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“Why Do Men Do This”: 30 Women Share Their “Insecure Men” Horror Stories
Even though most of us have at least some insecurities, we have to do our best to not let them control us. If we lose that control, we can end up harming not only ourselves but also our loved ones—emotionally and mentally.
Unfortunately, some people let their insecurities spiral and lash out at their romantic partners. Internet users opened up about their ‘insecure men horror stories’ on r/AskWomen, and their tales show just how bad things can get when jealousy and fear run rampant.
When you’re done reading them all, dear Pandas, let us know in the comments if you’ve ever had to deal with a partner who was insecure to this extent. If you’ve got any tips on dealing with toxic relationships, be sure to share them, too.
Bored Panda reached out to dating expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man, for a chat about the impact that insecurities have on relationships. "Deep-seated insecurities result in a person behaving in ways they don’t really want to, but can’t seem to stop themselves from doing. For example: Being overly jealous, clingy, and needy due to having an insecurity about being cheated on or dumped," he explained to us.
Dan said that, alternatively, insecurities can manifest in the person being emotionally distant and pushing their partner away. They might also be "afraid to truly fall in love, due to having an insecurity of being cheated on or dumped." He said: "Whether the person clings or pushes away, the result is the same; the relationship eventually ends in a breakup." Scroll down for the full interview about how to control these insecurities.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Was in the process of divorcing my husband. He happened to be in the room when I got a phone call with a job offer. I told him the salary, which wasn't glamorous but was a good $12K-$17K more than he'd ever made within any year in the marriage, plus Cadillac benefits (none of his jobs had ever carried benefits).
What he should have said: "Congratulations!"
What he actually said: "Well I'm gonna be making TWICE THAT MUCH!"
His bad, commission-only job with no benefits definitely was not about to start paying twice as much as my new salary.
He came to divorce court bragging that he makes twice my salary. So the judge set his child support payments really high based on his fictitious self-proclaimed earnings.
Francisco Manuel Teruel Gutiérrez 3 years ago
Of course he said that in the court... That happens with stupid people: they do and say stupid things. Congratulations for the job and the extra child support.
Leslie 3 years ago
Yeah, in America, you have to show papers to actually prove what you make. Don’t buy it one bit.
Libstak 3 years ago
Would that apply if you self own a high income ? Judge and court would probably be ok with it if spouse did not contest it, which she wouldn't cos she would be shooting herself in the foot if she did.
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Dan, the founder of The Modern Man project, told Bored Panda that the healthiest relationships are the ones where both partners are "brave enough to fully love and trust the other person." Or, as he put it in a more visual way, "It’s basically like going ‘all in’ in a poker game, jumping in the deep end of a pool, or taking a leap of faith and not looking back." In short, it's giving your partner 100%.
The dating expert noted that the person might still get hurt if the relationship doesn't work out, however, he advises that it's still better to take the risk and love and trust fully. It's a better alternative than getting dumped or having a "miserable relationship" because the individual isn't able to love or trust their partner.
Bored Panda wanted to know whether a relationship where one partner is insecure can flourish or if it's doomed to fail. In Dan's opinion, there's no chance of it flourishing. "It will either last and be an unhappy relationship or end with a breakup or cheating and then a breakup at some point," he said.
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#2
My former spouse didn't like me "reading books and getting ideas"
Charlie Taube 3 years ago
Oh god! The womenfolk might start to think they are equal or should vote! How preposterous! s/
SCamp 3 years ago
Oh that had to be the worst of all perspectives for men to take and it just kills me. Get ideas!! Read! I would encourage any woman to read as much as she possibly could
Cadena Norton 3 years ago
I was in an abusive relationship where I wasn't allowed to read because I might read about a guy I pictured more attractive then him in my head
#3
I wasn’t allowed to talk to guys. Ever. Even at work. Even if they were my boss or a coworker. He even had his dad come over to my house, unbeknownst to me, to let me know how unladylike my behavior was... for talking to coworkers...at work...about work...
Rosalind 3 years ago
well.. if I can't be ladylike I'd rather be unladylike and Free
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troufaki13 3 years ago
That boy was not raised right and his dad came to your house to confirm it
Rachknits 3 years ago
I'm surprised he 'let you out' to work. Wow, I can't begin to imagine what living with him would've been like
Francisco Manuel Teruel Gutiérrez 3 years ago
I don't know how many minutes my wife would have put up with that.
Caro Caro 3 years ago
Would you have said something like that? I don't think so.... Otherwise she wouldn't be with you :D
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Alicia M 3 years ago
I had an ex put a GPS tracker on my car (unbeknownst to me) so he could see where I went during the work day, when he wasn't around. I would take my lunch to a nearby park and eat it. (I worked in a dark, gloomy hospital and it was a nice midday break) He accused me of meeting someone in the park and carrying on a lunchtime affair. I'm so glad he's a distant memory.
KJ 3 years ago
My sister briefly dated a guy like this, he got really annoyed she kept texting another guy, the fact I am her brother and obviously the texts weren't a romantic way simply didn't matter, weirdo.
debrina blackmoon 3 years ago (edited)
Oh, I was accused of going after anyone 12 & up-before we even started dating, as well, married/having a girlfriend(or not), gay...even my-albeit adult-nephews(at least one of whom is gay) when I was at my sister's house for fuckedup reasons-including her husband, my niece's husband, his adoptive father who lived there with his SO and all male neighbors, possibly including underaged, I never met. Supposedly I was with way more guys than I "claimed", which were only actually a few, and certainly not one at a time, yrs/months, etc. apart. SERIOUSLY...WTF?!?!
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According to the dating expert, the keys to controlling one's insecurities are having confidence in oneself and not seeing other men as competition.
"A man needs to know how to attract a woman on purpose during interactions, rather than just fumbling his way through interactions with women. When a man knows how to attract a woman during an interaction, does it and sees that it works, he then feels more confident about his attractiveness to her and his ability to attract her in future interactions," he said. "Once a man knows how to attract a woman during interactions, he then needs to stop seeing other men as competition."
#4
Oh my god where do I start? the most insecure, abusive man. To list a (very) small amt of incidents:
Not allowed to see family/friends because there could be “guys” there
Tried to go to my best friends birthday party, little did I know he went upstairs and called his ENTIRE psychotic family to come pull their cars in behind mine and block me there so I couldn’t leave?! Lasted for HOURS before he let me go and made me turn on location services so I could only go home and not to the party.
Bought new shampoo that was I guess very fragrant (I couldn’t smell it myself), told me I’m a wh**e and only did it to “show off for dudes”???
We both lived on the same long dead end rd. So anytime I went anywhere he would se my car. If we weren’t together he was constantly watching the window to make sure I didn’t go anywhere without him
When I finally left him, he tried to bust down my (my parents house) door to get in. It took me and my grandmother to keep the door from busting in and we had to call the police
4 years, 2 babies, and a fiancé later and he STILL tries to contact me via fake social media acts.
YES I know I should’ve gotten out. YES I know I should’ve contacted police sooner. I was young, only 17, and I was scared of him AND his family.
Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago
Ugh, this is the sort of story that usually continues with the host saying "...and then, on the 13th of August, Clarissa suddenly went missing. Her family filed a missing persons report, but it wasn't until six weeks later that some duck hunters found her body dumped in a nearby forest."
LadyEncredible Rand 3 years ago
You're entire comment is why I don't play with BS. The first sign of a red flag, I'm out. Don't care how much it hurts, don't care if it was a misunderstanding, I'm out. I refuse to have my baby sister or grandmother or uncle being interviewed for a documentary on me.
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Rens 3 years ago
You don't need to blame yourself from what you went through and you certainly don't need to tolerate blaming from anyone else. Victim shaming and blaming is one of the main reasons why we don't leave. I grew up in a house full of red flags so I didn't recognise them when they were all around me in my relationships. Now I would see them coming a mile away but I will send much older and more mature and more secure in myself.
Rens 3 years ago
That last line should read " now I would see them coming and mile away but I am also much older, and more mature and more secure in myself"
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Jason Melvil 3 years ago
I don't blame her, I blame the fact that there is very little education on the matter to tell start letting even teens have an understanding on what toxic relationships and abusive behavior is. We barely started teaching people about consent, we are not even scratching the surface on this issue.
Christina Rosetti 3 years ago
In the UK we had a great tv ad campaign a few years ago directed at, and starring, teenagers which warned them about toxic/emotionally abusive relationships. It's a shame they don't show it anymore.
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Kishibe Angelo 3 years ago
ishisname Thomas Scott Ellsworth because he sounds like the peiceof s**t that abused me for seven years and manipulated my mom into thinkin thatnhe actually loved her
CP Wood 3 years ago
Good and brave of you to put a name out there of one of these abusers! I am so sorry you were a victim of this person; too often women are too afraid to say the truth and give these evil doers the publicity they deserve! They don't deserve to remain hidden from the rest of society, and often even their families become threatening to their victims. I'm glad you and your mom are no longer being victimized and abused by this person. Stay safe and never settle forless less.
Load More Replies... Liza Wolf 3 years ago
Hey. Been there. Done that. Textbook narcissistic behaviors. All y'all sitting there saying "omg why didn't you leave?!?" have NO idea how much these guys normalize this kind of behavior. It always starts small. For me? It started with little things. "You shouldn't have soda, it's bad for you" eventually evolved into "sugared cereals aren't allowed in this house." From "you kinda dominate the conversation at parties" to "you talk too much and need to learn to shut up." From "you know you can talk to me about things too" to "you call your mother too much." It never STARTS at Nuclear Blast. It's the story of the boiled frog. Eventually the gaslighting and the "reasonable" comments" make you think you're the problem, you should really seek help to fix yourself, but it's never enough. It's *never* enough. Try to be kind to those who are in this situation. You can't see the problems when you're neck deep in them. It's only after some of us get out that we realize just how awful it is.
Carrie Smigla-Didier 3 years ago
Don't you dare beat yourself up. You got out and that took guts and determination. A lot more guts than that guy will ever have!
#5
Dated a guy casually/non-exclusively for about three weeks. One day we were talking out front of my house and I noticed my canoe--lying on its side under some stairs--had gotten blown backwards and rainwater had collected. Not wanting to breed mosquitoes, I stepped over and pushed the canoe back to its proper lean.
He. Came. Unglued.
Stomped over yelling about how I should have asked him to do it, got up under the stairs (just why?) still yelling, then stood up, hitting his head pretty hard. Threw a big toddler tantrum. Was bizarre and frankly scary.
Clearly I'd insulted his manhood by doing something to my own canoe that literally took one hand to push over. Not even talking hefting a 50-pound bag of cement or something (which would have been okay, too).
I stayed calm in the moment. Bid him goodbye (he'd been about to leave, anyway). Broke it off via text that evening, which of course made him furious. Big bullet dodged.
Susie Elle 3 years ago
God forbid you actually move on your own, imagine the damage to his masculinity
2022emmam trent 3 years ago
Does he ask to do the dishes? Clean the laundry? Mop the floors? Put your makeup on? Wipe your butt? Brush your hair? Spoon feed you? Why on Earth would he need to flip a canoe for you? Is that honestly how masculinity works? Women can't do simple things like that?
Ann Coffman 3 years ago
I would love for someone else to brush my hair. Or the butt wipe thingy.
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Micah 3 years ago
I like to think they have some sort of augmented reality screen in their mind that's just constantly scanning the environment. When another person does virtually anything without authorization, the system flags it.
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Lawrence Thatcher 3 years ago
My masculinity has been seriously damaged just by hearing that a girl did something once! The scandal!
Fanstacia D 3 years ago
Definitely a instance where break up by text is the best and safest option.
