Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
16
Woman Thinks She Has A Perfect Marriage Of 20 Years Until Husband’s Dirty Secret Comes Out
Infidelity ruins marriages and families solely because of the cheating aspect. But some cases become even worse when they result in an affair baby. According to some sources, only 2-3% of affairs result in children, yet these stories are the most likely to become heartbreaking and scandalous.
When this woman found out her husband cheated on her nine years ago and had a son with his colleague, she was beyond heartbroken. But when he asked her to raise the 9-year-old as her own, she lost it. Still, feeling guilty and pitying the boy, the woman asked netizens to weigh in on whether she was being too harsh.
RELATED:
A family’s idyllic life was ruined by news of a husband’s affair 9 years ago
Image credits: Glenn Guiao / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The affair with a colleague resulted in a baby boy, and the husband expected his wife to take care of him now like he was her own
Image credits: Anna Tarazevich / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Jonathan Borba / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Fa Barboza / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Embarrassed_Ask8092
Image credits: Gabriel Ponton / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Very few couples are able to reconcile and raise an affair child together
Some spouses are capable of forgiving an affair. In fact, according to a 2019 survey, 30% of couples touched by infidelity say they tried to patch things up. However, only 15.6% actually survive infidelity.
But when you have to live with the physical proof of your spouse’s infidelity every day, reconciliation can become even harder. Some experts even call this a permanent reminder of betrayal of love and trust.
Whatever the wife chooses in this scenario, it’s very unlikely that there won’t be any pain, hurt, and setbacks. Relationship experts say that it’s possible for the couple to raise an affair child as their own, but that it will most likely be a hard and arduous process.
Clinical psychologist and the Director of Psychology at UCLA Medical Center Dr. Michael Wetter, PsyD, emphasizes communication as the most important element. A vital part of reconciliation is also the cheating party taking all responsibility for their actions and commit to build the relationship up from the ground again and stay in the relationship.
“The spouse who has been cheated on has the right to express how they feel [in] difficult moments,” Wetter explains. “They should be able to say that this is tough for me, and over time, those difficult moments fade.”
From experience, Wetter says that couples staying together in such a situation is not the norm, but rather the exception. A more common result he sees is the couple getting divorced, but still raising that affair child together as a blended family.
“It might be where couples divorce and figure out how to navigate coparenting but in a new light as opposed to trying to stay in marriage where [there] are a lot of hurt feelings,” he went on.
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
There are three main reasons why individuals choose to cheat
Another dilemma that the woman in this story could not figure out was why the husband cheated. According to her, everything seemed so perfect, so what drove him to betray her and their family like that?
Kelly Armatage, Therapist & TEDx Speaker, previously explained to Bored Panda the reasons why some individuals cheat.
- They’ve been raised to believe that cheating is okay. Some children who grew up in families where there was infidelity might form the belief that being unfaithful is not a cardinal sin. According to Armatage, studies have shown that people who have at least one parents who cheated on the other are twice as likely to be cheaters themselves than individuals who grew up in families with faithful parents.
- It’s their way of dealing with low self-esteem. Feeling desired may give some people a sense of control. “Often for these people, cheating can be a coping mechanism and an attempted means to feel validated, desired and needed,” Armatage told Bored Panda back then.
- They lack intimacy in the marriage. After many years in a marriage, attraction and sexual desire can fade. Emotional connection lessens too, as routine and responsibilities kick in, forcing the couple to spend less and less time alone. “Unsurprisingly, dissatisfaction in the bedroom or a waning desire to be sexually intimate with your partner may be a risk factor for cheating,” Armatage notes.
The husband already took a DNA test and confirmed the child was definitely his
People sympathized with the woman, saying that this kind of betrayal is unforgivable
But one person thought she’s taking away his dream of having a biological child
Poll Question
Total votes ·
Thanks! Check out the results:
Total votes ·
Newsletter
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Tyranamar Seuss 3 months ago
Who here believes this man only slept with the AP one time? And that he had no idea of this kid's existence until 1 month ago. If he lied about the affair in the first place, there's no reason he wouldn't lie about how long in went on, or if he knew she was pregnant.
