Funeral Causes Family Drama After Sister Follows Her Atheist Brother’s Last Wish
While each person is free to choose what religion, if any, to follow, some are strongly influenced by the customs rooted in their countries or their families, which can become a cause for conflict.
In this redditor’s family, differences in views towards religion resulted in her atheist brother being excluded from the family, and her kin calling her a disgrace for respecting his wishes after his death.
Disagreements over religion-related matters can tear a family apart
Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
This woman was condemned by her religious family for respecting her atheist brother’s wishes
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThrowRa_grvy
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Christianity is reportedly the most popular religion worldwide
According to World Population Review, as much as 85% of the population identify themselves with a religion. Statistics reveal that the most popular one, practiced by nearly 2.4 billion people worldwide, is Christianity, followed by Islam (1.91 billion followers), Hinduism (with 1.16 billion) and Buddhism (507 million) respectively. Data also suggests that close to 1.2 billion people consider themselves nonreligious or have Atheist beliefs.
The OP’s brother was seemingly an atheist in a world surrounded mostly by Christians, as Catholicism, which the OP pointed out to be the most prevalent religion in her country, is one of the main branches of Christianity. According to World Population Review, numerous nations, such as Armenia, Greece, Peru, and Venezuela, just to name a few, boast a population where more than 93% people consider themselves Christian.
As for atheists, countries where they seem to comprise the largest part of the population include Estonia, the Czech Republic, Japan, and China, where more than three-quarters of the population do not follow any religion.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Religious beliefs tend to differ depending on people’s age
The OP shared that her 91-year-old grandmother was distraught over the lack of traditional Catholic ceremony and feared that her late grandson would go to hell, as he was not blessed by a servant of her religious faith. While people’s views on the existence of hell or heaven differ with each religion, or lack thereof, a 2023 study of religious beliefs across the world found that in 26 surveyed countries, roughly half of respondents believed in the former existing (and just slightly fewer believed in the latter).
According to said study, younger people in most of the surveyed countries are less likely to identify themselves as Christian, especially Catholic, seconding the OP’s point that the youth nowadays tends to stray from religion. In the majority of surveyed Catholic countries, the percentage of Gen Z identifying as Catholic is lower than the percentage of Boomers who identify as such.
In the OP’s case, the generation gap and the strong influence stemming from following religious practices resulted in conflict among family members, as well as uneasiness the redditor felt over the entire situation. Addressing the online community, she said she needed to hear whether or not she was in the wrong for following her brother’s wishes, and fellow redditors made sure she knew she was not.
Fellow netizens supported the young woman, they didn’t think she was a jerk to her family
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If hell is real you gotta feel bad for Satan. Stuck down there with all these devout Christians thinking "now these are some evil mother f*ckers"
There is a joke about someone getting into hell and Satan shoeing them around. „The is the beach, there is the bar etc etc“ and the person thinks „oh this is nice“ but then they see a pit with people being tortured snd screaming in it and they ask the devil about it. Devil sais: „oh, those are the catholics. They want it that way“
Load More Replies...
I knew a man named Larry, who was a recovering alcoholic with over 30 years of hard-won sobriety. He was not religious, but was an incredibly selfless, kind, and patient man who ended up helping dozens of other suffering and struggling alcoholics. He died in February, and his religious wife decided to have his service at her church. At the service, a few recovering alcoholics spoke about Larry and how he helped them to change their lives, helped them find hope and healing. After this, the pastor then preached for an hour and a half and concluded with saying that it wasn't Larry who really helped anyone, that he didn't help anyone heal, but that it was Jesus. He basically s**t on this man's life's work in order to sell Jesus to the people in attendance. I guess my point is yeah, sure, I guess the funeral is for the living, but a person's last wish should be honored. And I really wish religious people would give it a damn rest, already.
Now that is immensely disrespectful... to Larry AND his friends. If I'd been one of them, I'd have stood up and confronted the pastor. "How DARE you take Larry's accomplishments away from him!? He was an open atheist. And he didn't need your religion to do good and save lives. He did it all on his own. You should be ashamed of yourself."
Load More Replies... I would agree with the idea that the funeral is for the living, for the partner and son, and for the sister who kept in touch. Family that thought he was a disgrace should not be prioritised. It's so important for his son and partner to celebrate who he was, and that is an atheist. He was shunned by family due to those beliefs and that takes courage to stand by it. His son should be able to celebrate and remember that courage, I'm sure it was a huge part of who his dad was. People who ignored and insulted the deceased in life, should be upset and heartbroken that they ostracised him, they forfeited the right to decide his services. Good for OP for doing right by her brother's family in a difficult time.
Your grandmother is in her 90s. She was already in failing health. Don't let them gaslight you.
