When kids grow up, become adults, and have their own kids, they’re quite literally still the kids. Then, these big and serious children in disguise are secretly struggling in this big world full of multitasking. Deciding what’s best for their kids on a daily basis can be truly nerve-wracking, but sometimes, a little spoken word can work wonders, according to people online.
You see, when one Reddit user posed the question “What's something that every parent should tell their child?” on r/AskReddit, it seemed like a straightforward one. But as soon as the answers started flooding in, it became obvious we’re dealing with some real wisdom gems and one of those increasingly rare examples of the internet giving something truly valuable.
From telling your kids you can indeed be wrong sometimes, since it’s only human, to apologizing to them if you’re wrong, these are little things your child self would thank you for.
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A good parent shouldn't be afraid to apologize to their kid when they're wrong.
A good person should apologize when they are wrong, regardless of who the wronged person is. Admitting imperfection is the first step to perfecting yourself.
The proper terminology for their genitals. Other adults aren't always going to know what your kid means when they say "someone played with my monkey or my tutu," and predators aren't going to call them by the proper names either, so it's another deterent for abuse to occur. Vagina, Penis, Vulva, Testicles- these are not dirty words people.
I fully agree, and it shouldn't be limited to just genitalia. I have never understood why the proper term for so many body parts and bodily functions are considered "dirty" or "inappropriate" to say.
Whenever another kid is being mean to them, physically or verbally, don't tell your child that the other kid was being mean to them because they like your child. Your child might grow up mistaking abuse for affection.
I have never understood why it was a thing people taught their kids in the first place.
Bored Panda reached out and spoke about parenting with the author of the thread, Reddit user SaladSlayer00, as well as with Samantha Scroggin, founder of the "Walking Outside in Slippers" blog. Read on for our insightful interviews with both of them. Hopefully, what they said will help present and future parents.
SaladSlayer00 revealed to Bored Panda that they created the thread because they were imagining how they could potentially behave as a parent now that their relationship is getting serious. "Also, I recently lost my father and it was somewhat comforting to see how almost everything meaningful users suggested had already been said to me by my family. What started as a, 'Hey, look at all the karma I'm getting!' turned into a moving and wholesome thread that I'm very proud of," they said.
If you make a mistake and need help, come to me. Kids tend to make bad situations worse by trying not to get caught. I know way too many people who got in drunk driving accidents because they were too afraid to call their parents for help and drove home or got in the car with a drunk driver.
Your low academic performance does not mean you'll be a failure in life.
100% this, not everyone is smart academically, some are smart in different ways like one of my brothers is extremely smart when it comes to maintenance and fixing things yet my other brother knows stuff all about that stuff but he is book smart, we to uni etc. One is not smarter than the other, they are just different in smarts.
No means no.
No means no goes both ways. We have to respect the no we're given as it is expected from others to respect ours.
According to the redditor, having a strong bond with your children is vital. "I think that many parents confuse this with a pale imitation of friendship that by definition just can't work. There needs to be absolute trust and acceptance no matter what, but still, the right amount of objectivity and distance to evaluate situations, and make kids understand that after all, their parents have the duty to correct their actions and worry about them."
They continued: "It's not easy, but I think parents might help their children open up to them by showing a positive, reassuring attitude and enthusiasm for their passions."
''I love you regardless of your gender and sexuality'' unfortunately that wasn't what my mom said.
Because some children, especially teens, can find it difficult to accept advice from parents (even if that advice is brilliant), we wanted to find out the ways around this obstacle. SaladSlayer00 said that advice shouldn't be given to kids without explaining the reasons behind it.
"I think that the best way to make children understand that you see them as intelligent human beings is taking the time to help them see the whole picture without making a 'no' look like a meaningless refusal, but a well-thought-out choice that is only made with their interest in mind.
How their bodies work — no, how they really work. Periods, sex, poop, everything.
If anyone ever tells them, “This will be our little secret,” especially if it involves physical contact, my child needs to get as far away from that person ASAP, find a trusted adult, and contact me. My child will know they will not be in trouble for telling and I will always believe them.
Yes, please! Some people are beasts and the above should be common information! Also, children should be taught that predators will most likely use the child's fear against them and will threaten to kill them or their loved ones if they say anything. Children must be taught that no matter what, they should always tell someone they trust! Scream, fight and get away by any means necessary!
Meanwhile, "Walking Outside in Slippers" founder Samantha said that repetition can help kids learn. "I hope if we just keep repeating ourselves on the issues that matter most to us, and personally demonstrate those qualities we want our kids to have, they'll get the message eventually," she said. Samantha added that one of the biggest challenges is that kids need lots of validation and they're always vying for their parents' attention.
