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You should never put your mental health on the back burner. Make it a priority, alongside your physical health. Always.

Though more and more people are becoming aware of just how vital it is to take care of their mental health, there’s still a certain sense of stigma and taboo when it comes to therapy. Plenty of people see no shame about going to sessions and feel better because of them. However, depending on where in the world you live, going to therapy can be seen as a sign of ‘weakness.’ Hence the lingering stigma.

Some of the most profound things you can learn in life are simple truths and crystal clear wisdom. And internet users from far and wide decided to enlighten everyone by sharing the very best things they’ve ever learned from their therapist in a thread on r/AskReddit. They felt that these things, thoughts, and ideas were something that absolutely everyone should hear.

Scroll down for a serious mediation about self-worth, boundaries, anxiety, and making sense of the world when everyone seems overwhelming and chaotic, Pandas. We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments, so feel free to speak your mind in the comments. And if you feel like you’d like to share something from your own therapy sessions that you personally found enlightening, go right ahead at the very bottom of this article.

Suzanne Degges-White, a therapist and the author of 'Toxic Friendships: Knowing the Rules and Dealing with the Friends Who Break Them,' kindly answered Bored Panda's questions about the stigma surrounding therapy, how we can tell if we may need counseling, and how to determine whether a therapist is trustworthy. She explained that capable therapists are those who normalize our experiences, make sure we feel heard, and will always keep the focus on us. Degges-White is a Licensed Counselor, as well as Professor and Chair of the Counseling and Higher Education department at Northern Illinois University.

#1

30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy Failure is an idea that not all cultures believe in. Native Americans believe you either succeed or you learn. “Failing” is a social construct designed to control you.

nornidentity , Razvan Chisu Report

Aski Markup
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I like this a lot.

John Edgar Werner Philips
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"You can achieve anything if you work hard enough" can easily be internalized as "I didn't achieve it because I didn't work hard enough" - my fault, my failing.

Anonymousplease
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad says that weight lifting is the best sport because pushing yourself to failure is the whole goal, really changed my mindset

iblewsheep
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

it's either success or failure is very polarized concept, and it is something we can be very good/bad at doing.

Estelle
Community Member
1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love how this concept encourages change. If there is no success of our goal, how do we change to reach that goal? or, alter the goal so that success is more attainable?

Jode Mode
Community Member
3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good grief our culture sucks!

"Admitting we need help isn't easy—in many cultures, there is value placed on self-sufficiency and the ability to work things out on our own. To admit that we're in need of assistance can make us feel like failures. There's a sense of shame for some people, as well. In addition, just acknowledging struggles with mental health—including stress, anxiety, or depression—is still a taboo for many people due to how their families viewed therapy and counseling. It's a challenge to get people into therapy and it can be even more of a challenge to keep them engaged until they've worked through their issues sufficiently," Professor Degges-White explained.

She told Bored Panda that therapy may be useful for a person when they feel like they've run out of solutions for a problem and haven't figured out the right one. Most often, people seek help due to poor relationships: whether with themselves or with others.

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"When we feel that no one understands us, or we feel things that don't make sense to us, or we're struggling in a relationship, therapy may provide the means to a resolution. In going into a first session with a therapist, we should be ready to be met with the core conditions of counseling in our therapist—genuineness, unconditional positive regard, and empathy. We should feel that our therapist 'gets us' and makes us feel at ease as we open up," Degges-White shared what we ought to expect when first starting sessions with a professional. It's important to recognize whether the fit between the therapist and the client is right or not.

RELATED:
    #2

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy Just because you knew someone who had it worse does not mean your situation wasn't abuse as well. As a non-combat veteran: just because I wasn't getting shot at doesn't mean I don't deserve VA assistance for the PTSD caused by my military role.

    hermitatlarge , Pixabay Report

    ejfs
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    THIS. Every experience, thought, emotion, trauma, all of it, is valid.

    Shane S
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You can show up to the hospital with a broken arm and they might wheel in someone else having a critical heart attack. That doesn’t make your arm any less broken. Your pain and condition are still valid.

    John Edgar Werner Philips
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When people get all "why are you complaining, others have it worse" I always wonder about that poor f****r who has it worst of all.

    madbakes
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I learned this from my best friend, although in a very different scenario. Her mother had passed away (we were in college at the time), and I was reluctant to come to her with my own problems (because there was no way they were as important or painful as her own). She knew something was off with me and told me that my pain and problems are still important. She wanted to be there for me, regardless of her own pain.

    JB
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    YES! Just because he never broke any bones or put me in hospital doesn’t mean shoving me around wasn’t physical abuse. I thought that because, while he often threatened, he never actually punched me, it wasn’t abuse. I was wrong. Intimidation IS abuse. Record it, report it, get out before the threat becomes reality.

    Sage Gusano
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My way of looking at things" Even if their worst day could be your best day; it is still THEIR worst day.

    JustinTime
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The constant, needless bulls**t from the higher ups in the USMC was worse than anything I experienced in Iraq, and we were in a bad area and saw/did bad things. There’s a lot of military leadership with negligible intelligence and question mental stability who make terrible decisions that get inflicted on those beneath them. Add to it the choices of politicians a thousand miles away who really have no clue what goes on in the trenches.

    Bouche Clay
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When in prison, I had an operation. One of the side effects was severe constipation. I was on the "hospital" floor, and in a 4 man room. One of my roommates was dying. She had stage four cancer, kidney failure, and all sorts of other things. She was denied Hospice care (illegally) because she wouldn't sign a DNR form. Since she wasn't Hospice, she got the same c**p to eat the rest of us did. She couldn't have weighed much more than 70 lbs. Our roommate took care of her, made soups for her out of the c**p on our trays, coaxed her into eating, and all that. So I was in horrible pain from the constipation, but trying not to show it. This dying woman asked me if I were ok, if I needed anything. I could have cried. I felt so humbled by that, and in awe of her spirit. I was moved back to my regular floor after I recovered, and ran into the helping roommate several months later. The dying lady lived long enough to get her compassionate release. She died a free woman, in the arms of her family.

    Rider
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not good enough and not bad enough are both damaging.

    Sean Sean
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also, just because you were never in the Military doesn't mean you can't develop PTSD.

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    #3

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy “No.” Is a complete sentence

    no-guac , Vie Studio Report

    Karen Warren
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And you don't to explain why!

    3 Owls In A Coat
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And No is enough of an explanation too! If you need to say NO to something, that’s good enough. (I hate when I say no and someone else is like “why?” Because I said no!)

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    Tracy Wallick
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Far too many men think "no" coming from a woman means "convince me"

    Boerenhond
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When you scream no very loud, they get the point mostly.

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    Shari Dubs
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My 3 year old has no problem using "No" as a complete sentence. I wonder when we adults, become socialized or taught out of that. Does anyone know? Are there other cultures (I'm American) that don't feel the need to explain so much?

    Bubbles and sparks
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This! It's trampled over so many times by so many people that just keep nagging until no becomes a yes or have a temper tantrum over it because they're not getting their way ...

    Niall Mac Iomera
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This one always bugs me. "No." Is not a complete sentence as it doesn't have a subject. It can be a complete answer though.

    Magpie
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you struggle with saying "No". Try "No thank you". You don't have to be thankful for anything. It was easier for me.

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    "We should also recognize that it can be weird, at first, to open up to a stranger, but also feel that as we do self-disclose, the therapist supports us as we risk being open and honest. Not every therapist fits every client—sometimes we might have to engage in a couple of 'misses' before we find the therapist who is right for us. However, we shouldn't give up trying—when we have the courage to reach out, it means that we are ready for change—keep up the motivation to work on the issue that's keeping you from moving forward."

