Women Reassure Men They Don’t Actually Care About These 30 Silly Things Men Are So Often Insecure About
Whether we hide it well or not, we all have a handful of insecurities. As we pick our physical or internal features apart, we often risk becoming too obsessed with something that has no rational ground.
While many women out there know what it means to be way too judgemental of themselves, men are no exception. In a society where an illusory image of a strong and successful man has been fostered since the dawn of time, they find it particularly hard if not impossible to express their vulnerable side.
So this thread on Ask Reddit shares a whole new light on insecurities men have that they often remain silent about. “Girls of Reddit, what is something guys shouldn't feel insecure about?” someone asked, and below we wrapped up the most interesting responses.
Also, when you’re done, don’t forget to check out our previous feature on common female insecurities that according to men don’t matter at all.
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Appearing feminine over stupid things, like thinking a puppy is cute, wearing pink, or being generally friendly and smiley. Women like that s**t and get annoyed and exhausted by men who take masculinity too far.
Imagine being so limited by toxic masculinity that you can't fall in love with a puppy!!!
A good example is actually happening right now. I’m at a pool party. Two very nice overweight guys are in the pool but they are both wearing tee shirts to cover their guts and just standing around. Then there is a 3rd heavyset guy who easily has an extra 40 pounds on the other two guys. He is shirtless having the time of his life playing with abandon the pool basketball game and cracking jokes. He is way more attractive to the girls because he isn’t ashamed of his body and exudes confidence.
Should all three lose weight? Sure, most of us should, but don’t stop having fun because you are ashamed of yourself. Live your life and have fun. This is very attractive to all people.
Just my opinion. I’m a middle aged woman and I think I have a bit of wisdom about things like this. I’ve seen some s**t ha.
It's ok to not be the smartest person in the room. Admitting you don't know/understand a thing does not make you look weak. Blustering your way through makes you seem like an arrogant a*s.
This so much. I love it when people are curious about things/ willing to learn in general. If I know about it, I'll overshare every single thing I know. If I don't, we'll look it up together.
“In my opinion, insecurities develop from messages we get as children,” Susan Petang, a certified divorce coach and the creator of “The Quiet Zone Coaching,” who teaches women how to stop feeling overwhelmed and start waking up happy in the morning again, told Bored Panda in an interview.
“From the very first day, we get obvious and NOT so obvious messages from the people around us. Those messages might be positive, negative, intentional, or unintentional, but our little brains absorb them and accept them as truth,” Petang argues.
Dont feel insecure about liking "girly" things. Order that fruity drink, watch that rom com, and sing in the shower. A lot less people care than you might realize.
Height.
I know the popular presumption is ~anyone under 6 ft is screwed~ but if a girl considers a couple inches to be a dealbreaker she’s not worth your time anyway. I’m short, but lots of my tall and beautiful friends have dated men somewhat to quite a bit shorter than them. It’s no big deal.
Edit: to all the dudes snarking about how the above is not true, I promise ya, that kinda sh*tty attitude is wayyyy more unattractive than any physical characteristic. And if the only women you ever want truly *all* diss you for height, well...I’d look inwardly about your own tastes, too.
I'm somewhere between 5'2" and 5'3". I can't imagine the toll on my neck if I were to date a 6 ft. person.
Being vocal when they orgasm ! I've seen so many guys just hold their breath and try to choke any sound that might come out of their throat when they cum and it's just a little sad, like what are you afraid of ? I wanna know you're having fun, I wanna know you enjoy what's happening ! Be loud about it, screw the neighbors !
“As children, we have little or no life experience or wisdom to filter through those messages and discard what's not true. For example, if your mom gets annoyed and yells, "You're BAD! Don't be so stupid!" I might take that to heart and start to believe I'm bad and stupid, especially if that message is sent over and over again.”
Petang explained that “My subconscious will pick up on those negative messages. Our experiences as children can reinforce insecurities, too. If other kids in your class got an A on a test, but you failed, you might start to believe that you're not as smart, rather than understand that the teacher's teaching style didn't match your learning style, or that you just weren't paying attention that day because you didn't feel well.”
