Weddings are meant to be a celebration of love and the deep bond that connects two people. Now, that might sound a bit cheesy, but I mean it! They’re beautiful ceremonies that lay the foundations for an even stronger relationship. What weddings aren’t supposed to be… are a way for your parents to control you while they make money.

A redditor shared how their parents were planning to use their wedding as a way to make bank. See, they were planning to force their child to invite all of their distant relations and acquaintances so that everybody brings money as a gift. That, in their parents’ opinion, is their way of getting back all the cash that they gave out at other people’s weddings, graduation parties, and other important events. Naturally, the redditor confronted their parents when they realized that they have zero control over their own wedding. Scroll down and have a read through the whole story below. But be warned, you might just want to gasp and say, “They did not just say that” a few times.

Anna and Sarah from The Wedding Society gave Bored Panda some insights into how couples can diplomatically restrict guest lists and how nobody should be focusing on turning weddings into tacky business transactions. “Please remember that you don’t have to ever explain yourself to anyone. It’s your day and your choice,” they said that the happy couple should feel empowered instead of feeling that they have no control.

A bride-to-be confronted her parents who wanted to take control of the guest list and were hoping for lots and lots of cash gifts

Image credits: peteandcharlotte (not the actual photo)

“There are a hundred reasons why you might have to restrict numbers and none of them are anyone else’s business,” Anna and Sarah from The Wedding Society told Bored Panda.

“Simply saying, ‘As much as we’d love to have all our loved ones be with us on the day, our numbers are restricted so we hope to celebrate with those who can’t be there at another time,'” they shared how to nip the problem of growing guests lists in the bud with finesse.

According to Anna and Sarah, cash gifts are turning wedding days into business transactions. Naturally, this shouldn’t be the case! “We really need to change the focus and intention around wedding celebrations in our culture. Your wedding is about you and the person you are marrying, nothing else. Don’t base your guest list on what you’ll get from them—it’s just tacky and wrong,” they said.

“Invite your loved ones because you want them to be surrounding you both and change the narrative in your head about what you are owed from them. You’re the one throwing a party and asking them to be there. Their presence should be enough. Anything they gift you on top of that is exactly that—a gift,” Anna and Sarah from The Wedding Society explained. However, they added that guests also have a subtle obligation to thank the couple for inviting them.

“That said, if you are the guest and cash is your gift of choice, consider what the marrying couple have invested to have you there—if you are accepting the invitation, do so on the condition of gifting them at least what it cost them to include you.”

Here’s how some people have been reacting to the redditor’s story after it was posted online

The redditor was concerned that they overstepped some sort of invisible line when they told their parents that they don’t have control over the guest list. However, most Redditors visiting the AITA board thought that they were being perfectly reasonable. It’s their wedding after all!

And no matter how much you love your parents and how much they’re taking care of you, they don’t have the right to demand that you dance to their tune. Especially when their end goal is so clearly financial and not a way to improve the celebration of love. There are other ways to recoup your financial losses than by using a wedding as an excuse.

The redditor’s also worried about the fact that their wedding might just end up being a show to put on for others. In short, nobody should feel like all they’re doing is performing and making others happy on what’s supposed to be the happiest day of their lives. Sure, there’s got to be at least some awkward chatting with distant relatives and thanking people for coming, but that’s part of finding the balance between completely ignoring your guests and fulfilling their every whim.

Later on, the redditor added three more updates to the story. They pointed out that they simply want to celebrate their wedding with the people they care most about. What’s more, they shared that they plan to have a heart-to-heart chat with their parents about everything and liked the idea of having a separate dinner for some people so that they don’t feel offended or left out.

Finally, on a lighter note, they bluntly said that they’re not related to the mafia in any way. Though they did end up deleting their temporary Reddit account later on, which begs the question: was it to prevent their family members from seeing the post or because they might actually have ties to the mafia? Small conspiracy theories aside, they’re in a tough position. Having to choose between what your family wants for you and what you want from your own life is an important part of growing up. And you end up disappointing someone a tad no matter what on your path to independence.

How much money you bring somebody as a gift for their wedding depends immensely on the country, the local traditions, as well as the particular trends in your social circle. For instance, WeddingWire suggests bringing at least 200 dollars cash as a gift for close family members and friends.

Meanwhile, for someone who’s not as close, 150 or even 100 dollars is perfectly fine. However, these are just general guidelines, so take them with a grain of salt! And if you’re suspicious that you’re invited just because you’ll be bringing cash, consider skipping the wedding and RSVP’ing with a ‘no.’