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Parents Want To “Collect” Off Of Their Child’s Wedding – She Says No And Family Drama Ensues
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Parents Want To “Collect” Off Of Their Child’s Wedding – She Says No And Family Drama Ensues

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Weddings are meant to be a celebration of love and the deep bond that connects two people. Now, that might sound a bit cheesy, but I mean it! They’re beautiful ceremonies that lay the foundations for an even stronger relationship. What weddings aren’t supposed to be… are a way for your parents to control you while they make money.

A redditor shared how their parents were planning to use their wedding as a way to make bank. See, they were planning to force their child to invite all of their distant relations and acquaintances so that everybody brings money as a gift. That, in their parents’ opinion, is their way of getting back all the cash that they gave out at other people’s weddings, graduation parties, and other important events. Naturally, the redditor confronted their parents when they realized that they have zero control over their own wedding. Scroll down and have a read through the whole story below. But be warned, you might just want to gasp and say, “They did not just say that” a few times.

Anna and Sarah from The Wedding Society gave Bored Panda some insights into how couples can diplomatically restrict guest lists and how nobody should be focusing on turning weddings into tacky business transactions. “Please remember that you don’t have to ever explain yourself to anyone. It’s your day and your choice,” they said that the happy couple should feel empowered instead of feeling that they have no control.

A bride-to-be confronted her parents who wanted to take control of the guest list and were hoping for lots and lots of cash gifts

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Image credits: peteandcharlotte (not the actual photo)

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“There are a hundred reasons why you might have to restrict numbers and none of them are anyone else’s business,” Anna and Sarah from The Wedding Society told Bored Panda.

“Simply saying, ‘As much as we’d love to have all our loved ones be with us on the day, our numbers are restricted so we hope to celebrate with those who can’t be there at another time,'” they shared how to nip the problem of growing guests lists in the bud with finesse.

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According to Anna and Sarah, cash gifts are turning wedding days into business transactions. Naturally, this shouldn’t be the case! “We really need to change the focus and intention around wedding celebrations in our culture. Your wedding is about you and the person you are marrying, nothing else. Don’t base your guest list on what you’ll get from them—it’s just tacky and wrong,” they said.

“Invite your loved ones because you want them to be surrounding you both and change the narrative in your head about what you are owed from them. You’re the one throwing a party and asking them to be there. Their presence should be enough. Anything they gift you on top of that is exactly that—a gift,” Anna and Sarah from The Wedding Society explained. However, they added that guests also have a subtle obligation to thank the couple for inviting them.

“That said, if you are the guest and cash is your gift of choice, consider what the marrying couple have invested to have you there—if you are accepting the invitation, do so on the condition of gifting them at least what it cost them to include you.”

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Here’s how some people have been reacting to the redditor’s story after it was posted online

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The redditor was concerned that they overstepped some sort of invisible line when they told their parents that they don’t have control over the guest list. However, most Redditors visiting the AITA board thought that they were being perfectly reasonable. It’s their wedding after all!

And no matter how much you love your parents and how much they’re taking care of you, they don’t have the right to demand that you dance to their tune. Especially when their end goal is so clearly financial and not a way to improve the celebration of love. There are other ways to recoup your financial losses than by using a wedding as an excuse.

The redditor’s also worried about the fact that their wedding might just end up being a show to put on for others. In short, nobody should feel like all they’re doing is performing and making others happy on what’s supposed to be the happiest day of their lives. Sure, there’s got to be at least some awkward chatting with distant relatives and thanking people for coming, but that’s part of finding the balance between completely ignoring your guests and fulfilling their every whim.

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Later on, the redditor added three more updates to the story. They pointed out that they simply want to celebrate their wedding with the people they care most about. What’s more, they shared that they plan to have a heart-to-heart chat with their parents about everything and liked the idea of having a separate dinner for some people so that they don’t feel offended or left out.

Finally, on a lighter note, they bluntly said that they’re not related to the mafia in any way. Though they did end up deleting their temporary Reddit account later on, which begs the question: was it to prevent their family members from seeing the post or because they might actually have ties to the mafia? Small conspiracy theories aside, they’re in a tough position. Having to choose between what your family wants for you and what you want from your own life is an important part of growing up. And you end up disappointing someone a tad no matter what on your path to independence.

How much money you bring somebody as a gift for their wedding depends immensely on the country, the local traditions, as well as the particular trends in your social circle. For instance, WeddingWire suggests bringing at least 200 dollars cash as a gift for close family members and friends.

