There's no simple answer as to why kids' books are sometimes so bizarre, cruel, and entirely incomprehensible to us, adults. Maybe they need to teach some lessons to the kids, that we do not understand anymore? Or perhaps they seem so crazy because grown-ups don't have the imagining capabilities of a child? No matter the explanation, these children books could easily steal some weird things show. And maybe the culprit of these books for kids being so peculiar, is that children's minds haven't been ruined by adult humor the way ours have, so children's book authors have a lot of leeways when it comes to the language they use? And even with that in mind, some of these pages from weird children's books are still very difficult to explain.
From some seemingly innocent toddler books demanding to touch a cow to an informative book called 'Mommy Drinks Because You're Bad' and a, now-classic children book, called 'All My Friends Are Dead,' the list could go on and on. So scroll down below to get your fair share of scary kids books; who knows, maybe you'll find your favorite baby books in there too!
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Poor Pussy Party Game
I actually remember seeing this game in a book as a kid. Shame sick adult humour has spoiled this.
Nothing has been spoiled here except your sense of humor
Load More Replies...We used to play "Poor Pussy" but not like this. We made funny faces and tried to make "Poor Pussy " laugh.
Perhaps it's more the picture than the actual game :-) Which...um...yes....
Load More Replies...I remember playing this in middle school but poor Sally from the alley always needed so much male attention she was always the one on her knees 😢
Morning Of Awkwardness
Yep my grandfather always called granny a stubborn old goat but they slept in seprate rooms & he screwed the sheep.I never understood that one.
Actually, the illustration is from a children's book, but the text isn't. Don't know where they got this weird mash-up from.
Load More Replies...Something In Her Mouth
Is this somehow related to the Poor Pussy Party Game from the first one?
Amelia Bedelia!! My younger sister LOVES her, and we actually read this book to her last night.
Yep i learned this by watching my parents.My dad was just like Mr.Rogers always stuck it right in her mouth.
Bones
I actually think this is very good as it shows the relationship between a human's bones and those of a horse in a very understandable way.
Thank God this horse doesn't have a "penis" bone...
Load More Replies...Cat's Behind
Actually Joanna no I've never thought about sticking my finger in any animal's behind and anyone who does is sick!😒
The Kiss
We aren't supposed to learn about those kisses until we get much, much older.
I actually have this book.. And it took me about 10 years to figure it out..
Load More Replies...But try to actually read those super disturbing words. It'll make it even weirder.
A bleached filipino a**s ripe for the taking!!!! Hell begging for the taking
The poem reads (To the tune of "The Alphabet Song") Aunt Bea says, "Oh, golly gee!" Then she starts to bear-hug me. "Ouch!" I yell. I can't flee. There's no way. To break free. She can't hear my yells and pleas. 'Cause she's got me in a squeeze! Cousin Jim says, "Let him be!" But Aunt Bea does not agree. Her hug's like. An attack. I can feel. My ribs crack. And my eyes pop out like peas. She owes me apologies! It gets worse when Aunt Marie Reaches in and rescures me. Slobbers like A wet pooch When she gives Me a smooch. Cuckoo birds, it seems to me, Fly around out family tree.
say hello you little aunt bea b***ch don't hug or kiss
Load More Replies...Teddy Bear Would Rather Sit And Watch
Loool, I had that book when I was a child. I definitely don't look at it the same way now...
Dick, Dick, What Did You Lick ?
Is it a coincidence that a character named D**k is holding a piece of sausage?
This title of this Wonder Book has been changed. The real title is "THE BOY WHO WOULDN'T EAT HIS BREAKFAST" by Elisabeth Brozowska.
Pleasure Island
I never noticed this before from Pinocchio. That story has so many creepy themes in it.
Seamen
That's one way to put out the fire. Unsure if it's really the best way though..
Pretend I'm The Poop
if he was my dad he would actually play a bit and then walk away
Load More Replies...Not a kid's book. Jeffrey Brown, cartoonist. Author of "Clumsy", "Little Things", "Funny Misshapen Body", etc...
