“This Is A Controversial One”: Woman Shares 5 Things Her BF Is Not Allowed To Do
It’s more than OK to have expectations and standards for relationships. If anything, everyone’s entitled to an opinion. But, regardless of that, it takes (at least) two to tango, and your take might not always work with the other’s take.
A woman has recently shared her “hot take” of a rule set for her significant others. And, let’s just say, the rules are understandable to some, all the while borderline outrageous to others. Needless to say, a discussion ensued and has the internet torn about it.
At this point, a woman has the internet wildly debating her 5 strict rules for her boyfriend
Image credits: fauxels (not the actual photo)
“Let’s talk about five things I’d never allow my boyfriend to do”
Image credits: taylordonoghuee
“First is super obvious, but I would never allow my boyfriend to have a girl best friend. I don’t believe in them. I think those get messy. You could have female, like, friends and acquaintances, but like a female best friend? Absolutely not.”
Image credits: taylordonoghuee
“The second thing is, I will never not allow my boyfriend to let me know where he’s at location-wise. I feel like you get to a point where when you’ve been dating someone for so long, having each other’s like locations on like “Find My iPhone” is more of a safety thing. I just want to make sure he’s okay.
Am I stalking every hour? No, but I feel like it’s just one of those things that when you care about someone, you will tell them [your] whereabouts. I feel like it’s kind of shady if you’re dating someone and they don’t want you to know where they’re at. Like that’s a huge red flag.”
Image credits: taylordonoghuee
“The third thing I never allow my boyfriend to do is go to strip clubs. And I feel like this is a controversial one, and some couples go to them together. But nope, not our scene. You can go to bars, you can have a guys’ night, but strip clubs… Absolutely not.”
Image credits: taylordonoghuee
“The fourth thing I would never allow my boyfriend to do is pay all the bills. I feel like the men paying for 100% of everything is just like wrong. And I’m not even trying to sound ‘pick me.’
I obviously think, especially early on, the guy should take on majority of the bills. But I’d be lying if I said like, I didn’t pay for it. Also my mindset is like, even though we’re not married, I’m not trying to run him dry and he’s not trying to run me dry.”
Image credits: taylordonoghuee
“And the fifth and last thing is I would never let my boyfriend like girls’ bikini photos on Instagram. I feel like that’s a huge red flag for obvious reasons.
I feel like there’s been so much more awareness on this, but it always makes me sad when I see someone that’s like married with kids or just in a relationship and they’re like, liking girls’ photos, especially very like provocative ones. I’m just like, it’s not a good look.”
Image credits: taylordonoghuee
Internet personality Taylor Donoghue (@taylordonoghue) recently posted a TikTok video listing the 5 strict rules she has for her boyfriend. The video was posted just 6 days ago, but already it had over 800,000 views with a bit over 40,000 likes.
In it, she draws lines with rules like no girl-best friends (while female friends in general are OK), always sharing his location (she claims it’s for safety reasons), no strip clubs, the guy taking on the majority of the bills, and no liking bikini pics on social media.
Well, folks online were torn on the matter. One side of the internet agreed with Taylor. Some people said they were burned by their significant other having roommates of the opposite gender and allowing their significant others to go to strip clubs. Others agreed in the sense that it’s good to have rules and boundaries, and if that’s a problem, then don’t date.
The other side of the internet, however, had questions. Some saw a lot of “double standard” talk in it, others were against imposing rules per se and instead expressing wishes and desires, and yet others were questioning if her boyfriend has rules of his own for her. And, as of this article, there is actually a video about it.
In his list, it was no flirting with guys at the bar, no liking guys’ Instagram pics, texting updates when you’re out on the town, and no lip filler. There was no fifth rule—he simply remarked that he essentially gives Taylor freedom to do what she wants, e.g. post whatever on social media, wear whatever she wants and the like.
Image credits: Tan Danh (not the actual photo)
You can check out the full video below
@taylordonoghueeHot take but just my opinion 🤷🏽♀️♬ original sound – Taylordonoghuee
Rules in relationships are a must. They are what make for some strong, long-term bonds between people
Having personal rules for relationships as well as general ones are necessary in relationships all the same. And, believe it or not, there is rationale in Taylor’s rules too.
Not cheating on your significant other is a universal rule in modern society, and everyone draws lines differently. To some, cheating is a literal act of doing it, while others draw the line way ahead of time with things like no flirting or even looking.
Paying for things more than the other partner can be akin to the rule of pampering each other. This is advised as a precaution of sorts as well as an extra expression of love for them.