#6
My Ex hated when I spent time with my family. Threatened to divorce me the day of my fathers funeral because things were not going his way that day. He screamed it at me in front of our two young sons. Dude, I just lost my anchor in life and all you can think about is yourself.? Glad he's my Ex.
AzKhaleesi 3 years ago
Oh my.... speaking from someone who will almost certainly lose my dad in the upcoming week if not this weekend, I will say from the bottom of my very being, if my husband did this there would be two funerals that day. At the VERY least he'd be getting divorce papers as soon as I got home from the funeral.
Sharon McIlhargey 3 years ago
Sounds like my ex yelling at me during photos on our wedding day. He stopped long enough for a picture, but the image of him towering over me red-faced with anger while I sat tears running down my face was obvious.
Christy A Kyriss 3 years ago
Wow!! On your wedding day, before the honeymoon even started?! I'm very glad you got away from him.
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Sunny Topia 3 years ago
Pls tell me he's dead already...-_-... could save hundreds of peoples.
Dan, the founder of The Modern Man, suggested that when a man starts worrying about another man being more attractive than he is in his partner's eyes, that is "the moment she feels more attracted to the other guy."
He explained: "This is because women naturally feel attracted to the more confident man. No matter who the other man is, you always need to know that you are attractive and no other guy compares to you. In reality, another guy might be more attractive than you, but that’s not the point. A woman wants to see that you believe in yourself and don’t feel inferior to other men."
#7
Threw a tantrum when I started pondering going to grad school because he couldn't be with a woman with more education. The amount of contempt I developed for him during that despicable display of insecurity cannot be described. But, we're the weak ones, umm k.
RafCo 3 years ago
That's wierd. I am very much turned on by women who are smarter than me. Looks fade, and so does lust. But stimulating conversation is always majorly exciting. Also, there's so much they can teach you. I have never dated anybody "dumber" then me. Sometimes less well educated, but that's often a product of circumstances, not a mark on intelligence. It may also help that Im fascinated by everything. There is no subject that I find boring. Even things I don't care about. If you get somebody who is passionate about that thing, they are a wonder to just listen to. I once spent hours listening to a scientist talk about her ants. I never thought about ants before, now i love them, they are amazing animals, and i thank her for that. I don't remember what she actually looked like (bad with faces and it was decades ago), but in my mind she will always be sexy.
Jessica Gunn 3 years ago
Insecurity, and fear of being less intelligent than "the weaker sex", and therefore weak and less manly, which is definitely ironic
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G Cook 3 years ago
My less educated ex sabatoged my first 2 years of law school... While I commutted 2 hours per day and had a child in kindergarten. One day, right before 3rd year began, I woke up, put my feet on the floor and said, that's it. I filed for divorce, had custody of my child, graduated law school, passed the bar and started my own practice. Hard? Hell yeah. But way easier than doing it without his dead weight.
Tunisia Scott 3 years ago
My recent ex told me he would leave me if I went back to school for nursing cause I take studying too seriously. Jesus I date idiots 🤦🏾♀️
#8
I had an ex who was pissed at me at a Bath & Body Works because I wanted to get a musky, cologne scented candle. His stance was that it was basically cheating because it ‘smelled like a man.’ And yes, he was serious.
Francisco Manuel Teruel Gutiérrez 3 years ago
First time in my life I heard that a man could be threatened by a candle actually being more masculine than him.
Sheila Stamey 3 years ago
Don't be. Upon confrontation with the proof of having fathered a grown, gay son, my jewel of an ex said that there " was no way the seed he carried could father a ( slur for a homosexual man)" the censored bit is me because I love this young man a lot. When my ex said this , I was genuinely overwhelmed with laughter at his ridiculous statement. I said " oh your sperm are smart enough to that,like avoid doing that?" I laughed at him for at least twenty minutes.
#9
He dumped me because he believed I had slept with 2 more people than him (I hadn’t told him my real number in the first place, it’s no one else’s business, but it was actually a lot higher than 2 more). He stewed on it for 3 years before dumping me because he felt like less of a man - he’s the man so his number should have been higher. He asked me back out six months later because he had slept with 3 people, making his number higher than mine and making me acceptable to date again.
What he failed to realise is that I wasn’t celibate for that six months. His additional 3 didn’t even cover my original, true number, never mind cover the additional people I slept with in that six months. Idiot. A man asking me that question now is a huge red flag and I don’t entertain men like that. I back out immediately.
Caro Caro 3 years ago
What a loser. It's really none of anybody's business how many people you have slept with. It's not a competition. That bloke is an idiot.
LuckyL 3 years ago
And - just the thought. Wouldn't more be better - more knowlege - more experience - maybe better sex for the new partner.
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Rens 3 years ago
I have no idea why people always ask for their "body count", and then feel unhappy when they get told. My partner was a young man growing up in the 80s in the UK; I know he wasn't a monk, and I don't really care how many women he's been with in the past. All I do care about is how many women he's been with since we've been together: Only me.
Brian Brown 3 years ago
My D is bigger and Im decent looking as well as tall. I dont need a body count
Load More Replies... Splash Bach 3 years ago
I'd rather not know how many people my partner has slept with. Plus quality over quantity right
Mary August 3 years ago
Number doesn't matter. Only thing that matters is that you get tested for STDs between partners. I've never started new relationship without exchanging papers of test results.
lenka 3 years ago
Its really weird - this obsession with how many people you have slept with. My husband and I have never had this conversation. Its irrelevant.
CP Wood 3 years ago
Right?! My late husband and I were married for almost 44 years when he died, and neither one of us were virgins when we married at 22; we never had that conversation either. Why? What purpose does it serve? When people have this conversation, do they give, or demand, details? I'm asking seriously; I'm curious as to how it goes.
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Tamara Kroonen 3 years ago
I taste a subtle hint of her bragging about her body count too, all covered in a my-ex-is-a-red-flag-for-asking-flavour. Both losers.
No you can't have my name 3 years ago
She purposely told him a lower number.
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During a previous in-depth interview, Bored Panda spoke about insecurities with British psychotherapist Silva Neves. He said that the goal is for people who are insecure (i.e. they have an ‘I’m not enough’ mentality) to become secure and confident (having an ‘I’m enough’ way of thinking). Self-compassion is a powerful tool in helping this shift happen.
"Insecurity carries the message: 'I'm not enough', 'I'm not good enough,' or even 'I'm worthless.' These are painful beliefs to have about ourselves but many do have those underlying beliefs," the mental health expert shared with us.
#10
Reader's Digest had these monthly quizzes called It Pays To Increase Your Word Power. It was twenty words with 3 or 4 multiple choice options. I got 1 more word correct than my ex-fiance one month and 2 more correct than he on another month. Both times he berated me for beating him and gave these really dumb excuses for why I gotten a better score. One time he refused to speak to me for the rest of the night.
When I found myself deliberately getting one or two words wrong in order to preserve his fragile ego I realised that wasn't healthy for either of us and broke up.
Miss Frankfurter 3 years ago
When my parents joined their very first golf club, my mom was in the ladies locker room when they thought they'd give her some "advice". Whatever you do, don't ever beat your husband at golf. It will make him feel like less of a man. Wrong thing to say to her! Great athlete and women's lib before there was even a term for it. She looked at the woman and told her that if he couldn't handle losing a game of golf to his wife he wasn't much of a man. Note: my dad was always so happy and proud of her when she won. Which was actually a fair bit. Like I said, great athlete. My dad was a great man.
Bubs623 3 years ago
Years ago, I declined an offer of acceptance and scholarship to ucla grad school because the guy I thought I'd marry didn't get accepted. I even lied and said I didn't get accepted either. I'm an idiot. (Did not marry him, got MA at another university) I raised my daughter to never lessen herself for anyone!
HarriMissesScotland 3 years ago
I was married to someone Sheldon smart, but not socially awkward. He and his equally smart friends actually loved it when I could beat them at the strategy game GO. They would overthink every move.
Bender Bending Rodríguez 3 years ago
Instead of learning from you and be motivated to do better, he chose to be a d!ck. Good riddance.
OhForSmegSake 3 years ago
I had an ex like that. I will never ever dumb myself down for a partner again.
Curry on... 3 years ago
I told a friend of mine I'd introduce her to some guys, and I asked her what her preferences were. She said, "I don't want to have to dumb down to hang with him."
#11
My ex and I met at a summer job, when he was in a transition because he was leaving a college he couldn't afford (I never shamed him for dropping, I was actually kind of jealous because I had a horrible time in college). He did not get a job and sat around gaming and eating all day. Needless to say, he gained weight. He always blamed his weight and unemployment on his environment and lack of family support to go places, so I moved him to be with me.
Instead of getting a job and getting active, he proceeded to break me down over several years, pushing me to eat more and dress in oversized clothes that hid my figure. I couldn't acknowledge that I made all the money or it was a fight, I would transfer what little money was left after bills to a joint account so he could swipe his own debit card when we went out. When a gym opened down the street, he got me to buy us memberships but I had to beg and drag him there, where I was not allowed to work out longer/harder than him.
The stress of the relationship ironically had me loosing weight towards the end, and this dude would stand us next to each other in the mirror and tell me how I needed to do exercises to get my ass bigger, and that my belly poked out. Meanwhile his gigantic gut was just hanging out. I didn't care that he had extra weight, I actually prefer guys who aren't super skinny. But in hindsight, he was convinced that anything that made me look good, made him look bad. But in the times when he actually had the means to change things, he never actually did it. So instead, he broke down my confidence until I felt like the smallest, ugliest person in the world.
I am so glad I left that relationship, I am now with someone who supports me and thinks I'm the greatest most attractive person ever. He works toward his own self-improvement, and celebrates all of my victories with me.
Courtney Lunsford 3 years ago
This story reminds me of my ex. He would always talk himself up like he was the greatest thing. I never really felt like a looker so I was just happy to have his attention. He found other ways to tear me down. He made me feel like nothing. Things only got better after I left him. Now I have a supportive husband who makes me feel beautiful and worthwhile.
LittleLiz 3 years ago
I've been with an abuser like that. He looked like a blistered thumb and would talk about how much hotter his exes were, how I'd he tighter and more pleasurable for him if I worked out, how I could never be as pretty as the Asian woman at our office he was hoping to date after me. Confident that she wouldn't want him, I gave him a free pass to date/screw her. She saw how bad he was to me and said no and he blamed me for that rejection.
Dani Alexander 3 years ago
Ex sounded like a total and complete a*****e. Good riddance to him. Good luck for you beautiful!
Riley Quinn 3 years ago
These types of relationships are so insidious. Why didn't you realize sooner? Because I was busy living my daily life/responsibilities. It can take months/years before realization strikes.
SelkieBlackfysh 3 years ago
No winning this thing. He just couldn't accept himself so she was going to be the casualty. Good thing she got away for sure.
#12
My ex asked me my body count after talking to him online for 2 months. Mind you we didn’t even see each other in person yet since we lived in different countries. He heard the number and immediately got disappointed and said his dream wife wouldn’t have that many bodies. I was like okay go wank off to the idea of your virgin dream wife then.
Daria B 3 years ago
Wait... are people referring to sexual partners as if they were literally corpses of a disaster/war/crime? What.... the.... actual.....
Giovanni 3 years ago
That's why i ask for their kills/deaths/assist ratio, to avoid confusion
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Casey McAlister 3 years ago
- What's your body count? - 428 -You had sex with 428 people?! - Sex? We were talking about sex?
