For parents and relatives of a newborn baby, almost nothing in the world is as important as that tiny little human. They’re growing and changing every single day, and it’s tempting for family members to visit every chance they get. But babies are fragile, and we have to remember to take certain precautions before seeing them.
One frustrated mother recently shared on Reddit that she has banned her husband’s family from seeing her child, after they deliberately disobeyed her visiting rules. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as some of the replies from concerned readers.
A newborn baby is exciting for the entire family
Image credits: EKATERINA BOLOVTSOVA (not the actual photo)
But this mother has decided her in-laws aren’t allowed to see the child until they understand not to put her at risk
Image credits: Antoni Shkraba (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Unusual_Stomach_5574
Image credits: Kristina Paukshtite (not the actual photo)
Babies can become ill very easily
When a new member of the family is born, it’s hard for anyone to keep their cool. Everyone wants to spoil the child, take as many photos as possible, cuddle her, sing to her and more. But as adults, we also have a responsibility to prioritize the child’s safety. With their immune systems just starting to develop, babies are prone to coming down with colds during their first year of life.
In fact, Mary Anne Jackson, M.D., a pediatric expert at Children’s Mercy Hospital and Clinics in Kansas City, told Parents.com that babies often have 6-12 infections before they even turn one. “That’s up to 120 days of the year they may be sick,” Jackson noted.
Some of the symptoms an ill baby might develop are fussiness, fever, coughing, sneezing, reduced appetite, difficulty breastfeeding or taking a bottle and trouble falling or staying asleep, Healthline explains. And while common colds aren’t dangerous in newborns, parents should always take them seriously, as they can quickly escalate into conditions such as pneumonia or croup.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
It’s wise to keep visitors to a minimum for the first few months of a child’s life
Because it’s so easy for newborns to become ill, it’s important for parents and visitors to take precautions when seeing them. According to Dr. Marcia VanVleet, MD, MPH, there are no hard and fast rules about when babies can have visitors. But aside from immediate family or anyone who can help out with the baby early on, she recommends not inviting visitors over until the child is 3 months old.
“They’ve never been sick, never been exposed to illnesses, and as adults, we have to be careful and not come around them if we’re feeling even a little off,” Dr. VanVleet explains. “Babies can’t get a flu shot until they are 6 months old, and while they are carrying some of their mother’s immunities, it’s better not to take the chance.”
When visitors do come, it’s important that they call ahead and coordinate with the parents, wash their hands often before and during the visit, ensure they haven’t been exposed to illness for at least two weeks before visiting, make sure their vaccines are up to date, consider wearing a mask around the newborn, refrain from kissing the baby, and avoid staying for too long.
Image credits: Marcus Aurelius (not the actual photo)
Parents have the right to set boundaries on who is allowed to see their children and when
While it can be challenging to set boundaries with family members, the most important thing parents of a newborn can do is prioritize their child’s safety. Dr. VanVleet recommends that moms and dads set ground rules with visitors about when they can come and what the prerequisites are for their visits.
It may be uncomfortable to tell them it’s not appropriate to see the child yet, but parents can help relatives feel more involved in the baby’s life by sending lots of photos and videos, sending cards with the newborn’s hand or footprint and making plans for when they will be able to visit in the future. Family members can also send gifts for the child and parents if they’re not able to deliver them in person yet. Just because they’re sending love from a distance doesn’t mean they’re not an important part of the child’s life.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this mother has the right to keep her husband’s family away for 6 months to a year? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing family conflicts that come up when a new baby is born, we recommend this piece next!
Readers assured the mother that she made the right decision to protect her child
My daughter came home after six weeks in the NICU (wife's water broke at 26 weeks, delivered at 28 weeks). We have her with us and she is laying down blue and not breathing. My wife resuscitated her and we rushed her to the hospital. She had gotten the flu, likely from an older sibling (no, we never blamed anyone). Had my wife not known what to do, our baby would have died... saying that, f**k those in-laws! They knowingly ignored the safety of that baby. Had it died, do they think there would ever have been forgiveness?
They probably would have said, "It was God's will to call her home," then asked for the baby furniture so someone else could furnish their own nursery without spending a cent.
Load More Replies...
