Woman Shares How She Had To Lie To A Stranger About Her Parents Recently Dying To Teach Him Not To Require Smiles From Women
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You are going about your day, finishing errands, listening to music or trying to figure out what is the thing you can’t remember as you have a feeling you forgot something, and some random person tells you to smile. Even if you are in an uplifted mood, the last thing you want to do in such a situation is to smile.
This woman on Reddit shared how not only did she not want to smile, but she put the man who addressed her into his place creating a little story of a huge tragedy happening in her life, which left the intruder speechless.
More info: Reddit
Woman wanted to get revenge on a man who made her feel annoyed by telling her to smile and made him regret it
Image source: Brian Evans (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) shared her story to the Petty Revenge subreddit where people can rejoice “small victories over those who’ve wronged them.” Revolutionary_Ant209 said that she was walking and thinking about all the things she still had to do and what she could already cross off of her to-do list.
She described her face as being neutral, meaning she wasn’t smiling, because who does when they are running errands and rushing to finish them, but she wasn’t frowning, either.
However, a man heading towards her was of the impression the woman was in need of cheering up or wanted a woman to look at him pleasantly, so the only way he could think of saying so was “Smile, it could be worse.” When Bored Panda reached out to the woman and she revealed that she get such remarks regularly. Although, not every week, “but often enough for it to be a regular annoyance.”
Such a command, as if she was a dog who was told to sit, really triggered the OP, so she thought she would teach the man a lesson and quickly thought of a scenario where there’s no way someone would walk around smiling.
The OP said that she was just minding her own business with no particularly strong emotion expressed on her face
Image credits: Revolutionary_Ant209
When Revolutionary_Ant209 told the man that her parents got into a car accident and she lost both of them – a lie, but one that could possibly be someone’s actual life – the man was too stunned to speak, realizing how insensitive and unthoughtful his remark was and not finding something sensible to say. He turned around and walked away, clearly wanting to escape the situation as soon as possible.
The woman explained that she lied to the man because she is simply annoyed with people who think they can have control over others emotions because you never know what the other person is going through. If they are sad, they need to feel that emotion and overcome it in their way, on their terms and in the time they need to.
In the comments, the woman revealed that previously she just ignored such people, but after one man told her to smile the day after her middle brother took his life, it just sparks a rage in her. She talked about the situation in more details with us as well, “the day after I found out my brother took his own life, a man on the bus told me, ‘Smile, love, it might never happen’. It hit hard and I struggled to keep it together until I got to my stop. The moment the bus was gone I crumbled and burst into tears. And I’m sure the man meant well. He didn’t know my brother had died. But that’s the point – you don’t know.”
But a man approaching her thought she needed cheering up, so he tried to encourage her to smile, reminding her that it could be worse
Image credits: Revolutionary_Ant209
The anniversary of the woman’s brother’s death is nearing so she guesses that this was what prompted such a strong reaction at that moment, but she doesn’t think she did anything wrong, “I’d prefer he learn the potential consequences of what he said from me than somebody going through trauma who he might hurt with his words, whether he intended it or not. And he’s obviously not too traumatized because he wished me good morning a few days ago, and I’ve seen him chatting to passers by.”
She gave another example of a situation when there was no need to come up with a lie to teach the person requiring a smile a lesson, “Sometimes a comment meant well can hit the wrong way. My sister in law was even told ‘Cheer up, it’s not that bad’ when she was in hospital following a miscarriage at 22 weeks. She was devastated.”
Having had such experiences, the woman wasn’t surprised at how many people shared similar stories in the comments, but it saddened her nonetheless.
Image credits: Revolutionary_Ant209
Revolutionary_Ant209 was very active in the comments replying to people’s thoughts and she expanded on the topic of trying to cheer up someone by telling them to smile. She said that there is nothing wrong with striking up a conversation with a stranger, wishing them a good day, complimenting their outfit or even smiling at them, because it does actually make your day more pleasant.
She commented, “I don’t have an issue with anyone trying to spread the cheer or being friendly. I don’t even have an issue with people wanting to make people smile. But I think if you want somebody to smile, you should do something to make them smile. Pay them a compliment. tell a joke. And if you can’t think of anything to say to make them smile, sometimes just smiling at them works – smiles are contagious.”
What she has a problem with is that people try to cheer up others when they don’t know what they are going through in such a patronizing way. Also, it’s not necessary to be happy all the time.
Actually, she realised that the phrase the man told her was “harmful because it promotes toxic positivity. We can’t always be happy. Sometimes you need to be sad. Telling somebody to smile if they’re sad invalidates their feelings. It doesn’t allow them to process their feelings properly, which can lead to problems.”