When my sons were three or so, they'd come up behind me while I was washing dishes, stick their heads under the back of my t-shirt, and tell me I had a tail. I'd then say I'd wash my tail in ginger ale. The older one would run away in mock terror; the younger would impatiently say, "aren't you gonna wash me in ginger ale?" They both came up with the same thing nine years apart. But, as for poop...
The Secret Of Being A Good Lover
This is totally like that sexy Simba/Nala scene from "The Lion King".
This one is definitely not a kids book, its a book about love with beautiful animal paintings
Harpo's Horrible Secret
Really??? No one??????? ..... And they forgot to color in between the kids legs, #Fail
They didn't forget to color it in... that's what's running down the leg!
Load More Replies...Stay tuned for the riveting sequel, "Harpo Spends the Next Twenty Years in Therapy".
He's just elderly and has a wrinkly mouth. Your comment did get a chuckle from me, though.
Load More Replies...Curious George
I had this one. Our family made all sorts of fake titles involving Curious George. To name a few: "Curious George and the Live hand Grenade", "Curious George and the Hydraulic Press", etc. This book, which I believe is "Curious George Goes to the Doctor", we renamed "Curious George and the Bottle of Ether", for obvious reasons.
Same phucking 💩 happened to me back in "93" they had to do CPR on me...... Huffing ether about sent me flying up to Jesus fast!!!
Boy Vs. Girl
No wonder my male friend as a child thought i weed out the pooper! Ahhaa
My childhood best friend (boy) had once asked me if I had the ability to poop because I was a girl.
Load More Replies...omg this was in a reacticorns (one of wengie's other channels) video
Butcher
Why the butcher is a pig :X This is so messed up ! What would you explain to your kid if they ask you what is ham or bacon ?
Of all the animals, they had to make the butcher a pig.. a lion would probably make more sense?
All My Friends Are Dead
All of my friends are dead. is a parody of children's books written for adults. It was never intended for kids!
It looks like norwegian price tags. 99 kr = ca 12 dollars. That shop "Outland" is a comic books store we have in Norway :)
Load More Replies...Teaching kids not to shoot speedballls or herion & end up like Belushi is important too!!!!
My daughter chose this book when she was 8 years old and she loved it! I think its more of a philosophy book. I think its an appropriate book to introduce kids to a complex subject
Japan
I can't tell which broke the brick... The foot or the scary noxious, green gas. Bwahaha!
That made me laugh more than it probably should have!
Load More Replies...The guy in the right corner is funny . He looks like he just saw his nightmare
does he s**t uranium? a simple fart couldnt break A F*****G BRICK
To be fair LOL... this is from a book called Fart Around the World (https://www.amazon.ca/Farts-Around-World-Spotters-Guide/dp/1452102813) so it's deliberately supposed to look like this.
Turtles Sleep
Thats just how turtles sleep lmao I see it near the ponds where I live I think they do it for warmth
Load More Replies...They broke in to an upper Manhattan apt & pushed the husband out & gang banged the wife while she played sleep lol oh she loved it
Unplugged
Do It Now
Horse Balls
Suck It
They all knew the lion was gay just like they all suspected but wernt sure till he busted out with this!!!!
Just like DX said, " I've your not down with that, lion gots two word for you....!!!!"
Invisible Dick
That would mean that even without a dirty mind invisible d**k is riding around wearing only his shoes and a bike helmet?
Who Cares About Elderly People?
"who cares about elderly people? the answer is child's play!!!"
Load More Replies...Well, the book is obviously meant to show you why you SHOULD care, so what is it doing in this list?
It's just a bad wording, they made it sounds like "Who cares, anyway?"
Load More Replies...No phucking body except the owners of the nursing homes that collect big $$ off of them!!
Who cares about elderly people exactly what you want to teach your kids
Scouts In Bondage
As a scout, I can confirm that this is what goes on a boy scout camp. Seriously. Like no s**t.
Yeah there is a huge law suite out against the Boy Scouts of America right now for kids of tge 70's & 80's that were raped & molested by scout leaders!!!