But what are the most important things about life that Samantha wants her own children to know? "There's so much to tell my children about life. And there is so much I'm still learning myself. I feel like as I grow older, I realize just how little all of us know about everything. We're all trying to figure it out as we go and find some fulfillment and happiness in the process. I think the most important lesson I've learned and would want to pass along to my children is that no one is better than anyone else. Racism, sexism, religious discrimination, and other forms of discrimination are never OK. We must stay vigilant of how we treat each other, and our attitudes and beliefs," she shared.
Sometimes, friends you trust will manipulate you. Parents should teach their children what manipulation is and how to avoid it... Cause it ain't so black and white
I would absolutely love it if my daughter had friends that weren’t toxic but sadly they are and one in particular is very manipulative. My daughter would rather have those “friends” than having no friends coz sadly that is pretty much the only choices she has.
You don't have to respect anyone that disrespects you, even if they're your "elder"
Your mental illness is not a weakness.
Jesus, if my parents would have just acknowledged that it was possible to have a mental illness that didn't mean you were foaming at the mouth in a straightjacket, my world would be much brighter as an adult. They loved me through all of it, but I should have been pushed for help also, had they known how.
It’s important to be kind, but you don’t need to be everyone’s best friend. Some ppl are just not going to like you, and that’s okay - it goes both ways
Also being a kid/teenager is f**king hard work. It gets so much better after high school, I promise
Ya know, sometimes it doesn't get better after high-school. I tell everyone that I'm so glad I went to university and that it was the best time of my life. Because everybody says that. In fact I hated it. More than high school. But... It did get better after that, thank God.
Admitting they can be wrong sometimes. Parents are humans and make mistakes. Kids need to see that.
What to do in an emergency. If the fire alarm goes off they should know that they need to get out of the house. Don't look for mum and dad. Don't hide under the bed. Get out.
They also need to know how to call emergency services. If a parent collapses, the child may be the only person around to make the call.
Knowing how rough my kids and their friends can be when playing, I've told them countless times that if someone has fallen or been impaled in any way, with any object, DON'T PULL IT OUT! Call for help and let the professionals do that. Resist the urge!
Always have an open mind before coming to an opinion. Question and research the facts before blindly following someone else’s lead.
That it's okay to ask for help and no one will think less of them.
well some people will think less of you but honestly who gives a damn?
“You don’t have to earn my love. Nothing you do will ever make me love you any less. I will ALWAYS love you, no matter what.” I say these three lines to my kids so often!
@Martha Meyer That says more about you than it says about them. Just because someone has made poor choices and has a criminal record does not mean that they aren't your child, that they aren't deserving of parental love and support. A parents job is never over, regardless of how old (or how messed-up) their children have become. Rejecting them outright will not help them to grow beyond their past and become a productive member of society (even if they are in prison for life).
Express that it's ok to feel uncomfortable and not want to do something. I saw a post where a mother taught her daughter to say hello but if she didn't want a hug or a kiss on the cheek she was never forced to do so. If the kid felt comfortable she would do it. Expressing that this is ok seems pretty important IMO
Hated the mandatory kisses with the extended family when I was little. My grandfather was a typical farmer, very rough around the edges, always had a stubble that just pricked and hurt as you'd kiss him on the cheek, and he smelled like stale wine. I liked to be around him because he was funny and friendly with us little ones but hated to kiss him. One of my aunts was very unkempt, her facial hairs were also really prickly :) One of my cousins (from a previous marriage of my aunt's) was much older than all other cousins, almost a grown up when we others were just kindergarteners and it felt really odd to kiss him simply because he was not "blood", wasn't really a kid but also wasn't a "real adult". He was great company and a genuinely nice young man but I always shirked away from kisses if I could. So yeah, please stop forcing kiddos to kiss people just because you feel like it's polite or customary or whatever.
Coping skills to process their emotions
This is such a good one. Sadly, they need the skills themselves to be able to teach them.
Look out for the smaller kids on the playground, kindness is free so make sure to use it.
In turn it's very useful to teach that just because someone is nice or helpful to you it doesn't automatically mean they want to be your BFF. I had lots of bad experiences where people would misinterpret a simple smile, a helping hand and just "latch on" and get very clingy, leading to very awkward situations.
“The world is a f**ked up place. People are going to hate you for the sake of hating you, and spit on you for what you believe. What I want you to know is I’ll always support you. And I’ll never be disappointed in what you do with your life as long as you love it” ~ My dad
That it's OK to walk away from a fight. It doesn't make you less of a man, and walking away should always be the first resort.