I have it in my papers that I want to be buried at sea. Not out of belief or anything - I just want to be difficult one last time.
I would come back and haunt anyone who gave me a religious funeral, as I'm also an atheist. For those who say that there are no atheists in foxholes, I can assure you that when my life has been at risk II was told I only had 16 months to live at the outside) I never once believed in a heaven or a god. Honour the person's wishes as they wish, honour them for the person they were, not what you want to twist them into being.
My great grandfather fought in WWI. There were definitely atheists in foxholes… Just because religious people need a crutch that doesn’t mean everyone does.
Load More Replies... We had a similar situation when my son was born and some of my in laws had a fit that we weren’t baptizing him. Somehow it’s an attack on their faith that we don’t follow their religion. Despite my stated opinion that my son’s religion will be his choice when he’s old enough to make it he’s regularly given religious themed gifts like bibles or Christian based books. They are promptly thrown away. I’m not anti religion but i am against indoctrination of kids.
I think in the same situation that I would have done as the sister did. If I want people to respect my beliefs, I need to respect theirs. Having said that, the family is perfectly capable of having a memorial service.
They went NC but wanted to attend the funeral? And make it about them? Ffs…
NTA. Grandma CHOSE to be offended. Religion and the people holding it up have an entitlement that is pretty hard to grasp, if you look at it from the outside. Maybe why, the deeper the belief, the more the cult leaders try to make you avoid people outside of the cult, maybe? Boiling in their own juices, they never will regard anything outside as anything at all.
The grandmother's health is NOT the woman's fault! How ridiculous and manipulative. Religious people are crazy.
I have told my husband (and parents, much to their displeasure) that I do not want to be embalmed. I want a plain green burial. Put me in the earth and let it take me as quickly as possible. I'm more useful as fertilizer than taking up more space in a cemetery plot.
If your family isn't there for you while you are alive, they can't expect much from you after you are dead.
My late nothing in law only wanted a small family gathering for her service and nothing churchish. Her daughter who is the oldest of three other brothers decided she wanted the church and mass and more. It was a poop fest. A mass. It cost so much to disregard her wishes for just a family gathering. When Pop passed (her husband/my fil) she did same. But knowing he was a vet of wwii I had the flag ceremony and taps set up for him. It was the one time I cried. It was windy and sleeting but as I sat there crying I felt a warm air wrap around me. I knew I did right for him an he liked the small gesture. I'm not religious. I'm actually Wiccan so knowing he was happy made me content. Also Christian's are the biggest satanists because with no god there isn't a devil. Everyone just needs to do right by each other. And if people need something to believe in that's up to them. No clap. Be happy. Be kind.
my will is clear. If anyone does any religious crapola over my dead body then all my effects and money goes to charity rather than family.
who cares about your family at this point. NTA. blind religious people should always be ignored.
I am clearly, indisputably, absolutely, unquestionably NOT the a*****e. Am I the a*****e?
One of the reasons I am no longer counting myself as a catholic, is their believe that an innocent little child will not go to heaven if it was not babtized. Add to that the bishop who told me that gay people are abominations (after I asked him specifically) and there you have it.
NTA, you arranged funeral according to your brother's wishes. If you family wants religious ceremony so badly, they could arrange requiem later. The only disgrace here is that family completely ignore what your brother wanted and tried to turn his funeral into religious party for themselves.
I feel a lot of the error here is on the priests part, that never educate well their flock for fear of losing them. A funeral is not necessary to enter in Paradise, nor the blessing or be laid in a consecrated land: just the Love is sufficient. Yes, I had many grandmothers angry with me when I taught that the Ark is just a legend (something the Catholic Church teaches normally), but "the Truth shall make you free".
If hell is real you gotta feel bad for Satan. Stuck down there with all these devout Christians thinking "now these are some evil mother f*ckers"
There is a joke about someone getting into hell and Satan shoeing them around. „The is the beach, there is the bar etc etc“ and the person thinks „oh this is nice“ but then they see a pit with people being tortured snd screaming in it and they ask the devil about it. Devil sais: „oh, those are the catholics. They want it that way“
Load More Replies... I knew a man named Larry, who was a recovering alcoholic with over 30 years of hard-won sobriety. He was not religious, but was an incredibly selfless, kind, and patient man who ended up helping dozens of other suffering and struggling alcoholics. He died in February, and his religious wife decided to have his service at her church. At the service, a few recovering alcoholics spoke about Larry and how he helped them to change their lives, helped them find hope and healing. After this, the pastor then preached for an hour and a half and concluded with saying that it wasn't Larry who really helped anyone, that he didn't help anyone heal, but that it was Jesus. He basically s**t on this man's life's work in order to sell Jesus to the people in attendance. I guess my point is yeah, sure, I guess the funeral is for the living, but a person's last wish should be honored. And I really wish religious people would give it a damn rest, already.