Zoe Vokes 3 months ago
I never believe people who claim they “only cheated once,” and it was the time they got caught or the time they got pregnant. Plus it didn’t take much for him to cheat - OP was gone for a week and he had stress at work.
Load More Replies...
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 3 months ago
Another s*****g man who can't handle being alone for a few days, justifying cheating because 'omg it was soooo hard tho' 🙄🖕
Auntriarch 3 months ago
Honestly, you'd think mãsturbation hadn't been invented.
Load More Replies...
The Starsong Princess 3 months ago
Op needs to slow down. She should separate for now and do some digging because I doubt she’s heard the whole truth. Realistically, she may not be in a position to divorce with four young children in an Asian country. But her main concern needs to be her own children and their reactions to the bio kid so slow everything down.
he_aint_heavy 3 months ago
Yeah, the least believable thing is that the husband only slept with the AP one time and they only ever talked to each other about work ever again. Second least believable thing is that the husband just learned about the kid a month ago.
DeeDee M 3 months ago
First off, no child should ever have to pay for their parents s****y choices. They need to separate while he sorts out his situation with the child. I don't believe for a second their marriage was "perfect" or that he only cheated/slept with that woman once. No way, especially because a pregnancy resulted. Its not that easy to get pregnant, statistically speaking-the odds are not in favor of a one-time thing. If I was OP, I'd kick him out and tell him to sort out his s**t with the kid and then I would file for divorce. A horrible tragedy would be OP keeping her horrible husband, allowing him to move the kid in, and then everyone hates and resents the child because dad is an a*****e. That cannot happen! I hope everyone keeps the innocent child in mind and does the right thing here.
Lissy 3 months ago
sounds just like my ex. He did not father more children though, but he tried to make our joint children connect with the affair partner´s offspring. Oh boy, was he wrong. There is no whay the affair partner got pregnant immediately according to what he told. I am so sorry for OP, she does not deserve his cheating self
Laura Gillette 3 months ago
In one of the replies to a comment she said the husband told her this is "a chance to finally have a child that is actually ours". So he doesn't feel his adopted kids are actually his? What a complete loser a$$hole. And "ours"? Not hers. His. She said before he makes good money. She should divorce him and take him for all she can, get custody of all HER kids (since he doesn't believe they're "really" his) and then he can raise HIS child by himself.
adobe blue 3 months ago
I think the husband wanted a biological kid and gambled on getting one with this other woman. It worked. He may have tried with other women. Now the baby mama is in jail, so he can take custody of the kid. The wife needs to get the full story, probably with a therapist present, and keep digging until she has all the infidelities, etc. Then she can decide what to do moving forward.
Squirrelly Panda 3 months ago
In this kind of situation, OP initially needs to ignore the affair child's existence and focus on whether or not she is willing/able to try to save the marriage or if it is done. If she decides she wants to try to save it, then she needs to consider the kid and if she could love him like her own. No shame if she can't. If she decides to try. Then decide how it would look, counseling, transition to new normal, etc. And acknowledge that even if she can live the kid, the kid might not adapt to the situation and everything will fall apart anyways.
veirdbuttrue 2 months ago
Or she could just leave her lying, cheating husband and go and have a life where she isn't reminded of his betrayal every single day.
Load More Replies...
Sarah Jan Kelly 3 months ago
There are genuinely no great solutions for OP. Since they share 4 kids, she will never really be rid entirely of dealing with her husband and AP’s mess until all the kids are grown. Even if they divorce, kids will be around the AP kid during dad’s custody time. I’m VERY concerned he would treat his bio kid differently than the adopted ones, maybe especially if he only got weekend custody of the kids he shares with his wife. Is AP really going to be in jail for the next 10-15 years or will she come crashing back into their life in a few years? I guess my first step would be to demand to talk to the AP to get some better sense of husband is still lying—was it really just one time? Did he really have no idea the child existed?! Then… immediate intense couples therapy, not necessarily to “save the marriage” but to at least get them in a place to coparent through shared custody. I don’t actually think she’s crazy to consider staying because all options suck!
