Toxic Masculinity Deems These 30 Normal And Healthy Behaviors ‘Unmanly,’ Yet People Online Think Otherwise
Any grownup should have a wide range of skills at their beck and call. Everyone should know how to take care of themselves and their loved ones, whether it’s just another mundane day or an actual emergency. Stuff like knowing how to sew on a button, cooking a meal that’s more sophisticated than making cereal, taking care of your verdant garden (and what not to do, say, if you come across a bear).
Unfortunately, some people still divide up some activities and behaviors according to gender, based on some pretty ambiguous assumptions. This idea sparked a discussion online after redditor u/international_red07 asked everyone to share some “unmanly” things that are actually the opposite. Scroll down to read what people had to say about this.
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I have a beard that would make sasquatch jealous. I like scotch whiskey, Dominican cigars, and American motorcycles. I worked most of my adult life as an ironworker. But none of that is the manly part:
When my daughter was 3 to about 6 or 7, it was common for me to go to work with my nails painted every color of the rainbow.
Letting your little girl paint your nails is manly as f**k, gentlemen.
Supporting women's rights. Real men don't need to control women.
The idea of controling another human being is disgusting in any form
If someone tells you something is “unmanly”, tell them a real man would be secure enough in their manliness to not give a s**t what they think.
"It's not for men ? Well, i'm a man and i'm doing it, what else do you need for it to be manly ?"
It’s really peculiar to realize that some everyday tasks get stuck with labels like “manly” or “unmanly.” We’re talking about basic skills that help someone be self-sufficient.
Everyone needs to eat, so you’d better learn how to cook and bake. You might need to mend your clothes, so knowing how to use a needle-and-thread simply makes sense. Who doesn’t enjoy watching their vegetable garden thrive? And why should someone’s gender determine whether or not they should like singing or dancing as a hobby? Someone’s gender doesn’t come into it—these are all very human things to do.
Ordering a fruity drink.
“A real man orders a beer!”
No, a real man orders whatever the f**k he wants.
When I was a kid I was once at a clothing store and I saw a pink men’s shirt. I said out loud “what kind of men wear pink shirts???” and my mom said “secure men”. For some reason that always stuck with me.
"NOTHING IS MORE BADASS THAN TREATING A WOMAN WITH RESPECT"
-MR. TORGUE
When you start attaching gender to these activities and skills, you end up making everyone less independent. At the same time, you put people under a lot of pressure to ‘conform’ to how their social circle or culture views masculinity and femininity. Now imagine the stress someone has to deal with when they’re faced with entirely different cultural expectations when they move somewhere else or join a new social circle.
Objectively, boiling an egg (cooking) isn’t manly or unmanly. Neither is moving your feet (dancing), using your vocal cords (singing), or watering flora (gardening). However, our surroundings, family, and upbringing shape how we perceive these activities.
I had guys tell me it's unmanly to use/carry an umbrella.
Those wet, insecure bastards can go screw themselves!
Being an attentive and involved father. I can change a diaper one handed and I'm proud of that fact.
Let's give a shout out to all the fathers who don't call spending time with their kids "babysitting"!! 🙌🙌
According to a 2006 study done by The Pennsylvania State University, the social rules of gender continue to play “a prominent role” in leisure activities like sports. The researchers found that “girls experience greater social latitude in their sport participation than boys.” In other words, society sees it as more acceptable for women to participate in masculine activities than the reverse.
“Girls and women are at less risk for gender stigma if they pursue masculine activities than boys and men if they pursue feminine activities. This may be due to a higher social value and status assigned to masculine activities and the efforts on the part of girls and women to gain respect by achieving in a traditionally masculine field,” they write.
Broadly speaking, boys and men who stray from masculine norms raise questions about their masculinity. So they have less flexibility when it comes to participating in “unmanly” sports and recreational activities.
Sewing. When you're stuck on a boat in the Pacific during WWII, you'd better know how to stich up your own uniform. Source: both of my grandfathers.
