Someone Wonders “What’s The Worst ‘Cousin’ Story You’ve Ever Heard?” 36 People Respond
Relationships between cousins are complicated. And by complicated, I mean that for some people they are like siblings and best friends, but others are not so close - they don’t even know them or, for example, they don’t count them as a family member, meaning having a relationship is totally appropriate.
I’m sure many of us have read stories, seen films or TV shows where people start dating or become close friends and then find out they are actually related to each other. But it’s not always about the relationship. Sometimes, cousins, while being blood related, can have very different lifestyles and do things that make you think ‘how can we even be related’? For example, it's hard to relate to robbing somebody or trying to get rid of a cactus by kicking it.
On that note, recently, one Reddit user asked folks online to share the worst cousin stories that they have heard, and be prepared to get a little bit of a shock from reading some of them.
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I have a cousin who, in the last month or so, made local news for all the wrong reasons. He subjected his girlfriend to constant domestic abuse for years, both physical and emotional, to the point where she took her own life. He’s only serving a sentence of 3 and a half years for the abuse and not her death, but his girlfriend’s mother made a request to the local council about putting in a request to have a law amended so that anyone who inflicts domestic abuse to the point of the victim taking their life, the abuser would be charged for manslaughter.
Not sure how things work in your country, but her family could also look into a wrongful death suit where he is still held legally responsible and required to pay damages. It's not the same as a prison sentence, but it's something.
Doing a hike with two of my cousins and an uncle of ours. One of my cousins found a ball shaped cactus, and wanted to take it with him for no reason (he just thought it was cool). He didn't have any container so he had to carry it in his hand, causing the cactus to sting his fingers continually.
After a while, my uncle told him to throw it away, because he was getting harmed. My cousin did it, but in the most stupid way: He threw the cactus in the air and kicked it (like a goalkeeper) causing the damn thing to get nailed to his foot.
I once tried to harvest a prickly pear without gloves. I thought the prickles were the soft ones like store-bought cacti… they were not. I had tiny little stickers in my hands for a week.
I have a cousin who has slept with several of our first cousins. Was even going to marry one when they were teenagers. There was a letter written to my aunt, which my mom read and can vouch for. My aunt was totally fine with it, while my mom was like 'yo, what the f**k.'
For context, Indiana and Kentucky.
I have an awesome cousin story. As a kid the thing to do in our little town was go to the neighboring town to roller skate. Long story short my friend meets a girl spends all night making out with her behind the rink. End of the night my buddy decides to stay behind and wait for her parents to pick her up, being a gentleman. Monday at school I ask him “how’d the restt of the night go”. Turns out his father had an estranged brother the family never talked about. The girl was his cousin. “She didn’t want to make out anymore”
A couple years back I heard about a guy who traveled for a family reunion. He decided to have a drink at the bar near his hotel. He got into an argument with a guy at the bar and they decided to take it outside. He accidentally [ended] the other guy in the fight only to find out it was a cousin he had never met that was also there for the reunion.
I have family members who were dating each other for years and didn't know they were actually cousins.They were even planning on getting married until they found out
I have been dealing with mental health problems since I was 12 due to abuse by my dad. Where I was in my mid 30s I decided to move from Texas to Colorado so I could be closer to my mom. I have this one female cousin that is 2 years younger than me that has always had an attitude problem. Just after I moved there I was talking privately with my mom and aunt about where can I go locally to find a good doctor and then the cousin butts in claiming that I don't need a doctor, that I never had any kind of mental problems and that I was making it all up just so I can get some attention. The b***h hadn't seen me in 15 years and all of the sudden she knew everything about me. This was also what led to me and my mom stop talking to her, my aunt and her 3 older sisters.
I'm sorry you went through that. I think your cousin may benefit from some mental health help herself.
I had a friend in high school and he kept telling his attractive older female cousin seemed to be flirting with him and trying to sleep with him. We called him out for his obvious lies. I was over at his house like a month later and his cousin stopped by with her family. We were in the basement and the whole time she was flirting with him and rubbing his arms and thighs. She was his first cousin. It was like watching a modern p**n video intro.