As someone who had to take my best friend and her daughter to the hospital countless times for RSV that family is beyond selfish and Beyond stupid. RSV is no joke! Babies die all the time from that. Yes, their immune systems need to be built up, but not like that.
NTA nah your good don't let them anywhere near your baby. Medicine is pretty advanced, but that s**t is still life and death for an infant. You made the right call Mom.
Husband saying how she's keeping him from his "family" ... as if his wife and child aren't his family... that's a giant man child right there.
NTA. Hubby should be told by OP that from this point on, either he starts making his daughter (and marriage) a priority, or go home to Mommy. There's no excuse for him literally giving approval to his family DELIBERATELY exposing his newborn daughter to whatever his family is carrying. Nothing is stopping him from enjoying the holidays with his family; his wife just won't be there with him. Unless he wants this to be a permanent arrangement, he'd better grow a set of cohones and enforce boundaries with his family. His daughter dying or being permanently disabled because of them will be the final straw in their marriage.
JFC!!! Not only flu but COVID??!!! And they still came over??? They'd be banned for a looong damn time.
I'd tell my husband that if our daughter's health is less important than his mental health then maybe she and the baby should leave then he can be with the people who matter the most
Load More Replies... Babies immune systems are strengthened by antigens in the mother's breast milk, they certainly do NOT need to be exposed to something as risky as RSV!!! That kills healthy adults, never mind newborns. No shade on anyone not able or willing to breast feed, I wasn't because no one showed or even explained to me how so I botched it up.
My father and aunt are both immunocompromised, so it is difficult for them to be around suck people, so I can't imagine a six week old baby being around sick people. Covid should have taught us to take illness seriously and not try to expose others to whatever you have. Exposing a six week old to the flu will not building up their immune system. MIL and SIL knew exactly what they were doing and deserve to be banned from seeing the baby.
I like your Freudian slip in the first sentence......suck people. Hahaa
Load More Replies...
It's actually highly recommended to not have your baby exposed to the outside world much at all until 9 to 12 months old anyways. The in-laws were a******s, but the mother should look some information up to present it. If the father is gonna whine about it, he can drive. He can visit his family, then come home and immediately take a shower or decontaminate some other way. Yes, getting sick is needed for babies to build their immune system. No, not that young, and no, not serious illnesses. The common cold, general bugs, hell, my brother got ear infections from time to time and now he's not gotten one sinus infection in his life. But he wasn't exposed to anything or anyone for at least 9 months. Put your foot down mom, and do some peer reviewed research.
Yeah. It kinda sucks it's such a misconception bc it's very much not true that a newborn can bounce back so quick. Even then, infections and colds/flu still kill some adults, sigh. People with the in laws mindset probably won't change their mind enough to realise they're completely wrong, though. Edit: Typo.
Load More Replies...
There are so many red flags in OP's story, Dustin Poynter ought to evaluate it. Sheesh, people are really awful. When I announced my pregnancy, SIL first concern was if my husband would be attending her daughter's wedding (3 weeks after my due date). I had complications in the final weeks of pregnancy, delivered a bit early via emergency section after 26 hours of active labor, got mastitis that took almost a month to clear, and had to go back to work just 8 weeks after that. We sent a lovely cash gift, the thank you card was the biggest f-ing slap in the face. ' we missed *my spouse* at the wedding. Thanks for the $xxx. *no signature* Selfish and oblivious, and those that choose to view life like this--the crappy behavior never stops https://www.tiktok.com/@dustinpoynter?_t=8hROPA6d2Wx&_r=1
Exposing an infant to a communicable disease is more dangerous than exposing a chemo patient to the same thing. There are a plethora of antibiotics and treatments for the latter; not so many for the former. It's beyond selfish, and anyone who puts their ego above a child's safety shouldn't be allowed anywhere near them. (Speaking as a former chemo patient.)
NTA! My friends child was on a heart transplant list due to RSV, which was from social contact. The child and parents suffered for years, with the child spending most his life in hospital until he was blessed with a heart at the age of 4 years. So I agree with your strategy until the age of 3-4 months (6 not required), and I suggest you breastfeed throughout if you can. I also didn't allow any visitors when my babies were born. Better be safe than sorry!
Well, then HE can go see his family. That is an insane risk to take and they KNOWINGLY did this and knew she would have an issue with it
How is that a solution? He will bring their sicknesses home to his infant afterwards
Load More Replies...