Heck, be yourself—and if you have rules, express them. It’s things like this, plus respecting the partner’s boundaries, being at their side, appreciating them for who they are, and being humble that are all excellent expressions of love that go a long way. Like, up to a lifetime of togetherness.
Setting rules is also an art in and of itself, so, tl;dr: express your expectations at the beginning of a relationship, set up ground rules and deal breakers as it develops, and stay flexible as it’s a team effort.
So, what are your thoughts on any of this? Do you have strict no-compromise rules for significant others? Share your thoughts and stories in the comment section below!
Image credits: Tirachard Kumtanom (not the actual photo)
On the one hand, there were those who wholeheartedly supported Taylor
Others were quick to criticize the video, pointing out an overly restrictive dynamic in a relationship
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Stop posting TikTok articles of screenshots of some moron's giant face and utter stupidity.
Agreed! These really bring down the level of this site to junior high school (the mean side of junior high school).
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"allow"? what does she think she is? his mother? And weirdly enough, she makes a bunch of rules and nowhere in there says she would follow them. Will she give constant notifications to him of where he is? Will he prohibit her having a male friend? etc etc
And she would undoubtedly pitch a holy fit it HE made rules for HER.
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“First is super obvious, but I would never allow my boyfriend to have a girl best friend. I don’t believe in them. I think those get messy." Don't believe in them? We're not talking about Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy here. Seriously, though, I think we all know that what she really means is 'attractive' female best friend. Four of the five 'rules' here point to only one conclusion: she has trust issues that need resolving if she's ever going to feel secure in a relationship.
I agree that she probably has trust issues, but I also agree with her on most of what she finds unacceptable. Someone in a committed relationship has basically no business going to a strip club, or "liking" an opposite sex person's sexy pics. Sharing location with a significant other seems like a given at some point. I think for me it's when you move-in together. Being on the same page about financial obligations seems like a given. The only kinda controversial one is the part about opposite sex best friends. Once in a committed relationship, boundaries will most likely need to be established to prevent an emotional/physical affair from happening. Does that mean not being friends at all? Probably not, but creating some distance in that relationship makes sense.
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Uhhh "let him"? No no no, you see, you observe a guy you date and if he doest do those things, doesn't have them, or agrees with your views THEN he can be your boyfriend. This is just too controlling. You don't try to change someone to have your views, you find someone with them already and/or are seeking to learn.
The only one I agree with is splitting bills. We do this by having a joint account and paying bills from there. The rest... It can be summed up by "I trust him, and he trusts me." I've never had any reason to doubt him.
I wouldn't like that he went to a strip club and I'd have no bones telling him why I don't like it and that I'm not a fan of them but it's his choice. As long as he doesn't do anything, then eh. But yah the bills are being split (except your cell and credit card, those are definitely individual).
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No female best friends? Hope you enjoy living with many cats along your insecurities. MY BFF is a woman I've known since HS. There has never been physical attraction between us. If something was going to happen it would have 20 or 30 years ago.
"Never ALLOW"??? Make it easy on yourself... Don't date a man who has a girl best friend, or who wants to go to strip clubs and like girls in bikinis. Don't find a man who likes these things and convince yourself he will give them up for you.
Didn't Jonah Hill get called a misogynist, insecure, controlling boyfriend for setting similar boundaries?
Nope, just one more talking-head look-at-me post that I won't read.
sometimes i come home and my husband isn't here and i don't know where he's gone and i just relish the quiet.
That's fine. I'm sure they would prefer someone who can spell the word *sentence*.
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If you want to set "rules" and you're not even in a relationship yet... well that's the reason why.
There's a difference between making rules and setting up boundaries. Telling an adult what they can and cant do is controlling, telling that same adult what you wont tolerate in a relationship and leaving if they choose to do the deal breaking behavior is setting a boundary an following with consequences.
Rule 1: the BFF was probably there long before you entered the picture. So F*ck off, b*tch. Rule 2: My Live is my Live. I don´t need to tell you every little thing I do. Rule 3: That´s one I could kinda accept. If you have a GF, why would you go to such places? Rule 4: Eh, If he WANTS to pay everything, let him. What´s the harm? But as a Guy I would probably glad not having to pay everything. Rule 5: Pffft. And how are you gonna control it? demanding his password?
Imagine a man making a "I would never allow my GF" list. He'd be crucified in the comments. Double standard.
But they do, and she basically is getting crucified in the comments.
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If a bloke used language like “allow” or “let” about his girlfriend most sensible people would say that was controlling behaviour and for the woman to run. This is no different, she sounds like an insecure control freak.
