later have to deal with the real person. This is largely responsible for the significant increase in breakups and divorces - due to this discrepancy between expectations and reality," Irina summarizes.
#13
Used to talk to this guy, gave flowers to another girl in front of me, went and flirted with ANOTHER girl (still in front of me) and came to me with empty hands for Valentine's
He then asked crying why I stopped talking to him, and whined about everyone being so rude to such a "pure man."
#14
A coworker told me "You'd have more friends if you wore makeup." I replied "If they're as judgemental as you I don't want them."
#15
Guy I dated in college told me he’d marry me if I lost weight. ‘Cause, you know, he was a tel-com major & would have a public job so his wife would need to be “presentable”.
Kate Johnson 1 hour ago
I'd say, "That's okay, I actually want to marry someone with an actual soul, so you would never qualify for the position".
Be that as it may, people have lied and will continue to lie on dates, to paraphrase Dr. Gregory House from the iconic TV series from the '00s. This means there will always be room for strange, funny, or simply ridiculous stories related to dating. By the way, perhaps you, too, have a similar story to tell us - so please feel free to share it in the comments below this post.
#16
I went to a Meetup at a local mini golf place. Of all the people that RSVPed, it was just me and this guy. We kind of hit it off so hung out, played mini golf, had a beer. I told him I was going home to Vegas for a weekend to visit family and he invited himself. “I’ll go with you, we can get a hotel. Oh, you stay at your moms house? We can share a bed.” Like sir we just met an hour ago. No.
#17
My old boss declared his love for me at his wedding reception. I was not the bride.
#18
I saw a man that needed help outside a gas station. Got him food and cashapped him a couple dollars, he asked me for a ride to some apartments. I shouldn’t have but I gave him a ride. Next day he sent me a cash app request for more money…
#19
As a young woman working in an office, I had one of the building's tenants ask me out to lunch, then borrow the phone on my desk to call his wife. I must have given him the stare, because, after hanging up, he said "I guess we're not going to lunch?"
#20
Ran into a guy I sort of knew, we worked for the same company, different locations, at an oldies night bar. He asked me out to a college basketball game he had tickets to, two weeks away. While slow dancing, he asked if I could lose ten pounds before our date! I just stopped dancing and walked away. Never, ever saw him again.
#21
My (now ex) husband asked to hold our newborn because I had her a while. Sure! Hand her over and he asks me “Can you get me a drink and use one of my nice glasses?” The nice glasses were well above my head and I was three days out from a c-section. He had all that time before having the baby to get his own damn drink. I said no.
#22
A guy asked me to surgically remove my birthmark because it bothers him (it was covered by my hair).
On the first date.
#23
Met a guy online, we decided to meet up for a date. He lived in St.L, Id never been, so I make the drive there. I accidentally went to the wrong location, but he came to me. The man was awful at conversation, left a bad tip, and then walked me to my car, said "I think I earned this" and felt me up. He did not get my number, and got blocked shortly thereafter.
#24
Many years ago I was out with a male friend on a date where he took me to a monster truck event that he didn't have tickets for, and promised backstage access because he had "a buddy" that was working the event. That didn't happen. Then it was so late that nothing was open and I hadn't eaten. We're driving back to his house and I said something about shutting the door to my car and he got offended. He got out of the car on the side of the road 10 miles from his home and that's where I left him.
#25
I'm polygamic and as a single woman was the third party to an italian guy who had an open relationship. No problems there with that itself, but he eventually wanted to control who -I- see. He had a woman home, but me, a single woman, had to have him as the only guy I touch. No Sir this doesn't work like that.
#26
In my early 20's, I started (VERY) casually seeing a military guy. After a couple of weeks, he said he wanted to take me on a "real” date... Like a sit-down dinner and everything.
Y'all.
He took me to eat-in at Wendy's.
Michael Largey 41 minutes ago
On the pittance they pay our military, was she expecting champagne and caviar?
#27
My boyfriend asked if I had ever dated anyone as long as I had dated him. I answered honestly that in college I dated a guy for 2 years then we moved to different cities & it fizzled & we broke up the following year. Boyfriend says he was thinking of proposing to me but won’t propose until I had dated him longer than I dated anyone else. THE AUDACITY. It was a real turning point in the relationship and I dumped him very soon after that.
Michael Largey 37 minutes ago (edited)
Oh, I don't know. She had told him that she's been in a relationship that lasted two years but still fizzled. So he figures that she may need more than two years to build a relationship that would be ready for marriage. (Reasonable, since two years isn't that long to begin with.) Ultra dumb, of course, to put it the way he did. Better to shut up and say to himself "It's good to take some things slow and easy."
