Someone Asks Women Who Refused To Marry Or Have Kids How Life Has Been, And They Deliver 30 Honest Responses
At some point in our lives, women just get tired of parents asking when you’ll give them grandchildren, or your friends questioning when you and your partner will tie the knot. The pressure to commit to entrenched social expectations and gender stereotypes is real, and it does little good if any.
Meanwhile, more and more women are willing to take the choices of their lives into their own hands, something that essentially belongs to them. This Reddit thread shared on the Ask Women community shows a glimpse into how things are going for these women. “Women who didn't follow the social norm of getting married & having kids—what are you doing instead?” asked Redditor -Penguin_Anxiety- and the responses started pouring in.
Below we selected some of the most illuminating ones that show how rewarding it can be to live your life as you want, and not as you're told to.
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I’m single with no children. I just booked a trip to NYC and one to Mexico in the summer, and planning a trip to Europe for the fall. I’m thinking about getting a second masters degree and after seeing these responses, I’m thinking why the hell not?
I have money and time to pursue my interests and because of that, I’ve gotten to know exactly who I was. It turns out I like me a lot.
Bored Panda spoke with Catdogbird29, a childfree and single woman who shared her experience in response to this thread on the Ask Women subreddit. She wrote: “I’m single with no children. I just booked a trip to NYC and one to Mexico in the summer, and am planning a trip to Europe for the fall. I’m thinking about getting a second masters degree and after seeing these responses, I’m thinking 'why the hell not?'” She also added that she has money and time to pursue her interests and because of that, she has gotten to know exactly who she is. “It turns out I like me a lot,” the woman added.
“I think there is a lot of societal pressure for women to get married,” Catdogbird29 told us. “The message that marriage and kids = happiness is literally everywhere in our lives, from the media, friends, and family. I felt growing up that my life would not be complete unless I got married and had kids, and it led me to make some decisions that were not in my best interest.”
Having said that, the woman believes that society is changing. “It is becoming more acceptable for women to stay single and childless, but there is still considerable pressure to ‘settle down.’”
Living many lives. I was a morning baker at a corner bakery in a small town. I was a stripper in a big urban city. I was a roadie for a punk rock band. I was a manager in a large packaging warehouse. Now I'm a budtender at my corner potshop. I dont like a place? I get up and move across the country, sleep in my car until I find a job. I want to live a bunch more lives. I love the freedom and never want to give a shred of it up.
It sounds amazing, however I don't envy your lifestyle. I love freedom, but I'd feel lost not 'belonging' somewhere (that's from my perspective!). Reading this does tickle my travel-muscles though :D
I'm 60, never got married, never had kids. What have I done instead? Lived my best life. It's been fantastic, so far.
Had a successful career. Launched a successful second career in my 40s. Retired early (which I never could have done with a spouse and children). Travelled all over the world when I was younger. Indulged all my hobbies (reading, quilting, cooking, gaming).
As someone else so aptly put it: Whatever the f**k I want.
The Redditor also said that she learned that she likes being single and she generally doesn’t feel a lot of need to be in a relationship. “I realized after a bad breakup that I stayed in the relationship for so long because I felt like I ‘had to’ and I would be ‘unhappy’ if I wasn’t in a relationship. I felt worse when I thought I would ‘run out of time’ to have kids.”
Moreover, “It didn’t help that I didn’t have women in my life that were happy single, and I watched as they made compromise after compromise to make their male partners happy at their own expense. I thought this was just the way it was for women. Then, as I was healing from my breakup, I realized I was far happier on my own than I ever was when I was dating or in a relationship,” she said.
I got married but I'm not ever having kids. My husband worked from home today and we drank margaritas in bed and booked a holiday. Aside from having the responsibility of a dog I pretty much do exactly what I want to. I'm aware some of that privilege comes from money, rather than not having kids, but not having them has afforded me an incredible amount of freedom and peace
Rescuing animals. Have my own business. I read a lot. Pursue art. Wake up whenever I want. Go on long travel trips with my friends.
Maybe just me but as a child of abuse I think it’s selfless to decide not to have kids. It was a nightmare to be raised by two selfish people who shouldn’t have procreated. I wanted my son bcuz I vowed to break the cycle and happily gave him a real childhood. Some choose to forgo that work. You never know if there’s more to their choice to be childless. Respect their decision.
Get 4 degrees (2masters and 1 Ph.D.), buy a house, move whenever I want for a better job opportunity or a promotion, relax after work, and on the weekend coz I can have a full night sleep.
