In one of her pieces for The Guardian, writer Gaby Hinsliff argues that it's time for people to stop rolling their eyes whenever they hear someone say "modern male struggle".
To get a better understanding of what it entails, let's take a look at a Reddit thread that asked the platform's men what they want to stop being judged for.
From their physical features to how they behave in public, continue scrolling to check out some of their top-voted replies.
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Being short. Literally no one has control over their height. Judge people for the things they *can* control.
Literally I’ve never understood why people (especially men) get judged for being short
Drinking cocktails instead of beer. Or “girly drinks”. It’s my money dammit and I’m gonna drink something that tastes good
Interacting with kids. Especially younger kids, the majority of men arnt pedophiles.
I sometimes get funny looks when I'm at the park with my own kid. Majority of men are not pedophiles and woman can also be them... So yeah.
Seeking support with mental health. I grew up in an environment where this wasn’t ok, but in adulthood I very much needed help working through things and didn’t have the tools or understanding to do it alone.
complimenting another man.
This is so true! Men should be treated the same respect as talking to a someone of the same gender as a woman does!
Having hobbies people define as effeminate.
Such as baking, gardening, textiles, stuff like that.
Elaborating, I love gardening myself, I have a growing garden myself and it has helped immensely with anger issues I used to have, and I’ve had guests over who always assume it’s a product of my wife’s work, which is why I mentioned it.
All of which are jobs that men do, some quite famously so. Really silly to think it is effeminate when it's a hobby.
Taking their full paternity leave as permitted by their employer.
Pffft, I took it all, then took my holidays right after it. Wasn't just my wife who made the baby.
Not being in the mood for sex. Women (or men) can take it so personally. Sometimes we're too exhausted.
Most of me is always ready for sex. But the body, unfortunately, is not a democracy.
Taking long showers. I wish that I was able to take a long shower without everybody in the household thinking I'm having a wank.
I just want to enjoy hot water, it's relaxing.
That's what a wanker would say :)))))) Joke aside, don't waste water for taking 30 minutes showers.
Stoicism. I get it's the modern era and people wanna be open about their feelings and be free to cry. But it cuts both ways. If a man wants to keep their emotions private and in check, he shouldn't be judged as being regressive or cold.
Everyone is different and experiences emotions in unique ways. We should all be able to express that how we see fit as long as we are not hurting or hindering others or ourselves. No two people experience emotions the same way. So who can say what is right and what is wrong.
not peeing standing up. sitting is so much more comfortable
Being shy
For not having a house, not having a car, or not being financially stable. I'm doing what I can, ok?
Getting physically taken care of, for instance massage, spa that kind of thing. Why should women be the only ones to get that stuff? Massages are the best thing.... especially if you do lots of heavy lifting, sports, you know "man" stuff
Expressing ourselves.
My wife is pregnant and has a full time job, since she’s been pregnant I’ve taken on doing 100% of the cooking, cleaning, errands, groceries, rubbing her feet, taking care of her (When she gets home from work, I put on her favorite show and have her relax the rest of the day, I refuse to have her do any work) etc. This is additional to me already working my job where I pay all our bills, do yard work, vehicle maintenance, etc. I work from the time I get up to the moment we go to bed.
I love my wife very much and want this time for her to be as easy as possible because I know she’s having it tough. She knows that I’ve been busting my a*s lately, but anyone on the outside think men do nothing during this time. Conversations with other people usually go in the way of berating me (Or men in the relationship) by insinuating that I need to step it up more, I’m not doing enough, and if I dare bring up the fact that I’m overwhelmed I’m seen as weak and unfit to be her husband.
I get it though, there are some really s****y guys out there and they’re taking their frustration out on me, but for those of us who are actually putting forth an effort, it’s demoralizing. This type of behavior is why a lot of men simply say nothing because we’d rather not say anything for 15 minutes than deal with hours of drama.
Parenting kids, Working in primary education and being babysitters. People just automatically assume that when a man is doing these things that he’s a pedophile and not to be trusted. But women are never suspect? It doesn’t make sense. If you are concerned with protecting your kids from unsavory individuals, do a background check.
I'm a father of 3 - all past the kindergarten era. Some of the very best, and most popular pedagogues was the men - they had an awesome take on the kids, played with them very different than the female pedagogues, and was loved by the children. However they were forced to work under crazy conditions, could never be alone with a child, not change a diaper. I sadden me that the law suspected them, so they had special rules... They were the best!
Existing.