Now that is immensely disrespectful... to Larry AND his friends. If I'd been one of them, I'd have stood up and confronted the pastor. "How DARE you take Larry's accomplishments away from him!? He was an open atheist. And he didn't need your religion to do good and save lives. He did it all on his own. You should be ashamed of yourself."
Load More Replies... I would agree with the idea that the funeral is for the living, for the partner and son, and for the sister who kept in touch. Family that thought he was a disgrace should not be prioritised. It's so important for his son and partner to celebrate who he was, and that is an atheist. He was shunned by family due to those beliefs and that takes courage to stand by it. His son should be able to celebrate and remember that courage, I'm sure it was a huge part of who his dad was. People who ignored and insulted the deceased in life, should be upset and heartbroken that they ostracised him, they forfeited the right to decide his services. Good for OP for doing right by her brother's family in a difficult time.
Your grandmother is in her 90s. She was already in failing health. Don't let them gaslight you.
I have it in my papers that I want to be buried at sea. Not out of belief or anything - I just want to be difficult one last time.
I would come back and haunt anyone who gave me a religious funeral, as I'm also an atheist. For those who say that there are no atheists in foxholes, I can assure you that when my life has been at risk II was told I only had 16 months to live at the outside) I never once believed in a heaven or a god. Honour the person's wishes as they wish, honour them for the person they were, not what you want to twist them into being.
My great grandfather fought in WWI. There were definitely atheists in foxholes… Just because religious people need a crutch that doesn’t mean everyone does.
Load More Replies... We had a similar situation when my son was born and some of my in laws had a fit that we weren’t baptizing him. Somehow it’s an attack on their faith that we don’t follow their religion. Despite my stated opinion that my son’s religion will be his choice when he’s old enough to make it he’s regularly given religious themed gifts like bibles or Christian based books. They are promptly thrown away. I’m not anti religion but i am against indoctrination of kids.
I think in the same situation that I would have done as the sister did. If I want people to respect my beliefs, I need to respect theirs. Having said that, the family is perfectly capable of having a memorial service.
They went NC but wanted to attend the funeral? And make it about them? Ffs…
NTA. Grandma CHOSE to be offended. Religion and the people holding it up have an entitlement that is pretty hard to grasp, if you look at it from the outside. Maybe why, the deeper the belief, the more the cult leaders try to make you avoid people outside of the cult, maybe? Boiling in their own juices, they never will regard anything outside as anything at all.
The grandmother's health is NOT the woman's fault! How ridiculous and manipulative. Religious people are crazy.
I have told my husband (and parents, much to their displeasure) that I do not want to be embalmed. I want a plain green burial. Put me in the earth and let it take me as quickly as possible. I'm more useful as fertilizer than taking up more space in a cemetery plot.
If your family isn't there for you while you are alive, they can't expect much from you after you are dead.
My late nothing in law only wanted a small family gathering for her service and nothing churchish. Her daughter who is the oldest of three other brothers decided she wanted the church and mass and more. It was a poop fest. A mass. It cost so much to disregard her wishes for just a family gathering. When Pop passed (her husband/my fil) she did same. But knowing he was a vet of wwii I had the flag ceremony and taps set up for him. It was the one time I cried. It was windy and sleeting but as I sat there crying I felt a warm air wrap around me. I knew I did right for him an he liked the small gesture. I'm not religious. I'm actually Wiccan so knowing he was happy made me content. Also Christian's are the biggest satanists because with no god there isn't a devil. Everyone just needs to do right by each other. And if people need something to believe in that's up to them. No clap. Be happy. Be kind.
my will is clear. If anyone does any religious crapola over my dead body then all my effects and money goes to charity rather than family.
who cares about your family at this point. NTA. blind religious people should always be ignored.
I am clearly, indisputably, absolutely, unquestionably NOT the a*****e. Am I the a*****e?
One of the reasons I am no longer counting myself as a catholic, is their believe that an innocent little child will not go to heaven if it was not babtized. Add to that the bishop who told me that gay people are abominations (after I asked him specifically) and there you have it.
NTA, you arranged funeral according to your brother's wishes. If you family wants religious ceremony so badly, they could arrange requiem later. The only disgrace here is that family completely ignore what your brother wanted and tried to turn his funeral into religious party for themselves.
I feel a lot of the error here is on the priests part, that never educate well their flock for fear of losing them. A funeral is not necessary to enter in Paradise, nor the blessing or be laid in a consecrated land: just the Love is sufficient. Yes, I had many grandmothers angry with me when I taught that the Ark is just a legend (something the Catholic Church teaches normally), but "the Truth shall make you free".
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