You don't get this manual until you become, like, a third-degree Webelo.
Everyone Poops
I do not know why this book is on this list. This book single-handedly help me teach my own daughter to be able to poop on the potty!!
I love this book.I got it in when i was like 10. I still have it... I am about to be 33. :)
Fellow Fags
Actually, in England, a "F*g" is a high school Junior who is assigned a senior who they will clean the study area of once a week. Your dirty humor has ruined this book.
It’s not a dirty minded thing it’s that f**s (I’m lgbtq+) is a literal slur in America 😭
Load More Replies...Angry Pig
Does anyone have more info on this book? Is Angry Pig really the name? Anyone know the author's name?
Julius by Angela Johnson, illustrated by the famous Dav Pilkey (of Captain Underpants and Dog Man fame)
Load More Replies...Leave it up to a black girl to teach her pet pig how to eat her a$$ the way R. Kelly usee to before she got too old for him!!!
girl:ooh you got some pig poops yeah keep em goin pig:hrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnggg i knew i should have eaten more bacon
Cow
i think the illistration is unfinished ( uncomfortable laughter )
The Beast In The Bathtub
This book is to teach kids about step parents good touch bad touch & ouch that hurts in there!!!
A Lion Is Coming
A lion is coming replace the o with a u and you get something else, especially with the position theyre in
Load More Replies...Stalker George
George is going to end up on an episode of "Forensic Files"...or a Lifetime Network made-for-tv movie.
george is cute but deadly,also has no distance between his eyes and is almost a cyclops hippo
They Should Have Written Kitty
Had To Include This One!
This is, again, a book intended for adults. Not children. Samuel L Jackson does the audio book! :D
The kids' version is Seriously, Just Go to Sleep.
Load More Replies...this was a parody, that's like saying Baldi's Basics is a education game and South Park is a Disney Channel show
I heard the audio version of this narrated by Morgan Freeman. Best thing ever.
Why Mommy Poisoned You
Because mommy has mental issues love or a dysfunctional marriage and was aiming to poison your dad
what the terrible mother is this underpants bandits poopy stoopy creation
because your mom wants you to be a poison monster. she'll be so proud!
Horse Would Be Shot
Well, no, Jeanne, a horse with a broken leg is suppressed because there's no way it can't heal, it's an act of mercy
OK, I get that it's a mercy to shoot a horse once the leg is broken because the leg won't heal properly, but look at that horse! "Hit me with your best shot, m**********r.
The issue here is not whether that's a realistic (or logical) scenario but whether it is suited for chidren to read.
No, Jeanne, a horse with a broken leg will in most cases never be able to live without pain anymore. Their anatomy differs from ours.
Load More Replies...Richard Scarry's Busy, Busy Town
I remember this book from when I was a child! I loved Richard Scarry books!
He also smells of brandy and occasionally asks for money. Learn early children :D
WHAT ABOUT THE BLACK GUY IN THE NEXT CAR ,why wont he work???
Piglet's Pizza... With Ham (it's From Polish Edition Of Disney's Pooh's Cooking Book)
How Many Times Did They Try?
I shot that there horse, and he kept goin'. I jumped off a building and he kept on trotten. Then he bucked me off and killed me
Roll Over, Beethoven
troll kid Looks like he's going to play Rap God, Beethoven Sucks or another song that the kid should not play on the piano.
Why does that look like charlie and his nephew from 2 and a half men
Alphabet Book For Norwegian Children. Author: Henriette Eriksen
your comment made my day . i think you need to know this given you only have two likes but sir , hats off to you *slow clap*
Load More Replies...That is not from a childrens book, but "art".. https://www.trafo.no/v11265-hallingdans?filter=authored&ordering=latest
Sucker?
Get The Fuck Off.. Mr. T And Me
There was one kid's dad that asked her to say that.... the girl said "I peed in the pool." Instead of "I pity the fool." LOL
Load More Replies...I'm going to give this one a solid fake-out-of-ten. And why is she levitating?