NTA! KEEP THEM AWAY! Your husband isn't band from seeing them for the holidays. He can still see them. THEY JUST CANT SEE THE BABY! AND COVID???? WHAT THE ACTUAL FK!?!?!? My sister's baby got sick around 1 week old. Her first son was at grams for the weekend that she was in labor. He came home sick. No one told her he may have caught a cold from his cousin or uncles! EVERYONE GOT SICK! Between being sick and being stressed, her milk dried up in 2 weeks and her 2nd kid has been on formula ever since! THAT SHT AINT CHEEP!!!! THEY ARE NOT ONLY RISKING YOUR BABYS HEALTH, THEY ARE RISKING YOURS AS WELL! KEEP THEM AWAY!
NTA we have lost over 1 million people to COVID in the United States alone and still today 1 in every 5 deaths is from COVID. Sadly statistics also show 75% of Americans (I'm in the U.S.) simply do not care about getting, transmitting or killing others with any infectious disease. It's tragic and like you (we're in the 25% who do care!!) We have to be vehement about it. Even if others don't appreciate, want to understand or support you, dear mom please know from my own experience, once a little one has died, there are no apologies or anything anyone can do to bring a baby back. Protect her as fiercely as if a home intruder broke into your home!! If your husband doesn't get it? Have him read these comments from others who will not get a second chance. Or read them to him. Death is permanent. Your child is lucky to have you!!!
We declined last minute to take our child to a family dinner because we were waiting for word from the doctor regarding the throat culture the doctor took in case he was contagious because there were two newborns at the dinner and we didn't want to chance it.
She's not forbidding him from going and seeing his family she's saying they are not welcome at their home until they stop risking the baby's life. Tell hubby he obviously doesn't give a c**p about his baby because he should have told his family the same thing. Tell him they show up you and the baby will leave.
Compromise? They can see the family if both of them are willing to film a short video for the child to watch when they are older, saying: “When you were a newborn, we lied. We lied for our own selfish reasons. We decided to endanger your life and we didn’t care. We didn’t care and we refuse to apologise. It could have killed you, it could have left you with lifelong health problems. But we didn’t care. We are fundamentally selfish people.” They film a similarly-worded version, to be shared across all social media, explaining to all friends and family that’s what they did, and that they’ll do it to other people with vulnerable health - young or old, they just don’t care. So long as they agree to have this played at every birthday of their grandchildren, they can see the kids again. After five months.
If husband feels he "needs" hus family that much, tell him to pack up and go live with them.
In this particular instance, I need to ask if mom is breastfeeding or not. If she is not, then keep the baby away from other people for a few months until baby's body can build up a reasonable immune system. However, if she is breastfeeding, she is passing on her immunities to her baby, so there is less danger of catching anything radical. Either way, you need to be careful around newborns.
She should have talked with her husband prior to making the decision then made. It's not good to leave him out on something that affects them all.
I suspect that she didn't discuss it with her husband because she knew he would have automatically sided with his family. He needs to get his priorities straight. Otherwise, he won't have a marriage.
Load More Replies...
David Earley - The mother and sister-in-law both admitted to the cold and COVID. They chose not to admit it until after the baby got sick. This was on them. As far as discussing it with her husband, he showed his true colors by not agreeing to any sort of boundaries. It should be a big red flag to HER if he chooses his mother/sister over his child.
Load More Replies...
Did you not catch the part where they deliberately lied? One of them knew she was exposed to the flu, and the other one was exposed to covid. It's not like just going out and about, but the baby actually being held by two people that knew they were exposed to viruses that could potentially kill that child at that age. As somebody who let dogs lick my babies when they're little, and that's supposed to be a big no no I would be absolutely furious with these people as well. Do you have any idea what RSV can do to a baby? I watched my best friend's daughter almost died from RSV so maybe you should educate yourself on the immune system of babies
Load More Replies... My daughter came home after six weeks in the NICU (wife's water broke at 26 weeks, delivered at 28 weeks). We have her with us and she is laying down blue and not breathing. My wife resuscitated her and we rushed her to the hospital. She had gotten the flu, likely from an older sibling (no, we never blamed anyone). Had my wife not known what to do, our baby would have died... saying that, f**k those in-laws! They knowingly ignored the safety of that baby. Had it died, do they think there would ever have been forgiveness?