    According to Professor Degges-White, one of the most important things that one's therapist can do for us is to normalize our experiences. They help provide a broader picture. "When we feel that our own struggles are not so unusual or unexpected and we're not 'crazy,' that helps us feel better about seeking help. In addition, when a therapist really listens deeply to us, that can be healing in itself. There is a great deal of power in talk therapy—being able to find a space to say out loud what we need to say is so liberating!"

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    What's more, therapists ensure that we feel heard. They also validate our perspectives, which, according to the professor, may be "immensely beneficial." 

    "Trustworthy therapists will focus on you, not their clocks or their phones, when you're in session. They will behave professionally—they won't be late for appointments, they won't cancel and re-schedule appointments unless a rare emergency strikes, they will keep the focus on YOU and not derail therapeutic conversations to inappropriately self-disclose about their own problems."

    #4

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy You can bring up your mood if you reframe your thinking. Instead of being annoyed that you have to clean your cat boxes, be grateful that you have an animal who keeps you company. Having to wash dishes means that you got to eat a meal. Having to take someone to the airport means that you have friends/family in your life that trust you.

    purpleRN , Amadeo Valar Report

    Tamra
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Gratitude. When I'm in the depths of depression, I have to make myself do this every day, even if I can only come up with one thing to be grateful for. It takes practice and perseverance, and some days I don't manage it. Refer to the other post about "progress, not perfection". 🙂

    Kelsey Rivera
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That quote reminds be of what my teacher days " practice makes progress not perfect but progress."

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    Anna Banana
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This smells of toxic positivity. You don't have to have good feelings about scooping out cat s**t with a spatula, for f**k's sake! You're allowed to be annoyed by that, even if you wouldn't give up your cat for anything.

    Tamra
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think this idea can definitely push into toxic positivity territory, for sure. I think it's a great technique for certain situations, not all. For myself, I find that I get swamped with negative thoughts sometimes, and this technique helps me to short-circuit them, in a way. When I know I'm just manufacturing my own misery (which I'm good at), I try this gratitude stuff to snap me out of it. But for in-the-moment trauma or serious situations, I think something more, or something else, would be more effective.

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    iblewsheep
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This can easily be turned into rationalization for any number of things

    Laura MG
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A gratitude journal is a great tool for depression and gratitude doesn't have to be a big thing, any little thing that lifts your mood will work

    A Jones
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I wash dishes I remind myself I like having clean plates to eat on and blast my favorite music. :D

    Sharrow
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And now I'm annoyed at having to be so positive. What's wrong with disliking something?

    Magpie
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Apply this one with caution. For someone in deep depression ( *waves* ) it can become an overwhelming obstacle.

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    #5

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy That all emotions have their time and place. Also that I can’t control how other people feel. It’s not my job to keep them happy or satisfied. I am allowed to let people be angry or upset.

    stewiesaidblast , cottonbro Report

    Allison Hart
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is so true. I often obsess over whether people are enjoying themselves when we go somewhere to the point that I'm not enjoying myself.

    Enea
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's so Important! I'm in my 40s, and my 70-year old mother still starts fighting with me when I'm sad or upset because she feels guilty and goes into defense mode. It's horrible when women are being held responsible for the happiness of their family, for both sides. I live my mother dearly, but I know I can never come to her for consolation when I'm down.

    iblewsheep
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    yeah but it is not always easy convincing the other person that is isn't your job.

    Celtic Pirate Queen
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not the best picture to accompany this post. His face basically says, "Not this sh*t again".

    Kalevra
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Some of you liberals need to learn this one.

    Tucson Dispatch
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I AM IN THERAPY WORKING ON THIS ONE.

    BBsparkster614
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I needed to hear this thank you so much

    #6

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy You have a limited amount of energy and time in any given day, and you get to choose where you place that energy. Like chips at a roulette table. Every angry twitter response, Reddit argument, etc is me putting those chips on those squares. My stack dwindles each time. Angry thoughts about a news article, an opinion I disagree with, that a*****e driver on the freeway, all of that takes energy, my chips. An extremely limited resource. So I’m trying to live though that lens and make the best possible decisions with my stack. That a*****e driver gets none of my chips anymore. YA CANT HAVE EM F**KFACE. Today I was about to have a negative interaction online so I got up and pet the ever loving s**t out of my cat instead. Like world class scratches - he was stoked. Chips. Place them wisely. I stop myself many times a day from doing it. I’m much happier now. Still f****d up, but happier in my stew if that makes any sense.

    campoanywhere , Pavel Danilyuk Report

    Scout Finch
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I like this one! Got to remember it!

    madbakes
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Go to YouTube and look for Sarah Knight, "The magic of not giving a f**k." Same concept, but I like her explanation better, anf you definitely won't forget it.

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    Kwj
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's like this thing I once read online. "Don't let people live rent-free in your head". A really good reminder when I overthink situations or other peoples actions.

    Carole Reid
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But I am a chronic over thinker. Like it's genetic or something.

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    Dani Pret
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Awesome play the game right and be a winner in life

    Bored Retsuko
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But if you stay out of all the arguments, ignore all the negative things and go cuddle your cat instead... won't that make you pathologically avoidant?

    JB
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The recommendation isn’t to stay out of all arguments or ignore all the negative things. It’s to choose which of these are actually important enough to spend your time and emotion on instead of expending your time and emotions on all of them. [God], grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

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    Kalevra
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What if i GET energy from that though? What if truth is a driving force behind my personality?

    Bubbles and sparks
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's a trick that takes a lot of practice, but once mastered.... it's a good one 👍

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    Previously, Bored Panda spoke about therapy and counseling sessions with British psychotherapist Silva Neves. He noted that, though there’s still a certain stigma still attached to seeking help for one’s mental health, the situation is far from as bad as it used to be before.

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    "I think it is getting better and there is less stigma seeing a therapist now. It depends on your location though, there are still some parts of the world where therapy is still a taboo. Some people think that seeing a therapist means that you're 'crazy,' but this is not actually what therapy is about," he explained what therapy is and is not.

    "Therapy is a confidential and private space where you can get help from a professional with anything that bothers you, from your work problems, relationship issues, or other psychological problems such as post-trauma stress, depression, and anxiety," the therapist told Bored Panda.

    "Those things are actually very common and many people struggle with these things, it doesn't mean they're crazy. Seeing a therapist when you have emotional struggles should be as normal as seeing your doctor when you have a physical problem. But at the moment, our society hasn't normalized therapy yet. It is changing with famous people talking about the benefits of therapy such as Lady Gaga and Prince Harry,” he noted that therapy is becoming more and more widely accepted because it’s a topic that well-known individuals talk about in public.

    #7

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy How people act is a reflection of them, not me.

    Commercial_Zombie196 , Vince Fleming Report

    Tanja Hoffmann-Blaha
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mostly yes. But people sure act nicer, if you are kind to them first

    Estelle
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a reflection on BOUNDARIES. It is not your responsibility to change someone else. You do not have that power. You can be an influence to others yet ultimately, you have the most control of yourself and your actions.

    Sean Sean
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree, but....how I act towards someone is directly in relation to how they treat me. So if I'm being an a*****e to you, there's a reason beyond me just being an a*****e.

    #8

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy If you take good thoughts with a grain of salt why not also take the bad with a grain of salt? Hear it, recognize it, and let it leave.

    findthefish14 , kevin turcios Report

    Shane S
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We all have them. And anyone who says they don’t is lying or in denial.

    Boudewijn van der Mik
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mindfullness Basics: All you hear is just an opinion, all you see is just a perception. Thoughts are not facts.

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    #9

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy A counselor at my university taught me that just because your anxiety tells you something will happen, that doesn't make it true. One way to illustrate this is to place a pen on a table, tell yourself you won't be able to pick it up, and then do it anyway. It feels so weird but also so comforting to know that your thoughts don't have as much influence on your life as they want you to believe. The therapist who told me this was just an intern at the time. I really hope she has been able to help people the same way she did me where ever she is now.