It’s hard to image a scenario where invalidating someone’s feelings will make them feel better and smile, so the woman decided to teach the man a lesson
Image credits: Revolutionary_Ant209
It seems that being told to smile most often happens to women, especially when you look at the criticism towards famous women not smiling enough in the media. According to a survey conducted by Byte, 98 percent of women had been told to smile at least once in their life and 15 percent of them hear this demand at least once a week.
It happens most often in the workplace, but it’s quite common in public and even at home or during family gatherings. 62 percent of women say it’s at least slightly inappropriate to tell a woman she needs to smile and 56 percent of them indicated that the remark came from a man.
The survey also showed what emotions the women felt when they were told to smile more. The most common way women feel is demeaned; they are also annoyed, offended, angered and stressed. It may surprise someone, like the man from the story, but the most common reactions to being told to look more positive are negative.
She lied to him about her parents getting mortally injured in a car accident, suggesting she has nothing to smile about
Image credits: Revolutionary_Ant209
The reasons behind people wanting women to smile usually aren’t because they actually care about their well-being. According to Bustle, “The demands on women to smile are diverse, and usually signal broader demands on their energy and position: be docile, be acceptable, be accommodating to male desire, be polite, be subservient.”
Smiling makes people look more friendly and agreeable in general, but women are required to look like that a lot more frequently. As Women’s Health put it, when women do not conform to the script society has written them, they are corrected. And people who tell women to smile just lack empathy, not recognizing how offensive their request is.
The man couldn’t find the words to say and just left in a hurry
Image source: Sascha Kohlmann (not the actual photo)
It’s clear that being told to smile when you don’t feel like it or your face just looks like you’re sad or angry all the time when it’s relaxed isn’t pleasant. But it seems that it is harder to explain to people who make those demands how hurtful and disrespectful such language is than just create the worst scenario you can to make them feel bad for even talking to you.
How do you feel when you are told to smile? Where does it happen most often? What is your usual reaction? Do you ever try to teach the person to stop doing it? Let us know your thoughts and experiences in the comments!
Redditors thought the woman did everyone a favor and also shared their own experiences and feelings about being told to smile
Image source: Lira ♥ (not the actual photo)
People need to mind their business. When I was serving coffee and donuts for a living there would be people coming in in all sorts of emotional states. There was a lady that came in clearly upset, wearing big sunglasses. I didn't try to cheer her up or ask about it. For all I knew she was going to or coming from a funeral and just wanted something warm to drink and something sweet to eat, and I'm just behind the counter there to serve and ring up the transactions.
I once got told, :smile, you look like you are going to a funeral" I was on the way to my best friend's as he had killed himself the week before. I just said "I am" and held eye contact a little too long. The guy turned every shade of red possible, mumbled an apology and slunk off. I hope he learnt his lesson and never said it again.
I had someone say, "Where are you going? You look like you're dressed for a funeral." I was. My friend's mom had passed from cancer.
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When I still looked like a female I got the "you should smile more" all the time cause resting b*tch face or something. Nowadays it never happens. The weirdest one was when this dude in his 50's told me "Would it kill you to smile" as I was walking by with my bf. I was in obvious pain and trying to hold back a massive diarrhea so I must have looked like someone who's been stabbed. The bf asked me afterwards if some guys actually were stupid enough to comment like that. The answer is yes they deffo are and the smile comments are just a tip of the sh*tty iceberg
"But it annoys me when people think they have the right to dictate how people are feeling and what expressions to make" It's not "people", it's men doing it to women. It's sexist and disrespectful. No guy on this planet has ever told another random guy to smile more.
Your post needs to be up higher. I've NEVER had a woman tell me I should be smiling when I'm not, only men. Women generally ask "Are you OK?"
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Recently heard someone tell my (female) neighbor "Smile!" and she shot back, "You first." She's my new hero
No. It's pure misogyny. It's "women exist to be pleasant for men to look at."
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I once had a three people talk passive aggressively about "young people not being able to get off their phones" while looking in my direction, while I was on my phone on the metro. I was busy trying to distract myself from the fact that my son was lying sick in hospital. Being agitated as I was, I confronted them and they justified their behaviour by saying "everybody loses loved ones". He was sick but he wasn't dying, I don't even know where they got that from. I was absolutely livid and I made sure they knew.
This is something that happens to woman more often then men. I feel like man can’t stand not seeing smiling women so they say it thinking its ok. I remember being told this a few times when I was younger. Now my normal face is a half smile by habit.
