“It’s Not My Job To Prevent The Catastrophe”: People Share 30 Tips That Help Them Get Through The Day At Their Toxic Jobs
Kicking the shoes off, putting away the laptop, having a power nap, or hopping into a shower—these are just some things people do to unwind after a long day of work. It helps not only to relax but also to separate the time for earning your daily bread and time for yourself. It is especially important if you find it difficult to maintain a healthy work-life balance or work in a toxic environment.
Members of Reddit's ‘Life Pro Tips’ community recently discussed the ways they separate the professional and personal lives and unwind once the workday is done. The user ta_sysadmin_ asked them how to detach, decompress at a toxic job, and opened up about working in a very stressful environment. Fellow redditors were generous with their suggestions, and provided quite a few useful tips for dealing with a toxic workplace. Scroll down to find their answers below.
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First thing when you get home, shower and put on different clothes. It draws a firm line between work and home.
I was working at a place like this. Great pay, lots of perks, but very high pressure. I tried a number of different things to take the edge off. Exercise, meditation, nutrition, drinking, drugs, positive self talk, therapy…you name it. The only thing that worked for me was quitting and going into lower stress work. I make less money, but I’m infinitely happier.
Working at a toxic job is just that. Toxic. You can do anything you want to curb the side effects, but if you drink a glass of poison every day, it’s going to eventually kill you no matter how hard you try and counteract it. Good luck
I did the same. I left a job (where I was miserable) for a lower-paid job. Even with the lower salary, I was much happier. And in the long run, it has been the best of both worlds - I have worked my way up the ladder, and I now earn £12,000 more than my previous (miserable) job.
All these tips may help a bit for a while but they wear off. It’s my personal belief that you have to change your situation and then change it again until you have peace. We spend waaaay too much time at work to be miserable at it
About 20 years ago I had a stressful job that required decompression after work. My therapist recommended just taking a walk in the park on the way home. So I started walking about a mile every evening after work. Eventually it turned into a jog, then a run then circuit training. I got into better shape at 30 than I was as a teenager.
Bro I got you. When you realize your pay is not based on your performance and is only based on your presence, it becomes incredibly easy to not give a f**k.
While this may be true, I take great pride in doing my job well. I sleep easy at night knowing I’ve put in a good days work. It’s not about the pay for me, it’s about being a good employee and colleague.
My dad would often open the big trash bin on his way into the house after work and chuck something in there. One day I was outside and watched him but did not see anything in his hands. I asked him what he was throwing away. “I throw all the c**p from work in there so I don’t bring it in the house.” Interesting coping strategy.
I chose to leave once I realised my health would never stop deteriorating there. Never regretted it, new job is so much better.
Work your hours and then stop thinking about work. Work time is for work. Your time is for your time. I turn off all emails and teams notifications between 7PM and 7AM. I don't check email on vacation. I also prioritize my work day. What are the most pressing things to get done? I do them all first when I am fresh, then leave the mundane stuff for when the mental fatigue kicks in. Get a hobby or something else you are passionate about.
7pm to 7am? Hell, I’d turn them off from 5pm to 9am Monday to Friday, and 5pm Friday to 9am Monday. Unless you’re in a life or death kind of job, nothing is so dire that it can’t wait until normal work hours.
Honestly OP, no matter what you do it will eventually catch up to you. So my advice would be look for an alternative while you still have your health. Stress kills… I worked 10-12 hours a day, on call 7 days every other week for over 10 years. Once I hit 45 it became a problem and slowly started pulling me down into anxiety and depression. Don’t burn out mate. It’s not worth the consequences.
So many of these "tips" are very privileged, as if the single mom with 2 abled kids and 1 special needs kid and a crappy breaking-down car can just up and change jobs on a whim.
Make something a routine thing that you do every shift to delineate work life vs home life. Some people mentioned showers, gym, etc... Mine was easy, I crossed a bridge to get home after work. That simple threshold crossing made me leave everything work related behind, on the other side of that bridge.
In case you don't have time to yourself for the gym or showering, maybe there is a park you can drive past or even better, drive through, on your way home? Or designate a freeway overpass? Something that signifies crossing the threshold between work and personal worlds?
Ride my bike home. Not only is is good exercise but it gives me 25 minutes to leave my s**t behind at work and it's great to come home to a partner and dog who are happy to.see you
I like the change of clothes and shower upon returning from home.
Go to a sauna and sweat it out.
Join a gym and stop here on the way home to burn off energy.
Avoid booze. I wish I did that myself as I abused myself for decades with high stress high alcohol.
Man. Alcohol and drugs are either really great or really bad. Great for pleasure, bad for health.
