Have you ever wondered how aliens would react to all of the peculiarities we, humans, have? Assuming there's no other place similar to Earth anywhere in the galaxy, human and extraterrestrial encounters could be quite awkward. Despite the fact that we sometimes see ourselves as rather boring creatures, as compared to what we imagine aliens and all sorts of supernatural beings could be, if aliens ever try to invade our planet, they are up for a surprise. Science fiction enthusiasts on Tumblr decided to prove how badass we actually are in the form of 'tips' given to possible invaders. Scroll down to read them!

#1

Human response to natural disasters is to just rebuild their buildings in the exact same places.

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Amaranthim Talon 3 months ago

And expect different results...

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#2

Humans do not have biological castes. Kill their commander and another will take its place. Soldiers left alone on a planet will start farming and manufacturing to survive. Farmers and manufacturers will take up arms and kill you if pressed. Just because two humans look different doesn’t mean they cannot do each other’s jobs.

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Elizabeth 3 months ago

This one is actually encouraging :)

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#3

Humans drink ethanol (in concentrations high enough to be used as an effective as a microbicide or a solvent!) for the express purpose of achieving blood toxicity and disrupting normal brain function… as a recreational activity!

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Andres Tejeda 3 months ago

Also to instill confidence and find the less desirable members of the opposite or same sex more attractive.

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#4

Removing a limb will not fatally incapacitate humans: always destroy the head.

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Ferro Ferrington 3 months ago

Somehow reading this gives me a sense of security, albeit a bit 😊

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#5

Humans expose themselves to potentially lethal solar radiation in the pursuit of darkening their skin.

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HANS 3 months ago

... and then look down upon people of naturally dark skin.

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#6

Humans climb mountains and risk freezing to death for bragging rights.

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Luis Milian 3 months ago

...and they pay $11,000.00

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#7

Humans risk hearing loss for the opportunity to see their favorite musicians live.

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Aine 3 months ago

WORTH. IT.

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#8

Humans invented dogs. They took their one time predators and completely domesticated them.

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earringnut 3 months ago

Small felines have done the same with humans.

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#9

Humans have a game where two people get into an enclosed area and hit each other until time runs out/one of them pass out.

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Christina Sersif 3 months ago

A lot of ancient civilizations did boxing/fighting type sports. I imagine aliens would have something similar to test their strength

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#10

Humans have been known to perform surgery on themselves - and survive. Thanks to their extreme heartiness, they regard as routine medical procedures what most other species would regard as inventive forms of murder. Humans even perform radical surgery on ourselves for purely cosmetic reasons.

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Väinö-Oskari Astala 3 months ago

I woulkd like to introduce Leonid Rogozov. he was the only doctor stationed at an antarctic research base during the winter and developed appendicitis and had cut out his own appendix. He was helped by a driver and a meteorologist who handed the instruments and held a mirror so he could see. Operation took about 2 hours and he was back to duty in two weeks. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leonid_Rogozov

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#11

Humans willingly jump out of planes with only a flimsy piece of cloth to prevent us from splattering against the ground.

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AloofFox 3 months ago

Humans do this primarily for a surge of chemicals and chemical reactions to happen inside their body, called an “adrenaline rush.”

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#12

Humans can and will use improvised weapons. See classified data labeled J. Chan.

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Carnot Romero 3 months ago

Nothing in the JChan Dossier has been independently verified.

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#13

Human strength and speed is nothing to write home about, but they don’t need to overpower or outrun you. Humans just need to outlast you - and by any other species’ standards, they just plain don’t get tired.

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Randy Dhuyvetter 3 months ago

That's basically how primitive man hunted. They couldn't keep up with their faster prey, but quickly caught up when said prey was resting.

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#14

Breeding does not kill them. A single human can mate dozens or hundreds of times in a lifetime. They often do so as recreation. Xenobiology team six believes they do not have a mating season but this is too strange to be true.

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CareBearAK47 3 months ago

Mating season is the winter; when its cold outside and nothing to do....

