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“Control Freak Much?”: Woman Causes A Scene At MIL’s Wedding After Husband Goes Against Her Wishes
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“Control Freak Much?”: Woman Causes A Scene At MIL’s Wedding After Husband Goes Against Her Wishes

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It’s not always easy to get along with the in-laws. Some try their best to put these differences aside so they don’t evolve into a bigger conflict interfering with their life and marriage. However, not all are successful, despite their efforts.

One example is redditor Grace-Full4235, whose relationship with her mother-in-law reached a point where they weren’t even speaking. It got so bad that the wife demanded her husband to turn down any invitations to family functions where she wasn’t invited, including his mother’s wedding. However, he didn’t abide by her wishes, pushing her to cause ‘a scene.’ 

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Having difficulties getting along with the in-laws can put a strain on marriage

Image credits: nd3000 / Envato (not the actual photo)

For this couple, a poor relationship with the mother-in-law resulted in a big fight and ruined MIL’s wedding

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Image credits: Rawpixel / Envato (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Grace-Full4235

In-laws are often notoriously difficult to manage due to their tendency to have rather strange boundaries

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Image credits: Mental Health America (MHA) / Envato (not the actual photo)

Relationship psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula explains that in-laws are often notoriously difficult to manage due to their tendency to have rather strange boundaries. “When an in-law enters a new family situation, he or she inherits those boundaries and the problems associated with those boundaries, [which] can manifest in lots of ways.”

For example, the mother-in-law could be making herself at home in her son’s kitchen, the father-in-law could be handing out unsolicited money advice, or they both might disagree with the way the couple raises kids. Such a lack of boundaries is typically enriched after a lifetime together as a family, which often means it’s impossible to change this configuration – hence the struggle. 

Different views on how to manage things like holidays, visiting times, housekeeping, and even work balance can also contribute to a poor relationship. When expectations like these aren’t met, at either end, they become a breeding ground for negative emotions. 

“Unmet expectations strain all relationships, but the stakes are high in in-law relationships because they are stakeholders in your marriage, and your children if you decide to have them, as well as your household and even issues like finances,” says Dr. Durvasula.

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Maintaining a respectful relationship between both parties can save the marriage and a lot of trouble in the future

Image credits: Drew Rae / Pexels (not the actual photo)

In an attempt to bridge the gap between different views, Dr. Durvasula advises making sure that both partners are on the same page about topics that are especially controversial to the in-laws. “A united front makes a huge difference,” says Dr. Durvasula.

Otherwise, it’s not going to be easy to figure things out on the spot while disagreeing with them. “If you and your spouse are on the same page, then you can take the path of least resistance with in-laws and just smile politely and say ‘sure,’ but then do things the way that you and your spouse believe is appropriate for your relationship.”

While one might not form a loving bond with their in-laws, maintaining a respectful relationship and keeping the tension at a minimum between both parties can save the marriage and trouble in the future. It can be undeniably difficult to spend time with them if you don’t particularly enjoy their company. Therefore, Dr. Durvasula advises preparing yourself mentally. 

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This means that if your father-in-law always brings up politics or your mother-in-law makes backhanded compliments, don’t expect anything new the next time you see them. “If you are mentally prepared for their nonsense, it may still hurt, but it won’t be startling,” she says. “It’s like putting on a heavy coat on a very cold day, it’s still chilly, but at least you are prepared and can endure it for a little while.”

She also recommends avoiding sensitive topics and sticking to neutral ones. When any triggering subject comes up, try diversion. A great default point to discuss could be anything about your partner, from their achievements to the latest life updates. This can be an easy way to connect and change the tone of any interaction. 

Kindness and empathy can be useful tools in maintaining respectful relationships with in-laws, too. Dr. Durvasula suggests complimenting them right off the gate, which can easily buy a few hours of tension-free time. It may feel disingenuous, but finding something nice to say about someone should not be hard. “Even if the in-laws are gunning for a fight, you can snip those wires,” she adds. Meanwhile, staying curious and trying to understand where their behavior is coming from can diminish the impact they have on your life.