I’d leave. I worked in a toxic environment for two years and toughed it out until the end. It left a lasting impression on my nervous system so I now regret staying
Easier said after you leave. You expend so much energy trying to survive that it is hard to see that you should be getting out instead of working hard to stay in.
if your commute is long enough you can listen to a podcast on the way home. it gives me a great separation of home and work
I always used to do my venting on the way home. I didn’t carpool, so I could say anything I wanted to, as loud as I wanted to. I usually had it all out of my system by the time I got home, so I didn’t bring the anger and negativity with me when I walked in my house and was with my family.
One thing that helps me out a lot is to remind myself that my job is to be there and do the best I can to respond to the catastrophe. It's not my job to prevent the catastrophe. Sometimes I can't prevent the catastrophe. Even if everybody around me is freaking out about the catastrophe, and expects me to be the one to fix the catastrophe, and gets mad at me if I can't fix the catastrophe, if I show up, and I do my job, and I make good logical choices, and the catastrophe still happens, I have done my job. That's the best I can do.
Being able to reconceptualize your role as "showing up and responding to catastrophe for 8 hours, whether or not catastrophe is fixed" leaves you a lot more emotional room to come home and look for the next job without feeling like it's an emergency.
Yup. I wouldn't call this a catastrophe necessarily but boy did they act like it! Worked for one place and the internet went out one day for the entire day and you'd think the world imploded. People were freaking the hell out. Meltdowns and temper tantrums all over the place. Not me. I kicked back, chilled, and waited because there was nothing else I could do. They got mad because I wasn't freaking out like they were. Wow, sorry I'm not having a heart attack over something as minorly inconveniencing as faulty internet but oh well. They liked to pick their scapegoats too and I was one of them. Just like anything and everything else they blamed me for, somehow it was my fault the internet was out. I wish I could've taken credit for that! That place sucked. I ended up quitting way too many months later. Funny thing. At my job now, we deal with actual catastrophes but if the internet goes out, we all just kick back and chill. So I landed with kindred spirits. That's a win in my book.
Quit. It's not worth your sanity unless you have literally no other options.
Take regular bathroom breaks as a breather when things get too much. I sometimes use my Fitbit to do some breathing exercises for two minutes.
Find something relaxing to do when you get home, this can be anything you like doing as long as it's a reward for getting through the day.
Also just start looking for a new job whenever you have the time. It most likely isn't gonna get better at that job.
Longer hours or commute may seem like a hurdle right now, but if they're at a place where you're less on edge and more appreciated, they won't be so bad.
Exercise every day after work. Even mild. Get the survival energy out of your body.
Repeat, silently, after me.
It doesn't matter, if they want it that way it pays the same.
As a programmer I've learned not to get emotionally attached to anything I've built (which a lot of programmers fail to do). If it gets canned even before it sees the light of day, no worries. I still got paid to build it
This seems dumb but there is a little ritual you can do when you come home. My mom taught me this one.
Take you work shoes off before you get home.
Seems strange but by just setting it up in your mind that "these are the shoes that I go to work in". Once you take them off, work is complete and you can let go of what occurred and focus on being at home...all because the shoes are off.
Seems silly but I do it with a hat instead. Once the hat comes off, it's family / home time.
Give it a shot!
Doesn't everyone take their shoes off before they trod around the house?
I used to just say to myself in my head, "eh, f**k it dude, if they fire me, I'll just go get a different job". Then go about doing things at my pace. But yeah, that's a tough spot with the commute situation.
Yup. I always told myself, “I was looking for a job when I found this one.”
Discipline yourself to have good work bounds. Take your breaks, take lunch, don’t stay late all the time. Try not take things too personally and not equate professional success with your success as a human. It does take discipline but has given me more longevity in my job.
If you have difficulty remembering to take a break (which I do), I'd recommend buying a smart watch. They remind you to get up and move every so often. If you can't afford a smart watch, you could set a repeat alarm on your phone.
When I was working in a very stressful, toxic workplace, I came across this little nugget in a book, and it changed my life: we tolerate from the world what we believe our worth to be.
I had every reason to leave but I kept finding excuses to stay. I did all the “tricks” mentioned here. At the end of the day, your mind and body is more important than any excuse you can think of to stay. You are an amazing, unique human that can offer so much value to the world. Do not spend time anywhere and with anyone that dims that light.
A lot of people will essentially recommend “just stop thinking about it”. If you’re anything like me, it’s impossible. I FORCE myself to stop thinking about it with a hobby that requires a s**t ton of focus.
Heavy lifting and BJJ are my choices. They keep me physically active and healthy too. It’s really hard to think about work when I have a bar on my back that will crush me or when someone is literally trying to choke me out lol
I had an incredibly high stress job, not toxic but the same advice that helped me may help you.
This job was working with middle schoolers with severe learning and cognitive disabilities, yet kiddos who were given this shot to 'fit in' with society in some way instead of being roped off into separate lives. You have a much better life if you're able to go to Taco Bell and buy your own food you enjoy instead of being reliant on a caretaker to remember you like refried beans, but not black beans.
