‘My Sister Won’t Invite My Husband To Her Wedding Because He’s In A Wheelchair’
Weddings are meant to be celebrations of love while in the midst of the people you most care about, the ones who support you the most on this planet. However, family drama can pop up even in the run-up to what’s supposed to be someone’s happiest day in their life. Sometimes… it’s the bride who’s at fault.
Redditor u/FungalBroth went on the AITA community for a verdict on whether or not she was in the wrong to consider not going to her sister’s wedding. You see, the redditor’s sister didn’t send her disabled husband an invitation. According to the bride-to-be, she didn’t want the wheelchair-bound man to be in the family photos. Supposedly, he would “stand out” and “take attention away from her.”
You can read the full story, in the post author’s own words, below. When you’re done, let us know in the comments what you think about this entire bizarre situation and what you would have done in this particular case.
Bored Panda reached out to Anna and Sarah from The Wedding Society for a few comments about family disputes before weddings and how to move past them, as well as why discrimination of any sort is not okay, under any circumstances, even if it’s linked to a bride’s request. Read on for what they had to say.
A woman was furious that her disabled husband didn’t get invited to her sister’s wedding for a frankly ridiculous reason
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
Here’s the story in full, dear Pandas. Odds are that this will make you very mad
It’ll probably surprise none of you Pandas that the AITA community was overwhelmingly supportive of the woman and her husband, not the sister. As some redditors put it, this was definitely an issue that was worth fighting for. It wasn’t something to simply let go of.
The bride-to-be said that her sister’s husband could come to the wedding on the condition that he wasn’t in any of the photos. Probably the most heart-rending part was the fact that the family has known and liked him for years and that the husband was even prepared to make the sacrifice, so long as they could go to the celebration together.
Anna, from The Wedding Society, told Bored Panda that when it comes to family disputes, everyone has to do their part to reconcile. “Family disputes really require the work of everyone involved to remember the bigger picture and work towards a higher goal, and also to remember their love for each other above everything else.”
According to The Wedding Society, marrying couples can have expectations that “others might consider strange,” and that’s all fine and dandy, as long as they don’t cross any obvious boundaries. “It’s their day and they’re allowed to be a little more particular than those around them. Just try to understand how long some people have been envisioning their day and remember that some particulars really mean more to them than might seem normal to you,” Anna said. However, it’s vital to stress the fact that under no circumstances should discrimination be allowed.
“That said, the line needs to be drawn at discrimination,” Anna told Bored Panda. “It is never okay, no matter the occasion or circumstance, to discriminate against anyone of any race, age, color, gender, or ability. If that occurs, a kind, honest and firm discussion needs to take place in order to stand up for the person or people being discriminated against.”
Here’s what some people thought about the entire situation. The author of the post replied to quite a few comments
While it makes sense to invite your closest family members and their spouses (unless there’s some major drama or toxicity going on there, of course), you can’t invite every single one of your friends, acquaintances, and colleagues. Unless you’ve got an unlimited budget. Though most do not. What this means is being selective about who makes the cut and gets a formal invitation to your wedding and those who, unfortunately, won’t be participating.
“Please remember that you don’t have to ever explain yourself to anyone. It’s your day and your choice,” Anna and Sarah from The Wedding Society previously told Bored Panda that the happy couple shouldn’t feel guilty about restricting guest lists when it comes to acquaintances.
“There are a hundred reasons why you might have to restrict numbers and none of them are anyone else’s business,” they said that the couple shouldn’t have to feel like they have to explain themselves over every tiny decision. “Simply saying, ‘As much as we’d love to have all our loved ones be with us on the day, our numbers are restricted so we hope to celebrate with those who can’t be there at another time’ is enough.
Anna and Sarah added that one thing that ought to change for sure is the culture of expecting cash and other gifts during weddings which has turned them into business transactions of a sort. “We really need to change the focus and intention around wedding celebrations in our culture. Your wedding is about you and the person you are marrying, nothing else. Don’t base your guest list on what you’ll get from them—it’s just tacky and wrong,” they shared.
“Invite your loved ones because you want them to be surrounding you both and change the narrative in your head about what you are owed from them. You’re the one throwing a party and asking them to be there. Their presence should be enough. Anything they gift you on top of that is exactly that—a gift.”
They continued: “That said, if you are the guest and cash is your gift of choice, consider what the marrying couple have invested to have you there—if you are accepting the invitation, do so on the condition of gifting them at least what it cost them to include you.”
What is it about weddings that awakens the narcissist in women (and statistically it's nearly always the bride)? Is this just a western society thing? Am I missing part of my self that lets me identify with these witches? Most of my favourite pictures from my own wedding day don't feature me at all! And those that do have my husband right there beside me as my partner.