I love growing flowers, sewing, cooking, baking, and other activities that are viewed by some as "girly" activities. I also love traditionally manly things like fishing, building furniture, mowing my lawn, etc.
A long time ago I was upset by some of my friends ribbing me for liking to do "girly" things. My dad handled this by teaching me that the manliest thing a man can do is "whatever the hell he wants".
These are some of the best stress-relief activities. I pity those who do none of it
Buying feminine products for your SO. I have no shame buying tampons or pads when I do the grocery shopping, which is always. Men that get all embarrassed or won’t do it are the “unmanly” ones.
Many of these issues are rooted in social expectations. To oversimplify things a bit, men are expected to never be perceived as vulnerable, weak, or soft. They’re also pushed to be aggressive and competitive. These are traits that some interpret to be examples of toxic masculinity.
Healthy masculinity, on the other hand, is exemplified by self-reflection, embracing emotions (whatever they might be) instead of repressing them, and being comfortable with having one’s opinions challenged.
I heard cooking for your family labeled as unmanly due to men wearing an apron around a gas stove, by the same people who grill for their family while wearing an apron around a gas grill.
I like cooking for my family, there are even some dishes my wife won't cook because they are my speciality :-)
My friends were amazed at how I "allowed" some drunk guy talk to my girlfriend for like 10 minutes at a festival. Bro, why the f**k would I care, she didn't seem distressed and enjoyed the conversation and I'm not insecure. She'd tell me/let me know if she was uncomfortable and needed help. I don't feel threatened, I have nothing to proof and my girlfriend is not some possesion I need to protect from other men.
Going up to the guy and doing whatever just makes you seem to radiate insecurity to me. Not manliness.
I was at my local pub, and a woman came in with her guy friend (I didn't make assumptions about their relationship). I loved her tattoos and wanted to compliment her on them. I checked with both her guy friend and her if either one minded. Neither did.
Holding your friends accountable and calling them out when they’re being a d**k towards women or just in general.
My partner called out one of his friends for making racist jokes with a group of buddies. Not sure if the friendship is the same but damn, am I proud of him. That kind of conviction is hot as hell.
Hygiene and cleanliness. I live on my own and I love having a clean and neat house.
Wearing sunscreen. Nothing looks dumber than a guy who’s so afraid to seem “girly” that he gets turned into a lobster.
Skin cancer isn't pretty. I know a few people who have had this. Sometimes people go to the doctor because they have a sore or a cut from shaving that just won’t heal, which turns out to be a basal cell cancer. Use sunscreen - even if you tan easily.
Being gay. I mean u are a man and you like man's. What could be more manly
Ballet. Those dudes are strong!
Several football coaches make their players take ballet. The flexibility, core strength, and leg strength ballet does for men is ridiculous.
I’ve always been more attracted to “manly” but smart and funny. I was dating an honorably discharged marine who is now a pastry chef for maybe 2 weeks when I mentioned he’s the best of both worlds. He’s manly and strong but also smart and gentle. His response: “I know. I built this narrative.” Known each other for 14yrs, dated for 7, married for 5. Absolutely in love.
Cooking, cleaning, folding laundry, being good with kids, being patient, crying, hugging your good guy friends
When my dad was a kid, a bully told him to meet him after school for a beating. Dad simply never showed up and went directly home instead.
Crying; men can have feelings, too!
Walking away from a physical fight, instead of getting involved/the whole “I could put you in hospital but I won’t” nonsense. A true “alpha”, if you must use that word, doesn’t need to assert his dominance like that.
Except for my brothers, I’ve never been in a physical fight. A little proud of that.
Load More Replies... Well, this man will never back down, take the high road, or let bygones be bygones if you're being an abusive a*****e to a woman, child, or animal. I will absolutely beat the breaks of another man for doing so.Then I'll call the cops. 😉
Or you could call the cops immediately and not play judge and jury. I appreciate the sentiment, but meeting violence with violence rarely solves anything.