My 29M cousin is currently doing a sort of walkabout of America. His plan is to walk across the country without any money, relying on the generosity of strangers and churches (he's a super duper Catholic). He started in New Jersey about 4 months ago and he's currently in Georgia. Most of us thought he'd be hurt or worse by now, but apparently he's been doing really well by relying on churches. One of his goals was to prove that humanity is inherently kind, which no one really agreed, and *so far* he's proved his point.
I think it's pretty admirable what he's doing, but there are some criticisms to be had. He's essentially roleplaying as a homeless man.
My cousin robbed my dying uncle, then Walmart, then sold a car he did not have a title to. He got arrested for it.
Then the story was in the news (online local paper). It read "Eric is charged with robbery, breaking and entering, and car theft".
Eric decided to comment on the story "I didn't steal a car".
Trashiest thing ever.
My cousins on one side of my family suck and are the trashiest people ever. One cousin (female) dated this poor guy, got pregnant then, had his kid. He was a super nice guy but dumb as hell. Anyway, they split up and my cousin immediately gets knocked up by her ex-boyfriends brother and had another kid.
So her kids are cousins and brothers at the same time. Jerry Springer s**t.
Not nearly as bad as some of the other stories. I was seeing this guy in high school for like a year. I have a feeling he’s cheating on me and long story short he was, we break up. I’m catching up with my cousin a couple of weeks later. She’s describing how she was seeing this guy and really liked him until she found out guy was cheating on his girlfriend with her. He cheated on me with my cousin. He also had no idea we were related he just has a type I guess.
When I was young, probably around 12-13, I was flirting with a girl that I met through a friend. She was flirting back too. She was so cute.
I asked her her full name, and I remarked, "oh, that's my mom's maiden name" (not a common name). She said, "Aunt xxx?!"
She turned white, and said "oh my God, you're my cousin", and practically ran away.
Damn!
As the band The Dead South says in the song Banjo Odyssey, "I know she's my cousin but she needs some sweet lovin' anyway!"
My cousin was a pretty big partier in college, so we all assumed he'd done more than just drink alcohol. When he was in his mid 20s, he lived in California and called his parents who lived in Florida (3 hour time difference) at like midnight Florida time yelling "I'm dying" and then hung up the phone and didn't answer when they called back. He finally called them back and kept telling them that he was dying. His girlfriend took the phone and explained that he'd eaten an edible and was totally fine, just way too high and was convinced that he was dying.
Me the first time I smoked weed 🤦♀️At least I didn't call my parents, but for sure thought I was dying and was very vocal about it.
I have a cousin who is a nurse. She rose to a small bit of TikTok fame by posting videos talking about how she would have no problem unplugging someone’s ventilator at the hospital to plug in her phone. There were a few of these videos and each one made you wonder what was wrong with her. She was promptly fired from her job.
I once walked into my cousins [making love] (brother and sister) we silently agreed nothing happened
I lived in the Middle East for two years.
Way too many women there are forced to marry their first cousin. A woman my ex knew through work was trying to escape the country after she was forced under the threat of death to marry her cousin.
Scientists looked into this and found two conflicting forces in action. People tend not to find close relatives attractive but people do subconsciously find people who look like close relatives attractive. Various tests were done and found that the decider was whether you spent a lot of time with that person as a child. So we tend not find those we were brought up with attractive. This explains why sometimes cousins, siblings and even parents and children separated at birth can unwittingly find each other wildly attractive - they didn’t grow up together but have a strong similarity.
I have to say, I find the strong reaction of US folks to this topic amusing. In many places in the world it’s not such a big deal as long as it doesn’t happen too often. Darwin, Einstein, Edgar Allan Poe, Queen Victoria, J.S.Bach all married cousins.. probably more common back in the day due to smaller populations and less travel opportunities.
Not my story, but a friend from my old work (We’ll call him P) told me one time he had a very drunk friend of his and 2 ladies come into his pub and was inviting him to spectate and possibly join in on their regular, saucy threesome.
P then recognised one of these ladies as his mates cousin and was like “You’re inviting me to watch you f**k your cousin?…” to which his friend replied very straight faced “yeah? I f**k her all the time.”
P refused to participate.
My cousin once asked if I wanted to watch a video of him [making love]. I said no so he called me gay.
