40 People Get Blatantly Honest About “What Is Not For Everyone, But Society Acts Like It Is?”
The idea of expectations seems very tame at first. It is a standard the collective hivemind adheres to and expects that nobody strays away from this norm because collective stability. That’s how societies work, right?
Well, the concept has a lot of nuance to it—nuance that isn’t all that positive as it can cause unforeseen damage to relationships, cause harm to oneself, or is just flat out toxic all around. All because someone is comfortable with pushing the boundaries for the sake of stability.
And when someone snaps and breaks, folks wonder why it happened. Because not everyone is cut out for this. And that’s fine. But some don’t see it that way.
Folks online recently tackled this issue with an AskReddit thread listing what things are not for everyone, but society acts like it is?
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Social Media. Imagine being a 6th grader and having people think you’re weird if you don’t have an Instagram.
That s**t is poison. Wrecked our interpersonal skills. Ruined relationships. Perpetuated bullying into cyberspace when it used to end at the school day. Cemented embarrassment if you get recorded. The list goes on.
Religion. That’s fine if you’re a believer and it brings you peace or purpose or whatever, but it’s really not for everyone.
The whole “early bird gets the worm” mentality. Society tends to glorify being a morning person and waking up at the crack of dawn, but not everyone’s wired that way. Some of us are night owls who do our best work after midnight. So, let’s remember that not everyone thrives on the same schedule, and it’s okay to be a night-loving creature in a world that often praises the early risers. After all, owls are pretty cool too!
So, in the grand scheme of things, the thread did not receive a lot of upvotes, clocking in at just 3,300. What it did, however, do is generate quite a discussion. 4,900 comments later, we have loads of spot-on answers as well as talks about their respective themes and topics, giving context as to why it’s bad and why we would be better off without it.
Having children.
Connect_Office8072:
I worked for the State’s attorney in the Neglect and Abuse Division and I swear, you should need a test before you can become a parent.
ServiceCall1986:
I’m a woman who has never had that “motherly urge” and I never plan on having kids. People don’t seem to understand that can happen. It’s always “you’ll change your mind once you find the right person”.
No, my right person will feel the same as me. People want to change me, but I’ve always felt this way.
Guys have thar same issue, im a dude i wont have kids. No i wont change my mind im gay
Crop tops. Some of us still want the whole entire shirt damnit!
Why are plus size women's shirts shorter? I hate this!! I'd rather not show the world my pasty white doughbelly every time I raise my arm! I get that larger size = more fabric, so they're just trying to squeeze every last penny out of the fabric but come on.
Romantic relationships. So many people can't fathom the fact that I'm perfectly happy being single. I have a solid support network from my friends and family and feel perfectly content without a romantic relationship. I'm always happy for my friends who end up in good, loving relationships, but it's not something I am interested in.
Had an elderly female friend who had a very nice life, having retired from a career as an RN. People often asked her why she never married, and she would reply "Because I never met anyone I liked as much as myself".
Answers revolved around social norms and expectations that everyone should be doing this or that. You know, things like hustle culture, social media, getting married and having kids, faith, and doing what is considered “normal” by the majority. But, at the end of the day, those are just norms and expectations. They shouldn’t be deciding factors just because... but peer pressure is a thing and it does some toxic things.
Alcohol - some people can't fathom that others can't be arsed to drink it, or choose a sober lifestyle after a bad experience.
I had stomach surgery and since then I cannot tolerate alcohol. My family looks at me weird although I've explained why I can't drink a million times. It's weird how unacceptable it is that a person chooses not to drink 🙄
Team sports. There are other ways to learn teamwork and be part of a group, such as orchestra, marching band, scouting and a lot more.
You can kinda blame evolution for making social and societal pressure a thing. It’s natural for folks to strive for companionship that’s best suited for life in a given community. Societies are what has given humans an edge in survival on this planet for as long as they have. And so the very fabric of our existence depends on us sticking together in that sense. It is also that same fabric that causes pressure into staying within its norms. Sometimes, very aggressively.
Hustle/grind/climb the corporate ladder culture. I just want to do what I'm good at and enjoy my life, not kill myself getting to the top.
pumpkinpretzel:
And also, (kinda on the flip side) the idea that everyone should start their own business and be their own boss.
Not everyone can/should/wants to…
I read a story about a guy who, everytime he was just about to be promoted to a management position, he asked to be left alone, cause he felt like being a coach instead of a player, and he loved to play.
Talking to toxic family members.
So true. I'm expected to be all normal with my abusive sibling. 'After all, he's your elder brother. You are family.' It's frustrating.