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The author was unanimously titled as wrong

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In fact, readers thought that both the wife and the husband were jerks

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Austeja Zokaite

Austeja Zokaite

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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Hi, glad you swung by! My name is Austėja, and I’m a writer at Bored Panda. With a degree in English philology, I’m interested in all aspects of language. Being fresh out of university, my mission is to master the art of writing and add my unique touch to every personal story and uplifting article we publish. In my time here, I’ve covered some fun topics such as scrungy cats and pareidolia, as well as more serious ones about mental health and relationship hiccups. When I’m not on my laptop, you’ll probably find me devouring pastries, especially croissants, paired with a soothing cup of tea. Sunsets, the sea, and swimming are some of my favorite things.

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Austeja Zokaite

Austeja Zokaite

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Hi, glad you swung by! My name is Austėja, and I’m a writer at Bored Panda. With a degree in English philology, I’m interested in all aspects of language. Being fresh out of university, my mission is to master the art of writing and add my unique touch to every personal story and uplifting article we publish. In my time here, I’ve covered some fun topics such as scrungy cats and pareidolia, as well as more serious ones about mental health and relationship hiccups. When I’m not on my laptop, you’ll probably find me devouring pastries, especially croissants, paired with a soothing cup of tea. Sunsets, the sea, and swimming are some of my favorite things.

Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

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I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. I kickstart my day with a mug of coffee bigger than my head, ready to tackle Photoshop. I navigate through the digital jungle with finesse, fueled by bamboo breaks and caffeine kicks. When the workday winds down, you might catch me devouring bamboo snacks while binging on the latest TV show, gaming or I could be out in nature, soaking up the tranquility and communing with my inner panda.

Read less »

Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Mindaugas Balčiauskas

Author, BoredPanda staff

I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. I kickstart my day with a mug of coffee bigger than my head, ready to tackle Photoshop. I navigate through the digital jungle with finesse, fueled by bamboo breaks and caffeine kicks. When the workday winds down, you might catch me devouring bamboo snacks while binging on the latest TV show, gaming or I could be out in nature, soaking up the tranquility and communing with my inner panda.

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Libstak
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly, in regards to the money she had no right to say anything. I do think hubbie was okay with it because he may have been a greater financial liability than his brother previously in some way. Most parents try to be fair and even the score card when the opportunity allows,,hence him being cool with it....just my opinion. As to OP, hubbies needs to dump her, she is a money grubbing b***h who calculates others people's assets for her benefit and is a raging control freak.

Seanette Blaylock
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gee, I wonder WHY her MIL doesn't want her to come to family events and throw shrieking public tantrums because her husband wants more people in his life than just Queen B***h Wifey? I'm with those who think her husband should flee before she escalates to actual violence, screwing up his employment, etc.

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Fair enough not attending events, but demanding your husband ignore his family? Controlling and vindictive even if they were unreasonable, it's his call. Hopefully not real. Hopefully divorced if it is.

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Libstak
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly, in regards to the money she had no right to say anything. I do think hubbie was okay with it because he may have been a greater financial liability than his brother previously in some way. Most parents try to be fair and even the score card when the opportunity allows,,hence him being cool with it....just my opinion. As to OP, hubbies needs to dump her, she is a money grubbing b***h who calculates others people's assets for her benefit and is a raging control freak.

Seanette Blaylock
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gee, I wonder WHY her MIL doesn't want her to come to family events and throw shrieking public tantrums because her husband wants more people in his life than just Queen B***h Wifey? I'm with those who think her husband should flee before she escalates to actual violence, screwing up his employment, etc.

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Fair enough not attending events, but demanding your husband ignore his family? Controlling and vindictive even if they were unreasonable, it's his call. Hopefully not real. Hopefully divorced if it is.

Load More Comments
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