When I was 8, I kissed my 7-year-old cousin. One kiss. I'm 65 now and she's 64 yet, every time the family gets together, she has to bring it up, reminding everyone that we 'made out' when we were kids.
Wow...weird and super obnoxious. Why would someone repeatedly attempt to brag about something like that? Especially if it wasn't true? 🤮
We used to go to the same campground with my cousins in the early 80's and it took me a bit to figure out they were all bullies in various degrees. I was about 14 and we all decided to take a hike on a largish mountain, and I got stuck with the male part of the three. He was about 2 years older than me and abandoned me off the trail.
I was ok at first, but it started to get dark, and I got lost. It was really disorientating and frankly terrifying. I ended up running to a ranger and they guided me back to my group. He was standing there, all grinning behind everyone's back and being a total s**t.
Turns out they kept that gimmick until I washed my hand of all of them.
I am an only child but because I was the oldest cousin on my mother's side my aunt always assumed I would babysit my 2 cousins.
So one day I was playing hide and seek with them. I was hiding behind the boat under this garage and I saw my cousin come running around the corner and he ran straight into the metal thing that locks the gate and under his eye was a massive cut and ended up getting stitches.
Right after it happened she started yelling and getting physical with me shouting "You are supposed to take care of him!". My parents had to step in and calm her down and say it's not my job to look after them.
Things is she never asked or told me to take care of them she just always blamed it on me if they got hurt . me and my parents are visiting them on the holidays and on some weekends and I was 10 the time and they were 6 and 8 and they just expect me to look after them?
I was very young but was at my aunts house for a sleepover. I was downstairs playing with my little cousins and knew my older cousin was upstairs in his room playing a video game. I decided to sneak upstairs and try to scare him. When I opened his door quietly, I found him on his bed, with his pants down... and the family dog between his legs.
I haven't told any of my family members what I saw. As far as I could tell, he didn't notice me sneak in, then bolt out.
Thank you for reminding me of this after 20+ years.
A friend of a friend had some chance encounter situation at a coffee shop in a huge city. The odds were astronomically low for all of this. He began a relationship with the girl from the coffee shop. After about 2 years of dating / banging she got into an accident and ended up passing. At the funeral he met one of her friends that he'd never met before and she consoled him. One thing led to another and she went from consoling his heart to consoling his p***s. Unfortunately for him this wasn't one of those stories where the cousins secretly realize it at a family get together and noone else is the wiser. She took him to meet her parents and her father started interrogating the poor guy about his life and where he grew up / details about his life at dinner and the realization that they were cousins came out infront of the father, mother and her 2 brothers. They are still friends to this day but they don't bang anymore (that we know of or that he will admit to) but I am told everyone still makes fun of him.
Edit: to clarify she consoled his p***s for probably 6 months or so before she took him to meet her parents.
Edit 2: I accidentally said his father. I meant her** father started grilling him
I have a very large blended family.
When I was a young kid, my blood cousin dated my step cousin. No blood relation of any kind and they were technically from opposite sides of the family for them but for me it was the same side.
Little me went to school and told all my friends how my cousins were dating and I saw them holding hands while they were babysitting me.
My mom received a very interesting phone call from my teacher that day lmao
I have way worse stories but after reading some of the ones in this thread i decided to go with a more tame one lol.
Dude... this is painful to write, but... when I started school at like 7 years old (which is when you start school in my country), this one class mate of mine (boy) wanted to appear cool in front of his new class mates and at some point told us the awesome story of how he "put his cousin's peepee in his mouth". Expecting a standing ovation and the respect of his peers he was quickly let down when people just relentlessly kept giving him a hard time about it.
I still remember it to this day. He would turn red and he would say "aww... I was just joking. I didn't really do it". But it was too late. From the bottom of my heart, Marcus, I hope you've shed your reputation as a c********r (not that there is anything wrong with that).
It still stands out as perhaps the worst reputational move I've witnessed in my life - owing mostly to the time and how ruthless 80s kids were about these matters.
A few months ago in my town a pair of cousins started dating. They grew up together and everything. They announced the relationship on Facebook and everything, pretty much blew up their entire lives as understandably their families were very upset. It was quite something to watch it all unfold.