They probably would have said, "It was God's will to call her home," then asked for the baby furniture so someone else could furnish their own nursery without spending a cent.
Load More Replies... As someone who had to take my best friend and her daughter to the hospital countless times for RSV that family is beyond selfish and Beyond stupid. RSV is no joke! Babies die all the time from that. Yes, their immune systems need to be built up, but not like that.
NTA nah your good don't let them anywhere near your baby. Medicine is pretty advanced, but that s**t is still life and death for an infant. You made the right call Mom.
Husband saying how she's keeping him from his "family" ... as if his wife and child aren't his family... that's a giant man child right there.
NTA. Hubby should be told by OP that from this point on, either he starts making his daughter (and marriage) a priority, or go home to Mommy. There's no excuse for him literally giving approval to his family DELIBERATELY exposing his newborn daughter to whatever his family is carrying. Nothing is stopping him from enjoying the holidays with his family; his wife just won't be there with him. Unless he wants this to be a permanent arrangement, he'd better grow a set of cohones and enforce boundaries with his family. His daughter dying or being permanently disabled because of them will be the final straw in their marriage.
JFC!!! Not only flu but COVID??!!! And they still came over??? They'd be banned for a looong damn time.
I'd tell my husband that if our daughter's health is less important than his mental health then maybe she and the baby should leave then he can be with the people who matter the most
Load More Replies... Babies immune systems are strengthened by antigens in the mother's breast milk, they certainly do NOT need to be exposed to something as risky as RSV!!! That kills healthy adults, never mind newborns. No shade on anyone not able or willing to breast feed, I wasn't because no one showed or even explained to me how so I botched it up.
My father and aunt are both immunocompromised, so it is difficult for them to be around suck people, so I can't imagine a six week old baby being around sick people. Covid should have taught us to take illness seriously and not try to expose others to whatever you have. Exposing a six week old to the flu will not building up their immune system. MIL and SIL knew exactly what they were doing and deserve to be banned from seeing the baby.
I like your Freudian slip in the first sentence......suck people. Hahaa
Load More Replies... It's actually highly recommended to not have your baby exposed to the outside world much at all until 9 to 12 months old anyways. The in-laws were a******s, but the mother should look some information up to present it. If the father is gonna whine about it, he can drive. He can visit his family, then come home and immediately take a shower or decontaminate some other way. Yes, getting sick is needed for babies to build their immune system. No, not that young, and no, not serious illnesses. The common cold, general bugs, hell, my brother got ear infections from time to time and now he's not gotten one sinus infection in his life. But he wasn't exposed to anything or anyone for at least 9 months. Put your foot down mom, and do some peer reviewed research.
Yeah. It kinda sucks it's such a misconception bc it's very much not true that a newborn can bounce back so quick. Even then, infections and colds/flu still kill some adults, sigh. People with the in laws mindset probably won't change their mind enough to realise they're completely wrong, though. Edit: Typo.
Load More Replies... There are so many red flags in OP's story, Dustin Poynter ought to evaluate it. Sheesh, people are really awful. When I announced my pregnancy, SIL first concern was if my husband would be attending her daughter's wedding (3 weeks after my due date). I had complications in the final weeks of pregnancy, delivered a bit early via emergency section after 26 hours of active labor, got mastitis that took almost a month to clear, and had to go back to work just 8 weeks after that. We sent a lovely cash gift, the thank you card was the biggest f-ing slap in the face. ' we missed *my spouse* at the wedding. Thanks for the $xxx. *no signature* Selfish and oblivious, and those that choose to view life like this--the crappy behavior never stops https://www.tiktok.com/@dustinpoynter?_t=8hROPA6d2Wx&_r=1
Exposing an infant to a communicable disease is more dangerous than exposing a chemo patient to the same thing. There are a plethora of antibiotics and treatments for the latter; not so many for the former. It's beyond selfish, and anyone who puts their ego above a child's safety shouldn't be allowed anywhere near them. (Speaking as a former chemo patient.)