Guys shouldn't have to be insecure about crying. Masculinity standards make men feel they shouldn't ever cry, but its a healthy way if expressing sadness and can even be a method of getting rid of stress.
Hubby cried when daughters were born..... I felt nothing but love and pride for that man!!!😍😍😍😍
Mine cries over every Disney movie we watch 🤣 But yes his tears during the times I birthed our children were very special for me, too.
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A few hundred years ago a man crying was seen as a sign of strength. It was thought of as showing how much ability they had to care and that they weren't afraid of other people knowing and possibly using it against them. ("Yes, I deeply love my wife, and if you try to use her to hurt me, don't expect it to stop me. You better be ready for all that passion to slam down on your head like a meteor from the heavens.")
One of the most fascinating things about "Vikings" and "The Last Kingdom": the ultimate macho-men, the Vikings, easily cried, hugged each there, and generally acted like human beings instead of stone statues.
Tears of joy seem okay. But I've found that nobody wants to be bothered with my problems. Except my mom, but then only to weaponize them against me later. Withholding my emotions is not toxic masculinity, it's a self defense mechanism.
Sorry RafCo, that's just mean. Hope you find someone kinder
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This issue is not as simple as being insecure or feeling like we shouldn't. I want to cry more but physically can't, my body reflexively suppresses it. I've practiced training myself to cry with only a little success so far. Movies seem to help me. I've also read that hormones affect our ability to cry.
Same! Does music work for you, too? Humans need this release, but we learn to stifle it. Not healthy.
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After i beat up 4 older guys in school who had been bullying me for weeks, crying all the way through, I was never again ashamed of tears! 😉
I’ve felt like I can’t cry at all before, and that sucks and it hurts to bottle your emotions becuase you blow eventually and have a huge crying fit that you can’t stop. But I’ve got a lil better and now when I need to cry I go somewhere private and do so. I don’t feel comfortable crying infront of people yet but ik if I need to cry then it’s ok.
I cried in front of my (also male) partner for the first time 3 days ago. I was playing a song that helped me through the darkest time in my life 20 years ago and I was just so proud of myself that I made it. We're seeing the band live in November (in case anyone is womdering, the band is Sugababes and the song is Stronger.)
Does NOT make them a whimp like the toxic part of masculinity would have them believe. Having and showing emotions is to be human
Creating safe space in our relationship where we can both cry or be emotional has been essential. He's told me before that it just being safe for him to show any emotions with me, even if that means having a good bawl, has helped his mental health.
I've been trying to work on that for over a decade. When I married my late wife my sister commented she always thought I was more a crier. She was commenting with someone else betting weather I'd cry or get a runny nose or something else that thinking back on seems a bit outside of usual. Anyway, from that moment I figured if it's that obvious why try and hide it. It's still the hardest at work. It's also lately where I most feel like crying. It feels weird to say, but I miss my wife most when I'm at work. I guess at home I can distract myself with tv, video games, and the like where as work is mindless enough it doesn't distract me.
This is one of the worst ill conceived ideas forced upon men that's been passed down the generations. Often, you cannot control crying as a natural, biological response to stress or sadness. You can't control it anymore than sweating.
Achilles cried, Lancelot did too. A greatest warrior of ancient Greece and the greatest knight of the Round table can do that,why not every other guy too?
Whenever I've experienced periods of depression that's when my girlfriends have decided to cheat or leave me. Four times now.
Re-evaluate the type of person you are dating. Good luck
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"ever since birth crying has only meant one thing- you are alive." Charlotte Bronte
My husband doesn't cry when that's the obvious response (my father dying) but he gets all teary when we watch movies - "Love Actually" ALWAYS makes him cry. Weirdo.