    BlossomtheMare , Joice Kelly Report

    Hanni
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, but they never tell you HOW you can shut up the anxieties.

    iblewsheep
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    that is usually when they suggest medication

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    While your mental health is of paramount importance, so is your physical health. Taking care of your mind means, in large part, being kind to your body. That means getting plenty of movement every day, eating in a healthy and balanced way, staying hydrated, and getting enough sunlight.

    Then there’s the social aspect to consider, too. People are hardwired to be social beings. Our brains reward us for socializing and being kind to others. That means that in order to have a healthy and happy life, you need to have a strong group of family, friends, and coworkers on whom you can rely.

    #10

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy People don’t know what you’re thinking or wanting if you don’t say it. If you don’t communicate your emotions and thoughts, you can’t expect people to mind-read, and then get upset at them for not doing what you expected.

    lhy13 , Priscilla Du Preez Report

    Tracy Wallick
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I dealt with this so much from my narcissistic father, I blatantly ignore (or deliberately misinterpret) passive-aggressive subtext until they say what they mean.

    Omi bub
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I find this passive aggression from my in-laws really hard to deal with. My family will just say what they think, warts and all, yes it isn't nice having an argument but the passive aggression is torture for everyone involved.

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    Randy Klefbeck
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    While this is true, there is significantly more said in human body language, than people want to give credit to.

    Sharon Peters
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A therapist once told me that no one can meet your expectations unless you tell them your expectations, makes sense!

    #11

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy We judge others based on their actions but we judge ourselves based on our intentions.

    Jesst3r Report

    Gareth Ratcliffe
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thinking about doing something bad does not make you bad unless you actually do it.

    Jackie
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Woah. . . Needed that lol

    #12

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy My mom was a terrible person, and the therapist told me i didn't need to treat her as if she was a loving mother. I was doing all the things a good daughter does for a mother that loves them, however i didnt have a mother that treated me as though she loved me. It was life changing to realise this and really helped me stop being abused by her.

    Spiritual_Annual_276 , Fuu J Report

    Bored Retsuko
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sigh. I've realised but not internalised this properly. 😔

    Omi bub
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It takes time. Keep going! I cut my dad out of my life, it was really hard at first (especially the pressure from others in my family) but I owe him nothing and have been enormously happier since then.

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    JustinTime
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My biggest envy growing up was other kids who had decent parents.

    Cynthia Souza
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I didn't even realize my parents weren't decent. My dad was in the Air Force and we moved a lot. Neither parent was close to their families, so I didn't have aunts or uncles to look to. (There was dysfunction in both families going way back, part of why my parents were so messed up.) Took me years to figure out that parents could be different from mine.

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    NannyChachi
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm 63yo and miss having a mom. I haven't talked to her for many, many years. But she's a horrible person that I couldn't allow in my life a minute longer. Even in her advanced age she's STILL horrible and tries to cause trouble. But, her horribleness made me a really good mom. (my kids tell me that I am) So there's always a little sunshine in the clouds.

    Cynthia Souza
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was estranged from my mother the last ten years of her life. My therapist helped me understand I didn't need to let her treat me badly just to have a relationship with her.

    EpicWolfandSparrow
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My question is: how tf do you do this when you're still technically a minor and live with your freaking mom?? Source: currently having a breakdown due to mom, and my bf (life support during these) just went to bed so I can't text him

    Making time for them is essential to keeping your mind healthy. While some people prefer taking more time for themselves, no person (with some extremely rare exceptions) can function completely in isolation. We need others. However, having just anybody in your life—whether romantically, platonically, or otherwise—won’t cut it. You have to have people in your life who will lift you up instead of those who put you down. Clear boundaries and honest communication can help you filter out who’s a true and steadfast friend and who’s just here while the weather’s fair.

    The hardest step is the first one. If you have any advice about starting therapy that you'd like to share with all the other Pandas, dear Readers, feel free to do so. A helping hand, a kind word, a bit of support: these are things that can make a huge difference, even if they come from a stranger on the internet.

    #13

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy Overworking is a form of self harm.

    PhreedomPhighter , cottonbro Report

    SCP 4666
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And there are even people who are proud of that

    BakuDeku Shipper
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why can't they be? It's not hurting you personally, and it may help them to stay positive when living in a world that requires people to work their a*s off. No, I'm not justifying this type of society, but I'm saying it shouldn't be bad to take pride in your own work ethics.

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    RyanRyanRyan
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Only if you don't love your work. My best days are when I sit down at 9am to write software and then after a while realize it's 2am and I haven't gotten up from my chair.

    Madison García
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Gotta pay the rent and insurance and car and...

    Sarah Marie
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have been abusing myself for a loooooooooooooooong time then. Good thing my procrastination sorta helps with that.

    iblewsheep
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    but so is being lazy, so where in the space between those do I reside?

    Ashley Schriber
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wish that were my way of avoiding emotions. I'd be just as screwed up, but at least I wouldn't be poor.

    #14

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy People aren't always looking and thinking about you if you're in public. If you enter a room full of people and they all turn to look at you, it's just a knee-jerk reaction to movement/noise, they literally won't even think about you past "this person just entered the room" Helped soo much with social anxiety.

    Fable_Nova Report

    Vix Spiderthrust
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep. If I'm sat facing a door I'll look every time someone comes in, file them under "unknown variable", and continue the conversation I was already having.

    DennyS (denzoren)
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is such a big problem with me. I can be walking through campus and if someone laughs, not even near me, I believe they're laughing at me.

    Desert Rose
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What has helped me in feeling that others were judging me on my weight, looks, whatever, was this - What others think of me is none of my business. And, I also realized that I wasn't that important. People are usually so caught up in their own lives that they have little time to think about you. Be important to yourself and don't beat yourself up for every little mistake.

    Whitefox
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I used to believe this. I was leaving a gym, I heard the girls at the desk exclaim loudly, "oh my gawd, did you see that?" I turned to see what they were exclaiming about. It was me. They were mocking me, an over weight person at the gym. My world crashed in around itself. I ended up in therapy for a bit to deal with the mental implications of feeling like I was being constantly judged. It took a while, but I was able to deal with it eventually, but yes.. people do look at you and judge you. What you have to do is learn to just not give a darn.

    Gareth Ratcliffe
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    100% true. If you feel anybody is or is going to be thinking about you or what you are doing in a particular place, they are not. A lot of bad stuff goes on and nobody bats an eyelid. Why would they be bothered by you walking into a room or going about your daily business.

    Lizzie Andricks
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    humans are predators. we're hard-wired to pay attention to movement and sound.

    Adam Belaire
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unless everyone calls out your name in unison. Everybody knows your name and they're always glad you came.

    #15

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy Not from a therapist, but from pre-marital counseling: Don’t try to “win” an argument with your spouse. It’s the two of you vs. the problem, not the the two of you vs. each other.

    Bluedevil_10 , Charlie Foster Report

    Daniel Aaron
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Some christian churches & religious organizations actually require pre marital counseling prior to performing the ceremony. All 3 of my sisters & their soon to be husbands had to do this before being married in the church they were raised in.

    Gareth Ratcliffe
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Surely you shouldn't get married if you need PRE marital counselling?!

    Raven DeathShade
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I believe it's a sort of class to help you get ready for marriage :).

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    #16

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy Progress not perfection. As someone who has *extremely* high standards for myself I have to repeat this on the daily

    driftwood-and-waves , RODNAE Productions Report

    badger
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.

    JB
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Interesting. In business analysis we refer to this as “analysis paralysis”, where you get so hung up on getting it perfectly right the first time you don’t/can’t deliver anything.