Christmas. I really don’t like Christmas, but people look at me like I have two heads if I say that out loud, like I’m not allowed to not like Christmas. Not a religious reason, I just find the holiday to be too intrusive. It insists upon itself, and everywhere you turn, Christmas gets jammed in your face, down your throat, up your a*s. It’s October 29 and my neighbor just put his Christmas lights up. They won’t come down until the end of June. Is eight months of Christmas really necessary?
I hate starting the Christmas season at the beginning of October, or even after Halloween, but I don't find it intrusive. That said, I do hate that so many of the people who make the biggest deal over Christmas are the same morons that b***h about atheists and the LGBTQ community "shoving their lifestyle in our faces" or claim they're being persecuted because some people who know that a lot of people aren't christians use inclusive greetings during the holiday season.
And just like anything that’s taken to an extreme, society too can take expectations and norms to a degree where it starts marginalizing people. And those who find themselves stuck between their own ideas and desires, and the opinion of society can end up in a spiral of stress and inadequacy. And all of this is very ironic because communities form to ensure stability and we now have folks who are destabilizing it.
Driving. Maneuvering thousands of pounds of metal at speeds that can easily kill you and other people, yet we encourage people to do it before they can vote or drink or live alone, and at least in North America you’re seen as some sort of immature freak if you can’t or don’t want to.
Driving is pretty much essential in the US unless you live in a big city.
A 9-5 job. I'm a bartender/server and a natural night owl. I honestly think that's why I even prefer the service industry because I just feel more normal at night lol. I have my degree and did the 9-5 for about 2 years but everyone's energy all day kinda makes me nauseous 🥲 But the relentless judgment for being on a different schedule than the rest of society is constant.
The things people attach “morality” to never fails to blow my mind. I know y’all would riot if we didn’t have night staff doing their jobs but you’re gonna turn around and look down on them? Yeah nah, bro.
In turn, social pressures often encourage people to fit in with those around them. Again, this circles back to safety and security within a given community, the desire to change ourselves in order to stay connected with people for the greater good, i.e. survival. And while it can be a positive change, it can also turn out to be toxic as well.
Sex. Nobody should be shamed for having sex or not having sex.
onemanmelee:
Similarly, hookup culture. Not everyone glorifies the idea of "anytime with anyone, anywhere."
Being extroverted and constantly craving social interactions.
Cute-Landscape7610:
this. i love being at HOME. i love my small circle of close relationships - those are the people that can be recharging for me.
i do not crave being in loud, overpopulated environments or making small talk with a bunch of strangers or distant acquaintances that i have no bond with. even being around extremely social, extroverted people that i do love dearly (my almost in laws) gets exhausting, because they nearly always have their family friends over. i just could never.
Introvert people often get judged for being boring but I found conversations with the least loud person in a big group often is the most rewarding. The ones that shouts can be so obnoxious and exhausting being around.
Marriage.
Im_100percent_human:
I used to believe that Marriage was a societal invention that really did not serve an important purpose. I decided at one point that I never wanted to get married. My views have evolved on this as I have aged. While I still believe that marriage, as an institution, is a societal invention, but it does serve an important purpose. It provides a default legal contract that defines the sharing of property and responsibilities. While this may sound trivial, it is not. This is particularly important for couples as they age, become sick, and die. It really defines how another person can make decisions on your behalf and benefit from a shared life. If you are to couple with another person, you should marry at some point.... You really don't need to have a wedding or even tell anyone. Just do it for the sake of your partner.
And, as it so happens, these evolutionary processes also lead to the fact that we’re hard-wired to respond to social pressures—to a degree where changes can quite literally be detected in the brain.
Many look at others for guidance. It’s a thing called social proof whereby a community essentially determines what’s good and what’s not based on how much they approve of it or partake in it. A certain kind of popularity.
"Sucess" in our modern way of thing about it. Not everyone wants or can handle being extremely wealthy, famous, or powerful. Some of us just want our slice of a good life and live it.
40 hour work week.
xMadxScientistx:
I don't honestly think it's for anybody. People say there are a bunch of psychopaths out there who just love working every waking moment, but I kind of think they just tell people they feel that way to look like they're virtuous.
In the news in my country, someone said that us youngsters should work 70 hours a week if we want our country to get ahead
However, there has to be a fine balance between being all in or all out when it comes to functioning in society. Setting boundaries and understanding what you as an individual needs is crucial in maintaining personal health. Turning into an absolute people-pleaser can lead to harmful relationships which in turn have zero benefit for the individual, all the while turning against society isn’t wise either as it’s not all bad.
Sexually provocative imagery on everything, being seen by kids. We steep in it all our lives
One of the things I like about Ghibli movies is they are not crammed full of sexual innuendo and double entendres. Some of the western studios seem to think you can't make a viable kids' movie without tossing in a lot of jokes that only (you hope) the adults will get. We watched a lot of both but sometimes it was awkward when the adults / older grandkids laugh at something and the little ones want an explanation.
