Woman Livid Her Husband Won’t Let Her Be A Stay-At-Home Wife Even Though She Has Zero Reason To
Don’t you sometimes feel like not doing anything at all? Like, absolutely nothing at all. Everything that life often throws at you leads to this particular blend of burnout that you can’t escape. Why? Because life continues and so all of your commitments don’t magically go away.
Like today’s story, where a wife becomes a stay-at-home mom for 2 years and slowly, but surely, loses all reason to be one, though she wants that status to stay with her. The husband, however, disagrees.
More Info: Reddit
Every relationship has a bump in the road now and then. Some are mild, but others are like when you have a wife who just can’t anymore
Image credits: Leah Kelley (not the actual photo)
A husband recently turned to the internet for some perspective on not letting his wife be a stay-at-home mom now that there are no motherly duties to do per se
Image credits: Puzzleheaded-Kale987
Image credits: William Fortunato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Puzzleheaded-Kale987
As it turned out, the wife just wanted to be a “stay-at-home” without the “mom” part, not even pitching in with the chores now that their kid is in daycare
Image credits: Israel Torres (not the actual photo)
The story goes that Redditor u/Puzzleheaded-Kale987, a family man and dad to his lovely 2-year-old, recently had a bit of a row with his wife over her wanting to continue to be a stay-at-home-mom.
You see, for two years, the wife’s full-time (even more, I’d wager) job was to be a mother. However, now that a significant period of time has passed, the husband felt that it was time to start thinking of what’s next. What ended up being next was daycare for the little one.
Luckily, the guy’s job covered daycare, it was right next to his workplace, the kid loved it—it would’ve been a crime not to take the deal at this point. Besides, kids benefit from all the socializing they can get. However, the wife thought she’d be able to continue being a stay-at-home mom despite the kid being away from the house all day.
That didn’t look like a solid plan for the hubby, so he, seemingly sensitively, broached the topic with the Mrs., but she was having none of it. She first tried to avoid the talk, but it soon turned into one, and even escalated into a conflict.
The woman argued that a good husband provides the option for their wife to stay at home and asked why she has to work when all of the hubby’s coworkers let their wives stay at home.
In turn, the husband, coming from a family background of everyone gets to play, explained that she can be a stay-at-home mom if she would at least do her part of the chores or otherwise contribute, but that wasn’t happening. As for the coworker argument, he explained that it’s not as clear-cut as it seems because they all have cheating relationships and so certain boundaries aren’t pushed.
It is important to note that he did not suggest that he’d be allowed to go about cheating in exchange for the wife being allowed to be a stay-at-home mom. “It was just […] not the life she thinks it is,” concluded OP.
Image credits: Amina Filkins (not the actual photo)
A lot of folks were asking for more information on the topic before they made a judgment, which in the end was an NTA from the majority.
Most of these were answered in further edits to the post, like the fact that the Mrs. was fully on board with the daycare, that she was a software engineer, and that she would always respond with “I’m fine” when asked about her mental health, as some folks were worried about those aspects.
Most others were pointing out the obvious, and that is that the wife just doesn’t want to do anything any more. Alas, that is not how life works, and there is a lot to be had from a second source of income, so it’s ludicrous not to do it. Though, there is nuance, nobody’s gonna argue with that. That mental health thing is one bit.
Another stay-at-home mom noted that as soon as her kids are old enough, she will go back to work as there is simply no reason to be at home when the kids are out of the house. Besides that, the second income is way better for the family.
Image credits: eduardo199o9 (not the actual photo)
Home As We Make It ran a bit of research to determine the true struggles of stay-at-home moms. Of the 400 participants, self-care was the biggest struggle most experienced, clocking in at 18% of all moms. These include not being able to tend to their own food or exercise needs, but also not being able to fully enjoy a day out shopping and the like.
Keeping up with household duties was a close second, being at 16.8%. When you have a kid around, keeping the house tidy is a bit of a challenge. It’s not like the child does it on purpose—they explore the world, play and just do things by accident, all of which constantly need tidying up and it is relentless—like Sisyphus’ boulder.
And then we get to the hard-hitting topics of social isolation and mental health. 62 (15.5%) and 48 (12%) women respectively expressed these two concerns. Socializing outside of the household becomes difficult as a lot of the time-planning revolves around the kid’s schedule, to which most functioning folk in society can’t cater. And even the partner can’t always fill that void because they are already holding the front somewhere else.
Besides that, stay-at-home-moms can’t really find new friends that easily, save for other parents at the park while the kids play. But even keeping those relationships up can be near impossible because there’s now two kids’ schedules to contend with. It is a certain kind of vicious cycle that stops folks from being able to socialize freely, and that is taxing on humans as we are social beings.
There’s more reason to return to work, but that’s a bigger discussion for next time. This time, though, we’d love to see you send us some love in the comment section by sharing your thoughts and opinions on everything you’re read here today!
Many had questions, but once those questions were answered, many had a verdict, and that verdict was that the dad was not at fault
OP is 100% NTA, but he did screw up with the cheating comment. It certainly didn’t help his position
Yeah the part about "do you want me to start doing that?" Is pretty assholish.
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My wife was a SAHM for a long time, yes it was financially harder but the time she spent with put him in good stead for school. More so when he was diagnosed as autistic and has partial global development delay. If she didn't do that he would really struggle. She was gearing up to return to the workplace but the pandemic hit and schools were closed. She went to work in a school part time at first (1 day a week) then after a while she joined another school nearer home full time. In a couple of weeks she starts as a class teaching assistant. Last year she was a one to one for a SEN child who has now left. Being in full time employment has been beneficial for her mental health: she is getting out the house, doing something and earning her own money. Unless there is a really good/medical reason not to, she should get back to work asap. It could benefit her greatly
Id say they need to communicate more, since he really has no idea why she doesn't want to go back to work. That said ...I am a SAHM now and my kids are in school during the day and I don't want to work either, we see a lot of benefit from me still being at home, helping with homework after school, shuttling kids around in the afternoon to activities, but I do almost all the chores. My husband works all day, long hours and stressful job so in our case I feel it's not fair to have him do chores. When I do all the chores we end up with about equal amounts of free time and it works great for us.
OP is 100% NTA, but he did screw up with the cheating comment. It certainly didn’t help his position
Yeah the part about "do you want me to start doing that?" Is pretty assholish.
Load More Replies... My wife was a SAHM for a long time, yes it was financially harder but the time she spent with put him in good stead for school. More so when he was diagnosed as autistic and has partial global development delay. If she didn't do that he would really struggle. She was gearing up to return to the workplace but the pandemic hit and schools were closed. She went to work in a school part time at first (1 day a week) then after a while she joined another school nearer home full time. In a couple of weeks she starts as a class teaching assistant. Last year she was a one to one for a SEN child who has now left. Being in full time employment has been beneficial for her mental health: she is getting out the house, doing something and earning her own money. Unless there is a really good/medical reason not to, she should get back to work asap. It could benefit her greatly
Id say they need to communicate more, since he really has no idea why she doesn't want to go back to work. That said ...I am a SAHM now and my kids are in school during the day and I don't want to work either, we see a lot of benefit from me still being at home, helping with homework after school, shuttling kids around in the afternoon to activities, but I do almost all the chores. My husband works all day, long hours and stressful job so in our case I feel it's not fair to have him do chores. When I do all the chores we end up with about equal amounts of free time and it works great for us.
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