    Tamra
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a phrase often used in addiction recovery, and very helpful as setbacks can be devastating.

    #17

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy To not make permanent decisions whilst in a highly emotional state

    _NotTheBang_ , cottonbro Report

    Ashley Schriber
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What the f***k is supposed to be going on in this picture

    Sarah K
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He's passing a kidney stone. She's checking their calendar and telling him they have to leave at 6 to get to their dinner reservations on time. He's about to scream he wants a divorce because of her lack of empathy for his kidney stone pain. But. He needs to remember not to make permanent decisions whilst in a highly emotional state.

    Load More Replies...
    Monika Nowak
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My approach is that there are no permanent decisions, people change, either grow or decline, there is no "permanence" in life to start with and sometimes emotional decisions are good ones, talking from experience.

    Bored Retsuko
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, but... a bit unrealistic. The moment you have an important decision to make, you will get emotional, well, because you have an important decision to make! (My personal experience, I must admit though I have a particular problem with decision making)

    Sarah Marie
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's how serwes sides happen :(

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    #18

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy How people treat you is THEIR karma. How YOU respond is your karma.

    alaskadavis , Christina @ wocintechchat.com Report

    Susan Bosse
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I believe this fully. There's a lot I'd like to do to someone else but that's not karma I would EVER want. Lol

    #19

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy My worth is not determined by my productivity. Being raised by a workaholic Marine and then having a series of nightmare bosses led me to have a severe guilt spiral if I spent a most of day not "doing" something.

    kayarreff , Mikhail Nilov Report

    Shane S
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This was a change for me when I started working from home. I felt guilty starting that load of laundry. Or running to the coffee shop on the clock. But if the work gets done, what does it matter? I just work faster than my colleagues because I’m better and more familiar with technology.

    Linden
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Rest is an important and valuable use of time. As is fun and enjoyment.

    Aksa
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am struggling with the same problem. Additionally, my parents' sick ambitions ruined my dreams and my self-esteem

    #20

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy People don’t care. They are not talking behind my back or thinking how I’m fat and ugly or that my shoes are wrong. People don’t care about me. And if they are? Who cares? Literally changed my anxiety. Also works in the sense that most people in my life have not cared about me and I need to stop trying to please people that don’t care about ME.

    princessbitch123 Report

    Jill Rhodry
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Those who care don't matter; those who matter don't care.

    Shane S
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Humans are innately selfish. But ironically that’s a good thing for those of us who worry about what others think.

    julie son
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It took me a long time to learn to choose whose opinion matter to me. My insecurities were given people I neither respected, nor liked the power to hurt my feelings, and it took me a long time to realize that that is crazy. It was empowering to burst one day to my parents "Stop giving me advice on how to live my life. You both made messes out of yours, and, while I understand that it was the best you could do, in no way I want to emulate either one of you!" Cathartic.

    Gareth Ratcliffe
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is true, no matter what you do, wear or say. 99.9% of people couldn't care less. They will not remember, they have their own lives.

    Jode Mode
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yas! And though it’s hard to internalize sometimes, I like the saying: What other people think of me is none of my business

    #21

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy You cannot help people unless and until you help yourself. My therapist asked me how I would explain the scars I had to future partners or future children one day. Do you want them to know that you were in a not so good place with your mental health but got help or do you tell them nothing? Also when I was a teenager and had just been released from the adolescent inpatient ward, I was nervous about going back to school, my therapist just looked me straight in the eye and said I owed no one any explanations but I also could tell people nicely to get bent. She is one of the reasons why I became a social worker.

    Helpful-Obligation57 , Dominik Lange Report

    Jode Mode
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Love this! An analogy from a program I’ve been in half my life: You have to take care of yourself before you can help anybody else. If you’re in an airplane and oxygen masks come down, you put yours on first, then your kids. It doesn’t make sense to do it the other way because you might not be around after putting one on somebody else.

    #22

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy I’ve struggled with infertility and I’m now sterile. It was a b***h to get through but my therapist taught me a few things. Other peoples situations have nothing to do with me. People I’m close to are going to get pregnant and have kids. It’s ok for me to feel jealous and upset for a bit but that I needed to realize that it’s a part of life, and holding onto that anger wasn’t going to be good for me. Let it go. I still get bitter sometimes but I find it easier to let it go now and not let it consume me. To not blame myself. I kept coming up with reasons for my infertility, things I thought I could’ve done differently and maybe if I did this or didn’t do that this wouldn’t have happened to me when in all actuality there wasn’t anything I really could’ve done. I have a medical condition and I got the s**t end of the stick. Not to feel guilty. I felt so much guilt, because my husband wants to be a father so badly. I sometimes felt so bad he married me, and thought I wouldn’t blame him if he left me for someone who could give him children. He’s told me again and again he loves me and if we never have kids it’s ok because he has me. I didn’t feel I deserved that kind of love and sometimes it’s hard to accept but I’m so grateful for it. I do deserve love, I’m more than my ability to have children and it’s been a hard road to finally start having some acceptance of that. If I hadn’t met my therapist I think I would just be in such a terrible state.

    KayOh19 , Fa Barboza Report

    Planetamy
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Adopt, we did. Having kids that look like you is overrated.

    Celeste Grant
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Adoption is a different issue to infertility and should be treated as such. It's not open to everyone who struggles with infertility, nor is it the responsibility of those who can't have children to adopt. I'm happy that you did adopt and it worked did you, but it isn't easy or even possible for some. We need to be careful when suggesting this to those who don't have children as it can be as hurtful as disclosing that you can't have kids. It's the standard response, as if people had never considered it. It's better to not ask in the first place.

    Load More Replies...
    Celeste Grant
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thank you, this is very helpful and words I need to remind myself of when I'm struggling.

    #23

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy I had confidence issues and the therapist said "on a scale from 1 to 10 with 10 being a famous movie star with millions of fans, and 1 being a homeless person screaming at people on the street. 5 being you can hold a conversation where do you put yourself." I realised I wasn't as bad as I thought.

    Never_comment_polite , Campaign Creators Report

    Nata Oberg
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This shows a lot about the judgement and disrespect the therapist has for unhoused folks with mental illness… wow. As a therapist working with highly vulnerable populations, this attitude is very sad and complicit with a sick system.

    julie son
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Actually, a therapist's concern is the patient they work with at the time, and this one said what his/her patient needed to hear, and it clearly helped. In no way does it show judgement or disrespect, it just said "you are doing better than you think". Your interpretation is the judgmental one, and, frankly, your last sentence definitely comes across as humble bragging.

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    Jode Mode
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a self barometer of my emotions based on a -10 to 10 scale; this is how I found out I was misdiagnosed with bipolar. I never went from +10 to -10, I was usually at zero to begin with and then went down. With my mental and emotional issues, my goal in life is to be at zero - not necessarily happy, but have the absence of misery. I think one can do a lot of reflecting using a scale like that.

    #24

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy You know, most people don't actually feel guilty when saying "no" to someone or something. They don't rush to "fill the gap", or find alternative solutions that make everyone happy, or dwell on the awfulness of it all. They just say "no" and move on to the next thought. I don't know why it was such a startling revelation, but it made sense immediately after I heard it.

    grumpy_hedgehog , David Gor Report

    Magpie
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    " No, thank you" may be a little easier to say than just the "No".

    #25

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy If you spend time stressing or worrying about something that *might* happen or *before* it happens, you're putting yourself through it twice. If worst case scenario *does* happen, then once is enough.

    SabrinaSpellman1 , TUBARONES PHOTOGRAPHY Report

    Debbie Friis-Pettitt
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not sure I completely agree with this. If I know a bad situation is possible. It helps me to think it through with a reasonable response so that I am not caught off guard. I am able to face a situation with a pre planned response. It’s no different than physically being prepared for a disaster. Like the saying goes: “It’s better to have it and not need it, then to need it and not have it.”