My kids know that but I did tell them that if someone is being physically hurt and there are no adults around to help, it is ok to defend that person to the best of their abilities.
You didn’t ask to be born so it’s my responsibility to take care of you, pay for your expenses and make food and you don’t have to thank me for it because it’s normal (Actual thing my parent told me as a child)
I never got the concept that children "owe" their parents something for being fed and sheltered and cared for. You know what it's called when you don't feed and shelter and care for your child? It's called child neglect. Child neglect is a crime. You don't get rewards for not committing crimes. Your reward is not going to prison. Does my neighbor owe me something for not setting his house on fire? Does my boss owe me something for not stealing his car? No? Then why would my children owe me something for not abusing them?
That it's OK to be straight, gay, bi, pan, cisgender, transgender, or gender-fluid. There is no wrong sexual or gender identity. Just be yourself.
@Dave In MD, shut the hell up. Being lesbian, gay, bi, trans, queer, and more is not a mental problem. Being LGBTQIA+ is perfectly fine. History will look back on this era and wonder what the actual f*ck we were doing. Shaming people because of their sexuality? That's stupid and horrible. And we come down on people who use slurs and shame us because it's wrong. Sure, some people might think that labeling people is bad, but it makes some people feel comfortable with who they are because they have a word to describe them. Now, why don't you go sit down and figure out your sh*t?
What gay people are. I was 12 when I first released gay was just a matter of liking the same gender. I thought gay meant an effeminate man, or something that was "girly" (think "that's so gay"). Parents should remind their children that some children have two mom's or two dad's, and that some people fall in love with and marry people of the same gender rather than the opposite one and that's completely normal.
Also, teach them why people look a certain way, and to respect that. Some people have scars or an amputated limb, or they have downs syndrome which makes them look different, and parents should discuss that openly when the situation arises (maybe not around the person in question) rather than make it seem taboo and not talk to them about it. For example "We don't know why he only has one leg. He might have had an accident or an illness in his leg that meant he lost it. However we need to remember that people like him are still just like us, they may need extra help with some things, but we shouldn't stare or laugh at them because it's upsetting for them."
I know adults shouldn't and it can be embarrassing, but kids often can't help staring at someone who looks extremely different. When I was in kindergarten, there was a girl I didn't actually know and saw only at recess who was several grades older than me, and she was born without half of one of her arms. I remember thinking it looked like a balloon at the end and wondering if she could actually pop her arm. Kids don't know not to, and even when they do, they might not be able to resist the temptation.
Sometimes, it doesn't matter how hard you work, you just end up with s**t.
I think that is coupled with the realistic notion that, in life you'll have to eat s**t sometimes to get to the good stuff.
The idea that if someone specifically tells them to not tell their parents, they should tell their parents immediately.
This is something an old boss (as an au pair) did with her kids. She did this with the idea that if anyone tried to do something awful (let’s be honest, most molesters grooms the child with the “just our little secret/nobody will believe you” method) then they would tell their parents knowing that their parents would always be thankful they did even if what the kid did was naughty/illegal/whatever
Hilarious after effect once was the kids weren’t allowed soda, one of their cousins gave them some and one of the kids immediately told me and their mum.
Also think that it might perpetuate into their teens. Their mum hopes anyway
You don't need to be everyone's best friend. It's important to be kind, but some people just aren't going to like you, and that's OK — it goes both ways.
How to be emotionally intelligent. I feel like I didn't use a lot of my 20s to their full potential because I was an emotional idiot.
I'm not sure that this can be taught. Sometimes, lots of times, no matter what we try to do will be treated as "my parent is so stupid, or just doesn't understand". It doesn't stop when they hit their 20s. This may be one of those things you just have to learn the hard way.
Speak up. Say what's on your mind.
So many kids are taught it's rude to talk back to your parents that it sometimes rob them of the confidence to speak up anywhere.
Speak with respect, in all situations. That mght be a better way to go about it?
It's alright to fail, as long as you pick yourself back up and learn something from it. And that you still love them no matter their grades and their beliefs. At least that's what I wanted to hear from my parents.
Do not allow yourself to be questioned by cops without an attorney present. (at least in the US)
I’m feeling very sad for people living in countries where the police - who is supposed to protect you - can’t be trusted. The police offers I know, became police officers with idealistic motives, and I trust them. I hope that one day, it will be like that everywhere.
"Sorry", when appropriate.