Lily bloom 3 years ago
Body count? Well I have one, have birthed 3, and haven't killed anyone...yet
KariLovesHerKat 3 years ago
I've always wondered why people ask or get bothered with what their partner did before they knew or met them? What's the problem? It's as stupid as getting mad at them for liking a movie star. People are so stupid sometimes
Zaza 3 years ago
I ask, not because it would be a dealbreaker, but because I slept with a virgin without knowing beforehand. Twice. I might have still slept with them, but definitely would have gone about it differently. One cried afterwards and didn't tell me for a week that it was his first time. The other one stuck to me like glue for months and months, I couldn't go anywhere without him showing up and not leaving my side for a second. And I wasn't going to be a jerk and send him away without a word, not after having "taken his innocence". I'd rather not have that happen ever again, thank you very much
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JustAnother Soul 3 years ago
The term ‘Body count’ is a modern day euphemism, which means number of sexual partners.
Alexander Wagner 3 years ago
Euphemism? So killing people sounds better than to have sex with people? Sounds not modern, just sounds American.
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Veronica Sjöberg 3 years ago
Like it matters? Seems like that really outdated idea that the more different partners you've had the more "worn out" you are (as a woman). Makes no sense. Besides, when you get a little older it's hard to really remember. I only remember the good ones.
AzKhaleesi 3 years ago
Lol... my HUSBAND doesn't even know my count. He asked once, and I said "I want you to think really hard about how you're going to answer the question I'm about to ask you, because if you answer wrong you will be another ex. (Pause) What does it matter?" He thought before he answered and said, "It doesn't" and that is why we are married today. :)
Ali Sherlock 3 years ago
I met a guy online, were talking for several months and was very close to meeting in person. We kinda had a open relationship, were we could still see other people and if we happen to find a connection with someone we would chalk it up to it wasn't mean't to be and stay friends. ANYWAY, he would tell me about one night stands he had, and I had one and told him and he ghosted me LMAO
"Insecurity can manifest either by making themselves invisible (If I'm not seen, nobody will notice my flaws), or the opposite, by what we call 'bragging': shouting at everybody about how wonderful they are. This is usually to try to persuade themselves that they are good enough,” the expert noted that different people have different ways of manifesting their insecurities. Unfortunately, some choose to lash out at others to feel better about themselves.
"Another way to counter the 'I'm not enough' is by pushing others down, sabotaging other people's success, or attacking people as a way to feel powerful so that they can control their inner pain of 'I'm not enough'. All of these strategies don't work because what they do is either internalize or externalize the belief 'I'm not enough' rather than changing it," he said.
#13
While at Walmart once a guy came up to me and asked for my number and I word for word said “I’m sorry I have a boyfriend!” And that was it the guy walked away. I go home to my now exes house and told him about the exchange because I thought it was funny and ended up getting screamed at for hours because I “apologized” and made it seem like i didn’t want a boyfriend and i was sorry for having a boyfriend. Made absolutely not sense. We did not last much longer.
Deborah Barron Brown 3 years ago
It makes me sad that many of these stories had the victim staying for some time after the incident.
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Dani Alexander 3 years ago
If anything he should have thanked you for your loyalty, he doesn’t deserve you
debrina blackmoon 3 years ago (edited)
He didn't hear the comma or other appropriate punctuation after "sorry"??? Or thought they didn't exist in that situation?
MidnightSky 3 years ago
It was verbal. You want her to physically say sorry comma I gave a boyfriend
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Thomas Sweda 3 years ago
You needed a comma up there dear, right after “sorry”. That’s the problem !
Ann Coffman 3 years ago
Yes. Loud enough so boyfriend could hear it, lol. 🙉🙊
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Randy Kitchens 3 years ago
A few brain cells shutdown for a few minutes when he said that no doubt.
#14
I drew a picture of a flower on a bar napkin and gave it to my then-boyfriend, and he glared at me and said “when you do stuff like this it makes me feel so small”
September 3 years ago
Well, I wasn't going to say anything but now that you mentioned it. It has been very difficult to tell if you're actually doing anything down there.
shinshige 3 years ago
OK, for real, I was hanging out with a girlfriend one time and she drew a picture of a hibiscus flower on a scrap piece of paper, in my car. She handed it to me and I put it in my visor. About a year later I turn it into a tattoo. So, that’s like the opposite of this dude.
2022emmam trent 3 years ago
How does drawing a flower and giving it to him make him feel small? That doesn't make sense to me.
Eiram 3 years ago
To some "men" anything that might be considered feminine, even giving them a flower or a picture of one, is demeaning (ignoring all facts about the history and culture of humans and botany).
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Daniel Graver 3 years ago
As a grown man, I would love to have someone give me a flower doodle.
Tarryn Louise 3 years ago
Small because he can't draw as good? Small because he doesn't like cute gestures? Small because his penis shrinks?? All of the above?
debrina blackmoon 3 years ago (edited)
How much smaller did it, a malformed Lit'l Smokies-type sausage, get??? Same for his undersized raisins.
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Betsy Novack 3 years ago
That's what he'll say the first time he explains why he had to hit you.
Nena Rosebud 3 years ago
Oof, the insecurity is strong with this one. I can't draw to save my life but I'd an original piece of art front my partner!
#15
"But if you keep your last name, my friends will think I'm whipped," he whined, very masculinely.
Libstak 3 years ago
My nieces husband insisted their children have her maiden name as his father is a convicted pedophile and any reminder of him including the surname makes him feel sick. He does not want his girls associated with that name.
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Monica Martinez Castañeda 3 years ago
Seriously, stop taking your spouse's last name! Doesn't happen in Spain (and most places, I assume). We all keep our identity and doesn't mean we're less committed to our partner!
Karin Jansen 3 years ago
And you give your kids a part of both last names! So smart!
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shinshige 3 years ago
My wife and I took each other‘s last names. I was Bennett. She was Castro. Now we are both Castro Bennett.
Grayson Wrigley 3 years ago
I didn't take my husband's last name because I feel like my name is my name and it's a part of me. It has nothing at all to do with my feelings for or devotion to him. Thank God I actually a married a grown freaking man who understands and accepts that 😁
Candia Lee 3 years ago
I kept my father's last name, until Social Security pointed out that I had switched sometime ago and only SSA had my maiden name. It was easier to change SSI than everything else.
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Kobus Loots 3 years ago
I couldn't care less whether or not my wife takes my last name, it doesn't matter, she married me. So who cares?
ljbeanfield 3 years ago
My last name is literally Warfield. Masculine enough? I'm keeping this bad boy, it's a good thing I don't date men.
Marco Conti 3 years ago
I didn't want my wife to take my name. Actually, I had no strong feelings either way, but I didn't care. I wanted to marry somebody independent. She thought about it and decided that taking my name made her sound more like an artist. Since that's what she does for a living, I guess it was a good choice.
Randy Kitchens 3 years ago
Do you, Charles Snapdragon Mcfisticuff take.....and she's like...."Whuttt?"
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Lily Mae Kitty 3 years ago
my husband was like, "You can take my name if you want but people have trouble pronouncing and spelling it so it's totally up to you." I already had a hard to spell and pronounce name for 48 years so why change?
Sarah Schumm 3 years ago (edited)
Kept my name at my husband’s request; and I agreed, his sister and I share the same extremely common first name, and his mom’s first name is my middle name. It was confusing enough already! Fortunately, due to to my name already being confusingly common, I went by my full name in high school, because there were 3 of us in my friends group, ( like in “Heathers”) and adopted a nickname in college after being one of 5 girls with my first name in my dorm.
Lazy Panda 3 years ago
Sarah high five! There are 4 of us in my 35-person office, I've spent my whole life going by Sarah J (part of why I didn't change when I married).
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Just me, myself, and I 3 years ago
I took my husband's name because mine was hard to spell and pronounce. Up till I married I used "James" to make reservations!
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
I have a Greek friend who is a teacher and always went by her initial rather than last name because it was hard for kids to say. Then she got married to a Greek guy and took his last name, but still goes by his initial at work because it is also harder to say lol.
Load More Replies...According to the psychotherapist, self-compassion paves the way to becoming more secure in who we are. Usually, insecurities are learned in childhood. Over time, they become deeply rooted in who we are. However, as we grow and mature, we also become more capable of changing these underlying beliefs.
"Perhaps parents didn't praise children enough, or they paid more attention to the mistakes rather than the successes. As an adult now, people can give themselves a hug once in a while and tell themselves, gently: 'you're doing good,' 'well done,' 'congratulations.' Eventually, the brain will listen and slowly change the message 'I'm not enough' to 'I'm enough,'" he said that, over time, we can all change and be more confident in who we are, as we are now.
"Rather than shouting your praise at other people, it is about speaking to yourself in a loving way. When people are genuinely aware of their successes, they can become genuinely more confident without the need to impose their power onto others."
#16
Lived with some friends temporarily while I was at uni, and two guys lived there. We all got on very well and became fast friends. One night while one of them was telling an emotional story from his childhood, I reached over and held his hand.
What I didn’t know is the other guy had a crush on me, and in the middle of the night when I woke up to get some water, he cornered me in the kitchen, red in the face and trembling with rage and questioned me about my non existent “feelings” towards the other housemate and asked me “to think about what [I’d] done”. All because I held someone’s hand lol
Dani Alexander 3 years ago
Well if you weren’t even together yet and he had that kind of rage, it’s scary to think what he could do to you (or other women) when in a relationship
deanna woods 3 years ago
That guy is pure stalker material. Who gets upset about a relationship that doesn't exist?
#17
Today is my late mothers birthday so this question is very timely.
I got married very young and my mother died of cancer shortly before our one year anniversary (I was 19 going on 20).
My now ex husband stated that I chose my mother over him since I spent so much time with her while she was dying. He also would get upset with me for grieving and crying in the year after she died.
Brandy Grote 3 years ago
Goodness! We are burying husband's father in a few days. It's been SO hard. I couldn't imagine doing this at 19 and even surviving it.
Bacony Cakes 3 years ago
Will this help you feel better? leia-frog-...e2cb4d.jpg 
Artahmiss 3 years ago
Lost my mother when I was 21, watched coffee come spilling out of her relief tube from her stomach after she took a sip, came home at 2 am and helped her change the sheets when her colostomy bag busted, quietly, because she was too afraid my father would wake up. How f*****g dare they. I hope when their closest person dies that they never recover and become a shell.
Mark Moore 3 years ago
He is so cruel and toxic! This is your mother and you take as much time as YOU need
Roberta Gales 3 years ago
My mom irritated my ex-husband when she acted irritated with my dad. She didn’t say anything, or cause a scene, just looked annoyed with him from the kitchen. He told me that until she acted better, I was not allowed to love her. What do you say to something like that?
Pusfarm 3 years ago
You say "GTFO of my life you shallow, needy, insecure man-child!" Or something along those lines.
Load More Replies... Curry on... 3 years ago
My ex got upset because I spent the day at the hospital with my daughter (not his daughter) while she was in labor. We lasted one more year - too long.
#18
I was dating a guy for about a month when this particular incident happened. We worked in similar-ish fields (paramedic and police officer) and that's how we met. It's also important to note that my paramedic partner was a man. We were set to go on a date one Friday but I cancelled due to a nasty migraine. My partner brought me medicine (being a long time paramedic he had a good idea of what would help) and shortly after he left I got a text from the guy asking why another man had come to my apartment. Apparently he had been sitting outside my apartment all day to make sure I didn't go anywhere or see anyone else. He had met my partner before so he knew what he looked like. And my partner was only over long enough to drop off some medicine and feed my dog. We didn't last long after that.
Tarryn Louise 3 years ago
That is some psycho s**t right there, I would have reported him to his police department asap.