    Crystal Clements
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That’s a fine coping mechanism for a neurotypical mind, but for those with anxiety that preparation never stops and the worst case scenarios keep magnifying. You can’t prepare for everything and it’s ok to be caught off guard. It’s a part of life.

    Load More Replies...
    julie son
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's healthier to believe that you can cope with the unexpected, than you obsess with anything that might go wrong, and think you have to have a contingency plan for everything.

    RyanRyanRyan
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also don't stress about things totally out of your control. It can't help and will hurt.

    Sharon Peters
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Our fears and anxieties appear in front of us as a brick wall, get closer and find it's tissue paper with bricks painted on. Walk right on through

    #26

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy She told me not to think about a Pink Elephant. I didn’t know what she meant at the time, but she gave me a few moments to think. I was trying not to think about a pink elephant but it’s all I could think about because she told me not to think about it. After the time was up, she asked me what I was thinking about. I told her I was thinking about a pink elephant. She told me that the more you try not to think about something, and push it to the back of your mind; the more you tend to think about it. This is why my thoughts were consuming me and I was having awful flashbacks. Thanks to her, I have been able to manage my PTSD, depression and anxiety. She was lovely.

    ZoeDurrant1601 , Geran de Klerk Report

    Shane S
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Our brains don’t like being told “no. Don’t. You can’t.”

    #27

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy Just because you think a thought, it does not mean that thought controls your destiny or defines who you are. Our minds come up with some really weird s**t... and that's okay. They're just thoughts. How we choose to feel or act is what really counts.

    Xerxes2004 , Tingey Injury Law Firm Report

    Shane S
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I find that obsessing on a thought or its origin is much more torturous than just allowing myself to think it and then letting it go.

    Sharon Peters
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oprah said that worrying is praying for what you don't want

    #28

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy That my traumatized child self still lives rent free in my head, and that's okay, but that we are not the same person any more, so their fears and hurts should not stop my present from being happy. That I don't have to prove my worth through deeds and self-sacrifice. My worth is intrinsic. That people can love you and mean well and still hurt me, so I shouldn't be afraid to voice those hurts. Those are just a few. She was great.

    potatobutton , Ksenia Makagonova Report

    Brian bell
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I just wish I could accept that my worth is intrinsic.

    Whitefox
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It is!! I know it's hard to accept, just know this one single netizen believes in you and thinks you are worthwhile.

    Load More Replies...
    CelticElff
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wish I could upvote this x 3,000. "[M]y traumatized child self still lives rent free in my head, and that's okay" - she lives there, and I try to nurture her at every opportunity. It's slow progress, but I *AM* making progress.

    #29

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy People lie with their words not their actions.

    timmyisserpico , Mikhail Nilov Report

    General Anaesthesia
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't know, maybe ask any groomed or jilted lover or so if actions can't lie.

    JB
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ya, no. Unfortunately not true. Some people lie with their actions until they think they have you locked in. Then they sneak small actions in but tell you it’s all in your head. Until you start questioning your sanity.

    Hanni
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What? They lie with their actions too.

    Erin E
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think this one is meaning they can say all the right things, but if they aren’t there for you, their actions prove otherwise. Worded a bit strangely… but likely in the context of the session, it may make more sense.

    Whitefox
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My ex would tell me alllllll the time how much he loved me. He still cheated multiple times, was wasteful with my money and my heart. My husband now? Says he's loves me but not as often, what he does is shows me a hundred small but very significant ways all day every day.

    #30

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy Be kind and unconditionally loving toward yourself as though you were a little kid. A lot of us still have some trace of feeling like a child left within us, but we can still be inwardly harsh and cruel in ways we would never be to the softest parts of ourselves if they were manifested into another being.

    threecolorless , Taisiia Stupak Report

    XenoMurph
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is true. But sometimes we have to confront ourselves, and be brutally honest. We cannot give in to our worst impluses, alcohol, drugs, even self pity, are all addictive and take inner strength.

    RedMarbles
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think these are directed toward people who have a mental health issue pertinent to the advice. So this one would be for people who are frequently and unnecessarily cruel to themselves (usually due to adopting the inner voices of critical caregivers from childhood). It's not advocating that people ignore their faults in general or refuse to work on them.

    Load More Replies...
    I love the 80’s
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I read this on BP and it's been the most helpful: "Some of you still carry the wounds of being mistreated by parents or partners. I hope you know that not everyone is annoyed with you, not everyone is upset with you, not everyone is rooting for you to fail. Grant yourself the same kindness you give to others."

    #31

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy You have to advocate for yourself because nobody else will.

    PMYOURBOOBOVERFLOW Report

    Anonymous
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is so true!!!! Took me a long time to learn but it has really helped me

    #32

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy I can't fix something I can't face. She compared it to a garishly painted room in your home. If you cannot face the fact that it has a terrible decor, then you'll just shut the door and avoid it. But every time you walk by the closed door, it causes tension and anxiety. Gotta open the door. Gotta assess what's wrong, truly and honestly face it, then plan how to re paint. It's the only way. If you blindly enter and frantically throw whitewash over it, it'll just make it worse.

    AhFFSImTooOldForThis , Kenny Eliason Report

    #33

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy There are only two things in life I HAVE TO DO: 1. I have to die one day 2. whatever I decide to do, I have to live with the consequences The rest is completely up to me. I had problems with perfectionism and burnout and eventually everything stressed me out because I had the feeling that I had to do things for my job and felt trapped in it, for my family etc all the time and I completely lost myself. So this changed a lot for me. I don't have to be productive all day but I can decide to be. I don't have to do the dishes for example. The consequence is that I'll come into a dirty kitchen the next morning and I hate that. So instead of having do to it (and feel overwhelmed by "all the work I have to do"), I decide that I'd rather WANT to do it. Change the wording. It doesn't sound like much but it changed everything for me.

    batsbookstea , Catt Liu Report

    #34

    That helping others is a way of avoiding helping myself.

    mantaz603 Report

    #35

    You can only physically cry for about an hour and a half… I always held back from letting it all out and having a good cry because I was scared I wouldn’t be able to stop. She told me to embrace the tears and let it out as my body would shut it down after 90 min. She was right.

    McWeeeeeee Report

    Monika Nowak
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm wondering if she told you it's an hour would your body "shut down" after 60 mins - the power of mind?

    Laugh or not
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The time may change from people to people, but it remains essentially true: you have a limited amount of tears inside yourself and it takes some time to replenish if you cry continuously; ans crying and being all over the place tires you. Think of children crying themselves to sleep.

    Load More Replies...
    #36

    That there are no pre-conditions that need to be met before you set a boundary. I spent decades of my life trapped wondering how my needs might make people feel, or what they might think. Turns out, my needs are valid and I don't need permission to express them to the world. Go figure!

    drinkycrowmorbio Report

    #37

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy That a lot of the things I dread that I “have to do” are completely optional things that I don’t in fact have to do. I remember my psychiatrist listening to me talk about seeing a family member and how difficult our relationship can be and how the holidays were stressful because of the extra time around them, and he just said “You don’t have to be around them.” And it’s more complicated than that, most things are, but it was kind of the first time that I started to see that my time is valuable and that I don’t have to do things that affect me negatively.

    Frequent_Criticism , Hannah Busing Report

    boredkoala
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is not really good mindset if you're dealing with anxiety and avoidance tho 😬

    #38

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy That what happened to me was not my fault

    Tricky-Ant-8505 , Olivier Piquer Report

    #39

    When people show you who they are, believe them.

    Mo_Jack Report

    #40

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy If you are anxious around crowds, try to observe instead of walking your mind how you might look, how to act, how to be funny, what they think about you etc... This technique of not turning into myself but actively trying to just observe made me not only a better listener, but much less awkward, too.