Realising and accepting you were wrong and saying sorry is definitely a sign of strength. Weak people don't admit their mistakes.
'I appreciate your input. You won't always be right and what you say won't always change my mind but I still value your opinion.'
Communicate with your kid, most of the time you will know better than they will but at least listen to what they have to say. Remember to also keep an open mind and be willing to compromise.
If your child attempts to be a "little know-it-all" allow them to fail, rather than insist that they are wrong and end the discussion. Enough of this experience will teach them that they aren't always right.
Never dive Headfirst into unfamiliar water. My cousin broke his neck that way.
“I’ll never be mad at you when you are telling me the truth.”
Only say that if you can live by it. For me it backfired badly. My mom always told me to own up to it if I did something bad, she will not be mad and I will not be punished as long as I don't try to hide it or lie about it. Then they put a brand new light cream coloured carpet in the living room. (With 3 kids under 7...) I was around 3 or 4, and I liked to watch TV sitting on the carpet. I had a cute little glass mug with a dwarf from Snow White on it, and I loved how bright red squash looked like in it. Of course I managed to spill it on the carpet. I panicked, then I pulled myself together and marched straight to my mom like a little hero, and bravely, honestly apologised and told her what happened. She yelled at me for half an hour for being the worst kid in history and the carpet is now ruined because of me. A while later she did say she shouldn't have yelled but she was still obviously very mad. I'm 39 now. I don't think I EVER admitted any fault to her since.
Don't follow the crowd, make your own choices. Seriously, if you want to join the science club join it, you won't see those kids after graduation who cares what they think.
Yes. 20 years from now it won't matter what your hair looked like, what kind of jeans you wore, what matters is what you learn and how you use it.
Theres no such thing as perfect
Never make a promise you're not sure you can keep.
Don't ask others to make promises - lives change and sometimes we can't live up to our promises.
If you are ever scared, unsure, or something doesn't feel right. I promise I will listen to you and take your concerns seriously.
The world isn't fair, don't try to change what you can't, and instead worry about the things you can.
There's no point in worrying - if you can change it then do - if you can't then just get on with it and let it go. Worrying takes the joy out of today.
Parents, your children are people. Not miniature do-overs for you. Not kickbags. Not scapegoats. Not angels. *People* in the process of growing. Nurture wisely and well, please.
Yes! Though if you can't manage wise do your best but be KIND! Also, children are a gift to be treasured but we are supposed to raise them to be independent, thoughtful adults so teach them about the world. If you don't teach them about the bad stuff they won't know what to avoid. Overprotection can be dangerous. If they ask questions they are ready for the answers.
Load More Replies..."I love you no matter what and it's okay if you have a hard time finding emotions. I'll help you with any mental illness you have and it's perfectly fine if you want personal space."
if i have children when I grow up I want to teach them a lot of these things. Especially I want them to know that all races, sexualalities & genders are normal, everyone is a human no matter what. Also I want to teach them how to be safe & protect themselves, even tho I live in a really safe state, we can never be too sure.
It's strange that we have been thinking that gender was black and white. Nothing else in life is so straight cut, so why would gender not be a rainbow? Some people are stuck in their ways, they haven't opened their hearts yet.
Load More Replies...One of my own mom like 10 years ago: Is ok to be childfree, you are not in this world to give me grandchildren. I love her.
If you’re kid picks up on things quickly don’t tell them they’re smart all the time. Tell them “nice job on that” or something. When I was growing up people always told me I was smart just because I picked up on things faster than some others, and it led to me equating “smart” to “being able to do something new well and quickly”. That meant that when I came upon something I didn’t get right away I didn’t know what to do and felt stupid as hell, and immediately wanted to give up. My entire academic worth was based on getting stuff fast, so it was like pulling the bottom piece out of a jenga tower the first time I actually started struggling. I also didn’t want to ask for help for fear of looking stupid to the people who had been so happy with me for being so smart. So for example, kid gets 100 on a math test, don’t say “Good job, you’re lucky you”re so smart” say “Good job on learning that math”. Hope that makes sense.
I hear you so much on this. I would berate myself for anything I wasn't automatically good at and I felt my academic skills were what defined me: a sure set up for misery down the road. I do think awareness of children's mental health is a newish concept, but I'm glad it's finally being recognised
Load More Replies...It's ok to be upset. It's ok to be sad. It's ok to cry. And then after we cry, we think of what we can do to pick ourselves up again.
“Your private parts are your own and nobody gets to touch them except for you in private. If anyone tries tell me right away.”