Jeremy Parsons 3 years ago
Yeah, NEVER date a cop. Seriously...highest rates of domestic violence, small d**k syndrome, murderous, and dangerous to anyone who "threatens" their toxicity which is basically everyone else. The US v. Them mentality they apply to everything, and the fact that they aren't the sharpest tools in the shed (intelligent people question too much and won't blindly follow orders or kill people for blinking while melanated. Seriously, NEVER EVER EVER EVER date, marry, befriend or become involved with a cop. Don't take my word for it, look up the long list of psychological issues most reported and seen amongst them.....yikes. you probably saved your life by cutting it off when you did. Although I'm sure he still stalks you and harasses any man he even thinks has looked at you! ACAB
Béla Kun 3 years ago
A friend went out with a policeman and he stalks her, blackmails her and just constantly gaslights her, the good thing is that he is an ex policeman the bad thing is that he still has connection so he continues to harass her.
Riley Quinn 3 years ago
This guy is a great example of the type we don't want/need policing our towns.
#19
High school boyfriend who got mad that I spent time with my family dog. I adore dogs. Broke up with him. Next boyfriend sent me pictures of himself posing with his family dogs or just of his family dogs, obviously we were much more alike in that regard!
Demi Zwaan 3 years ago
How can you get mad at someone spending time with a DOG? I can see why you could be a little jealous when it's a human friend, but a dog?
Homer Jay 3 years ago
Is not only cheating, Is the fact that you spend some minutes with an animal at home (or go out and talk to other girls/guys about animals). It's extremely diffuse to hear this kind of jealousy. BIGGEST RED FLAG.
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Kay blue 3 years ago
I was casually seeing this girl who also had cats. We sent more pics of them than we actually talked.
John Smith 3 years ago
Not me but a friend of mine, had a very clingy girlfriend that her dog really didn't like. Which was weird as the dog was usually really friendly. The girlfriend ended up attacking my friend and putting her in hospital. Dogs are really good judges of character.
Dani Alexander 3 years ago
You know he has a low self esteem when he gets jealous of your own dog smh 🤦♀️
Emalee Current 3 years ago
I had a girl friend that got jealous at me for loving on and kissing kittens my mom had her house. Gf said, " I guess you don't need me since you can kiss on those cats" she was dead serious. Toxic crap like this is definitely not just male specific. And yes I'm female as well.
Jody Whitmarsh 3 years ago (edited)
Ex got mad about my dog. I guess I spent too much time or gave my dog too much attention. Still have the dog, no longer have the boyfriend. Also moved 2000 miles away
Fred Burrows 3 years ago
I dated a gal that was upset that her dog would be happy when I came over..
wifeofweasley 3 years ago
I dated a guy who didn't like the way dog was raised and always tried to discipline him. My boy is very well trained and listens to everything my family and I say. He just didn't listen to him - why should he? My ex had two not even housebroken mini dogs that barked at every opportunity and did not behave at all. Broke up with the ex, still love my doggie very much
#20
I had a guy justify needing my phone password because he was cheated on. I broke up with him that day.
I have nothing hide but I have nothing to show you either. People who engage in this behaviour aren't people I can have in my life. I'm a therapist and that's the biggest red flag I see in client. Now there's exception obviously like if you share a. Disabled child or whatever. But this being the norm isn't healthy.
Yeah, you heard 3 years ago
Why would sharing a disabled child mean that my partner is allowed to know all my phone passwords and snoop around on me?
Deborah B 3 years ago
It's not a licence to snoop. You exchange passwords, but agree never to use them without permission unless it's a genuine emergency. Think "Car accident, she's unconcious, his phone is broken, need that medical file, medication list, and emergency contacts right this second."
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Casey McAlister 3 years ago
I hate this "if you have nothing to hide - you shouldn't mind" kind of mentality. Everybody has something they'd rather not expose to everybody to see, even if it's nothing illegal or immoral. Go install a camera in your toilet and start a live video every time you are taking a dump then. Since you have nothing to hide, it shouldn't be a problem, right?
Susie Elle 3 years ago (edited)
I know my boyfriends password and he knows mine, purely by coincidence (like sitting next to him when he types it in and vice versa). I have zero need nor desire to snoop through his messages.
nini 3 years ago
Same for us. I don't think it's a problem to know the cellphone passwords. We don't know each others passwords for online banking etc. though
Load More Replies... Candia Lee 3 years ago
We know each other's pins and passwords, but we're way past dating stage, into the "how do I access if you die first?"
Courtney Lunsford 3 years ago
My husband has been cheated on. I would openly show him my phone but he has never asked. It's called trust.
Leodavinci 3 years ago
SO and I know each others passwords to phones, computers, bank accounts, etc. Always have. We trust each not to snoop... not that there would be anything to snoop. It is a matter of trust, If you don't/can't trust the other person... maybe that should tell you something about your relationship... and yourself.
Justin Morgan 3 years ago
Why are you all so insecure about your phones. My wife knows my password and I know hers. You all got some major trust issues and it shows. Of course I understand a person demanding a password is wrong but if you are in a good relationship these little things shouldn't be a problem.
No you can't have my name 3 years ago
It's not the password, it's the reason it was requested. "I want your phone password because I got cheated on before" shows that the partner doesn't trust the OP, and rather than work on their issues with a therapist they decided the solution was to take control of OP's phone
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jennifer kerkow 3 years ago
My husband and I both know each other's phone pin. Hiding it seems very suspicious, tbh. I've never gone through my husband's phone, and he hasn't gone through mine, but trusting the other person enough to have access is what matters ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#21
My ex, I was a freshman in college, got mad at me at a barbecue. He looked very angrily the whole time I was talking to people. I was later informed I was too friendly and grinning in mens faces. Literally screaming at me in the car he almost wrecked it.
I was the host, btw.
Amy Stone-Chandler 3 years ago
I'd host another party, pretend to toast, get everyone's attention, tell the group what he did and dump him in front of everyone.
Cherries and Lace 3 years ago
I don't know, with how he freaked out in the car, almost crashing, I would be concerned he would get violent.
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#22
My ex broke up with me because my shoes were too bright a color (they were neon orange sneakers) and they would attract too much attention from other men..
Mark Stewart 3 years ago
If only it was as simple as wearing neon orange sneakers to attract the interest of men.
Monica Martinez Castañeda 3 years ago
Yeah, I'm clearly doing everything wrong. And it was so easy! :)
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Marco Conti 3 years ago
Did you thank him for that early insight? I think Hallmark should have a card for the occasion "Thank you for showing me what an a*****e you are so early in our relationship"
Tobias Reaper 3 years ago
does he think your bird or something i dont think thats a thing with humans
Kishibe Angelo 3 years ago
they sure would from me i f*****g love neon colors not only that but my favorite color is orange so them shoes would have all my attention
Christina Rosetti 3 years ago
I have two pairs of bright orange sneakers and I was still painfully single for a looooong time. Maybe I was wearing them wrong?
Damitria 3 years ago
Yes, if you wear them on the opposite feet then you get allll the attention.
Load More Replies... AzKhaleesi 3 years ago
I wish I could be a fly on the wall with some of these men when they go talk to their family and friends after a break up like this. Assuming the family / friends are normal. Can you imagine that talk? "Hey Steve, how's Jessica?" "Oh we broke up" "aww that's too bad we liked her, what happened?" "you wouldn't believe what I found out" "Oh my goodness, what???" "She wore orange sneakers Ma.... ORANGE! Can you believe it? So other men can look at her ankles? WTF was she thinking? " "..... seriously? Is this a prank? I can't even with you" *walks away.
#23
Dated a guy who would make fun of me for having rolls on my stomach (thanks) and then maybe 1-2 years after we broke up, we had talked to each other as he still owed me like $2000 that he made excuses for why he couldn't pay. He asked me what I do for a living and I proceed to tell him I got a job at a gaming company and he drops "you were just hired because you are a woman" to which I kindly told him to buzz off and that I was selected in the end out of like hundreds of people and it had nothing to do with my gender. Jealous and insecure men always find a way to invalidate your success.
Lauren Caswell 3 years ago (edited)
Chatting with my kid today about the post with the woman who was being lectured by a guy about how wrong she was, how 'Zeus only had one son, Hercules'. The woman was a Greek mythology graduate of some kind, and the guy was clearly basing his knowledge of Disney's Hercules (btw I studied Greek mythology so natter about that, amongst other topics, with my kid). Anyway, I said to him "Sometimes that's just the way, there are people who will believe they know better than someone who has studied a subject, or feel intimidated by their knowledge and argue with them". Pause "Although it happens to all groups, there are some that are more targeted than others." Kid: "Women?" Me: "Yep. Other groups too, basically anyone who already has prejudices held against them for things they do not choose" [NB I studied anth too so talk about that a lot with him]
Ilia Bauer 3 years ago
Off your main point, but when Phil LMAO'ed at Hercules for saying Zeus is his father and wouldn't believe him? My first thought was: Uh, actually Phil should have laughed and said "You and half of Greece, pal." Though that probably wasn't the kind of joke you put in a Disney movie... ;)
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Lizzy Moore 3 years ago
her: i got a job at a gaming company him: only cause you're a woman meanwhile the gaming industry: *still sexist af in many ways possible* like.....ok dude lmao, it's kinda funny and infuriating that sm men think gender privileges have switched around. must be nice to be THAT ignorant lmao
#24
I have a few ! Me and my ex were going to see my gay best friend for some drinks , as I was getting ready I put some red lipstick on and he angrily asked “are you wearing this for .. insert my friends name ! We were only dating for 2 months and as I was getting ready to break up with him after few toxic situations, we went to my friends bday party , I wore a skirt (kinda just to piss him off, he was really controlling and hated me wearing skirts) and after couple of hours of dancing around my friends place he stormed out saying that I am showing my pants to everyone and he is done with me ha! He was crazy!
Caro Caro 3 years ago
Women wearing lipstick and a skirt. I shudder to think what their morals are /s
Ilia Bauer 3 years ago
God forbid she show her ankles! or (gasp!) Her knees!
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Ola Polowczyk 3 years ago
My ex said that I shouldn't wear red nail polish as "only prostitutes do so". He also demanded me sending him pictures of my outfits every morning, so he could "accept" them
Shanon Smith 3 years ago
How dare you make an effort to look good and feel good about yourself. God forbid you have a good time at a friend's party what were you thinking!!? Sarcasm by the way for those who get 747'd
Wonderful 3 years ago
Reminds me of a ex that wouldn’t “let” me wear heels cause I would be like a half inch taller than him. So I did the same, wore heels and went with him to a party. He was practically seething. I dumped him that night. He started blowing up as soon as we left the place so I stopped the car, told him to get out and he did. I think he thought I would come back and get him. I didn’t. :)
Riley Quinn 3 years ago
It's a well known fact that woman get gussied up to seduce their gay friends.
Evelyn Haskins 3 years ago
I don't wear lips stick and now I ALWAS wear trousers. My lips don't need it and my legs are like those concrete pillars that hold up multilevel car parks, The do NOT make women's shoes that fit my feet :-(
#25
I once gave a previous boyfriend some crackers and pepper jelly that I made as a snack, he had never had it before and thought I was delicious. Since he seemed to like it a lot, the next time I saw him I brought a jar of the jelly for him to take home....Well he did not like that, started yelling at me "Why would you give this to me??? I could make this by myself if I wanted to" got super angry and smashed it on the ground. It was such irrational behavior that I just wanted to laugh.
Christina Rosetti 3 years ago
...immediately leaves thread to Google "pepper jelly" recipies...
lazy panda 3 years ago
Be sure to put a little later of cream cheese underneath! Absolute heaven!