NTA! My friends child was on a heart transplant list due to RSV, which was from social contact. The child and parents suffered for years, with the child spending most his life in hospital until he was blessed with a heart at the age of 4 years. So I agree with your strategy until the age of 3-4 months (6 not required), and I suggest you breastfeed throughout if you can. I also didn't allow any visitors when my babies were born. Better be safe than sorry!
Well, then HE can go see his family. That is an insane risk to take and they KNOWINGLY did this and knew she would have an issue with it
How is that a solution? He will bring their sicknesses home to his infant afterwards
Load More Replies... NTA! KEEP THEM AWAY! Your husband isn't band from seeing them for the holidays. He can still see them. THEY JUST CANT SEE THE BABY! AND COVID???? WHAT THE ACTUAL FK!?!?!? My sister's baby got sick around 1 week old. Her first son was at grams for the weekend that she was in labor. He came home sick. No one told her he may have caught a cold from his cousin or uncles! EVERYONE GOT SICK! Between being sick and being stressed, her milk dried up in 2 weeks and her 2nd kid has been on formula ever since! THAT SHT AINT CHEEP!!!! THEY ARE NOT ONLY RISKING YOUR BABYS HEALTH, THEY ARE RISKING YOURS AS WELL! KEEP THEM AWAY!
NTA we have lost over 1 million people to COVID in the United States alone and still today 1 in every 5 deaths is from COVID. Sadly statistics also show 75% of Americans (I'm in the U.S.) simply do not care about getting, transmitting or killing others with any infectious disease. It's tragic and like you (we're in the 25% who do care!!) We have to be vehement about it. Even if others don't appreciate, want to understand or support you, dear mom please know from my own experience, once a little one has died, there are no apologies or anything anyone can do to bring a baby back. Protect her as fiercely as if a home intruder broke into your home!! If your husband doesn't get it? Have him read these comments from others who will not get a second chance. Or read them to him. Death is permanent. Your child is lucky to have you!!!
We declined last minute to take our child to a family dinner because we were waiting for word from the doctor regarding the throat culture the doctor took in case he was contagious because there were two newborns at the dinner and we didn't want to chance it.
She's not forbidding him from going and seeing his family she's saying they are not welcome at their home until they stop risking the baby's life. Tell hubby he obviously doesn't give a c**p about his baby because he should have told his family the same thing. Tell him they show up you and the baby will leave.
Compromise? They can see the family if both of them are willing to film a short video for the child to watch when they are older, saying: “When you were a newborn, we lied. We lied for our own selfish reasons. We decided to endanger your life and we didn’t care. We didn’t care and we refuse to apologise. It could have killed you, it could have left you with lifelong health problems. But we didn’t care. We are fundamentally selfish people.” They film a similarly-worded version, to be shared across all social media, explaining to all friends and family that’s what they did, and that they’ll do it to other people with vulnerable health - young or old, they just don’t care. So long as they agree to have this played at every birthday of their grandchildren, they can see the kids again. After five months.
If husband feels he "needs" hus family that much, tell him to pack up and go live with them.
In this particular instance, I need to ask if mom is breastfeeding or not. If she is not, then keep the baby away from other people for a few months until baby's body can build up a reasonable immune system. However, if she is breastfeeding, she is passing on her immunities to her baby, so there is less danger of catching anything radical. Either way, you need to be careful around newborns.
She should have talked with her husband prior to making the decision then made. It's not good to leave him out on something that affects them all.
I suspect that she didn't discuss it with her husband because she knew he would have automatically sided with his family. He needs to get his priorities straight. Otherwise, he won't have a marriage.
Load More Replies... David Earley - The mother and sister-in-law both admitted to the cold and COVID. They chose not to admit it until after the baby got sick. This was on them. As far as discussing it with her husband, he showed his true colors by not agreeing to any sort of boundaries. It should be a big red flag to HER if he chooses his mother/sister over his child.
Load More Replies... Did you not catch the part where they deliberately lied? One of them knew she was exposed to the flu, and the other one was exposed to covid. It's not like just going out and about, but the baby actually being held by two people that knew they were exposed to viruses that could potentially kill that child at that age. As somebody who let dogs lick my babies when they're little, and that's supposed to be a big no no I would be absolutely furious with these people as well. Do you have any idea what RSV can do to a baby? I watched my best friend's daughter almost died from RSV so maybe you should educate yourself on the immune system of babies
Load More Replies...
85
59