"I obviously think, especially early on, the guy should take on majority of the bills". Why is that obvious. To me it isn't obvious, it is just how things has been done for a large part of history. A relationship should ideally be a partnership between equals, and hence I think both of them should chip in equally. If one is basically paying the bills, it makes for some very uneven dynamics in the relationships that can cause arguments and power struggles down the line. I think she should ask herself if she wants to basically be a really expensive whore, in the sense that she takes his money and provides intemacy in return.
The strip clubs I agree with but I think if he was actually serious about the relationship he wouldn't be in them anyway. Also splitting the bills is a good idea. Other than that she's just controlling
Another abusive and controlling narcissist. Get a cat, you're going to stay lonely unless you find a desperate incel.
Why not just say "I would never date a guy who does any of these 5 things"? As soon as you put in the "I will not allow..." it makes it about you having control over him. The only person you have control over is yourself and your decisions. So change the rhetoric and you will change yourself for the better. He can decide to do these things or not. You can decide to date him or not. Its not about control. Its about doing what is right for you.
I’m kinda like this chick like uses the word like like way too much. 🙄
I'm a guy and I 100% agree with those rules. Any guy who does not isn't ready for an exclusive relationship with boundaries and he should be honest about that upfront.
I wouldn’t need to know exactly where you are at during every second, but I don’t think you cheat with you location on anyways but still it is a good safety thing
You cannot "allow" anyone to do or not to do something unless they are a minor or incapacitated in some way and you are their caregiver.
The location rule would be a trust issue for me; knowing they're location doesn't necessarily correlate to whether or not the person is also "safe." Also, "I obviously think, especially early on, the guy should take on majority of the bills." Why is this "obvious" ? Seems a bit sexist
Could she use the word "like" any more? This just reeks of lack of trust and self confidence.
Ok, as long as the rules go both ways, but for some reason I feel like you're gonna start a fight when I don't want you to go out with your male best friend or ask where you where at while I was at work and accuse me of not trusting you and say that it's "different"?
She better enjoy being single then. If this were the other way around and a bloke suggested this, then he would be getting dragged through the mud with calls for him to be locked up in prison. This is not okay for women or men to dictate how anyone lives their life whether they're in a relationship or not. If you can't trust your partner, then leave. Don't make both of you miserable.
My one girlfriend rule is that she can't make a list of rules for me.
I'd flip it around and frame it 'if my boyfriend has the desire to go to strip clubs or frequently like bikini photos of women on social media, I'd seriously reconsider the relationship'.
What's funny is that all of us are treated as well as we allow ourselves to be treated. This could work great for some partner on either side. Or this could be a nightmare. To each their own but this is a good reason not to join the dating pool without a big flotation device.
I don't approve of any adult having 'strict rules' or commanding what another adult does or does not do. It's not about trust, it's about respect. I don't care what the sexual/gender roles of either the dominant or the submissive in that situation. And "never not allow?" At least she is smart enough not to use the word "Forbid" because that would certainly sound bad and tank her argument.
I find it annoying that she is using a confusing double negative to avoid sounding like the a*****e she actually is. Allow? Forbid? Is she dating 14 years olds? What an a*****e.
Load More Replies... What makes you think one Partner can allow or forbid the other one to do something? Grow up, girl.
Obviously she can decide not to accept certain behaviours from others, but you don't get to 'allow' someone else to do / not do things because that's coercive control. Secondly, when you use 'feel' plus an adverb instead of an emotion or sensation, what you're expressing is a thought. Presenting that as a feeling is a form of mitigation or appeasement.
The only part about this that bothers me is the phrasing. She uses very controlling language. If she re-stated the same things with less controlling language, this would be totally fine and not even worth mentioning. For example, instead of saying "I would never allow my boyfriend to have a girl best friend", it would be better to re-state that as "I would never date a guy who has a girl best friend". This re-phrasing moves the focus from controlling his behavior to being clear about what she will (or won't) do in that circumstance.
I would have accepted "I'd have concerns about..." but if you think they're already f*****g each other why do you think he'd want you?
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Speaking at someone that never set foot in a strip club, never look at instagram of girls in bikinis (except for the bad photoshop) and taught my wife how to check up on me using her iPhone, the attitude here would p**s me off. Unless she intends to date high school kids, she is better off finding someone that is not the type of guy that does those things, rather than laying down rules that personally I'd find offensive.
At least she's upfront. Most controlling partners hide it for months. Best they fly their red flags high and save the rest of us the effort of analysis.
the whole thing is messed up; this is a red flag in of itself. the worst, IMO, out of all 5 points is number 2. sure you can know where they are, but if you require an app to tell you for them, then you have trust issues.