I was married which was unfortunate.
Catdogbird29 confessed that the quality of her life improved a lot after her breakup. “I no longer had to care for another person or make compromises about anything. What movie do I want to watch? What groceries do I want to buy? Where do I want to go for vacation? All my decisions.” Moreover, the woman started trying new hobbies and eating healthier. “My stress levels have dropped now that I’m single. I don’t see the same in my friends and family with kids.”
She believes that women in general take on so much of a mental workload when it comes to maintaining a relationship and care for children. “We hand ourselves over to make other people happier and we neglect ourselves and it isn’t fair. Society expects women to sacrifice for their husbands and children,” the Redditor explained. Although not all relationships have to be like this, Catdogbird29 said she doesn’t see equal partnerships modeled anywhere, “even among my friends and family that insist their relationships are different.”
Living my best life? I always wanted kids, but I have been unlucky in love and having children is not something I want to do on a solo salary with me as the only caretaker. Unfortunately, the older I get the less patience I have with men. I have stopped dating during the pandemic and I don’t know if I will ever start up again! I have so many hetero friends in unhappy marriages where the women work full time, run the household, and are basically the only children caregiver. There are so many memes about married men acting like giant children so I feel I may have dodged a bullet. I’m sad I won’t get to be a mom, but i think it’s for the best. I don’t want to “raise” an adult or be disrespected by a man who is perfectly capable in the workplace but decides to tune me out in the running of our home.
So I do what I want and I’m really freaking happy. I own my own home, I have two degrees, I take lots of trips with my friends, have hobbies, love my job and coworkers, and dote on my nieces. It’s a great life!
49 here. Self employed massage therapist, make my own hours, my own house, and make enough money to keep my 3 feline gluttons fat and happy. I’m solidly lower middle class with my income and I would be absolutely screwed if I had kids. The odds of single parenthood were just too high and I wasn’t willing to chance it. No regrets here.
Eating chips and watching tv at 3am. I will wake up around 1pm tomorrow. I will go to my job as a bartender at 5pm tomorrow. By the end of the week I will joke that I'm tired of partying. But I won't actually be - I'm gonna dance to a DJ and destroy my ear drums this weekend, like I do every weekend.
This whole post is making a lot of people uncomfortable by making them question their choices.
“I think the most common misconception about childfree and unmarried women is that we are bitter and jealous of our parent/married friends and family,” Catdogbird29 told us and added that she’s not at all. “I only want my loved ones to be happy and fulfilled and if that means getting married and having kids then I am happy for them. I will gladly hang out with you and your spouse, or babysit your kids for you. My friends are my friends regardless of their relationship status.”
Another misconception about childfree and single women is that they are lonely. “I’m not at all. I’m introverted by nature so I love my alone time. Sure, sometimes I wish I had a partner but I’ve seen just as many women desperate to get a moment of peace in their day. I know there are plenty of women that are bitter, jealous, and lonely, but I would encourage them to find whatever they are looking for in other people in themselves instead.” The Redditor wants to remind everyone that “You are a whole person. There is no 'other half' out there for you.”
Being a full person who isn't defined by what she provides for other people?
Enjoying a free and happy solo life, travelling around, working for myself, publishing my own books and not answering to anyone else. I’ve never wanted children because I knew it would curtail my freedom. I’m 54 with no regrets (apart from an eight-year marriage in my thirties).
I've worked full time in my career for 13 years. My master's degree helped that one out.
I became a homeowner at 21. I'm 38 now and am on my 3rd owned house.
I had a hysterectomy in 2020, so this whole "child free" thing is permanent.
I have a roommate; not because I need help paying bills, but because it makes my house more lively and I like the company.
I bought all the stuff to make an awesome home gym that I use 5x a week.
I do want a marriage, but am definitely not willing to settle for less than what I can already give myself. My quality of life will not diminish when I agree to be in a marriage.
Just curious as it's none of my business, but I conclude from this that they started working in their career field at 25 - how were you able to afford a house at 21?? Even if they worked in a different field before that?
I just bought my dream house a month ago and got a better job making more than double what I was making with a huge bonus. That would have never happened if I would have gotten married/ had kids with the man I was supposed to marry ( I called off the wedding and split).
I can pretty much do whatever I want to do.
My bf ( not the guy I was supposed to marry) and I go exploring all the time. We just pick a trail on the map we haven't done yet, leash the dogs, and go.