The first time I was told to smile I was geeky 11 year old in my school uniform. The worst was across the street from the church where my beloved uncle’s funeral was still in progress and I was wearing all black (I had to keep stepping out because I was bawling uncontrollably). I screamed at and effed off that guy. The scariest and funniest was when I replied that “I don’t smile on command.” and the guy started shouting and cursing as he walked down the street ahead of me as people looked at him like he was crazy. I just smiled.
I don't have a resting b***h face, I have a resting axe murderer face that I think has saved me from this. Or it's not a thing in Finland.
Men telling me to smile has infuriated me my whole life. I started responding with things like "I was just diagnosed with cancer, thanks a$$hole" since I was like 19 or 20.
How to make people smile: Method 1: a lame joke Method 2: a compliment "oh killer sunglasses " "I love your scarf Method 3:smile at them briefly Method 4:don't be that guy *only apply if person is not reading or have headphones/earbuds in*
I used to work at a bank as a teller and the head teller made my life (and a few others) miserable because we were friendly with customers and some customers preferred us to her (she was not a happy person) One day, after having been berated by the head teller, I had a male customer at my window, and I processed his transaction while he tried to chat me up. When I went about business as business, he got angry that I wasn't responding to his chitchat. At the end, he tossed me (!) a quarter and told me to buy myself a smile. I ignored him then deposited it in his account because it's illegal for bank tellers to receive tips, and mailed him the deposit slip. I quit my job soon after.
TSA agent told me to smile at an airport once. I gave him an appalled face and told him I was flying home from my best friend's funeral, which was true. Men used to tell me to smile a lot until I hit an age where I wasn't so cute anymore. Never since. No one's just being nice when they order women to smile. I give my full support and endorsement to anyone who manufactures a fake tragedy when a stranger instructs them to smile.
In September 2000, my father died of a brain tumor. In January 2001, my mother died, also from a brain tumor. In August 2001 my husband left me and our two children (9 and 3 at the time) for another woman. So you could say I had a pretty bad year and a half. 3 weeks after my husband moved out, I went out with a friend for the first time in over 18 months. We went to a club. After a while a guy came over and said to me: why do you look so sad... tell me, it can't be that bad. I'll make you smile in no time So that's what I did... I told him EVERYTHING. He stopped smiling too pretty soon. At least he apologized and said he's sorry, that I've been through so much. He also got me a rather expensive cocktail, which was kinda nice.
Last week I saw a guy who seemed a bit unwell - leaning against a tree and heaving. In such a situation you don't tell them to 'smile' (and what percentage of men gets told this anyway?) you ask "you're ok, hun?" and accept whatever answer you get. Yes, even if the person screams at you "No, I'm not, my dog just died!", they know very well you just used a figure of speech. It's their pain talking, and you allow them this little bit of being human. And if they are in need of support, you give it. No ifs nor buts.
(All from a US cultural perspective) Heard these stories a lot and no, as someone who has passed as female, male, and everything in-between, I can tell you this is not just someone "being nice". Being nice would be respecting the person's space and, if truly concerned, asking if they are okay or need anything (if they seem receptive to conversation, don't talk to me if I have headphones on). Telling people to smile, particularly women, encourages their agreeableness and pacificity (which is expected of women as part of a male-dominated society to keep the status quo). I have literally taught colleges classes (not semesters) about these topics and it pains me to see how many people are still so lost on these topics and worse those who think they know better than history + science + individual experience + collective experience + concentrated cultural study because they want everyone to be friends and that positivity will just make all the problems go away
You should see some of the comments OP is getting with people calling her a b-word and that she is 'priviledged' and the man was 'just trying to make her happy' and she needs to 'get over herself'. It is scary how many people think this is okay and are actively bullying the OP. In fact I saw a comment where somebody said OP is a b-word because people who are going through trauma *need* some random to tell them to smile because they need cheering up. I am genuinely terrified by these people.
Load More Replies... I’ve been told “cheer up love it might never happen” but as I was just a teen I politely ignored it. In my 30s now… might get a different answer if they tried. I’ve only ever had this said to me by grown men too.
When my mom died, I was very much not okay for a solid year afterwards, and some asshat gate guard told me to smile when I was having an especially bad day. I very sarcastically asked if it was okay with him for me not to smile, given that my mom had died. He had no response, no other gate guards have told me to smile since, so I take that to mean it worked.
I havent been told this in a long time now, thankfully. I think my RBF has just enough "leave me the fück alone" to ward it off, however, the moment someone does say it to me again, I plan on giving them the most demented, psychotic, killer-doll-in-your-closet smile ever. Hopefully they wont ask anyone ever again
I have severe Resting B***h Face and generally look grumpy or pissed off. Someone once told me, "Don't look so grumpy, perk up a little!" Completely deadpan, I shot back: "My (nonexistent) cat just died. I got fired from my (nonexistent) part-time job. My sister was (not actually) diagnosed with severe autism, and my parents are running short on money (we aren't. We're fine.)" Th look on that brat's face was INCREDIBLE!