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#26
Dunno if it's just insecurity or sexism, probably a mix of both. My ex claimed he was deeply traumatized when he learned that his previous partner had a couple of one night stands before dating him, said he could never trust her again after she "confessed" to this.
Marcellus II 3 years ago
Wondering if it's insecurity or sexism is like wondering if it's dark or not light.
Kelsey Simons 3 years ago
Not all insecurity is sexism, but all sexism is insecurity
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Pam Page 3 years ago
Maybe I am just old, but when did it become normal for people to discuss past sexual partners with future sexual partners. I have been married for 40 years and I don't know how many past sexual partners my husband has had and he certainly doesn't know my sexual history. All that has ever mattered is our sexual history during our relationship.
Edward Willis 3 years ago
I think it changes based on the people involved. I couldn't imagine not knowing about my wife's sexual/relationship history, and her about mine. Not out of judgement, just interest. It didn't come up as soon as we met, of course, just was revealed over time.
Load More Replies... Marco Conti 3 years ago
She confessed to what? Cheating on future him? Are people gone totally bonkers?
Pepper McGowan 3 years ago
That's exactly what I was thinking of cheating on future him. That's a lot to be responsible for. I feel like enough of a jerk when I know I should separate my recyclables but sometimes through the cans in the regular garbage because technically I'm borrowing the planet from my future grandchildren. But having to atone for any orgasms not self-inflicted experience before next relationship no thank you.
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MKI fatiha 3 years ago
Omg. This is what my husband did to me the week of our wedding. He ruined my wedding day and nobody knew. I was 23 and he 26 in the 80s. He said he had the right to know how many boyfriends I had and assumed I slept with all of them and all my guy friends.. I came from a dysfunctional family and thought this was normal. I married a completely dysfunctional narcissist and didn't know it until 30 yrs later. Not until he broke me several.times to the point my kids TOLD me who and what he is. I thought and believed I was the crazy one. If any of you see any of these red flags break away immediately and don't look back. It only gets worse bc you accepted the behavior in the first place. For that they will nvr respect you. Never.
Wintermute 3 years ago
It's probably a thing called Retroactive jealousy. It's on the OCD spectrum.
Thomas Turnbull 3 years ago (edited)
My wife had lots of boyfriends before we met , so what she did not know me then. We sometimes talk to each other about our various relationships before we met. We did share a love of cats which was a great start to our romance
#27
I got yelled at because me and my friends used "big words" (not English) at a party. He was drunk and worked himself into a rage fit over weird things and this was what surfaced. His lower level of education was never a problem for me, and I didn't know it was for him until then. So bizzare.
Francisco Manuel Teruel Gutiérrez 3 years ago
From when I was 20 yo or so, I've always used (in Spanish) my "biggest words" with people annoying me. Most they are a nuisance, more refined is my vocabulary... Once, I even managed to recite a 17th century poem from Lope de Vega.
Pepper McGowan 3 years ago
You are the winner of the internet for me today with that. And I thought it was a triumphant moment when I ended up telling my friend's thieving landlady where she could go to do a laundry list of things to the devil and how she should get there... All in florid Spanish... She was calling me every other name to her husband and had no idea I was Cuban and I understand her.
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SelkieBlackfysh 3 years ago
My current gf is college educated. I'm not. I tend to speak very basically and coarsely. I swear a lot. So the overall image is I'm not an overly intelligent man. I'm not intimidated by her being 'smarter' or earning more than me. I do find it funny when I use words like "exsanguinate" she'll pause and look genuinely surprised I used it correctly in the sentence. Or the disbelief of me making a diy terrarium for my gecko with a built in water drainage/misting system. Being educated doesn't necessarily make you smarter than others after all.
No you can't have my name 3 years ago
There's a saying that goes something like "you see the truth of a person when the lights go out" and alcohol basically does that.
gellert grindlewald 3 years ago (edited)
why do those guys think it is important to be smarter that their SO?!!!
Candia Lee 3 years ago
So-called male superiority. They *must* be superior because they are male and she is *only* "weak" female.
Load More Replies... Riley Quinn 3 years ago
It's not his lower education level, it's the fact that he's not willing to further his education on his own. Don't understand something, then ask for clarification. Learning is a life-long mission.
Shanon Smith 3 years ago
I wonder what caused that to be a trigger for him. Also can I just say drinking will bring out the worst in anyone. "White girl wasted" is a figure of speech where I'm from for a reason.
#28
Didn’t like that I made more money than him.
Alexia 3 years ago
Very common. My former boyfriend was like that, and he tried to make me give up my job and get hired in the public institution where he was working. I love my job, I worked very hard to build a meaningful career and I wouldn't exchange it for a boring, low paid clerk job.
Bender Bending Rodríguez 3 years ago
I am so happy for you saying "former boyfriend". I am assuming you still have that job preferably with raise and promotion.
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Bender Bending Rodríguez 3 years ago
Not bragging or anything but my wife makes more than me. Just sayin' cause I am proud of her.
Load More Replies... Demi Zwaan 3 years ago
Ha, my husband is very happy that I make more than him. The more, the better :D Really don't understand this insecurity.
Brandy Reed 3 years ago
My husband and I share a great fun-filled joking relationship. Right after I started a new job where I made $1/hr more than he did after being at his job for almost 3 years, we went out to celebrate. I am also a decade older than him but he spent the entire night telling anyone who listened that I was his sugar mama wifey and drinks were on me cuz I made more than him. Hilarious! He's even retired military so you kinda expect him to be a little uptight, but nope. Still to this day when we go out somewhere, if I get to my card before he gets to his, he calls me SMW. 😂
Shanon Smith 3 years ago
When society pushes you to be the bread winner............all I'm saying is, society enforces gender roles on both sides. Some people just can't see the strings.
#29
He would get mad if I didn’t text him back in literally 3 minutes. Also saying how I didn’t post him enough on my Instagram… like what?? I’m with you should that not be enough? Lol.
Scott Kelly 3 years ago
I'm a quick text backer, my girlfriend is not lol. But I've never gotten on her case about taking forever to text back.. She knows she does, everyone who knows her knows she takes forever lol. I'm so used to it now it doesn't even phase me. People need to stop being so dramatic about replies from texts. People got sh*t to do, jobs to work.
Pepper McGowan 3 years ago
This should have more upvotes. I think I just dodged this bullet with somebody I met on a dating app who is completing about how I work too much and I don't answer my Facebook Messenger even though it says I'm online. I have Wi-Fi and I'm always online somewhere because nobody lives with me because I got rid of the last obsessive control freak. I'll probably be online after I'm dead because I forgot to unplug something oh well. Needy needy needy.
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
Hahahaha! My husband & I were just talking about this sh*t... MY cell phone is for MY convenience. Oh, I'm sorry - did you want to listen to my completely ass wrecking explosive diarrhea? No? - Then F*CK off.
Paola Pleše Svetličić 3 years ago
I think posting your partner in Instagram shouldn't be that big of a problem.
Sarah Moeding 3 years ago
There was a study done a few years ago that couples who share photos of themselves often are less happy, which makes a lot of sense.
#30
I had a ‘stalker x,’ who was insanely jealous and toxic. He said I was sleeping with anyone and everyone I came in contact with, even women. So I stopped talking about people at work. He was jealous of my kids. He took my kids to school in the mornings. He went the long way to see if my car was at work. He claimed my kids was asking where my car was because they didn’t see it. After a couple of times of him saying this, I asked my kids about it. They looked at me puzzled and said he was saying that. He threatened to leave us in Cherokee, threatened to kill me if I cheated, kick us out, then turned around, seconds later, and asked why we were packing. He threatened to kill himself numerous times. That’s just to name a few things. Such a toxic man and relationship. I am married to an incredible man now. So glad there are still good men out there and I finally have one 💜💜💜
Final score:
145points
Richard Portman 3 years ago
My neighbor had a stalker. It was a nightmare for her, and an ordeal for the rest of us. We tried to help him, but he was stuck. My poor neighbor. He finally moved away. He sent her a postcard from San Diego, saying that he found jesus and was happily married to a christian woman and her two daughters. That guy was bad news.
Phyllis Evers 3 years ago
I had an Ex threaten to commit suicide if i left as well. Told him the knives were in the drawer as I packed up myself and the kid.
Pusfarm 3 years ago
Bravo! The only problem with this is that he then becomes aware of handy weapons he can then use on you and your kid if he becomes unhinged (any further).
Load More Replies... Marco Conti 3 years ago
When guys say "I am going to kill myself if you leave me". Leave. With any luck he was being serious.
Damitria 3 years ago
Had a boyfriend who called and my dad picked up. Boyfriend told dad he would kill himself if I didn't come to the phone (I was asleep). Dad said "okay" and hung up the phone.
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Friend Kelli 3 years ago
On our 1st anniversary I asked my husband to take a picture of us holding a picture from our wedding day. (Courthouse in jeans, not fancy.) And he said it was a stupid idea. "What are you going to do, take a picture of us every year?"
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
My ex used to threated to kill himself all the time. (PLEASE). I finally put a shower liner down in the spare room . He was shocked . Oh, and by the way, you motherf*cking p*ssy, aim towards the west so I don't have to clean as much up.
Front_Runner 3 years ago
Maybe it's me who is out of touch, but this article is about just a small population of boys who sound like complete losers with zero confidence. Not all guys are like this. The headline on this article is a little bit deceiving. I've seen women literally do the same stuff to men including me.
Oopsydaisy 3 years ago
Yes,yes,yes, we know. Not All Men. Ffs. You know what? You are one of these men.
Load More Replies... #31
I once got home after a job interview and my ex wasn't there, a while later he phones me and says he has a puncture. I found out he had followed me to the interview and on his way he got a nail in his Tyre. He also used to fight with me because I said he couldn't just show up at my work unless he bought something, because otherwise it looks unprofessional. The best/worst was when he kept texting me while I was working and asking if I ever had blonde hair. Later that evening I got out the shower and saw him watching porn. Turns out he was convinced that the blonde girl giving major head was me. We looked nothing alike. So glad that psycho is out of my life.
Final score:
143points
Kanuli 3 years ago
Well. His insecurities aside. Would it be shocking to someone if your gf/bf really was a previous porn actor? And would it change who they are?
Kissarrah 3 years ago
It would definitely be shocking! Especially if they were well known in the industry! And that depends. Are they sexually liberal or conservative? Do they go out of their way to hide that side of them?
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Mercedes Olsen 3 years ago
I'm happy you are free from him! That is insanity! And so what if you WERE the woman in the porn? HE was the one watching!
Dani Alexander 3 years ago
What a nut job. Glad your out of that relationship before something real bad happened
tiktokism 3 years ago
Your significant other shouldn’t be hanging around your place of work, distracting you while you’re on the clock. Buy something or gtfo.
Load More Replies... #32
My boyfriend gets irritated when I mention the doctor at my job because he is a young male and doesn’t like that I mention a guy in conversation that is “more successful” than him even if it’s just in passing. Even if I just say he bought everyone at the office lunch or something like that
Tim 3 years ago (edited)
Also she said "get irritated". more indication that this might still be going on.
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Miss Frankfurter 3 years ago
I hope that in the very near future, if you were to write this again it would start "My ex-boyfriend would get irritated....."
Kimberly Buchanan Fisanick 3 years ago
A guy I was just friends with, totally tripped! He accused me of sleeping with an x and any and every other guy. We wasn't even dating. Then he turned around and act like nothing happened. My 'stalker x,' was the same way. I didn't have to mention a guys name to be accused.
Elizabeth Molloy 3 years ago
Dear lady. Get the hell out of there. This behaviour will only escalate.
