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Dad Lists 5 Things He Does To Help Out His Wife Now That He Wishes He’d Known Sooner
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Dad Lists 5 Things He Does To Help Out His Wife Now That He Wishes He’d Known Sooner

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There’s a lot of stuff you learn about parenting along the way. The wisdom you’ve gathered that you wish you could share with your younger self. After all, it would make a lot of lives easier. Recently, Ted Gonder, a dad of three, did just that. This fall, he penned an honest open letter to his childless 24-year-old self about how to be a supportive partner during the “becoming parents” phase.

The post instantly went viral. So far, it has received over 68K reactions and 56K shares on Facebook, with many tagging their significant others in the comments. So, while Ted’s former self might not get the message, some soon-to-be parents will probably benefit from his advice.

More info: Facebook | Instagram

Image credits: Ted Gonder

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Image credits: Ted Gonder

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After seeing Ted’s open letter go viral, his wife shared her take as well

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Image credits: Franziska Gonder

Image credits: Ted Gonder

“We didn’t do a lot of the traditional parent prep, like reading books or taking prep courses,” Ted told Bored Panda. “Our preparation path centered around a few key practices. First, we invested in strengthening our relationship by going for a walk together every morning in the forest by our house; all those steps we walked together helped us work through undiscovered differences in perspective and align as a team to prepare for parenthood.”

Image credits: Ted Gonder

“Second, we went on a ‘family retreat’ for a weekend and wrote down our family vision, values, and manifesto — a short guiding document that sets a shared vision between us of how we want our family to operate and who we want our family to become. Starting a family with your spouse is like cofounding a company, so having a clear purpose and shared North Star helps! And third, we are lucky that in our ‘preparation’, my wife was able to lean on her own mum and just pick up the phone any time she had a question.”

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Image credits: Ted Gonder

Ted believes that, to some extent, no non-parent will ever be ready to become a parent. “It is the biggest life transition most people will ever experience, and no amount of book knowledge will prepare you for all the real-life scenarios you’ll face,” he said. One thing he and his wife have noticed is how most forms of preparation focus on the baby: how to breastfeed, hold, sleep, etc. but they don’t really hear a lot of people using the pregnancy time to invest in themselves or their relationship. “For my wife, for example, she credits daily pregnancy yoga and kettlebell workouts as the main reason why she was able to birth three very large boys with relative ease and be back on her feet and very active again just a few weeks later.”

Image credits: Ted Gonder

“The first thing I will say is that being with Franziska as she became a mother made me fall in love with her all over again, and showed me yet another of the thousands of reasons why I made an amazing choice of partner and how lucky I am to have found her. I’m lucky to be married to my best friend.”

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“I personally didn’t realize the importance of working out for fatherhood until after my first son was born and I started getting backaches and tendinitis from all the carrying, so have held a rigorous exercise regime since then that’s been a game-changer,” the father continued. “But what I did do before our first was born was get a life coach who helped me get perspective on my life priorities and set a clear picture of how I could balance my work responsibilities with being a committed and engaged dad, something nobody had ever taught me how to do.”

People were deeply touched by his wise words

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Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

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I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. I kickstart my day with a mug of coffee bigger than my head, ready to tackle Photoshop. I navigate through the digital jungle with finesse, fueled by bamboo breaks and caffeine kicks. When the workday winds down, you might catch me devouring bamboo snacks while binging on the latest TV show, gaming or I could be out in nature, soaking up the tranquility and communing with my inner panda.

Read less »
Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. I kickstart my day with a mug of coffee bigger than my head, ready to tackle Photoshop. I navigate through the digital jungle with finesse, fueled by bamboo breaks and caffeine kicks. When the workday winds down, you might catch me devouring bamboo snacks while binging on the latest TV show, gaming or I could be out in nature, soaking up the tranquility and communing with my inner panda.

Rokas Laurinavičius

Rokas Laurinavičius

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

Read less »

Rokas Laurinavičius

Rokas Laurinavičius

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

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wianjama avatar
Rissie
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I honestly believe so many couples would benefit from this in stead of birthing classes. Those do not prepare anyone for what I've seen if them. There's a few things you can prepare for. Understanding how the actual process works. That it will change your life permanently and that usually hormones and sleep deprivation affect women very heavily. Empathy is the magic word that's very often left out.

wianjama avatar
Rissie
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

@Michal Men do many awful things because of hormones. No one said hormones don't affect both sexes. But in the case of giving birth to a child, the changes and demands on a woman's body are substantial. Now if you had any knowledge of giving birth or raising kids, you'd know that. I'm just promoting the idea of getting people aware beforehand in stead of letting them figuring it out by themselves. For the plain and simple reason you're mentioning. If you're prepared you can use your conscious thinking to compensate (somewhat). If you don't, hormones and sleep deprivation will take you on a wild walk. Besides that, your assumptions are hilariously uneducated.

Load More Replies...
allexa110 avatar
Aleksandra
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not "how to help your wife", it's "How to be a good partner and father". I wish everyone had such support

monika-soffronow avatar
Monika Soffronow
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish I could give you a hundred UPVOTES for this! Men should man up and shoulder their part of the jobs that need to get done. That is all there is to it.

Load More Replies...
sterrinarnold avatar
Sterrinatu
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm surprised to see the negativity in these comments. While I find this post repetitive as we have seen this kind of thing on here a few times, I don't find it offensive in any way. Some guys do need to understand it's a team effort to take care of a baby.

Load More Comments
wianjama avatar
Rissie
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I honestly believe so many couples would benefit from this in stead of birthing classes. Those do not prepare anyone for what I've seen if them. There's a few things you can prepare for. Understanding how the actual process works. That it will change your life permanently and that usually hormones and sleep deprivation affect women very heavily. Empathy is the magic word that's very often left out.

wianjama avatar
Rissie
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

@Michal Men do many awful things because of hormones. No one said hormones don't affect both sexes. But in the case of giving birth to a child, the changes and demands on a woman's body are substantial. Now if you had any knowledge of giving birth or raising kids, you'd know that. I'm just promoting the idea of getting people aware beforehand in stead of letting them figuring it out by themselves. For the plain and simple reason you're mentioning. If you're prepared you can use your conscious thinking to compensate (somewhat). If you don't, hormones and sleep deprivation will take you on a wild walk. Besides that, your assumptions are hilariously uneducated.

Load More Replies...
allexa110 avatar
Aleksandra
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not "how to help your wife", it's "How to be a good partner and father". I wish everyone had such support

monika-soffronow avatar
Monika Soffronow
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish I could give you a hundred UPVOTES for this! Men should man up and shoulder their part of the jobs that need to get done. That is all there is to it.

Load More Replies...
sterrinarnold avatar
Sterrinatu
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm surprised to see the negativity in these comments. While I find this post repetitive as we have seen this kind of thing on here a few times, I don't find it offensive in any way. Some guys do need to understand it's a team effort to take care of a baby.

Load More Comments
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