Many of the students were unable to communicate in full sentences and were operating as if they were 3~4, but in the body of an eleven year old. This meant temper tantrums that ended with tables flipped over, broken things that don't normally break like shelves, and so on. Some of these students were unable to express frustration, pain, hunger, or anything else and would do so by biting, hitting, screaming, running away, or anything else you expect from a young kid, but again they're now ten.
I would end the day having cleaned up poop from walls on a ladder, or have my clothing ripped by a student's teeth, or walked over 12 miles in 6 hours following a student, or .... yeah, it was stressful. And I was good at the job so I'd be called in to help with all the difficult situations as well.
So it sounds like I can empathize with you.
Here's what helped me out:
- Find the small things that make you smile.
- For me it was getting to take a deep breath walking past the cafeteria and smell the fresh tasty treats or getting out of tough physical situations and know I wouldn't need to go to the gym that afternoon
- Take time each day before and after work to do some ritual that calms you.
- I would cycle through different show theme songs from shows I enjoy watching after getting to work but before getting out of the car. After work I'd get back in the car and before heading back home take the time to listen to a bit of a comedian sketch. My goal was to have a ritual that segregated work from not-work and those helped.
- Take time to care for yourself
- As soon as I walked in the door straight to the shower and a fresh change of clothes. Then take 20 to watch something I was into, rerun or new, before even considering chores and dinner. It matters to take care of yourself both physically and mentally, take time for you.
- Vent the frustration
- I joined a facebook group of similar people and would make a post when I was just done and overwhelmed. Not to get responses, as a professional you know what you need to do in your job, but to just get it out there. It took some time to find a group that was appropriate and could give advice (always helpful even if not needed) that none of my co-workers knew about. Sometimes I needed to vent about them and while I wouldn't mind them hearing, I also wasn't talking to them right then for a reason.
- Finally and most importantly
- Learn to laugh about the things you can't control.
- The hardest thing for me but the one that instantly made the stress manageable was learning to shake my head and smile when things went south.
- - Four of the ten staff on the team are out? Guess the day will feel shorter since we'll be on it all day.
- - Kiddo has a bathroom accident on the field? I'll get to spend some extra time outside today and get some sun.
- - Student goes for an impromptu swim in a puddle? Isn't it great how people find joy in the small things, time to call parents for some extra clothes.
- - Ka boom boom right before dismissal for the day? Unexpected overtime will pay for my fast food on the way home.
Admittedly this was with a fantastic team so I didn't have many interpersonal stresses so that helped, but even amazing team members can be stressful.
Take care of yourself
Man, this post was a Rollercoaster. Thanks BP! I hope you are doing good.
Hey! I don’t miss those days.. Tip! Start by setting clear boundaries in availability… even lie and say you are taking classes if need be. (Or actually sign up)
With the dedicated time off you will *hopefully* start feeling like you can think clearly. It also feels like an “FU” to the establishment… even though asking for 24 hours to yourself shouldn’t have anyone feeling guilty 🙄
“No” is a complete sentence. So is “I am not available “. Explanations about your personal time are PERSONAL question.
Turn your phone off in the evenings and weekends.
Avoid alcohol. It just makes it worse.
That's all I have really. I never conquered my toxic job and it took me 4 years to recover from it.
I have an iPhone and set up focuses for work and home life. Certain apps get disabled (work apps), certain people get silenced for calls and text convos get hidden. Can be set up based on time or location settings. Has done wonders for me.
One day while at a job like that I just stopped giving a s**t. It became my favorite job afterwards. I had a crazy boss and toxic coworkers but when I stopped caring and pandering to them everything improved. They were still s****y but you know its hard to replace people and when your shackles of fear break you will see theirs.
Pandering to people is a sign to some people that they can take advantage of you or (worse) bully you. I am working to stop being a people-pleaser; and am happy with the results.
I had a job that fit that exact description in the DC area for 5yrs… f**k it was exhausting. Leaving was painful because the mission was/is important and I was great at the job but getting out was also the best thing that ever happened to me personally and professionally.
Eyes on the prize… leverage your experience to land a better gig.
Good luck.
Start smoking cigs.
Just kidding, try to make friends at work. Having coworkers that you can talk, joke around with, share your experiences, etc. They make all the difference. In really difficult jobs, the working groups become tight, and it is like a "family", as much as I hate saying that in a professional setting.
I'm lucky to have a good work friend - someone to b***h about work to lol.
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Here’s what I learned : they pay me to be enthusiastic about whatever they want that week. It might change next week or it might not. So whatever it is, I’m all for it. I also spend time structuring my work to do as little as possible while getting the most credit I can (but not on the backs of my colleagues, I work independently). It’s a good life.
Here’s what I learned : they pay me to be enthusiastic about whatever they want that week. It might change next week or it might not. So whatever it is, I’m all for it. I also spend time structuring my work to do as little as possible while getting the most credit I can (but not on the backs of my colleagues, I work independently). It’s a good life.