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 months ago
I'm an adopted child with a sibling who is my adoptive parents' bio child. Guess which one is my mother's golden child who never did any wrong and guess which one is the scapegoat who got abuséd in every way you can abusé a child? XD When I was a kid and my mom would be béating on me, I'd sometimes ask her why she even adopted me if all she was going to do was hate me and not want me around. Luckily my dad was a great dad and treated both of his daughters like what we were - both his daughters. He did not favor his biological child over me at all. But my mom did, and it was VERY obvious (and painful) even when I was a child. With as excited as OP's husband seems to be about his biological son, there's no way it isn't going to become immediately obvious to their other four children that they're now basically second-class citizens in their dad's eyes.
veirdbuttrue 2 months ago
Wow the nerve of that husband. Just can't seem to understand how devastated his poor wife is. Her whole world has changed, she's just found out her husband has lied to her and cheated on her, and he thinks she should just raise his kid??? Delulu. His levels of entitlement are scary.
Jayne Turner 3 months ago
Get tested for std. Buy doc Martin boots, liberally your boot to the cheaters a**e. Kick him out and take him for every penny. He's repeatedly lied and cheated and will do it again if you are daft enough to stick with him.
Max Fox 3 months ago
It's fake. Everything is set up too "perfectly". One episode of cheating that somehow resulted in a child. A woman who didn't contact the father of the kid for 9 years. The Woman suddenly is in prison for a long time. The grandparents who Just Happen to be Too Old to raise said children. Not to mention that the OP is supposedly from "an Asian Country", but the names that she gives them for the story do not seem the sort of names that a 44 year old Asian woman would choose. Then there is the fact that the family adopted four kids, in a region in which wealthy families generally have two children, not to mention that domestic adoption is rare in most Asian countries. India has around 4,500 domestic adoptions each year, which you can compare to the 135,000 in the USA, While Japan has fewer than 700. Taiwan and South Korea each have fewer than 100. So adopting four kids is almost unheard of, yet the OP mentions is as though it is an everyday occurrence.
Emilu 3 months ago
Nowadays, sure; you're right re. ease of adopting from Asia. However, Asian adoption was a lot easier to access 20+ years ago. Still not *easy* (and the cost was prohibitive for some, certainly), but far from "unheard of". Two of OP's kids fall into this age category and one is pretty close. You also state that the kids' names aren't "Asian", essentially. Assuming they aren't pseudonyms (which I think could be a leap in itself) some parents don't want it harder for their child to mingle with others. Again nowadays it's not so rare to have kids with non-Anglo names, but in my day (*prepares walking stick*, lol) it would 'other' you. So my Korean-born name is one of my middle names. And you're also judging OP's legitimacy based on the amount of children she and her husband adopted?? Sorry, but you lost me there.
Load More Replies...
Natalia Viana 3 months ago
This is such a fake story. Written by an American to pretend English is not their first language with laughable calculated mistakes - clearly written by someone who never had to learn a second language…
Crystalwitch60 3 months ago
If I was her , I’d also be going to the doctors or an sti clinic , !! it’s rare that once results in a baby ffs but it means they didn’t use protection , n it most def was not just the once either ,
Linda Homes 3 months ago
I am grateful to Dr. Lawrence for the positive change he made in my marriage. When my husband decided to end our relationship, I was heartbroken. However, Dr. Lawrence’s guidance and support played a key role in helping us work through our problems. Now, my husband and I have a stronger, more satisfying relationship than ever. I highly recommend reaching out to Dr. Lawrence if you're having difficulties in your marriage. His email is dr.lawrencesolution@gmail.com. Remember, there's always hope for your relationship!
Kit Black 3 months ago
Wow, you really don't know much about adoption, do you?
Load More Replies... Tyranamar Seuss 3 months ago
Who here believes this man only slept with the AP one time? And that he had no idea of this kid's existence until 1 month ago. If he lied about the affair in the first place, there's no reason he wouldn't lie about how long in went on, or if he knew she was pregnant.