    Dean_Forrester , mauro mora Report

    Luna Crow
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I resonate with this feeling. Most times my anxiety is taking over, it's because I'm focusing too much inward. And the truth is that no one else is really watching/caring. Refocusing outward becomes like a new superpower, because you get out of your head, and are probably observing a lot that others miss

    #41

    Got lucky and ended up with a great therapist. Some might ask you about your upbringing or your parents and try to dig into your past for answers. Some will teach you to have higher self. Mine taught me to have no esteem. Don’t carry around a story of myself with me all the time. Just to live in the moment and be present. He taught me the difference between the mind and awareness. He didn’t care about my past or my upbringing. Just taught me a different way of thinking, a different mindset. Not a lot bothers me anymore. I feel a lot more like my younger self before I developed an ego. That’s really the point. To no longer try to satisfy the ego because it’s insatiable. You can never fulfill it.

    1Reddituser8675309 Report

    Tuna Fish
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This one really resonates. I have had that flash of "why hasn't this past b.s. been an issue with me before". I never worried about my upbringing when I left home at 18 because I was leaving it all behind and looking to the future. It wasn't until the world made me think there was something wrong with me that I started looking for reasons why in my past. I remember the day I figured out everyone's past is a bit f***ed up and I was no worse than any of them. I've just never been able to figure out how not to obsess over my image to others. I think I'm gonna look into it further.

    Martina Moreau
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    sounds like Buddhist Philosophy to me, I resonate with this one

    #42

    It’s a cycle until you break it.

    marshiemalone Report

    #43

    "Giving someone a puppy is a nice gesture, but not if they weren't asking for one." The lesson was that your intentions, that may be coming from a good place, are not always welcomed by someone else and can be perceived as a burden or extra responsibility to consider in daily life. Got me to step back from the situation I was trying my best to "fix" and evaluate the motivations for my behavior and actions. Some things cannot be fixed by doing "nice" things. Early-20s were a rollercoaster.

    MyNameIsZa2 Report

    #44

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy You have to accept yourself (the good and the bad) for who you are in order to love yourself and make healthier decisions. It isn't healthy to complely block out, ignore, or deny those less desirable parts of yourself because they always come back to haunt you. But remember that the *good you* is in control. Think of yourself as a bus driver with your passengers being different aspects of your personality, each with a different way of thinking and unique emotional state of being. Regardless of whether or not passengers are following the rules, it is your job to get them to their destinations safely. However, if a passenger is a troublemaker (eg. an aspect of your personality that leads to bad decisions) and tries to take over the steering wheel, just tell them, "I appreciate you wanting to drive for me [fill in the blank], but right now I don't need you. Please have a seat in the back of the bus." There's a bit more to it, but this analogy really stuck with me.

    frog_without_a_cause , Lisanto 李奕良 Report

    RedMarbles
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Internal Family Systems therapy. Very helpful for a lot of people.

    #45

    To be okay with others not being okay.

    Thornbelina Report

    #46

    Not my therapist, but my father was a clinical psychologist for about 35 years. “Never ascribe rational behavior or thought to a fundamentally irrational person.” My MIL had extensive mental health problems and several self-destructive tendencies as a result. You can’t reason her into good behavior because she didn’t reason herself out of it.

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    #47

    30 Incredibly Useful Things People Heard While In Therapy You have choices, you have options and despite what people may tell you, remember it's never up to anyone else. You are always in charge of your life.

    Fudgeislush , Snapwire Report

    Bored Retsuko
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Toxic positivity imho. There are loads of things you can't control.

    Boris’ Mom
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But ultimately, you are, at the end of the day, the one who decides how you will act or react to a given event. You can decide to freak out (oh my God, this is too much, I can't handle this...), OR, you can decide, aww man, what a pain, BUT, I'll deal with it, knowing things will work out and be okay.

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    Rider
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Constantly reminding myself of this.

    #48

    Focus on what you can control.

    ov3rcl0ck Report

    Rider
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Had to remind myself of this one yesterday.

    #49

    That I am enough. I don't need to seek validation from others in order to feel like I belong and if I don't belong, that's okay.

    desirepink Report

    #50

    The biggest one that stuck with me is “you are not responsible for other peoples emotions” When he said it initially I blew it off, but I really thought about it on my way home and it has stuck with me so much since then (nearly 5 years ago) Saved my life quite literally and has lead to some of the best years of my life.

    ZedZed5 Report

    #51

    That I had 100% been slapped across the face by life for about ten years straight and was completely justified in being “Broken”… I had lived most my life wondering why I just can’t function like my Friends and/or Family. Tons of comparisons, every minute of every day, living with massive Anxiety and Depression just always saying to myself “Why can’t I just ______?”. One day, years into therapy, he sends me home with a project; We called it my “Timeline of Tragedy”. From the time I was a teen well into my late twenties I had not gone a single year, sometimes just months, without losing someone close, often tragically, or watching someone die in a random event… seemed to always be me finding the body or being “First on Scene”; Heart Attacks (Yes, multiple), ODs (also multiple) Suicides (You get the idea), Gunshot wounds, Traffic accidents/DUIs, you name it. I lived most my life assuming people have seen the things I’d seen and just went about their day and I judged myself so harshly for not being “Normal/Functional”… turns out, most people haven’t gone through even a fraction of that. I got b***h slapped by life for a while and just assumed “That’s life”. However, now knowing that, the self judgment disappeared, I was willing to work on myself in a much healthier way, my Anxiety was more manageable, and I’ll forever remember how monumentally that single day/project in Therapy changed my entire life.

    StanFitch Report

    El Dee
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had therapy a few times but the first made me notice that when I related why I was in not such a good way that my therapist actually looked shocked. I was sure they were supposed to be impassive. She wasn't. Made me realise my life had been genuinely awful and I had good reason to feel how I did..

    #52

    That I wasn’t an unreasonably angry child like I was told all throughout childhood. I was a trauma survivor who displayed blatant signs of ptsd. Only then did I recognize that I was a victim and that I do still suffer from ptsd. My therapist helping me to acknowledge the hurt and pain definitely helped to kickstart the healing.

    QueenOfDarkne53 Report

    #53

    The only way out is through. I spent years trying to move past my trauma and negative thinking by pushing it down and trying to be positive in its place. But by doing so, I was invalidating it to myself. The only way I was ever able to heal from it was to accept that it happened and allow myself to grieve/feel that pain.

    sangosfire Report

    Martina Moreau
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The grief and pain wait for you. They don't go away until you go through it. They're very patient.

    #54

    I was a counselling student - things I learnt from my professor: 1. Any decide you made at any moment, was the best decision you could have made. Even ‘if you could go back’ and tell yourself not to do something, you will and it’s okay. 2. Whatever it is, you are most likely to get over it. Feel it, process it and move on. Digging into it at all times will not do any good, take your time, and slowly drop it. Therapy is to process and move on, not discuss things to death.

    Doesnotmatter0795 Report

    Brenda Spagnola-Wilson
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You can only do the best you can do IN THAT MOMENT!

    #55

    I started seeing a therapist when I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease last year. At the time it was severe and it consumed me entirely, it was like nothing else existed in my world. I was in pain all the time and honestly just wanted to die. She told me “you are not your disease” and it made me cry lol. I had been so caught up in it I didn’t really see myself as a person apart from that. Yes it’s a part of me that I’ll never get rid of, but there are other aspects to me as well. She made me feel like a person again. I think it’s important not to get too caught up in any one thing - don’t let just one thing define you. You’re a whole person with many interests, ideas, ambitions, pastimes, etc. If one thing goes downhill, you’ve always got other things going for you.

    pootypie Report

    #56

    That my thoughts aren’t necessarily fact.

    m0zz1e1 Report

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    #57

    Praise the effort, not the goal. If you judge success ONLY by where you want to be, you’ll have more failures than success. Give yourself a break and be proud of yourself for even the smallest strides you take.