#28
I was talking with a guy on a dating app and he was bragging about how he was working hard to put his kids through college (divorced). Some time after we started dating I find out that he was actually paying off years old child support arrearage that his ex was using for their college tuition.
#29
Found out my ex was on Tinder. Asked him and he denied it (yeah, shocking 😏), when I insisted he said yes he was but he was on it for BUSINESS, after all "why would I need to be on Tinder?" Boy what? 😆😂😆
#30
Went to a bar with a couple of girlfriends from work, and a cute guy across the bar sent us a drink. He came over and started talking to us, and asked us what we do for work. My friend and I are both paleontologists and when we told him this he proceeded to tell US that evolution doesn’t exist for humans, and that birds aren’t dinosaurs, pterodactyls are birds… just a whole lot of confidently incorrect things he wanted to mansplain to us with actual degrees, then got offended when we left 😂
#31
I went on a first date years ago with a dude who told me that I was beautiful, but in the same sentence , that my arm tattoo was a sin against god and I would have to get it removed before a second date 😆…sir , it does not wash off
#32
Ugh, the nerve. Mine was when I went on a first date with a guy and he took me to a car race. Okay, cool. He then bought me a shirt with little checkered flags on it. Okay, cute. He was nice enough, but we didn’t really click that well as anything beyond friends. I told him I didn’t want to pursue a relationship the next day and he said, “But I bought you a shirt!” Um, yeah…so? What’s that mean? 😂
#33
I'm a bridesmaid at a friend's wedding. Her male best friend (married with 2 kids +1 on the way) told me *while sober* that he wished he'd met me before he'd met his wife... Told the bride about his comment some weeks later and she told me that I'd 'soiled' the image of her entire wedding. Somehow, it was my fault. Needless to say, I don't see these people any more....
#34
He dumped me because he wanted to reconnect with an old flame. Then, the old flame told him she didn't want anything serious yet because she was exploring her options first. He got the audacity to come back and say he made a mistake, not for dumping me, but to have misunderstood her. Uggghhhhh
#35
dated (yet another) man with serious emotional regulation issues, i ended it after a few short months (should have been sooner but he had great weed and i was poor). i'd been cutting his hair and after i broke it off he demanded i cut his hair one more time, like right then and there without any of my tools because he knew he'd never see me again and the free haircut train was leaving the station. (he did not get a haircut, but he did get a few more insults in as i left his home.)
#36
Some random grocery store guy by the parking area insulted me 3x in one breath. Him: " Are you pregnant? In fact you can't be, you're over the hill, you can't be of child bearing age! In fact Sorry, it must be the weight you have put on." I was so shook. The audacity!?! I felt violated. Excuse me, I don't know you. Have you been watching me? Its all so crazy out here in the world.
Kate Johnson 1 hour ago
"I'm sorry you're so stupid. It must be such a burden for your poor mother to know she labored to bring such an entirely worthless POS into the world."
#37
“The biggest mistake I ever made was not giving her (me) a chance” Went around telling a lot of our mutual at the time while I was in a relationship with now husband. UMMMM who said I wanted you sir??? Yuck
#38
Im a hairdresser, a guy on tinder once asked if i could give him a haircut as a first date cuz he doesn't like going to Salons. Like what?
#39
A guy asked if I wanted to have dinner. I agreed and then he said "Great! I'll go buy some food and bring it over for you to cook." Um excuse me?!🤦🏼♀️
#40
This happened many years ago. A guy on tinder said ”wine & dine?”. He suggested to met at 8 pm at a bar. The bar didn’t have any food. At the bar he asked me if I prefer red or white wine. Red I said. He asked for two glasses of red wine and said ”you can venmo me 9 bucks”. He spent the whole evening talking about how much money he made and only about himself. I had to call a friend to come up with an excuse to leave. He texted me later and ask me out again
#41
My ex crying and asking me to take him back-I pointed out that his heavily pregnant wife was literally in the next room.
#42
I was dating this girl and had to travel for work for a couple months. Things were good for a while. I'd visit, she'd drive down to visit. She started drifting apart and I was cool with it, like ya it hurt but I got it and said so. But she kept denying it, calling nonstop, texting acting like Things were normal. Wouldn't come down to visit but kept begging me to come see her. So we made plans, bought tickets, she led me on right till the night before then disappeared. Didnt hear from her for 3..
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