Zoe Vokes 3 months ago
I never believe people who claim they “only cheated once,” and it was the time they got caught or the time they got pregnant. Plus it didn’t take much for him to cheat - OP was gone for a week and he had stress at work.
Load More Replies... The_Nicest_Misanthrope 3 months ago
Another s*****g man who can't handle being alone for a few days, justifying cheating because 'omg it was soooo hard tho' 🙄🖕
Auntriarch 3 months ago
Honestly, you'd think mãsturbation hadn't been invented.
Load More Replies... The Starsong Princess 3 months ago
Op needs to slow down. She should separate for now and do some digging because I doubt she’s heard the whole truth. Realistically, she may not be in a position to divorce with four young children in an Asian country. But her main concern needs to be her own children and their reactions to the bio kid so slow everything down.
he_aint_heavy 3 months ago
Yeah, the least believable thing is that the husband only slept with the AP one time and they only ever talked to each other about work ever again. Second least believable thing is that the husband just learned about the kid a month ago.
DeeDee M 3 months ago
First off, no child should ever have to pay for their parents s****y choices. They need to separate while he sorts out his situation with the child. I don't believe for a second their marriage was "perfect" or that he only cheated/slept with that woman once. No way, especially because a pregnancy resulted. Its not that easy to get pregnant, statistically speaking-the odds are not in favor of a one-time thing. If I was OP, I'd kick him out and tell him to sort out his s**t with the kid and then I would file for divorce. A horrible tragedy would be OP keeping her horrible husband, allowing him to move the kid in, and then everyone hates and resents the child because dad is an a*****e. That cannot happen! I hope everyone keeps the innocent child in mind and does the right thing here.
Lissy 3 months ago
sounds just like my ex. He did not father more children though, but he tried to make our joint children connect with the affair partner´s offspring. Oh boy, was he wrong. There is no whay the affair partner got pregnant immediately according to what he told. I am so sorry for OP, she does not deserve his cheating self
Laura Gillette 3 months ago
In one of the replies to a comment she said the husband told her this is "a chance to finally have a child that is actually ours". So he doesn't feel his adopted kids are actually his? What a complete loser a$$hole. And "ours"? Not hers. His. She said before he makes good money. She should divorce him and take him for all she can, get custody of all HER kids (since he doesn't believe they're "really" his) and then he can raise HIS child by himself.
adobe blue 3 months ago
I think the husband wanted a biological kid and gambled on getting one with this other woman. It worked. He may have tried with other women. Now the baby mama is in jail, so he can take custody of the kid. The wife needs to get the full story, probably with a therapist present, and keep digging until she has all the infidelities, etc. Then she can decide what to do moving forward.
Squirrelly Panda 3 months ago
In this kind of situation, OP initially needs to ignore the affair child's existence and focus on whether or not she is willing/able to try to save the marriage or if it is done. If she decides she wants to try to save it, then she needs to consider the kid and if she could love him like her own. No shame if she can't. If she decides to try. Then decide how it would look, counseling, transition to new normal, etc. And acknowledge that even if she can live the kid, the kid might not adapt to the situation and everything will fall apart anyways.
veirdbuttrue 2 months ago
Or she could just leave her lying, cheating husband and go and have a life where she isn't reminded of his betrayal every single day.
Load More Replies... Sarah Jan Kelly 3 months ago
There are genuinely no great solutions for OP. Since they share 4 kids, she will never really be rid entirely of dealing with her husband and AP’s mess until all the kids are grown. Even if they divorce, kids will be around the AP kid during dad’s custody time. I’m VERY concerned he would treat his bio kid differently than the adopted ones, maybe especially if he only got weekend custody of the kids he shares with his wife. Is AP really going to be in jail for the next 10-15 years or will she come crashing back into their life in a few years? I guess my first step would be to demand to talk to the AP to get some better sense of husband is still lying—was it really just one time? Did he really have no idea the child existed?! Then… immediate intense couples therapy, not necessarily to “save the marriage” but to at least get them in a place to coparent through shared custody. I don’t actually think she’s crazy to consider staying because all options suck!