I also love dancing and can easily get prettied up, pick a dress, and hit the dance floor. Anything from ballroom to club I fit right in and have so much fun. I couldn't do that if I had kids.
I love having the freedom to literally just do whatever pops in my head.
My parents had 13 kids and that put me off having kids. I've raised enough of them already.
I have traveled to 20+ countries solo. Live in a poppin part of the city, bought a white couch, a luxury car, plan to retire early…but the most important thing I do is work remotely so I can visit my amazing nephews as often as I wish. I didn’t ‘choose’ to not follow the social norm of getting married/having kiddos, I’ve just dated piles of garbage that inherently prevented that from happening. Then one day I looked in the mirror and turned 40, so I suppose I’m now too late to the bio-kids party. Oh well!!!!
Working on my second and third bachelors and then onto a Ph.D. in political science with an emphasis on women's rights to get down to fixing this s**t for all of us.
Staying with my long term boyfriend for life. We may get married. We may not. I kinda just want to be engaged forever lol (and I want to get him an engagement ring too!)
We’re never having kids. Instead, we plan on traveling the world! And focusing on our careers and hobbies.
Good plan if it works for you. Staying with a long term significant other can bring questions of “we’ve been together forever why not get married?”but also “we are doing just fine so why get married”. Answer those questions however you want, just be 100% sure the other person is on the same page.
Going to law school, taking care of my parents and focusing on my mental health. I’m very happy doing it and am just now beginning to accept that I don’t have to follow everyone’s expectations. There’s no reason to sacrifice your happiness making decisions that nobody but you will have to live with forever.
Yes, this. Screw society's vision of how our lives should be like. It's our life, and our happiness that's at stake. Nothing against being a happy momma, but to have a conventional/traditional life due to external pressure, and to fulfill the expectations of others? To feel externally accepted, while feeling empty of joy and remorseful inside? Hell no.
Currently, I’m drinking coffee and watching the sun rise. My house is on a mountain and I have a beautiful view. Also, I bought this house with cash.
On Friday I’m leaving for Vegas for a quick weekend trip.
Did I mention I quit my job a month ago because I didn’t feel like working there anymore? I started a new job this week but it was nice to take a month off to finish my office renovation.
I have a job which I actually like, party with friends, go alone on holidays, hookup and live my best life without a screaming poop monster holding me down.
Work a fulfilling career, volunteer at a wildlife rescue center, travel, cook, read, play the guitar, enjoy time with my fiancé and friends whenever I feel like it, regularly exercise, have frequent sex, invest my extra time and money into my health and skincare routine, sleep in, have spa days once a week, donate money to charity, hike, bike, ski, camp, and going dancing.
These are a few of the things I do instead of having kids lol
This one reminds me of the Dear Abby article I read as a kid: "pity the poor childless couple, she slaving to pour another mai tai as he lovingly puts sun lotion on her back..."
I did get married, but no kids. I'm about to start a PhD in aerospace!
Moving to different states, changing careers because I feel like it, living a reasonably good life on 30k, and enjoying a banquet of men. I'm almost 50 and I have never felt I was missing out. A marriage of less than 3 years gave me a taste of that white picket fence life, and it's not for me.
Currently helping my sister raise her kid! She's a single mom by choice and I feel like I'm getting the best of both worlds right now. I love watching my nephew grow up and I feel like it's completely satisfying any maternal urges I have. And at the end of the day I still have my freedom and independence.
I'm an auntie to two fantastic nephews and a fantastic niece. I've been their Friday babysitter since the oldest (now 7) was 3 months old so I've seen them grow up. They act up and can be stroppy as kids can be but they are adorable --- but I don't have to pay for more than the occasional banana. I get the best of kids who know and love me, but no broken nights and depleted bank account.
I’m building my dream home - an eclectic little tiny house on the water, that I’ll never have to share.
I got a PhD, traveled, lost weight got mentally healthy, focused on myself, then found the love of my life and now we are building a dream house and planning a future without kids. Maybe we will get another dog.
Halfway to a paid off house, living with my animals, successful in my career, dating someone that may or may not develop in to something long term.
There are more pros than cons for me to not being married with kids (and possibly divorced) in my 40s.
I live with my best friend, and it's f**king awesome.
Getting two degrees, working my a** off at a job I genuinely love even it's intense and stressful! I'm also helping my parents as they get older, building a bunch of furniture, writing silly s**t to unwind, and chilling with my cats.
I did have a very brief period of being married (which I didn't tolerate for long).