    Ok_Farm_8397 Report

    #58

    I think one of the best things you can learn from a therapist is how to forgive yourself. It's tough out there and sometimes we are tougher on ourselves than we know. Took me a LONG time to forgive myself in my problems. And take my word for it, after you spend years blaming others (rightfully so too) it can be hard looking at yourself

    doooplers Report

    #59

    You can quit a job if it’s hurting you. I had a nervous breakdown when I started my first bar management job. New mom working 60-70 hour weeks for a woman that was an alcoholic. When I wasn’t at the restaurant I constantly got phone calls and texts. I felt like I was trapped. My therapist compared it to an abusive boyfriend. YOU are forever, jobs are not and no job is worth losing yourself over.

    euphoriasbox Report

    Shane S
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Please leave toxic jobs. I had a terrible, manipulative boss who very literally made me not care about life. I wasn’t in a state of self-h arm but at the same time, I didn’t care if anything happened to me. Finally got out of there and it made all the difference. It’s not worth it! I promise!

    #60

    How to meditate. Seriously, were you aware that active thinking was optional? And you can just choose to...not? Mindfulness Meditation. Get on that bandwagon and thank me later.

    faux_glove Report

    Gremlan jonnson
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Few things stress me out more than mindfulness exercises, I honestly hate it

    Martina Moreau
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mindfulness meditation changed my life. I am aware of my thoughts and feelings but I don't let them control me. I notice them and let them float away. I think before I speak, I am more compassionate and aware. Keep at it, it will click in eventually and change your life.

    Azolane
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm so tired of hearing about that mindfulness meditation bullcrap like it's some sort of magical cure-it-all.

    El Dee
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People who feel that way don't understand it. How it works is that you control your breathing and concentrate on it until you have slowed it down (like how it is when you're really relaxed) This physical actional tricks the mind into ACTUALLY relaxing. It's the exact opposite of a panic attack and you can get so good with practise that it takes hardly any time at all to produce the results needed..

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    Luna Crow
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Cool story bro. Now tell us how we can "just choose to not?"

    #61

    Depression will have a harder time finding you if you're a moving target. -Jane (my therapist)

    eatshoney Report

    #62

    It isn't healthy to be turned off by openly given interest and instead long to achieve the attention of disinterested, distant people. This is likely your subconscious trying to fix an abandonment which hasn't healed. People who are freely, easily interested in you aren't wrong or weird, they're just genuine and you're allowed to accept that.

    teniaret Report

    #63

    Be the person that you needed when were a kid. Also, be the first advocate of your own happiness.

    Human_Shallot_7506 Report

    #64

    People don’t “make you mad” you allow yourself to get mad over people. One of the few things you have absolute power over in this world is how make yourself think. Never under any circumstances should you give that power over to anyone else for any reason.

    MrOddYazz Report

    Rider
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Anger is a defense mechanism to emotional or psychological pain or the perception of it.

    #65

    Thoughts, feelings and behaviour. How we think determines how we feel, which can determine how we act towards or about something. Literally every time you feel blue, down in the dumps, or just overall s**t (mentally), there's a thought that's caused you to feel that way. Sometimes it's difficult to actually determine what the thought was... In my experience, the process happened so quickly that for a while I really didn't even believe my therapist when she tried to assure me there was a thought, I was just moving through the process so quickly that it was difficult to figure out. It took a while, but eventually I understood my brain enough to start reflecting back on moments, and figure out what the thoughts were my head was having to cause me to feel to damn blue and respond the way I was responding (very irrationally and would basically just have an emotional explosion). The more you understand and become familiar with your brain, the more control you begin to have over it and how it makes you feel. 🙂

    Avocadoness24 Report

    Judy Reynolds
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This really resonates with me. I am going to have to spend time with the ideas, and see how I can implement them into my own brain.

    #66

    Not everything is my fault and I shouldn’t feel guilty about things that are outside of my control It is okay to get upset when people cross clear boundaries you have set up and verbalized Also, not every therapist is going to be a good fit and it is okay to find someone you vibe with instead of remaining uncomfortable

    mllechattenoire Report

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    #67

    The best thing I ever learned from a therapist was how to be more self-aware and understand my own emotions and triggers. This has helped me be more understanding and patient with myself, as well as others.

    snijegfs Report

    #68

    That if someone does me wrong is not up to me to fix the situation

    the-vh4n Report

    #69

    Your feelings are always valid. What you do with them may not always be, but you can’t control how you feel about something and there’s no use feeling bad about that.

    an_ineffable_plan Report

    #70

    My therapist has helped me in so many ways but a neat trick I learned was to use the time I'd spend overthinking on self care. It's simple really I just do my nails or something but it's signals to my brain that I care about myself instead of doing the opposite.

    bootsandcats420 Report

    #71

    You should get 80% of your attachment needs met from yourself

    Ok_Butterscotch512 Report

    #72

    Nobody can see you beating yourself up over mistakes and insecurities so you don’t have to do it because it’s meaningless self abuse

    jaydemm17 Report

    #73

    That no matter how much my brain or mental health diagnosis tries to convince me otherwise, I am still 100% in control of (and responsible for) my behavior.

    robbycakes Report

    #74

    Holding grudges and being unforgiving hurts you more than the other person/people. You can’t experience other peoples feelings. So whatever you’re going through in terms of hate or inability to forgive someone else is purely your feelings/burden. Forgiving doesn’t mean you’ll be best friends with someone. It means you’ll create the right space and mindset to make peace with stuff that used to weigh you down. Tension is harmful.

    ymele137 Report

    #75

    Forever an addict, but no longer addicted. Addiction is a disease you'll fight the rest of your life

    Team_Amazing Report

    #76

    They called it the ABC method and really helped with my anxious thoughts/triggers. Example: something happens (A) and it causes an emotional response (C). I would assume it's the event that caused my emotional response - which it can be, depending on the event. Buuuut for me anyway, my overthinking/anxious thoughts (B) about the event would trigger an irrational emotional response. So if I something triggered me and I feel that intense "fight or flight" response I take some time to think about why I'm feeling upset before reacting to whatever just happened to see if my emotional response is "valid".

    soaringsquidshit Report

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    #77

    Your parents aren’t going to change so accept that and learn to manage how you feel and not how they act.

    weirdkid71 Report

    #78

    How I acted as a teenager doesn't define who I am as an adult

    transzient Report

    #79

    Not to avoid your feelings and emotions. Allow yourself to process your feelings and emotions and take as long as you need to fully process them.

    Chrisnyc47 Report

    #80

    You have no need to conform to a world that will never treat you right.

    MisterXnumberidk Report

    #81

    If something goes wrong, it doesn't have to be somebody's fault.

    Deadcat1990 Report

    #82

    Can't change other people, can only change myself.

    clarkeadg Report

    Vix Spiderthrust
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A guy I know illustrates this with a hula hoop. Take the hoop. Lie it on the floor. Step into the hoop. Everything that is in the hoop, you can control. Everything else is beyond your control so don't stress over it.

    #83

    How I view, think and talk about myself with others has a direct influence on how others interact with me. That I actually have rather unhealthy perception of relationships - not everyone thinks badly about me and just because I don't hear from someone, it doesn't mean they don't think about me or that I am not important to them. It's really ok to put yourself, your emotions and needs first. It's ok to feel whatever you feel but still try to question if the person meant it the way you perceived/heard it.

    witchdoctorhazel Report

    #84

    You can step back and think about your thoughts. I know that sounds obvious, but it was not obvious to me as an angry, sad, 17 year old. Diagnosed with ADHD at 30. That advice probably saved me from making a ton of impulsive mistakes over the years.

    deleted Report

    #85

    It’s probably pretty obvious but it wasn’t for me. She said that not everything is either “good” or “bad”, but there are a lot of things that are just neutral. For example, saying “no” to a person’s request is not bad, it’s just neutral. I was so used to seeing everything in black and white that I had never even considered this.