I'm not a rapist because I'm out at night. I'm not a predator because I have a child in my company. I'm not dangerous because you're defenseless. I'm not a creep because you can't tell why I'm there. I'm not an incel because you don't have empathy for men.
Getting a sports car or new clothes or s**t. I couldn't afford the cars I wanted when I was younger. It's not some phase or a mid-life crisis. Stop labeling men as immature for enjoying things they couldn't when they were younger. Maturity is not defined by one's hobbies or interests. And I just like the car.
Taking the sudden wide step to free our balls from sticking to our thigh
I've unironically worn certain sex toys under my clothes because they prevent this. I swear someone should invent a bra for balls
Having trust issues with women. We are suppose to accept women have trust issues with men, but guys are taken less seriously even when they have solid reasons.
Women have been awful to my hubby in the past, cheating on him, being violent towards him etc. I admire him for not becoming bitter, though he'd have every reason to. We talk things through so there are no trust issues, luckily I understand myself enough to explain why I sometimes act the way I do. Boys and men have often treated me like I'm less than and I'd say I'm more bitter at times than he is.
Being close to their parents. Just because a man is close to his parents/ mother doesn’t mean he’s a “mamas boy.”
And nobody ever considers that maybe their parents need support and not the other way around
Bringing up something that bothers them about their partner, from the major to minor issues.
Honestly, having to deal with the 2 hour long fallout about how said issues make YOUR PARTNER FEEL after they hear it, makes it not worth it. So that s**t gets bottled up.
“Patriarchy” or being a sucessfull white man even though I was born in poverty..
It’s not my fault the world was how it was before I was born.. I don’t belittle women or think they are lesser..
True - you don't have to be judged for something what was created before your time. But you have the responsibility to change things now. Just not to think that women are lesser is unfortunately not enough for a change. Work actively against patriarchic structures whereever you can!
Being happy. Idc if we're wearing PPE and everyone on this jobsite is a depressed alcoholic, I'm gonna whistle once in a while and wear my SpongeBob socks.
My husband has an insulated Hello, Kitty lunch bag that he carries proudly. I worked a corporate job that I loved. I was the VP/Operations assistant and for Christmas one year he gave me a hot pink lunch box (with thermos!) with Mickey & Minnie Mouse at a 50's style diner with a card that said "remember not to take yourself too seriously". Loved that guy.
Not being comfortable around kids. It doesn't mean they can't handle kids or don't like kids. Most likely, it just means they're new to it.
Complimenting women. I was walking past this lady with brilliant bright pink hair and said "I love your hair". She looked at me like I was insane... :(
It's either flattering or creepy - depending on how the guy looks. Being judgy based on appearance is something both genders do. (In reference to the red flag "How a man treats ugly women")
I’m a woman but Id like to share based on what I’ve seen other women judge men on that they genuinely should not be. There’s more but these are the most immediate thoughts.
-liking to spend time with their SO. It’s amazing how many women think it’s weird their man actually wants to spend a lot of time with them
-wanting to/hanging with the boys
-liking/playing video games
-liking/playing with toys
-taking care of themselves (grooming, self care)
-not being handymen
-crying, being vulnerable
-seeking or needing help with mental health issues
-not wanting kids
-not being financially stable or secure or just generally not having their career life together by a certain age
-still living with parents in late 20’s+
so for me, I do find it weird that my SO wants to spend time with me. I think for me that comes from bad past relationships, aka my SO not caring about me and then not wanting to spend time with me. Honestly I think my SO is also codependent now so I think I attract the wrong people haha
Loving somebody with their whole being. If that makes me a simp for the one that has all my attention then so what.
Not being interested in sex with a specific woman at a specific moment.
I read a comment that said, "women are all about 'me too' and LGBT rights, until they get rejected. And then they're all 'I bet he gay'".
I was like, yup. Shocking how easily this kind of hypocrisy rears itself.
lol how the world changes - when I was younger - it was common for a man, if rejected by a woman, to immediately think she was a lesbian
Masturbation. Including with toys. Women have an entire social media presence around sex toys. They invented the Anne Summers party. But men aren't allowed such guilty pleasures? I think that needs to change. I think treating self in love as a separate and healthy activity for men would benefit the sex lives of everybody. There's this assumption among men that masturbation is a substitute for sex, and I don't think that has to be the case.
It's recommended to empty the prostrate at least 20 times per month to lower the risk of prostrate cancer, it's literally a health topic
Not making the first move
When starting a new relationship, I always ask my new partner if they would be willing to go 50/50 on initiating sex. They say yes, of course. After 2 weeks I wound up having to do it all. Ack.