I have a resting B face. Guys tell me to "smile" a lot. At work. Sorry, I'm trying to get tickets out, prep, answer never ending amount of phone calls. Would like to tell them to stop and what they are asking/saying is rude. But since it's work...I just tell them "I'm preventing wrinkles" and walk away.
I've always wondered, is this purely an American phenomenon, telling absolute strangers to smile and be positive?
The OP is from the UK, so no, it's not. Also I'm from the UK and have been told by men to smile as well. So no. Not just a US thing.
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This happened to me a lot when I worked at Starbucks. I was switching to opening shifts after being on evening/ swing shifts my entire working life. So the first couple week were really rough and had little to zero sleep. My first few days opening were absolutely aweful. A regular customer, older male, would say to me every morning "oh why don't you smile, I bet you would look beautiful". I would just say "I don't feel like smiling" but I was still pleasant enough in a customer servicey way. I was super depressed at the time too cuz my hubby was unemployed, we were living with his mom and his father died and I took opening shifts so I could get more hours and not be broke. Last thing I wanted to do was smile
I was told all of the above unwanted demands constantly when I was young and cute. At 63 I am finally allowed to have whatever expression I want Always older men ...every time. It stops completely when you get older. I think it's mostly just stupid pervs wanting to strike up a Convo with a young lady
Thankfully, this does not happen much where I live! While we are considered cold for not making small talk with strangers and impolite for staring at them, as well as downright rude for telling perfect strangers not to jaywalk, to recycle correctly and to keep it quiet on a Sunday - walk around and tell random women to "Smile!" and they will rip you a new one. If you are lucky, only verbally...
I adore George Carlin, & had to go look it up! The man was everything we need now. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sG61fhHQFs
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It seems to me that they are trying to help in some way but clearly not doing well. It can be done. A few years ago I was in a very dark place and was checking out at a grocery. I did not think I was communicating anything to the world, but the clerk asked, “Are you OK?” in a way that made it clear that he cared. I simply said something simple about difficult times but I was OK and thanked him. And my day was a little bit better.
Important note, he never suggested that I should have, somehow, been different than how I was!
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"Cheer up, it could be worse" is one of those phrases that never really work, similar to telling some to just calm down. I do think the guy had good intention, based on it sounding like he had that "oh sh**, I screwed up" moment. But yeah, he should have minded his own business. And sure you can cheer up someone by talking to them, though you need to more talk about something that might cheer them up, rather than just telling them to smile. Plus with complete strangers, if you got nothing to start conversation with, youight as well just let them be, since you really don't know what you are walking into.
The other day I was at the gym, I was gritting my teeth trying to get kinda hyped to curl more than usual and an older gentleman told me to smile, interrupting my zone and my music. I know they have good intentions and I know it has little to do with being sexist, but it's just so unnecessary. Give me a reason to smile and I will, just tell me to and I won't.
The day after my son died in an accident, I wasn't thinking clearly at all, should have stayed home, but instead went to Target---which store I actually detest, but it was closest to my then-home---and began "shopping," just randomly dropping things into the basket of the cart. Got to area where kitchen items were displayed, and just as I dropped another item in (crying the entire time I was doing this), a very young male employee, who had been watching me for a few minutes, came over to my cart and asked if I was all right. It hit me then what I was doing, and I just sobbed out that my son had died the afternoon before, then fled from the store. No idea who the boy was, but I was grateful that he at least asked. Never went back to Target, and that was 15 years ago.
Not being told to smile, but someone not minding their own business: I was in the supermarket limping along with my crutches in the shopping cart. Smarmy dude comes up to me and says, "let me guess: skiing accident or bike wreck." I responded with, "gunshot wound, actually", and the guy stopped and walked away. (I'd been mugged, shot in the leg with a .22 that went all the way through. Fortunately, completely recovered now.)
I'm a Asian Guy, And in the past I've had this happen to me. I haven't had it happen in decades, but I just remember how annoying and infuriating it was. So to inflict that on someone else is baffling. People telling you to smile is at the top of those things people need to mind their own damned business.
Was flying home from Chicago to Reno with a bundle full of lilies...it was Valentine's Day. The amount of people who commented what beautiful flowers I had, and how my boyfriend was so sweet was just insane. Think I ruined Valentine's that year for a lot of people when I told them they weren't from my boyfriend, but from my Grandmother's casket, who was buried that day.