Seventy-one here. Can never recall wanting kids, didn't even play with dolls. No desire to be married, but the exact right man came into my life, four years after I had a hysterectomy andhe was good with a state of childlessness. Got two degrees went to the top in two careers and I'm booking hotels for summer in Europe. And to His Holiness, yeah, no kids, just dogs and I'm selfish--bite it.
Living alone, loving my independence. My home is full of art, plants, and I have many hobbies.
I would be miserable as a wife and mother. It was just never going to be the life for me!
I'm a pilot, I have been wanting to for years since I was young. I also despise kids so that was out of the question. Instead I have many animals as I love them.
I married fairly young (24) but we are openly childfree. I'm also the breadwinner and my husband works parttime and does almost all the household stuff.
I get to spend my evenings doing whatever I want. Playing games, chilling my my husband, going out and seeing friends.
Everything parents did before they had kids? I just kept doing that.
Being gay, kicking goals, going to travel in the near future,
Oh, and im disapointing my parents.
Everything disallowed by nap schedules, diaper genies, bed/bath routines, potty training, paying for childcare, school pickups/drop offs, homework, attitude, Driver’s Ed, endless sporting or performance practices/games/events, or the never ending/omnipresent f**king CONSTANT NOISE……….and that’s not to touch on the insane financial drain, psychotic exhaustion, resentment of spouse who I likely only married because of the kids, reminders of a so-called “biological clock”, and ruining your life and bending to the ever-present entitlement for a little person who you will definitely love but may or may not even like very much. PASS.
I’m well-rested and my Roth IRA is well-fed. ;)
I found out I was asexual and I'm still trying to figure stuff out but what I can tell you is that happiness comes from cats not relationships 💜
I also don’t feel the calling for marriage. I love my boyfriend and we’ve mentioned weddings/marriage, but neither of us is particularly driven to get married just to idk be married? Lol
We own a house and have three pets together so we’re pretty official already. I’ve explained it to my friends before but I don’t mind the term girlfriend or fiancée, and I love looking at engagement rings and wedding inspo boards, but I just don’t really see myself falling under the “wife” label. I kind of hate the word, probably because I tie it in with mother, as the world tends to say wife & mother, and I do not want to be anyone’s mother.
So maybe we’ll get married and he can be my husband and I can be his partner or his lady-husband, who knows what the future has in store!
Taking naps whenever I want haha no, seriously living life to the fullest,which includes a lot of eating out at restaurants, going on dates with all kind of different interesting exciting men, having spontaneous parties and weekend spa getaways with friends or just randomly treating myself with some shopping.
37, single. Got a couple cats. Couple of bongs. Sleep when I want, eat when/what I want and buy myself whatever I want.
Running my own businesses, collecting English bulldogs, going on vacations whenever I feel like it, enjoying the complete silence and solitude for most of my days (except when the dogs get going, but even then I would take that over the stress (being a parent) and bulls**t (being a wife) on any given day.
Raising lots of plant babies. Still very rewarding. Adopting and buying from the marketplace or local sellers. Still a bit on the budget, definitely finicky but they aren’t as noisy so I’m pretty satisfied. The cats don’t always enjoy new additions as they bite, scratch or swat but I think they will get used to it in time.
I am married but no kids. I raise and spoil my 5 cats and raise foster kittens. I spend the rest of my time gardening.
Learning new languages. learning new skills like web design, graphic design, painting, etc.
Learning bass guitar, learning to enjoy/ enjoying myself as a hooman, and healing generational trauma. There's much more, however, that's a start.
That point of generation trauma - I think it´s has to do a lot with childfree people. We just want time to heal and don´t want to bring new people in that circle of suffering.
Laying in bed at 9:30am. Wondering if I going to sleep more or get up now.
According to my dad, living in sin, but enjoying my time child-less.
My education, work and basically whatever i feel like doing without someone suffocating me.
Just chilling, I got great friends and family, I got my own house, got a job I enjoy that pays well enough that I can do what i want when I want without having to think of anyone else. I’m 32 now if I meet someone and settle and have family then great but for now I’m not looking for anything and I’m happy just doing me.
Moving to South America with my hot private chef boyfriend and traveling around the world until I don’t feel like it anymore.
I spend my time on hobbies and friends! I play in my local municipal orchestra, paint, embroider, play d&d, learn shibari and other related skills, cook/bake, read for leisure, and play animal crossing. I plan trips, which can include challenging/long hikes, wine/beer tastings, and honestly last minute activities - those things are either difficult or not possible with children on vacation.