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#15

Where a simple broken leg will cause most species to go into shock and die, humans can recover from virtually any injury that’s not immediately fatal. Even traumatic dismemberment isn’t necessarily a career-ending injury for a human.

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AloofFox 3 months ago

...Go us???

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#16

They lack radio receptors and cannot be brought into compliance with right-thought simply by broadcasting to them. Even after we learned how to translate it into sound-waves one of their hatchlings drove the Great Authority mad by responding to every demand with a single question: “Why?”

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Andres Tejeda 3 months ago

Adolescents of the species responses were shockingly different. With the subject groaning, rolling of eyes, and constantly stating they know. A response that is far more annoying than the hatchlings.

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#17

Human bites can be fatally infectious even to other humans.

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Aprl Fair 3 months ago

And yet, they are not venomous.

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#18

Humans can project bioweapons from almost every orifice on their body. Do not inhale.

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Phil Boswell 3 months ago

This is particularly true of the larval forms…

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#19

Humans eat capsaicin (an active component of chili peppers) for fun.

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Twenty øne doggos 3 months ago

True, and we are the only (known) animals to eat spicy foods on purpose.

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#20

Humans are a proud warrior race with a pantheon of bloody gods: Ram-Bo, Schwarzenegger, etc.

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Harleen 3 months ago

Side note: if asked what "Sparta" refers to, 90% will immediately bellow "THIS. IS. SPARTA!!" and begin to display fanatic behavior. We advise caution as we're yet unsure why this subject makes them so hostile.

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#21

Humans will eat anything.

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Ferro Ferrington 3 months ago (edited)

Anything they can.. Anything they find tasty, if not then humans tried to cook it.

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#22

Humans perceive sixteen times the colors we do. Do not hide in bushes or vines from humans. They can distinguish your pelt from the foliage with ease.

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Twenty øne doggos 3 months ago

Wait, who's "we"?

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#23

Their appendages are not designed for hitting, so they developed special training to make them very good at hitting anyhow.

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Mary Rose Kent 3 months ago

Change HITTING to KNITTING and it all makes sense

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#24

On a planet full of lions, tigers, and bears, humans managed to advance further and faster than any other species on the planet.

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David Jeu 3 months ago

You aliens are so judgmental!

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#25

Human jaws have too many teeth in them, so they developed a way to weld metal to their teeth and force the bones in their jaw to restructure over the course of years to fit them back into shape, and then humans continue to wear metal in their mouths to keep them in place.

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Ma Jonalyn Montero 3 months ago

Sounds like dangerous creatures!

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#26

Humans use borderline toxic peppers to season their food.

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Mary Rose Kent 3 months ago

Yummm!

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#27

Humans can reproduce at a rate of 1 per space year. Destroy infestations immediately.

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Mademoiselle Mirage 3 months ago

But sometimes for unknown reasons the rate is higher. They call it twins

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#28

Humans heal from injuries with extreme rapidity, recovering in weeks from wounds that would take others months or years to heal. The results aren’t pretty - humans have hyperactive scar tissue, among our other survival-oriented traits - but they’re highly functional.

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earringnut 3 months ago

All humans have a scar from being hatched. They named it after aquatic warfare.

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#29

Humans can detect you even at night by tracking vibrations through the atmosphere.

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Sanchez Vasile 3 months ago

it's called sound, but they make it look science fiction. And they are pretty lazy at this, too, like with all the senses - the only ones functioning are the orgasm and the greed. They help themselves with much technology, though, and they placed video and audio recorders everywhere - even in the oceans or forests.

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#30

We tried venting waste gas into the tunnels to kill the humans when they attacked. Turns out they breathe it.

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Väinö-Oskari Astala 3 months ago

Ah, the Great Oxygenation Event, a.k.a. Oxygen Catastrophe, Oxygen Crisis, Oxygen Holocaust. This event happened when first photosynthesizing lifeforms began to pollute the atmosphere with their waste.

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Note: this post originally had 36 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.