It's not terrible, but when my cousin visited with his fiancee earlier this year, they got drunk and then vomited in my bathroom and proceeded to not clean it up. Like, vomit still in the toilet and on the floor. B***h even got it on my shower curtains. They weren't even there for 24 hours and managed that. I was f*****g pissed.
Well there's a story that went around my school that my cousin took a hot dog from the school cafeteria and used it to pleasure herself in the bathroom. never asked her about it and now never will, RIP, but it sounded like something she would have done.
Husband dated a girl when he was younger who cheated on him with her female cousin, and then asked him not to tell anyone lmao.
It’s not the “worst” cousin story, but it is a cousin story.
I had to travel outside of my home province to get LASIK surgery done. So, I get there on the day of the surgery and the receptionist checking me is roughly my age and super cute…so we’re talking, kinda flirting and suddenly she goes “You have the same last name as I do!”
Instant stop. Do not pass go.
A little more chitchat and we figured out that we were related, albeit distantly…
Still a nope from me though.
Fast forward several months later and I’m back home working at a concert. After the show, this group of girls walks up to me and one of them starts chatting me up…
(You see where this is going…)
It’s her.
She’s all over me…She sees it as a “sign” that she randomly ran into me several months later. She wants to know what I’m doing.
“I’m going home to shower and get food. It’s been a long day, I’m hot, sweaty and hungry.”
“You could come back to my hotel room!”
I politely declined that offer, but she slides me her cell and room number…insisting that I come over as soon as I’m done. I take it to be polite because she was *relentless*.
I go home, shower and then just absolutely crash.
There was absolutely no way it was ever going to happen…the fact she had the same uncommon last name as me was (and is) a *HUGE* “F**K NO-factor”.
My cousin tryed to get the whole family to invest in NFTs
Apparently there’s copper in houses. Rusty started stealing it from houses. Well he got a divorce and lost his whole family after he went to prison. I still don’t understand the scam. He was know in our town as The Copper Bandit before he got caught. Rusty, just work at Walmart. Don’t steal copper. It was weird.
This is true, I've toured houses for sale that got stripped overnight and we were the first ones with the agent to discover it and have to break the news to the owners. Older houses will even have copper water pipes too. In case there was any doubt, they absolutely destroy the interior of these houses in the process.
My ex bf [made love] with my first cousin while we were dating and receieved a BJ from my second cousin during a funeral. In a bathroom. Good times with that one.
I have two cousins who got married, have two teenage kids now and are getting divorced.
Here’s one for me - my first cousin once removed (her father and my grandmother were siblings) was a beautiful girl and married a rich guy. But he was a real cheapo who wouldn’t let her turn the heat up above 15C unless he was home. So she had an affair and ran off with the guy. But the guy she ran off with was her first cousin once removed! (Her father, the guy’s grandfather and my grandmother were siblings, for those of you following along). They got married and had a few kids. My grandmother was completely appalled. She refused to visit them but not because of the cousin thing - they started breeding and raising snakes. Apparently, the house was just full of snakes and snake tanks and my cousin always had one draped around her neck.
My cousin robbed a gun store. I don't really talk to that side of the family.
My brother and our cousin had major crushes on each other for years and years during school.. until we saw her and her parents at a family funeral.......
Are you saying they didn't know they were cousins until the funeral?
Load More Replies... Here’s one for me - my first cousin once removed (her father and my grandmother were siblings) was a beautiful girl and married a rich guy. But he was a real cheapo who wouldn’t let her turn the heat up above 15C unless he was home. So she had an affair and ran off with the guy. But the guy she ran off with was her first cousin once removed! (Her father, the guy’s grandfather and my grandmother were siblings, for those of you following along). They got married and had a few kids. My grandmother was completely appalled. She refused to visit them but not because of the cousin thing - they started breeding and raising snakes. Apparently, the house was just full of snakes and snake tanks and my cousin always had one draped around her neck.
My cousin robbed a gun store. I don't really talk to that side of the family.
My brother and our cousin had major crushes on each other for years and years during school.. until we saw her and her parents at a family funeral.......
Are you saying they didn't know they were cousins until the funeral?
Load More Replies...