The Chocolate Cock
I hate how all this classical literatures has to be ruined by adult dirty minds
Unfortunately, ‘c**k’ used to mean ‘rooster’. It does, still, but that’s not how people use it given today’s slang.
About A Mole Who Wanted To Know Who Pooped On His Head
We bought this one for our son. It is actually pretty good. You can see different kind of s**t going out of various animals:)
I believe this wasn't supposed to be for children. You can even find a great animated short on youtube based on this. It's funny though.
It is a german childrens book, which is actually one of my favourites. I had it when i was little and we now have it again for my son. It has great pictures of different animals pooping with elaborate details and facial expressions and is quite educational. I till laugh my head off at those pictures when i read it to my little one. Children do have a phase where they are highly interested in poop and the book is perfect for that.
Load More Replies...If You Wonder What Sort Of Books Read Kids In Russia, This Is An Example.
I wouldn't say it's a typical Russian book for kids. It's the only one I've see in such military style. Except the books about war maybe.
My First Little Boob Job
I had this book, and it's been photoshopped. It was called, "Amy Gets Her Tonsils Out."
Why does anyone call anything something other than it's scientific name. It's fun and adds to the depth of the language. Where would we be without such grand words as "c**k", "b******e", or "taint?"
Load More Replies...Pika Pika?
If you consider "pika" is homophone for "d**k" in Brazilian Portuguese, this is exceptionally funny hahahaha
YO YOU GOT IT. Whenever i was watching pokemon my parents would laugh when pikachu said sum. I didn't understand till my 12s.
Load More Replies...Pride And Premenstrual Syndrome
Of Mice And Men(struation)
OMG PERIODS! so education on things that real little girls go through is suddenly for adults now? I get the other books on this list but I feel like its better to educate your kid on periods rather than letting them have a heart attack because theyre suddenly bleeding down there. Having an educational book about puberty is different than a sexual hornball book.
I'll Take Your Word For It.
What's wrong with this one? It's about a boy growing up and every night the aging mother says a song to him in his sleep.
before “Love You Forever” was a nursery staple, it was a simple, four-line poem that children’s book author Robert Munsch would sing silently to himself after his wife gave birth to a stillborn baby. It was the second stillbirth the couple had to mourn.Munsch says the song was too painful to sing out loud. For a long time, he couldn’t even share it with his wife. “[The song] was my way of crying,” Munsch said.
Load More Replies...before “Love You Forever” was a nursery staple, it was a simple, four-line poem that children’s book author Robert Munsch would sing silently to himself after his wife gave birth to a stillborn baby. It was the second stillbirth the couple had to mourn.Munsch says the song was too painful to sing out loud. For a long time, he couldn’t even share it with his wife. “[The song] was my way of crying,” Munsch said.
Astronomy Or Anatomy?
Yeah... These Uranus jokes are getting old...
Load More Replies...I wonder how much authors noticed, that their "piece of art'', can have hidden message :P Or adults see sexual meanings even if there's not?
These are wonderful. Couldn't stop laughing. Inspired me to create weird books too. Mother-I-S...e2-png.jpg
All grownups have imagining capabilities, as well as teenagers, Everyone has a imagination.
The so-called author of this piece seems to be unable to a) understand that not all illustrated books are for children and b) how to check if an image is of an actual book or if it is a photoshopped work of satire. Pretty basic requirements, really.
I hate that many classical literature has to be ruined by adult humor
I wonder how much authors noticed, that their "piece of art'', can have hidden message :P Or adults see sexual meanings even if there's not?
These are wonderful. Couldn't stop laughing. Inspired me to create weird books too. Mother-I-S...e2-png.jpg
All grownups have imagining capabilities, as well as teenagers, Everyone has a imagination.
The so-called author of this piece seems to be unable to a) understand that not all illustrated books are for children and b) how to check if an image is of an actual book or if it is a photoshopped work of satire. Pretty basic requirements, really.
I hate that many classical literature has to be ruined by adult humor