College.
xSmittyxCorex:
I don’t know about society at large, but media sure acts like it. I swear almost every show and movie ever it’s assumed the entire cast went to college. And not a local college either, they left home, stayed in a dorm, and somehow in between all the studying, a lot of partying and weed was involved. And if it involves highschoolers, its assumed they’re going to go, and if not, it’s cause they’re the stupid/trouble-making one.
I hate to say it, but an undergraduate degree is the equivalent of a high school diploma decades ago. Some employers view it as a minimum qualification to consider a resume or application. I have a BA but hold a position that usually needs a Ph.D. I got here by having common sense, initiative, a strong work ethic, and the trust of my superiors. Those qualities aren't rewarded the same anymore.
Capitalism?
I mean, it literally is only for the capitalists. Everyone else gets to labor, or die, or both...
Every day I rue the phenomenon LBJ pointed out: “give a man someone to look down on and he’ll empty his pockets for you”. That’s a massive part of why so many poor and middle class people vote against their best interests.
Hence, it’s important to learn how to express individuality, but all the while understanding how you can help a society and how a society can help you.
The first part can manifest in many ways: wear unique clothes, don’t be ashamed to embrace what you enjoy near others, speak your mind, that sort of thing. In turn, losing the trying to fit in mentality might save you a lot of stress along the way.
Probably gonna get crucified for this but...
Rap/hip hop or any type of music in that style... including a lot of this new Bro Country stuff.
*goes and hides under the table now...*
Just don't assume that if it's not for you, it should not be for anybody.
Credit cards.
DEVILDORIGHT:
Living in and with debt is just lunacy to me. What sense does it make to live your entire life in debt to a corporation? None. If I cannot afford to pay for a thing outright, I don't need it. "Oh but a credit card/debt, allows you to have what you want." NO. It allows the bank to come take your shit and throw you to the wolves and out on the street should you fail to pay the debt incurred.
Well, I see one of your problems right there. You assume that having a credit card = buying things you can't afford. I have credit cards. I pay them off in full every month. I get cash back so the net effect is they pay me to use them. It also means I have a built in proof of purchase, I am carrying less cash on me / lose less if I lose my wallet. And in many situations I get longer warranties. Costco electronics purchased on their visa get an extra 2 years on the manufacturer's warranty. When my camera was stolen in the Philippines, AMEX replaced it for free because it was purchased on their credit card and I was traveling. It is also a form of insurance. I do not always have enough cash in my wallet to cover an emergency tow or tire replacement. TLDR: CCs are a good thing if you use them wisely.
Being connected ALL the time: Wifi, TV, streaming.
Upstairs-Radish1816:
I was in my 50's when my son gave me his old smart phone. He couldn't understand how I could leave the house without it. I kept telling him I've gone this long without one I couldn't see the need to have a phone all the time.
But societies are necessary, for survival, of course, but let’s put it into perspective: society has enough power to push for changes and public opinion that might just keep you safe, say, in a pandemic where everyone wears a mask, and the one not wearing one would be pressured, if not mandated, into it so that it wouldn’t stir any more trouble. But that works for everyone’s benefit if the focus is for the benefit of everyone, and not motivated by self interest. So that’s something to think about.
Owning a pet.
Tim0281:
I agree. I'd love to have a dog, but I'm a childless bachelor that lives in a second floor apartment. I don't have the time or space to properly take care of a dog. It wouldn't be fair to the dog if I got one.
I've lived with a dog, I've owned a dog from a puppy to a year old. They don't train that easily and require a lot of attention. Things get destroyed, your house starts smelling like dog pee from accidents, and you have to puppy/dog proof your home like you would with a toddler.
The idea that in order to be part of this world, you have to focus on events that don't concern you. We're expected to be 'aware' of conflicts all over the world, poverty, crime, social problems and all other kinds of horrible things that happen daily but don't concern us. This leads to constant panic and stress, caused by events and situations that aren't in our sphere of influence but we're expected to be aware of them. There's almost no way to live a stable life when we're constantly battered over the head with events happening in other parts of the world, but if we ignore them, we're horrible people.
In this case, as in most on this list, a viable solution is to simply not care what others think of you. Really. Personally, it came as I got older, but it feels fantastic.
So, what are your thoughts on any of this? Throw in your two cents and share stories in the comment section below.
And once you’re done with that, why not peep at this article about things that seem to have been normalized, yet they are anything but normal due to their toxic, immoral or just flat out wrong nature.
Homeownership. Some people just don't have the budgeting skills, willingness, time and knowledge to do maintenance, or the discipline necessary for homeownership.
