“Don’t Come Home”: Intense Drama Breaks Out Online, Leading To Couple’s Divorce
Interview
Every now and again, there’s a crazy story that unfolds online. This time, it’s a husband and wife of 10 years going back and forth on Reddit. The trigger for this family drama is the wife’s father who was financially struggling. The woman wanted to move him into the basement of the family home, but the husband refused, claiming the space was his.
The husband, before deactivating his account, recounted this story right before New Year’s Eve on the r/RelationshipAdvice subreddit. In a surprise twist of events, the wife came to the comments to give her two cents and revealed some not-so-nice things about the husband. This was a day after she made a separate post on the r/TrueOffMyChest community. The update included the aftermath of their argument and some more behind the scenes of their marriage.
The wife u/Angra-Momyu agreed to have a short chat with Bored Panda. The Redditor was kind enough to tell us more about how the girls are doing and if she had any advice for people in similar situations. Read our chat with her below!
Buckle up, pandas, for this is one wild family drama we’re about to embark on
Image credits: nd3000 (not the actual image)
The story started with the husband asking for advice about his FIL moving in
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual image)
Image credits: [deleted]
Image credits: EkaterinaPereslavtseva (not the actual image)
The wife saw her husband’s post and decided to roast him in the comments
Image credits: Grand-Muffin409
Here are some reactions and advice from commenters
A day later, the wife posted an update on another subreddit and said the divorce is happening
Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual image)
Image credits: Angra-Momyu
The OP told Bored Panda how the family is holding up and offered some advice
We were lucky to get in touch with the wife in this story, aka Angra-Momyu. We were curious to know what inspired the woman to post in the r/TrueOffMyChest community. The woman says that her main driving force was rage. “Sheer rage,” she clarifies.
“I was already angry with him about his insistence to send my dad to my aunt’s place, but then to be sent this Reddit post where he misrepresented what the argument was about, I just lost it,” the woman tells Bored Panda.
Although the situation seems pretty dire, the OP has some positive updates. “Everyone is holding up pretty well,” she says when we ask how the girls and the dad are doing. “My dad is sad for me that the marriage has broken down this badly and feels responsible. I assured him it isn’t his fault.”
And what about the girls? “The girls are doing great! I told the girls Daddy and I were not going to be married anymore and that Daddy won’t be living with us anymore. It doesn’t seem to bother them that much,” the Redditor says. “Truth is not much will really change in their lives. He was barely around anyway and never had much of an active role in their lives,” the mom adds.
Angra-Momyu also has some sage advice. “Don’t stay in a loveless marriage. Don’t stay for the kids. One thing I’m seeing with my kids is that they aren’t bothered by the divorce. In the end, it’s going to be better for them to have a peaceful household,” the netizen believes.
It’s important to differentiate between narcissism as part of someone’s personality and narcissism as a personality disorder
People in the comments under the wife’s update started speculating whether the husband could be a narcissist. She even commented: “God knows when he gets together with his surgeon friends, it’s a gathering of the most self-important narcissists I’ve ever seen.”
That’s a pretty wild generalization to label a whole profession. However, if they know what counts as narcissistic behavior, people might abstain from throwing such serious accusations around.
Keep in mind that just as with any other condition, only mental health professionals can diagnose NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). With that said, let’s see what mental health experts online have to say about it.
Loren Soeiro, Ph.D., a New York-based psychologist notes that people should not mistake narcissism with self-centeredness, which is common. That’s not to say that narcissism isn’t rare. “Everyone has narcissistic needs,” Soeiro writes in a blog post for Psychology Today. “Which is another way of saying that every person needs to be appreciated for their good qualities by the important people in their lives.”
Clinical narcissism, on the other hand, is far more nuanced. “Most narcissists lack empathy, and their behavior is dominated by efforts to meet their own deep need for validation,” Soeiro goes on. “They may hurt people with their words or their actions, but without knowing they’ve done so, as they don’t possess the empathy necessary to really feel others’ pain.”
The three most common types of narcissists
Clinical psychologist and author of A Deeper Wellness: Conquering Stress, Mood, Anxiety and Traumas Monica Vermani, PsyD, described three common types of narcissism: covert, overt, and malignant. Covert narcissism is the most common, Vermani told Oprah Daily.
These people tend to internalize criticism and take it more harshly than the person intended. Annie Wright LMFT describes covert narcissists as people who “often portray themselves as introverted, shy, or even selfless individuals when in reality, their motivations are deeply rooted in an ardent desire for admiration, attention, and control within their relationships.”
Overt narcissism stands at the other end of the spectrum from covert narcissism. Psychoanalyst Laurie Hollman, PhD, writes that overt narcissism includes traits of self-importance and lack of empathy. “Overt narcissists often exaggerate their achievements, expect special treatment, and take advantage of others for personal gain,” Hollman writes. “Others may perceive them as successful, but anxiety and low self-esteem lie beneath their false facades.”
Malignant narcissism is the most severe, mental health experts say. Elizabeth Scott, PhD, writes for Very Well Mind that malignant narcissists can be manipulative and don’t care about hurting others as long as it serves them.
“People with this subtype contain the general traits of NPD, including regular egocentricity. They also have antisocial traits and even a sadistic streak, as well as a poor sense of self and lack of empathy,” the expert writes.
Carder Stout, PhD, a Los Angeles-based psychologist also noted that narcissism as a personality disorder is rare. “We all have narcissistic tendencies – self-centeredness, vanity, belief that we are in the right – but to possess the qualities of a diagnosable narcissist is rare.”
Commenters offered support and advice for the wife
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I thought he was being a jerk from reading just his initial post. Reading the rest just reinforced it.
Wife didn't fail. Husband did with blinders on. A 7 bedroom house thou and wanting his basement was a bit strange. He could have taken two rooms for a bedroom and a living room. A shed out back? I'm thinking that hubs didn't want fil so close incase his gf (if he did/does have one) happened to call or text him and got caught. Yes doctors work a lot and work parties for donations to hospitals are common w surgeons. But not finding comfort in home and his wife and own children is very odd. So good. Divorce away. He checked out a seeming while ago. And your dad has a heart of gold for all he's been through to stand by your side. Treat him well. And mend with your parents too.
The saddest part is he was willing to separate his children from a Grandfather who's been a very regular staple in their lives.
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I thought he was being a jerk from reading just his initial post. Reading the rest just reinforced it.
Wife didn't fail. Husband did with blinders on. A 7 bedroom house thou and wanting his basement was a bit strange. He could have taken two rooms for a bedroom and a living room. A shed out back? I'm thinking that hubs didn't want fil so close incase his gf (if he did/does have one) happened to call or text him and got caught. Yes doctors work a lot and work parties for donations to hospitals are common w surgeons. But not finding comfort in home and his wife and own children is very odd. So good. Divorce away. He checked out a seeming while ago. And your dad has a heart of gold for all he's been through to stand by your side. Treat him well. And mend with your parents too.
The saddest part is he was willing to separate his children from a Grandfather who's been a very regular staple in their lives.
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