For not wanting kids but wanting sex. For men, consent to sex is consent to be a parent. For women it isn't. Men should be able to opt out of being made parents against their will. They can even be raped and be on the hook for child support.
But we judge them for not wanting to pay for or support kids they didn't want. Pro choice people all of a sudden become pro life when it comes to men but would never tell a woman that she consented to motherhood when she had sex. They want women to have the choice to abort but for men "it takes two to tango".
We call them deadbeat dads but they could be kids themselves making a stupid mistake at 18 and they don't get a choice beyond sex. At least women have safe haven laws and abortions. If she lies about being on birth control or fishes a condom out the trash he is done for.
This is the one I was looking for. We all rally around women wanting/needing abortions because "it's their choice" (it absolutely is) but as soon as a guy wants out of an unplanned pregnancy the internet turns on him with "Oh if you didn't want to have kids you shouldn't have had sex". Say that to a woman looking for an abortion and you are (rightfully) vilified, but somehow it's okay to say it to a man? If a guy doesn't want kids he should be allowed to terminate his paternal rights, just as a woman should be allowed to terminate a pregnancy if she doesn't want kids. We don't want men forcing women to go through with pregnancies and motherhood, so we also shouldn't want women forcing men to go through fatherhood and financial obligation.
'Manspreading' my reproductive organs are on the outside, it's not comfy squishing them.
Basing attraction to women on looks and physique. Women do the same thing with men.
I don't think this is a problem when you talk about initial attraction. I mean there has to be something appealing about your partner that attracted your attention in the first place? You can't force yourself to love someone you're not attracted to.
Being emotional, crying. Men get hurt too. Crying is actually a great stress release.
🎶Boooooooooyyyyyys doooooon’t cryyyyyy🎶 Edit: before anyone downvotes me, I’d like to say that I’m singing a song by The Smiths
When a good man gets up to go to work everyday and takes pride in his job no matter what it is. And hopefully finds happiness in what he is doing!
I have had several "careers", each one I did the best I could and tried to go beyond expectations only to be belittled and criticized for being a brownnoser. Tried to look at/make the best of a situation, every day, many times 6 days/wk for 60 years....I am SO over it. My wife has really not taken note of the longevity, nor do I "talk" about it as I am required to be there for her aches, pains, disappointments, etc...yup, I'm whining. I'll shut up now
Being vulnerable. There's a lot of women who get mad that men don't express their feelings and never talk about anything and hold things in and don't communicate what they think and feel, but then when they do, those same women talk about how weak and feminine he is and call him gay and just put him down. And when men do talk about how they feel or the topic of men's mental health comes up they say good, or no one cares, or they laugh or say that they don't care or that men don't deserve anything
My dude, you need to hang out with better women. Whoever you are interacting with seems toxic.
Having a purse.
Man, I just want a f*****g purse.
We have pockets, most women's clothes don't or are too tiny to be worthwhile. Messenger bag is a good substitute though.
I used to love taking long walks by myself at night when I was in high school. Nowadays I’m worried someone is gonna think I’m being creepy. Also where I live now is way less safer than where I grew up so it’s not as smart for me to do so. And it’s less picturesque
I am a man who walks alone And when I'm walking a dark road At night or strolling through the park...
Wearing makeup, working at certain places, the clothing that they wear, showing expression, being depressed or suicidal, having long hair, being nice to kids, and a lot more. I am not a man but its the truth. If a Man is wearing makeup or a dress people just freak out, not everybody but some. If a man says that hes depressed, some will help and comfort that man, but some will make fun and say he just wants attention. He's being nice to a kid and offering some ice cream, some people will make sure that hes not trying to take the kid and once the free ice cream was given they will smile and say thank you. Others will grab the kid and yell at the man. The same can go for women but the fact that over half of men on Reddit could probably say they know how this feels just shows that society is dumb.
AMEN on the long hair. as a cis guy with long hair i get judged so much or even called a girl at times.
Funny that I would say this because I'm gay, but...being sexually attracted to women! There's nothing gross about that as long as it doesn't involve harassment and one remembers that everyone is a person, not an object.
Fiddling while sitting down to fix that stupid boner-looking bulge that's caused by wearing hoodies with a zipper.
Not being jacked af or being short or having a eating disorder most of these things need help and cant be controlled
I'm CONSTANTLY picked on for being skinny. It gets so annoying, and I'm not even underweight. I'm 5 foot 2/96 pounds.