Things I won’t let my boyfriend do: nothing, because I can’t get one. I wonder why?
I tried to like read this but then like you know like and like and you know cause like my boyfriend like you know like absolutely not like because like.....
Stop posting TikTok articles of screenshots of some moron's giant face and utter stupidity.
Agreed! These really bring down the level of this site to junior high school (the mean side of junior high school).
Load More Replies... "allow"? what does she think she is? his mother? And weirdly enough, she makes a bunch of rules and nowhere in there says she would follow them. Will she give constant notifications to him of where he is? Will he prohibit her having a male friend? etc etc
And she would undoubtedly pitch a holy fit it HE made rules for HER.
Load More Replies... “First is super obvious, but I would never allow my boyfriend to have a girl best friend. I don’t believe in them. I think those get messy." Don't believe in them? We're not talking about Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy here. Seriously, though, I think we all know that what she really means is 'attractive' female best friend. Four of the five 'rules' here point to only one conclusion: she has trust issues that need resolving if she's ever going to feel secure in a relationship.
I agree that she probably has trust issues, but I also agree with her on most of what she finds unacceptable. Someone in a committed relationship has basically no business going to a strip club, or "liking" an opposite sex person's sexy pics. Sharing location with a significant other seems like a given at some point. I think for me it's when you move-in together. Being on the same page about financial obligations seems like a given. The only kinda controversial one is the part about opposite sex best friends. Once in a committed relationship, boundaries will most likely need to be established to prevent an emotional/physical affair from happening. Does that mean not being friends at all? Probably not, but creating some distance in that relationship makes sense.
Load More Replies... Uhhh "let him"? No no no, you see, you observe a guy you date and if he doest do those things, doesn't have them, or agrees with your views THEN he can be your boyfriend. This is just too controlling. You don't try to change someone to have your views, you find someone with them already and/or are seeking to learn.
The only one I agree with is splitting bills. We do this by having a joint account and paying bills from there. The rest... It can be summed up by "I trust him, and he trusts me." I've never had any reason to doubt him.
I wouldn't like that he went to a strip club and I'd have no bones telling him why I don't like it and that I'm not a fan of them but it's his choice. As long as he doesn't do anything, then eh. But yah the bills are being split (except your cell and credit card, those are definitely individual).
Load More Replies... No female best friends? Hope you enjoy living with many cats along your insecurities. MY BFF is a woman I've known since HS. There has never been physical attraction between us. If something was going to happen it would have 20 or 30 years ago.
"Never ALLOW"??? Make it easy on yourself... Don't date a man who has a girl best friend, or who wants to go to strip clubs and like girls in bikinis. Don't find a man who likes these things and convince yourself he will give them up for you.
Didn't Jonah Hill get called a misogynist, insecure, controlling boyfriend for setting similar boundaries?
Nope, just one more talking-head look-at-me post that I won't read.
sometimes i come home and my husband isn't here and i don't know where he's gone and i just relish the quiet.
That's fine. I'm sure they would prefer someone who can spell the word *sentence*.
Load More Replies... If you want to set "rules" and you're not even in a relationship yet... well that's the reason why.
There's a difference between making rules and setting up boundaries. Telling an adult what they can and cant do is controlling, telling that same adult what you wont tolerate in a relationship and leaving if they choose to do the deal breaking behavior is setting a boundary an following with consequences.
Rule 1: the BFF was probably there long before you entered the picture. So F*ck off, b*tch. Rule 2: My Live is my Live. I don´t need to tell you every little thing I do. Rule 3: That´s one I could kinda accept. If you have a GF, why would you go to such places? Rule 4: Eh, If he WANTS to pay everything, let him. What´s the harm? But as a Guy I would probably glad not having to pay everything. Rule 5: Pffft. And how are you gonna control it? demanding his password?
Imagine a man making a "I would never allow my GF" list. He'd be crucified in the comments. Double standard.
But they do, and she basically is getting crucified in the comments.
Load More Replies... If a bloke used language like “allow” or “let” about his girlfriend most sensible people would say that was controlling behaviour and for the woman to run. This is no different, she sounds like an insecure control freak.
"I obviously think, especially early on, the guy should take on majority of the bills". Why is that obvious. To me it isn't obvious, it is just how things has been done for a large part of history. A relationship should ideally be a partnership between equals, and hence I think both of them should chip in equally. If one is basically paying the bills, it makes for some very uneven dynamics in the relationships that can cause arguments and power struggles down the line. I think she should ask herself if she wants to basically be a really expensive whore, in the sense that she takes his money and provides intemacy in return.