The wedding industry has spent a fortune into brainwashing people into thinking that weddings are a big deal and get people to spend massive amounts of money on a stupid single celebration instead of saving their money for a home, kids college funds, a business, a vacation or anything else that's more useful in life. Hollywood is also carrying a big portion of the blame.
I tend to fault corporations more than Hollywood. Sure, they carry some of the responsibility, but I just watched "Saving Private Ryan" again recently and it didn't make me want to shoot at Germans or buy my own tank (that would be very cool though). When I see supermarket cashiers in movies that happen to live in a penthouse in Manhattan with a $20 Million view, I think I am smart enough to recognize I am watching fiction.
Especially in a country where it is really important to save for these things because of the lack of social security and benefits.
I had a small wedding, only 30 guests. It cost €1000 in total, which included not only the wedding, but also a celebration dinner on the night before and people's accommodations over the night prior to the wedding. 11 years later and that is not possible, because only the dress can cost at least half of that. This bridezilla thing is catching up real quick. Well, there was this bride when I was picking up my dress (the first one I tried on by the way), who was hysterically paying attention to every single little f* detail, and the store lady told me that this woman has been doing this for 2 years, going around all the stores all the time, looking for the perfect dress, perfect napkins and what-not. The woman was good looking and thin, but she was never happy with anything, nothing could make her feel pretty nor special, trying on dresses for 2 years!
Please don't insult Witches, we're nothing like these horrible Bridezillas!!
One would think if someone is trying on a wedding gown that the wedding was imminent. But doing this for two years? She probably doesn't even have a fiance.
I think you meant the "B" word instead of Witch.
I think you meant absolute f*****g awful bitch
Yeah, that was a family friendly autocorrect.
It's mostly an US thing in my opinion. You only ever hear about US brides acting like this. The whole affair is so vastly different in other countries
We have them in UK too, sadly.
Really? Do you have these lavish weddings too?
It only seems to be the ones that have totally bought into the whole social media 'I need to show everything perfect' society we're letting them get away with. It's vacuous as f**k, but so many seem to join in and see it as a competition they need to be in and winning at. It creates idiots like the OPs sister.
Well, a lot of the wedding industry, not just in the states, has actively pushed the bride into a situation that is significantly altered from her normal. The reaction is to act out.
Some women act as if their wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime performance and act like perfectionist directors. I had more of an outline, precision for a few details (dress, suit, hair, food), room for improvising (the ring bearer not sure what to do was cute). I'm a bit of a ham, so I enjoyed the performance aspect (such as reading out one of Shakespeare's sonnets).
Well, weddings are supposed to be a once-in-a-lifetime performance. Of course "until death do us part" is not the reality for so many anymore (often for the better though).
I don't think it should be a "performance" though, that kind of gives it the notion that it's all just an act.
Potato, I'm a method actor. And happily typecast for the past 30 years. ;) Personally, I don't care if someone wants to sing at their wedding or two golf fanatics want to get married on the green or two goths wear black at the altar. The problem is when people getting married act toxic.
I remember a cruel line from a movie where the girl dressed down three nerds. She said; "No gimps, blimps, or simps." I never forgot those cutting words.
That's not being bridezila... It's being a shitty human being! A love my sister so much and her husband and if I was in this kind of situation I would organize my wedding in a way that I would be sure that my sister's husband could easily attend
Exactly! This is beyond being a bridezilla! This is total lack of whatever makes us human. And I have seen a wedding where everything was (lovingly) modified and adjusted for the needs of one of their cousins who was in a wheelchair.
When I first saw the title, I assumed it was going to be about a bride who chose an inaccessible location despite having a brother-in-law in a wheelchair, and that already got me steamed. Sounds like there's not an issue with the venue. She just doesn't want a person in a wheelchair in her freaking pictures!
Our older sister is overweight, the younger one didn't want her in the Wedding because she wanted a 'show' Wedding and fat cows weren't her vision. Karma did a bit on her as it pour rain that Morning for a backyard ceremony. Kinda muddy. Side note, she married 8/01/81 at 12:30-1:00 before a judge to say 'I do' and on 8/01/88 stood before another judge and said 'I don't' @ 1:00. Poetic justice.
Why do brides need so much f*****g attention?? You're getting married, entering a union and partnership, not winning a Miss Universe pageant! I feel like if society didn't call single women "crazy cat ladies" and put a stigma on them, they wouldn't act this "pick me" and treat marriage like a damn competition.
mostly because the wedding industry says "let's make it about you" and then they make more $.