It makes me more upset when a man can’t show any emotion, like he’s a heartless robot. Women understand emotion, not robotic control freaks. When something devastating happens & he’s just a shut down “meh” I want to be as far away from him as possible because it’s infuriating. I realize this sounds a bit blamey & extreme, so understand the context. When my younger brother died of sui cide, the brother I was so close to, had raised because our mom wouldn’t, this part of my soul was amputated. He was so close to my husband as well, & when he died all I got was a blank stare, refusal to acknowledge it, nothing. It infuriated me. Had he shown even a tiny bit of emotion it wouldn’t have felt like he abandoned me at a time that was soul destroying. I still can’t forgive my husband. Frankly, I truly believe men that can’t deal with emotions are just being cowards & infantile. - Something to think about anyway. I no longer seek comfort from him because of it.
That's a hard one. I gotta say it's HARD to cry in front of my gf. I save that sh*t for when I'm alone. I probably shouldn't... ... It's really hard. Something about not wanting her to see me SUPER vulnerable when avoidable...
do this often enough and watch as your woman slowly lose any desire she has for you. Don't fall for this woke s**t
Being empathetic towards women's issues.
A lot of men tend to downplay or water down women's reactions, especially when they are in a group. Maybe because they don't want to seem as if they think differently from other men in the group.
If you empathise, you empathise. Doesn't make you less if a man for understanding us and where we're coming from.
This trait is hella attractive,i donno why some men think manly= as*h**e
When asked what are the signs that insecurity has become a real problem for a person, and they should consult a professional, Petang said that it’s when your insecurities start to affect the quality of your daily life, you may need some help. “For example, if you don't try new things because, "I'm never good at stuff like that, anyway," your internal messaging needs to be checked out.”
Showing kindness. Along the same lines of emotion but it's ok to be nice. It's not attractive being an aggressive jerk all the time (or at all).
Besides a sense of humor showing kindness is definitely one of the hottest and most attractive features I find in a guy. The more empathic the better.
Singing.
I love when I’m at a chill pizza joint and the cooks in the kitchen are singing. Doesn’t even matter if they’re not great singers. I love when people are happy enough to sing!
I love when they sing too and when they make their pizza dough the old fashioned way by throwing it up in the air spinning it and catching it on their fist.
Not making as much money as their girlfriend or wife. If you're with the right girl she won't care. As long as you have a career that makes you happy, that's all that should matter.
If you're with the right person, who makes what doesn't matter at all because it's all going towards your life together, whether it's your family of pets, or kids, or anything else, it doesn't matter. When the money is discussed as your money vs my money, not our money for our lives now, and our lives together in the future; the relationship should probably be re-evaluated. There is no competition in a relationship between people who are with right person. It's either us, or you, and I, separately.
Petang also said that she can't see an upside to insecurity, but I can see a downside to the opposite, which is narcissism. “When folks think they are the best thing to ever happen to the world, and that they don't need to conform to the rules of the society we live in, it creates hate and chaos.”
According to the life coach, a lot of the time, insecure people are approval seekers, so they desperately try to make others like them. “I guess that's better than being a jerk!”
Their muscles— or lack thereof. Girls aren’t as into muscles as you might think :)
That said, a man who doesn’t look that muscly but is strong is very attractive.
I don't care about muscles but I like it when a guy can defend himself. I've had two ex-boyfriends that didn't look muscly at all but one was a Jiu-Jitsu master and the other one was a knife and mixed martial arts expert. I cannot tell you how sexy I found that. Especially when I saw one of them in action defending another woman from a guy who had slapped her. He won in a fight bare-headed against two guys with knives. That said I also think there's something sexy about pacifists.
Receding hairline. If we love you we love you
My husband was bald when we met, I still think a bald is a solar panel for a sex machine
Some friends of mine are really insecure about not being able to grow a beard. Tbh it doesn’t really matter.
D**k size and their weight
I understand some ppl might think this is a lie but I personally think so as a woman bc size is not what determines how good sex is. Some may hav a preference, but with 7 billion people in this world, I think preferences are diverse. Plus, there are vagina sizes too. Many ppl forget that.
As for weight, love ur body. Confidence is attractive. It only shud be put to concern if ur health is affected by it.