Someone did this to me in a *hospital* elevator. Both of my parents were in the ICU and eventually died of their injuries. He said, “smile, it’ll be okay.” I said, “no, it won’t.” I’ll never forget that interaction. I wonder if he has. He was wearing green scrubs. I was 20 years old and had just agreed to donate my father’s organs.
My 16 year old son encourages me to give a deranged serial killer grin if people tell me to smile, he often demonstrates by looking out through lowered brows, flared nostrils and teeth bared like a predator.
I get that all the time too. Annoys the hell out of me. I just look at them and tell them I had to have my dog put to sleep yesterday so I leave me alone. Their face drops and they walk away. As they walk away, that’s when I actually do smile. Well, not a smile. More like an evil little grin.
For the most part I will find something to compliment such as jewelry or shoes if I see someone who looks to be down. I have used the word "smile" as well but I have never told anyone that "it can't be that bad". I remember one time I told a man to smile and he came back at me with "my daughter was killed by a drunk driver last night, I can't smile". I felt bad for him so I simply gave him my condolences, offered a prayer (he had a cross necklace) and told him that I hope someday he could smile again. He thanked me and we went our separate ways.
Once i break up with a boyfriend because the sentence i most heard from him was "smile honey" ggghhhhh i hate it. ( on his behalf , he meet me 14 years ago, when i was all giggle and life was as colorful as a rainbow).
So, smiling, whether you are faking it or not, is scientifically proven to increase the good hormones in your body and reduces the stress hormones. I'm going through some c**p in my life, but I remembered learning why the Buddha is always depicted smiling, and why in meditation, you are encouraged to smile even when you don't feel like doing so. The actual act of smiling signals to your brain to produce the hormones that will help you feel better. Just Google. It.
True, but it is okay for people to not want to smile, and not smile.
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They weren't nice to them. They were telling them to alter their demeanour purely because they felt like they could. That's definitely not being nice.
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Engaging in that way is definitely not always safe, and no one should be required to educate in situations that negatively impact them. Leave the door open for voices to be heard, don't slam it on people because the way they handled a negative situation wasn't up to agreeability standards
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Mmm....nope. Always got it as a woman, never have as a man, definitely never got it as confusingly androgynous. Ignoring "positive" misogyny is encouraging the problem behavior whether you want to accept it or not. I hate to tell you, 99.9% of the time (at least in the US) it isn't concern, it's the expectation of female appearing people to be quiet and easy to deal with. And I have done literal years of research on the topic from psychological and sociological lenses
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HOW is telling someone to smile ever going to improve their day? It absolutely won't. Strangers need to mind their own business, especially if they don't want to get a negative reaction. Why on earth do they think they have the right to comment? Ye gods. I can be having a perfectly fine day and still don't need some twonk telling me to smile.
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'Karma is gonna get her big time'... Seriously? So where was the evil Jimmy Savile's comeuppance? Lots of seriously unpleasant people get away with sh-it all the time. If karma truly existed, why were they ignored? Karma was created by eastern religions and is to do with caste systems and being born into a supposedly 'deserving' status based on your past life - it's to pat down the poor 'you're to blame' and the rich have earned it. Come on, bad things happen to good people all too often. What about their 'karma'? It's make believe to control people, like a lot of religious thought.
Load More Replies... People need to mind their business. When I was serving coffee and donuts for a living there would be people coming in in all sorts of emotional states. There was a lady that came in clearly upset, wearing big sunglasses. I didn't try to cheer her up or ask about it. For all I knew she was going to or coming from a funeral and just wanted something warm to drink and something sweet to eat, and I'm just behind the counter there to serve and ring up the transactions.
I once got told, :smile, you look like you are going to a funeral" I was on the way to my best friend's as he had killed himself the week before. I just said "I am" and held eye contact a little too long. The guy turned every shade of red possible, mumbled an apology and slunk off. I hope he learnt his lesson and never said it again.
I had someone say, "Where are you going? You look like you're dressed for a funeral." I was. My friend's mom had passed from cancer.
Load More Replies... When I still looked like a female I got the "you should smile more" all the time cause resting b*tch face or something. Nowadays it never happens. The weirdest one was when this dude in his 50's told me "Would it kill you to smile" as I was walking by with my bf. I was in obvious pain and trying to hold back a massive diarrhea so I must have looked like someone who's been stabbed. The bf asked me afterwards if some guys actually were stupid enough to comment like that. The answer is yes they deffo are and the smile comments are just a tip of the sh*tty iceberg
"But it annoys me when people think they have the right to dictate how people are feeling and what expressions to make" It's not "people", it's men doing it to women. It's sexist and disrespectful. No guy on this planet has ever told another random guy to smile more.