Hairlines
If you mean receding hairlines, then yes. Also, men, do not try to cover up baldness, that is not very attractive. Embrace it. Try a buzz cut. Think of how many successful male actors are bald and attractive.
Seeking help
Nah, I refuse to ask for help, but that have nothing to do with the fact I'm a man. I just don't want to owe anyone anything.
Offering logical solutions to drama-inducing situations
YES!!! I hate it when I am told a long sad story about bad things, offer solutions, and then get a sulky face. What must I do, just say "wow that sucks" and admire the problem? Fix the damn problem.
Not liking dogs. It’s not a reflection on who we are as a person.
Been ourselves, if you see us laughing about some nonsence s**t, don't judge us, we like to random things sometimes and talking about things that doesn't add anything to our lives.
This might be a bit offside compared to some of the more emotional-related stuff here, but I found the whole controversy over so-called "manspreading" to be a bit manufactured and more like man-shaming.
Sorry, while people should make an effort not to crowd those around them, being stuff in a tiny box packed full of people after having to run to catch your departure in slacks... things can get seriously uncomfortable down below.
Jock itch also doesn't just affect athletes. Constant sweat, heat, and chaffing can wear down the outer layer of skin and result in rashes or bacterial infection etc which makes things worse.
For women: think of the discomfort of a yeast infection or sunburn and you might be in the ballpark (no pun intended). I've also heard many women complain is similar issues with stuff getting hot and sticking together down below.
It's not about claiming space or dominating, it's about trying to get a little bit of relief in an uncomfortable situation.
Being masculine.
What is masculine though? I know what the word means, but I don't think of a lot if things as masculine or feminine. Long hair is just long hair, nail polish, also for whoever. Trousers, skirts, dresses, for everyone.
Some people will have a knee-jerk reaction to some of these. But it's important to think about them, and why they were said, and why they are upvoted. And try to see the "other side".
Right? The comments on some of these prove their point!
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Things we find annoying because of our gender: the disproportionate volume of BP posts bashing men and encouraging women to share all the ghastly, traumatic and cringeworthy experiences they've had with this awful branch of humanity. Because apparently women can do no wrong.
Finally!!!! Something that is not bashing men. Some of the people in the comments sections have only one perspective, their own. They were unable to see things from a man’s perspective.
When we say we were thinking about nothing, we're telling the truth. There was a glorious moment of complete silence inside our head. It was a beautiful, quiet pocket of total bliss, and you ended it by asking, "What are you thinking about?"
Having (lots) of women friends. If a heterosexual man has a lot of female friends he hangs out with, it’s assumed he’s a playboy, and if he’s in a relationship then people think there’s something suspicious going on. It is completely possible for men to have platonic friendships with women and enjoy spending time with them without having ulterior motives for it.
Here's a big one left off the list: Being single & having a pet cat. It doesn't mean we're wimpy dweebs or gay. Maybe we just prefer them over dogs & actually know how to treat them. Even if we were wimpy dweebs or gay though, that shouldn't be judged either!
So are you arguing for or against people being judged as a cohort?
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Some people will have a knee-jerk reaction to some of these. But it's important to think about them, and why they were said, and why they are upvoted. And try to see the "other side".
Right? The comments on some of these prove their point!
Load More Replies... Things we find annoying because of our gender: the disproportionate volume of BP posts bashing men and encouraging women to share all the ghastly, traumatic and cringeworthy experiences they've had with this awful branch of humanity. Because apparently women can do no wrong.
Finally!!!! Something that is not bashing men. Some of the people in the comments sections have only one perspective, their own. They were unable to see things from a man’s perspective.
When we say we were thinking about nothing, we're telling the truth. There was a glorious moment of complete silence inside our head. It was a beautiful, quiet pocket of total bliss, and you ended it by asking, "What are you thinking about?"
Having (lots) of women friends. If a heterosexual man has a lot of female friends he hangs out with, it’s assumed he’s a playboy, and if he’s in a relationship then people think there’s something suspicious going on. It is completely possible for men to have platonic friendships with women and enjoy spending time with them without having ulterior motives for it.
Here's a big one left off the list: Being single & having a pet cat. It doesn't mean we're wimpy dweebs or gay. Maybe we just prefer them over dogs & actually know how to treat them. Even if we were wimpy dweebs or gay though, that shouldn't be judged either!
So are you arguing for or against people being judged as a cohort?
Load More Replies... 