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bonus points: dragging a drunken friend away from a fight. sometimes people need help with clear thinking, especially where alcohol is involved.
Many words here, many. Most of them asserting their alphas. Ancient Chinese sage said: the best battle is that which never was. Think of it. For the advanced the other side if the advance: A clever person would try to think, foresee, solve, avoid the problem. An idiot will rush with fists. Look at Putin.
I walk away even from verbal arguments, just keep going and ignore whoever is shouting at me.
Easiest way to tell a male is not "alpha": They refer to themselves as "alpha".
Or they feel like they simply *have* to challenge anything with a pulse to a fight, in order to prove one point or another.
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"the mother of the one who left has never mourned" goes a saying in Greece.
I have this theory that the alpha archetype is really of an insecure man. True secure men don’t need to put others down to assert their masculinity.
No one ever talks about the effects of an assault but often injuries are permanent
Alphas play it with Brains, not brawns. Ever seen the intricacies of a Pack or Pride on Nat Geo/ Animal Planet?
I had a dinner with a lawyer and a scaffolder (and others). Both of them clearly ranked all the others, and clearly thought of themselves as the only 'alpha' present. It was... hilariously and tensely deranged. [Obviously, I was the only real alpha.]
It is harder to not fight then to fight. but the consquences of the harder are easier on you and everyone you love
🎶 Promise me son not to do the things I've done. Walk away from trouble if you can. Now it won't mean you're weak if you turn the other cheek I hope you're old enough to understand Son your don't have to fight to be a man 🎶
The best combatants know both how to fight and when (and where) to not fight.
Is it manly that I have no muscles and could be snapped like a twig
There's always someone bigger. I've never been in a fight, so I might be just as breakable. The key is to have the wit and wisdom to walk away. Fighting is a failure, not a win.
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If somebody said that, I generally punch them. Patience and peace and all those are great. I hate fights and I'll walk away from 4/5 fights. but seriously guys, sometimes standing up for yourself is manly too.
Gardening.
I've also been called a homosexual by multiple other guys for saying I like gardening.
I'm always amazed how homophobes can't tell the difference between "gay", "not manly" and "feminine".
Taking care of your skin. I hate how some of the guys I work with and serve with (I'm in the army) give me s**t for using products for my face and skin. But they also wonder why I get told I look like I'm 25 even though I'm almost 36. Because I take care of my body.
Personally, I only use a special type of cream as an aftershave, but if a guy told me he used multiple skin care products, I wouldn't care either way. Use an angle grinder if you like. I still don't care.
Respecting boundaries.
Note: this post originally had 75 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
Discussing buying new family cars with my silly male cousin-in law when he says “Well, a [model] would be great, but then I’d have to get a handbag and get my hair done all the time”. I responded with “Yeah, we were thinking about a [model] as well, but fortunately my husband is secure enough in his masculinity not to have to rely on a car to reinforce it”. It sounded a bit rude at the time but seriously, I’m sick of that guy’s s**t (anti-vaxxer, evolution-denier, homophobe)
@lolly good response. Only rude if they take themselves that seriously - another toxic trait.
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the real problem with this is when they say "unmanly", they mean "feminine" and equate femininity with "bad". Nobody ever blasts women for being "unfeminine" the way they blast men. Why? Because being manly is viewed as better, even for women. Stop equating femininity with something lesser and then you wouldn't care if someone called you feminine.
There's a reason "run/throw/cry like a girl" is an insult to men. There's literally nothing worse to men than being compared to a woman. Our language reinforces the ways that women have barely even been seen as people up until VERY recently. When you compare a man to a woman you're essentially dehumanising them, like comparing them to an animal. The whole issue is that masculinity is built, not on positive traits, but on separating itself from what it deems negative and worthless, which is everything feminine.