Your post needs to be up higher. I've NEVER had a woman tell me I should be smiling when I'm not, only men. Women generally ask "Are you OK?"
Load More Replies... Recently heard someone tell my (female) neighbor "Smile!" and she shot back, "You first." She's my new hero
No. It's pure misogyny. It's "women exist to be pleasant for men to look at."
Load More Replies... I once had a three people talk passive aggressively about "young people not being able to get off their phones" while looking in my direction, while I was on my phone on the metro. I was busy trying to distract myself from the fact that my son was lying sick in hospital. Being agitated as I was, I confronted them and they justified their behaviour by saying "everybody loses loved ones". He was sick but he wasn't dying, I don't even know where they got that from. I was absolutely livid and I made sure they knew.
This is something that happens to woman more often then men. I feel like man can’t stand not seeing smiling women so they say it thinking its ok. I remember being told this a few times when I was younger. Now my normal face is a half smile by habit.
The first time I was told to smile I was geeky 11 year old in my school uniform. The worst was across the street from the church where my beloved uncle’s funeral was still in progress and I was wearing all black (I had to keep stepping out because I was bawling uncontrollably). I screamed at and effed off that guy. The scariest and funniest was when I replied that “I don’t smile on command.” and the guy started shouting and cursing as he walked down the street ahead of me as people looked at him like he was crazy. I just smiled.
I don't have a resting b***h face, I have a resting axe murderer face that I think has saved me from this. Or it's not a thing in Finland.
Men telling me to smile has infuriated me my whole life. I started responding with things like "I was just diagnosed with cancer, thanks a$$hole" since I was like 19 or 20.
How to make people smile: Method 1: a lame joke Method 2: a compliment "oh killer sunglasses " "I love your scarf Method 3:smile at them briefly Method 4:don't be that guy *only apply if person is not reading or have headphones/earbuds in*
I used to work at a bank as a teller and the head teller made my life (and a few others) miserable because we were friendly with customers and some customers preferred us to her (she was not a happy person) One day, after having been berated by the head teller, I had a male customer at my window, and I processed his transaction while he tried to chat me up. When I went about business as business, he got angry that I wasn't responding to his chitchat. At the end, he tossed me (!) a quarter and told me to buy myself a smile. I ignored him then deposited it in his account because it's illegal for bank tellers to receive tips, and mailed him the deposit slip. I quit my job soon after.
TSA agent told me to smile at an airport once. I gave him an appalled face and told him I was flying home from my best friend's funeral, which was true. Men used to tell me to smile a lot until I hit an age where I wasn't so cute anymore. Never since. No one's just being nice when they order women to smile. I give my full support and endorsement to anyone who manufactures a fake tragedy when a stranger instructs them to smile.
In September 2000, my father died of a brain tumor. In January 2001, my mother died, also from a brain tumor. In August 2001 my husband left me and our two children (9 and 3 at the time) for another woman. So you could say I had a pretty bad year and a half. 3 weeks after my husband moved out, I went out with a friend for the first time in over 18 months. We went to a club. After a while a guy came over and said to me: why do you look so sad... tell me, it can't be that bad. I'll make you smile in no time So that's what I did... I told him EVERYTHING. He stopped smiling too pretty soon. At least he apologized and said he's sorry, that I've been through so much. He also got me a rather expensive cocktail, which was kinda nice.
Last week I saw a guy who seemed a bit unwell - leaning against a tree and heaving. In such a situation you don't tell them to 'smile' (and what percentage of men gets told this anyway?) you ask "you're ok, hun?" and accept whatever answer you get. Yes, even if the person screams at you "No, I'm not, my dog just died!", they know very well you just used a figure of speech. It's their pain talking, and you allow them this little bit of being human. And if they are in need of support, you give it. No ifs nor buts.
(All from a US cultural perspective) Heard these stories a lot and no, as someone who has passed as female, male, and everything in-between, I can tell you this is not just someone "being nice". Being nice would be respecting the person's space and, if truly concerned, asking if they are okay or need anything (if they seem receptive to conversation, don't talk to me if I have headphones on). Telling people to smile, particularly women, encourages their agreeableness and pacificity (which is expected of women as part of a male-dominated society to keep the status quo). I have literally taught colleges classes (not semesters) about these topics and it pains me to see how many people are still so lost on these topics and worse those who think they know better than history + science + individual experience + collective experience + concentrated cultural study because they want everyone to be friends and that positivity will just make all the problems go away
You should see some of the comments OP is getting with people calling her a b-word and that she is 'priviledged' and the man was 'just trying to make her happy' and she needs to 'get over herself'. It is scary how many people think this is okay and are actively bullying the OP. In fact I saw a comment where somebody said OP is a b-word because people who are going through trauma *need* some random to tell them to smile because they need cheering up. I am genuinely terrified by these people.