Also, this is my opinion, this isn’t a lie bc this is genuinely how I think. I know there are people out there who can agree, while others may not.
EDIT: I MEANT THEIR BODY WEIGHT LMFAO
I had seen a survey where they asked women what the top 10 attributes on a man were and almost every single time d**k size was last on the list. When they asked men what they thought the top 10 attributes were they almost always put d**k size first. BTW what women thought was the most important was a sense of humor first
acknowledging other attractive guys, women say other women are beautiful all the time why can’t guys say the same things about other guys without fearing being called gay
Again I find it sexy for some reason when a guy is confident enough to admit another guy is attractive. I mean I'm not attracted to women in general but I can still tell you which ones are attractive and sexy.
Cumming quickly. I am honored, sir.
But it's nice if they finish quickly if they will help you get yours afterwards instead of just laying there.
What you do for a living. I feel like everyone is trying to be their best and if that's minimum wage, that's ok. Nothing sexier than a hard worker with dreams.
Guys shouldn't feel so insecure about they're body shape. You don't have to have big biceps or washboard abs in order for a girl to like you.
Edit: their*
Being open about what they do/like.
My current boyfriend loves singing but is so shy even though he has an amazing voice.
When guys sing it’s always amazing. Very attractive and also so amazing when they are so passionate about it
They should stop feeling insecure about showing emotion, especially in a relationship. I know a lot of guys grew up being told that showing emotion was ‘girly’ but honestly when a guy is open about how he is feeling and doesn’t suppress it, it makes everyone feel more secure. When the girl feels like she’s the only one who has real feelings in the relationship then it’s hard to trust the guy, and the guy often feels misunderstood as he isn’t conveying what he wants to. Guys, please know it’s okay to be emotional, you deserve to be honest with the people around you and it makes relationships so much better for everyone involved
Living with your parents/being close to your parents. As long as they don't have to do your thinking for you, it's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of!
Apologizing. It builds bridges, it’s not destruction to your ego unless you interpret it that way (so don’t interpret it that way).
About wanting to be the little spoon
I dont think I've ever been able to be the little spoon. I think I would like it cuz I would feel safe.
Don’t feel bad if you don’t always take the lead in a relationship! Those are two way streets, and a lot of girls don’t mind or even enjoy being the one to make the first move or ask you on a date.
Besides that, though, don’t be insecure about being genuine and heartfelt with friends, family, and partners alike. You can say “I love you” to your friends without a “no homo” attached. Being close with your family is endearing. It’s okay to cry.
Just be yourself!
Starbucks barista. Don’t be ashamed of your drink! Pink drink, Frappuccino, chai tea, they’re delicious! And we want you to have a tasty drink!
The flip side of the comments about not being able to grow a beard - guys shouldn't feel insecure about being hairy. I love a hairy chest, and don't find a hairy back or shoulders to be a problem.
Like most things listed here, yeah you'll find women who won't like it, but if they are willing to write you off for something physical that is out of your control, they probably aren't the person for you.
I will say, regardless of anything else, hygiene is important. If you're hairy you might sweat more depending on the climate and how warm you run, but if you shower regularly and keep everything clean, it's all good.
Edit : yes, this includes hairy butts, backs, legs, shoulders, etc. I think the only thing I might ask someone to trim would be crazy nose hair - though that could be disguised by a moustache.
Don't be embarrassed to get a Mani/Pedi!
Note: this post originally had 38 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I guarantee a lot of guys would happily call me a beta cuck loser f*g p*ssy blah blah blah and I couldn’t give one solitary sh*t if they do. I treasure openness, sincerity, empathy and affection, go crazy over kittens and puppies, like the color pink, and I sleep with a stuffed panther. I’m also straight and happily married to a lovely woman. I used to be shy about being less “masculine”, but I embrace it. It’s who I am, and my wife loves it, and it’s something I’m proud of.