School might seem like it’s never going to end, but it does. If you’re kind of different from the mainstream, and having a hard time with classmates, don’t let it get you down. There’s a big world out there, and you will find true friends who accept you just the way you are. School is temporary—-you will be amazed just how quickly you forget it, and how little it really matters, once it’s over.
The different children are often the ones that have the most success post formal education.
Load More Replies...Teach your children to respect and love animals - the voiceless, defenseless, innocent, sentient beings - and they will grow up to be kind, compassionate, empathetic, just human beings. If every parent would do that, we would be living in a different world. --"As long as man continues to be the ruthless destroyer of lower living beings, he will NEVER know HEALTH or PEACE. For as long as men massacre animals they WILL kill each other. Indeed, he who sows the seed of murder and pain CANNOT reap joy and love." - Pythagoras (570 - 480 BC/BCE) Greek mathematician & philosopher.
Be a mentally healthy person. Then you will be a good parent and you will follow most these advice without knowing. Love yourself, be a better person. Don't lie to you.
If you cannot find a solution, you can. Find the courage to ask for -maybe professional- help.
Load More Replies...Parents, your children are people. Not miniature do-overs for you. Not kickbags. Not scapegoats. Not angels. *People* in the process of growing. Nurture wisely and well, please.
Yes! Though if you can't manage wise do your best but be KIND! Also, children are a gift to be treasured but we are supposed to raise them to be independent, thoughtful adults so teach them about the world. If you don't teach them about the bad stuff they won't know what to avoid. Overprotection can be dangerous. If they ask questions they are ready for the answers.
Load More Replies..."I love you no matter what and it's okay if you have a hard time finding emotions. I'll help you with any mental illness you have and it's perfectly fine if you want personal space."
if i have children when I grow up I want to teach them a lot of these things. Especially I want them to know that all races, sexualalities & genders are normal, everyone is a human no matter what. Also I want to teach them how to be safe & protect themselves, even tho I live in a really safe state, we can never be too sure.
It's strange that we have been thinking that gender was black and white. Nothing else in life is so straight cut, so why would gender not be a rainbow? Some people are stuck in their ways, they haven't opened their hearts yet.
Load More Replies...One of my own mom like 10 years ago: Is ok to be childfree, you are not in this world to give me grandchildren. I love her.
If you’re kid picks up on things quickly don’t tell them they’re smart all the time. Tell them “nice job on that” or something. When I was growing up people always told me I was smart just because I picked up on things faster than some others, and it led to me equating “smart” to “being able to do something new well and quickly”. That meant that when I came upon something I didn’t get right away I didn’t know what to do and felt stupid as hell, and immediately wanted to give up. My entire academic worth was based on getting stuff fast, so it was like pulling the bottom piece out of a jenga tower the first time I actually started struggling. I also didn’t want to ask for help for fear of looking stupid to the people who had been so happy with me for being so smart. So for example, kid gets 100 on a math test, don’t say “Good job, you’re lucky you”re so smart” say “Good job on learning that math”. Hope that makes sense.
I hear you so much on this. I would berate myself for anything I wasn't automatically good at and I felt my academic skills were what defined me: a sure set up for misery down the road. I do think awareness of children's mental health is a newish concept, but I'm glad it's finally being recognised
Load More Replies...It's ok to be upset. It's ok to be sad. It's ok to cry. And then after we cry, we think of what we can do to pick ourselves up again.
“Your private parts are your own and nobody gets to touch them except for you in private. If anyone tries tell me right away.”
School might seem like it’s never going to end, but it does. If you’re kind of different from the mainstream, and having a hard time with classmates, don’t let it get you down. There’s a big world out there, and you will find true friends who accept you just the way you are. School is temporary—-you will be amazed just how quickly you forget it, and how little it really matters, once it’s over.
The different children are often the ones that have the most success post formal education.
Load More Replies...Teach your children to respect and love animals - the voiceless, defenseless, innocent, sentient beings - and they will grow up to be kind, compassionate, empathetic, just human beings. If every parent would do that, we would be living in a different world. --"As long as man continues to be the ruthless destroyer of lower living beings, he will NEVER know HEALTH or PEACE. For as long as men massacre animals they WILL kill each other. Indeed, he who sows the seed of murder and pain CANNOT reap joy and love." - Pythagoras (570 - 480 BC/BCE) Greek mathematician & philosopher.
Be a mentally healthy person. Then you will be a good parent and you will follow most these advice without knowing. Love yourself, be a better person. Don't lie to you.
If you cannot find a solution, you can. Find the courage to ask for -maybe professional- help.
Load More Replies...