What is it about weddings that awakens the narcissist in women (and statistically it's nearly always the bride)? Is this just a western society thing? Am I missing part of my self that lets me identify with these witches? Most of my favourite pictures from my own wedding day don't feature me at all! And those that do have my husband right there beside me as my partner.
The wedding industry has spent a fortune into brainwashing people into thinking that weddings are a big deal and get people to spend massive amounts of money on a stupid single celebration instead of saving their money for a home, kids college funds, a business, a vacation or anything else that's more useful in life. Hollywood is also carrying a big portion of the blame.
I tend to fault corporations more than Hollywood. Sure, they carry some of the responsibility, but I just watched "Saving Private Ryan" again recently and it didn't make me want to shoot at Germans or buy my own tank (that would be very cool though). When I see supermarket cashiers in movies that happen to live in a penthouse in Manhattan with a $20 Million view, I think I am smart enough to recognize I am watching fiction.
Especially in a country where it is really important to save for these things because of the lack of social security and benefits.
I had a small wedding, only 30 guests. It cost €1000 in total, which included not only the wedding, but also a celebration dinner on the night before and people's accommodations over the night prior to the wedding. 11 years later and that is not possible, because only the dress can cost at least half of that. This bridezilla thing is catching up real quick. Well, there was this bride when I was picking up my dress (the first one I tried on by the way), who was hysterically paying attention to every single little f* detail, and the store lady told me that this woman has been doing this for 2 years, going around all the stores all the time, looking for the perfect dress, perfect napkins and what-not. The woman was good looking and thin, but she was never happy with anything, nothing could make her feel pretty nor special, trying on dresses for 2 years!
Please don't insult Witches, we're nothing like these horrible Bridezillas!!
One would think if someone is trying on a wedding gown that the wedding was imminent. But doing this for two years? She probably doesn't even have a fiance.
I think you meant the "B" word instead of Witch.
I think you meant absolute f*****g awful bitch
Yeah, that was a family friendly autocorrect.
It's mostly an US thing in my opinion. You only ever hear about US brides acting like this. The whole affair is so vastly different in other countries
We have them in UK too, sadly.
Really? Do you have these lavish weddings too?
It only seems to be the ones that have totally bought into the whole social media 'I need to show everything perfect' society we're letting them get away with. It's vacuous as f**k, but so many seem to join in and see it as a competition they need to be in and winning at. It creates idiots like the OPs sister.
Well, a lot of the wedding industry, not just in the states, has actively pushed the bride into a situation that is significantly altered from her normal. The reaction is to act out.
Some women act as if their wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime performance and act like perfectionist directors. I had more of an outline, precision for a few details (dress, suit, hair, food), room for improvising (the ring bearer not sure what to do was cute). I'm a bit of a ham, so I enjoyed the performance aspect (such as reading out one of Shakespeare's sonnets).
Well, weddings are supposed to be a once-in-a-lifetime performance. Of course "until death do us part" is not the reality for so many anymore (often for the better though).
I don't think it should be a "performance" though, that kind of gives it the notion that it's all just an act.
Potato, I'm a method actor. And happily typecast for the past 30 years. ;) Personally, I don't care if someone wants to sing at their wedding or two golf fanatics want to get married on the green or two goths wear black at the altar. The problem is when people getting married act toxic.
I remember a cruel line from a movie where the girl dressed down three nerds. She said; "No gimps, blimps, or simps." I never forgot those cutting words.
That's not being bridezila... It's being a shitty human being! A love my sister so much and her husband and if I was in this kind of situation I would organize my wedding in a way that I would be sure that my sister's husband could easily attend
Exactly! This is beyond being a bridezilla! This is total lack of whatever makes us human. And I have seen a wedding where everything was (lovingly) modified and adjusted for the needs of one of their cousins who was in a wheelchair.
When I first saw the title, I assumed it was going to be about a bride who chose an inaccessible location despite having a brother-in-law in a wheelchair, and that already got me steamed. Sounds like there's not an issue with the venue. She just doesn't want a person in a wheelchair in her freaking pictures!
Our older sister is overweight, the younger one didn't want her in the Wedding because she wanted a 'show' Wedding and fat cows weren't her vision. Karma did a bit on her as it pour rain that Morning for a backyard ceremony. Kinda muddy. Side note, she married 8/01/81 at 12:30-1:00 before a judge to say 'I do' and on 8/01/88 stood before another judge and said 'I don't' @ 1:00. Poetic justice.
Why do brides need so much f*****g attention?? You're getting married, entering a union and partnership, not winning a Miss Universe pageant! I feel like if society didn't call single women "crazy cat ladies" and put a stigma on them, they wouldn't act this "pick me" and treat marriage like a damn competition.
mostly because the wedding industry says "let's make it about you" and then they make more $.