I think homeownership should be in this list. But I disagree with some of their reasoning. Some people don’t come from backgrounds or circumstances that afford them the luxury of saving for a home. Or when they are financially ready the timing is poor with an inflated market and high interest rates making homeownership not a financially responsible (or feasibility) decision. Others I’m sure don’t want the responsibility of maintenance or costs that come with it and that part of what op said is true. But I disagree with budgeting skills or discipline, that’s not why most people can’t buy houses.
Veganism.
Theres nothing wrong with veganism itself its the *peta* culture that gives it a bad rep in my opinion, maybe im dumb
Based on recent unpopular opinion posts, Halloween costume parties for adults. Every time someone says they don't like them, they're met with "you just don't like fun" comments.
This is another example of to each their own. I understand both sides i myself just love halloween
Desk jobs. All through school they preached that we were failures if we were anything less than doctors, lawyers, middle management, etc. So we all trained for those things and did really well. Now there aren't enough jobs to go around in those fields. Now it's just "your degrees are useless! Go work fast food! You failed!"
Really getting tired of the out of touch 50+ crowd ruining people's lives.
Taking dogs everywhere. It's become ridiculous in the UK now with people taking them on shopping trips to big stores, but worse still, restaurants are now allowing dogs in eating areas. It's gross ...
Monogamy *and* polyamory. The main reason people think polyamory is bad is because non-polyamorous people attempt it and inevitably fail at it because they think polyamory is something you can just switch on and off and “try out”. At the same time, society acts like monogamy should be the standard for everyone, when it’s just not suited to everyone.
People are too caught up in defining relationships in general.
Math teacher here: Algebra. EDIT: I'm not saying "Mathematics" I'm saying "Algebra".
Tell us you're a lousy math teacher without telling us you're lousy math teacher. Very few people need to understand quadratic equations, but some basic algebra is part of everyday life for a lot of people, even if they don't realize it. Learning algebra is also part to the process of learning to think.
Some sort of political opinion.
What I'm tired of is people bashing other people saying they must be a trump person etc etc even when the conversation has nothing to do with politics or anything related to it. It's like a go to now for people to try and win an argument.
I hate it that people without children are expected to give up holidays etc for those with children. My partner isn't down for a shift Christmas but I have a feeling that he'll be asked to give up the holiday so those with children can have the time off.... Yet when he booked holidays he was expected to cover his own holiday for a couple of days as they couldn't get anyone to cover!
He should just say no. His life without children is in no way less valuable than that of people with children. Childless people's time and schedule are NOT in any supposed to compensate for others' obligations. What about those who merely want to spend their holidays with their families, old parents, friends...?
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Exercise obsession. It is not the fix all for everything. It is not for everyone. It has never once in 40 years helped my depression. It has never helped my sleep schedule. It has never made me less hungry. I did get a damn staph infection at the gym though that scared my back. So now i cant wear anything with an open back shirt.
Exercise can make you much hungrier! Swimming especially, I could twice as much after swimming and tend to gain weight if I don't restrict myself.
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"I started working out at 40/50/60 and I am all fit now so you can too" (always with photos of very fit older or middle aged person). NO, not everyone can. People have chronic diseases, problems, old injuries, health issues... not everyone can suddenly start pumping weights at some 40+ age and be all fit and muscular. It's not for everyone don't try to shame us into it. A lot of people over that age have several medical issues and a lot of them have chronic pain and old injuries which should not be provoked. It's not easy for everyone and not everyone should even try to start with heavy weight lifting at any age, at least not without full exam and doctor permission.
I hate it that people without children are expected to give up holidays etc for those with children. My partner isn't down for a shift Christmas but I have a feeling that he'll be asked to give up the holiday so those with children can have the time off.... Yet when he booked holidays he was expected to cover his own holiday for a couple of days as they couldn't get anyone to cover!
He should just say no. His life without children is in no way less valuable than that of people with children. Childless people's time and schedule are NOT in any supposed to compensate for others' obligations. What about those who merely want to spend their holidays with their families, old parents, friends...?
Load More Replies... Exercise obsession. It is not the fix all for everything. It is not for everyone. It has never once in 40 years helped my depression. It has never helped my sleep schedule. It has never made me less hungry. I did get a damn staph infection at the gym though that scared my back. So now i cant wear anything with an open back shirt.
Exercise can make you much hungrier! Swimming especially, I could twice as much after swimming and tend to gain weight if I don't restrict myself.
Load More Replies... "I started working out at 40/50/60 and I am all fit now so you can too" (always with photos of very fit older or middle aged person). NO, not everyone can. People have chronic diseases, problems, old injuries, health issues... not everyone can suddenly start pumping weights at some 40+ age and be all fit and muscular. It's not for everyone don't try to shame us into it. A lot of people over that age have several medical issues and a lot of them have chronic pain and old injuries which should not be provoked. It's not easy for everyone and not everyone should even try to start with heavy weight lifting at any age, at least not without full exam and doctor permission.