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 months ago
I'm an adopted child with a sibling who is my adoptive parents' bio child. Guess which one is my mother's golden child who never did any wrong and guess which one is the scapegoat who got abuséd in every way you can abusé a child? XD When I was a kid and my mom would be béating on me, I'd sometimes ask her why she even adopted me if all she was going to do was hate me and not want me around. Luckily my dad was a great dad and treated both of his daughters like what we were - both his daughters. He did not favor his biological child over me at all. But my mom did, and it was VERY obvious (and painful) even when I was a child. With as excited as OP's husband seems to be about his biological son, there's no way it isn't going to become immediately obvious to their other four children that they're now basically second-class citizens in their dad's eyes.
veirdbuttrue 2 months ago
Wow the nerve of that husband. Just can't seem to understand how devastated his poor wife is. Her whole world has changed, she's just found out her husband has lied to her and cheated on her, and he thinks she should just raise his kid??? Delulu. His levels of entitlement are scary.
Jayne Turner 3 months ago
Get tested for std. Buy doc Martin boots, liberally your boot to the cheaters a**e. Kick him out and take him for every penny. He's repeatedly lied and cheated and will do it again if you are daft enough to stick with him.
Max Fox 3 months ago
It's fake. Everything is set up too "perfectly". One episode of cheating that somehow resulted in a child. A woman who didn't contact the father of the kid for 9 years. The Woman suddenly is in prison for a long time. The grandparents who Just Happen to be Too Old to raise said children. Not to mention that the OP is supposedly from "an Asian Country", but the names that she gives them for the story do not seem the sort of names that a 44 year old Asian woman would choose. Then there is the fact that the family adopted four kids, in a region in which wealthy families generally have two children, not to mention that domestic adoption is rare in most Asian countries. India has around 4,500 domestic adoptions each year, which you can compare to the 135,000 in the USA, While Japan has fewer than 700. Taiwan and South Korea each have fewer than 100. So adopting four kids is almost unheard of, yet the OP mentions is as though it is an everyday occurrence.
Emilu 3 months ago
Nowadays, sure; you're right re. ease of adopting from Asia. However, Asian adoption was a lot easier to access 20+ years ago. Still not *easy* (and the cost was prohibitive for some, certainly), but far from "unheard of". Two of OP's kids fall into this age category and one is pretty close. You also state that the kids' names aren't "Asian", essentially. Assuming they aren't pseudonyms (which I think could be a leap in itself) some parents don't want it harder for their child to mingle with others. Again nowadays it's not so rare to have kids with non-Anglo names, but in my day (*prepares walking stick*, lol) it would 'other' you. So my Korean-born name is one of my middle names. And you're also judging OP's legitimacy based on the amount of children she and her husband adopted?? Sorry, but you lost me there.
Load More Replies... Natalia Viana 3 months ago
This is such a fake story. Written by an American to pretend English is not their first language with laughable calculated mistakes - clearly written by someone who never had to learn a second language…
Crystalwitch60 3 months ago
If I was her , I’d also be going to the doctors or an sti clinic , !! it’s rare that once results in a baby ffs but it means they didn’t use protection , n it most def was not just the once either ,
Linda Homes 3 months ago
I am grateful to Dr. Lawrence for the positive change he made in my marriage. When my husband decided to end our relationship, I was heartbroken. However, Dr. Lawrence’s guidance and support played a key role in helping us work through our problems. Now, my husband and I have a stronger, more satisfying relationship than ever. I highly recommend reaching out to Dr. Lawrence if you're having difficulties in your marriage. His email is dr.lawrencesolution@gmail.com. Remember, there's always hope for your relationship!
Kit Black 3 months ago
Wow, you really don't know much about adoption, do you?
Load More Replies... You May Like "Just Walking Away From 16 Years, 4 Kids And Our Life Together": Woman's World Crumbles Over 1 Letter Man Goes Online To Vent About A Cheating Wife, Gets A Harsh Reality Check Woman Is Berated For "Disgusting Reaction" Because She Doesn't Support The Woman Husband Cheated With
Gabija Palšytė
Mindaugas Balčiauskas
Ilona Baliūnaitė
Related on Bored Panda
44
47