Addressing insecurities in romantic relationships requires understanding subtleties like power dynamics, which can lead to jealousy and fear running rampant. It's essential to acknowledge when certain environments, such as bars, contribute to these dynamics. Recognizing signs of distress in these settings, such as the use of secret codes like 'angel shots' to ensure safety, is a step towards fostering healthier interactions.
For more insights on how bar staff can intervene effectively, exploring the impact of bartenders' awareness of potential threats can be enlightening.
#33
Matched on tinder. Went a few dates... I was out for dinner with my Dad (which I had actually TOLD him were my plans that evening). He blew up my phone when I didn't respond within an hour and accused me of being on a date with another guy, being a tinder slut and probably giving him a STI. I had to block him on multiple platforms... One of which he messaged me 'Don't ruin my life like my ex-girlfriend did.' It was intense!
#34
When I was 20 I was dating a man for about 4 or 5 months. We were going out to a halloween party with a bunch of his friends. He and I were roughly the same height. Not thinking about it I wore heels. I met him at the party and he told me I had to change my shoes. I didn't have other shoes with me and I was an hour from home since this was on his college campus. He wouldn't talk to me the entire night and when we got back to his place he screamed at me for an hour that I was an embarrassment. All because he was insecure about his height. I didn't care about his height. I dated two other men who were my height. The one stood on tippy toes the one time i saw him while wearing heels. The other never gave a shit about height and was confident. Guess which one I stayed friends with.
#35
One of my fav stories that I bring up routinely is from when I was a bartender. Had a 40 something year old gentleman and a lady come in and sit at the bar. He ordered a gin martini, and ordered for his companion as well. I made it, and served it to him. His face instantly dropped and he looked absolutely INSULTED. I confirmed that I got his order correct, and he assured me he ordered a martini. But he was furious I put it in a martini glass. I explained how it was a martini and it was literally designed for the drink he ordered. He demanded to get a “manly” glass. I made one in a rocks glass and he was fine…
I understand some people like stemless glasses or have issues with certain glassware and I have no problem accommodating, but I’ll never forget this man having a full on fit because his glass was emasculating him.
Per-Ole Sjuve 3 years ago
And he has a real healthy relationship with women. ;)
Load More Replies... Francisco Manuel Teruel Gutiérrez 3 years ago (edited)
At the Mexican restaurant, I ask for Piña Colada, while my wife has paint remover. My masculinity is still in place... Or maybe not, who cares, I just want my piña colada with umbrella.
Tina Harnish 3 years ago
He must not have seen all those males on t.v. and in movies drinking out of a martini glass.
#36
My mom’s ex husband would get incredibly insecure about my deceased father. The fact that I had pictures of him up in my room would drive him crazy, and he would often accuse her of “not being over him” even though he had been dead for nearly two decades.
That then turned into him just being overly suspicious of her cheating. We eventually discovered that he had cameras in the house, and that he had been secretly filming us. He didn’t catch her doing anything (shocker), but he did manage to get some footage of me walking around my room naked. They ended up divorcing shortly after.
jammer 3 years ago (edited)
Was about to comment how it is difficult to measure up to a memory of a dead man, but then I continued reading and oh wow, nope, not feeling the pain there, fu€k that guy.
Libstak 3 years ago
You don't need to measure up and, news flash, the widow or widower doesn't have to stop loving their deceased to fall in love again. There is no reason a person can't love 2 people their whole life under those circumstances. It's not like they are cheating on either partner, remember vows are "till death do us part" for this very reason. Someone in love will remain physically and consciously loyal to the person they are physically with no problem. They are also entitled to think fondly of the life they had with the departed. What would you have them do? Ignore the life they lived until the day they met you as though it had no value?
Load More Replies... JuniorCJ82 3 years ago
Whether or not you were a minor when that happened, that creep needs to be arrested.
Kishibe Angelo 3 years ago
dude no you are suppose to comfort them just becuase its ben to decades doesnt mean they got over it
#37
Wouldn't let me wear earrings to work because he thought I was trying to impress a male coworker. And mind you, there was no specific person. He just made him up in his mind, that if I all of a sudden want to wear earrings to work, it must mean I'm trying to have sex with some guy at my job. smh
(yes he was abusive and controlling but I'm free from that now)
#38
I wear men's cologne (girly smelling colognes tho). I just feel they work better and smell better than vanilla sunburst or whatever. He constantly would say "you smell like your other boyfriend" I didn't have another bf.
Lauren Caswell 3 years ago
The other post had a girl being criticized for having shampoo that would attract other men. Honestly they can use any scent, any damn excuse, all these boil down to: I don't trust you/I intend to own you like a possession
Francisco Manuel Teruel Gutiérrez 3 years ago
Well, this could be a regular joke inside a couple... but not "constantly".
#39
My ex of over 2 decades married, told me to "get over it"...2 DAYS after [my parent] funeral. I was still on leave from work and needed a day in bed to cry. And he wanted a pat on the back for taking half a day off to drive me to the funeral.
gellert grindlewald 3 years ago
uggg. happy he's an ex. sorry about your loss of an family member.
#40
So I had incredible pain in my right lung and went to the ER. Had to be hospitalized for a few days while they ran tests to sort out what was going on, my ex stayed with me the whole time, to his credit he even slept on the chair in my little ER room and wouldn’t leave my side. I appreciated it, until he started going nuts from stress and sleep deprivation.
So they took me to a room in the hospital after my initial waiting period in the ER, and he would cuddle me in my hospital bed, but the nurses had to come check on me routinely at all odd hours, and they’d kick him out of the bed to take my blood or check my vitals.
After a few days of this madness, I was assigned to a young doctor about our age and he came in to take some mucous samples and talk to me about what tests they were running. I’m sitting there discussing the different symptoms I’m experiencing in a hospital gown, no makeup, feeling ratchet AF Bc I was hooked to an IV and hadn’t had a proper shower in days, this guy is literally holding a cup of my snot. (Gross, I know)
After he leaves, my ex starts getting really jealous and says that this doctor wanted to make love with me, and that apparently by discussing my symptoms with a man holding a cup of my literal snot, I was flirting.
Initially I attributed this to our combined stress and sleep deprivation, but once they released me from the hospital, I realised how ridiculous he really was and he stuck to his guns right up until the end. It was so ludicrous.
Kishibe Angelo 3 years ago
i have many disappointments in people. i can't say men because my own mom gets jealous that i get a girlfreind and she tries to convince or force us to break up. why are people gotta be this dumb
#41
When I got my career in the gaming industry, my male "friend" felt insecure enough to state I'd be 50 and alone because women with careers are statistically lonely and will end up regretting it cause he just know. He was an incel who convinced himself I was his one true waifu. He resorted to so many tactics to kill my self esteem. They also said I wasn't enough of a gamer to have a job at a gaming company.
Dav Carro-Ripalda 3 years ago
I did not know you had to be a gamer to develop gaming software. It is like having to be a dj if you work as a sound engineer, or so...
Susie Elle 3 years ago
He does know that, statistically, single women are the happiest out of any civil status?
#42
My ex boyfriend!
Refusing to take care of his own child when I was around because that’s women’s work. Specially if any of his buddies were around.
Treating me like a maid when his friends were around.
#43
Stalked me when I asked for space.
Believed, and told everyone we knew and posted online, that the only reason I'd want to break up with him is that I am paranoid and psychotic because of my child abuse, because he'd "done everything right" and "checked all the boxes."
Also asked a lot about my pansexuality and if I was "really just a stone [lesbian slur]" any time I didn't show enough interest in having sex multiple times a day.
#44
I was reaaaaally sick while dating this guy. In and out of hospital. I also started my own small dog walking business and was working every day to get it off the ground. He’d often berate me and tell me it was the easiest job in the world and could not fathom why I struggled so much with daily operations while he sat at home and smoked weed, listened to music, and drank.
When I was finally able to move out I decided to give up my business, find less demanding work, and focus on my health. He wanted to take over so I said sure! I’ll even help you with everything, all you have to do is walk the dogs. I’ll do everything else till you get settled.
I saw him at the dog park a week later and he looked exhausted. He said I quit, please call the clients and tell them I cannot do this. It’s horrible and my car is a wreck.
This dude shredded me on a daily basis and tore up my self esteem and couldn’t do my job for one week. I did it for a full year hardly any days off while sick!! And I thought I was the weak one in that relationship. Yikes!
#45
"I don't think you dress well enough to be my girlfriend, people are going to think something's off because, I'm a pretty boy, and people expect a certain standard from the girlfriend of a pretty boy."
We'd been dating for a year at that point, both attending a small college where everyone knew everyone and nobody cared.
And he wasn't a pretty boy, he was a wannabe.
#46
My last relationship ended because he admitted to going on my phone to look at my texts. Sadly this wasn’t the first time. He had already owned up to doing it multiple times before - he didn’t specify how many - but he promised me he wouldn’t do it again (we were trying to reconcile after months of fighting). I told him I would forgive him but if he did it again I’d break up with him. So, I did.
The worst part wasn’t even that he didn’t find anything incriminating (because there was nothing to find, of course) but that he apparently went so far back into my texts that he found old conversations between me and past partners including photos that had been shared. It was extremely invasive. He would even go into texts I had with my friends to see what I was telling them about him.
It was one of the biggest sticking points in our relationship. If someone did that to me again there would be no forgiveness, I am not playing that game anymore.
#47
My Ex got jealous when I asked him to tell a mutual male friend hello from me. Considering that the mutual friend was in a relationship and neither of us wanted to date each other, ever, at any point (which my ex knew), this was weird.
#48
When I was in uni I was dating this guy who’d already graduated and gotten a job. One reason for breaking up that he gave me was that it made him feel bad that when we’d both be WFH (me studying and him working) I’d get much more done than he did. Not entirely sure how that was supposed to be a serious enough character flaw on my part to warrant a dumping but hey.
Candia Lee 3 years ago
My SO "commented" on a task I hadn't accomplished (due to bad weather, mostly), then complained loudly when I jumped up to do it. Didn't offer to help when he saw me struggle. Meh.
#49
My ex idealized his mother and would constantly compare me to her because he was deeply insecure my life didn't revolve exclusively around him like his mom's revolved around being a wife and SHAM. The comparisons turned into arguments that I was "ruining" the relationship because I was in school, working, and had friends and hobbies.
#50
He got angry because my wallpaper in my phone was my celebrity crush. He said this guy would not even notice or like me. Lol. He also said that I should not put other mens face on my phone because it’s disrespectful to him even if its a celebrity…
DuchessDegu 3 years ago
My partner's phone wallpaper is a female celebrity and I think it's awful. It should be a photo of the most important female in his life - our cat! 😸
Magoomba 3 years ago (edited)
When I was married I carried a pic of her in my wallet. Years later after we divorced & she re-married we were talking and she asked me if I still had her pic in my wallet and was upset when I said ‘No. Why would I be carrying a picture of another man’s wife in my wallet?”
#51
I dated a guy for 6 years who was insecure about his package. He constantly accused me of cheating, said I was too loose and that meant I was cheating. He would stop mid-sex and ask me if he was enough or tell me he didn’t feel like he was enough. He always accused me of not being honest about how many men I slept with before him. Asked me to compare his size with my ex. It was a toxic mess. I couldn’t even go the grocery store without being accused of cheating.
Cecily Holland 3 years ago
Out the door 5 seconds later. Sorry can’t stand insecurity fishing. It’s toxic and VERY annoying
Kanuli 3 years ago
Insane. And why didn’t he try to make his size up with different techniques and more? He surely had a tongue, fingers, or you could have gotten toys. My way to deal with insecurities, of not being good enough, is giving my wife plenty orgasms, and suddenly we both feel much better 😂
#52
My ex decided it was time to leave me because I asked to see our (I say our, but I paid for most of it) truck's manual to figure out a stereo issue he had been putting off for over a year. He said as a man, that's his job and it was too much for him to handle for me to even ask.