I have a large, wonderful circle of friends I spend a lot of time with. I have a job I like most of the time. I used to travel a lot, before the pandemic.
Partner and I both work full time and have 4 holidays planned this year with various family. We go out to eat a lot and enjoy spending time with our siblings and many nieces and nephews.
We rise at whatever time we want at the weekend and if nothing planned, take a walk in the local nature reserve, stop at the café for breakfast. It's a nice life.
Working on an MA and planning to get another one. Climbing up the corporate ladder. Working on my hobbies. The usual.
Traveling, starting a business, building my dream house, cultivating relationships. I am getting married to a wonderful woman but both of us are older and have similar goals. The not having children thing is really what’s helped accomplish so much. Not a lot of support for parents in modern times. I’m not willing to carve pieces of myself out to have a mini-me.
I’m on my 4th U.S. passport, my 6th album of original music, friends all over the continent, most parents don’t want me around their kids since I represent a life completely opposite from their parents and a conservative life. Love cats, good food, great company. There are slow times, but very little down time. No matter when I’m asked what I have been doing or what I will do, have I ever answered, “Nothing.”
Travelling with my partner or chilling home with a bottle of wine and two cats. The absolute freedom is the best part of being child free. I can not do laundry or wash dishes for 3 days and nobody cares. Being able to just do whatever you want during your spare time is priceless. We get to be selfish and just make ourselves and each other happy. It's also less stress in general because we are two self sufficient individuals who happen to love each other so if anything happened we would be ok. We don't depend on anyone and nobody depends on us either.
Riding motorcycles, going on vacations, and accumulating neat stuff to share with my partners.
I resent the implication that being single or at least childfree automatically means we're all well off financially. Many of these posts describe women who are also very privileged. Being a homeowner at 21? Nothing to do with being single and childless. Traveling the world? I work full time and have neither the money nor the time for that. Fantastic if it works out well for them, but please don't generalize. I for one have too many people around me who assume that I sleep on bags of gold and that I can do whatever I want whenever I want. Nope, not even close - and I like my life in general.
Exactly. I do not have children and I cant work so I literarly have food and a roof solely because my partner pays for it. We struggle a lot living with only one salary..
Load More Replies...Men always make out as if it's women who want to get married and do the whole settling down thing, but the reality is that is actually men who want to do it. Witness the uprise in men who demand that women be made available to them and who say that women have 'too many rights'. The whole system of coupledom works a lot better for men than it does women, and always has.
Or it's both? Depends on the person. I know men who have no interest in marriage and kids. I know women who have no interest. I know men who want kids, and I know women who wants kids. There's no rule. I know a woman who adopted well into her forties and is now a single mom. Everyone's different.
Load More Replies...Most of these have to do with having money, which of course you have less when you have kids. But the benefits that they list are all about money, and since I'm broke, I think I'll have kids then haha. Just kidding :)
Single childfree people in my country pay waaaayyyy more taxes than couples with or without kids. This is really frustrating and actually quite discriminating.
Load More Replies...I resent the implication that being single or at least childfree automatically means we're all well off financially. Many of these posts describe women who are also very privileged. Being a homeowner at 21? Nothing to do with being single and childless. Traveling the world? I work full time and have neither the money nor the time for that. Fantastic if it works out well for them, but please don't generalize. I for one have too many people around me who assume that I sleep on bags of gold and that I can do whatever I want whenever I want. Nope, not even close - and I like my life in general.
Exactly. I do not have children and I cant work so I literarly have food and a roof solely because my partner pays for it. We struggle a lot living with only one salary..
Load More Replies...Men always make out as if it's women who want to get married and do the whole settling down thing, but the reality is that is actually men who want to do it. Witness the uprise in men who demand that women be made available to them and who say that women have 'too many rights'. The whole system of coupledom works a lot better for men than it does women, and always has.
Or it's both? Depends on the person. I know men who have no interest in marriage and kids. I know women who have no interest. I know men who want kids, and I know women who wants kids. There's no rule. I know a woman who adopted well into her forties and is now a single mom. Everyone's different.
Load More Replies...Most of these have to do with having money, which of course you have less when you have kids. But the benefits that they list are all about money, and since I'm broke, I think I'll have kids then haha. Just kidding :)
Single childfree people in my country pay waaaayyyy more taxes than couples with or without kids. This is really frustrating and actually quite discriminating.
Load More Replies...