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REAL MEN buy whatever the hell they want, even if it's pink or flowery, they respect people, and they are sensible, not acting like an alpha male
i guess i did something right when it came to raising my son. he is a big burly bearded guy and is very secure in himself. he treats women with respect and has no problem cooking, cleaning, etc. he is also a self described 'mama's boy' in that he is open about his affection towards me and always have been. i remember when he was in high school and he was leaving with his friends when he came over, gave me a kiss and told me he loved me and would miss me. a couple of the guys kind of giggled and he looked at them and said, 'what? don't you love your mom?' to which they said of course they did. then he told them he should tell them sometime other than when they were trying to wheedle something from her. kind of shocked me at the time but also made me realize that i had a very good relationship with my teen. does that mean he was perfect? far from it! he's now 43 and as i have jokingly told him - he can be a real a-hole but he is my a-hole.
WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE GET MAD about who you love, what you do and what you wear. All people of all genders should be able to be themselves. As long as they aren’t hurting themselves or anyone or anything else, just let people be happy! <3 (sorry for the rant but I’m so tired of people trying to enforce strict gender norms.)
Why is doing one thing or another deemed 'anything' anyway? One person 'toxicity' is another persons 'REAL MANLINESS'... Both seem equally stupid and just another MSM made up game of hypocrisy. Perhaps simply learning to respect others is needed, nothing more, nothing less?
Discussing buying new family cars with my silly male cousin-in law when he says “Well, a [model] would be great, but then I’d have to get a handbag and get my hair done all the time”. I responded with “Yeah, we were thinking about a [model] as well, but fortunately my husband is secure enough in his masculinity not to have to rely on a car to reinforce it”. It sounded a bit rude at the time but seriously, I’m sick of that guy’s s**t (anti-vaxxer, evolution-denier, homophobe)
@lolly good response. Only rude if they take themselves that seriously - another toxic trait.
Load More Replies... the real problem with this is when they say "unmanly", they mean "feminine" and equate femininity with "bad". Nobody ever blasts women for being "unfeminine" the way they blast men. Why? Because being manly is viewed as better, even for women. Stop equating femininity with something lesser and then you wouldn't care if someone called you feminine.
There's a reason "run/throw/cry like a girl" is an insult to men. There's literally nothing worse to men than being compared to a woman. Our language reinforces the ways that women have barely even been seen as people up until VERY recently. When you compare a man to a woman you're essentially dehumanising them, like comparing them to an animal. The whole issue is that masculinity is built, not on positive traits, but on separating itself from what it deems negative and worthless, which is everything feminine.
Load More Replies... REAL MEN buy whatever the hell they want, even if it's pink or flowery, they respect people, and they are sensible, not acting like an alpha male
i guess i did something right when it came to raising my son. he is a big burly bearded guy and is very secure in himself. he treats women with respect and has no problem cooking, cleaning, etc. he is also a self described 'mama's boy' in that he is open about his affection towards me and always have been. i remember when he was in high school and he was leaving with his friends when he came over, gave me a kiss and told me he loved me and would miss me. a couple of the guys kind of giggled and he looked at them and said, 'what? don't you love your mom?' to which they said of course they did. then he told them he should tell them sometime other than when they were trying to wheedle something from her. kind of shocked me at the time but also made me realize that i had a very good relationship with my teen. does that mean he was perfect? far from it! he's now 43 and as i have jokingly told him - he can be a real a-hole but he is my a-hole.
WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE GET MAD about who you love, what you do and what you wear. All people of all genders should be able to be themselves. As long as they aren’t hurting themselves or anyone or anything else, just let people be happy! <3 (sorry for the rant but I’m so tired of people trying to enforce strict gender norms.)
Why is doing one thing or another deemed 'anything' anyway? One person 'toxicity' is another persons 'REAL MANLINESS'... Both seem equally stupid and just another MSM made up game of hypocrisy. Perhaps simply learning to respect others is needed, nothing more, nothing less?