(The issue in question only affected my side of the stereo, zero audio would play, I suspected a blown fuse. He didn't care because it didn't impact him).
We were together 11+ years at that point, and it was the best thing he ever did for me!
Cattress511 3 years ago
I think my husband is very masculine, but when it comes to fixing anything, that is my department. Around the condo plumbing/electric/appliances/hvac, non engine related car stuff, smart phones, laptops, whatever it is, I fix it. And he is confident and secure enough that he sees that as a benefit- saves us a lot of money. And he works with very right leaning group, who have some chauvinistic ideas, but he hasn't been the least bit uncomfortable saying 'yeah my wife is almost done installing that new window thingy on my car so I can head out to the conference shortly. No, I told you she won't let me drive it in freezing temperatures and rain if I can't put the window up, so she's fixing it'. His confidence is sexy.
#53
Oh boy do I have for this one-My friend posted me on her social media, and this was my fault because "I did not tell her to remove it, meaning I clearly want attention from other guys"
I am not the jealous type-he was. In an attempt to make me jealous he would flirt with other girls, he also had a girl post him on her social media as #mancrush to get a reaction from me,
He had his best friend text me to see if I "was loyal"
Criticized my clothes because "showing off my body" (I actually dress really modest so this came as a shock)
We discussed marriage and future plans he said that"he didn't see why I should go out with friends alone much less when married""shouldn't work because than other guys might come at you.....well maybe at an office where you're secluded and don't really have to interact with anyone"
Used "Only you can help me change my insecurities" one too many times
When I wanted to break up "If you break up with me than I'm going to become a terrible person" (he did)
Needless to say he was very toxic
Sweetie Cake🇺🇦 3 years ago
“going to become a terrible person” GOING TO?? Honey he already was.
#54
My first relationship was with a guy that felt the need to talk about the hot models and actresses he had had sex with before me.
I literally never asked and it wasn’t relevant to anything but he still showed me these girls Instagrams as if he wanted a medal for how much of a stud he was.
Anyway, the guy was terrible with money and always running to mommy and daddy for cash handouts, never gave me an orgasm, was a high school dropout, balding by 23 and already had a drinking problem.
I saw why none of these hot women were still with him.
Also upon further inspection half of the girls weren’t even following him back on social media. He just made himself look like an utter fool.
Mattewis88 3 years ago
"I saw why none of these hot women were still with him." Honey, they never were, I'm fairly certain.
JustAnother Soul 3 years ago
That he was balding by 23 is not a red flag. To criticize someone for balding is, as it is something that is not a fault nor in a persons power to control or change. Red flags on both sides here.
#55
I was dating a very nice boy who seemed not to have an opinion on anything. When I tried talking to him about it, and about how I didn't even feel like I knew him even after a month of dates, he told me "tell me what you want and that's what I'll be."
Yikes. I hope he's gotten therapy since then, truly.
whalebox 3 years ago
I don't think this is insecurity so much as it is straight-up no self-esteem. I feel bad for the guy.
Hat And Tie 3 years ago
Yeah most of these guys are just going crazy because of toxic masculinity. But this guy could be depressed.
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Dylan Dowds 3 years ago
It definitely can. I used to almost pride myself on not having strong opinions about things... Lots of therapy later and now I value myself and trust my instincts and beliefs enough to realise I've always had strong opinions, I just never felt safe to express them. So instead I moulded myself into whatever I thought people wanted me to be, and was hurting myself terribly in the process.
Load More Replies... #56
My ex didn't like that I spoke more languages than him. So he told me, if he's around, I am to NEVER speak a language he doesn't know
Kimi Tomminello 3 years ago
😱 my hubby loves that I speak multiple languages. I hear this all the time though. I honestly don't understand why though. Why are there people that are offended by their spouse speaking more than 1 language?
Dee 3 years ago
Because you could say things they don’t understand, maybe things about them and on down the rabbit hole… that’s my guess anyway.
Load More Replies... LynzCatastrophe 3 years ago
I can speak Russian (I know, I know), and Japanese. My heritage is German but I had a hard time grasping that one and only know enough basic sentences if I'm ever in Germany and they're very broken. My husband speaks amazing German. He doesn't care that know more languages. He finds it awesome and we made a game of how many insults we can call the other (don't worry guys, I promise we're just a strange couple).
Dylan Dowds 3 years ago
I could understand "don't speak to me in a language I don't understand", but don't speak AT ALL in a language I don't understand?? That's so freaking useful! Imagine all the different experiences you could have if you embraced it!
#57
The man who was insecure was a guy who stood at 5'6. He was taller than me and he was average to taller height for our people. But boy was he insecure. He didn't like it when I wore boots, he didn't like my best friend around him, she's a woman standing at 5'10 in flats. If I wore shoes that were anything more than flats he'd throw a fit, would make me walk home, make me take them off, say how ashamed and how he loss face because of me. Men like this who hold their height to this insane degree aren't worth it.
Then they blame us for leaving them because they were too "short" when their height was never the issue. Good for you for getting put of that situation!
Vanessa Richardson 3 years ago
I can’t reply to Mattewis’ comment for some reason, but I get what he’s saying. (And I think his comment is coming from a good place.) BP has posted many examples of toxic women talking about how men have to be a certain height if they want to date them. I can see how that can negatively affect some men’s perception of their own hight.
Mattewis88 3 years ago
Thank you Vanessa. :) I help my friends on dating profiles all the time (boys should really stay away from holding fish on Tinder photos), so I've had a chance to see the other side. I personally don't care about height my husband is the same height as me but I can't wear heels anyway. Women on dating apps are TOXIC AF about height. "If you're not 6ft, swipe left." literally. It needs to stop.
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Kimi Tomminello 3 years ago
I get what you're saying but in my life I've only met 2 women that have outwardly acted that way. I know they are definitely out there but is at really that bad? BP and reddit are my only "social media" outlets so I'm asking honestly not facetiously.
Load More Replies... Kobus Loots 3 years ago
I can understand the insecurity but the way that he is handling this not even slightly okay.
Brandy Grote 3 years ago
But if she's taller, her bewbs are right in your face! I fail to see an issue!
#58
Spent the night with someone else, then blamed it on me not being there at that moment. If I was there in person, he wouldn't have done anything supposedly.
When he broke up with me, I began dating someone else. He then said I cheated because we were not broken up, just on a "break" and that meant we were together still.
For months after that, he harassed me daily because we worked together. I moved to get away. Years later, I saw him at a store. He started chasing me, so I ran. He now works with my mom. She seems to not remember him, and he claims he doesn't know me when she showed him a picture of me. Good times.
#59
My bf (now fiancé) used to be jealous of my dog. My dog, Charlie, was my best friend since I was 7. I was 16 when I started dating my bf. He would ask me stupid things like: “who do you love more, me or Charlie?” Obviously Charlie. Don’t even ask. It was weird because I had another dog who happened to be a girl named Princess, but since I had bottle-fed her, she was more like my baby than my bff. He was never jealous of her. Apparently he wanted to be my best friend, not my dog. Lol he obviously got over it but it was pretty weird
Dorothy Parker 3 years ago
I hope the reddit responders told her to think again about this guy.
#60
Ooooh I got one! He wouldn’t get a job, wouldn’t watch our child so that I could work, would tear up my resumes if I had planned on job hunting. But he would get absolutely furious if I asked anyone for money. He went off the rail when I said I was going to go hold a sign on the side of the street, saying that makes HIM look bad.
Candia Lee 3 years ago
That reminds me of the guy who owed me $$ and yelled at me cause he chose to sell his a$$ to pay me back. My fault.
Cecily Holland 3 years ago
Seriously don’t blame others for your own choices. What a jerk
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#61
I was at an arts and crafts show and wanted a giant decorative plank with Indiana Jones on it from Raiders of the Lost Ark. i thought it would look great in our playroom. My husband at the time immediately shut me down, and kept trying to point me toward other ones instead, with different nostalgic characters or scenes depicted on them. I calmly explained that I didn’t just need a heavy, trapdoor sized chunk of seven boards nailed together. I liked that one specifically because the Indiana Jones trilogy had always been one of my favorite things to watch, and my children liked it too.
After I walked around the fair for a couple of hours and was still thinking about it, I decided to buy it. He insisted on going to get it for me, since it was heavy, so I handed him the forty bucks.
He came back with a plank depicting the fucking Goonies. When I got unreasonably upset and tried to take it back to exchange it he berated me about having “a picture of another man on the wall of the kids’ room!!” (Harrison Ford in a fedora.)
He never backed down from that, and I ended up with a forty dollar decorative sign I resented and wished I’d never spent money on. That was years ago and I never even hung it up bc I get annoyed every time I see it (and I actually like The Goonies. It’s just the principle of the matter.)
Demi Zwaan 3 years ago
He's now your ex and you still have the sign? I'd burn it in the backyard, for some closure :D
#62
I’m bi, and when I came out to my ex he told me I better not leave him for a girl/date a girl after him if we broke up or he wouldn’t be a man. Not really sure why I stayed with him for another two years after that. Or why his masculinity was so fragile that my sexuality could derail it. But that’s a him problem.
Vanessa Richardson 3 years ago
I love that she says “that’s a him problem” instead of “that’s his problem” because the problem is literally him😅
#63
He had a bald head and an average sized penis. Both totally fine. He was CONSTANTLY talking about how In porn, men with “those big d***s” have fake d***s. We had talked about something to do with porn and I wanted to show him what I was talking about …so I sent him a clip and that was his response. The guys d**k wasn’t even that big, it was just bigger than his. And he would always take the opportunity to talk about men with hair/man buns. We went to dinner one night and our server was really cute (favored jason mamoa) with the long hair. . I never even pointed out the dudes looks, he did! Lmao He kept talking about how stupid his hair looked. But it always came off as jealous to me, why bring the looks of someone up all the time? And he talked about guys with big dicks a lot too. It was such a turn off.
Lily bloom 3 years ago
Shame on you, BP. You didn't censor that one word. Now I know this guy wasn't jealous of big ducks.
Piet Puk 3 years ago (edited)
Maybe he was secretely gay and needed an excuse to bring up other guys looks.
#64
When I broke up with my ex he spent months trying to get me back. Letters, flowers, a proposal, reaching out to my friends and family, to name just a few of his tactics. He was abusive and manipulative so it took me just as long to put my foot down and tell him to go away for good. When it was finally clear that I wasn’t going to come back to him, he flipped from “I love you you’re perfect I would do anything for you” to “I never loved you” in a heart beat. I was the first time he ever was told “no” and didn’t get his way so he was wildly insecure and tried to control the situation.
#65
My ex hated when I was "trying to sound smart". He actually believed we only use 10% of our brains. I had to show him google results to convince him otherwise
Spikey boi 3 years ago
I though the 10% of the brains thing was something we believed in kindergarden.
Cecily Holland 3 years ago
Apparently not according to old mate in the post lol
Load More Replies... #66
My ex always felt like he owned me. I was closed up in his tiny apartment every other weekend when we hung out and I got so depressed and totally changed, both physically and mentally. He begged me to stay every time I tried to leave him and every single time I started crying and took him back. Such a horrible experience. I’m not free and happier than ever.
#67
He would constantly feel like he’s underperforming in bed and I’m wrong for wanting to have sex with him. Would start a fight after having a vulnerable moment because I saw him being vulnerable.