Load More Replies... I’ve been told “cheer up love it might never happen” but as I was just a teen I politely ignored it. In my 30s now… might get a different answer if they tried. I’ve only ever had this said to me by grown men too.
When my mom died, I was very much not okay for a solid year afterwards, and some asshat gate guard told me to smile when I was having an especially bad day. I very sarcastically asked if it was okay with him for me not to smile, given that my mom had died. He had no response, no other gate guards have told me to smile since, so I take that to mean it worked.
I havent been told this in a long time now, thankfully. I think my RBF has just enough "leave me the fück alone" to ward it off, however, the moment someone does say it to me again, I plan on giving them the most demented, psychotic, killer-doll-in-your-closet smile ever. Hopefully they wont ask anyone ever again
I have severe Resting B***h Face and generally look grumpy or pissed off. Someone once told me, "Don't look so grumpy, perk up a little!" Completely deadpan, I shot back: "My (nonexistent) cat just died. I got fired from my (nonexistent) part-time job. My sister was (not actually) diagnosed with severe autism, and my parents are running short on money (we aren't. We're fine.)" Th look on that brat's face was INCREDIBLE!
I have a resting B face. Guys tell me to "smile" a lot. At work. Sorry, I'm trying to get tickets out, prep, answer never ending amount of phone calls. Would like to tell them to stop and what they are asking/saying is rude. But since it's work...I just tell them "I'm preventing wrinkles" and walk away.
I've always wondered, is this purely an American phenomenon, telling absolute strangers to smile and be positive?
The OP is from the UK, so no, it's not. Also I'm from the UK and have been told by men to smile as well. So no. Not just a US thing.
Load More Replies... This happened to me a lot when I worked at Starbucks. I was switching to opening shifts after being on evening/ swing shifts my entire working life. So the first couple week were really rough and had little to zero sleep. My first few days opening were absolutely aweful. A regular customer, older male, would say to me every morning "oh why don't you smile, I bet you would look beautiful". I would just say "I don't feel like smiling" but I was still pleasant enough in a customer servicey way. I was super depressed at the time too cuz my hubby was unemployed, we were living with his mom and his father died and I took opening shifts so I could get more hours and not be broke. Last thing I wanted to do was smile
I was told all of the above unwanted demands constantly when I was young and cute. At 63 I am finally allowed to have whatever expression I want Always older men ...every time. It stops completely when you get older. I think it's mostly just stupid pervs wanting to strike up a Convo with a young lady
Thankfully, this does not happen much where I live! While we are considered cold for not making small talk with strangers and impolite for staring at them, as well as downright rude for telling perfect strangers not to jaywalk, to recycle correctly and to keep it quiet on a Sunday - walk around and tell random women to "Smile!" and they will rip you a new one. If you are lucky, only verbally...
I adore George Carlin, & had to go look it up! The man was everything we need now. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sG61fhHQFs
Load More Replies... It seems to me that they are trying to help in some way but clearly not doing well. It can be done. A few years ago I was in a very dark place and was checking out at a grocery. I did not think I was communicating anything to the world, but the clerk asked, “Are you OK?” in a way that made it clear that he cared. I simply said something simple about difficult times but I was OK and thanked him. And my day was a little bit better.
Important note, he never suggested that I should have, somehow, been different than how I was!
Load More Replies... "Cheer up, it could be worse" is one of those phrases that never really work, similar to telling some to just calm down. I do think the guy had good intention, based on it sounding like he had that "oh sh**, I screwed up" moment. But yeah, he should have minded his own business. And sure you can cheer up someone by talking to them, though you need to more talk about something that might cheer them up, rather than just telling them to smile. Plus with complete strangers, if you got nothing to start conversation with, youight as well just let them be, since you really don't know what you are walking into.
The other day I was at the gym, I was gritting my teeth trying to get kinda hyped to curl more than usual and an older gentleman told me to smile, interrupting my zone and my music. I know they have good intentions and I know it has little to do with being sexist, but it's just so unnecessary. Give me a reason to smile and I will, just tell me to and I won't.