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Meanwhile, for someone who’s not as close, 150 or even 100 dollars is perfectly fine. However, these are just general guidelines, so take them with a grain of salt! And if you’re suspicious that you’re invited just because you’ll be bringing cash, consider skipping the wedding and RSVP’ing with a ‘no.’

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Jonas Grinevičius

Jonas Grinevičius

Author, BoredPanda staff

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Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

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Jonas Grinevičius

Jonas Grinevičius

Author, BoredPanda staff

Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

Austėja Akavickaitė

Austėja Akavickaitė

Author, Community member

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Austėja is a Photo Editor at Bored Panda with a BA in Photography.

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Austėja Akavickaitė

Austėja Akavickaitė

Author, Community member

Austėja is a Photo Editor at Bored Panda with a BA in Photography.

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jencook avatar
JennyLaRue
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How sad that the parents view relationships with a monetary value and will put this above the Bride and Grooms feelings. It also seems a bit backwards to spend money on inviting them to a wedding only to collect on a gift - surely they balance each other out?!

leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was kinda thinking the same. If they view everything in life as "I spent X on their kid, they better spend more on mine", then they never really *gave* anything in life.

Load More Replies...
imma_ulfdotter avatar
Imma
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have read her text multiple times now and I don't get it. Are her parents serious with what I think they mean? If I get it right, are the parents asking for money from people THEY have get gifts from? And from like 20 years ago? They want their child to invite people they think are owed them? To their daughters wedding? Is that right? Really? Wow!

mintyminameow avatar
Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah I didn’t get it either. Whatever though, it seems stupid even without understanding the details.

Load More Replies...
viboh avatar
Léandre Merceron
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Girl, I made the mistake to please by parents in law for my wedding... Long story short, my husband's dad made me cry during our first dance because he was drunk and joking with a cousin I've never seen in my life before. Made me cry during the party because he found a bottle on the floor and that I should take charge of that (fun part is that my dad was the one who left it and we laugh a lot now talking about that). And at the end of the night, he made me cry for whatever reason my brain decided to forget, ended up in him being kicked out by my husband and his brother after a glorious but short fist fight that everyone remembers. You have one chance girl. One day to call yours and to make the best memories. You're not here to please the people. I wish I had the guts two years and made things different. But in every bad thing there is beauty. Early morning, it's 4am, few people are still dancing but we are about to call the night off. My husband's best man came to get us and took us being the building, near the small entrance of the bedrooms for the brides team. There is a small private wooden terrace there. Best friends were here, brother in law, his wife and just very few people. They had all those candles light for us and told us "they ruined your first dance, but they will not ruin your last". They had music playing and we just started dancing and crying for the whole song, just realsing how lucky we were to have found each other and to be surrounded by the people that really matter.

Load More Comments
jencook avatar
JennyLaRue
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How sad that the parents view relationships with a monetary value and will put this above the Bride and Grooms feelings. It also seems a bit backwards to spend money on inviting them to a wedding only to collect on a gift - surely they balance each other out?!

leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was kinda thinking the same. If they view everything in life as "I spent X on their kid, they better spend more on mine", then they never really *gave* anything in life.

Load More Replies...
imma_ulfdotter avatar
Imma
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have read her text multiple times now and I don't get it. Are her parents serious with what I think they mean? If I get it right, are the parents asking for money from people THEY have get gifts from? And from like 20 years ago? They want their child to invite people they think are owed them? To their daughters wedding? Is that right? Really? Wow!

mintyminameow avatar
Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah I didn’t get it either. Whatever though, it seems stupid even without understanding the details.

Load More Replies...
viboh avatar
Léandre Merceron
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Girl, I made the mistake to please by parents in law for my wedding... Long story short, my husband's dad made me cry during our first dance because he was drunk and joking with a cousin I've never seen in my life before. Made me cry during the party because he found a bottle on the floor and that I should take charge of that (fun part is that my dad was the one who left it and we laugh a lot now talking about that). And at the end of the night, he made me cry for whatever reason my brain decided to forget, ended up in him being kicked out by my husband and his brother after a glorious but short fist fight that everyone remembers. You have one chance girl. One day to call yours and to make the best memories. You're not here to please the people. I wish I had the guts two years and made things different. But in every bad thing there is beauty. Early morning, it's 4am, few people are still dancing but we are about to call the night off. My husband's best man came to get us and took us being the building, near the small entrance of the bedrooms for the brides team. There is a small private wooden terrace there. Best friends were here, brother in law, his wife and just very few people. They had all those candles light for us and told us "they ruined your first dance, but they will not ruin your last". They had music playing and we just started dancing and crying for the whole song, just realsing how lucky we were to have found each other and to be surrounded by the people that really matter.

Load More Comments
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