Kanuli 3 years ago
I don’t get it? If he thought he was underperforming, why didn’t he just do more? Like when she can’t walk anymore after some hours of love, kisses, massages, fingers, and all, how can you still feel like you underperformed? And even if it’s only been 10min, you could just ask, maybe not in the most insecure way? And sometimes these questions might lead to round 2?
#68
I was in nursing school at Georgia state, he thought I was going to the library to meet guys. One day he walked me to the public library in downtown Atlanta a few blocks from my dorm. It was awful. Everything old and outdated. Homeless people. GSU has an amazing, large library that STUDENTS PAY FOR. He wasn’t in school, no GED no nothing.
NsG 3 years ago
I think he wanted her to go to the (horribly funded and run-down) public library where she stands absolutely no chance of meeting another man, instead of going to her actual school library where's she's also still not meeting men, but studying to better her education and life.
Load More Replies... #69
He came home one day and saw me sitting in the living room with my roommate and one of his friends. We were all laughing having a good time. He turned around and walked out the door, then blew up on me about it later. Later in after I gained the sense to leave him, (for the 4th time) I kicked him out and he was still staying in the spare room for about 2 weeks before I had to start yelling and telling him to GTFO. His mom lived down the street and that’s where he lived before he stayed with me, so there was no reason for him to still be there. I think the only reason he actually left was because he was convinced that I cheated on him with the roommate.
Roommate and I are now engaged, so maybe there was justification behind his insecurity. But there was no sort of chemistry going on while we were together.
Cold Contagious 3 years ago
This story doesn't sound like the others. He was triggered by a specific incident involving her being home with her male roommate and another man who were having a good time together while he wasn't home. He may have sensed something was off about it. She doesn't have any problems with him before that incident, that she mentions and then goes on to say that maybe he was justified. Maybe there wasn't any sex going on with the roommate but there probably was some chemistry there that her bf picked up on.
#70
Not letting me see any of my friends unless he was with me and he didn’t like them so it was always awkward.
He wouldn’t take me to see my mom ( I didn’t drive then) so I went 1 1/2 years without seeing her except for twice when I snuck to see her once I started to drive. I dated him from 20-25.
#71
I also had a long term boyfriend who threatened to jump out of window when I said that I want to break up with him , he was drunk and we were both young (21) I had to hold him while he was trying to jump out …
KombatBunni 3 years ago
Eh, I would have let him jump. I have zero time and sympathy for people like that.
Francisco Manuel Teruel Gutiérrez 3 years ago
She did the correct thing... imagine all the paperwork!
Load More Replies... Requiem 3 years ago
Thats just what people say in this situation, my very first girl friend who I had never wanted to date in the first place actually tried to kill her self which than had me stick around for a few more months. People who Say they are going to kill themselves are the ones looking for attention and arent actually going to do it. People who commit suicide have already committed to it and you dont find out until afterwards
#72
Not letting me post selfies because other men would get "turned on" by my face
#73
I stopped hanging with an ex since it appeared he was using me for sexual purposes and was being a jerk. Anyways he messaged me one day and when I mentioned I was going out of town he got jealous accusing me of meeting another man (when in actuality I was going to the zoo with my family from abroad). The irony is he blamed me for him hooking up with other women because I stopped having sex with him.
#74
A guy spent months trying to chat me up despite having a girlfriend. I ignored all advances and tried to not make it awkward until I had to say something. I was bordering on an ED at the time which he knew and when I finally told him I wasn’t interested, he told me to shut up he wouldn’t have wanted me anyway as I was 24 stone. Continued to stalk me afterwards. Waster.
#75
This was just a guy I went on a date with, not someone I was with for any length of time. Still funny though!
So, I am 5’9”. I don’t think I’m hugely tall in the grand scheme of things, but I’m tall for a woman. I didn’t list my height on dating apps (or ask people for their height), but I included photos that I thought reasonably showed the amount of space I take up in this world. Anyway.
I had matched with a guy on Tinder and while I was pretty sure there wasn’t any attraction there, I was happy enough to meet for a coffee. I got there first, grabbed a table, and waited. The guy arrived, apologised for being late, and sat down. I noticed he was short and slight, but it didn’t bother me. We were at one of those places where you order at the counter inside, so he got up to order first and when he got back we swapped. When I stood up, I saw this look cross his face. Anyway, didn’t think much more about it, ordered my coffee and food, and came back. We chatted, there was 0% chemistry, and after we’d finished with our food it came time to end the date.
Now, I usually (pre-COVID, anyway) liked to end dates with a hug or at least a handshake. So we made our “end of date” chit chat, and I stood to leave. He stayed seated. It felt weird. I awkwardly shook his hand over the table, grabbed my bag, and walked away. It felt SO weird to leave someone behind like that, especially when he’d just told me he was heading home too.
On my way to my car, someone stopped and asked me for directions. When I turned around, there was my date, who froze in the process of slinking towards his car. He was clearly hoping to avoid any situation where he would have to stand near me and make our height difference apparent. I just waved as he gave a shifty smile and avoided eye contact.
Ah well. It’s hilarious now. The height difference genuinely wouldn’t have mattered much to me if we had chemistry, but we really didn’t. His insecurity around his height is what kept him in my memory though
#76
I finally slept with him after years of flirting. I’m short, he’s short, think like less than 5’3 for both of us. The first time we finally had actual sex, the first thing out of his mouth was “Am I too small?!?” Total buzz kill.
Brandy Grote 3 years ago
Do you have fingers? A tongue? Use your BODY, not just your peen, idiot.
#77
I once told my then boyfriend I preferred a different internship over working with mentally disabled people. Somehow he turned that into me thinking I was better than him(?!) I still don't get it
Kimi Tomminello 3 years ago (edited)
Did he have a learning disability or maybe someone close to him does? I could completely understand him taking offense in that case. OP is leaving a good chunk of the story out.
#78
He was leaving for the Navy, and a week before asked me to date him. Tried to get me to have sex with him, and groped me many times. He leaves and then decides to send me pictures of him with another girl with absolutely no guilt. Rude.
Brandy Grote 3 years ago
When I was overseas, the men would say " oh I'm separated from my wife. " Yeah, by the Pacific Ocean. You are still married, though.
#79
One of my ex’s would make me TAG HIM on IG of pictures of me that he has taken. & when I told him that was dumb and unnecessary he got so upset with me. So I would do it, tag him on those pictures he has taken and I always felt weird doing it. Like ugh. Can’t believe I put up with that
Requiem 3 years ago
Why wouldnt you TAG HIM in something that he was involved in? christ sakes my step daughters tag all their friends and me and their mother in photos none of us were ever involved in. It shows that he was at that location with his Girlfriend. Not "insecure" My wife spends too much time on facebook and IG like you do and gets upset if I dont comment on things she tags me in which is actually and literally unnecessary since she knows what I think of it in real life
Jessica N 3 years ago
Definitely insecure, and wife is too. If person is not in pic it's weird to tag unless bringing their attention to it
Load More Replies... #80
I was going back to my home town for a “girls weekend” to celebrate two friends 30th birthdays. Not sure why, but he decided he was coming with me. He wasn’t invited, nor did he ask if he could come, he just booked a plane ticket and said he was coming.
I guess once we were around all my friends (male and female) he felt super insecure and proceeded to buy all the drinks all night. It got to the point where he looked ridiculous running to the bar every 15 minutes to buy someone a drink.
Eventually I got tired of his self deprecating humor and inability to have normal conversations with people our age. Obviously we broke up. Not so much of a horror story, just behavior I thought was strange at the time.
My now husband never behaved that way and neither did any other guys I dated.
Tobias Reaper 3 years ago
i dont get this one he was buying people drinks and that is a problem why plus it says girls weekend but then it says around your friends male and female he makes jokes so he is funny and generous buying people drinks and you broke up with him and you say your husband never behaves that ay so he isnt funny and doesnt buy anyone drinks yea this story sounds real suss to me
Requiem 3 years ago
He was making him self useful around people he didnt know. This entire generation is "insecure" or "anxiety ridden" going on about being introverts. Your Partner doesnt need to be invited as if it was any other kind of weekend youd be here complaining how he made excuses Not to go. It isnt a "girls weekend" if you are not Solely with girls but Everyone you knew in your home town. This guy did a bad job of trying to impress people he didnt know and was socially inept which should have been a good reason for him to stay home.
Candia Lee 3 years ago
You don't invite yourself to someone else's party. Basically, the dude stalked her and her friends and tried to cover it up w $$$. He *should* have been uncomfortable.
Load More Replies... What do you think ?
Skylar Jaxx 3 years ago
Indeed. Now let me stop complaining mines play to much I rather be playing 24/7 then any of what's happening in these post!
Load More Replies...
Cortney Payton 3 years ago
Right! Do you laugh or cry about it? Both? At the same time? 😀😭😂😫😐😶
Load More Replies... Bender Bending Rodríguez 3 years ago
I had to stop reading at 31st post. Some of these want me to face palm these men with a sledge hammer. Ladies please do yourself a favor and don't stick around, you deserve better and you will find someone better.
Celeste Grant 3 years ago
It's not always that easy! Sometimes women are stuck due to financial reasons, or because they are never allowed any opportunity to get out. Sometimes it's the threats of what will be done to them if they escape that keeps them, or the fear that the abuser might kill themselves and that somehow they would be found guilty of their death.... there are so many reasons why someone can't just leave or end an abusive relationship and it feels a little like victim blaming when someone says why did you stay, why didn't you leave, why did you let him do it...
Load More Replies...
James Smith 3 years ago
I hope people can learn from others' experiences. All of these things should be cause for immediately breaking up with that person. And I believe some of them are crimes in some states, like saying "I'll kill myself if you leave me."
Maxine Cooper 3 years ago
One of my ex's would get home from work and ask if I had had visitors during the day. If I said no he would say ' well I have to believe you cos I wasn't here to see'.
Justine Queequag 3 years ago
Stories like these make you wonder why these women would even give these guys a second date
Anton Kider 3 years ago
Insecure people with inferiority complexes are really bad. Also censoring ridicoulous words. I might quit BP (British Petroleum) for treating me as a child and changing so much lately.
Skylar Jaxx 3 years ago
Indeed. Now let me stop complaining mines play to much I rather be playing 24/7 then any of what's happening in these post!
Load More Replies... Cortney Payton 3 years ago
Right! Do you laugh or cry about it? Both? At the same time? 😀😭😂😫😐😶
Load More Replies... Bender Bending Rodríguez 3 years ago
I had to stop reading at 31st post. Some of these want me to face palm these men with a sledge hammer. Ladies please do yourself a favor and don't stick around, you deserve better and you will find someone better.
Celeste Grant 3 years ago
It's not always that easy! Sometimes women are stuck due to financial reasons, or because they are never allowed any opportunity to get out. Sometimes it's the threats of what will be done to them if they escape that keeps them, or the fear that the abuser might kill themselves and that somehow they would be found guilty of their death.... there are so many reasons why someone can't just leave or end an abusive relationship and it feels a little like victim blaming when someone says why did you stay, why didn't you leave, why did you let him do it...
Load More Replies... James Smith 3 years ago
I hope people can learn from others' experiences. All of these things should be cause for immediately breaking up with that person. And I believe some of them are crimes in some states, like saying "I'll kill myself if you leave me."
Maxine Cooper 3 years ago
One of my ex's would get home from work and ask if I had had visitors during the day. If I said no he would say ' well I have to believe you cos I wasn't here to see'.
Justine Queequag 3 years ago
Stories like these make you wonder why these women would even give these guys a second date
Anton Kider 3 years ago
Insecure people with inferiority complexes are really bad. Also censoring ridicoulous words. I might quit BP (British Petroleum) for treating me as a child and changing so much lately.
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