    Stableinstability1 Report

    Martina Moreau
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    sometimes it takes a second person looking in to tell you what was there all along. We get so stuck in our ways of thinking that we can't see a way out. I'm glad this person was able to show you a different way.

    #86

    When talking about my trauma and how I still felt so haunted by it she told me "you don't have to move on, but you have to find a way to move forward".

    wrapped-in-rainbows Report

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    #87

    I could keep my friend's memory alive by remembering the good times rather than by continuing to mourn her.

    OkBoysenberry3636 Report

    #88

    My parents relationship is not my responsibility. This should have been very obvious to me, but it wasn’t. I had this huge weight on my shoulders and when she told me that it’s not my job to worry about or to fix their relationship, it truly made the biggest difference. I began focusing on myself and I became less anxious over time.

    StructureFamiliar469 Report

    #89

    How to "ground" myself. Breathe deeply, in and out, and focus on three words. He picked kind, gentle, and safe for me to meditate on. Do this everyday for 3-5 minutes before work as it reduces my anxiety which improves my guest relations.

    dumbwithquestions Report

    #90

    Be selfish and prioritise your emotional needs.

    anxiousnoodlesoup Report

    Martina Moreau
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's okay to be selfish because you can't be there for someone else unless you are there for yourself first.

    #91

    The so called 'stream of consciousness' is actually a stream. It ebs and flows and may give you some dark thoughts and emotions. It's natural. But as it flows on, you can float back into a better part of the stream.

    father_jarman Report

    #92

    The negative voice in my head isn't mine. When I hear it telling me bad things about myself, or when it's owner says those things irl, I need to tell myself "not my circus, not my monkeys" (ie, that's not my problem, that's their problem)

    poisonpurple Report

    #93

    At one point I went to a hypnotherapist and she taught me a way to address all of the guilt that was following me. She said to treat my right hand as though it was the part of myself that was telling me I had done something wrong, and my left hand as the part of me that just wanted to rest and be free. She taught me to first address that right hand and thank it for the important job it was doing-stopping me from repeating whatever it was I felt guilty about. Then, I could tell that part of me that it was doing a great job and it could settle down and let the left hand take over. That really helped me understand the role that all that guilt was playing and helped me recognize on an emotional level that as long as I was learning and growing from my past experiences, I could move on and not let the memories destroy my present life.

    wandering_w0ndering Report

    #94

    Anger is another word for grief.

    literanch Report

    #95

    If a day wasn't bad it was a good day. Also self acceptance, which made me figuring out my sexuality a breeze

    The_Blue_DmR Report

    #96

    That a memory, not spoken, leaves you at the age of the memory. Saved my life after a lot of self-hate.

    dlukeallen702 Report

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    #97

    That I have Asperger's. It put everything that has always been different about me into perspective.

    yeahwellokay Report

    #98

    That I tend to have serious, and occasionally detrimental, anger issues toward authority figures who(m) I don't respect. When the therapist told me that, it seemed so obvious that I wondered how I hadn't recognized it sooner. Now that I am more aware of it, I can better deal with it.

    Box_Springs_Burning Report

    #99

    I need to update my narrative. I was holding on to things I believed to be true in my early 20s that just don’t apply in my early 30s. For example “I don’t like dates, I’m really bad at them, I can only date people I’ve been friends with” …. Nooo in your early 20s you had no work, travel or life experience so you found dates scary. They’re not that bad and you actually enjoy them now. Also all that fear was getting in the way of chemistry - you can like a new person without being friends first!

    Empty-Comparison1904 Report

    #100

    That there's a big difference between selfishness and self awareness. self awareness is knowing a situation is toxic and making the best decision for yourself. Its not necessarily a bad thing.

    manic_panda Report

    #101

    That if you put effort into something, you should see results. Many things do take effort, but sometimes we continue banging our heads against the wall because X, Y, or Z is known to be hard/difficult. Hard or difficult doesn't mean no progress, it just means it requires effort vs happening largely on its own.

    capsaicin1976 Report

    #102

    You are the average of the 3 people you spend the most time with. So if you have a "friend" who you're trying to help/save, it's really just bringing you down

    Inuyasha-rules Report

    RedMarbles
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This seems like a very strange thing for a therapist to say. I'm guessing this person was involved in a toxic relationship that they needed to separate from, which is why they got the second part of the advice, but I can't imagine a qualified therapist telling people they become who they spend time with.

    #103

    I've learned a lot of things from therapists, but the most helpful for me has been Family Systems. I learned that there are many different "parts" of me that are doing what they think is best for me, but often those parts don't function in a way that is sustainably good for me as an entire person. In my case, most of the time these parts are on overdrive, and I need to recognize them and have compassion for what they are trying to accomplish, while at the same time releasing them from that responsibility, because often these parts engage in coping mechanisms that I developed at a young age that aren't up to the task of dealing with life as an adult. For example, there's a part of me that is a critic, and it is constantly criticizing me for any small errors I make. That's not *me* that is doing the criticizing per se, it's just a small part of me, and being self-critical is definitely helpful in life, but not when it is taken to an extreme. I grew up in a chaotic household, and learned to cope with this chaos by trying to be the "perfect" child, in opposition to the chaos, which is a completely unattainable goal. Nevertheless, I developed an extremely active inner critic to try to help me be the perfect child. What that turned into was a never-ending inner monologue about every small thing I failed at or got wrong. So I've worked on noticing when I'm being very self-critical, not blaming myself harshly for being extremely self-critical (because it's just one part of me that is engaging in that behavior, and it's just trying to do what's best for me), and trying to release that part of me from that responsibility.

    slowlythrough Report

    #104

    Cognitive defusion techniques, so that when my brain starts being a jerk I can defuse myself from those thoughts and continue with life.

    playswithf1re Report

    #105

    That i catastrophise things, i always think of what can go wrong verses what can go right Breathing is a great way to center yourself when anxiety hits. 4 seconds in, hold for 4 seconds, 4 seconds out. Anxiety iant always panic attacks, some people freeze up My total lack of drama / conflict in the early part of my life left me ill equipped to deal with it as an adult. Also, people can be literall addicted to conflict (my ex) Which lead to the fact I only pick fights (not physical ones) that i know i can win Lots of depress comes from people feeling trapped in a life situation I learned how addictive dopamine is and how you find ways to get it from (often negative) sources I fear failure so badly it often leads to not trying in the first place

    groovy604 Report

    #106

    Listen way more than you talk.

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    #107

    I recently told my parents that i thought i was addicted to abusing substances of any kind. I naturally went to therapy to get help, and after about 15 minutes, she and i figured out that, in reality, the combination of adhd and a lack of things that interest me cause me to hyperfixate on substance abuse because its the only thing stimulating enough for my brain. In short, my life is so boring through my perspective that toying with the mechanics of my brain is more interesting to me than actually trying to develop it in any way, and i may never find anything that is more stimulating to my adhd brain.

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    Martina Moreau
    Community Member
    3 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That sounds like a hard hill to climb. I hope you are able to work on stimulating your brain in a way that causes less self harm. I wish you all the best!

    #108

    My sex therapist helped me to feel okey with my kinks. Before that I was afraid to tell anyone about them out of fear to be found weird and offensive. Anxiety is a b***h.

    MightAsWell91 Report

    #109

    My mother will never mother me the way I want her to but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a healthy(ish) relationship.

    labellaitaliana Report