Tumblr Users Give “Tips” For Aliens, Showing How Weird Humans Are
Have you ever wondered how aliens would react to all of the peculiarities we, humans, have? Assuming there's no other place similar to Earth anywhere in the galaxy, human and extraterrestrial encounters could be quite awkward. Despite the fact that we sometimes see ourselves as rather boring creatures, as compared to what we imagine aliens and all sorts of supernatural beings could be, if aliens ever try to invade our planet, they are up for a surprise. Science fiction enthusiasts on Tumblr decided to prove how badass we actually are in the form of 'tips' given to possible invaders. Scroll down to read them!
Human response to natural disasters is to just rebuild their buildings in the exact same places.
Humans do not have biological castes. Kill their commander and another will take its place. Soldiers left alone on a planet will start farming and manufacturing to survive. Farmers and manufacturers will take up arms and kill you if pressed. Just because two humans look different doesn’t mean they cannot do each other’s jobs.
Humans drink ethanol (in concentrations high enough to be used as an effective as a microbicide or a solvent!) for the express purpose of achieving blood toxicity and disrupting normal brain function… as a recreational activity!
Removing a limb will not fatally incapacitate humans: always destroy the head.
Humans expose themselves to potentially lethal solar radiation in the pursuit of darkening their skin.
Humans climb mountains and risk freezing to death for bragging rights.
Humans risk hearing loss for the opportunity to see their favorite musicians live.
Humans invented dogs. They took their one time predators and completely domesticated them.
Humans have a game where two people get into an enclosed area and hit each other until time runs out/one of them pass out.
Humans have been known to perform surgery on themselves - and survive. Thanks to their extreme heartiness, they regard as routine medical procedures what most other species would regard as inventive forms of murder. Humans even perform radical surgery on ourselves for purely cosmetic reasons.
Humans willingly jump out of planes with only a flimsy piece of cloth to prevent us from splattering against the ground.
Humans can and will use improvised weapons. See classified data labeled J. Chan.
Human strength and speed is nothing to write home about, but they don’t need to overpower or outrun you. Humans just need to outlast you - and by any other species’ standards, they just plain don’t get tired.
Breeding does not kill them. A single human can mate dozens or hundreds of times in a lifetime. They often do so as recreation. Xenobiology team six believes they do not have a mating season but this is too strange to be true.
Where a simple broken leg will cause most species to go into shock and die, humans can recover from virtually any injury that’s not immediately fatal. Even traumatic dismemberment isn’t necessarily a career-ending injury for a human.
They lack radio receptors and cannot be brought into compliance with right-thought simply by broadcasting to them. Even after we learned how to translate it into sound-waves one of their hatchlings drove the Great Authority mad by responding to every demand with a single question: “Why?”
Human bites can be fatally infectious even to other humans.
Humans can project bioweapons from almost every orifice on their body. Do not inhale.
Humans eat capsaicin (an active component of chili peppers) for fun.
Humans are a proud warrior race with a pantheon of bloody gods: Ram-Bo, Schwarzenegger, etc.
Humans perceive sixteen times the colors we do. Do not hide in bushes or vines from humans. They can distinguish your pelt from the foliage with ease.
Their appendages are not designed for hitting, so they developed special training to make them very good at hitting anyhow.
On a planet full of lions, tigers, and bears, humans managed to advance further and faster than any other species on the planet.
Human jaws have too many teeth in them, so they developed a way to weld metal to their teeth and force the bones in their jaw to restructure over the course of years to fit them back into shape, and then humans continue to wear metal in their mouths to keep them in place.
Humans use borderline toxic peppers to season their food.
Humans can reproduce at a rate of 1 per space year. Destroy infestations immediately.
Humans heal from injuries with extreme rapidity, recovering in weeks from wounds that would take others months or years to heal. The results aren’t pretty - humans have hyperactive scar tissue, among our other survival-oriented traits - but they’re highly functional.
Humans can detect you even at night by tracking vibrations through the atmosphere.