The day after my son died in an accident, I wasn't thinking clearly at all, should have stayed home, but instead went to Target---which store I actually detest, but it was closest to my then-home---and began "shopping," just randomly dropping things into the basket of the cart. Got to area where kitchen items were displayed, and just as I dropped another item in (crying the entire time I was doing this), a very young male employee, who had been watching me for a few minutes, came over to my cart and asked if I was all right. It hit me then what I was doing, and I just sobbed out that my son had died the afternoon before, then fled from the store. No idea who the boy was, but I was grateful that he at least asked. Never went back to Target, and that was 15 years ago.
Not being told to smile, but someone not minding their own business: I was in the supermarket limping along with my crutches in the shopping cart. Smarmy dude comes up to me and says, "let me guess: skiing accident or bike wreck." I responded with, "gunshot wound, actually", and the guy stopped and walked away. (I'd been mugged, shot in the leg with a .22 that went all the way through. Fortunately, completely recovered now.)
I'm a Asian Guy, And in the past I've had this happen to me. I haven't had it happen in decades, but I just remember how annoying and infuriating it was. So to inflict that on someone else is baffling. People telling you to smile is at the top of those things people need to mind their own damned business.
Was flying home from Chicago to Reno with a bundle full of lilies...it was Valentine's Day. The amount of people who commented what beautiful flowers I had, and how my boyfriend was so sweet was just insane. Think I ruined Valentine's that year for a lot of people when I told them they weren't from my boyfriend, but from my Grandmother's casket, who was buried that day.
Someone did this to me in a *hospital* elevator. Both of my parents were in the ICU and eventually died of their injuries. He said, “smile, it’ll be okay.” I said, “no, it won’t.” I’ll never forget that interaction. I wonder if he has. He was wearing green scrubs. I was 20 years old and had just agreed to donate my father’s organs.
My 16 year old son encourages me to give a deranged serial killer grin if people tell me to smile, he often demonstrates by looking out through lowered brows, flared nostrils and teeth bared like a predator.
I get that all the time too. Annoys the hell out of me. I just look at them and tell them I had to have my dog put to sleep yesterday so I leave me alone. Their face drops and they walk away. As they walk away, that’s when I actually do smile. Well, not a smile. More like an evil little grin.
For the most part I will find something to compliment such as jewelry or shoes if I see someone who looks to be down. I have used the word "smile" as well but I have never told anyone that "it can't be that bad". I remember one time I told a man to smile and he came back at me with "my daughter was killed by a drunk driver last night, I can't smile". I felt bad for him so I simply gave him my condolences, offered a prayer (he had a cross necklace) and told him that I hope someday he could smile again. He thanked me and we went our separate ways.
Once i break up with a boyfriend because the sentence i most heard from him was "smile honey" ggghhhhh i hate it. ( on his behalf , he meet me 14 years ago, when i was all giggle and life was as colorful as a rainbow).
So, smiling, whether you are faking it or not, is scientifically proven to increase the good hormones in your body and reduces the stress hormones. I'm going through some c**p in my life, but I remembered learning why the Buddha is always depicted smiling, and why in meditation, you are encouraged to smile even when you don't feel like doing so. The actual act of smiling signals to your brain to produce the hormones that will help you feel better. Just Google. It.
True, but it is okay for people to not want to smile, and not smile.
Load More Replies... They weren't nice to them. They were telling them to alter their demeanour purely because they felt like they could. That's definitely not being nice.
Load More Replies... Engaging in that way is definitely not always safe, and no one should be required to educate in situations that negatively impact them. Leave the door open for voices to be heard, don't slam it on people because the way they handled a negative situation wasn't up to agreeability standards
Load More Replies... Mmm....nope. Always got it as a woman, never have as a man, definitely never got it as confusingly androgynous. Ignoring "positive" misogyny is encouraging the problem behavior whether you want to accept it or not. I hate to tell you, 99.9% of the time (at least in the US) it isn't concern, it's the expectation of female appearing people to be quiet and easy to deal with. And I have done literal years of research on the topic from psychological and sociological lenses
Load More Replies... HOW is telling someone to smile ever going to improve their day? It absolutely won't. Strangers need to mind their own business, especially if they don't want to get a negative reaction. Why on earth do they think they have the right to comment? Ye gods. I can be having a perfectly fine day and still don't need some twonk telling me to smile.
Load More Replies... 'Karma is gonna get her big time'... Seriously? So where was the evil Jimmy Savile's comeuppance? Lots of seriously unpleasant people get away with sh-it all the time. If karma truly existed, why were they ignored? Karma was created by eastern religions and is to do with caste systems and being born into a supposedly 'deserving' status based on your past life - it's to pat down the poor 'you're to blame' and the rich have earned it. Come on, bad things happen to good people all too often. What about their 'karma'? It's make believe to control people, like a lot of religious thought.
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