The strip clubs I agree with but I think if he was actually serious about the relationship he wouldn't be in them anyway. Also splitting the bills is a good idea. Other than that she's just controlling
Another abusive and controlling narcissist. Get a cat, you're going to stay lonely unless you find a desperate incel.
Why not just say "I would never date a guy who does any of these 5 things"? As soon as you put in the "I will not allow..." it makes it about you having control over him. The only person you have control over is yourself and your decisions. So change the rhetoric and you will change yourself for the better. He can decide to do these things or not. You can decide to date him or not. Its not about control. Its about doing what is right for you.
I’m kinda like this chick like uses the word like like way too much. 🙄
I'm a guy and I 100% agree with those rules. Any guy who does not isn't ready for an exclusive relationship with boundaries and he should be honest about that upfront.
I wouldn’t need to know exactly where you are at during every second, but I don’t think you cheat with you location on anyways but still it is a good safety thing
You cannot "allow" anyone to do or not to do something unless they are a minor or incapacitated in some way and you are their caregiver.
The location rule would be a trust issue for me; knowing they're location doesn't necessarily correlate to whether or not the person is also "safe." Also, "I obviously think, especially early on, the guy should take on majority of the bills." Why is this "obvious" ? Seems a bit sexist
Could she use the word "like" any more? This just reeks of lack of trust and self confidence.
Ok, as long as the rules go both ways, but for some reason I feel like you're gonna start a fight when I don't want you to go out with your male best friend or ask where you where at while I was at work and accuse me of not trusting you and say that it's "different"?
She better enjoy being single then. If this were the other way around and a bloke suggested this, then he would be getting dragged through the mud with calls for him to be locked up in prison. This is not okay for women or men to dictate how anyone lives their life whether they're in a relationship or not. If you can't trust your partner, then leave. Don't make both of you miserable.
My one girlfriend rule is that she can't make a list of rules for me.
I'd flip it around and frame it 'if my boyfriend has the desire to go to strip clubs or frequently like bikini photos of women on social media, I'd seriously reconsider the relationship'.
What's funny is that all of us are treated as well as we allow ourselves to be treated. This could work great for some partner on either side. Or this could be a nightmare. To each their own but this is a good reason not to join the dating pool without a big flotation device.
I don't approve of any adult having 'strict rules' or commanding what another adult does or does not do. It's not about trust, it's about respect. I don't care what the sexual/gender roles of either the dominant or the submissive in that situation. And "never not allow?" At least she is smart enough not to use the word "Forbid" because that would certainly sound bad and tank her argument.
I find it annoying that she is using a confusing double negative to avoid sounding like the a*****e she actually is. Allow? Forbid? Is she dating 14 years olds? What an a*****e.
Load More Replies... What makes you think one Partner can allow or forbid the other one to do something? Grow up, girl.
Obviously she can decide not to accept certain behaviours from others, but you don't get to 'allow' someone else to do / not do things because that's coercive control. Secondly, when you use 'feel' plus an adverb instead of an emotion or sensation, what you're expressing is a thought. Presenting that as a feeling is a form of mitigation or appeasement.
The only part about this that bothers me is the phrasing. She uses very controlling language. If she re-stated the same things with less controlling language, this would be totally fine and not even worth mentioning. For example, instead of saying "I would never allow my boyfriend to have a girl best friend", it would be better to re-state that as "I would never date a guy who has a girl best friend". This re-phrasing moves the focus from controlling his behavior to being clear about what she will (or won't) do in that circumstance.
I would have accepted "I'd have concerns about..." but if you think they're already f*****g each other why do you think he'd want you?
Load More Replies... Speaking at someone that never set foot in a strip club, never look at instagram of girls in bikinis (except for the bad photoshop) and taught my wife how to check up on me using her iPhone, the attitude here would p**s me off. Unless she intends to date high school kids, she is better off finding someone that is not the type of guy that does those things, rather than laying down rules that personally I'd find offensive.
At least she's upfront. Most controlling partners hide it for months. Best they fly their red flags high and save the rest of us the effort of analysis.
the whole thing is messed up; this is a red flag in of itself. the worst, IMO, out of all 5 points is number 2. sure you can know where they are, but if you require an app to tell you for them, then you have trust issues.
Things I won’t let my boyfriend do: nothing, because I can’t get one. I wonder why?
I tried to like read this but then like you know like and like and you know cause like my boyfriend like you know like absolutely not like because like.....
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