I wish I could upvote you more than once. Be yourself. :]
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Ladies, don't tease the men in your life about these things. My wife used to tease me about some of these things, usually not in a mean way, but it still made me self-conscious. In particular, it was: singing, crying (really just eyes welling up, not full crying), being emotional, wanting to be the little spoon, and being hairy. In some cases, I know she found it endearing. What I'm trying to say is teasing is not a way to show appreciation for someone's unique characteristics. If it's something you like, compliment instead of tease.
Toxic masculinity doesn't just effect men. Women grow up with toxic gender roles just as much as men do. Patriarchal norms hurt and damage everyone. We all need to normalise all genders enjoying the fullness of human emotion and experience. I hope you've met more compassionate people since then.
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Men shouldn't be embarrassed about getting a pedicure! It beats having toenails that look like an ogre's.
They deleted it but I find men who play video games extremely attractive and i find that the best thing is when they geek out over certain games
Literally met my late wife on a Silent Hill fan forum.
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Also women really don't care about the size of our ding dongs. From 1cm to 30cm they love our snakes in all forms
I agree these are things men shouldn't be insecure about, but they also shouldn't change themselves just to be attractive to others. If they legitimately realise they have been hiding who they are, they should start being themselves, but not just because they think it is now 'ok' because people like these traits or interests.
The repeats are an aberration of the voting system. If something moves down the list while you're still scrolling it, it can appear to repeat in the lower position. I wonder if this depends on device. Some devices might handle page load differently. I also wonder if scrolling to the bottom immediately would help prevent it from happening.
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At some point, I call some absolute BS on this whole article. Apparently, women don’t mind a guy who makes minimum wage, has a receding hairline, is overweight, orgasms before they do, and doesn’t pay for the meal. I can see being okay with some of that, but at some point, fix your problems men. This is just some feel good BS. Don’t forget living with your parents.
I guarantee a lot of guys would happily call me a beta cuck loser f*g p*ssy blah blah blah and I couldn’t give one solitary sh*t if they do. I treasure openness, sincerity, empathy and affection, go crazy over kittens and puppies, like the color pink, and I sleep with a stuffed panther. I’m also straight and happily married to a lovely woman. I used to be shy about being less “masculine”, but I embrace it. It’s who I am, and my wife loves it, and it’s something I’m proud of.
I wish I could upvote you more than once. Be yourself. :]
Load More Replies... Ladies, don't tease the men in your life about these things. My wife used to tease me about some of these things, usually not in a mean way, but it still made me self-conscious. In particular, it was: singing, crying (really just eyes welling up, not full crying), being emotional, wanting to be the little spoon, and being hairy. In some cases, I know she found it endearing. What I'm trying to say is teasing is not a way to show appreciation for someone's unique characteristics. If it's something you like, compliment instead of tease.
Toxic masculinity doesn't just effect men. Women grow up with toxic gender roles just as much as men do. Patriarchal norms hurt and damage everyone. We all need to normalise all genders enjoying the fullness of human emotion and experience. I hope you've met more compassionate people since then.
Load More Replies... Men shouldn't be embarrassed about getting a pedicure! It beats having toenails that look like an ogre's.
They deleted it but I find men who play video games extremely attractive and i find that the best thing is when they geek out over certain games
Literally met my late wife on a Silent Hill fan forum.
Load More Replies... Also women really don't care about the size of our ding dongs. From 1cm to 30cm they love our snakes in all forms
I agree these are things men shouldn't be insecure about, but they also shouldn't change themselves just to be attractive to others. If they legitimately realise they have been hiding who they are, they should start being themselves, but not just because they think it is now 'ok' because people like these traits or interests.
The repeats are an aberration of the voting system. If something moves down the list while you're still scrolling it, it can appear to repeat in the lower position. I wonder if this depends on device. Some devices might handle page load differently. I also wonder if scrolling to the bottom immediately would help prevent it from happening.
Load More Replies... At some point, I call some absolute BS on this whole article. Apparently, women don’t mind a guy who makes minimum wage, has a receding hairline, is overweight, orgasms before they do, and doesn’t pay for the meal. I can see being okay with some of that, but at some point, fix your problems men. This is just some feel good BS. Don’t forget living with your parents.
